Archangel's New Assignment

Chapters

Ticket master
Boast Busters
Big Game Hunting: Everfree Edition
Bridal Gossip
Am I Alive?
To Aid a Timberwolf
Mining Crusade
Mining Crusade 2
A Hard Lesson
Another Hard Lesson
Up And Running
Failure to land

Ticket master

I spent the next couple days working on my ship and on some old gadget ideas I never got around to. I finally got the engine working although I did have to deal with a petitiion from a Ms. Mayor Mare (I almost died laughing at that name) about providing warning before I test the engines. I can't help Ms. Ditzy Doo decided to stick her head into the engine just as I fired them. And who would put a muffin in there anyway? Hey, I don't even think Rainbow Dash has moved that fast before. But I needed a break, all the engine parts were starting to run together. I headed to my armory and grabbed my pack, filing it with stuff I might need: a flashbang grenade (never know, right?), some basic tools, pistol ammo, and some sensors to place around the town so I can keep an eye on things. I strapped my pistol on and my axe.

"Firestorm, Guardian download to bipedal platforms" I said as I exited the armory. a door across the room opened and two robots exited. Guardian had chosen a standard industrial frame (think bulky ASIMO but better) and Firestorm had chosen a more feminine Coré-class infiltration unit.

"How may we help Captain?" asked Guardian. I looked at Guardian first

"I need you to work on the long-range artillery guns, Guardian" I said "Never know when we might need them"

"Yes sir" Guardian said as he turned and left "And you Firestorm, I need you to work on the comm systems"

"Consider it done Captain" Firestorm answered as she left for the bridge. I made my way to the entrance of my base, but saw something that stopped me: against the door were Twilight and Spike out of breath and holding the door like they were keeping something out.

"Uh, Twilight?" I asked "Is something wrong?"

"Captain" she answered paniced "You have to help me, they've all lost their minds"

"Who has? What's going on?" I asked. I activated the outer video feed and saw what she was talking about: outside the door was a massive group of ponies, looking like they were about to meet their idol. I needed to do something.

"Ok, hold on" I said as I reached for my communicator "Firestorm, lift the ship up"

"Yes sir" She responded as the ship shuddered "You might want to brace yourselves" Then the ship shifted as the six legs began to push the fuselage off the ground and into the air, now making my base resemble a giant beetle.

"Guardian, any chance you can launch a blank shell" I asked

"If you mean an artillery shell that will mearly create a loud noise, yes" he replied "but only one"

"Do it" With that the base shook again as the shell was fired creating a huge boom.

"There that should scare them off" I said turning back to Twilight "Now, what is going on?"
Twilight proceeded to tell me about the letter she received from the princess and the tickets she was given to the Grand Galloping Gala. The only problem was she was only given two tickets, so now everyone in Ponyville wanted her to give the extra to them. She tried to run back to the library but couldn't, so she ran here thinking a military base would be safe.

"Ok, one question" I said when she finished her story "What is a 'Grand Galloping Gala'?"

"Oh, sorry" she said "The Grand Galloping Gala is an annual royal ball hosted in Canterlot..."

"And it's only the biggest party EVER!" interupted a voice causing me to draw my gun and jump back three feet.

"Pinkie?! How did you...when..." I stuttered in confusion

"Come on Twilight, I wanna go, pleeeeeeeaaaase" she begged. I grabbed the pony, made Firestorm drop the ship down, opened the door and tossed her out. I turned back to Twilight as the ship returned to its raised position.

"Thank you,Captain" Twilight said

"No problem" I replied "Oh and don't worry about me asking for the ticket, remember I'm not a party person, especially not high society parties. What do we do now?"

"Well if I can get back to the library, I would be able to figure it out" she said "but if I walk out there, everypony's going to hassle me until I give the ticket to them"

"True" I said, suddenly getting an idea "But what if you had a big, scary bodyguard to escort you? No one would even try to approach you"

"That's a great idea" she said "but where are we going to get a bodyguard?"

"Oh, I know a guy" I said as I entered the armory. A few minutes later, I exited wearing my armor and helmet, carrying the biggest gun I could find, the PKP Pecheneg.

"Oh" Twilight said realizing the 'guy' was me "That might work"

"Intimidation is one of my many talents" I said proudly but startling the unicorn and dragon "What? Is the voice too much?"
I had made my voice modulator replicate a very deep yet robotic voice.

"No, that's perfect" said Twilight approvingly "Let's try it"

"Firestorm, lower us down" I commanded. As soon as the base touched down, the crowd was back ready to ambush Twilight. I stepped out of the door first.

"All of you" I commanded in my booming voice "Leave, NOW!" Firestorm moved the ship so it looked like an attack dog ready to attack. Every pony immediatly bolted.

"Wow" I said shocked "That was way more effective than I thought it would be" I looked to Twilight "Let's go" we made our way through Ponyville toward the library tree. No one even looked at us, but that's to be expected when you are an armor-clad, gun-toting super-soldier. When we arrived at the tree I saw something inside.

"Twilight, someone's inside" I warned her in my regular voice. She opened the door and, sure enough, their was Fluttershy and an army of animals all dusting the books in the library. I strapped the gun to my back and entered.

"Oh Fluttershy, not you too" groaned Twilight

"Oh, hello Twilight" she said "we're just doing a little spring cleaning for you"

"You do realize it's not spring, right?" I said

"Better late than never" she replied "It was Angel's idea"

"This is about the ticket, isn't it" Twilight said

"Oh no, I'm doing this becasue your my very best friend" she said looking to who I assumed was her pet rabbit Angel, who gave her a dirty look "Oh, actually yes, we are just doing this for the ticket"

"Look, this isn't helping me decide" Twilight said "please all of you just leave"

"SUPRISE!" shouted a bunch of ponies who appeared out of nowhere
How does everypony keep sneaking up on me like that? I thought as Pinkie Pie began singing. Again.

"Pinkie" said Twilight trying to get her attention
Pinkie kept singing
"Pinkie" I said a little louder
Still singing
"PINKIE!" both of us shouted as she finished

"Yes, Twilight" she repilied calmly (by Pinkie Pie standards)

"At least everypony else was subtle about the ticket"

"What ticket?" asked a random pony which caused Pinkie to infor ALL the ponies about the Grand Galloping Gala ticket.

"Uh, Twilight" I said worried as all the ponies began closing in "I recommend we run"

"Good plan" she said as we bolted out the door. We were now being chased through Ponyville by a mob of brown-nosing ponies. I used the flashbang to buy us some time, but it only held them for a few seconds. We dashed down an alley dodging pegesi only to realize that we were trapped with ponies closing in.

"I'm all out of ideas" I said paniced "feel free to contribute" but Twilight was already working on it. Her horn was glowing and I felt the familiar tingling of magic. Then in a flash of light Twilight, Spike and I were teleported back to the library.

"Why do I always end up crashing after teleporting?" I asked as I picked myself up.

"A little warning next time" said a scorched Spike

"Sorry" she said still in a panic "Quick lock the doors" Spike and I then frantically began locking down the library as Twilight continued talking to our friends. I hadn't even noticed that they were in the room.

"Look sugarcube" began Applejack "Ah didn't mean ta put so much pressure on ya, and if it helps, ah don't want the ticket anymore"

"Me too" said Fluttershy "I feel just aweful for making you feel so aweful"

"And me too" said Pinkie "It's no fun upsetting your friends"

"Twilight, it was unfair of me to try to force you the way I did" apologized Rarity

"Yes!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash "That means the ticket is mine" She continued her celebration until she saw the angry look I was giving her, stopping her dead.

"Spike, take a note" said Twilight as Spike produced a quill and paper from nowhere

Why don't I get Hammerspace access I complained mentally as Twilight dictated her note to the dragon.

"...So, though I appreciate the invitation, I will be returning both tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala" she concluded placing the tickets into an envelope with magic.

"What!" exclaimed all five ponies

"If all my friends can't go" Twilight said "Then I don't want to go"

"A noble choice, Twilight" I said as the ponies gave a group hug "Uh, Spike? Are you ok dude?" I asked as the dragon began choking on something.

"Just like a boy" said Applejack "Can't handle the smallest bit of sentiment" Spike then barfed up a green flame and a scroll appeared. He unrolled it and read.

"My faithful student Twilight, why didn't you just ask?" he said "Woah seven tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala"

"Great" said Twilight "now we can all go" All the ponies cheered

Yeah, great I thought

"Where's my ticket?" asked Spike who then coughed up another note. He looked happy but quickly hid his joy.

"Great now I have to go." he said with phony disgust

Boast Busters

"Come on Twilight" said Spike encouragingly "you can do it"
Spike was helping Twilight practice her magic which I, who was spectating and taking energy reading, was very impressed by. My utter lack of knowledge about magic had made anything Twilight did incredibly interesting, so I had asked her if I could sit in on her practice and observe.
"Ok, here goes" said Twilight as she charged her horn. In a flash, Spike had grown a black mustache.

"All right!" sheered Spike "You did it. That makes twenty-five different kinds of tricks and counting. Oh and I think this is the best one so far" Spike then launched into a fantasy where he is flirting with Rarity, which I tuned out.

"Sorry, Romeo" said Twilight "But as attractive as you look, it's just for practice, so it has to go"

"No wait" Spike said trying to stop Twilight, but it was too late as she had already zapped the 'stache off him "Aw, rats"

Later that day, I was walking with Twilight and Spike through Ponyville discussing the practice session.

"Twenty-five, Twilight. Twenty-five different tricks" repeated Spike "I thought unicorns were only suppose to have a little magic to help with their special skill"

"That does make sense" replied Twilight "for unicorns who's talents are things like cooking or math, but what if a unicorn's talent is magic itself?"

"Like you, Twilight, and you have tons of magic"

"Oh, stop it Spike" Twilight said a little embarassed "I'm sure their are plenty of ponies right here in Ponyville that know just as much magic as me"

"Actually Twilight" I said "I've been analysing some of the energy readings I took and, at some points, the only thing that is equivilent to the power you can generate is a high-powered explosive or maybe a small star, which is unheard of in something of your size"

"See Twilight" Spike said a little confused by my analysis "Even the big robot soldier is impressed"

"I am not a robot" I said a little upset

"Gangway!"
"Comin' through!"

As soon as we heard these voices, I felt a small object hit the back of my legs. Twilight; however was knocked over onto her back and Spike was thrown clear. I looked to see two unicorns: a small greenish one and a tall bronzish one.

"Snips! Snails!" Spike said to the unicorns "What's going on?"

"You haven't heard?" asked the tall unicorn in a goofy voice "There's a new unicorn in town"

"Yeah" interjected the small one "They say she has more magical powers than any other unicorn ever"

"Not possible" said Spike "That honor goes to Twilight..."

"Where is this unicorn?" Twilight asked cutting Spike off

"She's in the town square" answered the tall one "Come on"
We then followed the two unicorns to the town square where a stage was set up and a croud had gathered as a unicorn dressed like Merlin adressed them. The three of us took a seat next to Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applejack. Well I took a seat as I am twice the height of the average pony.

"Come one, come all!" she began "Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie"
The audience marveled at her.
"Watch as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!" punctuated by fireworks and a fanfare

"Does that mean I'm not allowed to watch?" I whispered to Spike who chuckled to himself, then when back to trying to flirt with Rarity.

"My, my, my!" scoffed Rarity "What boasting!"

"There's nothing wrong with being talented" asked Twilight nervously "Is there?"

"Nothin' at all" answered Applejack " 'cept when somepony goes around showin' it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons"

"Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us" declared Rarity

"especially when ya got me around being better than the rest of us" proclaimed a proud Rainbow Dash

"Really Dash?" I said with a raised eyebrow "Really?"

"Yeah, uh, I mean, Boo!"

"Well it appears we have some naysayers in the audience" said Trixie "Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie? Do they not know they're in the presence of the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria?"

"Oh my god: Who the hell cares?" I taunted

"We all know Twilight here is the..." Spike started to say but was silenced by Twilight who was furiously whispering something

"So, 'Great and Powerful Trixie'." said Rainbow "What makes you think your so awesome?"

"Why, because only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to vanquish the dreaded Ursa Major" Trixie declared punctuated by fireworks and horns. I kind of tuned out the rest of what Trixie said as I was getting tired of listening to her ramble. Spike was constantly trying to tell everyone that Twilight was better but she kept silencing him.

"Don't believe the Great and Powerful Trixie?" she asked "Well then, I hearby challenge you, Ponyvillians: anything you can do, I can do better. Any takers? Anyone? Hmm? Or is Trixie destined to be the greatest equine who ever lived!" Trixie then pointed her hoof at Twilight and called her out, but was saved by Applejack.

Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity all challenged Trixie but were made fools of by her magic. I had seen enough.

"Hey Trixie" I said standing up "How 'bout a little more of a challenge?"

"Ha, and who are you?" she asked tauntingly

"I am Captain Archangel" I declared as I climbed onto the stage "and I can do things you can do with no magic at all"

"Oh really?" she said "Then let's see"

"Ok" I said as I loosened up a bit "Here's an easy one" I deployed the flare gun I had built into my shoulder and fired three flares into the air. Trixie imitated.

"Ha, is that the best you can do?" Trixie asked

"Oh no, I got more" I said "try and beat this" I pressed a few buttons on my arm

"Let's see if you can..." I began
"Imitate another pony's voice" I finished in Trixie's voice. Trixie was shocked that I could replicate her voice but kept a strong face.

"What? I thought the Great and Powerful Trixie enjoyed hearing yourself talk" I taunted in Trixie's voice illiciting a laugh from the crowd. Trixie then charged her horn and fired a bolt at Fluttershy.

"Oh, you mean like this" she answered in Fluttershy's soft voice. I was stunned that she could actually copy her voice and even her speech pattern.

"Even you can't match the Trixie for power" she said victorious

"Wait" I interrupted "we were testing power? Then gimme your best shot"

"What?" Trixie asked as I squared my shoulders to her "You realize just what you're asking Trixie to do"

"I know what I said, and I bet you can't knock me down" I taunted "unless you don't have the guts to do it"

"How DARE you assume the Great and Powerful Trixie is fearful" she raged as she charged her horn "if a test of strength is what you want, then Trixie will deliver" Trixie then unleashed her magic, I simply leaned out of the way dodging it.

"Trixie" I said trying to piss her off "You're suppose to hit me" she fired another bolt which I similarly dodged.

"Closer but still a miss" I taunted. She fired a third bolt. Now was the time to test my new upgrade. I blocked the magic blast with the palm of my left hand causing the golden gear to absorb the energy which was then transfered through my body into my right hand. I then unleashed the energy by punching toward Trixie, which crated a compact bolt of energy that tunneled through the stage between her hooves.

"Hot damn" I celebrated "It does work. Thank you Trixie, I'll be leaving now"

"Wait, what?" she asked in confusion

"Oh, I wasn't trying to beat you" I said as I climbed off the stage "I just needed somepony to test out my new energy redirection system"

"Then what was all of that talk before?" she asked again as I started to leave the show

"Oh that" I said "I just kind of enjoy pissing off showboating, egotistical morons like you" Some of the audience began cheering after my speech but most were still supporting the obnoxious unicorn.

