Me, my non-brony friend and thebaglady74 go to Equestria.by ShadowstalkerChaptersI think I've died twice and gone to heaven...He said it! He actually said it!Ground rules.I think I've died twice and gone to heaven...I slung my book-bag down onto the floor next to the computer chair, sighing I smiled knowing I should have some new comments. But then frowned when I realized they were probably grammar Nazis polluting the comment section. "Alright, let's see what we have for today." I said, typing the website name in. It came up seconds later, no comments but one message. "Oh goodie." I rolled my eyes. I clicked on it, only, there was no name. "Oh great, a hacker." I said sarcastically. "Fake FBI page in three... Two... What the?" I leaned in towards the screen, I was watching a message type itself. Not only that, but now my vision was getting darker. I rubbed my eyes but that only seemed to make it worse, when I started to feel a chill, that's when I got worried. "Ok, am I having a mental issue or am I just hungry?" I sat there momentarily, squinting as the cold began to blow towards the screen. "Both." I would have been blinded had it not been for the darkness clouding my vision, but thankfully, I was alright. Physically atleast. Mentally, I was terrified as I felt myself being drawn towards the screen by a very strong force. Right as I lifted out of my chair, I grabbed the nearest things closest to me. The computer mouse and my book-bag. Not soon after, I felt numb, I couldn't see and to top it all off I heard people screaming. Only, I actually knew them. "Isiaih! Is that you!" I called out. "Matt! What did you do!?" He yelled back. Angry at me, as expected. "I can't even see! How the hell should I know!? Hey, who's with you!?" "I don't know! Let me-shit!" And now, I could feel and see again. It didn't look all that good. I landed in a bloody tree, an apple tree to be exact. Somehow, I hit every branch on the way down, and then I landed on the ground. Luckily, it was soft with very few rocks. With a groan, a few mental curses, audible curses and some stretching, I raised my abused body up and looked around. "Damn, it looks like Dr. Seuss threw up here and then made things look relatively real." I said, looking around the technicolor landscape. "Wait, if the colors look like this... Then that means!" Cue heart attack now. "Ohh... What the hell happened?" Isiaih groaned. I looked over and my mouth hung loosely, I barely held back a gut-wrenching laugh as I saw him. "Isiaih, I have bad news and worse news. Just don't open your eyes." I said. "O-Ok... What's the bad news?" He asked, his voice still shaky. "The bad news is, your a pegasus." He opened his eyes and squinted, looking down they widened and his face went to horror to 'your so fucking dead' as he looked back at me. And then it went to confusion, but he was still angry. "Matt, what are you?" He asked. "And what's the worse news?" I took a momentary glance down and saw two different legs, arms and a narrow coat of fur. I shrugged and looked up. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head as I began to smile, looking over my new body. "Dude! I'm a draconequus!" I yelled happily. "And if your a pony, and I'm this, then that means..." I let the thought settle. "And the worse news is, is that you somehow survived." My friends face was once again coated in horror. "Were in Equestria!" I finished. "Were in the show! I can't believe this, I just cant and yet here I am!" I said, smiling. "What did you do!?" He yelled angrily. "What? What did I do? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, looking back at him. "Your the brony and now were in fricken magic pony land! I just know this is your fault!" He continued to yell. "Hey! I was literally blind when this happened!" I defended myself. "How was I supposed to even register what happened?" "You know what, I'm done." He said. "Let's find someone to talk to, get us home and turn me back." "You can go back, I already love it here!" I said. "Hey, wheres the other guy that was falling with us?" Isiaih looked around, as I looked my head hit a branch and something in denim. I reached up with a paw and pulled an idol of mine down. "Isiaih! Do you know who this is!?" I said, jumping on the spot. "It's Gandalf the blue! The baglady74! The Non-brony commentary guy!" Isiaih merely glared at me. 'I think he's pissed.' I thought. 'Defiantly pissed.' "If I could kill you, I would." He said. "Just shut up and try to walk. I'll carry our unconscious friend." As I hoisted the brunette onto my back, I watched in humor as my friend tried to stand on four legs. After it got boring, he finally stood and tried to walk. With a roll of my eyes, I picked him up and began our trek. Isiaih cursing and punching me with his hooves. With my signature, 'I'm not in the mood and bored with life' look on my face, I saw a familiar sight ahead. I gave an audible gulp as I approached the picnic table. With the Element bearers sitting at it. "-And that was just horrible." Rarity said. "And another thing... T-Twilight..." Her face became even more paled. "Discord!" Twilight turned around and saw me. To say I wasn't fucking scared of her, would be an understatement. "Don't kill me!" I yelled, now holding my temporarily immobile friend in front of me. "Kill him! I just got here!" "Discord! How did you escape!?" Twilight yelled. "I'm not Discord! Look at me!" I yelled. "My body parts, my voice and I'm sure my height are completely different! I haven't done anything!" In a flash the elements were there. I was frozen with fear and joy. Mainly fear as she took them out. "C-Cant we talk about this?" I asked, setting my friend and Gandalf to the side. "This is just a mistake of... Identity." My eyes grew in a distant memory. "Pinkie! Get Pinkie! She knows everyone!" Twilight stopped, squinting at me. "Pinkie, is that really Discord?" She asked. In a sudden moment, I was pinned to the ground as the pink mare stared at me. "P-Please... I don't want to be turned to stone or banished to the moon. I'm not Discord; if I was, wouldn't I have started causing-" And then she licked me across the face. She fucking licked me! "Oh god!" I started to spit, wiping my mouth. "My mouth was open! Ooh, I can taste cotton candy. I love it, but it's still gross." "He's not Discord!" Pinkie said. "Discord smells like white fudge. He smells like onions and ranch dressing!" "Pinkie... Why did you just lick him?" Twilight asked. "I don't know. he's just so cute!" 'Shit. Pinkie's flirting with me. Not good.' I thought. "Now that that's out of the way, why not start with introductions? And not kill or banish each other please?" I said, trying to remain calm. "Fine." Rarity said. "I'm-" "Rarity." I interrupted, kneeling as I kissed her hoof. "A pleasure my lady." She blushed and gave a curt nod. Now, Twilight was up. "My name is Twilight Sparkle," she said. "This is Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy. So, who are you?" "Well I'm Matthew." I said. "This is Isiaih, and Gandalf the blue. Who is currently coming into consciousness." The brunette got up, reaching up he rubbed his head. "Where the hell am I?" He said. Cue heart attack number two. "Gandalf, don't freak out, but your in Equestria." I said. "I am not kidding. Now, remain calm since the element bearers are present. And they do have the Elements of Harmony." He blinked a few times before standing, once his vision had cleared in my perspective. His mouth dropped, looked at me and Isiaih and promptly fell back. "Shit... Now he's fainted." I groaned. "So, why not get to know each other as we wait for him to wake up and not freak out? Sound good? Ok!" I said, sitting crossed legged. "Weird pony things!" Isiaih yelled. "Can either of you change me back?" "Change you back?" Twilight asked. "What do you mean? You weren't a pony before?" "No I was not dipshit!" He yelled. "I was turned into a pony! And I hate it!" She furrowed her brow at him. And now he just pissed off the element of magic. "Twilight!" I said, blocking her path to him. "He's just extremely angry because he's here, forgive his language and attitude." She nodded and sat back down at the table, watching us. I scooted Isiaih onto a free spot and carried Gandalf over. Now, we all just sat in an awkward silence. "So," Applejack began. "What brings ya here to Equestria?" "As far as I know," I replied. "I have no clue. I went temporarily blind when it happened. Isiaih, what happened to you?" "I was going to play Halo 4, when, a blue portal comes out of my screen and sucks me in. And now, I'm here, a stupid pony, surrounded by stupid ponies and I'm with you!" He said angrily, attempting to either reach for the salt or my neck. "Right." She nodded. My stomach growled loudly. 