This Isn't One of Your Romance Novels

Chapters

An Old Friend, A New Idea
Preparations
Date Night (now with a better ending)
Epilogue: An Afternoon with Octavia

An Old Friend, A New Idea

Dear Arthur,

This little crush you have had on me for the past year has been as obvious as Spike’s crush on Rarity. Although unlike that crush, you actually have a chance with this mare. I was wondering if you were going to ask me at all to be honest, but to answer your question, yes. I would be delighted to accompany you on a date. Meet me at the library this Friday at seven.
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle

You read the letter again, your mind refusing to believe what your eyes were seeing. You didn’t expect a yes; heck you didn’t even expect a reply back even. After you delivered the book and the initial high of doing something monumentally stupid had worn off, you started thinking of how to back out of it. You were trying to decide between extensive plastic surgery or moving all the way to Appaloosa (or maybe both) to get away from this predicament when the mailmare came. Or more literally, the mailmare came crashing through your roof. Sigh, Ditzy Doo could be a hooffull sometimes couldn’t she?

So here you were; you had gotten a response from Twilight, a pony-shaped hole had been made in your roof, and a new realization dawning on your already volatile state.

Oh Celestia, I’ve never been on an actual date before!

Not that there was anything wrong with you, you assured yourself quickly. You were a nice colt, perhaps a bit bookish and maybe, possibly, a teensy bit reclusive…ok you didn’t get out much at all. How could you though? Your very nature compelled you to write, and that usually kept you near your typewriter most of the time. And you couldn’t exactly lug a typewriter to and from anywhere that easily, so you were usually confined to your house.

And even when you did go out you didn’t talk much. At Twilight’s welcome party you played the role of a wallflower quite well. Nopony really bothered you, except the usual drunken Berry Punch and Pinkie’s guest checks. Nope, nopony bothered you. Not even Cheerilee, your best friend. Was she even there? You didn’t know, even if she was you were too busy staring at that one flight of stairs all night.

You let out a groan in frustration. How in Celestia’s name were you going to pull this off? Somehow, either by dumb luck or divine intervention, you were set up with a date with the mare of your dreams, but you didn’t have a clue what to do. Friday, she said the date was Friday. That gives me…a day and a half to come up with something.

You pranced on your hooves a little, trying to work out the building anxiety with spontaneous exercise, or maybe it was dancing? No, you remembered couldn’t dance; it looked more like you were trying to shake spiders off your legs when you tried. Ok, no dancing. You turned around, unexpectedly coming face to face with Ditzy Doo.

“Gah!” you yelped in surprise, falling backwards. She hasn’t left yet? Another groan of frustration escaped you.

Ditzy just smiled and looked at you. Well she looked at you and a portion of the wall to her right. Seriously, you could not get used to those eyes no matter how hard you tried. “Muffin?” she asked, extending a muffin that looked oddly familiar to you.

“Ditzy Doo,” you start. “Were you eating my muffins? Again?”

The mare nodded her head enthusiastically, her smile not fading. She once again extended the delicious baked treat in your direction. Not seeing much of an option you take it from her and set it aside. “Say, don’t you have a route to finish?” you ask innocently. She just nodded quickly and took off through the hole she had just made.

Finally, some space to think. Usually you wouldn’t have been so eager to shoo her away, but then again you weren’t exactly having a normal day anymore. Ok, I need to think of something, anything. What can we do? Ugh, c’mon Arthur you’re a smart pony, think of something! You gritted your teeth and shut your eyes tight, trying everything in your power to coax one ounce of brilliance out of the depths of your mind.

Seconds passed with nothing, eventually bleeding into minutes of fruitless efforts. With a sigh, you conceded defeat, for now at least. You look at the ground, Twilight’s letter resting at your hooves, the innocent words mocking you with promises of a potentially perfect evening if you could think of something to do.

That’s it; I need to get away from here. You stamp your hooves to emphasize this, although the act would have looked silly if anypony was watching, since nopony could read your thoughts. You look at the new mare-shaped skylight in your ceiling as you trot to the door. Screw it, I’ll fix it later. And with that thought you exit your home and make your way to your favorite thinking place in Ponyville.

The bar.

Not that you were an alcoholic or anything. Far from it actually, you couldn’t stand anything that smelled or tasted of the disgusting substance. But at two in the afternoon the bar was utterly deserted except for the barmare or barcolt on duty at the time. The quiet clinking of glasses and the white noise of some kind of radio show in the background somehow always put you in a Zen state of mind.

You look down to your drink; double shot of water, on the rocks, your usual order. This was the other reason you came to the bar when it was deserted; it was bad enough the barpony would snicker and make a snarky remark at your choice of drink, you couldn’t imagine what other ponies would say if they were around. You sighed; even your favorite spot in town was causing you to draw blanks in the ideas department. Well, things are sure looking up for me. You take a big gulp of your drink. Looks like for once, I need help, but who can I ask? I don’t really have any friends I can talk to.

As sad as it was, in your entire life you had only managed to make two real friends that lasted. Oh sure, you had acquaintances but you and they never really stayed in enough contact to be considered ‘friends.’ The only friend you really had in Ponyville was Cheerilee, but she was busy teaching right now. Your other friend was-

“Arthur!”

You jumped, not expecting anypony else to come into the bar, let alone one that recognized you. Turning around, you saw the last mare you ever expected to see; your first, and closest, friend Octavia Philharmonica.

“Octy?” you asked, your voice calm despite the shock you just received. Your eyes were wide at the sight of your foalhood friend standing just inside the door.

The grey mare laughed, “I’m surprised you still remember me. I haven’t seen you since you moved away from Canterlot.”

“Likewise…” You could only watch in disbelief as she trotted towards you and took the stool next to you. You still couldn’t believe that it was her. Like she said, you haven’t seen her since you moved away from Canterlot a few years ago. Your spirits drop a little when you remember the day you decided to move to Ponyville. You wouldn’t miss Canterlot in the least bit, bunch of stuck up aristocratic ponies that would constantly criticize your stories.

