Matchmaker

by Babileilei

Rating: everyone
Tags: Soarin, Comedy, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Granny Smith, Main 6, Romance, Original Character
Length: 2733

Granny Smith hires the best matchmaker in Equestria to pair her two oldest grandchildren with their potential new mate.

Granny Smith raised her three grandchildren like they were her own. Now, she wants back in her investment. Hoping to help the process along, Granny Smith hires the best matchmaker in Equestria to pair her two oldest grandchildren with their potential new mate. Her plan is flawless...except for all the flaws.

Published 2013-02-14 19:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-14 19:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1 - The Plan Unfolds

Granny Smith hobbled her way into Apple Bloom's room, carrying her trusty old photo album along with her. She didn't bother to knock - the door was already open. The filly didn't notice her grandmother enter. She was busy digging in a chest that contained a lot of her childhood toys. Dolls, marbles, spinning tops, wooden toys, and colored blocks had been strewn all over the room in an apparent attempt to find one particular item.

But this was of no concern to Granny Smith. She heaved herself on Apple Bloom's bed, next to the chest, and placed the photo album open on her lap. Then, in a loud voice, she said, "Come on, Half Pint, it's time ta hear stories 'bout your Granny when she was a filly!"

She was unaware that she had startled Apple Bloom, causing the young filly to jump three feet in the air. Granny Smith reached out and dragged the young filly over to sit on the bed with her. She put her forelegs around Apple Bloom, trapping her in a vice grip. "Now, this here is Uncle Strudel and me when Ah helped him plant his orchard. Crazy old stallion, that one. Went through all that work and didn't even tend the orchards himself. He'd rather have other ponies do the work for him while he spends all day whippin' up treats in the kitchen! Some of them ain't that good. Chipotle avocado dumplin's? Made ponies sick just lookin' at the darn things! Makes a great strudel, though. Go, figure."

"Granny!" Apple Bloom said, squirming as she tried to pry herself away from the old mare's vice-like grip. "Ah can't do story time right now! Mah friends and Ah are gunna catch frogs at Froggy Bottom Bog!"

"Oh, you can try and get a cutie mark in frog catchin' some other time," Granny Smith said, waving a hoof dismissively. "This here's important."

"Yes, Granny," Apple Bloom said, trying to sound patient. "Ah guess lookin' through the family album...again...and hearing these, er, GREAT stories about how the apple orchards of Equestria came to be...again...is somethin' really important! But we're not tryin' to get a cutie mark with that! Scootaloo was talkin' about doin' it once before and how fun it was. So, now Ah'm looking for a net."

"Hmm, you youngun's with your playin' in the mud. Got plenty of mud on the farm! Don't need to go all the way to the bog just to play around. Can be dangerous, too. Why don't you just stay here and play." She poked a doll strewn on the bed with her hoof, causing it to squeak. "Play with your dolls in the house. Ah'll make you some nice cookies with chocolate milk."

"Oh, Granny, the Cutie Mark Crusaders don't play around with dolls. It's BORIN'! We wanna do somethin' fun!" At this, Apple Bloom pried herself away from her grandmother's grip and went back to search through her toys.

"Well, then iffn you're set in your thoughts, it'd be best if Ah go with you. Ah took on Timberwolves in mah day, after all!" She got up, every bone creaking with age. Her joints popped as she stretched. Then, in slow motion, she flailed her limbs in an attempt to show off her fighting moves. "Any creature tries to go after mah grandchild, he'll think twice! OW! Mah back! Mah back!" She teetered back onto the bed.

"Granny!" Apple Bloom said, helping her grandmother lay down properly to rest her back. "You gotta be more careful! You're not as young as ya used ta be, you know?"

Granny Smith rubbed her back, grumbling to herself as she looked around the room - the childhood toys she hadn't seen in years; the changing decorations that came with the different interests Apple Bloom was developing; the height chart for the young filly marking off her growth spurts through the years. "Neither are you, child," she muttered, patting Apple Bloom just before the bow that adorned her head. "Neither are you."

-=-=-=-=-

Granny Smith was quiet most of the day. Not that her grandchildren noticed. She watched as Apple Bloom galloped off with her friends, talking happily over the adventure they were going to have before getting out of ear shot, and eventually, disappearing off into the distance. She watched as Applejack worked diligently in the fields, stopping occasionally to meet with her friends as they passed through the property - they were apparently planning a big event that Granny Smith knew nothing about. And she watched as Big Macintosh walked off with a cart full of apples and goods to sell in town.

Sure, she got to spend some time with Applejack and Apple Bloom when they made the baked goods together, but the time was excruciatingly short, and Apple Bloom dominated the conversation, talking up a storm to her big sister.

Granny Smith didn't mind that the three siblings were living their own lives - it should have been that way! But she was getting older and she didn't know how much more time she would have. Nopony ever did. And so, it was then that her thoughts started to turn to figuring out a solution.

She was quiet the rest of the day, deep in thought.