I left town and returned home to run some tests on the energy redirection system and determine just how effective it was. after a few hours of tinkering in my quarters, I heard Firestorm over the loud speaker

"Captain, I'm detecting a very strange creature on its way to the town"

"What kind of creature?" I asked as I stood up and grabbed my AUG off the wall

"Unknown" she said as I took the lift down to the armory "But it's huge"

"Alright, get the guns and launchers online and wait for my signal" I grabbed an ammo pouch of M203 grenades and magazines then made my way out of the base and into town. It was nighttime now but that didn't really affect me. I quickly made my way into the town square and saw exactly what Firestorm was talking about: rampaging through the square was a bear-like creature easily the size of any building in the town. The weirdest part was that it was somewhat translucent and contained a set of white spots that resembled the constelation for the little dipper. I launched a flare to get its attention.

"HEY! OVER HERE!" I yelled to draw it off. The creature turned and faced me, letting the two unicorns it was scaring get away. I drew my rifle to my shoulder, chambered a round and opened fire. The creature was shocked by the muzzle flash and sound but appeared to be unharmed. I emptied my first mag, I realized the bullets were mearly passing through the giant bear. The bear was unaffected but was really angry and lunged. I dove to the side narrowly avoiding the massive animal.

"Let's try some explosives then" I said to myself as I loaded the underbarrel grenade launcher. The bear turned toward me and roared. I fired the grenade which actually did hit the creature, but instead of detonating it just dropped straight down and exploded.

"Captain!" I heard a voice behind me. I turned to see who it was and saw Trixie, Twilight, Spike, and the two unicorns from earlier running toward the bear.

"Twilight...!" I began to yell but was cut off by a strong smack from an oversized bear paw. I felt the hard surface of concrete and wood as I smashed through the wall of a nearby house. I regained my composure as the terrified ponies gathered around my dizzy form.

"Are you OK?" asked one of them as I stood up

"Ugh, yeah" I said shaking my head to stop the stars from spinning "I'll be fine" I walked out the hole in the wall and joined the group as Trixie failed to subdue the bear.

"Come on Trixie" said the taller unicorn in a vaguely Canadian accent "show that Ursa Major who's boss"

"I can't" Trixie said defeated "I never have, I made it all up to make myself look better"

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" I asked sarcastically "So if your magic and my munitions can't stop it, what do we do?" I glanced over to Twilight, who had an expression that said she knew what to do.

"You have a plan, don't you Twilight?" I asked

"Wha...me?" she responded surprised "I-I guess I do" she said unsure

"Well then let's do this" I said reloading my rifle and bringing it to bear (no pun intended) "I've got your back"

Twilight stepped forward and began focusing power into her horn. She levitated the Ursa into the air and began rocking it slowly, meanwhile she was causing the wind to blow through a group of nearby reeds creating a kind of lullaby sound. The magical energy she expended doubled suddenly when the town's water tower came floating in and landed in the sleepy bear's paws. The bear began suckling the impromptu bottle and was floated out of town and out of view. Everyone in attendance was now completely blown away by what we just watched. I had to say something.

"That...was...AMAZING!" I exclaimed. The rest of our friends walked up congratulating her.

"Please don't hate me" Twilight said defensively

"Why would we hate ya?" asked Applejack

"Because I saw how much you hated Trixie showing off her magic tricks" She said nervously "and I just thought..."

"Magic has nothing to do with it Twilight" said Rainbow "Trixie's just a loudmouth"
Twilight relaxed a little.

"So you don't mind my magic tricks?" she asked sheepishly

"I wouldn't call them 'tricks' but I think I speak for everyone when I say we're proud of who you are, magic and all" I declared. The other ponies all agreed

"Hey Twilight" Spike said "How did you know what to do?"
Twilight's confidence returned immediately.

"That's actually what I was doing when you came looking for me" Twilight said "I was so intrigued by Trixie's bragging that I was compelled to do a little reading"

"So It is possible to defeat an Ursa Major?" Spike asked

"Oh that wasn't an Ursa Major" she said "That was a baby: an Ursa Minor"

"That was just a baby?" Trixie said in shock

"And it wasn't rampaging it was just cranky because..." she turned to Snips and Snails "Somepony woke it up"
Both of the unicorns dropped their heads in guilt.

"So if that was an Ursa Minor, what's an Ursa Major like?" asked Spike

"You don't want to know" answered Twilight with a grin

"Well" began Trixie "You may have vanquished an Ursa Minor, but you will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" She then created a cloud of smoke which quickly cleared revealing a retreating Trixie. I lined Trixie up with the white dot in my rifle's scope.

"I got your show-stopper right here" I said

"No Captain" Twilight said stopping me " let her go, maybe she'll learn her lesson" She turned around looking for Snips and Snails. They were trying to sneak away. I positioned myself in front of them.

"And where do the two of you think you're going?" I said as they bumped into me
They were paralyzed in fear.

"Twilight, what do you think is fair for these two?" I asked the unicorn of the hour

"Well first of all" she said as she gestured toward the stage which had been destroyed in the battle "You two can clean up this mess..." she looked at Spike "and what do you think Spike, should I give them number twenty-five?"
The unicorns were scared but Spike was overjoyed.

"Yes and me too" he moved next to the pair. Twilight's horn glowed purple and magic burst forth creating mustaches on the trio.

"Seriously?" I said with a facepalm

After a little while, I left and returned home. Once inside, I called for Firestorm.

"How can I help Captain?" She asked as I synchronized my systems with the ship

"If 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' ever enters Ponyville again, let me know"

"New Pony of Interest logged in Sir" she said "I'll be sure to let you know if she returns"

Author's Note

Crappy ending I know but I was getting tired of working on this one. Positive criticism is appreciated as well as future chapter ideas. thanks everyone.

Big Game Hunting: Everfree Edition

Warning: slight gore possible

"Hold on let me see if I understand what you want" I said to Fluttershy "You need me to accompany you into the Everfree Forest..."

"Yes" she confirmed

"So we can track down a creature that has been attacking your animals..."

"Yes" she said again

"And possibly kill it so it can never do this again, that right"

"Unfortunately yes" she said with a pang of guilt "If I can't reason with it, then I will need you to stop it...um, if that's ok with you of course"

"But why do I need such powerful weapons?" I said as I glanced at my XM500 sniper rifle

"Because this creature is very dangerous" Fluttershy said

"Got it" I confirmed "Let's get this over with"
Fluttershy and I exited her cottage and made our way to the entrance of the Everfree Forest. As we entered, I drew the P90 submachine-gun from the holder on my hip and prepared myself for anything. I kept scanning the area for anything hostile. But then I realized: I had no idea what I was looking for. I asked Fluttershy.

"Uh, Fluttershy" I said making her jump a little "What exactly does this creature look like?"

"Oh, I completely forgot about that" she said "I haven't seen it myself but my animals tell me it's really scary"

"I'm gonna need more than 'scary' if we're going to find this thing" I said

"Sorry" she said "Let's see..." Fluttershy then began recounting the descriptions her animals gave her of the creature that had attacked them. Apparently we were looking for a creature that was dog-like in appearance with a long snake tail, razor-sharp claws, and a vulture's head.

"So where do we start looking for this thing?" I asked still keeping an eye out

"Well, most of the animals it attacked had been in a meadow not far from here" Fluttershy said as I adjusted my hearing to her soft voice. Fluttershy was becoming more and more nervous as we traveled further into the forest.

"So Fluttershy" I said trying to calm the Pegasus "You can talk to animals?"

"Well, not like I talk you or another pony" she explained "But I can understand what they mean and they can understand me"

"That's an amazing ability Fluttershy" I said causing the Pegasus to hide behind her mane

"Oh, it's nothing really" she said "I'm sure it doesn't even compared to what you can do"

"Don't be so modest Fluttershy" I said "anyone can blow stuff up, but it takes a special kind of pers...uh...pony, to care for something, "

"Oh you're just saying that" she said blushing a bit

"I always mean what I say" I countered. We walked for a few more minute stopping when a leaf or twig startled Fluttershy, until we reached the meadow. It was filled with wild grasses and flowers and a purely positive energy.

"Ok Fluttershy" I said as I looked at a nearby tree "I'll set up here and watch over you while you talk to that thing"

"W-wait" she said as her eyes grew wide with fright "y-you're not coming with me?"

"Fluttershy" I said "if we want to keep that creature from freaking out we need to appear as nonthreatening as possible, and a 500-lb. heavily armed soldier is very threatening"

"B-b-but what if it attacks?" She asked in fear. I brought my sniper rifle out.

"That's why I brought this. With this rifle I can hit a target roughly the size of a pumpkin from almost a mile away" I paused and withdrew a bullet "and these bullets can punch a hole in a concrete wall" She still wasn't convinced.

"Fluttershy, you know you can trust me" I said "you'll be fine, I'll be watching everything from this tree"

"O-ok" she said still nervous. I began climbing the tree and took my position on a branch with my back to the tree trunk. I looked through my scope and found the target.

"OK Fluttershy, I can see the creature" I reported to the petrified Pegasus "go ahead and try to talk to it, I've got your back"

"I'm s-s-scared" she said as she cowered on a nearby branch

"Fluttershy, your animals need you" I said trying to encourage her "you're the only pony who has any chance of reasoning with that thing"

"You're right" she said with a hint of confidence "I have to do this"

"That's the spirit" I said "go do your thing Fluttershy"
She landed on the ground and made her way cautiously to the middle of the meadow where the creature was. I released the safety and cycled the action moving the first .50 Caliber BMG bullet into the chamber. I watched Fluttershy carefully as she made contact with the creature.

"Diplomacy: the art of saying 'nice doggy' until your sniper gets the range" I said to myself with a chuckle "My kind of diplomacy"
As Fluttershy conversed with the creature, I noticed movement in the tall grass making its way toward her. I used my X-ray vision filter to identify the anomaly as another one of the animals.

Fuck I thought This is bad
The creature moved in behind Fluttershy, who noticed it and moved so the two were in front of her. She looked over at me, revealing a look of fear and worry. Then things began to go downhill. Two more creature appeared, now surrounding the Pegasus.

"Ok, I've seen enough" I said to myself as one of the creatures moved to attack.
I fired, sending 700 grains of anti-anything power downrange. The round impacted the creature in the shoulder, blasting it off and throwing the animal a few yards back. All three remaining creatures looked around confused by the long-range intervention, which I answered by firing again, blasting another creature's head clean off.
Boom, headshot I thought triumphantly

"Fluttershy!" I yelled "Get over here!" I fired again but missing on purpose to scare the creatures as Fluttershy began running back toward my tree. More creatures showed up, but two of them managed to catch a bullet. I jumped down from the tree firing two more times and nailing one of the creatures. By this point, there were five of them. As Fluttershy reached my position, I fired my remaining three shots and killed two of them.

"Dammit" I said as I dropped the now empty rifle looking back to Fluttershy who was cowering behind me "Why didn't I bring more ammo?"
I drew my P90 and opened fire on the charging snake-dog-vultures, emptying twenty-five 5.7mm rounds into one of the creatures, killing it. I reoriented and emptied the remainder into another. The final creature slashed at me damaging my gun, gouging my arm, and knocking me back. The creature was then looming over Fluttershy who was pinned to the ground. My systems kicked into overdrive as I charged the attacker, hitting it broadside like a linebacker. I drew my axe and stood between the beast and the Pegasus. The creature recovered from my charge and entered an aggressive stance.

"Stay behind me" I said as I entered my own stance. The beast lunged and swiped at us, but only managed to cause a small cut on my leg. I struck at it with my axe slicing its serpentine tail off, and pissing it off. It returned and tackle me but I used its momentum to roll it over and throw the beast into a tree behind me, stunning it. I had had enough. I raised my axe and swung, embedding the titanium blade into its skull. The creature immediately fell down dead. I wrenched my axe from its head and turned to check on Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy, are you hurt?" I asked as I replaced my axe
Fluttershy's coat and mane were spattered with blood from the creatures I shot and she was paralyzed with fear.
"Fluttershy?" I said moving her mane out of her face "Fluttershy, it's ok, It's safe now"

"H-h-how could you" she stammered out

"How about we get out of here then you can ask me questions" I said. Fluttershy nodded in agreement and we left the meadow. Twenty minutes later we were back at Fluttershy's cottage. Once inside, Fluttershy set about cleaning herself of blood, and asking me questions.

"I don't understand Mr. Archangel, how can you be so ok with what happened?" she asked

"You mean what happened back there?" I said taking a seat on Fluttershy's couch "Ya get use to it"

"But, you killed those creatures" she said "How can you not feel anything?"

"Because they were attacking my friend" I answered "And when you attack my friends, you better be ready to catch a bullet"

"I really do appreciate that" she said "but I just can't believe that you have no problem killing them"

"Actually, now that I think about it, it may have something to do with the fact that humans are omnivorous" I said

"Y-y-you are?" she asked nervously

"Well, since I'm a cyborg, I don't need to eat anything" I said "but yes, most humans eat both plants and animals"
Fluttershy thought about this for a minute.

"I-I guess that makes sense" she said, but obviously didn't like it "I just hope that never has to happen again"
That's when I saw a small white rabbit begin tugging on Fluttershy's tail.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Angel" she said to the rabbit "Did I forget to make your salad?" the rabbit nodded yes and began tapping his foot impatiently.

"Captain, There is a situation in the town square" I heard Guardian say over my radio. I stood up from the couch.

"Sorry about this Fluttershy" I said causing the rabbit to hide behind his owner in fear "but I gotta go, Guardian needs me. Maybe we can talk more later"

"Ok Captain" she answered "and thank you for your help, I'll be sure to let all my little critters know it's safe now"

"Thanks" I replied as I opened the door "goodbye"

"Goodbye Captain"
And with that I left to fix whatever it was that Guardian had messed up.

Bridal Gossip

"Um, Captain" I hear Firestorm say "I think you may want to check on the town. Something weird is going on"

"Such as?" I asked as I grabbed my AUG rifle and Raffica pistol

"All the ponies in town appear to be scrambling to find cover" she said as I exited the armory

"Got it. I'll check it out" I made my way into Ponyville and, lo and behold, not a pony to be seen. I began sweeping the town for any signs of life. After about fifteen minutes of searching, I eventually found Twilight and Spike.

"Hey guys" I said as I slung my weapon over my shoulder "You wouldn't happen to know what's going on would you?"

"No idea" Twilight answered "It's not some pony holiday I would be aware of..."

"You don't think it could be...zombies?" Spike said fearfully

"Spike, the chances of a zombie attack are approximately 16,956,582,761,342 to one against" Guardian said over my speakers

"Translation: Not likely" I said clearing up the answer

"Not likely...but still possible?" he said fearfully

"TWILIGHT, SPIKE, CAPTAIN, OVER HERE" I heard a voice whisper loudly. We all turned and saw Pinkie Pie waving us over to Sugar Cube Corner "HURRY, BEFORE SHE GETS YOU"

"Who?" Spike asked as we made our way inside the dark bakery "the zombie ponies?"

