The Actual Story of Richard Pound

by RoseluckyCinor

Rating: mature
Tags: Tragedy, Human, Dark, Romance
Length: 19234

A story about horse detective Richard

A story about horse detective Richard

Don't take anything written here seriously. I wrote this a year ago.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-15 22:50:02 UTC

The Only Chapter He Ever Needed

Richard Pound

in

A Woman Full of Zeal

By: Derk Digler

I remember the time, it was long ago now, but I can still remember now. She was a handsome woman, and the night we met was one to never be forgotten. Karen was her name, and it was one I’d probably never forget in all my life. It was at a little dive called Barney’s. The food was bad, and so was the beer, but I went there anyway. Something always told me I’d find my love there. I know that’s too much to ask for a private investigator like me, Richard Pound. It was around midnight when I saw her. Right after a big case got solved, I was rolling in cash; at least for the time being. I was buying my third round for the bar, when her eyes met mine. It was electric, stunning and erotic.

I wish I wasn’t here, standing over her in the rain, trying to find clues for a case I never wanted. Karen was dead now, and I had to find her killer.

She was still like I remember, young-looking, brown hair, I missed her dearly already. But she was gone, and her killer was gone too, I needed to find him or her, and bring them to justice. Now it was time to do what I do best, dick around.

“I miss you baby.” I whispered softly to her. She must have been stricken on the back of her head as she was getting into her car. There were no traces of footprints or tire tracks going away, the rain may have washed them away, or maybe something more sinister occurred. It was far too soon to tell for sure. Her purse was gone, and with it any evidence of motives. This trail was going cold before it was even there. I would have to check the only place I knew she frequented, Barney’s. As I got into my car, I knew the cops would soon arrive, and take care of the body. They wouldn’t go through all this trouble, for a woman like this, they wouldn’t care, not like me. I headed over to Barney’s; this was going to be a long night.

“’Sup Dick, what brings you back here?” asked Barney, the bartender, as I walked up to the bar.

“I need some information Barney.”

“Why? What happened?” Barney was incredulous; I never brought work into the bar, so naturally he was concerned.

“It’s Karen, Barney, I’m afraid she’s been killed.”

“Oh god Dick… I-I’m so sorry, I knew you two were close…” His empty words bombarded me, I knew he didn’t care that much.

“I just need to know, was she here tonight, did she leave with anyone?”

“Yeah Dick, she’s here every night. I’m not sure she left with anyone, but she went to her friend’s house I think. I think her name was Lindsay, up on DuPont Circle.”

“Thanks Barney, I’ll keep you informed.” I turned away from the bar and headed towards the door. “DuPont Circle? That’s no place for a woman like Karen. What was she doing up there?” I wondered. As I left the bar, I could hear sirens off in the distance. This was so close to the murder scene, I’d have to keep that in consideration for later. I got in my car and headed towards DuPont.

CHAPTER II

I pulled up in front of her house; this was going to be tough. I hoped that she was awake, I wanted to solve this as fast as possible, I don’t think I can stand to live in L.A. any longer after this; this is no longer my home. I went up to and knocked on her door.

“On my way.” I heard from a voice on the inside. Well that settled on thing, she must be having a long day too. I heard the bolt sliding back in the door and it opened up, revealing a petite girl, maybe 5’6”, blonde hair. “Yes, how may I help you?”

“Hello ma’am, I’m detective Richard Pound. I need to ask you some questions about tonight.” I told her and she led me inside to her living room, we both sat down face to face. “Do you know Mrs. Karen?”

“I do, she is one of my friends.”

“Was she here tonight?”

“What is this about detective?” She had a puzzled look on her face.

“I’m afraid Karen has been killed tonight.” I told her deadpan.

“Oh god why? What happened?” She spoke out between sobs. I felt bad for her, she clearly felt a great deal for Karen.

“I’m afraid she was killed as she was getting into her car. I know this may seem personal, but she was a great friend, and lover to me.” I held her hand tightly. “I need your help with this case Lindsay.”

“I know a way I can help you Richard, you need a clear mind, let me clear it for you.” She led me upstairs to her bedroom. She led me her bed and sat me down, “Wait right here ‘Dick’, and I’m going to put on something more comfortable.” This seemed strange to me, as she was already wearing a robe, but being known as Dick Pound, I knew what was going to happen next. She was going to have me have my way with her.

“Here I am Dick; I hope you’re ready for me.” She came in and her whole body was in view. She had a very curvaceous form, I was very turned on, and I was ready to name my name known. She laid on her bed, ready for just a taste of my sexual zeal. I always used my pistol without a safety, and I wasn’t going to start now. “Come on Dick, I need the pound.” She was begging now, they all did eventually. We began the intercourse. Louder and louder she cried for ‘Dick’s dick’, I was doing only a moderate job, a basic thrusting motion. Soon she was done on her back, and decided to go on all fours, “Take it from me Dick, pleeeease.” Her face was red now, with sweat pouring down, I was almost smitten, but I still knew what I had to do. I took my position and put my gun in the holster, and began ‘The Pound’, a move only select women got, and Lindsay was going to be in that club. About 30 minutes later, she was exhausted, and full of zeal. “Oh my god Dick, it was a good as she said…”

“She told you?!” I was shocked, I thought Karen a classier lady than that, but I guess I was wrong.

“Yeah, she always talked about you, and how no one would ever match you.”

“I-I never realized she still felt that way…” A downtrodden look crossed my face. I thought she hated me, but she had been in love with me? “I need your answers Lindsay, where did she go after she came here?”

“I’m sorry Dick, but I don’t know where she went after this. I thought she was going home.” This was terrible news! She just went home? How could this happen, a random murder, and unlucky night? Oh god no.

“Did you know anyone who would want to hurt her? Please Lindsay; think as hard as you can.”

“I think there was one guy who kept following her, at least that’s what she believes. I thought it was crazy. But you may need to check that out. I think she said that guy had a car with plate ‘122345’.”

“Thank you so much Lindsay, I’ll check that out immediately.” I got out of bed and put on my pants, ready to head to the DMV.

“Dick, if you ever need anything, just come here.” She said as I left the house. I’d keep that in mind, it was something you had to do these days.

Chapter III

The DMV is closed this late; I had to wait until morning for this to continue. How badly I wanted to wake up from this nightmare, and know that she was alive. It was time to go home, and try to grasp tendrils of sleep, to put myself out of this hell. I drove to my small 3 room apartment, and went inside as soon as possible. I took a shot of whiskey; nothing seems to cure the insomnia anymore but alcohol. My sad state was something no one else has seen. When I leave this apartment, I put on a façade, that of a professional private eye. No one understands the hurt inside, and now it is unbearable, Karen is dead, probably the only woman I’ll ever truly love. I laid awake on my bed, feeling the pains of sadness overwhelm me. This was going to be a long night.

I woke up to the bright rays of the noon day sun. I put on some of my fresher clothes and headed to my car. I felt hungry, and decide to hit up my favorite eatery named, The Shoppe. It was only a few blocks away, so I decided to walk instead of drive. Upon my arrival, I sat at the bar and ordered my usual, some bacon with white toast, and rye whiskey of course. Suddenly behind me, there is a gunshot and the sound of falling glass.

“Everyone freeze, this is a hold-up!” said a woman as she walked through the door she just made in the window. “I need all your money and valuables! Put them into the sack.” She was quite determined in this endeavor, but I couldn’t her go through with it.

“Listen lady,” I said as I turned around in my bar stool, “you can’t do this, you’ve got to think about this.”

“Listen man, you don’t know anything about this, or my life! So get off my back.” She angrily declared.

“I know a lot more than you think, I’m private eye Richard Pound, and I can help you.”

“So you’re a dick Dick?” she asked me amusedly, “just so you know, I have heard of you, and let’s just say if you live up to your name, I’ll stop all this.”

It looked like this was going to get physical. I pondered on the fact that she had heard of me before… I didn’t think I slept with so many women, and I always made sure not to rush into things, at the start anyway.

“Ok miss, I’ll give you the 10 Pound Special, just promise you’ll keep your word, about the robbing and such.” As I undid my belt, and readied my gun; I knew that this was going to be tough. I had just drunk a lot of whiskey, another reason they called me Richard Whiskey, Dick Liquor for short. She was staring at it now; I don’t think she had ever seen one of quite a size. As she grabbed a hold, I thought this was going to get rather old soon; seeing as she black haired, and only a 9, with cherry red lips.

“Dick, please give me the special!” she said as she took off her pants in the middle of the bar.

“I gave you a promise, and I’ll kept it, as long as you keep yours.” I picked her up and laid her down on the bar top. I put it to her, and began what I was second best at, dicking around, which is second only to Dicking around. Soon I could tell that she was really into it, moaning and gyrating, begging for more and more. The least I could do was give it to her. I began to thrust harder and faster, until finally I came to my sense of zeal, and was done.

“Oh my god Dick, no wonder they call it a special.” She said between gasps of air. With a sudden burst of realization, I remember why that name, 10 Pound Special, came to me. Only one person ever called it that, Karen.

“What do you know about Karen!?” I demanded as I removed myself and put on my pants.

“What? N-nothing, we were just friends I guess.” She looked both shocked and hurt, and maybe a little confused.

“Listen lady, I don’t know much about you, except for a few intimate things, but I need to know what you know about Karen! She’s been killed, and I need answers.”

“Ok ok, I’ll tell you everything I can think of, but you’ll have to visit me later, I live on 69 Back Alley Lane. Come see me tonight.”

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind Miss.” I turned and walked away from her, leaving her to pick herself off the counter. It was time to go to the DMV; I had been putting off for long enough. I went back to my apartment building and got into my car, and headed along.

Zealing the DMV

As soon as I arrived, I could tell that it was going to be a long wait. At the DMV, there is always a long wait. There were at least 50 people in front of me in line, mostly women getting their licenses I thought, pretty cute. I took up my spot behind a pretty girl, maybe 20 or 21, long blonde hair, nice build.

“How are you doing today?” I asked in a genuine caring voice.

“Oh uh, fine I guess.” She wasn’t keeping eye contact. That wasn’t good.

“That’s good, I’m just doing my thing too you know? By the way, my names Richard Pound, a private eye.”

“Oh really? That’s pretty cool. I’m just getting my license; it’s really exciting! Oh, and my name is Christina, Chris is you like.” She was starting to warm up to me. If I can keep this conversation going, I wouldn’t be here for long.

“I remember getting my license that was a great day. It was also probably one of the best decisions of my life.”

“That’s cool, I don’t have a car yet, no money, and I guess I just want to have the option later in life.” She told me, she was looking me in the eyes now. “I’m hoping it will help me find a guy, I have no luck in that field.”