No, instead you would miss the one friend you had since foalhood; Octavia. You remember when you told her, right after one of her concerts. She had just told you about her and Vinyl moving in together. It hurt you that you had to counter good news with bad, but she understood that Canterlot wasn’t for you.

It was so long ago, and although you tried your best to stay in touch, life got in the way and you didn’t talk to her much anymore. But now…she couldn’t really be here could she? You reach out with your hoof and prod her side rather forcibly to investigate.

“Ow! What was that about?” she asked, rubbing her side with an annoyed look on her face. Yep, she was definitely real alright.

“Sorry,” you say. “I had to make sure you were real.”

“Why wouldn’t I be real?” Her annoyed look morphed into a humored smile. “All that water you’ve been drinking starting to affect your vision?” Your eyes narrowed at her snarky remark. Well, Octy is the same, but this sense of humor of hers is new.

Smirking, you lean back and stare at her flank. In a completely non perverted way of course, she was your best friend after all and that would just be awkward.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” she asked, turning her flank away from you. She had a rather stern look on her face.

You chuckle; “Well looks like Vinyl was finally able to pull that stick out of your rump. You actually have some humor in you now.” You lean back over your drink and flash a grin.

“Well, when you live with somepony for a while they do tend to rub off on you,” she said dismissively. “Although I suppose it’s a little one-sided right now. She’s rubbed off on me a little but I still can’t get her to do anything sophisticated. Sometimes I wonder what I see in that delinquent I call a marefriend.” Ah, there’s the old stuck up Octy showing through.

You just give her a nod. “You and she balance each other quite well actually; I really think she’s what you needed.” You look back at your drink with a sigh.

“Hey, something up?”

“No, it’s just; I’ve been under a lot of stress recently,” you reply. You look down at your glass again before taking another gulp of water.

“Stress huh?” she asked as she ordered a glass of Jura whiskey (no ice of course). “What kind of “stress” are you under now Pages?” You smile a little at her use of your childhood nickname.

“Well if you must know,” you say, dragging out each word longer than you intended to. “I’ve got a date with somepony.”

Her eyes widen a little. “You have a…date?” She smirked at you; “Well look at that, little Pages is finally becoming a colt.”

“Low blow Octy, low blow.” You sigh a little, causing your glass to fog up. She knew all too well your history with romance, in that there was no history. “But yeah, I have a date tomorrow at seven.”

“Soooooo,” she started, “are you going to tell me who it’s with or what?” She had an eager look in her eyes as she leaned closer to you.

“…her name is Twilight Sparkle…”

Octavia almost fell out of her barstool at the mention of the name. Once she recovered, she started laughing. “Celestia's student? Haha, good one Pages, but seriously, who is it?”

You remained silent, just looking at her with a stoic look on your face. This seemed to convince her as you watched her eyes widen then return to normal. She shoots you a smile before she speaks again. “Well, this is quite the surprise now isn’t it?”

“You’re telling me, I couldn’t be happier actually.” You let out another sigh; “But it’s caused so much stress in such a short time that I can’t think straight.”

“Let me guess, you don’t know what you and her are going to do.” It was more of a statement, and you couldn’t help but smile a little at how well she knew you, even if you haven’t seen each other in years.

“Am I still that easy to read?” you ask her.

“Easier to read than that gibberish you call stories are,” she replies smartly, a slight but noticeable grin appearing on her face.

“Oh sure, kick a colt while he’s down.”

“Calm down, I’m just kidding.” She takes a drink of her whiskey, seeming to savor the beverage. You shuddered slightly as you imagined what the drink would taste like. Disgusting. “Have you tried asking her friends what she might enjoy?”

The question caught you off guard; all you could do was offer a slack-jawed expression and a single word. “Huh?”

Octavia face-hoofed, “Her friends you silly colt. Who better to ask about something she might enjoy than the ponies closest to her?”

Her words sank into your skull, but you still held the slack-jawed stare. Slowly the wheels in your head started to turn like they usually do, and an idea started to formulate. Of course! You slam your hooves down on the table in your newfound excitement, earning you a cold glare from the barcolt that was on duty.

“Octy, you’re a genius!” you exclaim.

She just sighed and smiled, “No, I’m just able to think for you sometimes. Now don’t you have ponies to go talk to? Daylight’s burning.” She held a satisfied grin on her face as she took another sip of her drink.

“Ohmygosh you’re right!” You clumsily stand up, knocking over the bar stool and nearly tripping yourself in the process. The barcolt just gives you another cold glare, clearly not amused with your antics. You lay a few bits on the bar (the water was free, but you wanted to at least tip the colt for having to clean up after you) and were just about to rush out of the establishment when a single thought crossed your mind. Pausing at the door, you turn to your friend who was looking at her half-empty drink.

“Hey Octy?” you ask.

“Hmm?” she replies, halfway turning her head towards you.

“What brings you to Ponyville? I mean, I’m really glad to see you again, and I feel bad for bailing on you like this, but I thought you were busy with your ensemble.” You rub the back of your neck with your hoof as you talk, feeling a little dumb that you didn’t ask this earlier.

Octavia just smiled at you warmly, knowing exactly what you were thinking. To her, you were always an open book. “Well since you asked,” she said, suppressing a chuckle, “The ensemble took a week off. As to why I’m in Ponyville, I wanted to see an old friend again.”

Your jaw dropped slightly at her answer, but it quickly changed into a warm smile. “Thanks Octy, you’re the best.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” she replied sarcastically.

Heh, looks like Vinyl has affected her more than she wants to admit. You open the door to the bar and turn back to Octavia one last time. “Are you going to be in town much longer?”

“I’ll still be here after you’re date is over with. Now get out of here Pages, you’ve got a mare to impress.” She waved her hoof to shoo you out of the bar.

“Ok, I’ll see you later then.” And with that you exited the bar to begin your plans for the next night.