And nopony noticed.

She was quiet during dinner prep. Apple Bloom came home around that time, smelling of bog water and looking thoroughly dejected at having not caught any frogs. Applejack sent her to go clean up, while Big Macintosh set the dinner table. Granny Smith watched them in silence.

And nopony noticed.

They all sat down at the dinner table. It was rather loud, all but for Granny Smith. Apple Bloom was in the middle of regaling her family in her latest adventure, informing them how Sweetie Belle took a nose dive into the mud, and a frog landed on her head, but when Scootaloo went to catch it, the frog hopped off and she netted Sweetie Belle's head instead. Everypony laughed. Except Granny Smith.

And nopony noticed.

"Well, Ah'm sure Rarity is gunna be thrilled 'bout that," Applejack muttered under her breath. "Apple Bloom, next time you want to go to Froggy Bottom Bog, ask me first. No tellin' if that Hydra is still there, and we don't need nothin' happenin' to anypony in this family. Ya hear?"

"Yeah..." Apple Bloom said, pushing her food around on her plate and frowning. "But nothin' happened!"

"We wanna keep it that way," Applejack said, looking sternly at Apple Bloom. Then she looked to Big Macintosh. "How'd sales go today?"

"Fine," he said, nodding.

"Any complaints about the pies today? Ah hate it when Ah overwork the dough."

"EeNope."

"Good. Ah was worried for a second. Thought Ah was losin' mah touch."

"Got a request," Big Macintosh said. "Apple muffins."

"Apple Muffins," Applejack said, putting a hoof to her chin in thought. "That oughta be mighty nice. Change a pace. Maybe Ah'll make a few and see how they sell."

Apple Bloom giggled. "Was that Derpy who asked for it?"

Big Macintosh nodded. "But some other ponies nearby seemed interested."

"Good," Applejack said, nodding to herself as she made some mental notes. "Ah think Ah have a recipe Ah ain't tried, yet, for Apple Cinnamon Muffins. That oughta do. Maybe you can help me, AB?"

"Sure!"

"And we gotta clear out that field we left fallow last year. Somehow, during Winter Wrap Up, it got forgotten. Don't see how that happened, 'less Ah forgot to tell Twilight it needed to get done and it didn't make it on the list..."

"These things happen," Big Macintosh said.

"Well, a little extra work ain't hurt nopony yet," Applejack said. "You know, we should start workin' on the West Orchard soon. It's gettin' a bit over--"

"Oh, 'nuff of this nonsense!" Interrupted the shrill voice of Granny Smith, making everypony else jump, and creating a racket as forks and knives fell from their wielders and into the plates below them. "Ah want some great grandkids! When were y'all thinking of gettin' started on that?"

The room fell completely silent.

Everypony noticed this time.

After a moment, Applejack started stammering, trying to come up with an answer, but still not quite comprehending the question. Big Macintosh just stared at his grandmother. If his coat wasn't so red, surely he would have been seen blushing. Apple Bloom just stared between the two, confused.

"Great grandkids?" Apple Bloom said, crinkling her nose as though the thought threatened to make her sneeze. "Granny, y'already got grandkids!"

"Exactly!" Applejack said, trying to ignore the burning sensation that told her she was blushing. "And we've got work to do! We ain't got time for...thinkin' bout...that." She sank back into her chair, trying to will the heat away from her face. Big Macintosh nodded vehemently in agreement.

"Ya ain't got time for nothin'!" Granny Smith said. "Y'all don't even got...whatdya call 'em these days? Sig-ni-fi-cant others or what not." She pointed an accusing fork at Big Macintosh. "Ya had me goin' with that Cheerilee. Nice earth pony and all - woulda been good for the farm! She's practically part of the family already what with bein' Apple Bloom's teacher!" Granny Smith didn't notice how Apple Bloom was sinking down deeper into her chair, and the look she was receiving from her two older siblings. "But that went nowhere fast! Now look at ya! Ain't got nowhere to go on a Saturday night!"

"We're still friends," Big Macintosh answered in as non-whiney a way as possible. If a pony didn't know him well, they wouldn't have known he was using a defensive tone at all.

"Granny, that wasn't really--" Applejack started to say.

"And you!" Granny Smith said, looking to the blonde pony. "Ah never see you with nopony but your friends! You're not a filly anymore! Ya gotta think 'bout your future! Gotta think 'bout who's gunna help you run the place when Ah'm gone! Do ya think your friends are gunna stay around and help? They got their own dreams to take care of! You gotta do what's right for the farm! Ah don't see why ya never even try ta go out on dates."

Applejack laughed nervously. "N-now, Granny. It ain't nothin'. Ah'm just busy on the farm most of the time! Ah AM doin' what's right for the farm."

"Ya can't depend on the rest of the Apple family to drop what they're doin' ta help you out. Remember that Apple Buck season?"

Applejack groaned and put a hoof to her head, muttering, "Nopony's ever gunna let me live that down, will they?"

