Twilight and the Tragedy at Tallonn Tower
We take you, true believer, to see the finely-named Pinkie Pie, who's sitting in a chair in front of a television, holding up a remote. "Hey there, everybody!" She announces. "Previously, on "My Little Pony"…"
She promptly clicks on the television as a scene of Spike cooking it shown. He holds up a large platter of diamonds on hamburger buns as he puts them in front of several other Spikes from different MLP generations.
"Five specials! 86 on the coleslaw!"
"No, no, that's not right." Pinkie mumbles, switching the channel. Now it shows Rainbow Dash emerging from a cave, dressed in knight armor and holding aloft a bag as she walks before Princess Celestia and Luna.
"Lo, and behold, my princesses! I…your totally awesome and WAY loyal knight Rainbow Dash, hath taken the hydra's head!" Rainbow exclaims, holding the bag open as the princesses look inside, Luna turning green as Celestia gulps.
"Er…Dash…that's not its head."
Rainbow Dash looks inside and her eyes bug out. "OH! Well…there were EIGHT of them!" She apologizes as Luna races to the side to vomit profusely in a nearby bush.
"Can't believe they got THAT past the radar. Movin' on!" Pinkie Pie remarks, changing the channel so it now shows Derpy Hooves emerging from a doctor's clinic, Rarity and Applejack looking at her with concerned expressions.
"What's the matter, Derpy? Why are you wearing that bag over your head?"
"I've got…EXPLODING NOSTRIL SYNDROME." Derpy howls, her nose exploding into confetti on the spot as everyone gasped in surprise.
"It's okay." The doctor remarked, poking his head into the waiting room and grinning sheepishly. "Nostrils heal!" He nervously turns to the audience. "No they don't!"
"Okay, ya know what?" Pinkie remarks, rolling her eyes. "How about we all just move on to the current episode!" She laughs. "A little tale I like to call…"
Twilight and the Terrible Tragedy at Tallonn Tower!
There was something of a saying in Equestria…that the sun never really set, because no matter where you went, there was laughter, light, and the warmth of a shared love for all things no matter where you went. And there was no better example of this than in Ponyville, where Twilight Sparkle was doing her duties as the town's advocate. She did so much for the mayor and for Ponyville that in many ways she was more the mayor than the mayor was! And perhaps, one day, she would be.
"This child safe playground is now OPEN!" Twilight exclaimed, grinning happily as Spike the dragon cut the ribbon before the enormous playground. The purple dragon cheerily waved at the little mares and colts assembled in the new Ponyville Playground as the parents of said little dibbuns stood behind them.
"We truly appreciate this, Twilight Sparkle. And thank you too, Spike, y'all a dandy." Applejack admitted as Apple Bloom hopped up and down, her red hair bouncing too and fro as she joined the rest of her friends on the playground.
"Yes, let all exhausted parents abandon their children here where they cannot be hurt!" A dramatic voice announced. "...nor have any fun! Seriously. No wood chips? No jungle gym? And no tire swing? What kinda playground doesn't have a tire swing?"
It was none other than Shinedown T. Mare, a darkly-colored brony Twilight knew had changed his old appearance to reflect the color of his old partner's. In fact, Rarity often spoke of seeing him bathing in sunset-toned magical paint every morning in the same day spa she frequented. The bookworm-esque unicorn raised one eyebrow up as the earth pony approached her, chuckling a bit at the sight of the playground. "Of course, truth be told, I was the kinda kid who had fun throwin' rocks at stuff, so…" Shinedown admitted quietly.
"Well, how are you doing, Shinedown?" Twilight asked. "It's good to see you here in Ponyville and out of the big city."
"I get plenty of excitement here." The brony insisted, putting a hoof on his chest before he whipped his dark blue-mohawked head towards a white rabbit nearby that was chewing on a carrot. "DON'T I, Mr. Snufflepants?" Shinedown growled at Angel the rabbit, personal pet of Fluttershy.
"Your full name is ANGEL SNUFFLEPANTS?! Oh my God, I…I think I love this moment so much I wanna marry it!" Spike laughed, guffawing loudly before Angel kicked him in the butt, knocking him flat on his face and bouncing off as Shinedown chuckled a bit, turning back to Twilight.
"He snuck into your garden again?"
"My carrot plants are all but gone, the rabbit sings a happy song." Shinedown harmonized. "Truth be told though, I'm not in town for Fluttershy. I…kinda need your help. Dad called me back on business."
Twilight nodded in understanding as she, Spike and Shinedown headed for the outskirts of Ponyville, to the edge of the forest where Sunray G. Cyrus, husband of the late Wynonna T. Mare, made his home…and had made, in honor of his late wife, the Equi-Fina Factory.
