Sold out for Sweets

by RatChieftain

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Sweetie Belle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Tragedy, Adventure
Length: 3129

Alcoholic Anon armyfag meets Sweetie Belle.

This is based off a roll from a picture I helped make for AiE http://i.imgur.com/SLChEia.jpg
My first roll was:
1)Sweetie Belle
2)Druggie/Alcoholic Anon
3)War

Special thanks for Whatimustdo for proofing. Art by me, as always.

Published 2013-02-13 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-09 16:01:09 UTC

Chapter One: Negotiations

Chapter One: Negotiations

We finally had the means to travel across dimensions. We humans had initially resorted to the idea due to a shortage of resources on Earth. We tried to do things diplomatically, or so my superiors claimed. Needless to say, we failed and resorted to the only thing humans seem to be good at; war. The ponies were caught completely off guard. Resistance was futile, not that many of the ponies dared to even attempt to fight back. We set a pretty good example of those that did, much to my and their dismay.

It was just another day in this damnable pony land. I was sent with a few soldiers to search for some element-wielding ponies in a small town called Ponyville. Supposedly it was a last source of defense, according to the Princess, but we didn’t have to worry about it. Humans are highly resistant to the primary effects of magic, after all. The best they can do is blind us and throw spears or other things. Regardless, my superior wanted them in captivity; he did not want them to spark hope into the ponies. Upon arrival to Ponyville, the ponies automatically closed shops and locked themselves indoors. I had heard they were naturally skittish, but I didn’t think it was this bad.

Jumping down from the vehicle, I and a few others managed to kick in the doors to the town hall and demanded information from the mayor. Surprisingly, she told me everything I wanted to hear with little resistance. First stop was the tree house in the center of town. I rapped at the door, but there was no answer.

“Twilight Sparkle, I have a warrant for your arrest,” I say though a voice amplifier.

There was no response.

“At the count of ten I’m taking down the door,” I raise my voice.

There was still no response from the building. I kicked the door in, crawled through, and stormed the whole perimeter twice, a second time with thermal goggles just in case. Taking a swig of whisky from a canteen, I went back outside to meet with the others.

“Major Anonymous, according to the ponies at the bakery and the ponies down at the farm, they’re gone.”

“Do they have any information on where they went, private?” I ask, massaging my temples.

“Negative, sir. We tried everything. Apparently they just up and went. The cottage near the edge of the forest and the cloud home seem to be empty too,” he replies.

“And the boutique?”

“Well… I thought that-”

“What did I say about thinking, private?” I interrupt. “Damn it all, just set up camp and we’ll report to the Lt Colonel at 600 sharp, I expect you to be on your best behavior while I check the boutique at the end of town.”

“Sir, would you like me and some of the others to accompany you this time? I don’t suggest going alone. We still don’t know what these “elements” can do exactly.”

“Don’t worry,” You say patting him on the shoulder. “I’m pretty sure I’m big enough to take care of myself.”

“Yes, major,” he says, saluting, before turning to go check on the others.

I take another swig from the canteen. Sure, if I get caught drinking on duty I’m screwed, but I never asked for this. No one did, it’s all just a freak accident gone wrong. I had signed up to defend my country, not oppress a bunch of helpless little alien horses that piss themselves when they look at you. All for what? For their magic? They can’t even do magic once you take everything from them since it’s somehow connected with how they feel. And humans used resources making that damned portal in the first place.

“Sign up for this,” they said. “We made a terrible mistake and you need to defend your country—no, your world—from aliens that can control the weather and levitate and power objects at will," they said. If only my superiors would actually get over here and see for themselves how helpless and innocent they are.

A bit buzzed, I enter the boutique and start searching. I know I won’t find anything so I start raiding the fridge. Whoever lived here had expensive tastes, I see. No meat, much to my dismay but I do see some leftover alfredo pasta and veggies with lentil soup on the side. I sit my ass down on the undersized couch and dig in. It’s probably the best vegetarian dish I ever had, albeit a bit cold.

I stop as soon as I hear something. I set my food down and stand up, mindful of the low ceiling. I follow the muffled crying sounds to a room at the end of the hall. Upon opening the door, the sound abruptly stops. I walk through, quiet as possible, scanning my surroundings.

“I can hear you, come out with your… hooves up, I guess,” I say, sitting down on the bed, not in the mood for any fighting or resistance. I was somewhat able to stomach watching my boys clip wings and snap unicorn horns and whatnot, but I don’t have the heart to do it myself.

“I-I’m not in any trouble, am I mister human?” you hear a voice from under the bed, that of a young girl.

“No, no. You aren't in trouble. I’m just looking for an element-wielding pony or something. Are you her?” I ask not bothering to look at I was talking too. I swear, if the elements are children, I am walking right back through that portal right now.

“No, I think you’re looking for my sister. Did she do something wrong? Are you going to hurt her?”

“N-no, she didn’t do anything wrong. I just want to talk with her, that’s all. Do you know where she is?”

I avoid her second question. Whether or not we hurt her depends on whether she fights back or not, but I don’t want to tell a kid that.

“No, she left me here and left a letter.” Her voice cracks upon mentioning that.