“I’m sure a pretty girl like you can find a guy anywhere, but I doubt their worthy of your beauty.” She was blushing now, and I was feeling a little something for this girl.

“you seem like a pretty nice guy, do you have a girl?” She was flirting hard now, time for a game I guess.

“I’m afraid not, and if I did, she wouldn’t be nearly as nice as you.”

“well thank you Di-uh Rich.”

“No please, call me Dick if you like, it’s ok.”

“Well, I sure will.”

“You know, this line isn’t moving anywhere, so why don’t we sit somewhere else. Maybe somewhere more private.” She nodded, and we went to one of the mail rooms.

“This is sure nice Dick, and this room has good output, do you have a nice input?”

“I sure do ma’am.” She was undoing her lady pants so I could her lady parts. I undid my man pants, so she got the whole glory of my Johnson. She was ready when I came closer, ready for me to things that must be done. I began the intercourse. In and out, she was moaning softly with the thrusting. I knew this was a special girl, so I used my robotic bits, and began ‘drilling’.

“oh my god” she cried in ecstasy. For some reason, I was enjoying It too, not just in the physical way, but I felt lin love with this woman, with Chris. This was going to be trouble, I could tell; but what is the harm in a little self reward?

“噢，迪克，你這麼好。”她在狂喜。但我也感覺這個女孩的東西，因為凱倫離開我，我沒有感到的東西。“哦，上帝迪克，哦，上帝”。她呻吟我的名字一遍又一遍。我想，拼命給她更多的，但我盡我所能。一個真正的震撼人心的經驗。

It felt like it had been merely minutes, when it had been hours, and in fact the DMV was closed now; perfect time for investigatory work.

“Come on Chris, help me look for a plate number. I feel like we are in this together.” I took her hand and we went to find the files. It was a little past 7, and the sun was still peeking throught the window so we had no need to use the lights. “I’ll look in these cabinets, you look in the others.” I told her without turning around. I don’t think I could look at her without succumbing to passion all over again.

“Look Richard, over here.” She had found the file, we were close to closing this case; once and for all. “It says that plate belongs to Jenson Meyer address 182 Beaker street. I knew it was time to go, and time to go fast.

“Let’s go Chris.” And then we went. Beaker street was only a few miles away. WE got in my car and began the short drive, I wanted to know more about her, so I began to ask some questions.

“Where are you from Chris?”

“I’m actually from Alaska, but my dad wanted to move here for a job.”

“That’s very interesting. Do you have a job?”

“No, I don’t.” she said strongly, for a women.

“Well, would you like to work for me, As a detective assistant? I’m not dicking around anymore.”

“Oh god, I’d love to be your assistant!” She was ecstatic.

What a great moment; this beautiful creature was going to be working with me, and one day we could move into marriage.

“Oh look, were almost here.” She said abruptly.

“That’s good.” I said. We pulled over to the curb in front of his house. We strode up to the door. “Don’t say too much, not until you learn more.”

“I learned an awful lot from you today, in the DMV.” She was blushing a whole lot. I candle Spaceship word.

“Chris, did I forget to mention I have a spaceship?”

“What?? What is that?”

THE TRUTH OF ZEAL

“I have a spaceship, I’ll tell you more later.” We had reached Jenson’s door. We knocked on the door and waited, a minute later the door opened.

“Hello? Who are you?”

“Mr. Meyers, I’m detective Richard Pound, and this is my assistant Christine. Would you mind if we asked you some questions?”

“Wh-what is this about?” His eyes were looking from side to side, sweat started to glisten on his brow.

“Karen is dead Jenson, and I know you;ve got something to do with it. So tell us what you know!” I pushed him through the door and onto one of his chairs. “This is going to be rally bad for oyu if you don’t tell me what you know!”

“K-karen? I don’t know that name…”

“Bullshit Jenson. I know you;ve been stalking her for a good while.”

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“Who told you?”

“No one you know about. Where were you last night?”

“I-I was here, alone.”

“Stop lying to me Jenson, you’ve been stalking Karen for months now; was tonight the night you finally killed her?

“I could never kill Karen… I loved her.”

“She never loved you Jenson, you probably knew that; so you thaught that if you couldn’t have her, no one could.”

“No it wasn;t me, you HAVE to belive me!”

“Why should I Jenson? Everything lead up to you, you don’t even have an alibi.” I put handcuffs on him. “Chris call the police, and have them pick up this scumbag.”

About an hour or so later, Chris and I were driving back to her place to drop her off for the night.

“Dick, I don’t see why I can’t stay with you.” She had a mournful expression in her voice.

“Chris, Its just not right yet, maybe in a few days. Also, I see you in the morning, we’ve got to close this case once and for all.” Soone we had arrived at her house and we sat in the car for a bit.

“You know Dick, you never told me what a space ship was.”

“I’m sorry about that Chris, but I’ll tell you now. I’m not who I appear to be, a warm-blooded human, but I’m actually half man, half machine.”

“What? How can that be?”

“I was one the job once, when a madman threated some school children with a makeshift bomb, I decided that those kids were worth more to the world than me, so I tackled the madman and the bomb exploded, but no completely nearly half of my body was destroyed, but I was remade in the lab of some scientists.”

“Oh Dick, I don’t mind. I’m in love with you.” She embraced me in a hug.

“I knew you’d understand Chris.” I walked her to the door. “Thanks for all the help today Chris, I’ll pick you up at 8 tomorrow.” I kissed her goodnight and she walked into her house. She was the bees-knees. I walked back to my car, and headed to my favorite dive, Barneys.

Zeal Falls Apart

“Hey Dick, did you hear about Karen?”

“I know Barney, I found her killer.”

“No Dick, She’s not dead!”

“WHAT?”

“I just heard it on the radio, she came awake in the mortician’s car, she was just knocked out.” He had come around the bar and held me tightly. “She’s getting out of the hospital in a few days, I think you should see her.”

“I definitely will.” I didn’t know what to think, I had to go home now. This was terrible, and yet simply good. I got in my car and headed to my apartment. How could these two days have been so crazy?

I was back at the apartment, so I parked my car and went inside. I felt so strange; how could Karen be alive? What was I to do with Chris? MY life was falling apart; I was in love with Chris, and Karen. I grabbed my bottle of whiskey and drank heavily, trying to get it all out of my mind. The alcohol affected me already. I laid my head down to sleep and did.

When I woke up, I rememebrred the terrible pain of yesterday. I went to my favorite place, The Shoppe. Where I would eat my traditional breakfast of Bacon and Toast, with whiskey. Oh no, did I forget Chris?? I looked at the clock, its 7:50, I drove to her house as fast as possible, to pick her up for breakfast.

“Dick I-I thpought you ween’t going to mke it, I sws s wrrid.”

“No Chris, I would never forget about you Chirs, I love you.”

“That’s good , I love you too Dick!” We walked to my car and drove back to The Shoppe; to get breakfast. She got an omlette, I got more whiskey.

“Dick why do you drink so much Whiskey?”

“I drink it to forget.”

“Forget about what?

“Oh, you know, the past.”

“What happened that was so bad in the past?”

“Well, There used to be a woman, but she is gone from my life now.”

“Oh that’s sad Dick.”

“Let’s go collect the bounty for the arrest, from our contractor.”

“Ok Dick.” So we finished and we drove away to the house of the the contractor. We walked ina demanded the money for finding KArens now assailent in stead of murdereer aseeing as she was no longer murdered, but only assailed. We were given $10,000 and told to fuck off, she wasn’t you dead you bicth.

“That guy was an asshole” said Chris, in a sexy voice.

“I know.” I responded sexily. She took off my coat. Sie unholster meine Waffe aus meiner Hose und fing an zu lecken und in den Schacht. Sie besonderes Augenmerk auf den Kopf, und auf und ab bewegt.

"Lieber Gott, Chris" Es war Ekstase wie. Erstaunlich und pleasuring, war sie erstaunlich gut für eine Jungfrau. bevor ich es wusste, war ich schießen heiße Blei in den Hals. Ihr Stöhnen der Freude durch meinen Schwanz Würgen Mund gedämpft.

“Dick, I’m so lucky to have you.” Said Chris. Little did she know how lucky it was that I had her. I was love with this girl, I wanted marriage. But then a new thought entered my head, a thought of Karen.

“Let’s go to the hospital Chris, ive got to see a friend of mine, Karen.” We drove off to the hospital, I was excited to be able to see her again, but how would she react to Chris.?

Once we got the the hospital, we went to Karen’s room immediately.

“Dick, its you…” she said as I entered the room, “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“Karen, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.” I was nearly tearing up at this point. I movede closer to embrace her.

“Wait Dick, what are you doing?” She did not seem happy to see me.

“Karen, I thought you’d want to see me.” I could tell I was tearing up, Chris had no idea what was going on.

“Dick, things are different now. I don’t know if I can do this again.” She was crying now; I felt horrible inside. “Dick please, just go now ok? I’ll send for you when I’m ready.”

I led Chris out of the room and down back to the car. I sat there for a good few minutes. Chris put her hands around me and tried to console me, but I could barely feel it.

I started driving, not back to my apartment and not back to Chris’ house. I had nowhere to go; she didn’t love me anymore. I was hitting 80mph now.

“Dick slow down!” Karen shouted, no that was Chris. I am so confused. Cars and people go whizzing past me. I can’t even comprehend what’s in front of me. “Dick watch out!”

“Wha-“

Part II: Electric Bugaloo

“Oh my head” I grunt out. “Where am I?” I look around; I must be in a forest. How did I get here? I stand up but something is different. I can’t hold myself on two legs, what’s going on? I look at my legs; they have become long stubs, knees almost invisible unless flexed. My arms are like this too, no hands just stubs, hooves maybe.

“I must be going crazy. This isn’t happening.” I stand up again, on my four legs. It’s such a weird sensation but I persevere. I have to find Chris. She can’t be alone in a forest like this.

“CHRIS” I shout out into the forest. I start walking in a direction. I want to think its north, but I can’t be that lucky. The sun starts to set after a few hours of walking. “Chris are you there?” I shout hopelessly. I can’t be out here alone for the night, and neither can she. Suddenly I hear a voice come from the bushes.

“I might know of the one you seek, but first I must see the one to speak.”

“Who’s there?” I was terrified, I appear to be a horse and now someone is talking to me in rhymes from a bush.

“What are you doing out here a night? It is very dangerous without some light.” Light pours from the bush as a figure walks out of it. She is about my height and looks like a zebra.

“A zebra?” My jaw hangs open and I’m in disbelief.

“That’s true, but who are you?” She was a zebra with a few gold rings around her neck and a strange mark on her rear.

“My name is Richard Pound and I’m a detective. I was rude earlier, I’m sorry. Who are you?”