'Nice to know I'm still a bottomless pit.' I grinned. "So, I can see you own an apple orchard. Awesome." "Well thank ya kindly. Not many ponies compliment the orchard." She smiled. "Hey! Matt!" Pinkie said. I instinctively leaned my head as far back and as high as I could. "Yes?" I replied. 'Don't lick me. Don't lick me. Don't lick me.' "Can you do any sort of magic too? You know, like when Discord snapped his weird claw or paw? Well, can you!?" The thought never hit me until now. I slowly raised my hand in front of my face, looking at it just as Indiana Jones looked at the Holy Grail. "I have no godly idea." I replied. Slowly, covering my face with my... Flipper? Screw it. I snapped my paw's digits. "What the hell!" Isiaih yelled. "I knew you did something!" I uncovered my eyes and saw Isiaih now human again. He had his white hoodie on, a grey shirt, a pair of jeans. I even got his slightly tanned skin color down. My eyes widened as I did it again. "Yes! I love deviled eggs!" I said as I immediately started shoving them in by two's. And then I choke, and surprise, surprise and to my horror. Pinkie's already leaning over me, pushing my chest. 'I know what comes next...' I nervously thought. She leaned down and put her lips to mine. As soon as she did, I felt like a balloon being inflated. I got a sudden rush of air in my lungs, I bolted up, spitting the partially chewed egg back onto the platter I made. "Oh... Oh never do that again. Please." I said, rubbing my throat. "Well, can't let this go to waste." And then I picked up the partially eaten egg and thoroughly chewed it this time. The mares, except for Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie, all made scrunched up their muzzles. "Hey, I wonder if I could get my book bag?" I thought. "It's already on you." Isiaih said. I looked behind me and saw it strapped to my back. I face-flippered. "So, Twilight, are you going to introduce us to the ruler? Princess Celestia? Or better, princess Luna!" "Your right! Your the only other Draconequus besides Discord! Is it a good thing that she's actually coming over or what?" 'Coming over? No... This cant get better.' I thought, disbelief and hope rising. "She wouldn't happen to be bringing a guest? Would she?" "Yes... How did you know?" Twilight asked. "Because, why else would she come to this backwater town?" We all turned to Gandalf, who was now awake and standing, arms crossed. "The hell are you looking at?" Cue third heart attack. Even if I'm still waiting on the other two. I stood in awe, as I stared at the black shirted man. He had a slight curl to his hair, a whitish skin, no facial hair. A black shirt, blue jeans and some grey sneakers. "Gandalf! Your awake!" I said. "What? My names not-" "Do you want to be called by your real name or something awesome?" I said. "That's not his name?" Twilight asked. "Then what is his name?" "...The baglady74." He said. "But you can call me Gandalf the blue. Now, lets go meet whoever the hell it is were supposed to meeting and I can watch as the shit hits the fan." 'He must be the past baglady... Than that means I could get to hear his commentary live! I hope he says sun butt...' "Come on!" Pinkie said. "Let's go!" "Can't at the moment," Applejack said. "Me and Fluttershy need to go take care of something. Be with yall in a moment." "Please," I put a paw on her shoulder. "Allow me." I snapped my flipper and heard the sound of angry beavers. I smiled and helped Isiaih get unstuck from the table. Who knew it was too small for a human? He said it! He actually said it!Now, we were all standing in a field. Isiaih was still annoyed by the fact he existed there and the fact that ponies existed, Gandalf was busy imitating him. And he was doing a bang-up job at it too. "This is awesome!" I said, skating around with soap. "This is better than sliding around on socks! But, it's still soap." I grimaced. "So, Isiaih," Twilight said. "You said something about Halo 4, what is that?" He gave a glare at her, stood up told her to go away and sat down, back to her. Fucker, no one disrespects ponies with me nearby. I snapped my paw, which has been identified as a black bears paw, and watched as a miniature thunderclap burst into existence next to him. He jumped, rubbing his ear. He already knew it was me because I did show him I could do it. Lucky I didn't set him on fire. "So, who do you think this guest is?" Twilight asked me. "I think Spike has the right idea." Twilight looked back at Spike as he tugged her tail, eyes mere pin pricks as he babbled on. "Maybe he has a deer antler, a goat leg, a bat wing, and a snake tail!" "Yeah right, that's Discord." She rolled her eyes. 'Fuck to the yes! Hurry up and bring in the statue dammit!' I thought, rubbing my paw and flipper together. I was sure I could taste blood from biting my bottom lip. "Why in the wide, wide world of Equestria would Princess Celestia bring along someone like that?" Rarity asked. "M-Maybe you should ask," he then pointed an index claw at the approaching alicorn and my chaotic idol. "Her!" First she came down, and next Discord. Weird, feels like there's some kind of weird electricity in the air. I hope I don't shock myself with lighting again. Twilight calmly walked up to her mentor, I handed Gandalf and Isiaih some ear plugs. "With all do respect Princess Celestia," she spoke. "How could you bring Discord Here!?" She coughed into her hoof before bowing. "Your majesty..." "I'm fully aware that the last time Discord was here, he created serious havoc." "Alright, who's this supposed to be?" Isiaih asked. "I could ask the same." She said. They both walked up to each other, staring silently. "Isiaih," I said. "Could you not piss off the immortal sun goddess that can easily drop a hale storm of solar heat on us." "There's no way she's immortal." He said. "No, I'm not buying it. Leave me out of anything that has to do with this. I'm just going back to sit on my patch of grass, silently thinking of ways to kill you." "Really?" I asked. "What are you at now?" "Cutting you in half, submerging the living half in acid and then burning the bottom half." He said before going to sit down. "As I was saying," Celestia began. "Yes, I understand; but I have use for Discord's magic if it can be reformed to serve good instead of evil. This is why I brought Discord here, because I believe that you are the ponies who can do just that." "Are you high sun butt?" Gandalf said. The princess stared at him, ever other pony stared intently at him, mouths open. Even the guards looked like they were going to pass out. Me... Well I was on the ground, laughing my ass off. Literally, it was like a scene from The Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy; where Billy, 'studied' his butt off. "The last time he was here, he fucked everyone's day up, he screwed with the weather and he even corrupted you subjects!" Gandalf said. "The hell is wrong with you? I mean seriously, even you couldn't beat him without the Elements, I still remember when that overgrown cockroach kicked you ass at the wedding. With one blast!" "It would be wise to-" she began. Fuck it, no one threatens Gandalf. Besides, Luna is best princess anyway. "Tsk Tsk, Celestia." I said, shaking my head. "You should heed his warning, as cross as it may have been. But he spoke the truth, you cannot deny that. And he just hates ponies." "Your damn right I do!" "Your not helping Gandalf!" I yelled. "Please, continue." "This will never work!" Spike said. "This is a disaster! How will we ever control him!? Were doomed!" "Need I remind you, that