“Shhhh, it’s ok kid. Do you have any parents?”

“No, they went on vacation and they're not allowed to leave Las Pegasus now.” She sounds like she’s crying now.

“Okay, okay. Do you want to come out from under the bed now?” I ask as softly as I can.

She does so. It’s a little white unicorn with olive green eyes and a curly pink and purple mane. She also seems disheveled and looks like she's been crying for hours.

“Kid, what’s your name?” I ask, smiling at her.

Her irises constrict in fear as they meet yours. “I-I’m Sweetie Belle, mister.”

“Now then, listen to me Sweetie Belle, I’m Major Anonymous and I want to be your friend. What I want you to do is to get that letter your sister left you. Since we both need her right now I’m going to help you find her.”

“R-REALLY?” she asks with another adorable voice crack
.

“Yep.” I smile.“Now come on, let’s go to the human camp in the park here. I promise you I won’t let any of those mean old humans touch you, you hear me?”

“O-ok Mister Anonymous.”

Upon exiting the building—I pick up Sweetie Belle and her sit on my shoulders. I scan the letter and things don’t seem to be looking too good. As I reach the camp one of my boys run up to me and salutes me.

“Sir, the colonel arrived a little while ag— Have you been drinking?” he asks, catching the scent of alcohol on your breath.

“Doesn’t matter,” I say, letting Sweetie Belle down. “Hey Sweetie, this man is going to take you to my tent and I'll be back with you in a jiffy and then we'll get you fed, alright?”

A look of worry hits her face. “Okay Anonymous, you promise?”

“Yep! Private, give her my share of rations and do not lay a finger on her, alright?” I get up and lean in towards his ear.“This is our ticket to finding the elements.”

He doesn’t give me a response at first, instead just looks at me and gives me a disturbed look.

“Sweetie? A foal...? Really?”

“Private, stop that shit before I tear your balls off. Now go,” I say, facepalming.

As I enter, the colonel doesn’t seem amused in the slightest. He must have gotten word that the elements have escaped.

“How dare you search alone, you have some kind of a death wish? Wait... are you drunk, Major? I expected better from you. You better have some leads or you’ll be on the first train back to Appleoosa in the morning. I’m fed up with your reckless behavior.”

First train to Appleoosa? Shit, if I had known I could get permission to go through the portal for doing what I do best I would have done it sooner. In fact, I could do it now, but what then? Drink my post-traumatic stress disorder away until I’m a homeless bum? I reluctantly hand him the letter.

“Sir, the elements left to go unite and get help from the surrounding countries. It doesn’t specify where they will go first so we have to act now if we are going to catch them. If they go east to the griffon province, west to minotaur empire, or far south to the land of the dragons we are going to be in for a hell of a ride.”

“Where did you get this, Major?” He asks, a bit skeptical.

“One of them left a letter for a relative.”

“Very good, Major. Now, since our forces are dense down south, I doubt they would go there first. What was up north, again? Crystal Empire? I doubt they are threatening, having been gone for one thousand years, but the only forces we have up there are the troops in Las Pegasus. We should intercept them before they get too far. Also, I’m taking some of your men so we can secure the border in all directions," he says. “Speaking of Las Pegasus, some ponies started to riot and we had to kill about one-eighth of the total population. Point is, don’t single yourself out again. You just never know with these ponies.”

“Yes, sir,” I reply, saluting him.

He returns the salute and I head back to the tent. I see Sweetie laying on my fold up bed. The way she looks at me, that twinge of hope in her eyes... It makes me feel terrible for what I just did, selling her sister out just so I can get money to drown my own problems in alcohol.

“Hey Sweetie, if anything happens, like… if your sister gets hu- if we don’t find her, I’ll take care of you until I get you back to your parents, alright?” I reassure her, hopeful that they're still alive.

“Thanks Anonymous. You’re a good friend. The others were wrong about you humans," she says, tackling me into a hug.

“Yeah.”

Author's Note

Sweetie Belle is worst CMC.

Chapter Two: Trains and Tribulations

It’s been an uneventful train ride so far. Some of my men are harassing some of the pony passengers and prodding through their personal belongings. Some are brawling and making a complete mess of things. The rest are doing fuck all. I probably should stop them but I’m too busy sitting in the corner, drinking some apple brandy shit I picked up at some farm before leaving. I’ve also been looking at pictures of the Elements that were given to me in a brown folder. I will need to keep an eye open when we get there. Sweetie is hiding under my coat, resting her head on my lap, probably spooked from the ruckus going on.

“You alright, Sweets?” I slur.

“Just a little sleepy," she replies, nuzzling into my leg. She’s probably tired from all the noise that’s been going on in this train for the last 3 days.

Sighing, I scoop her up in my arm and head into another cart. Since we’ll be at the Crystal Empire in the next eight hours or so, some sleep would probably do both of us some good.

“You know? You uhh… sure are pretty fer, uhhh... one of you,” I hear a voice say as I enter the cart. Looking in, I see one of my men leaning over a lone mare who is visibly perturbed. That’s just downright disgusting.

“What the shit,” I murmur.