Preparations

Ok, so Octy gave me a good idea, her friends of all people would know what she likes. Only one problem with this brilliant plan; I don’t know any of her friends either. You let out another sigh (there seemed to be a common theme occurring with your day now) and stop. You had made a grand total of fifteen steps away from the bar before this thought crossed your mind.

You glanced around at your surroundings; Ponyville Town Square, your usual spot for when you weren’t tied to your typewriter. Being the middle of the afternoon, there weren’t a lot of ponies around, all of them either working or going to school. So it was pretty much just you and your thoughts standing there. Celestia help you, you looked like an idiot.

Well, I guess I could just go to the closest place to me and start from there. A logical choice and much better than standing in the town square all day. Looking around, this time actually noting where things were, you made for your first destination.

Carousel Boutique.

You trotted up to Ponyville’s center for fashion cautiously; you hardly knew Rarity, the owner and proprietor of said establishment, but you heard stories about how she could get when put under pressure, especially if the pressure was from some high-ranking Canterlot pony.

Slowly pressing an ear to the store’s door you listened for any sign of chaos; whether it be crashing, shouting or ripping of fabric. You hastily retracted your head from the door when all seemed quiet, fully aware that someone who didn’t know what you were doing would mistake you either for a creep or a burglar pony. Raising your hoof, you knock three times.

“Come on in darling, it’s a store, not a house!” you hear a voice from the other side say.

Oh, right.

Rarity didn’t sound stressed at least, so you decided it was safe to go inside.

Stepping inside the lavish boutique for the first time ever, you were surprised at how calm everything seemed. From stories you’ve heard around town, the shop sounded like it was in a constant flurry of design and creativity. But either the stories were only exaggerations, or today was an odd day for the shop. Regardless, the mare you came to talk to was trotting into the room you were in. Her eyes lit up at the sight of you.

“Oh, Arthur!” she exclaimed, a joyous smile on her face. You couldn’t be sure, but her eyes seemed to be glimmering with excitement as well. “What brings you here to my little shop?”

Little shop? This place is huge! You clear your throat before speaking. “Uh,” you mumble. Great start. “I’m actually here to talk about my date tomorrow. I-”

Your words were cut off by a delighted squeal coming from Rarity. “Oh I just knew you were going to come by. After all if one is to properly court a mare they must of course wear the proper attire.”

“Rarity?” you ask. The mare didn’t seem to hear you however, as she kept going on with what she was saying.

“Oh and you’ll look so handsome in what I have in mind. Oh and of course I’ll have to make something for Twilight as well to go along with it. Oh it will be simply marvelous-“

“Rarity?!” you ask louder this time, trying to get her to listen to you.

“-and then your date will go so well and you two will fall in love! Oh and then there’s the wedding of course and I’m already ahead on the designs for that and-“

“RARITY!” you finally yell, forgoing all politeness so you could be heard. She stopped talking and gave you a look of sheer annoyance.

“Well, you don’t have to shout,” she replied flatly. You groan and rub your head with your hoof.

“Sorry Rarity, I didn’t mean to yell,” you apologize. “I appreciate what you want to do for me, but that’s not why I’m here.” She looked at you quizzically, and you could only guess that she was thinking something along the lines of ‘If you aren’t here for clothes, why are you in a dress-making shop?’ “I need…advice,” you finish telling her.

“Advice?” she asks, tilting her head to the side slightly. “Advice for what exactly?”

“Advice for…” you swallow a lump that had appeared in your throat, “…dating.”

You felt incredibly embarrassed for some weird reason, like maybe you were asking something you shouldn’t have been. This was quickly dismissed when Rarity gave you a reassuring smile.

“Oh darling, you don’t give yourself enough credit,” she responds. Confusion must have been clearly written on your face, as she went on to explain what she meant. “The way you asked Twilight for this date was perfect for her. You really impressed her actually, to know her well enough to ask her with something she loves.”

You look down at the floor, feeling a little pride in the compliment, but at the same time you knew it was just dumb luck that it happened.

“But if its advice you want, I’d be more than happy to help out,” she finishes. You look back up at her and nod enthusiastically. Maybe now I can actually get somewhere.

“Thank you Rarity,” you say as you trot over to a nearby table.

“Think nothing of it darling,” she replies dismissively, waving a hoof. “Now do you have any idea on what you want the date to be like?”

You shake your head no.

“Well, let’s start with something simple then. Do you want it to be fancy or something a little simpler?”

“Definitely simple,” you reply quickly. “I got enough “fancy” back when I lived in Canterlot. Never. Again,” you say, banging your hoof on the table for emphasis. You saw Rarity open her mouth to speak, but you stopped her by holding your hoof up. “I’ll tell you some other time, ok? Right now can we focus on this please? Last thing I want is for the date to go badly and get sent to the moon by Celestia.”

Rarity giggled at this notion. “Oh don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?” You sigh and then nod. “Ok, so nothing fancy. How about just a nice dinner at a café or the like? It’s still traditional and it’s informal as well.”

You shake your head; “No, I feel like that’s too over done. I want to at least try to be original for her.”

Rarity taped a hoof to her chin in contemplation. You sigh, a little relieved that she didn’t say a snarky comment to you. The irony of wanting to be original and then using another pony’s idea was not lost on you. Thank Celestia Octy, or worse Vinyl, isn’t here right now.

“How about a starlit picnic darling?” Your ears perked up at this idea. Well, there’s something I haven’t heard done a lot. You mulled the idea over in your head. You knew Twilight loved the night sky, or you could guess she had a fascination with it considering the size of the telescope she had on the library’s balcony. And the picnic part was far from formal, just how you liked it.

“Sounds like a good idea Rarity,” you confirm to the mare. “But how would I set it up?”

“Oh, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how easy it will be,” she said knowingly, a sly smile appearing at the corners of her mouth. You were about to ask what she meant when she cut you off with a wave of her hoof. “Now run along dear, you have to go about setting this date up after all.”

With a nod and a quick thank you, you make your way to the exit.

No sooner than you opened the door were you assaulted by what seemed to be a pink blur. You were knocked flat on your back by whatever it was, your vision blurring and your head spinning.