Equi-Fina! The purest, most healthy and delicious water in all Equestria. A gleaming white-walled home with enormous capsules filled with water, a large well outside of a beautifully and tenderly-kept garden, a fine marble path leading up to a set of double doors, and, of course, the glittering sapphire words "Equi-Fina" risen high above the entrance to the factory/home of Shinedown's dad. Equi-Fina's success could all be linked to its all-natural underground well…
An enchanted well. It was said that Wynonna had discovered it on the very day she had discovered herself pregnant. She'd even given birth there, though she didn't live very long after. Yet from tragedy had come a blessing…the well never, ever went dry, and people said the water had an exquisite taste.
They were right.
"Mmmmmmmmm." Twilight Sparkle crooned as she downed a large bottle of "Equi-Fina" inside of the central piping room, where Sunray was directing his workers to create a new pipe from the looks of it. The well had large pipes connected into it, one running to Manehattan, one to Trottingham, one to Appleloosa, you named the Equestrian city, there was a magical pipe that led to it.
"The whole thing was pretty small until dad evidently got inspired by this big plumber he met from Brooklyn who found turtles and freaky brown things comin' outta his pipes." Shinedown admitted as Sunray emerged from one of the pipes they were going to install with a strange "wooping" sound that interestingly echoed a familiar video game tune.
Sunray himself had a brilliant mane of white that went well with the near-sky-blue appearance of his fur, with a finely decorated vest and a lovely-looking mane that swished back and forth as he waved one hoof in the air at Twilight and Spike, who was also enjoying some Equi-Fina. "Hello, hello, helloooo!" He called down, landing by his head foreman and patting the pug-esque dog creature on the head. Wait. Twilight had seen these beings before.
"The DIAMOND DOGS?" She exclaimed, eyes widening as they momentarily looked at Twilight, waved, then went back to work. "Wh-why do you have them working for you?"
"He pays good. Verrrry good." One of the dogs told her, walking by with a pipe held over his head. "In shinies. Shiny, shiny, shiny."
"We LIKES the shiny gems." The foreman said, holding up a small pearl and grinning as he bit into it to test its strength…regrettably losing all his teeth as he did so. "…pluh he gaw ud dehntuhl plahn." (Plus he's got a good dental plan)
"I sure do." Sunray chuckled as he patted the foreman on the back before heading over to the threesome. "Has Shinedown told you the news?"
"What news?" Twilight asked.
"The Emperor of the Griffins of Clawdor actually sent me a telegram. Ol' Claudius the Battleaxe wants a taste of the special water himself. Fine griffin, truly classy, I tell you."
"You've met him before?" Twilight inquired, looking confused. The Griffin Empire was large, though not as heavily populated or as magical as Equestria. It wasn't a stretch for him to admit he'd MET the emperor somewhere, but the manner in which Sunray was talking…
"Met him? We arm wrestled every night at the bar!" The mare laughed. "And now he wants my business because he wants to be immortal!"
"Why would you wanna be immortal?" Spike asked.
"To live forever." Sunray remarked with a shrug, his son slapping his face with a hoof. "If it meets Ol' Battleaxe's standards, they'll become real genuine customers and order Equi-Fina water magically pumped to their lands just like it's pumped across Equestria!" Sunray laughed happily, spreading his hooves wide to encompass the enormous operation all around Twilight, Spike and Shinedown and all underneath his cozy home above near the edge of the forest.
"Well you know me. I'm all-too-happy to show off your delicious all-natural product." Shinedown added with a proud grin and a thumb of hoof on chest.
Twilight, however, wasn't so eager. And it wasn't because she believed in that OTHER silly rumor that she'd heard of: that the fountain that supplied Equi-Fina's well was actually a fountain of youth. Direct fountain water would bring the drinker eternal life, so the lore went. Twilight was fairly sure Sunray had spread the rumor to sell more Equi-Fina, the clever colt, but she was surprised Gilda was asking for this water. Did the griffins really believe the rumor so badly that…
"I want you to come with me on a trip to Clawdor, just in case something goes wrong." Shinedown said as Sunray put a saddle on him containing a large jug with the label "For the Fairest" on it in glittering letters. "Also, I may need you to stop me."
"Stop you from what?" Spike asked, scratching his head.
"Stop me from starting an international incident by force-feeding Gilda her own feathers for making Fluttershy cry!" Shinedown growled angrily, shaking like a leaf. An angry, ANGRY leaf.
THWACK. Spike slapped his face and he rubbed it. "Thanks. I needed that." He mumbled.
…
…
…
… "Haa-aaah-aah-aaaah, haa-aaah-ahh-ahhhh…"
"No, no, more like "Haa-aa-aaa-aaaaah, haa-ahh-ahh-ahhhh."
"Ahh, less "aaa" more "ahhh". Right, right. I'll harmonize it perfectly one day."