you are the ponies who turned him back into stone like this in the first place?" Celestia said. "Yeah," Gandalf said. "You think he's going to feel a little bit wise about the whole Element's of Harmony thing." "I suppose we could just use the Element's of Harmony against him if things get out of hoof." Twilight said. "Well, we probably need a volunteer to run away to get them? I'll do it!" Spike said, attempting to make a break for it. "No need Spike," Celestia said. "I have them right here." She said, as two Solar guards put down the unnoticed chest. "Are they actually in the box this time?" Gandalf asked. "Quiet!" I said. "Wait... How did Twilight get them if... And then how did you... How are you all swapping them!" I yelled. "First they tried to use them on me, and now you show up with them! What's going on!?" "Magic!" Pinkie said. "That and I made replicas with the exact energy signature, I hide them in trees. They're for 'incase of Discord escaping and ruining everything again' emergencies." "That's really specific." Isiaih said. "So, what do they do?" "Do you want the long, or short version?" I asked. "Short." "They shoot out a rainbow that can either banish you, turn you into another state of matter and who else knows what. Basically, it may look girly but it's not something you want to stand in front of." "Still, a rainbow?" He said. "And when I thought it couldn't get any worse." "Lighten up, atleast we didn't land in the Everfree. Otherwise we could have our entrails being eaten by TImberwolves, or a hydra or even turned to stone by a cockatrice." He merely raised an eyebrow as we watched the princess leave. "Ok ponies, guess it's time to get started." Twilight said levitating the elements over. As they charged them up, me and the others we're stepping back. "What are they doing?" Isiaih asked. "Releasing him..." I said, eyes glazing over. The three of us watched, me in wonder, Isiaih in curiosity and Gandalf was bored. Why am I the only one excited dammit!? The stone started to crack, bright light coming out from them, and in one flash, Discord was free. He stretched, yawned and looked bored while leaning down to Twilight. "Well, it's about time somepony got me out from that prison block." He said. "It's really him!" I said. "It's really Discord! I can't believe it!" I yelled. "And who are..." He turned around before his mouth fell open. "You?" "I'm Matthew and a big fan of your work!" I said, shaking his paw. "Matthew!" Pinkie yelled. "I thought you were on our side!?" "I don't take sides," I said. "You'll find me to be the kind of person who helps if they feel like it. And besides, he already shocked me when I shook his... Paw..." Now, me and Discord just stared at each other, our eyes glazed over. We stood there, our paws beginning to glow. His was a dim yellow while mine was a deep crimson. I felt my lips peeled back as my paw started to tingle, his lips pulled back, exposing numerous sharp teeth. I struck forward at the same time he did, we both flew back with a blast of energy. I got up and hunkered down on all fours, I quickly ran over to him, growling and snarling. We both circled each other, occasionally snapping at each other for a reaction. We both straightened out and stared at each other, his eyes looked different. They were a crimson instead of yellow and his red pupils were now the yellow. I wonder what mine look like? We both lunged, and before we could collide, all I saw was a wall of confetti. We both slid across the dirt, groaning in pain. Thankfully, when I opened my eyes, my vision was the same. "What happened?" I asked, rubbing my head. When I looked down in my lap, I saw Pinkie wearing a thin nurse outfit with a medical bag in her mouth. 'No. I refuse to play doctor or be your patient.' I thought. "Fine, you can atleast put a bandage on the cut at the end of my snout." I said, rolling my eyes as she literally, slapped one on. 'The fuck! That hurt just as bad as... Whatever the hell you shot me with!' "Discord, Matthew!" Twilight said, running up. "What happened to you two? First you were buddy, buddy and then you tried to kill each other!" "We did?" Discord asked. "Weird... I've never felt like that before." "What did you feel?" Fluttershy asked. "I felt like..." "You were the most pissed off you've ever been?" I finished. "Yeah, if that means angry. Then yes." He then got up and popped his back, in mid-pop he snapped his tail fluff. "Oopsie." He smiled. "Ok, would you mind telling us what we we're just shot with?" I asked, getting up. "I already have an idea it was Pinkie. I saw a bunch of colored pieces of paper go past me when it hit." "That's because she hit yall with her party canon." Applejack said. "Surprised yall are even standing... Or uh, in Discord's case, flying." I looked up and saw Discord currently lounging in the air. He looked down and grinned, hitting me with a rubber duck. I picked it up, looking at it. "Why did you hit me with a rubber duck?" I asked. "Why not?" He shrugged coming down. "And why is it you think you ponies can reform me?" He said. "And that your putting your faith in this one here." He said, leaning down to Fluttershy and making his eye bug out of a magnifying glass. He disappeared and reappeared next to her, dressed as an elderly lady. "it makes me want to pinch your little horsey cheeks." "How did you know about that!?" Twilight asked. "Being turned to stone, doesn't keep me from hearing every word Celestia says." He said flatly. "Although, I admit, it make rolling my eyes a challenge." He popped out his eyes and threw them on the ground. They landed in two holes and he reappeared from the ground itself. "But you were tuned to stone!" Gandalf said. "Your weren't covered in stone, you were stone. They'd have to drill holes in your ears for you to hear anything. But even then, all they'd find is stone dust!" Discord merely rolled his eyes, blew a raspberry and turned back to me. I averted my eyes quickly before snapping my flipper. I then put on my new pair of shades, I even got a leather jacket to go with it. "So, your a fan huh?" He asked. "What was Pinkies favorite-" "Cotton candy clouds that rained chocolate milk." I replied. "You also made the rabbits grow longer legs, corrupted the mane six, messed with the sun and moon and made the apples huge!" "I'm impressed." He nodded. "You really are a fan. So," he turned to Isiaih. "What are you supposed to be? Some monkey with mange?" "I'm a human, and the one who'll knock that one tooth out of your mouth in a second." Isiaih threatened. I face-pawed. 'Doesn't he realize he's talking to the literal god of chaos? The guy who can do anything with a snap of his talon on paw.' I thought. "Isiaih, while Discord gets suited for a place to live, we need to talk. And It's not optional." He gave a grunt in response. "Stay?" Discord said. "But what about everything I could be doing right now?" He pouted. "Yeah!" Pinkie said. "Don't you do anything funny, but I'm talking about the funny that's not actually funny but mean!" "You wouldn't dare turn me back to stone, and risk upsetting your precious princess!" He said, scoffing the last two words. "Try it! Dipcord." Rainbow said. 'That was just bad.' I thought. 'Dipcord? Really?' "You think you can treat poor, defenseless animals like that and get away with it?" Fluttershy said, raising her voice slightly. "You'd better watch your stuff buster, or else I'll give you... The stare!" She threatened. "Oh no!" He fake panicked. "Please! Anything but your disapproving eyeballs!" Even Isiaih snickered, but he caught himself and kept being bored. "Quite trying to be threatening! Your too cute to be anything else." Gandalf pointed out. And then, I felt like a pair of scissors were pushing into my head. She was giving Discord The stare and now he was gripping his throat, bending every-which-way and that. Now he had calmed down, his eyes swirling with white and red. "Stop... I cant take it anymore..." He said. "I'll do anything you say, because..." He was saying. 'Anything huh?' I thought in Pinkies voice. Wait... I look over at Pinkie and she has a hoof to her chin, looking at nothing. 