“Surprise!” it shouted as it bounced eagerly by your side. Pinkie Pie? Your vision started to clear up now. Indeed it was Pinkie Pie that had assaulted you.

You were even more surprised, as it wasn’t just Pinkie Pie outside the shop, but Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash as well. Rarity came trotting up behind you, looking down at you with the same smile she had when you left.

“I told you that you’d be pleasantly surprised,” she said almost in a sing song voice.

“Yeah, I am surprised actually,” you say as you right yourself. “But what are you girls doing here?”

Before anypony could answer, Pinkie Pie interjected.

“WELL the author got lazy because he didn’t know what he was going to do for this so instead of you coming to find us he decided to bring all of us to you and we’re all going to help you on your date!”

You blinked. Confused was too weak of a word to describe what you felt at her energetic and utterly nonsensical answer.

“Uh, Pinkie? I’m the author and I didn’t do anything of the sort,” you reply.

“Oh, not YOU,” she said as if it were obvious. “I mean the AUTHOR author.” She smiled widely at everypony, and everypony looked at her like she had grown an extra head. What does she think this is? Some sort of badly written story or something?

“Anyhoo,” Applejack spoke up after a lengthy silence. “Like Pinkie said, we’re here to help ya sugarcube.”

You remained silent, partly because you were too shocked to say anything and partly to see if anypony else was going to speak up.

Silence.

Finally, you speak up. “Ok, how are you all going to help me exactly?”

“Well, long story short, we’re gonna give ya’ll what you need for this picnic thing you got planned. Ah got the food covered.”

“I got the desserts!” Pinkie chipped in.

“I’ve got your back on weather duty. Clear skies all around!” Rainbow Dash declared proudly.

“Oh, uh, I’m not sure what I can do,” Fluttershy meekly admitted. “But, uh, I’m sure I can think of something. Oh you’re not mad at me are you? Please don’t be mad at me!”

Again, you just stood there and blinked.

“Girls,” you say, “it’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’re doing. Please, don’t take it that way. But uh, do I actually have any control over this date anymore?”

Rarity scoffed at you. “Of course you do darling, we just gave you what you needed for the affair. Making Twilight happy rests fully in your hooves.”

“Yeah! So don’t mess it up or we’ll get Celestia to banish you to the moon!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Forever!” Pinkie Pie added.

Ok, not cool. Your knees were now shaking at the thought of spending eternity on the moon. So not cool girls. Applejack just put a hoof over your shoulder to calm you down.

“Relax sugarcube, Celestia won’t banish you for a bad date." She shot a glare in Rainbow Dash's direction. "Just, don’t go frettin’ none, ya’ll will do fine.”

“And just remember, you break Twilight’s heart, and I’ll break you.” All eyes turned to Rainbow Dash. “What? I will," she replied with a shrug. "Loyalty and all that junk.”

Rarity just rolled her eyes before addressing you. “Don’t worry darling, you’ll do fine. And don’t mind Rainbow Dash,” she shot a glare at the cyan mare, “she’s just looking out for her friend, we all are. Now go, we have everything covered. You look like you need to relax a bit.”

You shakily nodded before slowly walking away from the cluster of mares. Once you were far enough away, you could hear them whispering something about tomorrow night. Oh well, back to the bar I guess.

You pushed the doors to the bar open, finding it strangely deserted considering it was now six in the evening. Usually it at least had three or four patrons, but the only other ponies in there were the barcolt, and…

Octy?

Octavia sat at the bar still, even after you had been gone for a few hours. Beside her were two empty glasses, and she was now drinking her third glass of whiskey. She must not have heard you come in, or she just assumed it was one of the first patrons coming in for the night, because she didn’t turn around to investigate who just came in.

You trot up and take the stool next to her, causing her to jump in surprise. The barcolt looked at you and smirked as he started to grab you a glass of water. At least this time he didn’t laugh.

“Pages?” Octavia asked, her words slurring slightly. She wasn’t quite drunk, but she was most definitely tipsy to say the least. “What’re you doing back here; I thought you went on a pony hunt for your date’s friends.” She raised her glass for another sip, but decided against it.

“I found them,” you replied. “Or one of them at least. The others kind of found me.” You sighed as the barcolt set your drink in front of you.

“Aaaaaaand?” Octavia asked, leaning in close to you. She displayed remarkable balance even when inebriated. “What happened?”

“They kind of set up my entire night for me; food, weather, what we are going to do, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they picked out a spot to do it all in,” you admit. “Honestly, I feel like it was out of my hooves to begin with.”

Octavia smirked. “Well what about the actual date part? They aren’t going to feed you lines are they?”

You chuckled, finally starting to feel comfortable again.

“No, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Pinkie Pie were to be hiding in the bushes with cue cards or something.” The mental image of the pink pony doing just that made you laugh quite loudly.

“From what Vinyl tells me about her, that would be the tamest thing that she would do,” Octavia remarks. “It doesn’t surprise me that they were best friends a while back honestly.” You nod in agreement.

Silence. You stared down at your drink.

“You look nervous, Pages,” Octavia remarked. “Worried about what will happen still?”

You could only nod in response, which brought Octavia to put a comforting hoof across your shoulder.

“Don’t worry, you’ll do fine,” she said. “You may not know much about romance, but you sure did know how to have fun. I’m willing to bet you haven’t changed all that much.”

“But-“ you start, before being cut off by Octavia.

“No buts,” she said sternly. “Here’s my advice to you. The moment you stop being yourself, you’ve already ruined the night, if for nopony else but yourself. We have been told from all these cheesy romance novels and fairy tales about how mares want a big strong stallion to come sweep them off their hooves and carry them away to happily ever after.”

She twisted your head so you were looking at her in the eyes.

“Here’s the truth about romance Pages. There is no perfect anything. No perfect stallion, no perfect mare, and certainly no happily ever after. Romance is tough. It’s a give and take. The key to being happy is to be yourself and hope the other pony accepts you for it. The other pony should likewise do the same for you; otherwise it is doomed to fail from the start.”

