The sun is going down again. From the top of a haystack, I look down upon the party I set up, feeling a tinge of joy, something that has escaped me for long.
Everything still feels so unreal. Not too long ago, I was the cheerful, hopping pink pony with puffy mane that threw the best parties. Yet now, here I am, sitting alone in an abandoned barn on the lonely rock fields, eyes dried by excessive crying.
It all happened too suddenly, tearing my world apart. Everything was fine only a year ago. We went to Canterlot, defeated Chrysalis, and had parties, just as how things were meant to be.
But I guess parties can’t last forever after all.
A few days ago was Applejack’s memorial day. The apple family came together to Sweet Apple Acre to pay respect to her. Granny Smith, Big Mac and Applebloom were grief-ridden, but they had some shoulders to cry on. I? I don’t have such shoulders anymore, and I couldn’t bring myself to the memorial lest I breakdown. In fact, I have spent several days in self-enforced seclusion. I try hard to sleep as much as possible to escape the unbearable thoughts, but when I can’t sleep anymore, I am forced to stay helplessly awake. Every meal, I grind down candies and kernels as joylessly as a can-opener, merely to stay alive. I try to cover my ears, but the laughter from some carefree filly squeezed into my ears.
Huh, the element of laughter, trying to block out laughter? Pretty ironic. I used to be able to giggle at the ghosties, but without my friends, I cannot be brave. I have tried hard to stop the memories from entering my consciousness, but my mind muscles, tired from the holding up, finally let go, choking me with the… things…
First, it was Applejack. In the Applebuck Season last year, she slipped off a small cliff, smashed on a dead tree and got paralyzed. We didn’t find her fast enough… We spent several days together in Twilight’s library, leaning on each other for support, comforting and being comforted. When we had enough strength to face the reality, we got out of the library and attended Applejack’s funeral. She was buried in a quiet corner in her orchard.
The winter that followed was the longest winter I have ever experienced. No matter how warm the fire burned, the Hearth Warming Eve was still so cold without her trademark sunny smile and cider. The Winter Wrap Up was also slowed down, despite Big Mac working hard as the new leader of the Plant Team. However, gradually, life seemed to get back on track, and I was even able to throw my parties again. Little were we expecting another disaster that would soon follow, this time utterly shattering our bonds forever.
On March 21 this year, Discord escaped before dawn, fully intent on revenge, with blood. He put a bogus statue in his place and went to Los Pegasus for Rainbow Dash. On that day, Dash was practicing stunt moves in preparation for the Wonderbolts Academy Entrance Exam, and in the middle of a Sonic Rainboom, Discord disrupted her flight, making her spinning down out of control, crashing so hard, they… they never pieced her back together…
I let out a long wail as I hug tightly a Dashie doll I made years ago. I should have known that! That whole day I couldn’t even leave my bed because my knees felt so dry, I couldn’t even bend an inch. My Pinkie sense has never been so violent before, and I thought I was just really ill. Why did I have to overlook this sign?!
Then again, if communications among Equestria had been faster, maybe the Princesses would have stopped Discord sooner. Ponyville wasn’t informed of Rainbow’s death until several days later.
After killing Rainbow, he wasted no time to go for us in Ponyville. He wanted us all dead.
On the morning of March 22, Rarity and Fluttershy was murdered. I don’t know what happened to them, as everypony I asked either didn’t know or refused to talk about it. All I know is that their remains were incinerated, unlike Applejack’s.
It seemed that the Princesses still retained some connection with the Elements of Harmony; sensing a violent disturbance in the Elements, they headed for us in no time. Fortunately, before Discord could harm Twilight and me, they arrived and put us immediately under protection. Frustrated, Discord discarded his stealth and struck us with his chaotic fury. Cruelly bereaved of our friends, we couldn’t wield the elements again. It would have been the end of us, not for Celestia and Luna regaining control of the elements, defeating Discord the same way they did last time.
When the rubbles and ashes were cleared away, and Discord’s statue tossed deep underneath Canterlot, Twilight and I sat on the sooted streets of Ponyville, leaned on each other’s shoulder, and bitterly sobbed.