“My name is Zecora, Dick. We should get to my house quick.” She led me through the forest for a few minutes until I got to her house. It looked more like a hut but I didn’t say that to her.

“Er Zecora, where am I?” I asked her after she sat down on a stool. The stools didn’t look like they were meant for people. Are there only horses here?

“You are in the Everfree Forest. Are you a tourist?”

“I’m not a tourist as I don’t plan on staying here long. I don’t really know how I got here to be honest. I woke up lying in a small clearing a few hours that way.”

“That’s very strange, a faraway range. You should check out the town, a place where answers can be found. But now is time for you to sleep, In my bed you will be asleep.” She motioned over to her bed. I got inside and she did as well.

“I should let you take the bed, I’m just a guest.” I said bashfully. It felt odd for some reason.

“We’ll sleep here for the ground is stony, and I would never turn away a fellow pony.” And with that she rolled over and drifted to sleep.

What is going on with my world? This is madness. Ponies can’t talk, and I’m certainly no pony. I can’t remember too much from before I woke up, it’s all really fuzzy now.

I awake the next morning to an empty bed. I wonder where Zecora is. As soon as I turn around I hear her door open and she enters with a purple pony with dark purple hair, and a strange horn.

“Good morning Zecora and friend.”

“Good morning to you Richard, Twilight this is pony of whom you’ve heard.” Zecora says as she leaves her hut.

“Thank you Zecora.” Twilight says to Zecora as she leaves. “Now for you Richard, I’m Twilight Sparkle and Zecora tells me you can’t remember how you got here.”

“That’s certainly true, I don’t even know where I am.”

“That’s ok, I can help you. Just tell me what part of Equestria you’re from.”

“Equestria? What’s that?” She was looking at me like I am retarded.

“You know, place you’re in.”

“I thought this was the Everfree Forest” More stupid looks.

“Yes but the Forest, Canterlot, and Ponyville and all the like are in Equestria.”

“Oh I get it.” I sort of didn’t.

“Well, I can help you more with my magic back at the library.”

“Magic? There is no such thing as magic.” I laughed a little.

“Yes there is, us unicorns can use magic.”

“That’s stupid, there are no such thing as unicorns.” She looked shocked at this.

“Oh yeah? Well then try this on for size.” Suddenly I felt myself being lifted into the air.

“What are you doing?” I was getting pretty worried now.

“Just a little bit of magic. Do you believe me now?”

“Yes yes I believe you! Please let me down.” I was gently lowered to the ground. “That was crazy.”

“Yes, some may see it that way. Now will you come with me to my library? Or do you want to not remember anything forever?”

“Yeah, I’ll come with you. Thank you so much for helping me Twilight.” We exited Zecora’s hut and started walking towards Twilights supposed home. I couldn’t help but notice the swaying of her flank.

An hour or so later we arrived at the outskirts of a town. She told me that it was Ponyville on my way over and told me of how she came to stay there.

“Hey Twilight! Watch out!” came from a cry overhead. Suddenly Twilight was hit with a flash of rainbow and went crashing a few feet down the road.

“Are you ok?” I cried out.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Came her weak reply.

“Who is this, Twilight?” The new pony was a light blue with a short rainbow mane. The mark on her flank shows a rainbow lightning bolt.

“This is Richard, Rainbow.” She said while pointing at me.

“Hi Rainbow.” Is all I could manage.

“Hello there new guy. I’m sure you’ll like Ponyville, and if you need a cloud cleared, I’m your girl!” And with that she rose back into the sky and flew away.

“That certainly was weird.” I began to follow Twilight again.

“To be honest Dick, I can call you that right? That sort of thing happens a little too often. But Rainbow Dash is a really nice pony once you get to know her.” We started once again to her home.

“How many people are like that here?” I asked her sincerely, not wanting to get hit from the sky.

“Oh in Ponyville there aren’t too many pegasi, mostly earth-ponies like you and unicorns.”

“Well that’s good I guess.” In a couple of minutes we arrived at a strange treehouse structure.

“This is it.” She said as she opened the door and walked inside. I followed her inside and looked around. The place was practically wall-to-wall books. With a single bed on a higher level.

“Not someone The Dick likes.” I muttered under my under my breath.

“What did you say?” Twilight asked, giving me a stupid look again.

“Oh, nothing.” What had I said? I don’t think I talk like that. “When do we try this magic thing for my memory?”

“We’ll have to do that in a few days I’m afraid. We need a new moon and ours was recently full.”

“That’s too bad.” I was pretty sad now, I wanted my memories back. Twilight must have noticed I was pretty sad too.

“It’s ok Dick. You’ll get your memories back soon. Why don’t you tell me what you do remember? That will make you feel better.”

“Ok. I remember being in a hospital talking to someone, and that’s really all I remember, just leaving and then nothing.”

“Well that’s too bad, maybe you should sleep on it Dick.” She led me upstairs to her bed. “You can sleep here with me.”

“I can’t do that, you barely know me. I barely know you.”

“It’s fine Dick. I’m going to take a nap too; we walked all day.” We both got into her bed and got comfortable. A few minutes later, after she thought I fell asleep, she started to snuggle up to me. She had a warm, soft coat. I wasn’t all that tired, but I wasn’t about to move her off me. For some reason, I think I could myself fall in love with this little pony, Twilight. In return I cuddled close to her and put my head on her neck. Her very purple mane was very soft and taken care of. I felt myself drifting off to sleep in her embrace.

More Love for Dick

It’s night when I wake up, the windows are dark and there are no lights on. Twilight senses my stirring next to her and wakes up as well.

“Are you hungry, Dick?” She nuzzles my neck.

“Yeah, I haven’t eaten since who knows when.” It’s true, I don’t remember that last time I ate.

“I know a good place in town. I ate there when I got tickets for the Grand Galloping Gala.”

“The Grand what? That doesn’t matter now. I don’t have any money Twilight.”

“It’s ok, I got you covered.” She gets out of bed and I follow. “I’ll ask Rarity if she wants to come too. It’s one of her favorite places.” We headed outside. Ponyville sure is pretty at night. As it turns out Rarity’s house was only a few minutes away from Twilight’s.

As we stepped inside the house I could hear Rarity yelling out to Twilight.

“Oh it is simply a delight that you’re here, Twilight. What brings you here though?” Twilight was heading upstairs to meet her in her room or something. I started to look around her rather huge main room. It was full of pony mannequins. I guess she was a dress maker or something of that job.

“… this new guy named Dick? What does he look like?” I could hear Rarity ask Twilight as they walked downstairs. She had an elegant, purple mane, with a white coat and diamond pictures on her flank.

“Hello Rarity, my name is Dick. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She raised her hoof as I said this. So I kiss it like a man would.

“Oh my Dick, you are simply too much.” She says as she blushes.

“Well are you ready to go, Dick? Rarity said she’d love to come with us.” Twilight says as she comes up to us.

“You’re going out like that Dick?” Rarity looks at me in disbelief.

“Uh, yeah?” I was a bit confused, don’t I look ok?

“Well you’re mane is very dirty, and it looks like you’ve never bathed. And what’s that cutie mark mean?” She was staring at my flank.

“Cutie mark?” More retarded looks from both of them.

“You know, the thing on your flank. Tells us what you’re good at.” I looked at my flank but I couldn’t get a good look.

“Here, use my mirror.” Rarity leads me to her mirror. I can see myself clearly for the first time. My coat is a whitish-gray and my mane is black. My ‘cutie-mark’ looks like a badge.

“Oh, I guess I’m good at solving things out.” I looked back at them; I’m pretty smart I guess.

“Not from what I’ve seen. But let’s go get food, I’m so hungry.” Twilight leads us out to the town and we head to the restaurant. Twilight and Rarity talk about pony things I guess. I can almost hear them whisper my name but I’m not sure.

We seat ourselves once we get to the restaurant; I guess these two come here often. The place was called Prancing Pony, so funny.

“Dick, you simply must try the Wheat Wellington. It’s to die for.” Rarity said to me. I looked over the menu; there didn’t seem to be any meat.

“Do you peop-ponies eat steak or anything?” I got a strange look from both of them. Why am I so dumb? Ponies don’t even EAT meat.

“No, we don’t. Just grass and stuff.” Twilight said to me finally.

“I guess I’ll try the wheat wellington then.” We placed our order and soon the food arrived. The waiter placed what appeared to be bread in front of me. I sort of poked at it.

“Are you not hungry, Dick?” Twilight looked at me with a little bit of worry.

“No it’s fine. I’m just getting myself ready for it.” I took a bite of the bread thing. It tasted like white bread. “This is pretty good.”

“Yes it is Dick. Twilight, if you don’t mind can I borrow Dick and wash him up? He’s absolutely unkempt.”

“I guess that’s alright, Rarity. As long as Dick doesn’t mind.”

“I don’t mind Twilight. I could use a bath.”

We finish up the meal and I head back with Rarity to her house.

“Come with me, dear. I’ll get you cleaned up.” She led me upstairs to her bathroom and filled the tub with water. Her tub was easily large enough to fit three Raritys. It was made of marble and had elegant designs of fancy ponies on it. “Just get in dear. In fact, I think I’ll join you. I could use a bath myself.”

So there we were both in the bath. She started to wash out my mane with some fancy shampoo she had lying around. It felt really nice. It was kind of awkward sitting in the bath with four legs.

“Will you wash my mane for me, dear?” I grabbed the shampoo and started to rub it into her hair. She started to purr a little bit from the rubbing. “That’s really good, dear. Won’t you wash my coat?” I grabbed on the soaps and started to brush around her coat mainly her forelegs, shoulders and neck. She made more of that excited purring. “Get my back, dearie.” I rubbed the soap in farther and farther along her back. I stopped at her flank, above her cutie mark.

“Keep going, dear. I wish to be cleaned.” I started to wash her back legs and her flank. It felt kind of awkward but I didn’t tell her that. As I was doing the inner thighs of her legs, she continued to make those happy little squeaks. Finally I was at the base of her tail. Her Love was wet from the bath water. I put the soap to the outer area and began to wash it. Her soft coos started to become louder and louder. As I got closer and closer to her Love she became more and more energetic.

“Oh God, Dick!” Rarity seemed pretty into now, but I wasn’t sure. She is a pony after all. “Buff my gems, Dick!” I stood up and mounted her. Her Love was incredible easy to PENETRATE. As I bucked to and fro, she was feeling really great. I could tell she liked my horse-sized pony dick. Her Love was convulsing around my dick now. I could feel myself reaching climactic endings. Suddenly I did.

I sat back down into the bath.

“That was amazing, Dick.” Rarity said as she laid on me.

“I really like you, Rarity.” I said post-coitus. We got out of the bath and moved to her bed.  She fell asleep in my hooves. I fell asleep soon after.

It was noon when we woke up.