"Zombie ponies?!" Pinkie asked in fright

"Spike, which part of 17 trillion to one did you not understand" I answered

"Pinkie" Twilight asked "why are you alone in the dark?"

"I'm not" she said as Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack's little sister Apple Bloom moved into view

"Ok then what are all of you doing in the dark?" she asked

"We're hidin' from..." Applejack gestured out a window with her hoof "her!"

I moved to the window and, using my telescopic vision, identified the 'her' Applejack was talking about. In the distance, I could see a hooded pony digging at the ground with her hoof. She stopped and looked up at us, her eyes glowing yellow, sending everypony in attendance into a panic. I quickly moved out of the way: If it scares the ponies It may be hostile.

"Did you see her Twilight" Apple Bloom asked "Did you see...Zecora?"
That is an awesome name I thought to myself as I moved to look back out the window.

"Apple Bloom, Ah told you never ta say that name" Applejack scolded

"I saw her look this way" I said continuing to observe

"Look evilly this way" Pinkie said dramatically

"And then all of you flip out for no apparent reason" Twilight finished. Apple Bloom and Applejack began bickering about something, I wasn't really paying attention. Zecora really didn't appear to be a threat, but I wasn't taking any chances. As all the ponies redirected their attention to the window, they witnessed Zecora remove her hood, revealing a black and white striped Mohawk and coat. This drew a gasp from the ponies which Twilight quickly stopped.

"Just look at those stripes" Rarity commented "so garish!"

"She's a Zebra" Twilight declared

"A what?" everypony asked

"Zebras are a species of equine characterized by an alternating pattern of black and white stripes" Guardian recited

"Exactly" Twilight turned to Rarity "those stripes aren't a fashion choice Rarity, she was born with them" Rarity fainted

"Born where?" asked Applejack "Ah've never seen a pony like that in these parts...'cept her"

"Now that you mention it AJ, none of my sensors ever picked up on her" I said as I checked my records

"She's probably not from here, and the Captain's right, I've never seen her here either" said Twilight "Where does she live?"

"That's just it" Applejack said nervously "she lives in...[gulp]...the Everfree forest!" As soon as Applejack finished, a loud crash was heard behind the group. With trained precision, I drew my pistol, released the safety, turned and aimed at the source of the sound: Spike.

"Sorry" he said as he picked up the cupcake pans he knocked over.

"The Everfree forest just ain't natural..." Applejack began but I interrupted

"Yes, yes, we all know about the unnatural Everfree forest" I said a little impatient "Could we please skip ahead a little?"
I watched Pinkie produce a notebook from nowhere and begin frantically flipping through it, reading whatever was written.

"Oh that's me" Pinkie whispered to herself as she replaced the book "And that wicked enchantress Zecora lives there doing her evil...stuff! She's so evil I even wrote a song about her!"

"Seriously?" both Rainbow and I said simultaniously. Only half listening to Pinkie's catchy song, I returned to my observation of the Zebra Zecora. I really didn't see the big deal. After Pinkie's song, Twilight began questioning the ponies.

"This is just alot of gossip and rumors" she began "now tell me; what have you actually seen her do?"

"Well" Dash started "Once a month, she comes into Ponyville"

"Oooooh" Twilight responded sarcastically

"Then she lurks by the shops" Rarity continued

"Dun, dun, duuunnnn" I added dramatically, drawing a familiar look of disdain from Rarity

"And then, she digs at the ground" Fluttershy concluded, drawing another sarcastic response from Twilight. Twilight then began providing her counter-examples for what Zecora could be doing. I was busy trying to come up with a reason as to why my systems had never noticed Zecora. After a few minutes, Applejack made a discovery.

"Hey! Where's Apple Bloom?" she asked

"Scanning" I said as I searched the area with my built-in sensors, finding her quickly "Got it, she appears to be following Zecora"

"Spike stay here in case she comes back" Twilight ordered as the seven of us took off after AJ's sister. We all quickly made our way to the Everfree forest where we saw Apple Bloom following the Zecora. I drew my Raffica and readied for combat.

"Apple Bloom!" Applejack called out "You get back here right now"
Then a new chilling voice spoke up.

"Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!" Zecora said.
Each pony minus Twilight began jeering against Zecora. Zecora took a step forward.

"Beware! Beware!" she said which I answer with a three round burst from my pistol into a tree, startling the zebra. She disappeared into the forest. After a few minutes of bickering and cryptic comments, we all went our seperate ways. I returned to my base. I spent hours trying to figure out how Zecora eluded my scanners, but to no avail.

"Hey Firestorm" I said with a yawn as I made my way to my quarters "Keep working on this, I'm getting some sleep"

"Yes sir, goodnight" she responded as I layed down for the night.

I woke up from my slumber generally feeling bad.

"Ugh, Je me sens mal( I feel terrible)" I said. Wait, did I just speak French?

"Guardian, ce qui se passe?(Guardian, what's going on?)" I attempted to ask my assistant

"Captain, you know I am unable to translate" He reminded me. I began freaking out trying to identify the problem.

"Captain, are you OK?" Guardian asked "You usually do not use your translator" I tried to reboot my voice modulator, but something was blocking me, even my C.A.S.I.E. mod wasn't responding to my commands. My systems were stuck automatically translating into French.

"Non, quelque chose est très mal ici (No, something is VERY wrong here)" I said. I pointed to his drone platform which he downloaded into. "J'ai besoin de voir Twilight (I need to see Twilight)"
I grabbed my AUG and Raffica again and bolted out the base door on my way to Twilight's library, Guardian's drone in pursuit. I made it there in record time and found the unicorn in a similar state of panic with Spike running around gathering books.

"Twilight!" I said "J'ai besoin d'aide (I need help)"

"What?" she asked

"J'ai dit ...(I said...)" I began to say, but was cut off by guardian.

"The Captain is suffering a major malfunction with his C.A.S.I.E. mod's automatic translator" he said which I affirmed by nodding "I believe he thinks you will be able to help"

"I know, I know" she said a bit frazzled "I've got a similar problem" she shook her head which made her now blue-spotted horn flop back and forth.

"Savez-vous ce qui se passe? (Do you know what's going on?)" I asked
Why do you keep asking? No one can understand you anyway I thought

"ARRGH!" growned Twilight "I can't find anything in these books" that's when Pinkie burst in.

"Ah pfurse!" she said slurring due to her inflammed and blue-spotted tongue.

"How could it be a purse?" asked Spike

"Pinkie what happened?" Twilight asked. Pinkie slurred out an answer equivilent to 'Zecora cursed me'

Then Rainbow Dash crashed in, her wings appeared to be stuck on backwards.
"Look what she did to me" Dash said as she bounced around the room, nearly hitting me.

"Hey! Regardez où vous allez! (Hey! Watch where you're going!)" I said dodging out of the way.

"What in the name of Celestia is going on?" Rarity said from behind us. we all turned to see her, her coat now resembling the Sheepdog from Looney Tunes.

"Personne ne sait (Nobody knows)" I answered

"Well somepony has to know" she said blowing some of her fur out of her face "Wait, you speak Prench?

"Si 'Prench' est quelque chose comme l'homme française, alors oui(If 'Prench' is anything like human French, then yes)" I I answered hoping I had found a translator

"It appears to be similar" she said "I think I can translate for you"

"Dieu merci(thank God)" I said

"Ah hate to say I told y'all so" Said a miniturized Applejack from her sisters back "but I told ya so"

"Wow, un poney de poche (Wow, a pocket-sized pony)" I said then I turned my attention to Fluttershy "Attendez, qu'est-ce qui ne va pas avec Fluttershy?"

"Now that you mention it Captain, there doesn't appear to be a thing wrong with her" Rarity said

"Fluttershy, are you OK?" asked Twilight
Fluttershy nodded no
"Is something wrong?"
Fluttershy nodded yes
"Would you care to tell us?" asked Twilight irritated
no again
"So you're not going to tell us?"
yes

"Good gravy girl!" exclaimed Applejack in her new high-pitched voice "tell us what's wrong with ya!"

"I don't want to talk about it" Fluttershy said in a deep barritone voice. Spike and I lost it laughing at this ridiculousness.

"Je suis désolé Fluttershy (I'm sorry Fluttershy)" I said "Mais c'est vraiment drôle(But that's really funny)"

"Captain, be sensitive" Rarity said

"This is hilarious" Spike said in between boughts of laughter "Look at you. We got: Harity, Rainbow Crash, Spitty Pie, Flutterguy, Apple Teeny..."

"Attention dragon(Careful dragon)" I said threateningly when he got to me, causing him to skip me. Twilight stopped him.

"This is no joke, Spike" she said refocusing him "now start looking for more books so I can find a cure."

"I bet we'll find a cure to this curse at Zecora's place" Rainbow said

"It's not a curse" Twilight said.

"I agree with Dash" said Applejack "We'll go to Zecora's and force her to remove this hex"

"It's not a hex either" Twilight

We all spent a few minutes arguing about what to do when I noticed something.

"Où est Applejack? (Where's Applejack?)" I asked

"What?" asked Twilight

"He said 'where's Applejack'" Rarity translated

"Hey" Twilight said "Where IS Applejack?" All the ponies began frantically searching for the microsized farm-pony, even searching Rarity's hair, much to her chagrin.

"Apple Bloom is gone as well" Guardian announced

"They must have gone after Zecora" Dash said as she bounced off a wall. I drew my rifle and released the safety.

"Well then, we better go get them" said Twilight as she walked to the door. Spike had opted to stay behind.

"Captain, I will remain here and assist Spike" said Guardian. I nodded to the drone

"Wait" said Spike "I have an assistant?"

"Do not push it" said Guardian as we all exited the library and made our way to the Everfree.

We were making our way through the forest which dodging the erratically flying Rainbow Dash the whole time.

"Allez-vous arrêter de faire ça!" I exclaimed as Dash rammed into me for the 78th time

"He said 'stop doing that'" Rarity translated

"I can't help it, WOOOOOOAAAAAH...!" Rainbow responded as her crazy wings shot her off into the forest. Again. I stopped the ponies at the edge of a small clearing.

"This place looks nice" said Rarity after Pinkie lifted her hair out of her face "If you like creepy"

"Voyons voir de plus près" I said

"He said 'let's get a closer look'" she flipped around so fast her hair flew up like a dress "Are you crazy!?
I held up my hand and placed my thumb and index finger a few millimeters apart. I moved quietly to the window with the oddball parade behind me, stacking up on the window to look in. We all saw Zecora adding ingredients to a nasty looking concoction in a cauldron in the center of the room. Then we heard her say something in a foreign language.

"Attendez, je crois que je sais ce langage (Wait, I think I know what language)" I said

"You do?" asked Rarity "What's she saying?"

"Je ne peux pas le traduire, mais j'ai certainement entendu parler cette langue avant" I answered

"What'd he say?" asked Twilight

"He said he can't understand what Zecora said, but he does recognize that language" Rarity explained. Pinkie then perked up, slurring something about her song. She pleaded with Fluttershy who sighed heavily and then sang Pinkie's song in her deep voice.

"J'aime mieux cette version( I like that version better)" I said.

"You may be right Pinkie" Twilight said "The masks, the bizarre language, bubbling cauldron... everything does point to Zecora being bad" Twilight paused but then lit up

"Or what if she's just making soup?" Twilight offered in defense. Then Zecora spoke again.

"Mmm! The perfect temperature for ponies, I presume. Now, where is that little Apple Bloom?"

"OK, j'ai compris que( OK, THAT I understood)" I said

"Or maybe, she's making Apple Bloom soup!" Twilight said paniced. We all moved to the door, stacking up like a SWAT team, when Applejack came screaming down from the sky on Rainbow Dash. All this was missing was Ride of the Valkyries.

"I'm coming for ya Apple Bloom" I heard her shout as I kicked the door open for her. Once inside, Rainbow began bouncing around like a pinball, knocking stuff over, spilling the cauldron and nearly taking Zecora out. The rest of us had already entered, ready to rescue Apple Bloom. I raised my rifle.

"What have you done with Apple Bloom!" Twilight demanded.

"Ponies! What is this you..." she paused to dodge Rainbow Dash "No! You know not what you do! You've gone and spilled my precious brew!"

"We're onto you Zecora" Twilight said "I didn't want to believe that you cursed us, but the evidience is overwhelming!"

"You made me look ridiculous!" Rarity said

"Vous saboté mon équipement (You sabataged my equipment)" I said. Pinkie said something undecipherable

"You made me sound ridiculous" Fluttershy added

"You ruined my horn" Twilight said accusingly

"How dare you!" the zebra said stamping the ground "You destroy my home, destroy my work. Then rudely accuse me of being a jerk?"

"YOU put this curse on us" Dash said after crashing again "Now you're going to UN-curse us"

"It is unwise to venture down this road. Your actions will make my anger explode!" Zecora responded. I stepped forward

"Est-ce une menace? (Is that a threat?)" I said forgetting only Rarity can understand me.

"Where. Is. Apple Bloom" Twilight demanded in a voice that even scared me. As if on cue, Apple Bloom entered the fray.

"Zecora! Ah think Ah found all the things ya asked for" she said cheerilly but quickly realizing the gravity of the situation "What in Ponyville's goin' on here?"
Applejack, who had been trying to wrestle with Zecora's ear stopped.

"Apple Bloom!" she exclaimed in joy "You're ok!"

"'Course I'm ok" she said confused "Why wouldn't Ah be?"
Twilight took a defensive position between Zecora and Apple Bloom.

"Because Zecora is an evil enchantress who cursed us and was gonna cook you up into soup!" she said seriously
Zecora and Apple Bloom began laughing. I looked to Rarity.

"Ai-je raté quelque chose?(Did I miss something?)" I said

"I'm not entirely sure what's going on either Captain" Rarity answered

"Oh Twilight, did those silly fillies finally get to you?" Apple Bloom said still giggling "You know there's no such thing as a curse"

"Apple Bloom, sweetie. You can't just stand there and tell me this isn't a curse" Twilight replied

"This isn't a curse" the filly said

"Apparemment, elle peut (Apparently, she can)" I whispered to Rarity who giggled a little

"If you remember back, the words I spoke were quite exact" Zecora said. We all took a moment to reflect on what she had said before.

"It was a warnin'" Apple Bloom said "about that blue plant. It's called Poison Joke"

"That plant is much like poison oak, but its results are like a joke" the zebra commented

"What in the hay does that mean?" Applejack asked

"It means this plant does not breed wrath. Instead this plant just wants a laugh" Zecora said I think trying to explain

"Oh for the...will somepony talk normal, please?" pleaded Applejack
Twilight perked up, she figured it out.