"What're you two doing? We're almost at the Great Arch and you're doing acapella duets." Spike inquired as Shinedown and Twilight Sparkle sang a verrrry familiar little tune.
"Just sharing a private in-joke with the audience." Shinedown chuckled as they continued trotting over the rough forest path that led towards the fabled Great Arch, a structure made entirely of the finest limestone, a towering thing leading high into the heavens, the entranceway to the marbled mountain road that led up towards the magnificently gold-gleaming city that stretched to the sky, Clawdor. "I imagine it'll be a lot like Canterlot."
"You've been to Canterlot?" Twilight asked as they approached the arch, which was, as always, guarded by two griffin soldiers with dark brown feathers and gleaming golden tiaras that showed off their fine tufts.
"How come you ain't got helmets?" Spike asked one of the guards who looked down at him.
"It would give me and Peckinson helmet hair."
"It takes THREE HOURS to get this just right. Your 'do's looking dandy, by the way." The other said, pointing at his coif.
"Showoffy griffins." Spike grunted to himself, folding his arms across his chest. "Pompous snobs from Clawdor."
"Well excuse US for not wanting to step into your TRAILER PARKS, Equestrian." The second guard chuckled.
"Oh yeah? THIS is YOU!" Spike pulled at the fins on the sides of his face, making a funny face. "Blugghah-bluggah-bluggah! Boogy-boogy-boogy! I took fifteen hours to do my hair!"
"WAR!" The second guard roared angrily, bounding up and down and grabbing Spike, throttling him and banging his head against the ground. "CLAWDOR DECLARES WAAAAR ON EQUESTRIA!"
"Alfred…Hitchcock…was right!" Spike squeaked out in between shakes of his neck
"Tone it down, Pecky ol' boy!" The first guard remarked, rolling his eyes. "We have to keep our conversations PG-rated for the kids, okay?"
"Oh yes, I've been to Canterlot before. When Princess Luna was returned to normal, Celestia requested my father send the same special batch of water to her and her sister in celebration. Luna liked it so much she gave me…hold on…urgh…"
Shinedown rose up on his two feet and held his stomach, coughing and hacking before hocking up a medallion of silver that glittered at his hooves, Spike pinching his nostrils.
"Ew, man! What is that SMELL?"
"Look, this thing's very dear to me." Shinedown said, holding the silver medallion up. "A gift from the Luna, the Mistress of Shadows, the Princess of the Night. What muuuusic she makes!"
"I know that quote! Bela Lugosi!" Twilight guessed, waving a hoof in the air.
"Got it!" Shinedown agreed, nodding vigorously before popping the medallion into his mouth and swallowing it. "Hmm! Tangy, but robust. You know, Pinkie Pie once asked me if she could try my medallion herself. Said she needed more iron in her diet."
"Ohhh, that Pinkie." Twilight chuckled, rolling her eyes.
"She was serious." Shinedown said in a deadpan tone, the griffin guards getting a disturbed look as Spike gagged a little, Twilight groaned.
"Ohhh. That Pinkie…"
…
…
…
…the Griffin race's home of Clawdor was appealing to the eye in a vaguely show-offy fashion. Clearly, Shinedown noted, they had a knack for picking slightly pompous structures. Ionic pillars held up towering roofs of pearly marble with fine brick roads filled with griffins, the occasional dragon or Pegasus pony sprinkled to and fro amongst the crowds that traversed the finely-cobbled streets. Occasionally you passed by a park that showed off famous Griffins in statues of silver and gold, including a large fountain in front of the palace itself, which showed off several other species looking up at a Griffin with a very poofy coif that had an enormous vase. It was trying to pour water out into a pool below…save that there wasn't any water flowing whatsoever.
"The Fountain of Emperor Claudius…Under Construction"." Twilight read out from a golden sign on the fountain before they headed up the long flight of stairs towards the white mansion-esque palace before them. The roof was interesting: it was made of a type of strong glass so as to allow the sun to shine through, and for a clear view of the beautiful night sky. Since Clawdor was high in the clouds, this meant there was always starry, starry nights, though, admittedly, it WAS a bit chilly up there.
A fact that quickly changed when they stepped inside the palace and onto red carpet as Spike rubbed his sides. "Oooh, it's all toasty in here!" He remarked, looking to the far right past other smaller pillars that held the roof up, tiny little carvings of griffins decorating the bottom of said pillars. There were several dragons blowing flames into enormous openings in the walls.
"They're the furnace system, my little ponies!" A voice announced dramatically. "You came quick. GOOD! Time's money, and I do like my money. Y'know, I've got a lot to do today, including opening up a park for the little chicks. The parents of my empire can feel free to leave their kids there free from harm…and, for that matter, fun." Gilda the Griffin remarked as she stepped out of a large set of double doors that swung wide, the giant lion-headed knockers bonking against the pearly walls as she nodded down at Spike, Twilight and Shinedown. "I mean, no tire swing? What the HELL!?"