“Good morning, Dick.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and pulled me in closer.

“Good morning, my princess.” I returned her kiss. We stayed in the bed cuddling for a good while. Then I remembered Twilight. “Sorry for this Rarity, but I’ve got to go now. I’ll see you again really soon I promise.” I got out of the bed and headed back to Twilight’s.

“Twilight! I’m sorry. I lost track of time.” She looked pretty mad at me.

“I thought you were just going to take a bath. What made you spend the whole night?”

“Rarity wanted to make some clothes for me.” I lied.

“So you spent all night at Raritys making clothes?” She was pretty mad.

“It took a while and I was really tired. I just slept over, I’m really sorry Twilight.” I really was.

“Whatever, I’ve got to take care of some stuff on my To-do list, I’ll see you back here around 8. Right?” It wasn’t a question, I could tell that much.

“Yes, Twilight.” I lowered my head and walked out the door. So I had about 7 more hours until I had to meet Twilight again, and get yelled at. I had next to no idea who anyone was. I started to walk around, wanting to just pass the time. Just then a pink thing crashes into me.

“Oh my, I’m sooo sorry but I just had to get to know you! I’ve never seen anypony who looked like you around Ponyville!” Said the pink pony to me.

“Oh, that’s ok I guess. My name is Richard. What’s your name?”

“My name is Pinkie Pie! How soon did you move to Ponyville? What brings you here? Do you like to party?” She was bouncing around in circle. She was a pink pony with balloons for a cutie mark. Her mane was also pink and very bushy.

“I actually just came here yesterday. I kind of live with Twilight for now. I guess partying is pretty cool; I’ve never really had one.” At that last line, she looked at me in disbelief.

“What do you mean you’ve never had a party?! I’ll have to throw you one immediately. How about tonight?”

“Oh uh, I don’t think I can. Twilight is pretty mad at me as it is. I don’t think it would be ok for me to party, at least not tonight.” She looked sad at that. I felt pretty bad.

“Definitely tomorrow then! Say, what are you doing out here all alone?” She was walking close to my side.

“Oh, I just had a little fight with Twilight. She’s kind of mad at me, and I don’t really know anyone else.” I didn’t mention Rarity to avoid any awkward scenarios.

“Well I’ll introduce you to some of our friends! Come with me!” She bounced away to the outskirts of Ponyville, I followed suit, sans bouncing.

After a few good minutes we came across what appeared to be an apple orchard.

“Applejack! Where are you?” Pinkie Pie was calling this off into the trees.

“Who is Applejack?” I asked her.

“Applejack is one of our friends. She’s great! She runs this orchard with her family; Big Mac, Applebloom and Grannie Smith.”

“Howdy there, Pinkie Pie.” A Brownish pony with blonde hair walked out of the trees. She had apples for a cutie mark and a nice hat. “Who is this here fella’ Pinkie Pie?” She asked her looking at me.

“This is Richard! I met him in town. He said he’s a friend of Twilight.”

“Well any friend of Twilight is a friend of ours. Hello there Richard.” She had a pretty cute southern accent. I liked her freckles too.

“Hello Applejack. So you run this entire farm? Must be a lot of work.” She seemed to blush.

“Well it is a lot of work, but we make do. Come on, you two must be hungry. I’ll get some apples.” She walked to the nearest tree and gave it a might kick from her hind legs. Several apples fell to the ground. “Here you two go. Here’s some nice, fresh apples.” Both Pinkie and I came over and picked one up. I bit into it; it was a pretty nice apple.

“These are some good apples Applejack.” She blushed some more. What is with all these ponies and blushing?

“Well thank you, Richard. I do my best to make it all taste nice.” That was an odd choice of words.

“Oh my! Would you look at the time! I have to get back to the Cake’s! Bye!” Pinkie Pie ran off back to Ponyville. Everypony here is so weird.

“It looks like it’s just you and me, Richard.” She sort of sidled up next to me.

“Yeah, I guess so. So what’s it like having to take care of this entire farm?”

“Oh, it’s a lot of work, but it keeps me lean and strong.” She was awfully close now. I had an idea where this was going.

“I bet it does. Do you think I could get a drink of water or something? In your house or something.” She was caught on to my hint.

“Sure thing, sugar cube. I got just the thing at the ranch house.” She leads me up to her house down the dirt path and into the kitchen. I can see that she is pretty tired from the work she’s done today.

“You look tired Applejack; maybe you should take a nap.”

“Oh its ok, I’m not tired… yet.” She gave me a sly look. This wasn’t happening again was it?

“I think I know something to get you tired.” It totally was.

“Well why don’t we see if that will work?” She led me upstairs to her room and laid down on her back on her bed. Her lithe body shimmers in the sunlight. Her stomach muscles taut from hard work. I put my body against hers and kissed her on the lips. She put her fore hooves around me and pulled me in close. I could feel myself getting stiff.

I slowly put my dick to her Love. She moaned softly as it PENETRATED her. Her Love was very tight. It was hard to fit my dick all the way inside of her. I started bucking to and fro inside of her. She was very into it; crying my name out softly and biting into my neck.

I could feel her muscles tighten around my shaft as she came for the first time. Soon she came for the second time as I did inside of her.

“Oh Dick, you were right. That was a workout.” She climbed under her sheets and fell fast asleep. I felt awkward just standing there so I headed back to Ponyville.

It must have been around 5 by the time I got back to Ponyville. As I walked through what I assumed was the park, I noticed a small green pony sitting in the most peculiar way.

“Hello there, Miss.” I meant to tip my hat, but I forgot I didn’t have one. She chuckled.

“Hello there. I don’t think I’ve met you before. My name is Lyra. What’s yours?”

“My name is Richard Pound. I am new in Ponyville, as today is only my second day.”

“Well I hope you like it here, Dick.” She didn’t seem to be into me like all the other ponies. This was strange, she was looking away as I stood and thought. I turned around 360 degrees and walked away.  I thought that all these ponies were into me. I guess that wasn’t so.

I felt a little bad as I walked away, and lonely. I was pretty lonely. I had a strange want for some good old whiskey. I was wondering the best place to get some for free when I head a slightly familiar voice from the sky.

“Hey slowpoke! What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash was descending and came to land next to me. To be honest, I always thought Rainbow Dash was very pretty.

“Hey there, Rainbow. I don’t think we were ever really introduced. My name is Dick Pound.” She blushed at my name.

“That’s quite the name you got there, Dick. What are you doing?”

“I’m just walking around. I met Applejack at her farm today. She’s really nice.”

“Hehe, yeah she is! Did you fuck her? I see what you got there!” She was pointing at my dick.

“Whoa, I don’t know if it’s alright to tell or not.”

“It’s ok, man. We all like A.J.” She was giving me a sly nod.

“What.” What is going on????

“Yeah, well I can’t speak for everypony. But I personally find her pretty attractive. I wouldn’t be surprised if a big pony like you did too.”

“I guess, yeah. We did have sex.” I was blushing now.

“Heh, I bet she enjoyed that. Did she come at all?”

“Uh, yeah.” I wasn’t comfortable with this question line at all.

“You know, I’d like to see what she found so good.” She was coming closer to me and snuggling up to my neck. “I don’t know where we could do it, though. You can’t walk on clouds can you?”

“I don’t think so.” She started to tug at the base of my mane. It was pretty erotic-- if you ask me.

“I can fly you up there and then you can walk inside my house.” She picked me up and flew me to her cloud house.

It was a gorgeous house. Huge pools and waterfalls of rainbow covered the house.

“This is beautiful, Rainbow…” she nodded and flew us in closer. As we entered the doorway she lowered on to what appeared to be a tile floor.

“You should be able to walk on here, Dick. Come up here to my bedroom. We can get started there.” She trotted up the stairs and into a set of grand doors. I followed suit not wanting to get lost in this mansion.

“This is a nice bedroom you got here.” It was. It had a huge bed with rainbow sheets hanging down from the ceiling. The walls held busts of some famous pegasi.

“Thanks, Dick. I do other things besides sleeping in here, you know.” She started to bite my neck. This was so weird. I began to kiss her neck in retaliation. She moaned softly into my neck.

She eventually got off my neck and laid down on her bed. I joined her and started to kiss her again and again. She moved one of her hooves to her Love and began to rub it.

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She began to whimper as I moved my dick into her Love. I could tell that she had never had someone as large as me due to her tightness. I began thrusting and she was moaning loudly now. After a few minutes of thrusting I could feel her coming.

“Dick! I’ve never come so fast in my life!” She exclaimed as I thrust more and more. A second and third time she comes before I do. We lay back in her bed under the sheets and just cuddled for a while. Suddenly I thought back to the time… TWILIGHT!

“Rainbow, what time is it?” I asked her in a panic.

“I don’t know, close to 8 maybe.”

“Quick, fly me to Twilight’s house.” I said in a panicked voice. Not wanting to see me like this she complied. I arrived as Twilight was walking in.

“Hey Twilight. What ‘chu doing?” Asked Rainbow Dash as we landed.

“Oh, hey Rainbow. Dick.” She looked at me sourly.

“I’m sorry Rainbow, I’ll talk to you later.” Taking the hint, she flew away for now. “Hey Twilight, I’m so sorry about last night.”

“Oh yeah? Where were you all day?” She flared her nostrils.

“I was hanging out with some new friends. I met Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rainbow.” She gave me a look of suspicion.

“You didn’t do anything with them did you?” I could tell that question wasn’t as innocent as it sounded.

“What? How could you think that?”

“I know how you looked at Rainbow Dash yesterday!” Is she crazy?

“I was confused! She just kind of ran into us! I’d never seen a pegasus before.” She looked shocked.

“How have you never seen a pegasus before? Where are you from?”

“I don’t know. That’s my problem. I woke up one day in the Everfree forest, that’s all I know.” She walked next to me, apologetic.

“I’m sorry, Dick. I forgot that you didn’t remember much. I should’ve been nicer to you.”

“It’s ok, Twilight. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lose track of time at Rarity’s.”

“It’s ok, I overreacted, and I’m sure you’ll look good in the clothes she’s making for you.” FUCK.

“I bet I will too. She’s very good at that.”

“Are you hungry, Dick?” She was nuzzling my neck now.

“Mmm, not really Twilight. I kind of just want to go to bed.” I walked up to the bed and got in; I wondered if she would too. She did not. “Goodnight, Twilight.”

“Goodnight, Dick.” She sat down in the main room and read a book. I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, Twilight was sleeping next to me. I got up to go to Rarity’s.

“I should leave her a note.” I thought to myself. I found a quill, ink and a piece of paper. Well, this is odd. How do I write? I took the quill in my mouth and dipped it in the ink.