You were about to say something in response before she put a hoof to your mouth.

“I’m not done yet.”

You rolled your eyes. She always manages to bring her soapbox with her no matter where she goes.

“Just. Be. Yourself. If it was you that got this date with Twilight, then you should be the one to show up, not some alter ego you concocted because you felt it was what she wanted. And don’t let anypony else tell you otherwise either.”

Her eyes softened and she removed her hoof from your mouth.

“And, if for some reason you two don’t end up a thing, don’t worry about it. If you tried your hardest, and you were yourself, then you have nothing to be sorry about. It just means you two were not meant for each other. Her friends won’t come after you, and Celestia certainly won’t banish you. All you can do is move on, and hopefully you can at least gain a friend out of the experience.”

You sat there for a minute, letting her words sink in.

“Oh, and Pages,” she says after the silence had stretched past a minute. “I wouldn’t be telling you all this if it wasn’t something I firmly believed in. Take it from me, the sooner you learn this, the happier you will be.”

“Thank you Octavia,” you murmur, still lost in your thoughts.

“It’s what friends are for,” she states as she pats you on the back. “I’m willing to bet Twilight’s friends are trying to pull her away from a ‘How to Guide’ about dating and say something similar.”

Both of you share a laugh at the statement.

“It’s getting late, can you make it to wherever you’re staying alright Octy?”

“I’ll be fine you worrycolt, it takes a lot more than this to stop me,” she responds confidently. “Besides, I’m actually pretty sobered up now.”

“Alright, then let’s get going,” you state as you tip the barcolt, even though you never actually touched your drink.

“Right behind you,” she replies as she slides off the bar stool and pays her tab.

Both of you walk out of the bar together before sharing a quick hug goodbye. As you trotted back to your house, you couldn’t help but shake one thought.

Heh, this whole fiasco really is starting to sound like some sort of badly written romance story.

Date Night (now with a better ending)

Tonight was the night, or at least that's what you kept telling yourself. Tonight was the night you and Twilight would have your first, and hopefully not only, date. Tonight. Tonight. Tonight. Gah! Why can't I sleep!? You had been tossing and turning in your bed for the better part of...all night. You heard the clock tower in the town square chime five times a little bit ago, and you could just start to see the very edge of the horizon lighten with the oncoming sun. The night was over, and you had not slept a wink.

It wasn't that your bed was uncomfortable, or that there was a lot of noise outside your house during the night. Your own mind was keeping you awake tonight, like it had done many times before. But unlike the previous times, these thoughts did not cause you to leap from your bed and rush to your typewriter in a frenzy of inspiration. No these thoughts, thoughts of your date with Twilight, just sort of gently prodded the back of your mind, each little nudge springing forth a thousand different 'what if' questions.

Oddly enough, even though you had an entire night of no sleep, you couldn't have felt more awake. Perhaps you were just used to it, or maybe it was the slow buildup of adrenaline that kept you going. Either way, you were up and you most definitely were not going to be able to sleep.

Or so you thought.

It was now five o'clock in the afternoon when you rolled out of bed. You weren't sure how, but sometime during the mid morning you settled back down in bed and never got back up. You don't even remember your head hitting the pillow. All that you knew now was that you had to meet Twilight in two hours and you had no clue where the heck you were supposed to go for this picnic. Panic shot through you as you raced about your home, rushing to get ready. The rushing part came to an abrupt stop when you nearly tripped and landed face first into the shower. Dying right before a date was probably not a good option.

You spent the better part of an hour cleaning and grooming yourself, which you didn't even think was possible. Usually your morning routine was to roll out of bed, shower, shake your mane dry and you were done. Tonight your shower included two to three washes of your coat and mane, you actually bothered to use conditioner this time, and then about five minutes was spent banging your head against the shower stall.

The next half hour was spent in front of your bathroom mirror, comb and brush in hoof as you tried to get your mane to cooperate with you for once in its life. No matter how much you brushed, combed, and begged it though, it refused to stay exactly how you wanted. And that was just the mane on your head, your tail kept splitting at the very end, causing it to look like a broom rather than the tail of a pony.

Despite all your frustrations and your body refusing to cooperate for the longest time, you finally accepted how you were going to look for the night. You also hated how silly you were acting. You were grooming yourself as if you were about to court the Princess herself. Ok, so Twilight was her personal student, that technically made her a member of the court didn't it? And you always wanted to look good not only for royalty, but royal officials right? You kept trying to justify your suddenly vain nature until you heard the clock in town square chime.

It was time to go meet Twilight. You were ready. You could do this! You're Arthur Novella, author pony extraordinaire! You could conquer anything! If it involved quill and ink, but dating, sweet Celestia you were hopeless.

The entire walk to the library your mind was in a constant state of back and forth, going from confidence boost to self doubt seemingly with every other step. At this rate it was a coin toss whether it was going to be Confident Arthur or Scared-to-Death Arthur that knocked on the door.

Well, now was the time to find out. The door was right in front of you, and both confident and scared to death you were nowhere to be seen. So it was just...you. It was now or never, so you knocked on the door to the library.

The door was enveloped in the familiar lavender glow of Twilight's magic before swinging open. Twilight stood on the other side smiling at you, and you had to strain to keep your jaw from dropping. She looked beautiful, but it was a natural beauty. It didn't seem like she planned to wear anything special, and she didn't even seem to put extra effort into her appearance. The only accents to her already beautiful appearance was a quill tucked behind her left ear and her saddlebags draped across her back, giving her a studious appearance.

"Oh, hello Arthur," she welcomed you warmly. "You ready for our date?"

You couldn't speak, hear beauty had stolen away your tongue and still hadn't given it back. So you opted to nod slowly instead.

"Great," she replied with a smile. Stepping through the door, she turned around and called to the library; "Spiiiiiike, I'm going out for a while. Watch the library and please don't fight with Owlicious." Closing the door she turned back to you, who had regained the ability to speak. "So, what's the plan for tonight?" she asked.