"…nice…outfit. It's very…well it certainly IS." Twilight murmured, looking Gilda over. The griffin wore a white leisure-suit esque outfit with so many gaudy rings on her clawed fingers that she was surprised the griffin's clawed paws didn't flop down to the ground.
"I'd have the city engineer beheaded if not for the fact that he promised to name the park after me. Ahhh, it's good to be the Empress." Gilda said, brushing her hair back. "I am SO, SO awesome."
Shinedown took the vase of Fountain Water and the saddle he was wearing and put it on the ground, putting one hoof on it. "Your majesty." He intoned, somewhat calmed by her opinion on tire swings, "This vase contains the finest batch of Equi-Fina water my father produces, as per-wait."
SFX: Record Scratch
He blinked stupidly. "Wait, Empress? What happened to Mister Claudius?"
Gilda stiffened a bit and nervously looked to the side. "Er…well, see…ain't no easy way to say this. He kicked the bucket. Senate picked me to pick up the slack after he bought the farm, went off to that nest in the sky. He…is an ex…griffin."
"So…he's…dead?" Twilight inquired as two griffins entered the room behind the white-headed Gilda, one of them a thick-eyebrowed and blunt-beaked male griffin with a thick tail, the other a female griffin with very long and thick feathers hanging down from her head, who had, strangely enough, only one wing. There was nothing but a dark brown stub.
"Indeed, I am afraid so. Please, allow us to introduce the new Empress, and ourselves. I am Malina, and this is Barbaras, my assistant. I was Claudius the Wise's personal advisor for fifty years straight."
"Since the days when she had to walk uphill two ways to school. Y'know, cavemen times." Gilda chuckled. "Whyyy when I was yer age!" She proclaimed in a mock imitation of an old woman, pretending she had a hunchback.
"…hmm. So…uh…how did Sir Claudius die?" Twilight asked, a skeptical expression momentarily flickering across her face as Shinedown rubbed his chin with a hoof.
"Well, he WAS kinda old." Gilda admitted, waving a clawed paw in the air. "And kinda smelly. But mostly old. Also mostly smelly. See, the point I'm trying to make is-"
"Indeed. Our beloved lee-dehr died in hees sleep last night, you see." Barbarus remarked with a solemn nod as Spike gave him a strange look. Was that a…it was. He was wearing a tiny monocle. Good LORD, this was positively ridiculous.
"How come you've got that accent?" Spike wanted to know.
"Oh, dees not first language I speak. I am far from native home." Barbarus remarked. "I come from the Mother Country, you see." The griffin remarked as he took off his monocle to reveal he didn't have anything underneath it except a bunch of scars. "Fled to escape persecution for I was only one who spoke dees language, you see. My people, they not like, how you say, "the secular society"."
"How come nobody else does?"
"Dey not have free block open after chemistry, ja?" Barbarus chortled.
"It's a very, very unfortunate thing about your uncle. My father spoke quite highly of the "Ol' Battleaxe"." Shinedown admitted as Gilda blinked.
"Wait-wait-wait-waiiit. How did YOU know his nickname?" the griffin inquired, scratching her head.
"My dad does, somehow." Shinedown admitted. "In any case, your uncle just passed away in his sleep? You're sure of this?"
"Oh, I know what you're thinking, but my uncle was a cautious type." Gilda chuckled. "Why, he actually used to ol' Malina here taste all his food and drink-"
"Gilda, really!" Malina mumbled angrily.
"It was AWFUL, though." Gilda added as she hung her head and walked down the steps to Twilight, Shinedown and Spike. "It…it was gross, man! I mean I ain't seen anythin' that DISGUSTING-"
"Gilda, I think you needn't-" Malina commented quickly.
"I've never seen him like he was last night, he had this awful silly grin and his back was-"
"My Empress, why don't you go get ready to check in on that park that's to be opened like you swore you would? We can take our esteemed guests along with us for a tour of our fair city." Malina said.
"Oh yes, good idea, good idea. She's got quite the head on her shoulders, my Malina does. Bit of a tyrant but VERY efficient." Gilda bragged as she put one arm around Malina's shoulder and she and the other two griffins headed up the stairs, Shinedown frowning darkly.
"Twilight…did you hear what she said about a silly grin on Emperor Claudius's face?" He whispered softly as they quickly shifted behind a large pillar to talk in private, Spike looking left and right, shimmying up and down the pillar as the watchman.
"Yeah…that doesn't make sense." Twilight murmured. "And I'm surprised those two didn't burst into evil laughter after saying he died in his sleep. I mean…she's named "Malina"? And that chemistry-studying brute she's got for an assistant?"
