Avoiding Clichés

by Late_To_The_Party

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Trixie, Random, Derpy Hooves
Length: 3607

A collection of short stories in which clichés of pony fanfiction are extremely carefully avoided.

This is a collection of short stories in which I carefully avoid using cliché fanfiction responses to certain situations. It will also serve as practice writing characters that I may not be comfortable putting into a larger story yet, so feedback is appreciated.

If anyone has a suggestion for a cliché I should avoid, let me know in the comments, and I will consider writing a story in which I don't use it.

Below is the current list of stories and which clichés I'm avoiding in them.
The Great and Powerful Shopkeep [Slice of Life] - Twilight and Trixie love/hate relationship
D.R.P. Mail [Slice of Life][Random]?(I don't really know what to define this one as.) - "Derpy not being clumsy while delivering mail." - SuperChaosKG
Performance [Slice of Life] - Octavia and Vinyl Scratch love/hate relationship

Published 2013-02-14 17:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-16 14:50:30 UTC

The Great and Powerful Shopkeep

Twilight Sparkle walked the dusty streets of Appleoosa.  She had come to the settler town with her friends to attend a celebration of the recently established treaty with the Buffalo.  As the ponies who had helped end the hostilities, they were to be the guests of honor that night.  Until then, they had some extra time on their hooves, so Applejack was visiting her family, and Fluttershy was learning about the local wildlife.  Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, was preparing another musical number, and Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Little Strongheart were trying to talk her out of it.  She sincerely hoped they would succeed.

A tumbleweed blew across the road right in front of her, shaking her out of her thoughts.  She watched it come to rest against a building that looked much newer than the others nearby.  Not to say that the others weren’t new; the entire town was only a couple years old.  Perhaps newer wasn’t quite the word for this building.  Flashier might be a more appropriate description.  Standing two stories tall, the bright blues and purples of the store were a sharp contrast to the tans and browns of the surrounding structures.  The sign seemed to indicate it was a magic shop of some kind, although what use that would be to the earth ponies who lived in Appleoosa, Twilight wasn’t sure.

Twilight stepped inside, and a bell jingled to announce her arrival.  The first thing she noticed upon entering the shop was the counter opposite the entrance, behind which there was a doorway to another room in the back of the building.  Looking around, Twilight saw the walls were covered with shelves holding a large variety of small, brightly colored boxes and trinkets, many of which appeared to have some kind of magical purpose.  Everything was clean and neatly organized; whoever owned the shop clearly cared a great deal about appearances.  She realized it looked a lot like many small stores she’d seen in Canterlot, but the bright colors, not to mention the magic, seemed out of place in Appleoosa.

Twilight heard hoofsteps and a voice from the back room, its owner having heard the bell on the door.

“Welcome to my shop!  What do you desire from the Great and Powerful-”  Twilight recognized the voice.

“Trixie?”  The unicorn in question had stopped in the doorway, and was looking at Twilight with no small amount of surprise.

“Twilight Sparkle?”

“What are you doing here?”  They asked in unison.  Trixie stepped out of the doorway and walked behind the counter.  When Twilight made no move to answer the question they had both asked, Trixie did.

“After that “Alicorn Amulet” incident,” Trixie said, looking down, “which I still feel bad about, by the way.”  She looked back up at Twilight, replacing her air of smugness.  “Trixie came to Appleoosa to get a fresh start.  Trixie’s magic may not be impressive to ponies in Canterlot or even Ponyville, but the Appleoosans were so amazed by Trixie’s greatness that they wanted her to stay!”  She reared in excitement.  “Now the Great and Powerful Trixie performs at least once a week.  In fact, Trixie is performing for a special celebration tonight!”

“What a coincidence!” Twilight said.  “I’m going to the celebration too.”  She gave a nervous chuckle.  “That’s really why I’m here; I’m actually one of the guests of honor.  My friends and I are partially responsible for the treaty with the Buffalo.”

Trixie rolled her eyes.  “Why is Trixie not surprised?”  She asked with a smirk.

“Oh, you know, just in the right place at the right time, I guess.  So,” Twilight said, trying to change the subject away from herself, “what do you sell here?”