"Uhhhh," you stammer. Ok, so you could make noise, but words still couldn't be made. You looked about, the panic from earlier returning in full force. OH CELESTIA! I still don't know where the heck the girls set this affair up! Suddenly you felt a very tiny tug on your tail. Turning around, you were very confused to see a tiny white rabbit standing there with an impatient look on its face.

"Angel Bunny?" Twilight asked, clearly as confused as you were as to why the tiny rabbit was here. "Why are you here?" The little rabbit tapped its foot impatiently and tugged on your tail one more time. It was clear that the creature wanted you to follow it, as it started hopping away from both of you.

"Where do you think he's leading us?" Twilight asked you as you were both following the small creature. Angel had already led you both out of the city, towards Sweet Apple Acres.

"I'm not really sure," you reply honestly. Although you didn't know where you were going, you knew that this little animal was part of what Twilight's friends had planned for tonight. Angel took a sharp turn off the path you were following and proceeded to hop up a nearby hill. You and Twilight followed, still very much curious about where you were being led.

As you crested the hill, you gawked at the sight. It wasn't the spread of food laid out on a checkered tablecloth that was making you gawk, although it did make your mouth water. Instead, it was the scenery that was around you. You and Twilight stood on top of one of the tallest hills around Ponyville, which not only gave you a good view of the town but the countryside around it. It was fairly dark by now, and you could see fireflies winking their lights in the fields below you. Above, the blanket of stars seemed to mimic the insects.

Twilight was as stunned as you were by the scenery, as her eyes were firmly glued to the sky above. When you both finally were able to take your eyes off the magnificent sky, you noticed the small creature that led you here had disappeared. You had to give her friends credit, they really did make everything perfect.

Twilight took her gaze away from the sky to look at you, causing your entire body to lock up. You were way out in uncharted waters now, and there was nopony here to help you. You managed a nervous smile, which caused Twilight to giggle.

"Oh, you don't need to be so nervous," she said lightheartedly. "It's just a date, they're easy. Or at least that's what I've read." Her saddlebags opened up with a glow of magic as she levitated a book out in front of her. The cover read The Egghead's Guide To: Dating. You were not surprised at all.

You decided to sit down as she flipped through the book quickly. After a few minutes she shut the book and placed it back in her saddlebags, taking a seat across from you. Silence stretched out uncomfortably between you two, both of you looking every which way, seeming to avoid eye contact with one another. She tapped her hoof against the ground a couple times.

Oh Celestia, this is a disaster!

After a few minutes of torturous silence, Twilight spoke up. "Arthur," she began, "I want you to be honest with me here. Did you set this up, or was it my friends?"

Well, this date is off to a good start.

"Uh," you stammered. You could lie, obviously, say that it was all your idea and you just got their help. But where would lying get you? It may get you a second date, or even her affections, but at what cost? You weren't a liar, you were always raised to be honest. "To be honest Twilight," you said after a few seconds silence, rubbing the back of your neck with your hoof. "Your friends thought of this whole idea. They said they would take care of the date part, but it was up to me to make you happy." You looked down at the ground, not wanting to meet her gaze.

You felt a hoof tap your shoulder. Looking up you saw a grinning Twilight who had taken a seat next to you. "Well, he's honest. I knew you were a good colt Arthur."

"...say what?" you respond.

"The girls told me all about their preparations for the date, and their little meeting with you," she responded. "They had to drag me away from this book," she said as she brought her How to Guide back out to show, "to tell me that you can't learn everything there is from a book. Frankly, I find that a little ridiculous, but they had a point. I've liked you for a while Arthur," she said. That made you blush so hard you were surprised you didn't burst into flame. "But I realized that if I wanted to make this work, I had to make sure you were a good pony."

"Oh..." you say softly.

"I've heard all these fillies wanting a 'bad colt' who lived on the edge and didn't care about what other ponies thought about them. I've seen those ponies, and each time they had a mare of their own they never treated them right. They treated them like an object, lied to them, and left them when they got bored. I never dated because I thought all colts were like that because that's what they thought the mares wanted."

You started to feel easier with what she was saying, even though it was quite lengthy.

"I could tell you were different when I started seeing you more and more around the town. You may have thought you were being discreet with your compliments and occasional small gifts, but even I could see you liked me. And I'm the one who just read this dating book twice last night." She chuckled and nuzzled your neck softly, which made your heart jump to your throat. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I just wanted to make sure I was making the right choice."

Twilight sat there against you for a minute before drawing away.

"Heh, sorry," she said, blushing slightly. "I tend to ramble sometimes, and I kinda caught you off guard a little."

"No..." you say softly. You smile at her. "It's quite alright."

Both of you decided to proceed with the meal, savoring Applejack's country style cooking with each bite. The meal was oddly silent, which made you slightly nervous. It would have been a lot worse if Twilight didn't just say (in a very roundabout way) that she liked you and the kind of pony you were. You felt easier with her now, and when the meal was complete you both sat in the grass facing Ponyville.

"So Arthur," Twilight said.

"Hmm?"

"What's it like to be such an amazing author?" she asked. "I mean, I love reading books no matter what, but I could never really imagine what writing one is like. I mean, I write my friendship reports to the Princess, but that's more like a report. To write something so complex and yet so simple, it must be wonderful." She sighed happily at the thought.

"Heh, you give me too much credit," you respond, causing Twilight to turn her gaze towards you with a confused look. "I'm just a small time author Twilight, it's more of a hobby than anything else. I'm not a published author, or even a remotely famous one. I just write because I want to pass my ideas along, and my stories were the best way to do this."

"But your stories, they're so good. You pace the story very well, and I really like the characters," she said.

"Most of the characters are based off of ponies I know, Twilight. That book I gave you, some of the characters were based off of small parts of you. Your talent with magic, your intelligence, your studiousness. Others were based off your friends, and some were based off me. Write what you know, that's what I always tell myself."

You sigh heavily.

"I've been thinking about stopping really. Nopony ever really reads my stories."