"Unlike yours truly, the ever-charming Spike." Spike said, brushing the spiky crest atop his head back. "I'm surprised they weren't wearing t-shirts that said "Bad Guy"." He held up a claw. "Speaking of which, I need to get a t-shirt myself!"
"A silly grin. And distortion of the back muscles…those are all classic signs of strychnine poisoning!" Shinedown murmured as his eyes flittered back and forth in the palace, looking to see if anyone was listening.
"You sure know a lot about crime. In another life you coulda been a kingpin."
"And you could have been on an animated reality show." Shinedown chuckled, winking at the audience.
"I think we need to talk to Gilda alone, get more information out of her." Twilight reasoned. "And we have to make sure those two aren't around to steer the conversation away."
"Listen…you try to get Malina and Barbaras away from him. I'll pay a call on Gilda and get the inside scoop." Shinedown insisted.
"You're sure you won't try to hang her out a window?" Spike asked, Shinedown getting a flashback to what he'd done to Mr. Simon Cow.
"…er…I can control myself…for great justice." He proclaimed, the background around him shifting to a triumphant gradient as Twilight Sparkle and Spike left the room, Shinedown hocking up his medallion as he put it around his neck. "And justice will be served. I'll call upon young Gilda…As the Shadow."
…
…
…
… "That settles it. I've GOTTA have this stupid thing cordoned off." Gilda said as she shook the railing on the porch outside of her enormous bedroom window. Malina passed by the hall with Twilight, Barbaras and Spike, talking about the fabulous history of the Imperial Palace. It was, of course, boring Spike to tears. A tiny wet trail was following behind him from his constant moaning "Nooooo mooooore" as Malina went into detail about the asbestos that had been in the ceiling.
As for the porch, it was a sorry sight. It clearly wasn't very safe to stand on. Furthermore, if said porch broke off or if you fell down through the barely-standing railing, you'd be dashed into a million little pieces on the rocks a thousand feet below. Having a city in the mountains COULD be problematic. God forbid there be an AVALANCE or they'd most likely lose half the city.
"Which reminds me, I should really do something for avalanche protection." Gilda thought out loud to herself as she paced back and forth in her room, unaware of the form that had slunk down from the roof, using an attic window…which was watching her quietly…staring intently. "Maybe I should start letting unicorns come into the city, griffins can't do magic for squat."
"Using them to send falling rocks flying away?"
"Yeah, it's levitation, Holmes-" Gilda began to say, blinking suddenly and stiffening on the spot. "…what was that?"
"It was me."
"Who's speaking? What's going on?! T-there's nobody in here!" Gilda gasped out, whipping her head back and forth, the voice seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere.
"I…spoke. I…am the SHADOW." The voice intoned. It was deep, powerful, and above all, chilled her to the bone.
"T-The Shadow?" Gilda's golden eyes narrowed intently. "I've heard of you! You're that Mare nobody can see!"
"Yes. I am always unseen…but I am here, all the same. And where I go I bring justice."
"You got some nerve sneakin' into MY crib." Gilda growled, raising an eyebrow. "I should give you props for that."
"I don't need "props", my dear. I need…information. Tell me, Gilda…tell me of your dear uncle. Are you so sure…his death was natural?""
"Well, there was an awful grin, and…and his body was all hunched over." Gilda admitted as she nervously pawed the carpet below her. "I thought it was so strange, but Barbaras, Malina's assistant, he's got a nursing degree and stuff. He said it wasn't anything serious."
"It was very serious, my dear. Very…very serious. DEAD SERIOUS." The Shadow whispered. "And where is your uncle's body now?"
"In the west wing of the castle, in the topmost tower in his old room. I ain't moved him from his bed. Mostly cuz, as I told Twilight, Spike and that other guy with the nice fur job, he stank. And bein' dead ain't improved his smell much." Gilda went on, looking through the closet. Nope. No disturbing ghostly spectre with a freaky ethereal voice in THERE.
"My Lord, by now he stinketh. The word of the Lord." The Shadow quoted, Gilda snorting a bit with laughter. "Yes, the Shadow overheard you speaking to some ponies in the hall." The Shadow went on. "Your uncle made Malina taste all his food and drink, did he not? Tell me why."
"Well, he wasn't just cautious, he had this HUUUUUGE case of paranoia." Gilda said, stretching her arms wide. "Ol' Battleaxe actually thought somebody was tryin' to poison him. A really out there idea, though."
"I think, perhaps, I should speak to your two associates Malina and Barbaras. Where, indeed, is Malina?"
"Right…here." The female griffin growled, sitting in the doorway, arms folded as she glared into the room. "Gilda my dear, this being is COMPLETELY unscrupulous. He along with those little ponies and their stupid dragon are trying to poison your mind!" She remarked.
