Bride of the Rain

by Fizzy Orange

Rating: everyone
Tags: Raindrops, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Gilda, Random
Length: 1153

Gilda the Griffon shows up in Ponyville with strange news. Crack Lunaverse fic for Hearts & Hooves Day writing event 2013

Last time Gilda the Griffin was in town she got into a fight with Raindrops. This fight will have consequences neither she, or Raindrops could have ever imagined. Starting with the fact she now has to break up with Rainbow Dash... not that Rainbow Dash knew there were apparently dating.

This is my third entry for the Lunaverse Hearts & Hooves Day 2013 special event! The pairing in this fanfic was decided by a random number generator, and I did my best. This fic is 100% non-canon to the Lunaverse and 1000% silly! This story is technically a sequel to Griffin Over the Line by Emeral Bookwise, but knowledge of Lunaverse canon is not needed to enjoy this story, with all the information you need to understand it included in the story.

Enjoy!

For official chronological order of Lunaverse stories, and everything Lunaverse, please come visit us in the Lunaverse Group!

Published 2013-02-14 18:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-14 18:00:01 UTC

What.

Rainbow Dash yawned loudly as she made her way to her front door. Who the hay could be knocking at her door this early in the morning? It was like…okay it was actually ten o’clock and she should normally have been at work two hours ago, but it was still too early.

Plus for somepony to knock on her door so loud that she can hear it all the way in her bedroom is pretty impressive, considering her entire house is made of cloud. She opened her door in one swift motion, aiming her best angry glare at the general area behind it, hoping to impress upon anypony there that she wasn’t happy about the disturbance. Turns out there weren’t any pony at the door.

There was, however, a griffin.

Rainbow Dash blinked in confusion. “G? What are you doing here?”

Gilda the griffin had last been in town merely a month ago. That time her and Rainbow Dash had went on a serial pranking spree that ended when Raindrops, one of Dash’s underlings in the weather patrol, had blown a fuse and got into a fight with Gilda. Right now the griffin looked strangely uncomfortable and was making an obvious effort to look at anything but Rainbow Dash’s face.

The pegasus cocked her head sideway and lifted one of her eyebrow. “Is…something wrong?”

“Dash we need to talk,” finally said Gilda after steeling herself, “it isn’t going to work between us.”

Dash was dumbstrucked. “What?!”

Gilda sighed dramatically. “Look, I’m not good at this lame ‘feelings’ thing okay? I think you’re pretty awesome and I still want to hang out with you, but that thing we got, that…augh… romance we’ve been tip-toeing around for years ain’t gonna go anywhere. It can’t anymore.”

“What.”

“I know we weren’t a real couple but…what I’m saying here is I gotta break up with you,” said Gilda, rubbing the back of her head with a talon. “Well at least now you can go date that buttercup that lives with animals. Anyway, stay cool Rainbow Dash. I’ll send you a pair of invite for the wedding. Let’s hang out next time I got free time.”

And with that Gilda the Griffin flew off in a hurry toward Ponyville, leaving a confused Rainbow Dash frozen with a slack jawed expression on her face.

After almost a minute Dash recovered the ability to move and speak. “What just happened?”

Raindrops didn’t like Hearts and Hooves Day. Nopony ever asked her out on a date because they were too afraid of her or something, she never had the guts to ask anypony out, and to make matter worse a bunch of her colleagues took the day off to be with their special somepony. That was why she was currently pushing clouds to set up a romantic sunset instead of enjoying her usual day off.

“Stupid Thunderlane getting a date…” she grumbled under her breath.

“Hey Dropsy!” called a voice she had wished to never hear again.

Raindrops looked up from her work to see the majestic predatory shape of Gilda the Griffin descending to land on the cloud she had just been pushing.

“What do you want?” asked Raindrops, already on the defensive.

Gilda sighed and produced a little purple box. “Here, this is for you, I didn’t have time to get a pony sized one,” she said, presenting it to Raindrops.

The pegasus landed on the cloud too, and carefully took the box away. She opened it to find a small metal ring, apparently made of gold.

“What is it?” asked Raindrops.

Gilda looked away, apparently embarrassed. “Remember how you beat the feathers out of me last month?”

“Yeah?”

“I shouldn’t have told anyone back home. Turns out, according to the lame rules of the Kingdom of Sidarda, you get to marry me. This is your official engagement ring.”

Raindrops took a few steps toward the edge of the cloud, panic written on her face. “Wait what?!”

“It’s tradition: when you beat up the princess you become her groom. When my dad kicks the bucket you’ll get to be King and lead us in glorious conquest against the other Griffin Kingdoms… or just sit on the throne all day like my dad does, he’s not much for conquest these days, at least not outside his bedroom.” explained Gilda, rolling her eyes and making air quotes at the word conquest.

Raindrops had a hard time to process the situation and desperately tried to make sense of the situation. “But, but but… but…wait you’re a princess?”

“Yeah. Couldn’t you tell?” snapped Gilda aggressively.

“I don’t want to marry you! I barely know you!” protested the jasmine pegasus, offering the box back.

But the griffin just pushed the box back. “If you don’t accept or run away my dad will need to… what did he say… avenge the family honor? And invade Ponyville and stuff. No way I’m letting him hurt Rainbow Dash.”

“There’s got to be a way out! Can’t you just beat me up and avenge yourself?”

Gilda shook her head. “I’d have to bring back your head. I don’t think the border guard would let me through.”

Raindrops stared at the ring box in disbelief. “This is… this is…just…”

“Lame?” suggested Gilda.

“Insane!” shouted Raindrops.

Raindrops’ mind was boggling at all the implications. Would she really have to marry that griffin to protect Ponyville from her father’s army? She’d had to deal with the consequence of explosive anger before but this was just beyond anything else. It didn’t even make sense! She didn’t even like her, not that she could tell considering how little interaction they had in the past. At least she had an athletic and toned exotic body. Female griffins were pleasantly curvy.

Raindrops shook her head. She had to stall this as long as possible so she could find a loophole. With some help from her friends she could surely find a peaceful way out of this conundrum.

Gilda meanwhile had prattled on about what needed to be gathered for the wedding.“…I think fifty pigs should be enough for the wedding banquet, we’ll keep it small. You’re gonna need a suit of armor in the style of your homeland. You’re from Cloudsdale right?”

“Do I have to decide right away?” she asked meekly.

The griffon shrugged. “I got two weeks or so before heading back to prepare the wedding.”

“If we’re going to get…augh…married,” said Raindrops with a shiver, “I want to get to know my bride. Since it’s Hearts and Hooves Day you have to take me out on a date after work.”

Gilda groaned. “Fine!”

Raindrops grinned. At least she wouldn’t be miserable alone today.

A few monthes later…

Rainbow Dash stared with eyes wide open at the newspaper headline, her jaw nearly reaching the floor, before fainting.

It read: King Raindrops Re-unifies Griffin Empire, Coronation of New Emperor Announced