'Oh no.. Hey, my voice is back and I have an echo! Echo!' And now I'm listening to my own thoughts. And then Discord broke out into laughter, Fluttershy confused as hell and the others still glaring. Well, except for me who is also laughing, Isiaih paying mild interest and Gandalf who atleast has some idea of what's going on. "Well, it looks like I know where I'll be crashing while I'm being," He leaned down to Twilight, making quotations with his fingers. "Reformed." He said mockingly. And now he's giving Fluttershy a noogie. "With you Fluttershy." He laughed. "Oh dear..." She said. 'Hell yes!' I thought. 'Stupid ponies.' Gandalf and Isiaih thought. Ground rules.I waved as the ponies and Draconequus left, leaving me and my two human companions. "Alright, listen you two." I said impatiently. "You can't just go and insult the natives like that." "I don't care." Isiaih said. "What are they going to do? Shoot me with a rainbow?" "That I have to remind you, can turn you to stone or even banish you off planet. So, what I'm asking is just simple, a small little thing." I said. "Let me do the talking and you two be nice! Or atleast as nice as possible." "Why?" He said. "Otherwise." I gritted my teeth. "I will personally send you into the lair of a dragon." I threatened. "So, be nice or you get turned into a smoking roast." "Fine, I'll be nice to them." He said. "Because I know you'll probably do it anyway. So, what now?" "We go to town." I said. "We're going to a dinner party later. So, what better way than to introduce ourselves to the townsfolk? But, you two might need my protection." "What, why?" Gandalf asked. "Lyra Heartstrings." I said. "She has a thing for humans. A stalking, religious and creepy obsession with anthropology. Mainly, you two. So, I'll probably have to change you two into something. Isiah, what do you want to be?" "I'd prefer to be human." He said. "Sorry, I cant turn an asshole into a human that easily." I said. "Actually..." I rubbed my chin. "That's not a bad idea." Before he could retort, I snapped my flipper and Gandalf jumped away. Isiaih was now a lightly tanned, grade-A jackass. Oh the irony. "Matt! Turn me back!" He yelled, trying to stand on his new knobby legs. "Or atleast turn me into something cool." I rolled my eyes before turning the both of them into griffons. Isiaih had a upper body of black feathers, his lion hide was his usual tanned color. he was slightly smaller to Gandalf than I thought would have been. Gandalf, had a patch of black feathers on his head that curved to the side much like Gilda's. His own feathers below that were a dingy white, his lion hide was a brighter tan than Isiaih's. "Alright, now that were ready, lets go and possible have my own appearance terrify the locals considering they don't even know Discord's out." I said. "I still don't know how to walk on four legs." Isiaih said. "I'm atleast getting to stand." Gandalf said, getting up shakily. "Alright, I think I have this down now." He said taking his first steps. "Hey, this is kind of cool. Aside from it still being something from the show." After a few minutes of watching them stand and take a few steps, they were finally walking at a steady pace. We started our short walk into town, surprisingly, it wasn't but a mile away. You'd think some of the residents would have come to investigate the lights. Right when were entering the town, the locals finally start to look. And they actually look pretty angry. Either that or they have constipation... Wait, they're throwing rocks. "Hey! Quit it!" I said flinching as a mare threw a decently sized one at my head. "Seriously, stop it!" I yelled snapping my paw. The rocks she was now throwing were turned to marshmallows. She looked at them before she started to shake with fear. "Oh don't you give me that look." I said. "First you were mad and now your shaking like a leaf. What? Do you think I'm here to make it start raining lava?" The poor thing just fainted. Now other resident were coming out. With torches and pitchforks. "Alright, fuck it," I said. "This stops now before I get burned alive." I snapped my flipper and every door and window shut, locked. The locals turned wide-eyed, apparently realizing the situation. I snapped it again and their weapons disappeared. "Now you can either sit or stand, your choice." I said. They all sat in unison, shaking in front of me. "Now, I know who I almost look like, but I'm not Discord." I said. "He's actually being reformed at the moment by Fluttershy. My name is Matthew. I guess I'll let the other two introduce themselves." Isiaih walked up and looked at the crowd, who for a bit calmed down. "Um, hey I guess. I'm Isiaih." He said. "I'm Gandalf the blue." Gandlaf said. "That's what I'm usually called, my other name which I do not prefer to be called is theBaglady74." There were a few chuckles from the residents. Good, they finally calmed down. "Ok, now that that's settled, does anyone have any questions?" And a mint green hoof went up. "Yes miss Heartstrings." I said. I could even hear her gasp, slowly she trotted over, wide eyed at Isiah and Gandalf. Wait... Maybe she can detect their original structures through my spell. Oh shit... "Well, I'm Lyra Heartstrings." She said extending a hoof. "It's very nice to meet you two... Especially since I know your not actually griffons." "Not griffons?" Gandalf laughed uneasily. "What else would we be?" "I'm sure Matthew knows exactly what you are," she shot me a grin. A creepy stalker grin. "Since he turned you two into griffons." "Matt!" Isiaih said backing away as she trotted forward. "Do something!" Without thinking, I snapped my flipper again and all I heard was a yelp. "Where'd she go!?" He yelled again. "Did you kill her!?" "I-I don't know!" I panicked. "Wait... I'm invisible!" I heard Lyra yell out. "This is-hey what's that?" I heard a distant flapping and saw Rainbow Dash barreling towards us. "Hey Rainbow, whats up?" I asked. "I saw the torches from a mile away." She said. "Your not terrorizing the locals are you?" "Even if I was, which I still have no intention of doing, you all couldn't do a thing to stop me." I said. "Because, I know where Discord went wrong. I tend to plan out every detail and twist others perspectives. All I would have to do, is send the elements on a one-way trip into space. And poof! Right into a black hole." "Well don't. Hey, is that those two human things from earlier? Why are they griffons?" "I knew they were humans!" Lyra yelled. "Somethings touching me!" Gandalf yelled backing towards me. "I need an adult!" I snapped my flipper and Lyra reappeared. She was currently sitting across the street, freaking out a waiter with a glass. Once he saw the hoof, he looked down and narrowed his eyes. She grinned sheepishly before retreating back into the crowd. "Gandalf, pull something like that again, and I'll turn you into a red slime from Terraria." "I'm serious, something really did touch me. Oh..." He then noticed the leaf stuck on the bottom of his talon. "No one saw anything." He said raising a talon. The crowd burst in a low laughter. "Well, I guess that does it for the initial introductions. And you," I turned back tot he mare. "Do you throw rocks at every all powerful creature who comes into town? I mean really, just really, what possessed you to do that? What thought told you consequences wouldn't be struck upon you?" Ok now the finally awoken mare promptly fainted again. "And your punishment is being excessively trolled." I laughed. "So, Rainbow, I'm guessing Fluttershy and Discord have invited us to dinner?" "Y-yeah... How did you know that?" "I don't want to literally break your minds with the implications." I said. "Atleast not yet." I said. "Here comes Twilight and the others now, and Rarity's wearing her, least expensive dress that will get orange soda on it." My stomach gave another rumble, but not entirely out of hunger. "Oh... I shouldn't have had magic deviled eggs." I groaned clutching the area where my intestines are. "You may want to keep an open flame away from me." The grin on her face told me she was going to do the exact opposite. 'This means war.' I smirked right back. "I hope you like your gravy hot." I whispered under my breath. "Because it's going to be scolding. Probably..."