"I think what she's saying is that when we ran in to save Apple Bloom, we ran into the poison joke" the unicorn explained "All our problems are just little jokes that played on us"

"LITTLE JOKES?!" Applejack said insulted "Very funny"

"Je ne trouve pas cela très drôle" I said

"I agree Captain" Rarity huffed "I don't find this humorous in the slightest"

"OK, fine" Rainbow Dash said still suspicious "But what about the cauldron?"
"And the chanting?" asked Fluttershy
"And the creepy decor?" Rarity asked

"Treasures of the native land where I am from" Zecora explained as she gestured toward two masks "This one speaks 'hello', and this 'welcome'"

"Not welcoming at all if you ask me" Rarity said

"The words I chanted were from olden times" Zecora continued "Something you call a nursery rhyme"

"Je savais que j'avais entendu ça quelque part (I knew I'd heard that somewhere)" I said

"But the cauldron..." Twilight asked confused "the Apple Bloom soup?"

Apple Bloom explained that Zecora wasn't making soup, but a cure for the Poison Joke.

"But I tried to find a cure in all my books and couldn't" Twilight said "What book has this natural remedy"
Zecora walked over to a podium and gestured a hoof toward the book on in.
"Here is the book you see. Sad that you lack it in your library"
Twilight looked at the cover of the book

"Actually, I do have this book, but I didn't look inside because the title was so..." Twilight paused looking for the right word "Weird. Supernaturals: Natural remedies and cure-alls that are simply super. I...I... I'm so sorry Zecora. I had the answer the whole time, if only I had bothered to look inside"

Zecora chuckled "Maybe next time you will take a second look, and not judge the cover of the book"
We all apologized for what we'd done.
"Zecora?" Twilight asked "Would you be kind enough to mix up anothher batch of the herbal bath?"

Zecora nodded "Mix it up I certainly will, yet I am missing an herb from Ponyville"

"But whenever Zecora comes to town, all the shops are 'mysteriously' closed" Apple Bloom added

"Je pense que nous pouvons aider à ce que" I said confidently

"He said we can help with that" Rarity translated

The eight of us quickly made our way back to Ponyville, ready to get what Zecora needed and end this ridiculous. As soon as we entered the town, all the ponies began frantically looking for places to hide. I even heard some talking about us and the 'curse' we had. We all gathered at the door to one shop.

"Daisy, we need to talk" Twilight said to the pony on the other side of the door

"No" she answered "We don't want to be cursed too"
I checked the door with X-Ray and found no ponies behind it.

"Permettez-moi obtenir ce" I said as I moved infront of the door

"He said 'let me get that'" Rarity said. I took my position and in one motion, I had kicked open the door. I stepped to the side and motioned for Twilight to enter.

"Was that really necessary?" asked Twilight

"Probablement pas, mais c'était amusant" I responded

"He said 'probably not, but it was fun'" Rarity translated while face-hoofing.

A few hours later, we all met at the spa for the herbal bath. The others were in the bath having fun but I was standing off to the side out of the pool.

"C'mon Captain, hop in" Rainbow said when she noticed
I nodded no. Instead, I took a cup of the bath water, opened the coolant vent in my arm, and dumped the water in.

"What's he doin'?" asked Apple Bloom who had been helping Zecora. I raised my hand, trying to say 'wait for it', and activated my coolant purge. In a second, my systems began quickly cycling the mixture through my mechanical body, spreading it to every circuit and system. Once the cycle was done I reset my C.A.S.I.E. mod and voice modulator, returning my voice to normal.

"That should do it" I said relieved that I was back to normal

"What was that?" asked Twilight

"Oh, I just ran the bath through my systems from the inside" I explained "See, the scientists who constructed me overlooked one simple detail: they never made me waterproof. If I got in that bath, I'd probably electrocute the six of you... wait, where's Pinkie?"
I soon got my answer. With a howl of joy, Pinkie landed in the bath splashing water everywhere. The first thing I heard after that was Twilight

"Captain, are you OK?" she asked genuinly concerned
I shook some of the water out of my joints.
"Yeah" I said "My systems can handle a little water like rain or splashes, I just can't be submerged"

"Captain" Guardian said over my radio
I reached for my communicator
"Go ahead G"
"I require your assistance back at the library before I am forced to subdue Mr. Spike" he said

"Seriously?" I said with a groan. I turned back to my friends.

"Sorry about this but I gotta go, Guardian needs my help"

"Ok Captain, just let us know if you need help" Rarity said as I made my way to the door
We said our goodbyes and I left to help my hotheaded assistant.

Author's Note

Wow that was a long one. I used Google Translator to write this one, so yes I'm sure half of the translations are completely wrong. Oh, and my first attempt at Pinkie Pie fourth wall breaking. I am really bad at endings.

Am I Alive?

"Look G, we've been over this..." I said to the depressed droid

"But I have never found a satisfactory answer, and it is highly irritating" he
"Look, I know that any A.I., especially one as advanced as you, goes through this stage; but G, you've gotta let it go"
Guardian just shook his head in anguish
"Sir, this is not simply a problem that will go away with time; it is an issue that I personally need to solve"

"I'll say it again: you technically are not alive, but to me you are just as alive as any human"

"That does not help"

"How doesn't that help?" I asked "You asked 'Am I alive?' and I said..."

"It simply does not answer my question" he said as his frustration worsened

"What's wrong with Guardy?" Pinkie asked
Now normally I would have been surprised that a pony had just randomly appeared, but at this point, I gave up trying to understand how Pinkie had managed to circumvent every security measure I had.

"He's having the computer equivalent of a mid-life crisis" I replied "He's trying to figure out if he is considered alive"

"Oh that's easy" Pinkie said with a giggle "Of course he is"

"How can you say I am alive if I do not even have a body?" Guardian countered. I should mention that he wasn't using one of his drone frames, in favor of using a hologram.

"Because I can't be friends with something that's not alive, silly"
Guardian was caught completely off-guard by this.
"You consider me a friend?" Guardian asked the pink pony

"Of course" Pinkie replied with a bounce "I mean, how could we NOT be friends especially after what happened with Nightmare Moon when I was all like 'AHHHH' falling off that cliff and you were all like 'I got it' and you saved me, and it was awesome. And how could anypony forget what happened with Gilda?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Time out" I said making a 'T' with my hands "what's a Gilda?"

"I thought I told you about that" The A.I. said "Gilda is a griffon and former friend of Ms. Dash, when she attended something called the 'Junior Speedsters Flight Camp'"

"Yeah, and she turned out to be a big mean meanie pants" Pinkie added

"So what happened?"

"While you were working on your Titan's chaingun systems, I was out exploring Ponyville" Guardian said "when I came across the Griffon wandering the streets of the town"

"Then that mean old Gilda started making fun of him" Pinkie added with a scowl

"Correct. I was merely attempting to be polite when she proceeded to insult my metallic frame and procedural speech"

"She called him 'metal head' and all kinds of mean names"

"Where is she?" I asked angry "No one makes fun of my friend"

"Calm down Captain, I am getting to that"
I looked at Pinkie who was sitting next to me, eating popcorn she produced from nowhere

"OK, so what happened next?"

"Well, the next thing I knew, Ms. Pie was inviting me to a party for Gilda" He continued "Saying it would change her mood 'Pinkie Pie Style'"

"I assume Gilda had been messing with more than just you, G"

"Correct. She had been harassing multiple other townsponies and even Ms. Shy"

"She yelled at poor Fluttershy so loud she ran off crying" Pinkie Pie added

"So what did you do?"

"I agreed to attend the party, mostly to ensure nothing dangerous would occur"

"And it was going so well, until Gilda set off all the pranks Rainbow Dash had set up"

"The griffon became enraged, blaming Ms. Pie..."

"C'mon Guardy, we're friends. You can just call me Pinkie"

"My apologies. She blamed Pinkie for them, saying it was an attempt to make her appear 'uncool'"

"Then she tried to claw me with her big mean Griffon claws, but Guardy swooped in and saved me"

"You make it sound as if I am a human superhero" the A.I. said "I merely intervened and stopped Ms. Gilda from harming you"

"That's not what I saw. As soon as she made her move you went all ninja pony and appeared out of nowhere all like 'HYAH!'" she said punctuated with a generic martial arts stance

"Wait, wait, wait" I said as I tried to comprehend what I was hearing "You got in a fight?"

"Unfortunately, yes" he admitted. Guardian was my opposite when it came to combat. He preferred diplomacy and rational conversation while I excelled at the blood-and-guts side, so finding out he had been in a fight was interesting.

"Why?" I asked

"I did not want Pinkie to get hurt"

"Why didn't you just call me?" I said "that's what you're suppose to do"

"I...I do not know why I failed to contact you" Guardian replied "I just did not think of it. I was too busy ensuring Pinkie did not come to harm"

"Awww"

"Think of it as my way of repaying you for your kindness...Pinkie" the hologram said

"So wait: you, a machine, acted on your own based on emotion?" I asked

"I do not know" he said "Is acting in someone else's defense really emotional or just my programming as a Defense Intelligence?"

"I believe it is. You attached value to the way she treated you; enough value that it caused you to act against your programming"

"I do not understand"

"I see what you mean, Arcie" Pinkie interjected "He is suppose to call you if something goes wrong and let you fight, but instead he let feelings take over and protected his friend, me, himself"

"Right, he acted of his own free will: that's what being alive is all about, the ability to act on your own, without needing permission or instruction"

"So, if I understand correctly, I am alive because I can attach value to other individuals and then act based on that, not preprogrammed routines?"

"Precisely" I said "you can choose exactly how you want to act, so you are alive"
For not the third time that day, Guardian was speechless. He had answered his own question that had plagued him for years: he was indeed alive.

"I...I do not know what to say. Thank you for helping me"

"Don't thank me, G" I said as I stood up and approached the blue projection "If it weren't for Pinkie, we'd still be arguing"

Waving a hoof dismissively, Pinkie replied "Anything for a friend. Actually Guardian, I wanted to ask if you could help me with something at Sugercube Corner"

"It would be an honor, Pinkie" he said, his voice full of newfound confidence "Just give me a minute to download into a frame"

"See you when you get back, G" I said as I left for my workshop

My little A.I.'s growing up

Author's Note

I'll be honest, I got the idea for this chapter from an amazing story known as Minuette's Lesson, so a shout out to Airstream, the writer of that awesome story (I really hope I don't get in trouble for doing this).

I am really bad at writing for Pinkie Pie. Also, I have no idea what Pinkie Pie's nickname for Archangel should be

To Aid a Timberwolf

THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK
"Dammit" I exclaimed after my most recent attempt "I'm a big targeting computer; why can't I ever hit the target?"

"Captain, remember that your systems were not intended to incorporate thrown weapons" Guardian reminded me as I approached the tree I was using as a target. I had decided that I wanted to make the removable gears on my hands and shoulders into shuriken-like weapons, but I was failing spectacularly at it so far.

"Yeah, I know" I groaned as I wrenched the five pointed gears from the tree trunk "But these make excellent back-up weapons" I returned to my throwing position.

"Why do I need to do this in the Everfree again?" I asked my assistant as I threw one gear, missing the mark by about six inches.
"Because the mayor of Ponyville has forbidden you from testing weapons in the town after the incident with your rocket-propelled chainsaw" the drone said.

"Oh come on" I said as I threw another gear missing again "it's not like it hit anyone"

"Captain, it nearly sawed a house in half" Guardian shot back

"Yeah but..." I started to argue but then stopped. I realized my argument would be invalid "Never mind"
I threw the last two gears I had and finally hit the middle of the tree.

"YES, got it" I exclaimed joyously

"Congratulations Captain" Guardian's helicopter said "it only took you a few dozen tries"
I glared at the Voyeur-class drone.

"Shut up" I snapped back as I retrieved my gears "I don't see you doing any better"
That's when I heard an odd noise.

"G, did you hear that?" I asked as I replaced the gears into their housings
The drone perked up.
"Yes, I believe I did hear a weak whimpering sound"

"Let's check it out" I said as I began walking to the source of the sound. As the two of us traversed the Everfree, we kept hearing the whimpering sound. I was almost certain that it was coming from a wounded animal.

"Captain, I have located the source" Guardian reported, prompting me to join the floating canister

"That's a Timberwolf" I said as I approached the canine form "he definitely looks hurt"
The wooden wolf was laying on its side in a small clearing, damage evident on its side. It had large claw marks in its side and appeared to be missing part of its front right leg. As I approached the dog, I could see it was scared, but I could also see a particular energy in its eyes, something I couldn't quite describe.

"It's ok" I said softly trying to calm the wolf "I'm not going to hurt you"

"Orders sir?" Guardian asked

"Go get Fluttershy, she'll know what to do"

"Yes sir" the obedient chopper answered as he flew off toward Fluttershy's cottage. I returned my attention to the Timberwolf.

"Don't worry, it's gonna be ok" I said calmly as I knelt down next to its head.
It whimpered in response and tried to nuzzle my leg. As I looked over the wolf, I began to notice some traits that differed from the Timberwolves I had seen before. He appeared to be somewhat smaller and lacked the knotholes and large twigs that most of them had. His eyes were the same color but instead of the entire eyehole glowing green, only a small pupil-like spot existed, and it was locked on me. His teeth and claws were also shorter and more finely shaped.

"Captain, I have located Ms. Shy and are en route to your position" Guardian reported via radio

"Acknowledged" I replied returning my attention to the Timberwolf "Don't worry little buddy, help's on the way"
He whimpered again. I tried to pet the dog's side but he pulled away, apparently they had feeling in their solid wood bodies.
"Sorry" I apologized instead moving to pet his head, which it liked. I then heard a rustling behind me. Shifting my weight, I turned around, drew a shuri-gear and readied to defend.

"We got here as fast as we...eep" Fluttershy began to say but immediately squealed and jumped behind a tree when she saw me.

"Sorry Fluttershy" I said as I replaced the weapon. She slowly crept out from behind the tree.

"Ms. Shy" Guardian said trying to calm the Pegasus "This is the Timberwolf that I informed you of"
Fluttershy walked up next to me and began talking to the wounded wolf
"Oh, you poor thing" she cooed softly "don't you worry; we're gonna get you all fixed up"

"Normally, I would have brought him to you but I didn't want to move him and risk further damage" I said

"You didn't do this" Fluttershy asked pointedly with a piercing gaze "Did you?"

"What? No!" I replied defensively. She never really looked at me the same way since I helped her stop those weird creatures that were hurting her animals. She returned her gaze back to the wolf.

"He looks stable enough to move" Fluttershy said "Let's get him back to my cottage"

"Roger that" I said as I moved to the wolf's side "Don't worry little buddy; Fluttershy's the best medic I know"
I carefully slid my arms under the wolf's front shoulders and rear flanks, trying not to disrupt him too much. I lifted him up as I stood and turned. We all walked in silence, reaching Fluttershy's house quickly.

"Lay him on the couch" Fluttershy ordered as we entered her cozy little home "I'll take a better look at him"
I did as I was told, retreating as the medic pony began her diagnosis.

"Ok first I'm going to need to fix his leg, but I need some wood pieces shaped like his leg.

