Good Game Review: My Little Pony
The Show for Gamers, by Gamers
"Hello, and welcome to Good Game, the show for gamers, by gamers!"
It had been far too long since either of them had sat in their familiar, and decidedly comfy, reviewing chairs. Sure, the summer break was fun, but now it was time to get back into the mix of reviewing games, both good and bad, for the Australian public. With many games to be released this year, such as the latest Bioshock and Grand Theft Auto, they were both equally sure that there wouldn't be any disappointments.
Bajo and Hex both sat there smiling widely at the camera as their first day of filming commenced. The year's first episode was going to be jam-packed, with reviews of Dead Space 3 and Devil May Cry, but they both figured it would be great to start with something a little lighter and smaller, especially considering the recent e-mail that the studio had received from a fellow television star who wished to do a review with them. Considering how popular said star was on the internet, how could they say no? It could only be good for the ratings.
"It's been a long summer break, hasn't it, Hex?" Bajo started, turning to his colleague as the camera began to roll.
"Indeed it has, and we've got a jam packed episode to kick off the year," Hex replied, before listing the games that they would be reviewing. "But first, we have to welcome a special guest reviewer as we take a look at a relatively new mobile game, available for iOS and Android."
Bajo nodded. "Given that the show that it's based on has taken the internet by storm, we thought it only fitting to start off the year with it. Say hello... to My Little Pony."
Footage of the game flashed up on the screens behind them as their 'special guest' trotted into the den of gaming. "Yes," Bajo continued. "The latest incarnation of My Little Pony has garnered a rather large cult following of adult fans since it's debut in 2010, and today we have a star of the show itself to help us take a look at the official game. And that star, of course, is none other than Pinkie Pie."
The pink pony gave a snort and giggle before bounding into an empty chair between the two presenters, beaming at the camera the whole way. "Hey there, everypony! Or should I say, 'everyhuman'! Silly me! Anyway, onto reviewing! Take it away," she exclaimed, motioning to Hex.
"The My Little Pony game is basically your average city-building game, and, well, not much else, to be honest," Hex described. "You invite ponies to your town, collect money from businesses, and complete various objectives." She turned to the pink pony beside her. "I'm curious, Pinkie, how accurately does the game portray your homeland?"
"Well, for the most part, it's pretty good," Pinkie Pie told them. "But the one thing that annoyed me is that the story of the game revolves around trying to stop Nightmare Moon from making the night last forever." She scoffed. "Please! As if we couldn't do it the first time!"
"Back onto the game itself," Bajo said. "On the surface, the game looks and plays quite well, with you able to play games with each of your little ponies in order to level them up, so they can work better jobs." His brow furrowed as he bore an annoyed expression. "But, unfortunately, the game falls into the 'freemium' trap."
Hex nodded in agreement. "Yes, many items and ponies in the game require gems to purchase, which take an ungodly amount of time to earn unless you spend real money on them. Now, this wouldn't be too bad if it was just restricted to unnecessary items, but no, mandatory ponies such as Rarity and Rainbow Dash require a huge amount of gems to get."
"It's just a mean old money-grab," Pinkie concurred. "I mean, I know Rarity considers herself a refined type of pony, but this was just ridiculous!"
The three of them sighed as more gameplay footage popped up on the screens behind us. "You're both right there, guys," Bajo continued. "And that really is the game's downfall. For the first few hours, everything is fine and dandy as you set up shops and homes while tending to your adorable citizens, but when you reach the later quests that sometimes require upwards of one hundred gems to complete, things just become a boring grind."
"It's a big shame," Pinkie complained, looking slightly crestfallen, which was at odds with her usually happy and hyperactive manner. "The big company, Gameloft, had a really great chance to make a fun game and show everyone how exciting and awesome it is living in Ponyville, but in the end they tried to be greedy and force money out of people." She looked up at the camera suddenly, glaring. "That's just horrible."
"So, final thoughts?" Bajo asked them.
Hex thought for a second, before starting. "It's a bit of a deceptive game, really. For a licensed game, they did a pretty good job replicating the look and feel of the show, but the blatant money grab is so off-putting that it's hard to get more than an hour or two of fun out of it. I'm giving it four out of ten rubber chickens." A cartoon of a plastic chicken giving a thumbs down popped up next to her, accompanied by an appropriate sound effect.
Bajo listened to her verdict intently, before beginning his own. "I have to agree with you completely. Many free mobile games can be a lot of fun, while still having some sort of micro-transaction system. This, however, just wasn't fun if you didn't pump any cash into it. It's three out of ten from me." The same graphic appeared next to him as he delivered his conclusion.
The two presenters turned to their equine guest. "So, Pinkie, what's your final score?" Bajo wondered.
"It's disappointing, really," Pinkie said towards the camera. "It would have been so exciting for everyhuman to know what it's like in Equestria, but the developers just got greedy. Plus, all the debris and parapsrites that pop up when you're not playing make it almost impossible to place buildings without wasting more bits. I'm going to give it four-and-a-half out of ten hungry parasprites." A similar graphic to the previous two popped up, albeit replaced by the flying insect Pinkie had referred to. It hovered there for a second, looking as innocent as ever, before swiftly devouring the number next to it and disappearing.
"Well, it's been great having you on the show, Pinkie Pie," Hex announced, smiling to the guest warmly.
"It's been a pleasure to be here. Bye bye, everyhuman!" She grinned and waved, before quickly bouncing out of her seat. As soon as she was out of the camera's frame, she had disappeared. Bajo looked at the spot where she had been for a few seconds, before shrugging and continuing.
"Now, we're going to have a look at the latest entry in the Devil May Cry series..."