"Granny," Big Macintosh interjected. While he would tease his sister every once in a while just to annoy her, he didn't like to see her so uncomfortable when somepony else did it. Even his own grandmother. "It ain't easy findin' somepony."

"How can it not be easy?!" Granny Smith said, lifting her hooves up and throwing them up in the air like she was asking the sky to answer her. The only answer she got was the popping noises in her joints. "Especially for you, grandson! Ponyville is full of mares. Ah bet they're all just dyin' for you ta be on the market!"

Apple Bloom was trying to keep from giggling. Her normally stoic older brother looked absolutely flabbergasted.

Applejack put up a hoof to try and grasp a hold of the conversation. "Now, Granny, you know as well as Ah do that Big Mac is shy. He'll know when he likes somepony, and then Ah'm sure he'll do somethin' 'bout it."

"Why don't ya go after one of Applejack's friends," Granny Smith said, not noticing the looks her grandchildren gave her - Applejack, a look of shock and dismay; Apple Bloom, a look of contemplation; and Big Macintosh just looked thoroughly embarrassed.

"Just not Rarity," Apple Bloom said, leaning to her brother as though whispering to him. "Or Rainbow Dash. Sweetie and Scoots would never let me live it down."

"Oh, wait, now!" Applejack said in annoyance, finally losing her patience, but trying to remember to be respectful of her grandmother. She took a moment to breath, before continuing. "We don't gotta go settin' him up with any of mah friends and make things all weird."

"Well, he ain't doin' nothin' 'bout fixin' himself up," Granny Smith said, looking her grandson over. "That Pinkie Pie is an earth pony, might wanna think about that. Bit crazy in the head, but we all got a little crazy in us. 'Specially in this family."

Apple Bloom put a hoof over her mouth to try and hide her smile from her siblings, "Pinkie's got more crazy in her than every other pony in Ponyville combined."

Applejack scoffed. "We are NOT settin' up Big Macintosh with Pinkie Pie!"

"Well, maybe you should make some more friends," Granny Smith said, putting a hoof to her chin.

Applejack was having trouble trying to figure out what to say next. Every possibility had tried to come out of her mouth at the same time, but that caused the words to get lodged in her throat. Rather than continuing in an intelligible manner, Applejack just sat there with her mouth open, trying to will the words to come out.

Big Macintosh cleared his throat, looking down at his food. "What's wrong with a non-Earth pony?"

"YEAH!" Applejack managed to say, slumping back in her seat from the effort of managing to slip a word out.

"Earth ponies have the magic for farm work," Granny Smith said in a matter of fact tone. Then she sighed. "Oh, all them apples that have fallen from the tree every time that rainbow headed friend of yours comes flyin' through..."

Applejack frowned. "Now, Ah know Rainbow Dash annoys you a bit, Granny, but--"

"And remember what happened when Twilight used that magic of hers during Winter Wrap up?"

Big Macintosh came to the defense this time, "She was tryin' ta help."

"It's just better for the farm to have earth ponies tendin' to it," Granny Smith said, causing both her older grandchildren to glower at what she had said. "Well, we'll think of somethin' for you. Now, Applejack, Ah understand it might be harder for you. There ain't that many Stallions in Ponyville fit for a nice mare like you."

Apple Bloom sighed. "Yeah, all the good ones are taken."

Applejack was trapped between being the new focus of Granny Smith's match making and the implication of what Apple Bloom had said. "Errr...uh, what now?"

Granny Smith put a napkin around her neck like a bib, readying to eat her meal. "But Ah think we can find you a nice stallion if we look hard enough."

"Stallion?" Applejack said, her face falling.

"Ah got it," Granny Smith said, a light bulb nearly visible over her head. "Ah'll set ya up with a matchmaker! Oh, and Ah know just the pony, too! Heart Throb set me up with your grandpapi years ago! We still keep in touch! She's the best in all of Equestria!"

"Stallion?!" Applejack was still saying, not realizing she had gotten up and holding herself up in a standing position on the table.

Big Macintosh's eye twitched at everything he had just heard.

"A...are you okay, big brother?" Apple Bloom asked. "Ya look ready to cry..."

"It's settled, then" Granny Smith said, finally carving into her meal with her knife. "Tomorrow, Ah'll send for Heart Throb, and see if she can fix mah two oldest grandchildren up with their future spouses." She smiled, as she lifted her food to her mouth, then stopped half way. "Fergot mah teeth." She got up and started walking out the room. Just before leaving, she called back, "Applejack, sit back down before ya hurt yourself."

Slowly, Applejack lowered herself back onto her seat, staring off in horror at what she had just been told. Big Macintosh's eye was still twitching.

Apple Bloom looked between her two siblings. "...just to get it straight, she ain't fixin' me up, is she?"

"N-no, AB," Applejack said, shaking her head to snap herself out of her daze. "Not at all."

"Good!" Apple Bloom ate with a renewed gusto as her siblings stared off into the distance, contemplating their future as though it were their impending demise.