I tossed my axe into the air and caught it
"On it, Doc" I said as I opened the door "Guardian, help Fluttershy. Do whatever she tells you to do"

The drone bobbed in the air as though nodding
"I am at your command, Ms. Shy" Guardian said

I made my way to the edge of the Everfree, which wasn't far. I radioed my assistant.

"Guardian, I need a scan of the wolf's leg"

"Transmitting now" he replied, instantly flooding my optic with digital blueprints of the Timberwolf's leg. I began chopping apart branches and small trees, trying to find parts roughly the size I needed. A few minutes later, I had all the parts I needed, now I just needed to refine their shape. I returned to Fluttershy's house with my stack of wood. One at a time, I began whittling the logs and sticks down with my axe blade. As efficiently as I could, I shaped the upper leg, followed by the lower leg and paw, and finally the claws. Satisfied, I took the parts into the cottage along with some of the scraps, thinking that was what the Timberwolf might eat.

"Ok Fluttershy, I think I've got the parts" I said as I entered noticing Guardian was gone "Where's G?"

"I sent him to get Twilight" Fluttershy said "We need her to attach the parts"
I set the parts on the floor and walked over to the wolf.

"How's it goin' buddy?" I asked petting his head "I brought ya something"
I held the wood scrap near the canine's nose. He took a few tentative sniffs before cautiously taking the shard in his jaws and eating it. Smiling, I continued petting the wounded creature. I felt a certain kinship with the little wolf: he was hurt bad, left for dead and now was being fixed up with different parts. I also noticed Fluttershy was staring at me.

"What?" I asked

"I'm so sorry" she quickly said hiding her eyes behind her mane "I've just never seen you like this"

"Like what?" I asked scratching the wolf under the chin

"Well...you never seemed like the kind to take...pity" she said softly, scared how I would react. I looked back at the wolf.

"Yeah" I said "I never was. But, I've learned a few things from some good friends of mine"
Fluttershy cocked her head sideways.
"Who would that be?" she asked

"Well, you of course" I said "Who else but the Element of Kindness could turn a soldier into a softy?"

"Oh, it's not all that" she replied modestly "I just do what I can"

"We're here Fluttershy" Twilight said as she and Guardian entered the house.

"Oh good. Twilight, I need you to use your magic to rebuild the Timberwolf's leg" Fluttershy said as she pointed a hoof at the pile of wood and the wolf.

"OK" Twilight said as she took her stance "here goes" Twilight's horn began glowing its normal purple as she took hold of the wooden parts I made and levitated them over to the wolf. Then, Twilight forced more power into her horn causing the parts to fuse together and connect to the wolf. In a bright flash, the leg was made and reattached.

"That should do it" Twilight said as I walked over to the wolf. He recovered from his surgery quickly, rolling over onto his belly and standing up. He hopped down off the couch and looked around the room, shaking his head and testing his new leg. I crouched down to get a better look.

"He looks good as new" I said "nice work team" When the wolf heard me talk, he walked over and sat down in front of me, catching me off-guard

"Awwww" Fluttershy cooed "I think he likes you"
The Timberwolf moved a little closer and nuzzled my arm.

"Huh, I guess he does like me a little" I said

"Maybe you should keep him" Twilight suggested "He could make a great pet for you"

"You're kidding, right?" I asked "He's a Timberwolf, are you even allowed to have a wolf as a pet?"

"I do not see why not, Captain" Guardian said "after all, Ms. Applejack has her collie Winona and Ms. Pie owns a crocodile"

"Silly robot, Gummy's an alligator" Pinkie said

"WHAT THE...!" I exclaimed reactively "When did you...you know what, never mind"

"Aaaawww, is this Arcies new pet?" Pinkie asked, the Timberwolf growling defensively

"Easy buddy, she's a friend" I said calming the beast "So you really think I should keep him?"

"He does seem to like you" Fluttershy said "And the poor thing is too tame to survive in the wild"
I looked over to the wolf, who in turn, looked at me as though asking 'can I?'

"You know what, why not" I said "But you need a name"

"Ooo ooo, how about 'Barky'?" Pinkie offered

"No, it has to be something awesome" I said "Right bud?" The dog nodded.

"How about..." Twilight put a hoof to her chin in thought "Bonsai?"
I looked to the wolf, he nodded no.

"Aspen, how about Aspen buddy?" I offered. The wolf's eyes lit up and he nodded yes.

"He likes that name" Fluttershy said "And I think he'll be a great friend"

"Well then I guess the only thing left to do is learn how to take care of a Timberwolf" I said
I spent the rest of the day learning everything about Timberwolves: from food (wood) and grooming (sanding) to training and medical care.

"Thanks Fluttershy" I said as Aspen and I left her cottage "I'll let you know if I have any other questions"

"My pleasure Captain" Fluttershy answered back

"Come on boy" I said addressing my new pet "Let's get you to your new home"

"Arf" answered Aspen, which I took to mean 'Yay, new home'
We made our way back to Firestorm drawing more than a few concerned glances from the townsponies. I glanced at Guardian.

"Just when I thought we couldn't draw any more attention" I said but we had no problems.

"Firestorm, I've got a new friend for you to meet" I called out to my pilot. The feminine mech walked around the corner.

"Is that...?" She asked open-endedly

"Firestorm, meet Aspen; Aspen, this is Firestorm" I said in introduction. The dog growled defensively.

"Easy boy, she's a friend" I said calming the dog, then turning back to the mech smiling "This is gonna be great"
Firestorm folded her arms across her chest and shook her head.
"What?" I asked

"I've never seen you like this sir" she answered a smile forming on her face "It's kind of cute"

"Oh you're just jealous, right Aspen?" I asked the wolf

"Arf arf" Aspen answered, which I guessed meant 'Yeah'

"Whatever" she replied "But I'm not cleaning up after him"

"I know" I said as Guardian rounded the corner, now in his industrial biped body "That's Guardian's job"

"With all due respect sir..." my assistant said "Hell no"

Mining Crusade

"Ok, try it now" I shouted to Guardian

"Powering up" he replied as he threw the main power switch. A faint hum came from the main battery cell as the power flowed from it and into the conduits. This was the main power storage system that I had just spent almost a week straight working to get back to full power. Up till now, Firestorm had been running on its back-up generator, but if I could get the energy conduits repaired then the base would be operating at peak efficiency.

"Seems ok so far" I reported. This was immediately followed by a series of loud pops. I turned back to the conduit I had been working on to find its contents leaking onto the floor. I followed the conduit back to the cell and found every section was leaking and damaged.

"Captain, I am detecting a massive power failure" my assistant reported as he disabled the battery.

"I really did think all it needed was some duct tape"

"And I told you that that would never work"

"Well damn" I said in defeat "looks like I need to find more conduit fluid"

"Actually Sir, I have detected a large concentration of Cupro-Ferric Alloy in a cave system a few miles from here"

"Really?"

"Affirmative, and to top it off, I have never seen this much ore in one place"

"Sweet" I replied "I'll get the RAATT ready and head there"
I left the power room and made my way to the back of the base where the vehicle launch bay was. I hadn't done much work on some of the vehicles here, but one was completely functional: the Rapid Armored All-Terrain Transport, or RAATT for short. This six-wheeled monster is part Stryker, part M3 Bradley, and all amazing. It has a carrying capacity of four troopers, mounted a double barreled 20mm reciprocating cannon in a ball turret at the back and was capable of speeds of up to seventy miles an hour.

"Tau, Phi, Mu" I shouted, trying to get the three robots attention

I heard some metallic clicking, as well as some air moving and a wheel rolling. then I saw three half-sized robots stop in front of me.

"Ok guys, I need the three of you to get the RAATT loaded for a mining trip"
Tau's red eye lit up and he made a whistling sound. Each of the three 'Brothers' as I called them collectively was radically different in design. The de facto leader of the trio was Tau, a robot with a spherical body with a single red eye on a stalk. On the bottom of the sphere was a small thruster providing his locomotion and four radially mounted arms allowed him amazing dexterity He also spoke mostly through computerized beeps and whistles that only his compatriots could decipher, making him the most difficult to understand.

Phi looked up at Tau.
"Nononononononono, [gibberish]" he said. Phi was the most flexible of the three given his modularity and wide conic shape. He was composed of a metal cone that had a myriad of ports for attaching arms and tools( Currently he had eight normal grabber claw arms. He tended to speak in a very rapid gibberish with the occasional discernible word.

A tap on Tau's back drew his attention to the last member of the group. Mu was the most sensible of the group but tended to have assertiveness issues. The monowheel drone is also the most imposing with broad square shoulders, long segmented arms capped with claw machine grabbers and a screen on his front that acted as his face and method of communication: pictures. Of the three, I found him easiest to interpret.
He waved his arms in front of him saying 'no' and then displayed a picture of a pickaxe. Apparently Tau didn't agree as he responded by punching Mu in the shoulder. Quickly, this little meeting dissolved into a symphony of beeping, metallic clanking and frantic gibberish as the trio squabbled like little kids.

"Hey!" I said as I snapped my fingers "Knock it off"
They quickly disengaged and lined back up, each mumbling their own version of an apology.

"Thank you, now: Mu is right, I need Det-packs and coring charges loaded on the RAATT, along with a hole bore and a cart"
The drones expressed understanding.
"Get to it" I ordered causing the robots to all scamper off to gather the supplies I requested.
I guess this is what having children is like

"Hi Captain!"

"AHHHHH" I screamed as I jumped about six feet in the air. After landing I whipped around to try and find what had startled me.

"How do you ponies keep DOING that?!" I half asked, half shouted as my heart rate equalized
In front of me were three familiar little fillies: Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom
"Sorry Captain" Scootaloo said stifling her laughter

"We didn't mean ta scare ya"
I took a deep breath
"You didn't scare me, you startled me" I said trying to save my dignity "there's a difference"

"That's not what it looked like to me" Scootaloo said with an amused grin

"Is there something I can do for you three"

"Well, we saw that really big door open" Sweetie Belle began as she pointed a hoof at the door

"And we were wonderin' what'cha were doin'" Apple Bloom continued

"Oh, I'm just getting ready to go mining"

"Really? Can we come?" Scootaloo asked intently fluttering her tiny wings.

"What?"

"We wanna help" Apple Bloom said

"Why?" I asked. No one ever asked to help before, especially when they didn't know what it was.

"So we can get our Cutie Marks" she answered.

"What makes you think I can get you a Cutie Mark?"

"Because we've tried everything else..." Apple Bloom said

"And you're the most awesome pony we know" Scootaloo said still excited

"Wait, I thought Rainbow Dash was the most awesome pony you knew?" I asked

"Well...she is, b-but you're a different kind of awesome"
I just chuckled a little
"So you three really think I can help?"

"It's the only thing we haven't tried" Apple Bloom said while the other two nodded in agreement

"Look girls, I'd really like to help but I can't possibly bring you along" I said "It's way too dangerous"

"Awwww" All three groaned

"I'm sorry but that's just how it is"

"Pleeeeeeeeease Captain" they all said in unison, accompanied by three sets of huge puppy eyes.

It was the most adorable sight I'd ever seen. I tried everything I could to resist the cuteness, but my systems just couldn't handle it.

"Sigh...OK fine, you can come" I said causing the ponies to jump around with joy
"But on one condition" I continued getting the fillies attention again "And that is that you get permission"

"We're gonna get our Cutie Marks fer sure this time!" Apple Bloom declared

"Ok then, if you get permission, meet here tomorrow after breakfast" I said "And make sure you bring whatever you need with you"
And then the three darted off to talk to there respective guardians. I just laughed and shook my head.

"D'awwwww" A three voices behind me cooed. I turned around to see the Brothers all looking at the fillies, immobilized by the cuteness. I snapped my fingers again and jerked my head towards the RAATT, signaling them to knock it off.

"Don't you three have something to be doing?"

The next day
I reached the armory and picked my gear. Since I was going to be in a confined space with ponies, I needed something compact and suppressible, but still with enough punch to stop something big.
"Honey Badger" I said to myself as I picked up the rifle and strapped it to my back. I also grabbed the three special drones I'd whipped up last night. A Kevlar vest and an arm upgrade finished off my preparations.

"Captain, those adorable little ponies are back" Firestorm reported. She had a soft spot for those three and they seemed to like her as well.

"On my way" I said as I grabbed some mags and left for the vehicle bay. Once I arrived I found the three fillies waiting semi patiently.

"Good morning" I said as I walked in "You three ready to go?"

"You bet" Scootaloo answered

"Wait, don't you guys have, like, backpacks or something?" I asked. I know I'd seen ponies wearing packs slung over their backs before.

"Uh, well we did, but some floating metal octopus thing took our saddlebags when we got here" Sweetie Belle said

"Oh" I replied then I shouted for Tau, who hovered over shortly after.

"You mean him, right?" I asked the girls who all nodded yes
"Tau, where did you put their bags?" I asked
He responded by pointing one arm at the RAATT and making a series of chirping sounds.
"So that's where they are?"
He bobbed up and down, as though nodding
"Don't worry, he just loaded them on the vehicle"

"Vehicle?" Sweetie Belle asked

"Did you think we were walking there?" I replied as I walked toward the transport with the ponies in pursuit. As soon as we got close, Applebloom spoke up.

"Wow, Ah've never seen a carriage like that before"

"Yeah, but where do the ponies hook to it?" Scootaloo asked

"And where are we going to find ponies strong enough to pull it?" Sweetie Belle added

"All will be revealed shortly" I answered cryptically
We stopped along the right side of the transport and it lowered itself to ground level.
"Yes, it's suppose to do that" I said pre-empting the question. I then opened the hatch on the side and folded the stairs down, ushering the ponies in. I followed and closed up the entrance, then sat down at the controls.

"How are you gonna drive this thing if there aren't any windows?" Scootaloo asked. I answered by flipping a few switched and starting the RAATT. In an instant, the vehicle lit up and the covers over the windshield retracted. Then the engine growled to life, prompting the fillies to dart to my side, cowering in fear.

"W-w-what's that sound?" Sweetie Belle asked

"Relax, that's the engine" I said "It's what makes this thing go"
The girls relaxed a bit
"How does the engine do that?"
I just sighed and thought, This is going to be a long trip.

Author's Note

Lets just see how much trouble these four can get into, shall we?

Can anyone guess what I based Tau, Phi and Mu on? One point each and five if you get all three.

Mining Crusade 2

'Just a few miles' he said was all I could think while I drove the RAATT to the location of the mineral deposit. Technically, Guardian was right, but he failed to mention the massive mountain between the base and the mine. And now I was stuck with a flurry of questions from the curious little fillies: ranging from what we were mining to 'what does this button do?'.

"Please don't press that" I said for the umpteenth time

"Oh, sorry" Apple Bloom said

""I have another question, Captain" Scootaloo said happily
Oh joy
"Yes Scootaloo"

"How did you get your Cutie Mark?" Why would she ask that? I don't have one.

"What Cutie Mark?" I replied

"That one" she said as she pointed a hoof at my shoulder

"Oh, that" I answered suddenly realizing what she meant "I don't think that's a Cutie Mark, humans don't get them"

"Then what is it?" Sweetie Belle asked

"Honestly, I have no idea. It appeared after I got the Element of Courage, along with the rest of the gears on my arms"

"So you got it when you used your special talent?"