Trixie’s eyes lit up at the question and she gestured Twilight to come over to the counter.  Trixie’s horn glowed and she levitated some of the items from the shelves onto the counter for Twilight to see.

“These are all items which you may have no need of, being a unicorn, but the Appleoosans have no magic of their own, so they like to use these and pretend that they do.”  Trixie gestured to the first box, which had a picture of a dark cloud on it.  “These are smoke pellets.  They can be thrown against the ground or crushed between hooves to create a cloud of smoke, giving the magician time to disappear.”

“Neat!” Twilight said. “Do you use potassium ni-”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie wasn’t finished,” Trixie said sternly.

“Sorry, go on.”

“Thank you.”  Trixie cleared her throat and pointed out the next box, which was longer and thinner than the first.  “These are magic sparklers.  They are wand sized and when you wave them around, they... well, they sparkle.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“They sparkle very brightly,” Trixie said defensively.

“Okay, okay,” Twilight said, raising one of her front hooves in a placating gesture.  “What else do you sell?”

“This is one of my finest products,” Trixie said, gesturing to the next box.  It looked just like the first box except this cloud had a lightning bolt sticking out of it.  “They’re smaller than the smoke pellets, and don’t need to be crushed.  One simply tosses the tiny pellet, and wherever it hits, a storm cloud appears, striking that spot with a bolt of lightning!”  Trixie reared again, laughing maniacally.

“That sounds awfully dangerous for a magic show,” Twilight said.

Trixie stopped laughing and lowered herself onto all fours again.  She looked at Twilight and sighed.  “Twilight, you’ve seen my lightning.  It’s good for standing ponies’ manes on end, but not much else.  It’s not going to really hurt anypony.”

“I guess you’re right,” Twilight said.  “Actually, that would be great to have on hoof the next time Rainbow Dash decides to prank me.  I might just buy some of those from you.  I think I’ll get some of the sparklers too; Spike will love them.”

“Wonderful!” Trixie said.  “One box of each?”

“That sounds perfect,” Twilight said with a smile.  “How much?”

“Fifteen bits.”

Twilight paid for the items, thanked Trixie, and turned to leave.

“Remember,” Trixie said as Twilight reached the door, “for any magic show, whether you’re an earth pony, a pegasus, or a unicorn, you can buy what you need from the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Twilight looked back at Trixie, who was standing on her hind legs again, her forelegs held high in the air.  “I’ll remember, and I may just be back for more sometime.  See you at the celebration tonight.”

Twilight left the shop.  Trixie lowered her forelegs back to the floor.  She levitated the items she hadn’t sold back to the shelves, carefully lining them up where they belonged.  She looked around the shop and allowed herself a satisfied nod.

“Another sale and a performance tonight,” she said to herself.  “The Great and Powerful Trixie really has found a place to belong.”  She smiled and returned to the back room.

D.R.P. Mail

A loud crash shook the library one morning, pulling Twilight’s attention away from the book she had been reading.  Judging from the direction of the sound, somepony was coming to visit and crashed into the door instead of opening it.  Most likely it was either Rainbow Dash or...

“My bad!”  A voice shouted, muffled by the still-shut door.  Twilight rolled her eyes and, with a sigh, opened the door.  A gray pegasus stood on the other side, one eye focused on Twilight’s face, while the other seemed to be intently studying the ceiling.  While nothing was unusual about that, the smile that usually accompanied those eyes was conspicuously absent.

“Derpy?  Is something wrong?”

Derpy nodded slightly.  “Can you help me?”

“I’ll do my best, what’s wrong?”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, I promise I’ll help if I can.  Come inside and tell me what’s wrong.”  Twilight stepped aside to let Derpy in and shut the door behind her.

“No one likes me,” Derpy said quietly.

Whatever problem Twilight had expected to be presented with, that wasn’t it.  “What are you talking about?  Everyone likes you.”

Derpy shook her head.  “No, they don’t.  They’re polite to me, but they don’t really like me.  They just try to be nice until I go away.  I can’t keep a job because I drop things or crash into things and it’s all because of this stupid stra- strab- stabri-” She gave up on the word and angrily gestured to her eyes.

“Strabismus?”  Twilight asked.

“Yeah, that.”  She stopped, satisfied that she’d explained sufficiently.

