Granny Smith's Twilight Delight
Granny's Smith's Twilight Delight
by Legendary Emerald
“Hmph. This 'Hearts and Hooves Day' dress is not very 'heartsy' or 'hoovesy' at all.” Rarity critiqued, standing in front of her studio canvas. A superfluously frilly and simultaneously conservative dress was drawn on the page, and Rarity was inspecting it while chewing on the end of her pencil. “Since when did I start designing dresses that only Applejack's grandmother would consider wearing?”
Loud pounding at the downstairs entrance door mercifully tore Rarity's attention away from the monstrosity she had scrawled. The white unicorn sighed in relief before tearing the page from the canvas, crumpling it into a small ball, at tossing it at Opal for the cat to bat around.
“Coming, coming!” Rarity called out as she trotted downstairs and towards the entrance of Carousel Boutique. The frantic knocking at the door didn't cease, even as Rarity's horn and the door were both enveloped in feint blue light. Pulled by the magical tether, the door swung inward, depositing a purple pony with a frazzled mane across the threshold of the boutique. Rarity cleared her throat. “Can I... help you, Twilight?”
“Oh Rarity, thank goodness you're here!” Twilight said, lifting her head off the ground. She swung her forehooves around Rarity's legs. “You've got to help.”
“Yes, yes, of course, darling. But please, try to contain yourself.” Rarity responded, daintily shaking her legs free of the frantic hanger-on.
“Right. I need to stay calm.” Twilight said to herself, standing up. She closing her eyes and took in a single deep breath.
“Now please, tell me what's wrong. I'll help in any way I can.” Rarity offered. Twilight nodded her head and opened her eyes.
“Okay. So, um, do you remember how I'd asked Cadance to lend me a few of the love spells she had created? For learning purposes?” Twilight asked.
“Yes. In fact I remember you and Spike having a very heated discussion regarding the use of such a spell and my own person.” Rarity said with distaste. “You really must learn to close the windows to the library before... airing your grievances.”
“Heh, yeah, well... anyways, I had the library to myself today, so I thought I'd try one of them out. A simple infatuation spell. Far too dangerous in my hooves to be used on a living creature, but the spell said it worked just as well on inanimate objects.” Twilight explained. Rarity quirked an eyebrow
“Twilight dear, you do know that a lady's... private toys aren't meant to love her BACK, don't you?” Rarity questioned curiously.
“What? No! Ew! Why would you even-” Twilight shook her head to banish the thoughts from her mind. “I was trying to cast the spell on my front door! I thought that if it was infatuated with me, it'd open itself up for me whenever I wanted in or out. You know, like a gentelcolt would.”
“Well I suppose I can see the appeal there. But where did it go wrong?” Rarity asked.
“What I didn't expect was for somepony to walk into the library right as I cast the spell...” Twilight answered, hanging her head in shame.
“Oh. Oh dear.” Rarity frowned. “Who was the, err, lucky pony?”
A new voice filtered in through the open doorway, reaching the ears of the ponies present. The voice had a distinct, unmistakable country twang to it.
“Twilight mah dear, there ya are!” it called out playfully.
“Oh dear sweet Luna.” Rarity swore, covering her mouth immediately afterwords.
“Help me.” Twilight squeaked out, right as Granny Smith draped herself over Twilight's back.
“Found ya, deary! Y'all should know better than ta think ya can git away from me.” Granny Smith said, leaning in close to Twilight's ear. “It's okay though. Ah like the ones who play hard to get...”
Rarity's cheeks expanded as she fought to keep her lunch down.
“You've got to help, Rarity!” Twilight said as Granny Smith's hoof drew heart-shaped figures across her chest fur.
“How am I supposed to help with this?!” Rarity asked incredulously.
“I don't know! But you've always seemed to be good about driving your potential romantic partners away in the past.” Twilight stated matter-of-factly.
“Wha-puh-pah! Why I never!” Rarity sputtered. “I'll have you know that I have had many fine suitors in my day!”
“Do you shout at most of them in front of everypony of importance at the Grand Galloping Gala?” Twilight asked, referencing the debacle with Prince Blueblood. “Ooh, is that that what I should be doing now?”
“T-that was an exception! I assure you that the only reason I am not currently attached to the hip of a wealthy and handsome gentlecolt is that I do not feel like being tied down at the moment.” Rarity explained, defending her womanly pride.
“Speakin' of tyin', y'all know where Applejack learned her rope tricks, right?” Granny Smith asked Twilight seductively. “How's about you and me get all... tangled up?”
“Rarity, please!” Twilight begged.
“I apologize Twilight, but I am currently running late for... a date! Yes, that's it. You'll just have to find someone else to help you with your romance problems.” Rarity said, already shutting the door on Twilight and her lover. “Be sure to invite me to the wedding, though. I have just the dress for the occasion.”
“Rarityyyy!” Twilight shouted at the sky, to no avail. Granny smith nibbled at her ear contentedly. “Ugh, fine, whatever.”
“Ya done hidin' from yer true feelin's yet, hon?” Granny Smith asked. “Ready to... hit the hay?”
“This is completely ridiculous.” Twilight fumed. “I mean, do you even HAVE any experience with mares?”
“Ho yeah I do.” Granny Smith answered with a wry smile. Twilight sighed.
“Fine. Might as well get some research on the mating habits of the elderly out of this whole mess. My place or yours?”
THE END
AN: Happy Valentines-Fool's Day! This short, silly, and admittedly atrocious story was written for prompt 257 over at http://thirtyminuteponies.tumblr.com . I hadn't originally planned to share this with everyone, but now that Hearts and Hooves day is here, I figured I'd give y'all a gift of sorts. I fixed up the spelling and grammar a tad, added a few more details, and now what you see is what you get.
Please don't lynch me. I promise I'll have an actually good story out before the end of the month, one that I've been working on for almost a year now.
~ Legendary Emerald