"No, I got it when I did what comes naturally" I said, seeing where this argument was heading

"So it is a Cutie Mark" Scootaloo declared
I thought about that for a few seconds. According to the entries Twilight had added to my ship's data core, a Cutie Mark would only appear once a pony had discovered a unique talent or characteristic that set them apart from everyone else. It would also explain why this symbol appears on all my armor when it covers one of them, being a magical...uh...thing.

"You know, now that I think about it, maybe it is" I said

"So how'd you get it?"

"As Twilight put it, I 'willingly risked life and limb to protect my friends', but you three should just leave that to me"
The GPS lit up, indicating we had arrived. I pulled the RAATT up to the cave entrance and stopped.

"We're here" I announced as I got up and opened the door, letting the restless fillies out.

"Cutie Mark Crusader Miners! YAY!" they cheered as they bolted out. I just smiled and gathered my gear.

"Ok, now there are some rules while we're here" I said "and under no circumstances are any of you to break them"
I listed off the rules I had made, which were pretty much what you could expect from me: stay with me, if it looks dangerous don't touch it, stuff like that.
"And finally: don't repeat anything I say"
The fillies all giggled a little; my soldier's vocabulary was apparently legendary.

I walked to the back of the vehicle to grab the explosives, but as I opened the cargo hold, out tumbled three chunks of metal.

"Oh come on guys" I said as the three robots righted themselves "Really?"
Phi rattled something off in gibberish the only sound I could translate was the word 'help'.
"So you three want to help?" all three said yes (I think) and pointed at the ponies
"(sigh) Well, I can't take you three home, so pick one and stay with them"
Tau floated over next to Scootaloo, while Mu and Phi relocated next to Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, respectively. Each giving their pony partners their saddlebags back.

"Ok, apparently these three wanted to come along too, so they'll be sticking with each of you"

"So we get to adventure with you AND we get robots?" Scootaloo asked as she looked at the hovering robot

"This just keeps gettin' better" Apple Bloom said as she checked out the salt shaker shaped machine next to her

"Awwww, he's so CUTE!" Sweetie Belle squeaked as she greeted Mu, causing the shy machine to blush (Which in his case involves his screen turning pink)

"Ok, now that that's taken care of, shall we proceed?"

"Mining Cutie Mark, here we come!"
And with that we entered the cave. we all stayed in a loose group as we descended deeper into the cave, looking for the red mineral I needed. As it got darker, I realized I had forgotten to bring lights.

"Darn it" I said out loud "I forgot the flashlights"
Then, I saw the robots perk up. A small light emerged from Mu's left shoulder, while Phi produced a small LED bulb from his dome-head. Tau followed suit, rotating his arms around and positioning one tipped with a spotlight.

"Thank you" I said as I switched on my own flashlight on my shoulder

"So what are we looking for again?" Sweetie Belle asked as we continued into the cave.

"A mineral known as Cupro-Ferric Alloy, more commonly known as 'Redstone' because of it's red color" I replied "It's a material that has a lot of bizarre properties"

"What d'ya mean 'bizarre'?" Apple Bloom asked

"It's a little hard to explain, but it just doesn't act like a regular metal" I tried to explain "For example, while most metals exist as a chunk, Redstone forms a fine powder"

"What did you need it for?"

"I use it in special devices, like my power cell" I answered
We walked for almost half an hour, talking about whatever these three could come up with. Eventually we found a small round room off the side of the passage. From the entrance, I could see something moving.

"What's that?" Scootaloo asked. I quickly shushed the little Pegasus, told the robots to turn off their lights and turned back to check it out.

"I don't know, but they are really creepy looking" I replied. It was definitely some kind of animal, but like nothing I've ever seen. It was tall and skinny with four stubby legs. It was colored various shades of green, reminiscent of jungle camouflage. The most striking characteristic was its face: the mouth was twisted into a scowl and red eyes that glowed faintly in the cave. I also noticed that even though they were walking on a stone floor, they weren't making any noise.

"Let's just keep going" I said as we retreated and dove further into the mine. After about an hour, my detector lit up, indicating Redstone was nearby.

"Ok, it should be around here somewhere..." I began to say, until I looked at Sweetie Belle.

"Wow, Sweetie, I didn't know you could use magic yet" I asked

"Um, I can't use magic yet" she said confused "What do you mean?"

"So you aren't making your horn glow?"

"What?" she replied in surprise as she tried to look at her horn "But the only thing I've ever done is a spark or two"
Mu offered a solution. He raised his hand to get our attention, then pointed at the ground under the unicorn. Upon closer inspection, Sweetie Belle had been standing on a large deposit of Redstone.

"Hmmm...very interesting" I said

"Is that the stuff we're looking for?"

"Yes, that is a deposit of Redstone ore" I said as I examined it closer "And it is the biggest I've ever seen"

"OK, so how do we git it outta the ground?"
Phi rolled up and presented one the coring charges, while Tau showed the drill he had installed on one of his arms.

"We're going to use explosives" I said simply "But don't worry, this will be fun"

"Um, is this safe?" Sweetie asked

"If you three do exactly what I say then yes"
We then set to work. Tau used his drill to create a series of holes around the deposit with Mu providing light. Phi, Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle all sat with me as I taught them how to operate the coring charges.

"Ok class" I said "This is a Model 94 Self-Contained Blasting Charge. Each one is capable of blasting out a hole in solid rock a foot in diameter"

"But it's so small" Sweetie said "I've seen fireworks bigger than that"

"Big things come in small packages. Now, to prime a Coring Charge, simply press this button..." I depressed the small red button on top of the small canister causing a ring about an inch below it to start glowing blue "and it will glow blue. Once the charge is primed, it can be deactivated by pushing the button again" I pressed the button and the charge stopped glowing

"Ok, so how long does it take for it to explode?" Scootaloo asked

"Once primed, a Coring charge will only explode when given the command from this..." I produced a C4 detonator "Which I will be using. And that's pretty much it. Now for the demonstration"
I took the charge and reactivated it before throwing it far down the cave.
"Cover your ears" I said. All three immediately clamped their hooves over the sides of their heads. I pulled the trigger, creating a thunderous BANG and a dust cloud.

"Any questions?"

"So it won't do that while we're holdin' 'em, right?" Applebloom asked nervously

"No, these are completely safe" I assured them
Tau and Mu had finished the drilling and were now ready for the charges.

"OK, let's add the explosives and blast the rock out"
Under my supervision, the ponies took the charges from Phi and set about loading the holes with them. They still weren't really convinced that the explosives were safe, so they treated them very gingerly. I was also quite impressed that they managed to use them with no hands. Within minutes, all the holes were filled with charges, ready to blow. After retreating a safe distance, I began the countdown.
"5...4...3...2...1..."
I pulled the trigger and the charges exploded, sounding like a huge Blackcat Firecracker.

"OK let's go see how much of a mess we made"
We approached the crater and I found the Redstone bulb ejected by the blast. Perfect, now I could get it back easier.

"Wow, that's a big egg" Sweetie Belle said as she poked the Redstone bulb.

"It basically is an egg" I said as I inspected the bulb "except there's Redstone dust in here instead of a bird"

"How're we gonna get that thing outta here?"

"Oh, that's the easy part. Redstone is really light" As if on cue, Phi and Tau lifted the egg up and began carrying it toward the mouth of the cave.

"Um, Captain. I think we have a problem" Scootaloo said
I turned around to see what she was taking about and...
"Oh shit!"

Author's Note

I bet you can't guess what Scootaloo found.

A Hard Lesson

"I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING IN MY PATH!!!"

"Stand down Eighty-Six that's an order" I commanded

"I DON'T NEED YOU'RE..."
The A.I. powered down.

"Thank you Guardian" I said

"I do not understand why you continue to run the same tests"

"Because, it's the only part of this mech I can't get working right" I said "But I will get it to work"
I turned back to the controls.
"Let's try the moral-practical reasoning test"

"Bringing the A.I. back online" Guardian said as the A.I.'s lights came back on

"TI-86, can you hear me?" I asked

"What do you want?" the gruff voice replied

"Tell me Eighty-Six, what do you think of our new commander?"

"You mean that girly horse thing?" it asked

"Yes, Princess Celestia"

"I think that thing is a pitiful excuse for a leader" it replied curtly

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Because she has unlimited power, and yet she doesn't have the nerve to make ALL of this worthless world her playground" it said with a sadistic laugh.

"That is because, unlike you, she can draw fulfillment from something other than the roar of a Gatling gun"

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Do you not find any fulfillment at all in protecting those who can not protect themselves?" Guardian asked
The voice sighed
"Of course you would ask that you pitifully servile excuse for an android"

"Just answer the question"

"If it can't defend itself, why should we risk out servos to prolong its worthless existence?"

"If the ponies were all capable of defending themselves adequately, then we would have no use for a sadistic, overly hostile, and obnoxiously overbearing pile of outdated malware such as yourself"
The A.I. couldn't even speak. I just looked back to my assistant, who hadn't even flinched from his butler-like pose. Then the A.I. started laughing.

"Looks like someone's got bigger ball bearings then I thought"

"[Sigh] Guardian reset for cognitive-"

"Why do you keep resetting me?" it asked

"Because we can't figure out why you're so damn hostile"

"Why don't you power this thing all the way up and I can show you"
I heard a knocking at the door.

"Captain? Are you in there?"

I opened the door, and Twilight stepped in.

"Oh, hi Twilight" I said "What can I do for you"
"Princess Celestia just sent this" she said as she levitated a scroll to me

"Ah, that must be about the order for scrap metal I placed" I said as I scanned the letter

"Metal?"

"Yep, a half ton of copper, steel, tin, lead and silver"

"Why would you need that much metal"

"You horses clearly have no idea how much raw material goes into a mechanized army" TI-86 said
Twilight looked around, trying to find the source of the new voice

"Oh sorry, let me introduce you. Twilight this is TI-86" I said as I pointed to the massive mech standing by the back wall. This model of mech, apply named the 'Titan', was specifically designed to be the Cadillac of combat robots. Every part was designed to be huge and indestructible.
"And TI-86, this is Twilight Sparkle"

"A pleasure to meet you Mr. Eighty-Six"

"Oh goody, a unicorn" he scoffed "Do you shit butterflies too?"
Twilight's jaw dropped and she looked at me for an explanation
"I'd be careful 86, that's Celestia's personal student you're talking to" I cautioned "One letter to the Princess and you're scrap metal"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry Ms. Sparkle, I don't know what came over me" he replied in an uncharacteristically civil tone

"Wait, what?" I asked intrigued

"So, does that make you a royal pain-in-the-ass, or just a normal one" he continued followed by laughter

"Guardian..."
I heard TI-86's systems power down

"What in Equestria just happened?" Twilight asked as she recovered from the insults of the A.I.

"Sorry about that. We can't seem to stop him from, for lack of a better term, being an asshole"

"That particular A.I. was suppose to be based on the stereotypical personality of the Marine Corp" Guardian explained
Twilight looked confused.
"Marines are a type of soldier" I clarified "They're believed to act really macho, brash, and blood-thirsty, rely on instinct instead of intelligence, and they are loyal to the bitter end"

"So, Ti-86 is suppose to act kind of like Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked

"Yes but so far he only does the 'blood-thirsty' part"

"Do not forget he also has the abrasive language of a Marine" Guardian interjected

"True" I replied "I'm starting to think I just need to create a new A.I. instead of fix this one"

"I hate to interrupt Captain" Firestorm said from overhead "But the Brothers are fighting again"
I just rolled my eyes and groaned

"I'm on my way Storm" I replied as I turned back to Twilight "Hold that thought, I'll be right back"

A few minutes later
Guardian and I had finally managed to pry the three Brothers apart and stop them from fighting.

"Now, I don't want any of you fighting again, understand?" I said sternly
The three mini-robots all nodded in understanding.
"Good, now, back to work" I commanded
As the trio started to leave, a huge explosion echoed through the base

"ALERT! ALERT! TI-86 IS FREE" Firestorm shouted over the intercom

"Oh shit, Twilights back there" I said as Guardian and I bolted for the Robotics Lab that had contained the mech. I wasn't sure if it was adrenaline or fear for Twilight's safety, but I had never traversed such a distance so quickly. Guardian had fallen back to switch to him more mobile Voyeur drone. I rounded the last corner and saw Twilight looking around in a panic, her eyes bigger than a manhole cover and her chest rising and falling heavily. I ran to her side.

"Captain, I'm sorry I didn't mean..." she began

"Not now" I said "We have a bigger problem"
I opened the blast door and saw the wreak that 86 had left. A huge hole in the wall gave me a good view of the robot, now on a direct course with Ponyville.
"Firestorm: analyze 86's schematic and find a weakness" I commanded the ship's intelligence

"Can't you just order it to stop?" Twilight asked hopefully

"He doesn't listen, that's why I had him separated from his body"

"Captain!" A voice cried. I turned to see a group of familiar ponies outside the base's new window.

"What'n the hay was THAT?" Applejack asked

"That is one of the most powerful war machines ever built" I replied still trying to think up a plan "And it's controlled by an insane rogue A.I."

"Captain, I have found a weakness" Firestorm said happily "the Titan model you are using is not complete: it lacks proper armor plating on the energy regulator on its back"

"And?"

"I believe a single anti-armor missile can crack the chamber and cause the machine to explode"

"Good" I replied

"What can we do?" asked Rainbow

"Ok here's the plan: Dash, Pinkie; I need the two of you to lure that robot back here. Make it mad, but be careful; it's armed and highly dangerous"

"On it" Dash replied as she took off
"Okie dokie lokie" Pinkie said as she bolted after the Pegasus

"Twilight, Rarity; that thing has a missile launcher on its right shoulder that could blow a house apart with one shot. I need the two of you to use your magic to make sure none of it's shots hit anything"

"Right" the unicorns said in unison as they ran off toward Ponyville

"Fluttershy, Applejack; I need you two to make sure that every pony that's between that robot and here is out of it's sight"

"You got it" Applejack replied for the group as they all ran off

"Guardian, keep me posted on where that mech is"

"Understood" He replied as he flew off toward the battle
I ran back into the base and made a bee line for the armory. I burst into the room, my eyes darting around looking for the launchers. Against the far wall was a panel covered in explosion warning. I ran to it and hammered the large orange button, causing the panel to rotate around. On its back was a collection of explosive weapons, including grenade launchers, satchel charges, and the weapon I was looking for: the AT-4 launcher.

"Captain, we are on our way back" Guardian reported

Wow, that was fast
"Roger that, I'm ready here" I replied as I grabbed the tube and ran back outside.
Once outside I saw just what was going on: Dash was flying in front of the Titan, berating him and generally driving him insane. Pinkie was using her uncanny ability to appear and disappear. Rarity and Twilight were following and creating shields to intercept the missile launcher shots. The rest of the ponies were waiting outside the base.