"Where ARE those two anyhow?" Gilda asked.
Well, Spike was walking away from the giftshop, Twilight groaning as she held her head in her hooves, frustrated that Barbaras had distracted her assistant so easily and gotten them out of the palace so quickly. "Heh-heh-heh." Spike chuckled. "I went to Clawdor and all I got was this stupid t-shirt!"
"He was ABOUT to accuse me of murder!" Malina snarled angrily.
"The thought had occurred to me." The Shadow remarked coldly.
"He is trying to influence you against me! Against your beloved Malinaaa!" Malina moaned piteously, putting a clawed paw over her head as she swooned slightly. "Who is trying to care for you now that your poor uncle is gone, and after all, you have no mother or father, you are all alone!"
"I know, but after all-" Gilda began to say.
"I am trying to save this country, and your country NEEDS you! Where is your PRIDE as Empress of Clawdor?" Malina said, putting a clawed hand on Gilda's shoulder. "The only word of law is your own! Are you going to let someone else dictate your terms! Will you allow a…a Will of the Wisp to dictate how thy will perform?"
"…I'm…going to take a bath." Gilda decided quietly. "…tomorrow the presentation of the water. Then my uncle's funeral. And I really don't wanna talk to any ponies until THEN." She added, stomping off. Eventually Malina chuckled, looking towards the patio.
"A shame to spoil your plans, isn't it, Mr. Shadow?" She laughed, exiting the room as the Shadow swung up onto the roof, rubbing his chin with a hoof.
"Magnificent! A murderess who seeks to outwit me by having HER do the accusing for me! Oh yes, this is a new game. But one that THE SHADOW shall win!"
…
…
…
… "It's a tricky business." Shinedown admitted as he sat in a Clawdorian café, Twilight sipping a milkshake as Spike showed off his t-shirt to some other tourists nearby, the blue-mohawked mare's head drooping down to flop onto the table next to his own milkshake. "I need a smoking gun…but I keep drawing blank cartridges!"
"What we need is something clever." Twilight Sparkle said as she rubbed her own chin, an invisible eyebrow raised.
"I don't know how to PROVE that woman was poisoned!" Shinedown groaned. "I've not got the scientific intellect for that…"
"…Spike…did you bring quill and paper and ink?" Twilight suddenly inquired, a gleam coming into her eyes.
"Yes. Why?" Spike asked, looking back at her as Twilight took the quill, dipping the feathery pen into the bottle and furiously writing on a sheet of parchment.
"Listen, I've got an idea." Twilight whispered to Shinedown and Spike. "Listen. DON'T read this yet. Wait about an hour or so." She said, seeing that Malina was approaching with Barbaras from the other end of the café. She passed the note to Shinedown, stuffing it into his mouth before she began speaking slightly loudly, Shinedown choking the note down as quickly as he could, gasping a bit.
"GAAH…hoo…it…AHH…"
"Precisely, Shinedown! I absolutely agree! If I don't make that test on Claudius's body, then it'll all be for naught. If he died in his sleep last night I've got to make that test by 3:00, within twenty four hours or-oh!" She turned her head to look at Malina and her assistant as if surprised. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
"We'd like to demonstrate our race's signature hospitality!" Malina remarked with a toothy beaked grin, holding her clawed paws together. "And our hospitality includes a personal tour of the beautiful silver mines which our capital city was built so close to!"
"Well, that IS a treat!" Twilight said cheerily as Spike licked his lips.
"Oh you've got no idea!"
"Spike, we are de-facto emissaries of the country of Equestria and delegates of the Equi-Fina company. We are NOT going to decrease the value of silver through your snacking." Twilight admonished him, shaking a hoof in the air as he pouted slightly.
"Ohhhhh." Spike groaned, slouching a bit.
We'd LOVE to see the silver mines, Ms. Malina." Twilight admitted. "But it's very important we head back to Tallonn Tower-"
"I remember, Ms. Sparkle." Malina chuckled. "You must be back by 3 o'clock."
…
…
…
…it wasn't long before the group was trotting through the labyrinthine silver mines of Clawdor, the faintest trickle of silver lining the walls, leading the way towards the deepest parts of the caverns. There were faint silver sparkles lining the stalagmites and stalactites in the caves as they followed a fairly large river of magma, Shinedown and Spike falling behind somewhat as Malina led Twilight deeper and deeper inside the darkness.
"The former Emperor, Claudius, found a hidden cache of wealth in here, stored by pirates." Malina informed Twilight as they arrived at an enormous lava pool, natural outcroppings visible in the walls of the cave, something glittering inside of the holes in the walls. Malina walked over to it, pulling out a large bottle of wine and holding it in the air. "Silk, jewels, and, of course, fine, fine wine. And that's not even COUNTING the silver in the walls!"