“This is going to be awkward.” I think out loud. I turn sideways and try to scribble where I’m going on the paper. Thinking myself done I view my work. Uh-oh, that can’t be right. Whatever it’s good enough. I head over to Rarity’s house immediately.

Upon arrival I knocked on the door three times. Rarity’s voice comes from the inside.

“Coming, dearie.” Soon the door open and Rarity sees me. “Oh hello there, sweetie. What are you up to?” She was looking very seductive this morning.

“I was wondering if you could make me some clothing or something. I can’t pay for it now.” She had a look of amazement on it.

“Oh I’d LOVE to make clothes for you! Come with me I’ll take your measurements.” She led me to where she kept her male mannequins. Her horn glowed blue and a tape measure started to wrap around me.

“WHAT IS THIS?” I yelled in a panic.

“This is just some magic, sweetie. I’m almost done.” It felt like I just got violated by tape. The tape measure went back to her table. “There we go sweetie. Is there, uh, anything else you wanted from me?” She was looking right at me.

“Oh, uh I think this is good for now, Rarity.” She looked disappointed. I left after we said our goodbyes. Now what was I going to do? Maybe I should check out that forest again.

I started walking towards the forest. I wondered what cool things I would find, maybe something for my memory.

At the edge of the forest I heard somepony singing. It was coming from behind a solitary house on a hill. I approached the back slowly, It was very beautiful voice.

“Hello? Is anyone here?” I carefully asked as I turned the corner. I heard a quick squeak and the singing stopped. I could see nopony around, but that pony has to be here. “Hello? My name is Dick, and I’m a friend of Twilight’s. Can you help me please?” At that, a yellow pony with pink hair raised herself from behind a fence.

“Oh, hello, Dick. My name is, um, Fluttershy… I take care of the animals. Oh… please don’t tell me that Twilight is in need of help. Is she okay?” came her meek reply.

“Oh no, she is fine. I need help with the forest.” I told her briefly about what happened when I woke up that first day in Equestria.

“Oh dear, I’m sorry to hear that. Why don’t you, um, come inside and, uh, have some tea?” She grabbed my hoof and dragged me inside and sat me at her table. “I’ll get it started, if you don’t mind… Wait right here, please.” She lit the fire and placed the tea kettle on the stove.

“So Fluttershy, you take care of all the animals? That must be pretty interesting.”

“OH yes, it, um, sure yes. I love cutesy, wittle animals.” She seemed to get very interested whenever I mention animals. Suddenly we could hear the water start to boil. “I’ll get it. I’ve got my own tea that I grow, hold on, please.” She flew away from a few minutes and came back with tea that looked really good.

I took a quick sip and felt great. We kept the conversation going for a few good minutes when I suddenly grew exceptionally tired.

“How, I’m really tired, Fluttershy. Maybe I should go.” That’s when I realized she hadn’t touched her tea at all. I fell into darkness.

When I came to, I was tied up on a soft bed. Life sure throws curveballs sometimes! Suddenly I felt something wet and warm on my dick. I looked down and saw Fluttershy licking it.

“What are you doing?!” I was shocked. She looked it too, seeing me awake so fast.

“N-n-nothing.” She didn’t stop though and tentatively put her lips to the tip. I couldn’t help but like it, damn it all. “I’ve never really known a male pony as nice as you.”

“You barely know me!” It was useless; she was far too into it now. She opened her mouth and put nearly half of my dick into her mouth. It was ecstasy. I came nearly instantly. At my brief moaning she got scared and I came all over her face.

“Ew, this is gross!” She flew off to wash herself off. I stayed there; I was still tied to the bed. She came back in a minute and untied me. “Is that how it’s supposed to go?”

“Well, not exactly. I should have… you know.” I was being exceedingly bashful.

“No, what?” She must have been dumb.

“Don’t your animals mate?”

“Oh, they do that in secret, and I’d never watch that either.” Well that makes some sense.

“I can tell you more later I guess, or ask Twilight. On second thought, don’t ask Twilight, I’ll tell you later.”

“Thank you so much, Dick! I’ve always wondered what it was like. It was pretty awesome.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that’s not the not the whole process. I’d tell her later. But for now, it was getting late. I must have been out for hours. Now I had to go back to town.

Back in Ponyville, I realized I was awfully hungry. The only things I’d had to eat today were nothing and drugged tea. I decided to head back to Twilight’s to see if she was awake. Maybe get some lunch now.

As soon as I got back I saw Twilight giving a scroll to a little purple dragon who then breathed fire on it.

“Whoa! That’s a hazard.” I yelled out.

“It’s fine, Dick. Now hurry along, Spike.” The little purple dragon ran away.

“What was that, Twilight?” I looked at her anxiously.

“That was my pet baby dragon: Spike. He was sending a letter to the Princess.”

“What Princess?”

“You know, Dick. It’s almost like you don’t live in Equestria.” She chuckled.

“Hah, yeah I guess that’s how it seems. Say, do you want to get lunch?” I asked earnestly.

“Naw, I’m gonna hang out with Pinkie Pie today.” She seemed to note my dejected face. “We can get dinner tonight, Dick. How about that?”

“That’s fine Twilight, I just don’t have anything to do for the rest of the day.”

“How about I cast a spell on you to help you sleep until I get back?” I nodded and got into the bed. Twilight came up and her horn started to glow. Watching made me feel very tired. I fell into a deep slumber.

The Return of Dick

I was warm. Too warm for… something. Where am I? I’m in a white bed, the room is mostly beige. Looks like a hospital ward or something. A machine next to me starts to beep. Is that a heart monitor?

“Oh, you’re awake.” I turn my head back and I see a tall nurse with brunette hair come over and press a few buttons on the machine. “How are you feeling?”

“Where am I?” is all I could utter.

“You’re in Sacred Heart Hospital. Downtown L.A. area.”

“Why am I here, nurse?”

“Do you remember anything? You were in a bad car crash. The police will want to talk to you later. For now I think you should go back to sleep.” She turned to one of the machines and started to mess with it.

“No wait, I have to eat… with…Twi…” Everything went dark.

I’m in a bed. The walls and floor are all wood. A window next to me shows the night sky with a few clouds. The moon was waning.

“Where am I?” I asked aloud to no one in particular. Suddenly a voice pops up, its familiar.

“Dick! You’re awake.” A familiar purple pony embraces me. Memories come flooding back, Twilight, the other ponies, Equestria.

“Twilight, what happened?” I was getting choked a little by her, but I didn’t mind.

“I put that spell on you, and you haven’t woken up for 8 days.”

“8 Days?! Oh my god!”

“I even contacted the Princess yesterday, asking for her help. She said she’d come down tomorrow to help.”

“I remember something from my dream. I was in a hospital somewhere… I think the nurse said L.A., whatever that is.”

“L.A., I’ve never heard of that place before. We’ll ask the Princess tomorrow. Now go to sleep.” She starts doing her horn magic again. I can feel myself growing tired once more.

“Will you wake me up again?”

“Of course, silly.” That’s all I heard as the darkness consumed me.

I woke up once more in the hospital. There was a woman in the corner, sitting on the chair for guests. She looked familiar too. I called out for her, she did not stir. I looked above me for a call for the nurse. I found it and pressed it. Immediately a nurse walked in confused.

“Nurse, is that woman ok?” I asked her before she could even speak.

“What? Her? Yeah she’s ok, she a guest for your roommate.”

“Have I had any guests?” She looked a little sad at that.

“No, Mr. Pound. I’m afraid not. Besides that are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. One thing though, how long have I been here?”

“Three months, Mr. Pound. I’m going to give you some meds to help you sleep. You must be in pain.” She fiddled with the machine connected to the IV in my arm. Soon sleep overwhelmed me.

It’s morning. I’m in Twilight’s bed. I hear her talking with a strange voice downstairs. I hop out of bed and tumble to the floor, my legs are really weak.

“Are you ok, Dick?” I hear coming from Twilight as she rushes upstairs.

“I’m fine” I go to lean on her side. As I peer over the ledge I see a huge, white pony. A flowing mane of pinks and blues, and a unicorns horn that’s almost a foot long. This must be the princess.

“It’s ok, Dick. Lie back in bed, the Princess can come up here.” She helped me back into bed. “Please come up here, Celestia.” I knew it, go detective skills.

“Certainly, my dear apprentice.” She leapt up to the ledge with great agility. “Is this the sick friend, Twilight?”

“Yes Princess, I hope you can help him. Please.” She was anxious.

“Oh course, Twilight. I’m always willing to help you and your friends. Now let me get a good look at him please.” Twilight nodded and left us alone for now.

“You’re the Princess, aren’t you?” Real smooth, Dick. She laughed a little.

“Why yes, I am. You’re Dick, I presume.”

“That’s right, ma’am.” Her horn began to glow and I could feel a soothing warmth run over my body and in my head. “Please don’t put me to sleep, ma’am” She looked confused.

“Why not, my student?”

“I’ve been having these strange dreams, of another world. I can’t really explain it at all.” She looked concerned.

“How long have you been having these dreams?”

“Only the time I feel asleep with magic.”

“Well, then just go to sleep normally from now on. How about your memory?”

“I remember… remembering in the dream. But out here, nothing.”

“Let me try some magic. I might know a thing or two.” Her horn glowed and the warmth was back, mainly in my head. Her face started to strain as she concentrated. With an exhausted gasp, she stopped and the warmth faded.

“Did you find out anything?”

“Nothing but what you’ve been doing in Ponyville.” She gave me a sly nod. “I might have to take you back to Canterlot if all that’s true.” I was stunned, was the ruler of Equestria… hitting on me? This is bullshit.

“I don’t know if I should. I mean I’m just your average person.” A little shock at my use of ‘person’. I wonder why.

“Well, I want you. So let’s go.” She picked up with her magic and suddenly we were in a giant bedroom. I was on a circular bed with really nice pillows. A roaring occupied the fireplace in the corner. On the opposite side was a shelf full of scrolls.

“I- This- uh, What?” I choked out.

“Come on big guy. Let’s see that 10 Pound Special.” Her head went down to my dick and began to lick up and down the shaft. She seemed to be using her magic to increase how it could feel. It was pure ecstasy until the end, when I erupted inside of her mouth. Even she seemed to be unable to handle the amount, as some of it came dribbling out of the sides of her mouth.

“Are you ready to go again, my dear?” She said this with a sly smile and suddenly my dick felt ready for action. She ‘hmm’d’ at my height, “How is this going to work, I wonder.” Suddenly her horn glowed once more and I could feel myself levitating into the air. “Now do your thing, Dick.”

Taking her cue, I floated over to her rear and readied myself for her. I slowly PENETRATED her Love and found that it had a slight magical vibration inside of it. She was able to take the entire dick.