"Well, I like it," she said quietly with a small grin on her face. You looked at her in disbelief. "I think it's amazing that you can create something out of nothing, and you do it well too." She nuzzled your neck again, causing you to blush heavily. "If you can't keep writing for you," she said as she leaned in closer, closing her eyes and resting her head against your neck. "Will you keep writing, for me?"

You looked down at the purple mare next to you. She had opened her eyes and was now looking directly into yours, her look hopeful. You bit your lip, she definitely wasn't going to make saying no easy. But then again, if Twilight, the one mare who's opinion you held in the highest regard, asked you to keep writing, who were you to argue? You couldn't just disappoint your reader could you?

"Sure Twilight," you say after a few seconds. "If for nopony else but you."

Twilight leaned back, her smile widening at your response. Without warning, she leaned in and placed the smallest kiss on your lips, which caught you completely off guard. You actually tipped over because your body locked up so violently, which caused Twilight to giggle as she helped you right yourself.

"Sorry about that," she giggled, "I'll give you more of a warning next time."

You couldn't help but laugh along with her. Tonight was going so much better than you could have ever hoped for.

You and Twilight sat under the stars for you don't know how long. Time had become irrelevant as you and the purple unicorn shared the night sky, both your heads turned upwards. She had nestled up alongside you, causing your heart to race, especially when she not only laid her head against your neck but kept it there as well. Silence had claimed you both as you observed the night, but it was ok. Speaking would just ruin the moment you two were having.

It was after an undisclosed amount of time that you were shaken from your trance-like state by the most adorable sound you had heard all night; Twilight yawning. You couldn't help but yawn as well, either because she just reminded you how tired you actually were or the old pony myth about yawning being contagious was actually true. Either way, you nudged her a little, causing her to look at you through half closed eyes.

"Mmph?" she grumbled incoherently. The cuteness of her tired look was reaching critical levels.

"You look tired," you say quietly. "Let's get you home. It's much later than I thought it was." You began to stand up, Twilight clumsily following your example. With another yawn, she smiled softly at you and began to walk back to the library slowly. You took your place beside her, it only felt right at this point, and you both walked back to her home.

At the doorstep of the library. The doorstep, the most telltale part of a household (next to the bedroom of course) to tell where a relationship stood. You could either get a hug, which meant you were just friends, a kiss, which meant you two were going somewhere. And then there was the invitation for "coffee," which you understood what it meant, but never really understood why that particular phrase was chosen.

Now, as Twilight stood inside her doorstep looking at you with half closed eyes, your mind ran in circles, anxious to see which goodbye you would be met with.

"I had a really nice time tonight Arthur," she said quietly, the small smile she had before still present on her face.

"Yeah, me too," you reply in earnest. Now for the goodbye.

Twilight took a couple steps until she was nose to nose with you, her half lidded gaze taking up the entirety of your vision. Slowly, she closed her eyes. This was it! You closed yours, leaning in painstakingly slowly, the thought of you looking like a complete idiot screaming at you in the back of your mind, but you paid it no heed. The voice was silenced when you felt Twilight's breath on your lips; she hadn't pulled back. A few more seconds, inches, centimeters.

You felt the soft press of Twilight's lips against yours, causing your heart to burst into fireworks and your stomach to flutter wildly. It felt like you were falling. Is that why they called it falling in love? Because it literally felt like you were falling when you kissed the one that you loved? It only made sense to you.

You and Twilight shared this little moment of intimacy for as long as you could, but unfortunately you both had to break the contact to breathe. It seemed you both forgot that your lungs needed air during the entirety of the kiss, because she was panting softly just like you were. It wasn't a passionate kiss, not this early, but it was still a good sign that Twilight shared your feelings.

"That was...amazing," she panted softly, her eyes almost all the way shut. You couldn't speak, but you nodded to let her know you felt the same. Although you wondered if she could see it with her eyes closed so far. She opened her eyes up more, letting another yawn escape from her.

"I guess this is goodnight then," she said. She sounded kind of disappointed at the thought, although you felt the same way, having to leave such a wonderful pony after such an amazing evening. "But I hope we can do this again really soon. Maybe next time you can come over and I can show you my book fort."

Book fort?

While you tried to figure out if "book fort" was literal or code for something else, Twilight sneaked another small kiss onto your cheek, causing you to blush fiercely from the unexpected affection. With that and a small giggle, she retired into the library for the night, shutting the door behind her with the familiar glow of magic. Slowly, you began to walk yourself home.

She really is amazing. I can't believe tonight went so well.

And it could only get better from here, you thought. For all the bumps and snags that you seemed to hit along the way to this magical night, it all came together in a way you never thought possible. Octavia was right, it wasn't easy, but it was all worth it you thought. Then again, it wasn't really supposed to be easy was it? After all,

This isn't one of your romance novels.

Epilogue: An Afternoon with Octavia

You woke up late in the morning, much later than you were normally accustomed to. Several times your biological alarm clock tried to force you to wake up, but each time you just groaned and pulled your blanket over your head. You didn't have anything to do today after all, so why not treat yourself to a little extra sleep? It wasn't like there was anypony important who had come into town just to see you and was leaving today after all.

Wait, yes there was.

OCTY!

Leaping out of bed, and subsequently losing your balance and landing face first onto the ground, you began to mentally kick yourself for forgetting she was in town.

Stupid stupid stupid. You have one awesome night and you forget about everything else in the world!

You began to rush to make yourself look presentable. But time was short, so you began to try several things at once. Jumping into the shower you began to brush your teeth with one hoof while you tried (with great difficulty) to clean your body. Eventually you devoted both hooves to this task, letting your toothbrush sit in your mouth for an extended period of time. As soon as you stepped out of the shower however, you heard a knock at the door. Surprise gave way to curiosity, and forgetting your current dripping wet, toothbrush chewing look you answered it, only to be greeted by a highly amused Octavia.

"Well, it looks like somepony is having a good morning," she said coyly.