I think I've died twice and gone to heaven...I slung my book-bag down onto the floor next to the computer chair, sighing I smiled knowing I should have some new comments. But then frowned when I realized they were probably grammar Nazis polluting the comment section. "Alright, let's see what we have for today." I said, typing the website name in. It came up seconds later, no comments but one message. "Oh goodie." I rolled my eyes. I clicked on it, only, there was no name. "Oh great, a hacker." I said sarcastically. "Fake FBI page in three... Two... What the?" I leaned in towards the screen, I was watching a message type itself. Not only that, but now my vision was getting darker. I rubbed my eyes but that only seemed to make it worse, when I started to feel a chill, that's when I got worried. "Ok, am I having a mental issue or am I just hungry?" I sat there momentarily, squinting as the cold began to blow towards the screen. "Both." I would have been blinded had it not been for the darkness clouding my vision, but thankfully, I was alright. Physically atleast. Mentally, I was terrified as I felt myself being drawn towards the screen by a very strong force. Right as I lifted out of my chair, I grabbed the nearest things closest to me. The computer mouse and my book-bag. Not soon after, I felt numb, I couldn't see and to top it all off I heard people screaming. Only, I actually knew them. "Isiaih! Is that you!" I called out. "Matt! What did you do!?" He yelled back. Angry at me, as expected. "I can't even see! How the hell should I know!? Hey, who's with you!?" "I don't know! Let me-shit!" And now, I could feel and see again. It didn't look all that good. I landed in a bloody tree, an apple tree to be exact. Somehow, I hit every branch on the way down, and then I landed on the ground. Luckily, it was soft with very few rocks. With a groan, a few mental curses, audible curses and some stretching, I raised my abused body up and looked around. "Damn, it looks like Dr. Seuss threw up here and then made things look relatively real." I said, looking around the technicolor landscape. "Wait, if the colors look like this... Then that means!" Cue heart attack now. "Ohh... What the hell happened?" Isiaih groaned. I looked over and my mouth hung loosely, I barely held back a gut-wrenching laugh as I saw him. "Isiaih, I have bad news and worse news. Just don't open your eyes." I said. "O-Ok... What's the bad news?" He asked, his voice still shaky. "The bad news is, your a pegasus." He opened his eyes and squinted, looking down they widened and his face went to horror to 'your so fucking dead' as he looked back at me. And then it went to confusion, but he was still angry. "Matt, what are you?" He asked. "And what's the worse news?" I took a momentary glance down and saw two different legs, arms and a narrow coat of fur. I shrugged and looked up. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head as I began to smile, looking over my new body. "Dude! I'm a draconequus!" I yelled happily. "And if your a pony, and I'm this, then that means..." I let the thought settle. "And the worse news is, is that you somehow survived." My friends face was once again coated in horror. "Were in Equestria!" I finished. "Were in the show! I can't believe this, I just cant and yet here I am!" I said, smiling. "What did you do!?" He yelled angrily. "What? What did I do? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, looking back at him. "Your the brony and now were in fricken magic pony land! I just know this is your fault!" He continued to yell. "Hey! I was literally blind when this happened!" I defended myself. "How was I supposed to even register what happened?" "You know what, I'm done." He said. "Let's find someone to talk to, get us home and turn me back." "You can go back, I already love it here!" I said. "Hey, wheres the other guy that was falling with us?" Isiaih looked around, as I looked my head hit a branch and something in denim. I reached up with a paw and pulled an idol of mine down. "Isiaih! Do you know who this is!?" I said, jumping on the spot. "It's Gandalf the blue! The baglady74! The Non-brony commentary guy!" Isiaih merely glared at me. 'I think he's pissed.' I thought. 'Defiantly pissed.' "If I could kill you, I would." He said. "Just shut up and try to walk. I'll carry our unconscious friend." As I hoisted the brunette onto my back, I watched in humor as my friend tried to stand on four legs. After it got boring, he finally stood and tried to walk. With a roll of my eyes, I picked him up and began our trek. Isiaih cursing and punching me with his hooves. With my signature, 'I'm not in the mood and bored with life' look on my face, I saw a familiar sight ahead. I gave an audible gulp as I approached the picnic table. With the Element bearers sitting at it. "-And that was just horrible." Rarity said. "And another thing... T-Twilight..." Her face became even more paled. "Discord!" Twilight turned around and saw me. To say I wasn't fucking scared of her, would be an understatement. "Don't kill me!" I yelled, now holding my temporarily immobile friend in front of me. "Kill him! I just got here!" "Discord! How did you escape!?" Twilight yelled. "I'm not Discord! Look at me!" I yelled. "My body parts, my voice and I'm sure my height are completely different! I haven't done anything!" In a flash the elements were there. I was frozen with fear and joy. Mainly fear as she took them out. "C-Cant we talk about this?" I asked, setting my friend and Gandalf to the side. "This is just a mistake of... Identity." My eyes grew in a distant memory. "Pinkie! Get Pinkie! She knows everyone!" Twilight stopped, squinting at me. "Pinkie, is that really Discord?" She asked. In a sudden moment, I was pinned to the ground as the pink mare stared at me. "P-Please... I don't want to be turned to stone or banished to the moon. I'm not Discord; if I was, wouldn't I have started causing-" And then she licked me across the face. She fucking licked me! "Oh god!" I started to spit, wiping my mouth. "My mouth was open! Ooh, I can taste cotton candy. I love it, but it's still gross." "He's not Discord!" Pinkie said. "Discord smells like white fudge. He smells like onions and ranch dressing!" "Pinkie... Why did you just lick him?" Twilight asked. "I don't know. he's just so cute!" 'Shit. Pinkie's flirting with me. Not good.' I thought. "Now that that's out of the way, why not start with introductions? And not kill or banish each other please?" I said, trying to remain calm. "Fine." Rarity said. "I'm-" "Rarity." I interrupted, kneeling as I kissed her hoof. "A pleasure my lady." She blushed and gave a curt nod. Now, Twilight was up. "My name is Twilight Sparkle," she said. "This is Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy. So, who are you?" "Well I'm Matthew." I said. "This is Isiaih, and Gandalf the blue. Who is currently coming into consciousness." The brunette got up, reaching up he rubbed his head. "Where the hell am I?" He said. Cue heart attack number two. "Gandalf, don't freak out, but your in Equestria." I said. "I am not kidding. Now, remain calm since the element bearers are present. And they do have the Elements of Harmony." He blinked a few times before standing, once his vision had cleared in my perspective. His mouth dropped, looked at me and Isiaih and promptly fell back. "Shit... Now he's fainted." I groaned. "So, why not get to know each other as we wait for him to wake up and not freak out? Sound good? Ok!" I said, sitting crossed legged. "Weird pony things!" Isiaih yelled. "Can either of you change me back?" "Change you back?" Twilight asked. "What do you mean? You weren't a pony before?" "No I was not dipshit!" He yelled. "I was turned into a pony! And I hate it!" She furrowed her brow at him. And now he just pissed off the element of magic. "Twilight!" I said, blocking her path to him. "He's just extremely angry because he's here, forgive his language and attitude." She nodded and sat back down at the table, watching us. I scooted Isiaih onto a free spot and carried Gandalf over. Now, we all just sat in an awkward silence. "So," Applejack began. "What brings ya here to Equestria?" "As far as I know," I replied. "I have no clue. I went temporarily blind when it happened. Isiaih, what happened to you?" "I was going to play Halo 4, when, a blue portal comes out of my screen and sucks me in. And now, I'm here, a stupid pony, surrounded by stupid ponies and I'm with you!" He said angrily, attempting to either reach for the salt or my neck. "Right." She nodded. My stomach growled loudly. 