Twilight had always been the brave and resolute one, but even her strong heart was crushed by the death of three best friends. I kept babbling, “Why is this happening? ... How am I going to live on? …” She just choked and coughed, hugging me tighter, “I don’t know… Oh dear Celestia, I don’t know…”
I must have passed out in her embrace, because the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. The luridly-lit room was white, clean and empty, quiet as graveyard. It took me a while to recollect the things that had happened, and then I shouted, “Nurse Redheart! How are they? Twilight? Rainbow?” Redheart came in, “Oh, Pinkie Pie, you are awake, but you need more rest.” I pleaded, “Please just tell me they are all right! Then I can rest!” She hesitated and, with careful wording, said, “Twilight is fine in her library, with Spike tending to her. Rainbow… is fine, too.” I sighed in relief. At least they are fine…
However, as I spent more days in the hospital, I grew restless. I needed to see Twilight; I needed to see Dashie; I needed to hear their voices again. I needed them to cope with the pain. But the doctors kept me in, saying I needed to stay longer.
So I sneaked out and went straight for Twilight.
I was just past Sugar Cube Corner when my knees got very pinchy again, and I had to slow down. Fortunately, Lyra happened to come by with her cart. I cried out to her, “Lyra! Please carry me to Twilight’s library! My knees hurt and can’t walk!” Sensing the emergency in my voice, she immediately emptied her cart, let me in, and galloped straight to the library.
As we drew close to our destination, my tail twitched, and twitched again. Then I heard a distant, muffled “oomph”, mixed with a slice of “clash”. Lyra seemed to hear that too, as she galloped faster.
After a minute, we got to the library. Lyra knocked on the door, but there was no response. “I don’t think she’s inside, Pinkie.” “No! I KNOW she’s there, and we have to get in NOW!” I had no idea why, but I knew that the pinchy knee meant scary things, scary things that would happen TO HER. Lyra took faith in me, stood back, and bucked the door open.
Twilight was lying immobile in a pool of blood, buried under a pile of books.
Lyra screamed and ran for the doctors. Feeling dizzy and nauseated, I staggered to her side and held onto her hoof. I stammered incoherently, choked by tears, “Twilight? Twilight? … You’ll be OK, Lyra will get the doctors… You’ll be OK right? … Please… please don’t leave us. Pinkie needs you, Dashie needs you… Don’t… don’t go… I’m sorry… I should’ve been there… the doctors didn’t let me out… I’m so sorry… Please, wake up… and tell me it’s just a joke… that you just wanted to scare me… because I wasn’t there for you… You did! You did scare me! The blood looks so real… I promise I’ll never leave you, never ever! … Please, wake up…” The doctors rushed in and separated us. The bookcases closed in and spun. “I, can’t, take, this, any, more…” The whole world faded into darkness.
The nurse said that I slept for four days before finally waking up. The first thing I said was “How’s Twilight? Where’s Rainbow?” She just said, “They are fine… fine…” I knew she was lying, but I didn’t dare to find out the truth.
I slept and slept, seeking refuge in dreams. In them, we were together again, on the green hills of home, under the splendid summer sky. No pain, no sadness, no Discord, so happy together, as how things were meant to be.
But what must be must be.
One day, when I woke up, I saw my parents and sisters, along with Twilight’s parents. The first time since I got into hospital, I smiled, “Mom, dad, sis! You’re here!” Inkie and Blinkie just hugged me tightly, not saying anything. I noticed that Twilight’s parents were in black, somewhat unusual. I asked “How’s Twilight? I hope she is fine.” Twilight’s father looked down, slowly said, “Actually, Pinkie, she is not.” Twi’s mother gave him a quick jab, to which he replied impatiently, “What? She’ll know it eventually.” The he turned to me once more, “Twilight… she… she is in a better place now.”
I would have jumped out of the window, not for I was on the second floor. Instead, I just buried my head into Inkie’s mane, “Kill me. Help your big sis. Please.” Some cold tears fell on my cheek, “No, live on, for us, for your friends, for yourself.” For some time, I couldn’t think of anything. My mind was filled with random fragments of thought and memory. The first party I threw to Twilight, only to find her dead in a corner. It makes no sense! But what’s the point in making sense, when the whole world stopped making sense?
Then a thought crossed my mind. “Rainbow Dash!” I shouted. She was the one who gave me my smiles, my puffy mane, and my cutie mark. She brought color and joy into my dreary life. She stood up for me against Gilda. She appreciated my randomness, and she caught me on my way down to insanity. Even if all my other friends were gone, I could still live on for her. Even if I wouldn’t feel happy anymore, I could at least make her smile. “I want to see Dashie… I need to…” I pleaded. To my dismay, this created considerable uneasiness among them. I pressed on with more urgency, “I haven’t seen her for too long! Tell her to come visit me! Or tell me where she is and I can go visit her! Where is she?!” They did not answer, making me more desperate. What if…
No! “She is dead, isn’t she?!” Please tell me she is fine. “Tell me!” Don’t tell me. I couldn’t bear the tension of apprehension any longer, and after what seemed to be an eternity, I felt Blinkie nodding, slightly.