“I don’t understand, what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to fix my eyes so I can see right and I stop being so clumsy all the time!”

“Oh, um,” Twilight said, biting her lip.  “I... I’m not a doctor, you should really-”

“They won’t help me!” Derpy shouted.  “I already talked to them!”

Twilight took a step back from the angry outburst.  “Whoa, calm down!  Why wouldn’t they help you?”

Derpy closed her eyes and took a deep breath to steady herself.  She opened her eyes and focused one of them on Twilight while the other stubbornly looked away.  “They told me that they could help if it was my muscles that weren’t working, but they said it was my brain that was the problem, so they couldn’t do anything.  But you can use magic to fix it, right?”

“That’s not a good idea,” Twilight said, shaking her head.  “The pony brain is a very complex organ.  If I used magic to fix a problem in your brain, it could cause all kinds of other problems even worse than the original one.”

Derpy let out a bitter laugh.  “It can’t be worse than being this clumsy.”

“Come on, Derpy, it’s not that bad,” Twilight said, trying to cheer her up...

“Not that bad?”  Derpy yelled.

...and failing miserably.

“Do you know what ponies call somepony who’s being clumsy?  They don’t call them clumsy.  They call them derpy.  I’m so clumsy that my name is used as another word for it!  When somepony makes a mistake, they ‘derped!’” Derpy stomped one hoof and screamed, “So don’t try to tell me ‘it’s not that bad!’”  She shut her eyes and shook with anger.

“I’m sorry, but I won’t do something that might make it worse,” Twilight said softly.

Derpy’s legs gave out and she collapsed to the floor, choking back a sob.  “You promised.”  She looked up at Twilight and sniffled.  “You promised you’d help.”

“But I don’t know what will happen.”

“Please, just try.  I can’t stand it anymore.  I just want to be like everyone else.”

“I-” Twilight started to argue again, but the sight of Derpy starting to cry was too much.  She sighed.  “I’ll do my best.”

It was difficult for Twilight to get the necessary reference books to perform the spell with Derpy following her around the room constantly thanking her, and more than once knocking something over.  However, in light of the conversation they’d just had, she couldn’t bring herself to tell Derpy to just sit down somewhere out of the way.

Eventually, and with only one bruise from a book being dropped on her, Twilight had all the information she needed to cast the spell.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Twilight asked.  “I don’t know what other effects it will have on you.”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, here goes.  Hold still.”  Twilight closed her eyes and focused her magic.  Derpy closed her eyes and waited, holding as still as she could.  A magical glow surrounded Twilight’s horn and Derpy’s entire head for a couple minutes, then faded away.

“Alright,” Twilight said, breathing heavily.  She opened her eyes and wiped some sweat off her forehead.  “I’ve done everything I can.  Open your eyes.”

Derpy opened her eyes and looked at Twilight.  With one eye.  The other one was looking at the floor.  Derpy squinted and blinked a few times, and slowly, ever so slowly, both eyes came to focus in the same direction.  Her jaw dropped and she blinked a few more times.  The largest smile Twilight had ever seen on a pony other than Pinkie Pie spread across Derpy’s face.

“Are you okay?” Twilight asked.  “Do you feel any different?  Other than your eyes, I mean.”

Derpy grabbed Twilight in a hug.  “Oh, thank you, Twilight!  This is wonderful!  Thank you thank you thank you!”

Twilight struggled to get free of Derpy’s grasp.  “Need... air....”

Derpy let her go.  “Sorry,” she said, smiling sheepishly.

“Are you okay?  I need to know if you’ve noticed any other changes.”

“I’m fine!” Derpy said sharply.  “You don’t have to keep asking.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that you hadn’t answered me yet,” Twilight said.

“You didn’t give me a chance to!  But I’m fine.  Everything’s great now!  I have to go tell everyone!”  Without giving Twilight a chance to say anything else, Derpy ran to the door and flew away.

The first pony Derpy wanted to tell was Rainbow Dash.  Unfortunately, the skies were clear, so there was no sign of a cloud for her to be sleeping on.  With no idea where to start looking, she went to Sugarcube Corner in the hopes that Pinkie Pie would know where she was.  Mr. and Mrs. Cake braced themselves when they saw her approach.  They relaxed, and were rather confused, when she landed just outside and walked in.