“Dick, the other ponies were right about you.” Celestia moaned in delight. I took myself in and out of her Love for about an hour. She continued to have spasms of ecstasy for the duration of the lovemaking.

(AN:It is at this point that I, Dirk Diggler’s friend, take creative custody of the story until further notice. I’ll attempt to write a section for what can be considered a clop-fic despite having never done anything like this before.)

It was an incredible experience and I was grateful to have the opportunity to do something like this, even if it was sudden and rather oddly done. Never in my life did I think I would be put in such a position where I would be quite literally fucking royalty and yet here I was. That would be about the deepest I could think at the moment as the pleasure washed over me. I didn’t really want it to stop.

I was a man of my word, but also a man of action and I didn’t like to disappoint. I got the rhythm down long ago and I was letting the motions happen.

“Dick, I can’t imagine what the other girls went through.” the Princess stated between breaths. I was holding back my own thoughts and focused on the task at hand, it was surprisingly tiring.

The tightness of her Love hadn’t eased up since we began and I was starting to wonder whether or not she was cheating with her magic. Her strange vibrations were exhausting me but I wasn’t going to be outdone, Princess or not. I picked up my pace as I began to thrust harder and faster starting with length and then speeding it up. From hilt to tip I did little to stop my slamming as I tried to tame our wonderful leader one beat at a time. Despite not having seen her face in so long I could hear and that was enough for me to judge my own performance. It was exhausting work seeing my partner enjoy herself while I had no release, but it came with the territory of being the best around.

“I can’t believe it, I simply can’t believe how good this is.” the Princess groaned. I could tell I was winning her over in body and mind. That’s all I needed, really. It had been long ago since I started but time was irrelevant to me as I spent what could have been days smoothing out the warmth of the inside of her body. While I did enjoy the challenge, I never forget the real reasons behind my actions. I fought with myself before I decided to slow down and pull out of her. The real fun was just about to begin. While the Princess had made the first moves, I was going to make sure that I was going to make the last.

I told her to lay down and she promptly rolled over on her back as I positioned myself perfectly between her hind legs. I had a perfect view of her near-exhausted frame and gleaming coat as I rested my meat on top of Her Highness’ lips. I decided to have some fun with her and begun to move again making sure she asked for it this time. Dick doesn’t forget when it comes to showing who who’s boss.

The crazy look on her face told me she’d had enough and my sadistic thoughts seized as I remembered that a true gentleman should never leave a lady wanting and simply do, and so I did. Despite the vicinity being well past moist by now my poke and shove got a well-deserved “Eep” from the Princess. With her hooves in the air and on her back I was ready to start round two with a nice advantage. From my vantage point I was able to see everything, and that’s when it hit me like a freight train.

I was able to see the expressions crossing the Princess’ face, her coat shimmering from her sweat, and my own member which I suddenly realized wasn’t my own. That is to say, the thing that probably made me the most memorable man in the world wasn’t there, at least, not there proper. I caught this in mid-thrust and could not help but stare at the odd fleshiness. I was having trouble adjusting to it all, being turned into a horse and being hit on by exceptionally brave mares, and having them all come on to me quicker than a human female would, but what perplexed me most was the changes to my own body.

I was caught staring at my non-robotic dick as the Princess kindly asked why I stopped. My contemplation as to why or how this could happen was cut short and in order to save face I decided to ignore what others had considered obvious. I pulled out and decided to get creative, as tired as my own dick was I decided to pull out all of the stops tonight.

She was still on her back when I moved back and positioned my head over her quivering lips. I had only done this a handful of times before for a select few but with my status as a good handler of pleasure centers solidified, I decided to go for it another time hoping that ponies got the same gratification out of it as women. The odor surrounding us and around the room couldn’t hold a candle to that coming from her immediate area, it was distinctly hers. I teased her as I breathed on it and I could hear her whimper, a good sign indeed. I took it slow as I neared my mouth and began to lick around finding the best hanging spots making sure to find the best spots before I went to town.

“Oh my Dick, you’re full of surprises tonight aren’t you?” Our Lady asked and I decided to politely reply by cupping her mound with my entire mouth letting my tongue find its way around. It was at this point that I decided best to give her another shock and dipped inside of her suddenly receiving a nice gasp in the process, I liked how the noises she made told me more than her words. I supposed she enjoyed it a little too much as she started to grab my head and began to pull me forward almost smothering me, but I was a big boy and I could handle myself, and I didn’t mind. I let myself wiggle to and fro making sure to take care of her really special part once in a while. She tightened here and there and I could tell she was close by the way she held me head closer and closer until she couldn’t hold it anymore.

I was digging my tongue and face into her when she let out a rather satisfied groan. She let out a rather extended “Oooh” as her entry tightened and caught my tongue, all the while choking me as she buried my head into her with all her force. It would seem her ladylike consideration didn’t cover bedroom acts and I managed to free myself before I could pass out from lack of oxygen. She was clearly exhausted but I couldn’t let her have all the fun. I let her take her repose before I decided to finish the only way Dick knew how. I wasn’t going to break her completely and considering that one of her mouths had been through so much I’d let the other do the honors. I walked around to her other end and gave her a sly look as I looked from her business end to her face. She turned over and was resting on her legs now when she finally took notice of what it was I was pointing at. She seemed to get the clue and went down on my rod. /*It was hard for me sit down in a comfortable position like I would if I were a human so I decided to lay down and take it as it came.*/ She seemed to be eager to return the favor and I certainly wasn’t complaining. I felt as she worked her mouth over the shaft and complimented with a couple of well-timed flicks of her tongue. I needed release and this was a perfect way to find it and with every stroke and flick I could feel the pressure build. I was tensing now and I wasn’t sure she was aware of it or not but she would be getting a huge explosion in a couple of moments but I didn’t have the heart or strength to tell her otherwise.

Back to Orig. Derk Digler

My seed was running down the side of her mouth when she looked back up at me.

“You are quite the surprise, Dick. I didn’t think you had it in you. But I guess you did.” She took me to her side and we laid there in her bed for hours.

The Revenge of the Dick

The Princess was very sad to let me go back to Ponyville. She told me she’d come back for more later. But now it was time to get something I hadn’t had since I came to Ponyville; great whiskey. But first, to talk with Twilight. When I was teleported back, she was waiting in the main room.

“Hey, Twilight. I’m back!” she looked up at me with loving eyes. My heart broke when I saw how innocent she must be.

“Oh, Dick. I missed you so much. How did everything go?” She ran up the stairs and started to nuzzle me.

“It all went great. The Princess really helped me out.”

“That’s great. So you remember everything?” She hadn’t stopped nuzzling.

“Pretty much. Hey, I gotta go for now. Talk to you later?” She looked sad but accepting. I ran out of the door and went to Applejacks.

“What’s the problem, sugar cube?” Asked Applejack of me when I arrived.

“Applejack, I got a question for you. Do you make whiskey at all? With your apples.” She gave me a sly look.

“We only make a little. I call it applejack. You want to try some?”

“Yes please!” She got a happy look on her face and led me back to her kitchen. Upon arrival she got two shot glasses and an unmarked bottle. She poured two shots. She handed one to me.

“Here you go, it’s pretty strong though.” She warned me cautiously. I shrugged her off. I’m a private detective. I know about whiskey. I grabbed the glass between my lips and shot it back. The warm alcohol shot down my throat. It hit me instantly, it was strong.

“Another please.” She looked at me with a smile, perhaps she saw a drinking buddy. She took her shot and poured out two more. I shot the second one down, and a third. Suddenly the world started to blur. I fell off my stool onto the hard ground, but for all I could feel, it was pillow top. Applejack rushed over and started to nudge me with her hooves. I felt nothing. I blacked out.

I was back in the hospital. In the world of Humans. My room was empty. It was noon. I called for the nurse, but there was no response. Maybe I should get up now. I have to see how Chris is. Dear God I forgot about Chris. I sat up straight in my bed and turned to get off. IVs held me to the machine so I tore them out. I took one tiny step as I got up, holding on to the side of my table to stable myself as my legs got used to my weight. I took a few steps towards the door. A few more and I was in the hall. A nurse saw me and ran over to stabilize me.

“What are you doing out of bed?” She was panicking.

“I’m tired of laying down.” I told her in a straight face. I couldn’t go back to that other world. Not again. I was tired of that bullshit. I need real women.

“You can’t leave sir, we need to do tests.”

“Test me as I walk away.” A few burly guards at the end of the hallway started to walk over.

“Do you know how long you’ve been in that bed?”

“No, should I?”

“Almost a year.” That shook me at last.

“I can’t be here any longer then. I have to fix my life.” Suddenly those guards were on me. They were cops, waiting for me to get better, to arrest me. They slapped the handcuffs on me and took me away. I didn’t like the sound of this at all.

They took me to the police station and put in an interrogation room. I had been in one of these before, but always on the other side. A cop came in, an earnest young one, probably his first case.

“Hello Mr. Pound. Do you know why you’re here?” He had a smug look on his face. I wanted to punch it off his goddamn face.

“No, is it because I fucked the Princess?” A shocked look came over his face. Why did I say that?

“Well, no. You were in a car accident with a minor, Mrs. Chris if you remember.”

“I remember a lot of things. At my age, you tend to do that kind of thing. Accidents happen I’m afraid.” He looked at me with disgust.

“Well murder doesn’t just happen, Dick! You murdered her.”

“No way! I didn’t murder her! I loved her.” More disgusted looks.

“That, Dick, is pedophilia. Another serious crime.” A cold wash of shame came over my body.

“I’m so sorry, I never realized any of this would happen. I fucked up, Twilight.”

“Who is Twilight? An accomplice?”

“She’s no one you’d know or care about.” Sensing I had no defense he put me in lockup, he might get a promotion from me. A few days later my bail was set, $5,000. Later that day however, an officer came to my cell and let me out; my bail had been paid. I was told to be back in a month for my trial. He told me where I could get the bus or a taxi. I left that courthouse, knowing I would never return. I walked 20 blocks to my apartment.

Upon arrival, I opened my door and could barely move the door due to backed up bills. I picked them up and moved them to a corner. I needed a stiff drink. I found my stash of whiskey and poured myself a shot. I needed to get my mind of that damn dream. Then I remembered the Bail money. Who had paid that? MY mind ran through the list of all my closest friends, thankfully the list was short. It must have been Barney, from the bar. I took a shot for the road and headed out.

It was on the sidewalk that the alcohol started to hit me. The road in front of me twisted and turned. I held onto the fronts of buildings to keep me steady as I walked. I was almost there, just a few more minutes and I would be in the doorway. The seconds and paces slowed unimaginably. I grabbed water from a corner store I passed. It made the walk better, but not by much.

Soon enough however, I was at the bar. I looked behind the bar for Barney, but he wasn’t there.

“Barney, are you there?” I yelled to the back kitchen.