Confused, embarrassed, and a little ticked off at the fact that Octy had shown up (unannounced you might add), you began to trip over your own words, trying to get one of many questions out at the same time.

"But...how...why...uh, that is to say..."

Celestia help you, this was going swimmingly.

"Why am I here?" she offered helpfully. "Along with how did I know where you lived?"

You nodded.

"Well Pages," she said, still choosing you to call you by your childhood nickname, "you may have gotten bigger but you are still that same forgetful little colt after something big happens. So I knew you'd forget about me today, although it looks like you are getting better about remembering." She pointed to the toothbrush still hanging in your mouth, which you quickly spat out without thinking. "As for how I knew you lived here, all I had to do was ask."

Of course. Octavia always was the rational one.

"Now, are you good or should I let you finish up?" she asked with a chuckle. With a heavy sigh, you motion her to come inside while you went to dry off. "Nice place you got here Pages," she said as she looked around. "Although the skylight seems a little out of place." Looking up at the ceiling you realized that you still hadn't fixed Ditzy Doo's crash landing.

Groan. "Sorry Octy, I haven't gotten around to fixing that yet," you said as you sighed heavily. "Wait here, I'll be out in a bit."

A few minutes later, a drier and calmer you emerged from your room, glancing towards Octavia, who had entertained herself with what looked like a stack of papers. And next to it was a purple folder. No, it couldn't be!

"Octy no!" you shouted as you lunged towards her, falling just short of the couch and managing to hit your head on her legs.

"Hmm?" she asked, glancing from behind the papers to your now prone form. "What, am I reading something I shouldn't?" Picking yourself up off the floor, you glance to the folder that was on the couch next to Octavia. This Isn't One of Your Romance Novels was written clearly in silver lettering across the folder. You groan.

"No no no, nopony was supposed to see that." You cover your head with your forelegs, trying to hide your face, which was now turning a lovely shade of crimson.

Octavia chuckled in the same dignified manner that you came to know through the years. "Oh Pages, a self insertion story? And about your first date nonetheless? You really haven't changed much have you?" She smiled down at you, no malicious intent behind it or her teasing. You pull yourself up and take a seat beside her. "Although I do have one question," she says as she flips through the pages. "What is she talking about when she mentions this 'book fort'?"

"Uh..." you stammer.

Octavia's smile took on a sly nature. "Oh Pages, one date in and she already wants to show you her 'book fort'? My my, I remember it took me at least three for Vinyl to show me her 'turntables' and another three before she showed me her 'subwoofer.'"

SMACK!

"Ow, what did you do that for Pages?" she asked as she rubbed the back of her head.

"You deserved that one Octy," you reply with a sly grin of your own.

"What, I'm simply stating that you must have really hit it off for her to open up her private section of the library."

ANOTHER SMACK!

"Hey now, be nice," she said, rubbing the back of her head (again) with an annoyed look on her face.

"I'll be nice when you stop channeling Vinyl," you respond, waving your hoof like you were winding up for another hit. "Although I can't really say that she hasn't made you at least a little bit more fun." You grin cheekily.

SMACK!

"Oww," you respond, rubbing your cheek. "What was that for?"

"Just because," she responded with a laugh. "But seriously, tell me how your date went. I want to hear about it, not read about it," she said as she put the papers down.

"Well," you began, "honestly, I was half expecting to wake up during it. I mean, I never really thought that something so good could happen to me, especially since all I had to go by was the stuck up mares in Canterlot."

Octavia snorted.

"Hey Octy, you were different, but I didn't date you because well, I have the wrong equipment for that kind of thing." Both of you laughed. "But anyways, she was really impressed by my writing. She said the fact that I could make something out of nothing amazed her, and she wants me to continue with it. I think she sees potential in me, even when I, or others, don't."

Octavia gently pat your back with a hoof. "Pages, I've always known you had potential. Despite my chiding and joking, I always thought you were going to go places with your works. Ever wonder why I always asked for copies of your works? I read them. Vinyl reads them. Even some of our friends read them. I have ponies coming by our place asking if I had copies of this up and coming author's works that they could borrow. You've got your name out there Pages, you just need to keep going."

Looking at Octavia, you knew why you two had remained friends ever since you were foals. Despite the distance, despite the busy lives, despite lack of communication, you two always had each others backs. You were the one always telling Octavia when growing up that she was going to be an amazing musician even if she wasn't a unicorn. That her lack of magic wasn't a handicap, but instead a motivation.

And now here she was, doing the same for you and your writing.

"Hey Octy," you begin, "do you really still have all my stories?"

She smiled, "Pages, they have their own bookshelf. The first story you ever wrote and gave to me is in a glass box on display. Nopony but me and you has ever touched it. It's one of my most valuable posessions."

With a smile, you slide off the couch. "Come on Octy, we still have an entire day to spend."

Octy looked away from you, a sad sigh escaping her lips. "Actually Pages, I came here to say goodbye. My carriage is meeting me here in a minute and I didn't want to leave town without seeing you."

"Oh..." you say as you slowly sat down from the blow. "Ok then...I..guess it was nice seeing you."

Octavia walked over to you and threw her hooves around you. "It really was nice seeing you again Pages. And I'm glad you and Twilight are together now."

You felt your heart weigh down heavily at the goodbye. "Octy, will I see you again soon?"

A knock on the door, followed by an official sounding colt: "Miss Philharmonica, are you ready to go?"

"That's my carriage," she said, her voice picking up a little. She still hadn't answered your question, which annoyed you greatly. She stopped though as she was about to pass through your doorway. "Oh, Pages, I never did tell you exactly why I was here did I?"

"I thought you said you were on vacation," you reply, confused.

"I am, but the reason why I'm in Ponyville of all places," she responds, a smile rapidly spreading across her face. "Was because I was house hunting for me and Vinyl. We're moving in next week across town."

With those words, she quickly departed, leaving you stunned. Your best friend was moving into town? The idea sunk into your mind slowly, and when you finally accepted that it was exactly what you thought you heard, you started to bounce on your hooves a little.

Best. Day. Ever.