"What now?" Applejack asked

"Once he gets back here I can handle it" I said "You two get inside"
They did what I said

"We got him here" Pinkie informed me when she appeared next to me

"HOLD STILL, YOU FLYING PRIDE PARADE!" I heard TI-86 yell at Dash

"I need him to be facing away from me"

"You got it" she said happily

"Dash! Get Rarity and Twilight out of there" I shouted over the Titan's cacophonous clanking and its guns
She shot down and scooped the unicorns up, flying off behind me as Pinkie poofed up behind the raging robot

"Hi mister robot" Pinkie said happily drawing the mech's attention.

"Now, hold still so I can crush you!" demanded the A.I.
Once he turned around, I could see my target: on the mech's back was a large 'Y' shaped structure that acted as a buffer between the machine's massive power source and its systems to prevent overloads. I raised the rocket launcher and sighted down the tube. I pressed the pair of triggers and the warhead shot out. Almost instantly, the HEAT missile impacted the regulator, cracking one of it's arms.

"Dash! Grab Pinkie!" I yelled, but apparently the Pegasus was already on it, as I saw a spectral trail shoot over my shoulder, around the now critically failing robot, and back behind me with a chunk of cotton candy in its hooves.

Then the machine exploded in a corona of green light, raining twisted metal on the surrounding area.
I tossed the spent launcher on the ground and approached the smoking wreckage with the ponies in following. The mech had been almost completely blow apart, save for one of its arms which was scorched and damaged beyond repair.

"Nice work everypony" Twilight said victoriously

"Yes, nice work" I said dripping with anger "Thanks to you, Twilight, I was forced to destroy one of my most valuable robots; all because you decided to help"

"I didn't mean for..." she began
I whipped around facing the unicorn, rage now running rampant.

"I don't care what you 'meant' to do" I snapped "the fact is: you unleashed a nine ton war machine, that I specifically told you was not safe, on a defenseless town"
She looked like I'd punched her in the head
"I-I-I was just trying to help" she said as she took a step back

"And a lot of good THAT did me Twilight. You're 'help' has cost me a Titan-class combat mech, caused who knows how much damage to Ponyville, blown a hole in my base..."

"But..." she tried to say. She looked like she was on the verge of tears

"And let's not forget that now I have to explain to the mayor, who already doesn't trust me, why one of my robots went on a rampage through Ponyville, Oh, and I'll probably have to explain myself to Princess Celestia, and I'm pretty damn sure she will never believe that her 'most faithful student' is at fault"

"Captain, perhaps you should not be so hard on Ms. Sparkle" Guardian offered.

"No Guardian, I will NOT calm down" I snapped "Because of her, I am in a ridiculous amount of trouble, and I am NOT about to just forgive her"
I turned back to Twilight who had tears in her eyes.

"So thanks for the help Twilight, but I don't need nor do I want any more help from you. Ever"
That's when she ran off, tears streaming down her face, toward her library.

"Wow, harsh" Dash said. the remaining ponies were all stunned by my outburst

"What did you expect me to do Dash?" I asked "I don't know what you ponies think I these machines are for, but they aren't toys: they're weapons, and I would never be able to forgive myself if an innocent was hurt by one"
I turned back toward the base
"Now, unless it's something important, I have A LOT of shit to clean up"

Another Hard Lesson

It had been a little under a week since Twilight had released my Titan on Ponyville, and I had had a busy week of repairs and explanations. The Mayor had visited wanting to know exactly what had happened and how I planned to keep it from happening again. I explained that due to a catastrophic failure on my part, an unstable A.I. had gained access to the robot and procceded to run rampant until I had destroyed it and recovered the chip it resided on. She then asked what happened to the chip and I told her I had personally disassembled it and had its parts vaporized. Oddly enough, she also said that so long as it never (and she stressed the 'never' quite a bit) happens again, and I help repair the damage the Titan had caused, she wouldn't say anything to the Princess. I agreed and spent most of my time patching up bullet and shrapnel holes in the town.

After finishing the repairs, I found myself with a little time left over.
Strange I thought I would have expected this to take at least a month. I guess Rarity and Twilight did a better job then I thought

"Twilight" I said out loud. I hadn't had any time to think about her. Now that I had time to think clearly, I remembered what I had said to her. Now I understood why only robots would put up with me: I could be an ass when I was mad. No...I hadn't been mad at her, I was scared of what could have happened.

"Captain, Spike would like to see you" Firestorm said over the ship systems "And he doesn't look happy

"Ok, NOW I'm dead" I said. I knew why he was here: to yell at me for yelling at Twilight.

I got up from my seat and made my way back to the main chamber, where I saw the dragon waiting.

"Look Spike, before you yell at me, just let me explain" I said

"The only thing I want to know is why you felt the need to yell at Twilight" he said seething

"Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that and..."

"Because of you, Twilight's been locked in her room for almost a week" he said "she won't even talk to me"

"What?"

"Yeah, she hasn't moved since you snapped at her"
I couldn't talk. I had caused this. To my friend of all people.

I had to make this right.

"Let me talk to her" I said "I owe her an apology"

"What makes you think she'll let you in to talk to her?"

"She doesn't have a choice" I said as I walked out, Spike on my tail

We were in front of Twilight's room before I knew it. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Twilight? It's me, Archangel. Can we talk?"

I heard a muffled "Go away" from in the room

"C'mon Twilight, I just want to talk"

"No"

"See?" Spike said

"Twilight, I'm coming in there whether you want me to or not"
The door began glowing with Twilight's magic.

"Aaaaand she blocked the door, how are you getting in now?"

"Spike, I'm Spec Ops, half my job is to get to places I'm not wanted" I said as I walked back down the stairs

I had a plan and as I rounded the outside of the tree, I saw what I was looking for: an open window. I positioned myself under a nearby branch and readied the grappling hook on my right arm. I took aim and fired the spike into the wood with a solid THUNK. The cable then retracted and brought me to the level of the window. As I climbed in the window, I saw Twilight, and it broke my heart. She was curled up in a purple ball on her bed, her head was pointed toward the foot of her bed, and if she had heard me come in, she wasn't showing it.

I sure know how to break someone's spirit I thought as I walked through the well kept room over to the bed.

"Twilight?"
The unicorn flinched and for a second I could see just how much damage I'd caused: she had been crying a lot and judging by how red her eyes were, she hadn't slept right for a while. Her mane and tail were in disarray and the fur under her eyes was discolored from tears.

No backing down now I thought as I sat down on the end of the bed.

"Twilight, I'm not here to yell at you again, I'm here to apologize"
The purple ball twitched a little. I just looked at the floor.
"I don't blame you for not wanting to see me" I said "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that"
She still wasn't saying anything.
"Look Twilight, I wasn't mad at you, I was scared, OK?"

"Scared?" she said weakly

Ok she's talking, we're getting somewhere

"Yes, I was scared, scared what might have happened to you" I said "even now thinking about what that abomination could have done sends shivers down my spine"

"How do you get scared?" she asked softly "you're the Element of Courage"

I looked over to see Twilight was actually looking at me.

"Twilight, courage isn't acting without fear; it's acting in spite of fear"

Twilight suddenly snapped up, her nose inches from mine and a look of anger and sadness in her eyes

"So when your scared, you just yell at anypony nearby?!" she snapped "How does that make sense!"
I just hung my head in guilt.
"It doesn't, and I'm sorry I took that out on you"
She seemed to relax slightly
"Look Twilight, danger is part of my job; from actually fighting Equestria's enemies to building and maintaining my weapons, everything I do is dangerous in some way or another"
The mare relaxed some more, still sitting next to me though
"And I would never be able to forgive myself if I hurt a friend again"
Fuck, shouldn't have said that I thought

"Again?" she said "you never hurt anypony I know of"

"She wasn't a pony" I replied soberly "but you do know of her"
She thought for a minute, then the realization visibly hit her.
"Your partner"

"Ever wonder how she ended up in the Aug Division?" I said, that painful memory flooding back "My fault"

"I'm sure you didn't mean it" she said trying to comfort me

"That doesn't matter. The fact is that she got hurt and it was my fault" I said "I was afraid that you might share the same fate...or worse"

We sat for a minute and let that sink in. This apology seemed to be turning into more of a therapy session for me, then me owning up to what I did, but I think Twilight at least understood why I reacted how I did.

"I think I need to apologize too Captain" Twilight suddenly said, breaking the silence "I never should have messed with your stuff"

"How did you even manage to turn that thing on?" I asked "you wouldn't have been able to access his systems"

"Well, after you and Guardian left, it started talking to me" Twilight began "Apologizing for how it acted, and saying he only acted like that because he was trapped"

"And he was trapped" I said "And now you see why"

"But then he started talking about how much he just wanted to make friends and have fun..."

"Let's skip the sob story part" I said "I think we've had enough of that for the time being"

"Right, well anyway, I offered to help him" she continued "He said that if I could somehow connect the two machines, he could jump to the robot; so, I made a magical bridge between them"

"Wait, you created a wireless link between two machines?" I asked amazed. I didn't know magic could interact with machines like that.

"I guess" she replied "but then he started laughing, like evil laughing, which scared me and I ran out of the room"

"And that's when I found you" I added

"Yes"

"So you really were just trying to help him"

"I really didn't mean to cause so much trouble" the unicorn said "I just thought it would make a good letter to the Princess, and I could help you all at once"

"Letter to the Princess?"

"Celestia wanted me continue my study of the Magic of Friendship" Twilight explained "so I send her weekly reports on what I've learned"

"That's...interesting" I said

"Oh wait!" Twilight said "I haven't written my letter yet"
I stood up from the bed, feeling ten tons lighter

"Then let's go" I said "I want to know what this letter says"
We both walked to the door which Twilight unlocked and made our way back to the library, where Spike was waiting.

"See Spike? I told you I had it covered"

"Twilight! I was so worried about you" Spike cried as he hugged his...I guess she's a mother figure for him

"Spike, I need you to take a letter" Twilight said after they finished their little reunion

"You got it" he replied as he (once again) magically produced paper and a quill from nowhere

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today, I learned a lesson as unique as the one who taught it. Everypony has a different way of showing they care, from giving gifts and compliments to saving lives and protecting other. And even if their way of showing it doesn't make much sense, a true friend will always have your best interests at heart.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle
"Twilight, you're awesome"

Author's Note

I don't have the slightest Idea how I was suppose to format a letter here, so there's that.

And the ending wasn't what I wanted but the lesson's there

Up And Running

After Princess Celestia finished her speech, I felt like a new soldier. My job now had meaning: no more fighting because I'm told to or because I have to. I fight now because I want to keep these ponies safe. They looked at me like I was important, not like I'm an abomination or a weapon like my old 'comrades' use to. I also realized that I had to get my base back online if I was going to be of any use to the Princess. I started walking to the door when I heard a voice.

"Captain, I would like to make a request" said Guardian

"What's up G" I asked

"I would like to remain here"

"Really?" I said "I had no idea you liked parties"

"I mearly wish to observe and learn about the culture and social norms"
I thought about it for a minute and made my decision

"You know what G, go ahead" I told him "you've earned a break"
I threw his drone and it deployed.

"Thank you Captain" he said as he hovered away
Have fun buddy I thought as I walked out the door.
Thanks to Princess Celestia (which I will never get use to) it was about noon and all the ponies were going about their business. As I made my way down the main road in Ponyville, I drew alot of stares from those who saw me. Some looked confused, others curious, I even saw one pony pull a little foal into her house.
Some things never change I thought They'll get use to me
I found my way out of town and saw my base situated up on a hill like a citadel, which is basicly what it was at this point.
I was amazed by just how lucky it is that I started out on the high ground, a perfect place to keep an eye on this little town and keep it safe. I approached the door and entered the access code, causing the door to slide open. I entered my base, mentally preparing myself for the work I would need to do to bring this thing back up to speed. I walked through the entrance hallway and came to the large room where I was awakened. I continued on and passed through two more doors on the opposite side which lead me to a room filled with computer screens and control panels. I walked up to one of the panels and, after a few keystrokes, addressed the base.

"Computer, respond" I said
One of the screens fickered to life and showed a nondiscript female face.

"Security protocols are in affect. Voice key required for further interaction" it said in a computerized female voice

"I have yet to meet a man who can outsmart a bullet" I recited

"Voice key accepted. Welcome back to the Firestorm, Captain" she said

"It's good to be back" I said with a smile
Ah my ship, the MLP Firestorm. Quite proud of it, despite its origin. This ship actually started out as a cargo freighter and then was overhauled by yours trully to be a heavily armed gunship. It looks like a supersized semi-truck with three legs on each side and a gun sponson on each facet. It's ugly as all-get-out but it's home.

"Firestorm, we need to get this ship back online" I said

"Understood Captain" responded Firestorm "I'll begin the reactivation process"

"Good. If you need me, I will be in my quarters" I said as I turned to leave
I made may way back to the main room and activated the lift.

"Sorry Captain" said Firestorm "I'll get the lift for you now"

"Thanks"
With an audible whirr, the lift decended from the ceiling, coming to a halt in front of me. I walked onto it and Firestorm sent it to my quarters above. As the lift came to a halt, I made my way to the sliding door which opened and revealed my room.
Home, sweet home
My room wasn't very big, maybe a little smaller than the main room of the library from the party. Across from the door, my workbench sat littered with spare parts, tools and other stuff. On the wall above it, was my customized Styer AUG assault rifle, my personal sidearm: a classic M1911 Colt pistol (can't beat the classics) , and two empty spots, one for my sheild and one for my axe. Against the left wall is my bed and a small closet; nothing too interesting there. Opposite that is a wall of bins and cabinets filled with parts and tools. I walked up to the closet and changed my armor for a grey T-shirt, blue jeans, and workboots.
Rarity's got nothing on me I thought as I realized just how classy I am. I replaced the axe and shield on thier respective hangers and strapped my pistol holster to my right thigh and holstered my pistol in it securly along with five magazines of .45 caliber ammo. That's when I saw it: the picture. I sat down at my desk and picked up the little framed picture I had there. It was a picture of Sword Dancer and I, arms around each others shoulders, smiling like we hadn't just waged a war. I felt a hot tear fall down my cheek as I remembered her.

"I miss you Sword" I said quietly to myself "I hope we get to see each other again. Just please be safe"
I wiped away the tear and returned the picture to its place.

"Captain, we have a problem" Interrupted Firestorm "something has entered the base"
I drew my pistol and loaded a magazine.

"On it" I said as I chambered a round
I ran to the lift and sent it down to the first floor. I pointed my gun at the door, ready to engage the enemy. As the door opened I switched my thermal vision on and Identified the intruders. In front of me, six ponies where standing confused as to what was going on.

"Oh" I said as I lowered my gun and switched back to normal vision "it's just you"

"Wow" said a new voice "this place is amazing"
I raised my gun again.

"Who was that?" I asked "Show yourself"

"Captain" said Twilight "it's ok, it's just Spike"

"Spike?" I asked as I holstered my pistol and exited the elevator.

"That's me" said the voice

"Where?"