“Oh, hello dear,” Mrs. Cake said.  “Are you here for a muffin?”

Derpy rolled her eyes.  “No.  Why does everypony think they know what I want?”

“Well, it’s just that we’ve got a sign in the window that we’ve got a new kind of muffins, so I thought you might like to try one.”

“I, uh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t see that.  I’m here looking for Pinkie Pie.”

“I’m sorry, dear, she isn’t here.  She has the day off today, and I think she’s spending it with her friend Rainbow Dash.  She’ll probably be back soon for a snack if you wanted to wait for her.”

“No, but thank you.”  She turned to walk away.

“There’s something different about you today,” Mr. Cake said.

Derpy turned back to face him.  “Yeah, Twilight fixed my eyes, isn’t it great?”

“It sure is!  Does this mean no more crashing into things?” he asked hopefully.

Derpy’s eyes narrowed slightly at his tone.  “It should.”  Declining the Cakes’ offer for her to buy something, Derpy took to the skies again.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake looked at each other.

“Wow,” Mr. Cake said.  “I think that’s the least damaging visit we’ve ever gotten from that mare.”

Mrs. Cake nodded in agreement.

Derpy didn’t find Rainbow Dash until the next day, when Rainbow was moving some clouds into place over Ponyville.  When Rainbow saw Derpy approaching, she groaned quietly to herself.  She wasn’t quiet enough, and Derpy heard her.

Derpy pushed aside a sudden flash of anger.  “Hey, Rainbow Dash!  You don’t need to worry, Twilight fixed my eyes, I can see where I’m going now!”  To prove her point, she gracefully flew over and landed on a cloud nearby.

“Hey, that’s great!  I guess we won’t have to be rebuilding Town Hall the next time you help decorate, right?”

Derpy forced a smile and agreed.

“I mean, really,” Rainbow continued with a smile, showing her usual level of tact.  “That was a mess!  You managed to shock yourself with lightning and destroy the roof all in a few minutes!  I was really worried what you were going to break next!  But now we don’t have to worry about that anymore, that’s awesome!”

“Oh, like you’re that much better?” Derpy yelled.  “You crash all the time!  Why is it that I’m the one that gets picked on and laughed at, but you’re a big hero?  Clumsy ponies should be called ‘Dashie’ rather than ‘Derpy’ with how much of a mess you make of things!  At least I’ve never broken my own wing from crashing into the ground!”

Rainbow’s smile disappeared, and she landed on the cloud she had been pushing.  “Well, you- I-”

“See you later,” Derpy said angrily.  She flew away, leaving Rainbow still fumbling for an answer.

There was a knock at the library door.  Twilight opened it to find one of the most excitable ponies she’d ever known.

“Lyra!” she exclaimed, inviting the unicorn inside.  “I haven’t seen you recently, what brings you to the library?  Are you here to check out another book on musical theory?  Or maybe to bring back the last one you borrowed?”

“Oh, heh, sorry, I forgot.  I’ll bring it by tomorrow.  I just wanted to ask you about Derpy.  Is it true you cast a spell that fixed her?”

Twilight grimaced and answered hesitantly.  “I cast a spell that corrected her eyesight, yes.”

Lyra’s eyes lit up.  “If you can fix existing body parts, can you make-”

“No,” Twilight said flatly.

“Aw, but-”

“There is no spell that can do what you want.  It’s just not possible to cast a spell that turns an earth pony into a unicorn.”

Lyra frowned and drooped slightly.  After a second, she perked up a little bit.  “I bet Discord could do it,” she whispered to herself.

“What was that?” Twilight asked sharply.

“Nothing!  I guess that’s- well, I do actually want to ask you something else.”

“Go ahead,” Twilight said, hoping she wouldn’t get another ridiculous question about magic.

“That spell that you cast on Derpy, did it do anything other than fix her eyes?”

Twilight sighed.  “That’s hard to say, really.  Like I told her before I cast it, the pony brain is very complicated.  Changing one thing could change something else and we might not even notice at first.  Why do you ask?”

Lyra shifted her weight uncomfortably.  “Well, she’s kinda... mean now.  She made fun of me for my hobby.  Just laughed at me right in the street.  She wasn’t like that before.  Do you think... do you think you could undo the spell?”