Twilight whistled in amazement as she looked around the sparkling caverns. Silver decorated the walls like beautiful natural pieces of art. It was one of the most glittering and beautiful natural wonders she'd ever seen in all her life. "Magnificent, magnificent indeed, Miss Malina!" She admitted as Malina took a small cup of silver free from the treasure-holding outcroppings hewn from the rocky walls, pouring a glass.
"Would you care for some wine? I can understand if you said no…" The griffin said in a mellifluous tone.
"Oh, I don't mind." Twilight admitted as she took the cup from the griffin who went to put the bottle back. "But I do notice Spike and Shinedown are rather…cut off. Literally."
She wasn't nervous, but being stuck in a cave filled with a pool of lava was…something that would make MOST ponies nervous. And she was CLOSE to getting nervous.
"Oh, so it would seem. This happens regularly here. The lava rises and falls and occasionally cuts off the entranceway behind us as the riverbed expands rapidly. It wouldn't be safe to fly you over, at least, not yet. We've got to wait an hour or so. I'm afraid you'll miss being able to make that test of yours." Malina informed her, looking back over her shoulder as Twilight stared at the lava as it flowed through the entranceway via the river.
"Yes…I'm sure you find it very "unfortunate"." Twilight murmured to herself as she put the glass down, holding a hoof to her head. "I…ugh…my head, I…ohhh…"
She struggled to get her bearings, but couldn't seem to stand up straight, finally falling to the rocky ground as Malina's laughter rang in her ears…
Meanwhile, Spike was pacing by the lava, growing a bit before he hopped up and down. "I can't stand it no more! We gotta go after her!" He yelled, looking at the entrance hallway that led to the pool area where Twilight and Malina were, Barbaras standing nearby as Shinedown twirled the Shepherd's Crook he often used, which he was about to make use of now!
"URGHK!"
"Calm it down, Spike." Shinedown insisted, lowering Spike back to the ground as he rested the crook on his shoulder. "We can't go after them, we're cut off."
"But what about that big, fancy test Twilight was supposed to do at 3?" Spike asked as Barbaras rolled his eyes.
"Am afraid that ees not going to happen, ees already 3:30, you see? No, not happening, ja?" The griffin said as he cleaned his monocle off.
"Wait-wait-wait." Shinedown coughed a bit before hacking up the note Twilight had force-fed him, blinking down at it. "Twilight's note."
"A note from Ms. Sparkle, is it?" Barbaras inquired, scratching his head as Shinedown looked it over, Spike folding his arms.
"Lemme see." Shinedown mumbled. "…vital that you make medical test, get recovery of alkaloid…by Celestia's Horn, we've got to get back to that castle and make the test immediately!"
"Ohhhh? A note from Ms. Sparkle that says you must go to castle? No, my fine Equestrian friends, cannot let you do that." Barbaras growled, folding his arms before his chest as Spike snorted.
"Don't know how you think you're gonna stop us!"
"You see dees GUN?!" Barbaras hissed, holding a gun up that he'd kept hidden in a holster under his wing.
"And do you see this STICK?!" Shinedown growled, twirling his Shepherd's Crook rapidly.
"I warn you Herr Horsey!" Barbaras growled out before Spike bit into his side, making him shriek as Shinedown grabbed ahold of the griffin's throat, twirling him around and around over his head before slamming him deep into the earth, the griffin moaning heavily as he staggered around a bit. "Yes, mah-mah, ees time for beddy bye…"
THWOMP. He hit the ground as Spike dusted himself off. "Sorry buddy, but when Twilight Sparkle gives me orders…I CARRY 'EM OUT!"
…
…
…
… "Ugh…wh-what time is it?" Twilight mumbled as she struggled to get up.
"Five o'clock. I'm afraid you'll be a trifle late for your appointment." Malina remarked, sniggering madly.
"You DELIBERATELY trapped me here and kept me a prisoner!" Twilight angrily stated, getting to her hooves, lowering her head and growling at Malina.
"Oh? Really? And why should I do that?" The griffin managed to get out, putting a claw to her beak.
"You're greedy for power! I could tell from the way you treat Gilda. You're determined to be the brains behind the power, determined to be the de-facto ruler of Clawdor, having HER be nothing more than a figurehead by manipulating her every move!" Twilight proclaimed. "And you poisoned Claudius because he would have been onto you!"
"You've quite the imagination. Not that anyone would believe you." Malina told her calmly. "Now then…I believe it's time we get going. You see Ms. Sparkle…" The griffin went on as a dark grin spread across her beaked face. "We could have left at any time. There's a secret entrance to this cave right here…which leads back to the castle."
With that, she headed over to a rocky outcropping, tugging down on a stalagmite nearby as a sliding door that had been disguised as part of the wall gave way and slid open. "Come…fool."