'Nice to know I'm still a bottomless pit.' I grinned. "So, I can see you own an apple orchard. Awesome." "Well thank ya kindly. Not many ponies compliment the orchard." She smiled. "Hey! Matt!" Pinkie said. I instinctively leaned my head as far back and as high as I could. "Yes?" I replied. 'Don't lick me. Don't lick me. Don't lick me.' "Can you do any sort of magic too? You know, like when Discord snapped his weird claw or paw? Well, can you!?" The thought never hit me until now. I slowly raised my hand in front of my face, looking at it just as Indiana Jones looked at the Holy Grail. "I have no godly idea." I replied. Slowly, covering my face with my... Flipper? Screw it. I snapped my paw's digits. "What the hell!" Isiaih yelled. "I knew you did something!" I uncovered my eyes and saw Isiaih now human again. He had his white hoodie on, a grey shirt, a pair of jeans. I even got his slightly tanned skin color down. My eyes widened as I did it again. "Yes! I love deviled eggs!" I said as I immediately started shoving them in by two's. And then I choke, and surprise, surprise and to my horror. Pinkie's already leaning over me, pushing my chest. 'I know what comes next...' I nervously thought. She leaned down and put her lips to mine. As soon as she did, I felt like a balloon being inflated. I got a sudden rush of air in my lungs, I bolted up, spitting the partially chewed egg back onto the platter I made. "Oh... Oh never do that again. Please." I said, rubbing my throat. "Well, can't let this go to waste." And then I picked up the partially eaten egg and thoroughly chewed it this time. The mares, except for Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie, all made scrunched up their muzzles. "Hey, I wonder if I could get my book bag?" I thought. "It's already on you." Isiaih said. I looked behind me and saw it strapped to my back. I face-flippered. "So, Twilight, are you going to introduce us to the ruler? Princess Celestia? Or better, princess Luna!" "Your right! Your the only other Draconequus besides Discord! Is it a good thing that she's actually coming over or what?" 'Coming over? No... This cant get better.' I thought, disbelief and hope rising. "She wouldn't happen to be bringing a guest? Would she?" "Yes... How did you know?" Twilight asked. "Because, why else would she come to this backwater town?" We all turned to Gandalf, who was now awake and standing, arms crossed. "The hell are you looking at?" Cue third heart attack. Even if I'm still waiting on the other two. I stood in awe, as I stared at the black shirted man. He had a slight curl to his hair, a whitish skin, no facial hair. A black shirt, blue jeans and some grey sneakers. "Gandalf! Your awake!" I said. "What? My names not-" "Do you want to be called by your real name or something awesome?" I said. "That's not his name?" Twilight asked. "Then what is his name?" "...The baglady74." He said. "But you can call me Gandalf the blue. Now, lets go meet whoever the hell it is were supposed to meeting and I can watch as the shit hits the fan." 'He must be the past baglady... Than that means I could get to hear his commentary live! I hope he says sun butt...' "Come on!" Pinkie said. "Let's go!" "Can't at the moment," Applejack said. "Me and Fluttershy need to go take care of something. Be with yall in a moment." "Please," I put a paw on her shoulder. "Allow me." I snapped my flipper and heard the sound of angry beavers. I smiled and helped Isiaih get unstuck from the table. Who knew it was too small for a human?
He said it! He actually said it!Now, we were all standing in a field. Isiaih was still annoyed by the fact he existed there and the fact that ponies existed, Gandalf was busy imitating him. And he was doing a bang-up job at it too. "This is awesome!" I said, skating around with soap. "This is better than sliding around on socks! But, it's still soap." I grimaced. "So, Isiaih," Twilight said. "You said something about Halo 4, what is that?" He gave a glare at her, stood up told her to go away and sat down, back to her. Fucker, no one disrespects ponies with me nearby. I snapped my paw, which has been identified as a black bears paw, and watched as a miniature thunderclap burst into existence next to him. He jumped, rubbing his ear. He already knew it was me because I did show him I could do it. Lucky I didn't set him on fire. "So, who do you think this guest is?" Twilight asked me. "I think Spike has the right idea." Twilight looked back at Spike as he tugged her tail, eyes mere pin pricks as he babbled on. "Maybe he has a deer antler, a goat leg, a bat wing, and a snake tail!" "Yeah right, that's Discord." She rolled her eyes. 'Fuck to the yes! Hurry up and bring in the statue dammit!' I thought, rubbing my paw and flipper together. I was sure I could taste blood from biting my bottom lip. "Why in the wide, wide world of Equestria would Princess Celestia bring along someone like that?" Rarity asked. "M-Maybe you should ask," he then pointed an index claw at the approaching alicorn and my chaotic idol. "Her!" First she came down, and next Discord. Weird, feels like there's some kind of weird electricity in the air. I hope I don't shock myself with lighting again. Twilight calmly walked up to her mentor, I handed Gandalf and Isiaih some ear plugs. "With all do respect Princess Celestia," she spoke. "How could you bring Discord Here!?" She coughed into her hoof before bowing. "Your majesty..." "I'm fully aware that the last time Discord was here, he created serious havoc." "Alright, who's this supposed to be?" Isiaih asked. "I could ask the same." She said. They both walked up to each other, staring silently. "Isiaih," I said. "Could you not piss off the immortal sun goddess that can easily drop a hale storm of solar heat on us." "There's no way she's immortal." He said. "No, I'm not buying it. Leave me out of anything that has to do with this. I'm just going back to sit on my patch of grass, silently thinking of ways to kill you." "Really?" I asked. "What are you at now?" "Cutting you in half, submerging the living half in acid and then burning the bottom half." He said before going to sit down. "As I was saying," Celestia began. "Yes, I understand; but I have use for Discord's magic if it can be reformed to serve good instead of evil. This is why I brought Discord here, because I believe that you are the ponies who can do just that." "Are you high sun butt?" Gandalf said. The princess stared at him, ever other pony stared intently at him, mouths open. Even the guards looked like they were going to pass out. Me... Well I was on the ground, laughing my ass off. Literally, it was like a scene from The Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy; where Billy, 'studied' his butt off. "The last time he was here, he fucked everyone's day up, he screwed with the weather and he even corrupted you subjects!" Gandalf said. "The hell is wrong with you? I mean seriously, even you couldn't beat him without the Elements, I still remember when that overgrown cockroach kicked you ass at the wedding. With one blast!" "It would be wise to-" she began. Fuck it, no one threatens Gandalf. Besides, Luna is best princess anyway. "Tsk Tsk, Celestia." I said, shaking my head. "You should heed his warning, as cross as it may have been. But he spoke the truth, you cannot deny that. And he just hates ponies." "Your damn right I do!" "Your not helping Gandalf!" I yelled. "Please, continue." "This will never work!" Spike said. "This is a disaster! How will we ever control him!? Were doomed!" "Need I remind you, that you are the ponies who turned him back into stone like this in the first place?" Celestia