Sometimes you wish you can pass out and never wake up, yet the pain can get so great, you are helplessly crushed under the chaos raging in the mind, unable to pass out.
I once said that I was friend with everypony in Ponyville, but as it turned out, these “friends” were far less important to me than my five special friends. The whole of Ponyville tried to cheer me up; many nice ponies, such as Lyra, tried to become my new best friends. I was grateful for their love and care, but I knew that it would be all in vain, because every one of them is irreplaceable: The daring and loyal Dashie, the soft and kind Fluttershy, the wise and resolute Twilight, the sunny and dependable Applejack, the generous and graceful Rarity. Nopony can ever replace them in my heart.
Only after a month did I finally gather up the strength to ask Spike what happened. We sat in the eerily quiet library as Spike told me the story. It seemed that after I passed out, Twilight fell into a deeply disturbed state, and was determined to find a way to communicate with our dead friends, or even resurrect them, disregarding Celestia’s statement that such feats were in violation with the basic laws of magic. For four days, she desperately read through the library, barely eating or sleeping. Then she accidentally got a pile of books smashed on her. When I asked why Twilight bled so much, Spike preferred not to talk about that any longer. I gave him my thanks, and went home in silence.
Applejack once told us that she could see her dead parents passing through the night sky as meteors. After Applejack’s death, Twilight asked the Princesses whether there is some form of afterlife, to which they declined to answer. Maybe they didn’t know; maybe they knew, yet fear the consequences of answering.
Either way, it won’t matter.
I tried to live on, to find happiness again. I took a trip to CandyLand, took Prozac and some other fancy-named pills. I left Ponyville, lived a while in Canterlot, then went back to the rock farm. Nothing worked. The pain didn’t go away.
So I decided to use my last resort.
In the past several days, I have prepared for this final party in my waking hours. Guess I haven’t lost my party moves despite a hiatus of several months. When I look upon the decorated barn, everything seems perfect. The gifts, the balloons, the streamers, the cake… just like old times. I even puffed up my tail and mane with hair gels. After all, this final party is held in honor of the old days of our friendship, right? And boy, I can almost hear them talking and laughing with me. I closed my eyes and smiled, feeling a tear rolling down my cheek.
Then I felt a familiar hoof over my shoulder.
I opened my eyes and gasped, not believing what I saw, “Twilight! You’re alive? Where have you been?” I gave her my Python Hug, “I missed you SOOOOO much!”
Twilight gently nuzzled me, with a sad tone, “Oh Pinkie, this is not true, you are dreaming.” I held her tighter, “No, tell me this is reality, and I was just having a bad dream.”
“Ah know how you wish we’re all really here sugarcube, but Twilight said the truth.” Applejack sat beside me, patting me back, “Ah’m sorry.”
I wiped away my tears, “Oh, it’s OK… *sniff*… soon we’ll be together again, I promise.”
A butter-yellow Pegasus cradled my neck affectionately, whispering to my ear, “We all missed you Pinkie. Don’t be scared. We’ll be there with you until the end.”
Then there came the strange blurring and shaking, as if the barn was melting down. “NO!! Don’t go!” In an instant, I desperately tried to hold onto Fluttershy, the next instant —
I open my eyes. I’m lying alone, in the dark, empty barn, squeezing the Dashie doll in my arms. The cake is still on the desk, gifts still at the door, empty chairs still around the table, but my friends are there no more.
But it soon won’t matter. I’ll never feel lonely again.
I put my note on the desk, take out the nice balloons, with colors that match my cutie mark, and wind the strings around my neck, one by one. Then I let them all go at once, pulling me upwards. The thin strings are pressing firmly against my beating artery. My head is going to explode. Vision is blurring. Thoughts are muddling into a big messy stew.
I. Need. Air. I’m frantically clawing the strings that are garroting me, but they are doing their job well, and there is no return for me.
Stay with me my friends…
Author's Note
I hope you are having a nice read. I wrote this when I was bored and depressed at school. I probably invested in more emotion than I should, because during writing, I frequently had to stop writing for a while, too saddened and disturbed by Pinkie's sad fate.