“I should be able to, yes.”

Lyra grinned.  “Great!  I’ll get her back to the library tonight and you zap her with magic and everything will go back to normal!”

“Absolutely not.  It was her decision to make the change, and unless she wants to go back, I won’t do anything of the sort.  You’ll just have to learn to get along with her.  I seem to recall that it wasn’t that long ago you were laughing at her for being clumsy.”

“Just the one time,” Lyra mumbled.  “And I said I was sorry.”

“You know what they say, ‘turnabout is fair play.’  It may not be the nicest way to live, but it is fair.”

“I guess so,” Lyra said.  She walked to the door.  “I’ll bring that book back tomorrow.”

“Thank you.  Just talk to her about it,” Twilight said.  “Not every problem should be solved with magic.”

Lyra sighed.  “I know.”

One morning a couple weeks after the spell, Twilight heard a knock at the door.  She answered it to find Derpy standing outside.  She looked sad.

“Is something wrong?” Twilight asked.

Derpy nodded slightly.  “Can you help me?”

“You know I’ll do whatever I can,” Twilight said, letting the pegasus inside and closing the door behind her.  “What’s wrong?”

“No one likes me,” Derpy said quietly.

“That’s what you said the last time you were here,” Twilight said.

“This time is different.  I don’t like me either.”

“Why not?”

“I’m mean and angry now, and I don’t know why!  I make fun of ponies like they used to make fun of me, and I don’t like it!”

“It’s the spell,” Twilight said.  “Fixing your strabismus also changed your personality.”

“Can you undo it?”

Twilight thought for a second before answering.  “Yes.  But if I do, you’ll go back to the way you were before.  Your eyes and your personality.  You won’t be able to see as well anymore, and you’ll be clumsy again.”

“I’d rather be me than mean.”

“But then you won’t be like the other ponies anymore like you wanted.”

“I guess... I guess it’s a good thing to be different.  Besides, just because a lot of ponies act a certain way doesn’t mean it’s a good way to act.”

Twilight smiled.  “I agree.  Are you ready?”

“Don’t you need to study how to undo the spell?”

Twilight shook her head.  “I already did.  I was hoping you’d be back when I heard about what was going on.  Just because I spend most of my time in the library doesn’t mean I don’t know about things happening in town.”

Derpy glared at her.  “Oh, so you just sat here and waited when you knew you could fix everything?  Who do you think you are to toy with ponies’ lives?”

Twilight flinched, but kept an even tone as she replied.  “I’m your friend, and I would never make that kind of choice for you.  It’s been up to you to come back the whole time, like you did today.  Do you want me to undo the changes?”

“I’m sorry.  Please, I want to go back to the way I was before.”

“Alright, hold still.”  They both closed their eyes while Twilight cast the reversal spell.

After the magic faded, Derpy opened her eyes.  One eye focused on Twilight.  The other drifted up to look at the ceiling.  She smiled.

Performance

They waited.  That was always the worst part, the waiting.  Waiting meant time to think about what could happen.  Waiting meant wondering if it was going to sound right, even though that was foolish; they'd checked and rechecked to make sure they were ready.  Waiting meant wondering if the audience was even in the right mood for the music, even though once they started, they could shift the mood easily enough.  Waiting meant wondering if Pinkie Pie was there, even though... To be fair, that one could change the course of the evening.  Eventually, the wait was over.  The crowd grew quiet in anticipation.  There was no more time for wondering.  It was time.  They started the music.

Immediately, their worries were gone, replaced by the music. This was the moment they lived for, the chance to bare their souls to the audience through the music they played.  As they played, they watched the audience for their response.  Musical performance was more interactive than many realized; everything they did worked with the audience that night, and were the music listened to anywhere else, at any other time, it wouldn't be quite right.  But that night, working with the crowd, gradually shifting their mood with the music they played, it was perfect.

They smiled.  As always, they had performed impeccably.  The crowd had responded exactly as they had wanted to everything they'd played.  It was almost time.  They held the note, giving the audience that much more time to absorb the emotion.

She lowered the bow from her cello, and applause filled the sudden silence.

She dropped the bass, and the crowd went wild.