said. "Yeah," Gandalf said. "You think he's going to feel a little bit wise about the whole Element's of Harmony thing." "I suppose we could just use the Element's of Harmony against him if things get out of hoof." Twilight said. "Well, we probably need a volunteer to run away to get them? I'll do it!" Spike said, attempting to make a break for it. "No need Spike," Celestia said. "I have them right here." She said, as two Solar guards put down the unnoticed chest. "Are they actually in the box this time?" Gandalf asked. "Quiet!" I said. "Wait... How did Twilight get them if... And then how did you... How are you all swapping them!" I yelled. "First they tried to use them on me, and now you show up with them! What's going on!?" "Magic!" Pinkie said. "That and I made replicas with the exact energy signature, I hide them in trees. They're for 'incase of Discord escaping and ruining everything again' emergencies." "That's really specific." Isiaih said. "So, what do they do?" "Do you want the long, or short version?" I asked. "Short." "They shoot out a rainbow that can either banish you, turn you into another state of matter and who else knows what. Basically, it may look girly but it's not something you want to stand in front of." "Still, a rainbow?" He said. "And when I thought it couldn't get any worse." "Lighten up, atleast we didn't land in the Everfree. Otherwise we could have our entrails being eaten by TImberwolves, or a hydra or even turned to stone by a cockatrice." He merely raised an eyebrow as we watched the princess leave. "Ok ponies, guess it's time to get started." Twilight said levitating the elements over. As they charged them up, me and the others we're stepping back. "What are they doing?" Isiaih asked. "Releasing him..." I said, eyes glazing over. The three of us watched, me in wonder, Isiaih in curiosity and Gandalf was bored. Why am I the only one excited dammit!? The stone started to crack, bright light coming out from them, and in one flash, Discord was free. He stretched, yawned and looked bored while leaning down to Twilight. "Well, it's about time somepony got me out from that prison block." He said. "It's really him!" I said. "It's really Discord! I can't believe it!" I yelled. "And who are..." He turned around before his mouth fell open. "You?" "I'm Matthew and a big fan of your work!" I said, shaking his paw. "Matthew!" Pinkie yelled. "I thought you were on our side!?" "I don't take sides," I said. "You'll find me to be the kind of person who helps if they feel like it. And besides, he already shocked me when I shook his... Paw..." Now, me and Discord just stared at each other, our eyes glazed over. We stood there, our paws beginning to glow. His was a dim yellow while mine was a deep crimson. I felt my lips peeled back as my paw started to tingle, his lips pulled back, exposing numerous sharp teeth. I struck forward at the same time he did, we both flew back with a blast of energy. I got up and hunkered down on all fours, I quickly ran over to him, growling and snarling. We both circled each other, occasionally snapping at each other for a reaction. We both straightened out and stared at each other, his eyes looked different. They were a crimson instead of yellow and his red pupils were now the yellow. I wonder what mine look like? We both lunged, and before we could collide, all I saw was a wall of confetti. We both slid across the dirt, groaning in pain. Thankfully, when I opened my eyes, my vision was the same. "What happened?" I asked, rubbing my head. When I looked down in my lap, I saw Pinkie wearing a thin nurse outfit with a medical bag in her mouth. 'No. I refuse to play doctor or be your patient.' I thought. "Fine, you can atleast put a bandage on the cut at the end of my snout." I said, rolling my eyes as she literally, slapped one on. 'The fuck! That hurt just as bad as... Whatever the hell you shot me with!' "Discord, Matthew!" Twilight said, running up. "What happened to you two? First you were buddy, buddy and then you tried to kill each other!" "We did?" Discord asked. "Weird... I've never felt like that before." "What did you feel?" Fluttershy asked. "I felt like..." "You were the most pissed off you've ever been?" I finished. "Yeah, if that means angry. Then yes." He then got up and popped his back, in mid-pop he snapped his tail fluff. "Oopsie." He smiled. "Ok, would you mind telling us what we we're just shot with?" I asked, getting up. "I already have an idea it was Pinkie. I saw a bunch of colored pieces of paper go past me when it hit." "That's because she hit yall with her party canon." Applejack said. "Surprised yall are even standing... Or uh, in Discord's case, flying." I looked up and saw Discord currently lounging in the air. He looked down and grinned, hitting me with a rubber duck. I picked it up, looking at it. "Why did you hit me with a rubber duck?" I asked. "Why not?" He shrugged coming down. "And why is it you think you ponies can reform me?" He said. "And that your putting your faith in this one here." He said, leaning down to Fluttershy and making his eye bug out of a magnifying glass. He disappeared and reappeared next to her, dressed as an elderly lady. "it makes me want to pinch your little horsey cheeks." "How did you know about that!?" Twilight asked. "Being turned to stone, doesn't keep me from hearing every word Celestia says." He said flatly. "Although, I admit, it make rolling my eyes a challenge." He popped out his eyes and threw them on the ground. They landed in two holes and he reappeared from the ground itself. "But you were tuned to stone!" Gandalf said. "Your weren't covered in stone, you were stone. They'd have to drill holes in your ears for you to hear anything. But even then, all they'd find is stone dust!" Discord merely rolled his eyes, blew a raspberry and turned back to me. I averted my eyes quickly before snapping my flipper. I then put on my new pair of shades, I even got a leather jacket to go with it. "So, your a fan huh?" He asked. "What was Pinkies favorite-" "Cotton candy clouds that rained chocolate milk." I replied. "You also made the rabbits grow longer legs, corrupted the mane six, messed with the sun and moon and made the apples huge!" "I'm impressed." He nodded. "You really are a fan. So," he turned to Isiaih. "What are you supposed to be? Some monkey with mange?" "I'm a human, and the one who'll knock that one tooth out of your mouth in a second." Isiaih threatened. I face-pawed. 'Doesn't he realize he's talking to the literal god of chaos? The guy who can do anything with a snap of his talon on paw.' I thought. "Isiaih, while Discord gets suited for a place to live, we need to talk. And It's not optional." He gave a grunt in response. "Stay?" Discord said. "But what about everything I could be doing right now?" He pouted. "Yeah!" Pinkie said. "Don't you do anything funny, but I'm talking about the funny that's not actually funny but mean!" "You wouldn't dare turn me back to stone, and risk upsetting your precious princess!" He said, scoffing the last two words. "Try it! Dipcord." Rainbow said. 'That was just bad.' I thought. 'Dipcord? Really?' "You think you can treat poor, defenseless animals like that and get away with it?" Fluttershy said, raising her voice slightly. "You'd better watch your stuff buster, or else I'll give you... The stare!" She threatened. "Oh no!" He fake panicked. "Please! Anything but your disapproving eyeballs!" Even Isiaih snickered, but he caught himself and kept being bored. "Quite trying to be threatening! Your too cute to be anything else." Gandalf pointed out. And then, I felt like a pair of scissors were pushing into my head. She was giving Discord The stare and now he was gripping his throat, bending every-which-way and that. Now he had calmed down, his eyes swirling with white and red. "Stop... I cant take it anymore..." He said. "I'll do anything you say, because..." He was saying. 'Anything huh?' I thought in Pinkies voice. Wait... I look over at Pinkie and she has a hoof to her chin, looking at nothing. 'Oh no.. Hey, my voice is back and I have an echo! Echo!' And now I'm listening to my own thoughts. And then Discord broke out into laughter, Fluttershy confused as hell and the others still glaring. Well, except for me who is also laughing, Isiaih paying mild interest and Gandalf who atleast has some idea of what's going on. "Well, it looks like I know where I'll be crashing while I'm being," He leaned down to Twilight, making quotations with his fingers. "Reformed." He said mockingly. And now he's giving Fluttershy a noogie. "With you Fluttershy." He laughed. "Oh dear..." She said. 'Hell yes!' I thought. 'Stupid ponies.' Gandalf and Isiaih thought.