Some time later, Twilight was sitting in the main hall, looking oddly calm as Shinedown and Spike approached them, Spike carrying the special Fountain Water that Gilda had requested, a definitely triumphant grin on their faces. "I trust Barbaras was a suitable companion?" Malina asked of them, frowning a bit at their expressions.
"Oh, yes, yes. We had a very…spirited…discussion about the merits of the shepherd's crook versus the revolver. I think I made my point quite forcefully." Shinedown chuckled out.
"…where is Barbaras now?" Malina asked with a hint of anger.
"Oh, I think he's lying down. He had all the symptoms of a very bad headache." Shinedown managed to get out before he and Spike burst into laughter, Twilight grinning as Malina glared over at her.
"What're you smirking about?! What's going on?!?"
"I'm afraid Ms. Malina that your plans have misfired. In a few minutes Gilda's going to be here to arrest you for treason." Twilight informed the griffin.
"Gilda would NEVER believe you!" Malina screeched at the pony.
"WOULDN'T I?!" Gilda roared out, pointing an accusing claw down at Malina, guards on either side of her as she stomped down the steps towards the group. "You traitorous ol' CHICKEN! You poisoned my uncle!"
"Gilda, what lies have these ponies been telling you!" Malina said, trying to give the same weepy performance she'd tried with the Shadow.
"YOU'RE the one who's been lyin' through her beak! I can't believe I believed you when you said you'd been tasting the Ol' Battleaxe's food n' drink! But when Shinedown and Spike actually had her stomach pumped…the results were clear as day. You snuck strychnine into his wine!" The empress growled coldly.
"But the test could prove nothing after twenty-four hours! You said so yourself!" Malina gasped at Twilight as Twilight rubbed fake dust off her chest with a hoof.
"Yeaaaah, that was a lie." Twilight admitted. "You thought you were shanghaiing me, but I was shanghaiing you. I knew once I spoke about such a test you'd try to keep me from doing it. By the way…drugged wine? I mean, REALLY?" Twilight added with a sigh.
"You didn't DRINK it?!"
"No, and frankly, it was insulting that you thought I would like you did to Claudius."
"It's like the old saying, ya great big chicken. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice and shame on YOU. You know what this means…don't you?!" Gilda growled darkly as she pawed at the carpet below her. "You're going to be taken to the dungeons…and then, tomorrow, you'll be beheaded."
"No! NEVER!" Malina roared out as she ran through the hall, Gilda and the others chasing after her as she made her way to Gilda's room…to the patio which was located a bit too far up from that steep, steep drop. "I don't think you'll get me NOW! I'd rather go this way!" She proclaimed, holding her paws to her chest as she leapt down with her one working wing towards the rocks below.
"Don't look Spike!" Twilight gasped as she and the others cringed, Shinedown frowning darkly as he sighed, hanging his head.
"Shabby finish to a shabby business. I suggest you go to the silver mines and collect Barbaras to make sure he DOESN'T escape justice." The mare suggested of Gilda.
"I…I almost can't believe it. She…she really did all that. I…" Gilda murmured, looking down over the railing.
"Yes. She forgot that laws are for all. Not only the poor and the weak." Shinedown informed her. "Now…I believe…" He said, holding up the jar that Spike had brought with them of the fountain water. "…this now belongs to you." He told her as she popped the enormous cork open.
"…will this really make me immortal?" Gilda candidly inquired.
"Oh, definitely! Whitens teeth, freshens breath, the benefits go on and on! It's even been sued for copyright infringement because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman! Much like yours truly!" Shinedown added as he brushed his mane back.
…
…
…
… "I can't believe she BOUGHT it!" Spike laughed, chortling so hard he almost fell off Twilight's back as they headed inside of Shinedown's home, Sunray sleeping on the couch, an old photo album opened up.
"Yes, it IS silly, isn't it? I'm surprised Gilda fell for something as silly as the "fountain of youth" rumor your father's always perpetuated." Twilight admitted to Shinedown as Shinedown gazed down at the photo album, eyes slowly opening wide.
"Yeah, I mean, "Foutain of Youth Water"? How ridiculous! How absurd!"
"How about that." Shinedown said quietly as a small smile spread across his face and he held up the photo he was looking at for the other two to see…
A photo of his father, slightly younger than he was now…arm-wrestling in a bar with a griffin that had a very peculiar and poofy coif…a griffin that the title of the photo called "Ol' Claduius the Battleaxe" in "At the Bar".
"…wow." Twilight admitted, eyes widening in awe.
"Great. My worst nightmare. Gilda livin' FOREVER." Spike chuckled as he headed into the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Twilight called out.
"To get a very special glass of water!" Spike called right back, waving a glass in the air as he stuck his head back into the room, all of them laughing and laughing and laughing.