Turning around, he recoils when he sees me. “Ohh we won’t bother you none, Major. Juuust lookin’ for a little fun is all.”

“That’s just wrong, you fucking rube. And I shouldn’t have to explain why,” I say, rubbing my temple with my free hand.

“Heh, morals. I think we all know that went out the window when we started a war with tiny marshmallow horses.” He’s got a point. “Besides, it’s more like xenophilia,” he persuades, giving me a sly wink.

“Like I give a shit what you think it is. Besides, It’s still rape. Just get out. I need to get her,” I say pointing to Sweetie, "to bed. “

He gives me a knowing look. “Ohh, I see. I’ll guard the door, you sly dog,” he says, making his way out. “EYY, MY MAN IS GETTING LAID BY A HORSE,” he yells, reaching the next cart.

I simply sigh again, letting Sweetie on the bed as I sit down. The mare in the bed across from me just shoots me a dirty glare. Considering what I just did for her, she’s being awfully ungrateful.

“You probably shouldn’t single yourself out from the rest of the ponies, you know?” I raise my hand to take another swig, only to realize all the booze was already gone. “Well shit.” She just continues staring at me as if terrified to speak, her expression becoming more and more worried by the second. There is akward silence in the cart as we stare at each other. She had a pink mane with a cerise coat upon further inspection. I kind of want to tell her she’s being an ungrateful cunt, but I kind of don’t want to put a pony down in front of Sweetie. I’ll need her trust if I’m going to use her to bait the Elements of Harmony.

“M-miss Cheerilee?” Sweetie asks, lifting the coat from her head. This Cheerilee looks at her wide-eyed, then back to me, still not responding. Sweetie and I look to each other and just shrug.

“Look, Cheer. I’m cool and all,” I slur, laying back in the undersized bed. “Don’t be afraid to speak to me. If not, just with Sweetie.”

She hesitates for a moment before asking in a hushed tone, “Sweetie, what are you doing here with these humans? I told all of you to go home, stay inside, and don’t come out for anything!”

“My sister left me and Anonmus and I are looking for her," she answers, messing up my name. She is even more adorable when she’s sleep deprived.

“It’s Major Anonymous to you, Squeaks McRetard,” I jokingly say. Opening my eyes, I see her ears back and her eyes are watering. Cheerilee on the other hand shoots me another glare. Damn, now that’s what I call a war face.

“It was a joke, Sweetie. Look, how about you just call me Anon,” I say, ruffling up her mane. “So Cheerilee, what do you do for a living?” I ask, to make her feel more comfortable.

“I’m a… teacher in Ponyville," she answers with a surprised tone.

“What’s a teacher’s business going to the Crystal Empire? Alone, for that matter,” I inquire. She furrows her brow again, before hesitantly answering.

“Well, I don’t really have any family in Ponyville. I hate to abandon the school and my students but I hear there aren’t as much humans up there and that it was safer on the streets what with all the rape and public beating happening in Equestria, no offense.”

“None taken,” I say, nonchalant.

“HET MAJOR, YOU DONE GETTING ’YER DICK WET WITH THAT LITTLE GIRL PONY IN THERE YET? SURE IS AWFULLY QUIET!” the hick outside the room screams at the top of his lungs.

“Announce it to the rest of Equestria too, why don’t you,” I sarcastically grumble. Cheerilee starts living up to her name and actually giggles a bit at that. I can’t help but snicker at that myself. Unfortunately for the bumpkin, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to beat his face into the pavement when I sober up.

“Anon, what does he mean by-”

“You’ll know when you’re …older, Sweetie,” Cheerilee and I say simultaneously, before giggling a bit more.

“You know, being a teacher must be nice. Instead of getting paid to murder people, you get to sit down with kids and pretty much inspire and well… teach, I guess.”

She shrugs. “Yeah, it is nice. I just hope I live long enough to be able to do it again. Same goes for the students. I can’t teach without them.”

“Yeah, if I had a chance to do things over I’d probably be a teacher or a musician… or some shit like that,” I say, my eyes roving to the empty bottle. “It’s much too late for me now. I’m no good at anything but fighting, killing, and beer pong.”

“Ohh? I hear humans live more than twice as long as ponies. I’d say that’s more than enough time to find your very special talent. You just have to keep searching, right Sweetie?” she explains, turning to the little filly.

“Yep," she chimes in. “Maybe you can join the Cutie Mark Crusaders and join me in finding my cutie mark!”

“Humans don’t get those cutie mark things,” I mumble.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t still find a hobby or job that makes you happy," the cerise mare states.

“Hmm... then I’ll take you up on that offer... as long as I don’t have to go through any hazing or anything.” Sweetie pulls a patch out of nowhere and hands it to me. It has some pony on it. I shrug pocket it, much to her dismay.

“We’ll have to find my friends for you to be officially in, but for now you can be my junior crusader!” Her voice cracks again and I swear that cured my cancer right then and there.

I turn to my side and pull Sweetie in close and just start to think. So If I’m not going to drink myself into a coma when I get back to Earth, what other possibilities are there?

Author's Note

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnAMDg7IVWs