Ground rules.I waved as the ponies and Draconequus left, leaving me and my two human companions. "Alright, listen you two." I said impatiently. "You can't just go and insult the natives like that." "I don't care." Isiaih said. "What are they going to do? Shoot me with a rainbow?" "That I have to remind you, can turn you to stone or even banish you off planet. So, what I'm asking is just simple, a small little thing." I said. "Let me do the talking and you two be nice! Or atleast as nice as possible." "Why?" He said. "Otherwise." I gritted my teeth. "I will personally send you into the lair of a dragon." I threatened. "So, be nice or you get turned into a smoking roast." "Fine, I'll be nice to them." He said. "Because I know you'll probably do it anyway. So, what now?" "We go to town." I said. "We're going to a dinner party later. So, what better way than to introduce ourselves to the townsfolk? But, you two might need my protection." "What, why?" Gandalf asked. "Lyra Heartstrings." I said. "She has a thing for humans. A stalking, religious and creepy obsession with anthropology. Mainly, you two. So, I'll probably have to change you two into something. Isiah, what do you want to be?" "I'd prefer to be human." He said. "Sorry, I cant turn an asshole into a human that easily." I said. "Actually..." I rubbed my chin. "That's not a bad idea." Before he could retort, I snapped my flipper and Gandalf jumped away. Isiaih was now a lightly tanned, grade-A jackass. Oh the irony. "Matt! Turn me back!" He yelled, trying to stand on his new knobby legs. "Or atleast turn me into something cool." I rolled my eyes before turning the both of them into griffons. Isiaih had a upper body of black feathers, his lion hide was his usual tanned color. he was slightly smaller to Gandalf than I thought would have been. Gandalf, had a patch of black feathers on his head that curved to the side much like Gilda's. His own feathers below that were a dingy white, his lion hide was a brighter tan than Isiaih's. "Alright, now that were ready, lets go and possible have my own appearance terrify the locals considering they don't even know Discord's out." I said. "I still don't know how to walk on four legs." Isiaih said. "I'm atleast getting to stand." Gandalf said, getting up shakily. "Alright, I think I have this down now." He said taking his first steps. "Hey, this is kind of cool. Aside from it still being something from the show." After a few minutes of watching them stand and take a few steps, they were finally walking at a steady pace. We started our short walk into town, surprisingly, it wasn't but a mile away. You'd think some of the residents would have come to investigate the lights. Right when were entering the town, the locals finally start to look. And they actually look pretty angry. Either that or they have constipation... Wait, they're throwing rocks. "Hey! Quit it!" I said flinching as a mare threw a decently sized one at my head. "Seriously, stop it!" I yelled snapping my paw. The rocks she was now throwing were turned to marshmallows. She looked at them before she started to shake with fear. "Oh don't you give me that look." I said. "First you were mad and now your shaking like a leaf. What? Do you think I'm here to make it start raining lava?" The poor thing just fainted. Now other resident were coming out. With torches and pitchforks. "Alright, fuck it," I said. "This stops now before I get burned alive." I snapped my flipper and every door and window shut, locked. The locals turned wide-eyed, apparently realizing the situation. I snapped it again and their weapons disappeared. "Now you can either sit or stand, your choice." I said. They all sat in unison, shaking in front of me. "Now, I know who I almost look like, but I'm not Discord." I said. "He's actually being reformed at the moment by Fluttershy. My name is Matthew. I guess I'll let the other two introduce themselves." Isiaih walked up and looked at the crowd, who for a bit calmed down. "Um, hey I guess. I'm Isiaih." He said. "I'm Gandalf the blue." Gandlaf said. "That's what I'm usually called, my other name which I do not prefer to be called is theBaglady74." There were a few chuckles from the residents. Good, they finally calmed down. "Ok, now that that's settled, does anyone have any questions?" And a mint green hoof went up. "Yes miss Heartstrings." I said. I could even hear her gasp, slowly she trotted over, wide eyed at Isiah and Gandalf. Wait... Maybe she can detect their original structures through my spell. Oh shit... "Well, I'm Lyra Heartstrings." She said extending a hoof. "It's very nice to meet you two... Especially since I know your not actually griffons." "Not griffons?" Gandalf laughed uneasily. "What else would we be?" "I'm sure Matthew knows exactly what you are," she shot me a grin. A creepy stalker grin. "Since he turned you two into griffons." "Matt!" Isiaih said backing away as she trotted forward. "Do something!" Without thinking, I snapped my flipper again and all I heard was a yelp. "Where'd she go!?" He yelled again. "Did you kill her!?" "I-I don't know!" I panicked. "Wait... I'm invisible!" I heard Lyra yell out. "This is-hey what's that?" I heard a distant flapping and saw Rainbow Dash barreling towards us. "Hey Rainbow, whats up?" I asked. "I saw the torches from a mile away." She said. "Your not terrorizing the locals are you?" "Even if I was, which I still have no intention of doing, you all couldn't do a thing to stop me." I said. "Because, I know where Discord went wrong. I tend to plan out every detail and twist others perspectives. All I would have to do, is send the elements on a one-way trip into space. And poof! Right into a black hole." "Well don't. Hey, is that those two human things from earlier? Why are they griffons?" "I knew they were humans!" Lyra yelled. "Somethings touching me!" Gandalf yelled backing towards me. "I need an adult!" I snapped my flipper and Lyra reappeared. She was currently sitting across the street, freaking out a waiter with a glass. Once he saw the hoof, he looked down and narrowed his eyes. She grinned sheepishly before retreating back into the crowd. "Gandalf, pull something like that again, and I'll turn you into a red slime from Terraria." "I'm serious, something really did touch me. Oh..." He then noticed the leaf stuck on the bottom of his talon. "No one saw anything." He said raising a talon. The crowd burst in a low laughter. "Well, I guess that does it for the initial introductions. And you," I turned back tot he mare. "Do you throw rocks at every all powerful creature who comes into town? I mean really, just really, what possessed you to do that? What thought told you consequences wouldn't be struck upon you?" Ok now the finally awoken mare promptly fainted again. "And your punishment is being excessively trolled." I laughed. "So, Rainbow, I'm guessing Fluttershy and Discord have invited us to dinner?" "Y-yeah... How did you know that?" "I don't want to literally break your minds with the implications." I said. "Atleast not yet." I said. "Here comes Twilight and the others now, and Rarity's wearing her, least expensive dress that will get orange soda on it." My stomach gave another rumble, but not entirely out of hunger. "Oh... I shouldn't have had magic deviled eggs." I groaned clutching the area where my intestines are. "You may want to keep an open flame away from me." The grin on her face told me she was going to do the exact opposite. 'This means war.' I smirked right back. "I hope you like your gravy hot." I whispered under my breath. "Because it's going to be scolding. Probably..."