“Who’s out there?” Came a familiar voice, Barney.

“It’s me Barney, Dick!” He came rushing out of the kitchen.

“Dick! You’re alive!” He embraced me in a hug that can only come from a fat Irishman.

“Calm down Barney. You had to know I was alive. You paid my bail right?”

“You’re bail? What are you talking about?” I told him about what happened after I saw Karen, ignoring the part about the ponies.

“That’s fucked up, Dick. You need to learn to lie better. Well, I suppose it’s better than being dead. We all heard about the crash.” He then looked at me and gave me the saddest look I’d ever seen. “Dick… Karen took the news the worst. She killed herself after she heard.”

“What? I thought she didn’t love me anymore!”

“No Dick, She didn’t want the pain of loving you. I don’t think you can be tied down to any one woman, Dick. Not from what I hear. She wanted you all for herself.” All this news was crushing me. Karen was gone now, forever. I could feel myself coming to tears.

“I need a drink, Barney.” He nodded and brought me shot glasses and whiskey. He poured and handed me a shot.

“Have this one on me, Dick.” I shot it back and felt some small relief. I had three more until I blacked out.

I woke up in Applejack’s room with her sleeping next to me. It must have been only an hour since I had blacked out. I nudged her awake.

“Well welcome back, Dick.” She gave me a kiss. It felt good to have her attraction.

“Hey there, Applejack. What happened?” She chuckled a little.

“Well you can’t handle your whiskey it seems. I think one might be your limit from now on.” She edged closer to me and gave me a big hug. “I’m glad you’re awake, Dick. I was awfully lonely without you.” She started to kiss near the base of my mane. I kissed her back. She seemed to enjoy that.

“Dick, do you want me?” She asked me with all the sound of an innocent woman. I didn’t, as feeling I hadn’t felt ever. I usually found all women to be attractive. Yet, for some reason, not Applejack, at least not in a sexual way. I was content in hugging her, and kissing her. But I don’t think I could have sex with her.

“Applejack, you know I love you, and I’d do anything for you. But I don’t love you that way. I’m sorry.” She looked dejected and her eyes trailed to the floor. I could feel her grip on me loosening. I hugged her close. “Applejack, maybe one day I’ll see that you’re perfect for me. Just not today. Okay?”

“Ok.” That was all she said as she pushed me away and turned around. I walked from her and her house. I felt terrible. If this was a dream, it hurt as much if not more than real life. I needed to talk to someone who didn’t want me for my body. What am I saying? This is just a dream isn’t it? I wake up in the real world, not this place. I decided to go to Twilight’s and ‘wake up’.

Twilight wasn’t there when I arrived. So I headed upstairs and got ready to go to bed when suddenly the door opened. I froze. It was Twilight, she was with Rarity. Twilight was crying.

“Why doesn’t he like me, Rarity? I’m trying my hardest to tell him.” Twilight said between sobs. Rarity was doing her best to comfort her.

“I’m positive he does, dear. You just have to give it time. Love doesn’t just appear in an instant.” She led Twilight to a chair and sat her down. “It’s probably on his end. I think he may not be into beautiful, young, female ponies like yourself.”

“I don’t think it’s like that Rarity, I mean, he seems to like all the other ponies. But he can barely say two words to me.”

“Maybe he’s just dumbstruck, dearie.” She gave Twilight a pat on the back. “I’ve got to go now. I’ll talk to you later. Ok?” Twilight nodded and Rarity left. I felt bad, but I had to get back to my life. I quietly laid down in her bed and drifted off to sleep.

I awoke with a jolt. My face and shirt was wet.

“Dick, you damn drunk.” Barney was standing over me with an empty glass.

“What happened?” He gave me an exasperated look.

“You drank too much and fell off your stool. Now get out of my bar you freeloader.” Not feeling welcome, I left that bar. Not before I grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the counter while Barney wasn’t looking. I had better things to do than talk to this asshole. I headed to the bar down the road. If one thing could clear my mind; it would be a woman.

Break

I looked at the bar’s name, Nathan’s. I hadn’t been to this place before. I generally stayed at Barney’s but this would have to do. I walked in the door to a smoky room with dim lights, trying to find tonight’s girl. In the corner I spotted a good one. This would be easy, every girl knew me by name. I walked up.

“Hey babe, what are you doing tonight?” She looked at me with apprehension.

“Nothing that applies to you.” She turned away.

“Don’t be like that, don’t you know who I am? I’m Dick.” She turned back and spat at me. “Hey, who do you think you are? Any woman would kill to be with me!” I slapped her face. The bar stopped, I felt two strong men grab me from behind and haul me to the door. They threw me out.

“And stay out! Damn drunk.” They turned and walked back in. How dare they throw me out? I’m might as well be God’s gift to woman-kind. I turned around and walked back to my apartment.

The door was much easier to open this time, having removed the offending bills and letters. I sorted through them, looking for a job. Nothing. I got up to grab my new bottle of whiskey. It had been good in Barney’s. I checked to see if it’s good in my apartment. It was. I laid in my bed wondering what I was going to do with my life now. I had about a month to get things straight. I fell fast asleep.

Twilight was next to me. I put my hooves around her and pulled myself closer to her. She was so beautiful. I never noticed before; her mane was impeccable, horn a cute length. I felt her grab onto my arms and she snuggled into my belly. It felt so comfortable. I felt myself drifting back to sleep already.

It was morning when I woke up. My head was in intense pain. I must be hungover. God damn life. I went to the sink to get some water and pain killers. I took both and sat on my bed. It was hard to think of what to do next.

At this point I decided that my life was pretty much moments of me slipping in and out of consciousness, so I decided to surrender to my pillow, just because. While waiting out the pain would have set me straight, I decided to sleep it off. The darkness comforted me as I began to slip into the familiar haziness.

I woke up yet again to find myself having what I was wishing more and more was reality. Keeping track of anything, especially time, had been harder to do with me slipping in and out of my mind but I can clearly see it was nighttime, how late it was I could not say. I was laying down and realized that I had been sleeping on Twilight Sparkle's bed just like I remembered. Of course, right beside me was Twilight herself, nestled between the blankets that covered her body and mine. I hadn't moved at all since I awoke and I tried not to wake her as I struggled to make sense of my slowly deteriorating life.

I sleep and I flip between my shitty life and this dreamland of ponies that seems all too real. I struggled to think whether or not I had finally gone insane or whether the crash had done anything to my brain but that's when the images of Chris filled my mind. It was too much for me and I began to cry, sobbing into my own pillow unaware that Twilight had listened to me talk aloud and was now staring at me. As I soaked my pillow I felt her as she moved a hoof around me and began to sob as well. I instinctively turned and pulled her towards me into a warm embrace hoping that she would never let go. I remembered that in this world I still had one of my loves and I decided from that moment on that she needed me just like I needed her.

We held each other for a good amount of time until I was able to regain my senses once again. That's when I decided to be the man that she wanted me to be and slowly pulled away from her so we could speak.

“Twilight, do you really care about me?” I asked of the perplexed purple pony, and her stare was a mix of shock, surprise, and disbelief that I would ask a question like that. I had been making quite a spectacle of myself asking stupid questions so this was just another nice addition. Her attitude shifted from confused to angry as she yelled at me.

“I've cared about you so much since the moment you arrived here in Equestria from wherever you're from. I gave you a home and you never seemed to care one bit. Not about the things I've done for you or how I feel about you. You don't love me at all do you Dick? What do you see in the other girls anyway?”

She had tears in her eyes now and she turned away from me and my heart had been breaking over and over again as her words cut through me. I never wanted this for her but now I was afraid I'd done enough damage that she'd never think of me the same way again.

“Twilight please, you have to understand that it's not all my fault,” I said as I tried to calm her down.

“You just don't get it do you, Dick? Do you like it when every other mare stares at you? I thought that you were different. When I saw you I thought you would be the one so I treated you like I'd like to be treated but I never got anything in return.” She was crying more than ever now and I didn't think I could take much more of this so I tried to talk to her more.

“I wish I could say I wasn't that kind of guy but I guess I am. If you really only knew what I've been through then maybe you'd see it my way.” This only made her angrier and she bucked me in my stomach as she got up off of the bed and began to walk away, and with her my only sense of true happiness. I was in pain but I managed to catch up to her as she got down the flight of stairs from the upstairs section of her home. I pleaded with her to stop but she ignored me and finally asked the question on her mind.

“Why don't you love me?” She was still moving towards the door when she said it and now I was running after her when I finally managed to catch up to her. I knew I only had one chance to make it all right again and I was never one to back down from a challenge.

I yelled “Twilight!” as loud as I could despite being right near her to catch her attention, and as she turned around in fright I caught her lips with my mouth and I kissed her. She seemed scared and confused at first but she found herself getting into it. What started out as a simple kiss escalated as she knotted her tongue around mine. I could taste her sweet breath as she made sure she was able to get as much out of that single kiss as she could. I was the one that had to pull away and she seemed quite embarrassed but I was happy that she got the message. She looked at me and asked this.

“Dick, you do love me right?” and that's when I responded coolly.

“I could tell you, or I could show you”.

I led her back upstairs to her bed and laid her down, kissing her and nuzzling her neck trying to make her as comfortable as I could. I worked my way down as she started to heave and moan, I could tell it was her first time. I still didn't know what could pass as a normal sexual position for a pony, but she was more than happy to show me. She was up on all fours now and she turned around on the bed and slowly raised her backside towards me moving her tail from one side to the other. While I've been oblivious to other hints in the past I got this one instantly and maneuvered myself on top of her, but I wasn't sure.

“Are you sure you're ready?” I asked her. She seemed confident.

“As long as it's you, Dick. It is my first time though so please be careful,” My detective skills never failed to impress, and with that open invitation I readied myself and positioned my piece between her legs.

I took it slow at first making sure I was aiming correctly, and then I started to push. I made my way inside of her but the tightness made it difficult, it was something not even I was used to. The further I pushed the more Twilight moaned, and I carried on slowly making sure I didn't hurt her while I gauged her abilities. Before I knew it I was in all the way, and judging by her breathing I could tell she took it like a champ. I asked her whether she was feeling alright and received a nice push from her backside which was all the convincing I needed.

I started the thrusts gingerly at first but I could tell she wanted more as she began moving back and forth opposite of my own movement. It was an open invitation so gave her what she wanted so I gave it my all. I carried on for what seemed like hours but I didn't care, so long as I was with her. It struck me that very moment that I normally wouldn't care whether or not my partner was enjoying herself so long as I could “win” the challenge, but Twilight seemed to change all of that. I was completely over her now just soaking it all up; the smell of her mane, her sweet voice, it was different and I couldn't exactly explain what made it so good.