"Down here" it said a little annoyed. I looked down and saw a small purple and green lizard-esque creature with huge green eyes looking at me.

"Oh, sorry" I said as I knelt down and offered a handshake "Nice to meet you, Spike. I'm Captain Archangel"
Spike stared at my hand, confused by the fact that it was made of metal, then shook cautiously.

"Nice to meet you to, Captain"

"Spike is my personal assistant" said Twilight rubbing his head with a hoof playfully "He's like a dragon version of Guardian"

"Speaking of which, where is Guardian?" I asked the group. A hologram appeared next to me.

"Present and accounted for sir" he said "Sorry for not reporting in"

"WOW" exclaimed Spike "What is that?"

"Oh him?" I said pointing at Guardian "That's Guardian, my assistant. No, it's not a ghost"

"Nice to meet you Mr. Spike" Guardian said nodding toward the dragon

"Captain, you know these creatures?" asked Firestorm, illiciting a squeak from Fluttershy.
Firestorm noticed this.

"Oh my, did I frighten you?" she asked "I'm terribly sorry, I really wasn't trying to be scary"

"Fluttershy, everyone" I began "That voice belongs to the base's computer, her name is Firestorm"

"Greetings everyone, I apologize for not introducing myself sooner"

"Firestorm, these are my friends: Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Spike" I said pointing to each as I named them.

"I have already taken the liberty of adding their biometric data to the systems" Firestorm reported "the base's systems will now recognize the seven of you as friends"

"S-s-so, your t-t-the Captain's f-f-friend?" asked a still scared Fluttershy as she crept out from behind the group.

"Yes, I am"

"So what are you guys doing here?" I asked

"We just wanted ta make sure ya were alright" said Applejack

"We also wanted to see if there was anything we could do to help you settle in" said Twilight

"I'm not sure" I said honestly "most of the stuff in here is way to complex for you, no offense"

"Actually Captain" Firestorm said "I could use some help with repairs and tests"

"Ooo, me, me, me, pick me" rattled Pinkie Pie while bouncing up and down waving a hoof over her head, making Firestorm giggle.

"Ok, Ms. Pie, just head through this door and get ready to help"

"Yay" Pinkie said as she bolted through the barely opened door

"I'll go with you, Pinkie" said Fluttershy as she trotted through the door

"And Captain, I could use some help checking on the engines" said Guardian "Ms. Dash, Ms. Applejack, and Ms. Rarity could be very helpful"

"Sure, I'll help" said Rainbow Dash

"So long as my mane doesn't get filthy" quipped Rarity

"Well alrighty then" said Applejack
The unicorn, pegesus, earth pony, and hologram all walked through a door leading to the left side engines. I turned to the remaining two.

"Well, I guess you're with me" I said

"What are we going to do?" asked Spike

"We are going to work on the Data Core room" I said as I turned to the now open door to the right

"The what now?" asked Spike

"It's like a library, but all the books are in a single shelf" I explained

"Wait, you have a library?" asked Twilight

"More or less" I answered

"A library filled with information new to Equestria?" she asked her eyes getting wider

"Some of it, yeah" I confirmed

"Then what are we waiting for!" Twilight exclaimed as she shot through the door like a purple missle

"Where is it, where is it?" she asked frantically

"Hold your horses there" I said realizing what I just said from the stares from the pony and dragon"Oh sorry, old human saying. It's right here"
I pressed a button and a door retracted, exposing the Data Core room. Twilight rushed in and frantically began looking for the books.

"Uh Captain" she said disappointed "there aren't any books in here"
I fired up the computer console.

"You just have to know where to look" I said
The screen displayed a welcome message, then went to the main database.

"See?"

"I don't get it" said Spike scratching his head

"Where are the books?" asked Twilight again
I spent the next couple minutes explaining that this library was electronic.

"So, no books?" said Twilight disappointed

"Well no" I said "but this computer acts like one big encyclopedia, watch"

"Search: Apple: McIntosh" I said out loud

"Were you refering to the fruit or computers?" the computer asked in text

"Fruit"
Then the screen changed and a picture of a McIntosh apple appeared with a wikipage-esque entry

"Want to try?" I asked

"Um, ok" replied Twilight then said out loud "Princess Celestia"

"Error: no entry of this topic currently exists" the computer wrote on-screen

"Twilight" I said "it only works on things that I would be aware of, so nothing specific to Equestria would be in here yet"

"Let me try" said Spike "Gems"

"Multiple types of 'Gems' on record. Please be more specific" the message read

"Ok, uh, sapphire"
Then a cut sapphire appeared in the same fashion as the apple.

"That looks delicious" Spike said licking his lips.

"Ok, I got one" said Twilight "Captain Archangel"

"Error: Classified"

"What?" asked Twilight

"Yeah" I said "some information is only accessable by me. It's just a security measure"

"Oh, ok" she said "how about magic"
A wall of text appeared explaining what humans knew about magic. Twilight quickly skimmed through the information.

"But this is all wrong" she declared "That's not how magic works"

"Hey, I told you humans don't really use magic like you do" I defended "We use slight-of-hand"
The next hour we spent looking through the database. We looked up everything from mythology (Spike was insulted by the entry on dragons) and technology to religion and government. Our searching was interrupted by a loud crash and a rumble trough the ship.

"Uh Firestorm" I said "What was that?"
Guardian responded

"Captain, there is a situation in the engine room"

"On my way" I answered "Firestorm, guide Pinkie and Fluttershy to the engine room"
I ran out the door, Twilight and Spike on my tail. We reached the main room at the same time Fluttershy and Pinkie did, joining our group and following me through the other door and leading straight to the engine room door.

"Don't stand in front of the door" I said causing the group to line up on either side of it like a SWAT team. I opened the door and a huge cloud of black dust rolled out.

"Firestorm, ventilate the engine room" I commanded

"On it" she responded followed by the sound of powerful fans. As quickly as it appeared, the dust was sucked out of the room exposing three black ponies and a still blue hologram.
Rarity is going to kill me I thought

"AHH!" exclaimed Rarity as she examined her coat, mane, and tail, eventually desolving into gibberish.

"Rarity" I said trying to calm her down
More gibberish
"Rarity!" I said a little louder
More gibberish
"RARITY!"
She stopped and looked at me

"Thank you" I said relieved "now, Rainbow Dash, could you make a small whirlwind?"

"Can I ever" she said confidently. She then began flying in a circle, causing a small tornado to form which sucked the black powder off the three ponies and channelled it into the vent fans. Once Rainbow stopped, all three ponies were returned to their former colors.

"See? Everything is fine" I said "Now, I really appreciate the help, but it's getting late"

"Yeah" said Applejack "I gotta git home and in bed, I got alot a work ta do tomorrow"

"And I have to go and make sure none of that dreadful dust is left on me" huffed Rarity

"I need to go feed my animals" whispered Fluttershy

"And I have some other work to do" I said "so I'll see you all tomorrow. Again, thanks for the help"
We all said our goodbyes and parted ways. I spent the rest of the day working on the engines.

"Hey Firestorm, I'm going to bed" I announced with a yawn "keep working on whatever you can"

"Ok Captain" Firestorm answered as I walked to the elevator and pressed the button "Good night"
I arrived at my quarters and entered the room. Removing my pistol and unloading it, I placed it back in its place, leaving the holster on the desk. I removed my boots, laid down on the bed and almost instantly fell asleep.

Failure to land

"Captain!" I heard a faint voice call out "Where are you!?"
I then heard hooves hit the ground and the voice again.
"There you are Arc" the voice said. I felt hooves on my side as I was rolled onto my back.

"C'mon Captain, wake up" The voice, which I now recognized as Rainbow Dash, pleaded as she shook me. I was then confronted with text displayed by my mechanical eye.
Ocular systems damaged. Heads Up Display inoperable
My vision came back as I opened my normal eye and as the robot one came into focus, save for the crack in the lens, revealing the flustered Pegasus. She noticed I was awake.

"Captain, oh thank Celestia you're awake" she said relieved "I thought you were really hurt"
I propped myself up against a tree and answered.

"It takes more than that to stop a juggernaut" I said. Rainbow's eyes grew bigger.

"Oh my gosh, Captain, your arm"
I looked down and saw what she meant: my right arm had been sheared off above the elbow, leaving just some mangled metal and stray wires.

"That's not suppose to happen" I said. One of the wires grazed the tree and shot a bolt of pain through my body.
Figures the only thing that survives is a pain sensor"

"Don't worry Dash" I said calmly "I'll be fine. You didn't happen to see the other part of my arm, did you?"
Rainbow placed a hoof to her chin as she thought.
"Hmmm...Oh" she said "I think I did see something metal over there, I'll go check" And she was off. I began decoupling the remaining part of my arm eventually popping it out of my shoulder socket and laying it to the side. I then tried to contact Guardian, but my radio just returned static.

"Dammit!" I said frustrated "Why can anything just work when I need it to"

"Found it" Rainbow said triumphantly as she laid the arm in my good hand "Is something wrong?"

"Aside from the obvious?" I asked sarcastically "I can't get a hold of G or Storm and without my computer system, I can't get out of here"

"So we're stuck here?" Dash asked

"Well technically I'm stuck here" I said "You can just fly back home, if you'd like"

"Not a chance" she said defiantly "I'm not leaving you out here alone"

"I appreciate that Rainbow" I said with a smile "Besides I'm sure Guardian, Storm and the rest of our friends are already looking for us" Rainbow laid down next to me.

"Yeah, you're probably right" she agreed

"So what happened anyway?" I asked. Rainbow recounted the previous events. I had asked her to help test a prototype flight system which had been going pretty well, until the engines exploded and dropped me into the Everfree forest.

"Yeah" I said as the memories came back "I remember that now. That's the last time I try to fly" Both of us were silent after that for a while. Rainbow was sleeping I think and I was making some simple repairs to the parts of me that weren't shredded.

"So" Rainbow said startling me a bit "How'd you get like that anyway?"

"You mean the robot parts?"

"Yeah, how'd that happen?"

"Well, a long time ago I was hurt very badly, like I was not suppose to survive. Against impossible odds, I survived and was given over to the Archangel Super-Soldier Project, which is where I got my name. They had scientists, doctors and engineers, the best of the best, all working to make me a one man army"

"So they used you to make a weapon" she said

"More or less" I replied

"How many others like you did they make?" asked Rainbow

"None" I said "I was the only one to survive Project Archangel"

"S-survive?" Rainbow said uneasily

"Yes" I answered "All the other test subjects were either destroyed by the tests and procedures or were deemed 'failures' and destroyed"

"That...that's...horrible" Rainbow said shocked "How could that happen?"

"There's an old saying: 'In war, the first casualty is truth'." I recited "I don't agree. I think the first casualty is morality. If it hadn't been for the fighting, those people would have been stripped of their status, thrown in jail, or maybe even executed"

"Were they really that evil?"

"Absolutely" I answered "Doctors hurt their patients, engineers built purposely faulty equipment, and the scientists ordered horrendous tests"

"But how could somepony do that to anypony else?"

"Because they wanted to protect me"

"What?"

"I wasn't seen as a person or a soldier, I was seen as a thing" I said "They did all of that just to determine what they should do to me" I lowered my head and closed my eyes "Hundreds of innocent people were killed or hurt because of me"

"I'm so sorry Arc" she said moving a little closer

"Everything that I am was made by them" I continued "My strength, my skills, even Guardian was placed as a way for them to control me"

"Really?"

"Yeah. The scientists implemented him as a failsafe to control me if I ever became unruly or uncooperative" I said then a little smile crept onto my face "But they underestimated him: they made him too smart and he could see that what was happening was wrong. He immediately disregarded every order they gave him, only listening to me..."
Rainbow yawned a bit which clued me in to the fact that it was nighttime.

"You know what" I said "We've had a long day, We should get some sleep"

"Good Idea" She said as she settled in for the night "G'night Captain"

"Good night Rainbow" the Pegasus fell asleep almost immediately leaving me alone with my thoughts. Why do I keep telling these ponies such personal stuff? First Twilight with Sword Dancer, and now Rainbow with the Archangel Project. I yawned and decided it was time to sleep.

I was awoken by a voice.

"Are you sure they're alive?" It said "they haven't moved since we got here"

"I am completely sure that the Captain and Ms. Dash are indeed alive, Ms. Sparkle"

"Well I think they look quite comfortable together like that" said another voice. I opened my eyes slowly and noticed Rainbow Dash had snuggled up against my side in the night and was still sleeping soundly. I also noticed that a small camp had been set up in the area around us and was populated by two unicorns, two earth ponies, a Pegasus, and two robots.

"Uhg, is it morning already?" I asked as I rubbed my head

"Well, well" said a computerized female voice "Look who decided to join us"

"Good to see you are awake, Sir" the other machine said

"Guardian, Storm" I said "good to see you two"

"HEY EVERYPONY, THEY'RE AWAKE!" I heard a hyper voice shout startling Rainbow and the bots

"Ms. Pie" Guardian said "Was that really necessary?"

"Sorry" she apologized "I'm just so happy to see they're ok"

"We all are Pinkie" said Twilight
I stood up revealing my missing arm.

"Do you need a hand?" asked Guardian. I just rolled my eyes

"Very funny" I said as I picked up the two part of my arm "let's get out of here"
We all began walking through the forest following Guardian as he had marked the path. I also overheard the ponies talking to Rainbow Dash.

"So" started Rarity "You and the Captain..."

"Hey, It's not what you think" Rainbow panicked as she tried to hide her embarrassed blush "It was cold last night and he was warm so I just got closer to him"

"Sure, Sugercube" Applejack said

"The two of you looked so cute there together" said Fluttershy

"Actually" chimed in Firestorm "given what I've noticed the two of you do have similar personalities"

"Oh not you too Storm" I complained

This talk continued all the way back to Ponyville. Once we arrived, we all went our separate ways the two bots and I making our way back to the base so I could begin repairs. I attached a replacement arm and began working on fixing my eye. I had removed the cracked lens and was finishing installing a fresh one when I heard a voice at the armory door.

"Hey Arc, are you in there?" Rainbow Dash asked. I opened the door and revealed the cerulean Pegasus

"What's up Rainbow?" I asked

"You know, just dropping by to make sure you were OK"

"Thanks Dash, but I'm fine. It takes more than hitting the ground at 600 miles an hour to take me out" I said confidently

"I know" she said "just makin' sure. Well, see ya around Cap" Rainbow walked toward the exit

"Hey Rainbow" I called after her, causing her to stop and turn "Thanks for staying with me back there. It means a lot"

"Hey, like I've said before" she answered with her usual confidence "I'd never leave my friends hangin'" and with that she took off toward Ponyville.

"Hey Guardian" I called to my assistant as I returned to my repairs

"Yes sir?" he answered

"Next time I try to design a flying suit" I began "I give you full permission to hit me over the head with a shovel"

"Not a problem sir"

Author's Note

Sorry it took so long. Oh and if there's anything you readers would like to see the Captain do, leave a comment and I'll work with that. Thanks