After some point, it was hard for me to keep track of how long we were going at it but I knew we had been in the same position for some time. Neither of us had spoken much but it didn't matter since it was almost as if we could feel how close the other was. I was just about done and the tension told me the all that I needed to know. I strained to keep up with the young mare who had been enjoying herself a bit too much even for my tastes. She was almost wailing now in pleasure and I was hoping that It would end soon before the pony equivalent of a copper came to investigate a hours-long murder only to find a sexy rumpus.

I knew quite a bit about female anatomy and my personal experience has taught me that a grown woman can reach her climax a bunch of times without stopping and I was beginning to wonder whether the same applied to ponies. Twilight had yelped especially loud a couple of times, but I could still tell the big one was about to come. The cue came soon.

“Oh boy Dick, I think I'm close,” and I was waiting for it to fall into place. I speed up the pace and we found ourselves entwined as all the hard work paid off. The ride was great but the splash is always the most refreshing, as they say. She yelled as both me and her exploded in ecstasy. I did little but fall back and sigh as I tried to keep myself from passing out from exhaustion and feeling oh-so-good. I took a look at the job-well done and moved over to lay next to Twilight, enjoying the warmth that came from our bodies after 2 days-worth of motion and activity. I could feel exhaustion creep over my body; even Dick can’t go on forever. I put my head on her neck, feeling the warmth. I feel asleep and darkness overcame me.

Ups and Downs

I woke up with no hangover, but my stomach groaned with hunger. I needed to eat something. Everything in the fridge was rotten. I had to go out with no money. Would I stoop so low to dine and dash? Yeah, I would.

I exited the apartment after getting in my detective clothes. No woman can resist a man with a badge and trench coat. Not if I had my way. I knew the place to go. IT was my old favorite. Plus the last time I went, I had to stop that robber in a sexy way.

I knew the way by heart and it took me only minutes to get there from my front door. The waitress sat me on the counter, by the door luckily. She didn’t even need to take my order, she knew what I wanted. Toast and bacon, that’s the way to go through life. I ate it in a few ravenous bites. I had to get out now. I stood up and the waitress took notice. With all the agility I could muster, I bolted for the door. I would not see the sun now, for someone entering tripped me and I fell forward. I went through the decorative glass in front of the doors.

I laid there as the people gathered around. Someone called an ambulance I think. Blood covered my face and eyes. My head felt so light. I could feel myself falling into a familiar darkness, a comforting darkness.

I awoke next to Twilight. I gave her a big hug and pulled her in close. This woke her up.

“Good morning, Dick. How did you sleep?” She was giving me a very happy look, it made me feel amazing to see her happy.

“Oh Twilight. I wish I didn’t have to sleep, so I could be with you more.” It was true; these dreams were when I was happiest. “Hey Twilight, do you want to go out to dinner tonight?”

“Oh, Dick! I’d love to go out! But where?” I didn’t even know a place yet.

“Leave that to me, sweetie.” She blushed when I called her that. I gave her a big kiss and went over to Rarity’s. I was going to need something fancy.

Rarity let me in when she saw me.

“Well hello there, Darling. What brings you here? Need some special attention?” Not this time Rarity. I needed something.

“I need a suit for tonight Rarity. I want to bring Twilight somewhere special. Also, can you tell me of any special places?” She laughed at that.

“Darling, you won’t find anything too special here in Ponyville. You need to go to Canterlot for that. I’ll make the suit, but you get yourself to Canterlot. Ok, darling?” I nodded and headed out. I needed that dragon. Back to Twilight’s it was.

She was still in bed when I got back.

“Hey baby, do you know where that dragon of yours is?”

“Yeah. He’s over at Ditzy’s.” She told me where to find Spike and Ditzy and I headed off in a hurry. Ditzy’s house wasn’t too far away as it turned out. The door was on the floor when I arrived. My instincts came flaring up, Trouble!

“Is anyone hurt?” I called as I walked inside.

“No. Who’s there?” came a voice from the living room.

“It’s me, Dick, from Twilight’s place.” At the mention of Twilight, Spike came running out.

“Is she ok?” he asked in a panic.

“Yeah, she’s fine Spike. I need you to send this letter to Princess Celestia. Ok? And don’t tell Twilight, please.” He nodded and took the letter I had written. He did his little dragon magic and it disappeared. Then an idea came to me. “I have to go Spike, but I’ll see you later.” I ran off and hurried back to Rarity’s.

“Oh Dick, you really come often don’t you?” She said with a sly smile.

“Rarity, I have to ask you something. Do ponies get married often?” She looked taken aback.

“Married? Not really. Someponies do it, like the Cakes. I don’t know of many others who do.”

“I want to marry Twilight! I-I’m in love!” Her face exploded with feminine joy. She started squealing.

“Oh my gosh! That’s amazing Dick, but don’t you think it’s rather sudden?”

“No way, Rarity. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life.” She seemed to know I a pony of my word and offered me some suggestions, like where to get a ring, and where to have it.

“Rarity, I’ve already asked a close friend of mine for some favors.”

“Oh, who’s your friend? Is he handsome like you?”

“No, but she’s very good looking.” She seemed taken aback.

“Well, I hope you know what you’re doing. Your suit will be done within the hour Dick.”

I waited for the suit to be done. All the while talking with Rarity about weddings and pony culture and such. Once I got the suit, I put it on. Rarity said I looked positively gorgeous in it. I thanked her and went back to Twilight’s.

“Dick! That’s quite a sexy suit you’ve got there.” She had her own little sexy dress on.

“Thanks, sweetie. I’ve got the dinner plans all ready, we just have to wait for a bit.” It didn’t take that long. In the middle of the room appeared Princess Celestia in a bright flash of light.

“Are you two loveponies ready?” She said with a slight smile. we both nodded and she teleported us to Canterlot. We were in the castles grand dining hall. It was set up for the just the two of us.

“You two have fun.” Said the princess as she transported away. We sat at the table and salads appeared before us. This was going to be one hell of a night.

“You arranged all of this, Dick?” She couldn’t believe it.

“Anything for you, Twilight.” She kissed me and started on her salad. I began to eat mine too. It tasted of a Caesar salad, my favorite. When we finished, an entirely new meal arranged itself in front of us. Twilight was enjoying herself with this dinner. It made me happy to just see her happy. At the third course, I got up and walked to Twilight’s side.

“Dick, what are you doing?”

“Twilight,” I got on my knees. “I have something to ask you. Ever since I met you, you’ve been the nicest person I’ve ever known. And when we got together, it was like heaven. I just want to know one thing. Will you make me the happiest pony who ever lived?” Her eyes opened wide and she started to shake.

“Yes, Dick. Of course I will.” She jumped on me and we began to roll around on the floor in exuberance.

“The princess has lent us a room in the castle for as long as we want. Want to check it out?” She nodded and we headed there, recreating last night.(*________*)

I was in an ambulance, sirens blasting. Not back to the hospital I hoped, I had enough bills to pay. A medic told me to stay still. I told her my dick needed to be hold still. She slapped me. What a bitch.

We arrived at the hospital with little affair. I was carted into the surgery ward. They put me under for surgery. I dreamed nothing at all.

I woke up and my head was covered in bandages. It hurt to move my head too much. The nurse told me I had a concussion. I told her to blow me. She a male nurse took her place next time. Women are psycho these days. They held me for three days and kicked me out. I headed back to my apartment for some rest in my own goddamned bed. I couldn’t sleep at all with those damn drugs and that uncomfortable bed. I missed Twilight. I needed to see her. I got on my bed and awaited sleep. IT didn’t come for hours, but all that matters is that it did.

“Wake up, sleepyhead. It’s our wedding day.” Twilight gave me a big kiss as we woke up.

“Time for our wedding? Already?” She giggled and tickled my nose with hers.

“Silly, that was a week ago. The princess made all the arrangements.” A week ago? Maybe that time spent in the hospital had fucked over my world. But that didn’t matter now. I had to get married.

“When is it going down, honey?”

“In a little less than an hour.” An hour? I had to prepare. I hurriedly got on a tuxedo that Twilight pointed out for me. She got on her dress as I left. A man isn’t supposed to see the dress until the right moment. I saw the princess was organizing unicorns who brought in flowers and tables. The whole grand hall looked amazing. She saw me and sauntered over.

“Dick, I never thought you would settle down. Not from what I saw at least.”

“You know, Celestia, I never thought I would either. But something about Twilight makes me feel amazing!” She seemed to smile.

“She is quite a wonderful person. I’m glad she found someone like you, Dick. You’re a great guy.” She kissed my cheek and went back to supervising the decorations. I started to pace the grand hall. I was incredibly nervous, I’d never felt this way before. Before I knew it, it was time for the wedding.

I stood in front of the princess with Spike as my best man. The familiar wedding song began to play as Twilight walked down the aisle with her mother. She stood next to me.

“Do you, Twilight Sparkle, take Richard Pound to be your husband? In good times and bad?”

“I do.” Said Twilight.

““Do you, Richard Pound, take Twilight Sparkle to be your wife? In good times and bad?”

“I do.” I said.

“Then you may kiss the bride.” I turned to Twilight and gave her the best kiss I could have possible given. She gave out a small moan of joy.

The reception was amazing. All of Twilight’s friends, and the Canterlot elite were there. The party lasted for hours, but it seemed like seconds. Time didn’t matter, I was in love with Twilight, and she with me. She had decided to honeymoon in Canterlot. I was ok with this.

After the party we headed back to the room. I saw the look she gave me. I knew what I had to do. I just hoped she would find it good. She laid on her back as I took my position above her. I slowly began to enter her until I was all the way in.

I began to thrust slowly at first, wanting to build up a good momentum. She began to emit a soft moan at my thrusting, so I gradually increased my speed. It was as good as the very first time I had with her. She was getting wetter by the second. We called each other’s names in ecstasy. I looked into her eyes and saw that she was having the best time she had ever had. I knew I could make it better. I began to kiss her over her body. Her cries became louder and louder as we went. The energy and tension kept growing and growing until finally, neither she nor I could hold it any longer. We exploded with raw pleasure.

We went three more times until exhaustion caught on to both of us. We laid in the bed just holding each other and kissing.

“Dick, I’ll love you forever.” Twilight whispered into my ear. We both fell asleep.

Rebirth

There I was, in my shitty apartment, alone, living my shitty life. No one loved Dick anymore. The only place I found any love was in my dreams. I can’t stand this anymore! I ran to my bathroom and looked myself in the mirror.

My eyes had become red and sunk back in the sockets. My skin was pale and the veins showed easily. My teeth were yellowed and my clothes tattered. I can’t live like this anymore.

“I want to live with my wife.” I told no one in particular. I went to my nightstand and grabbed my revolver. I held it in my lap, just looking at it.

I picked it up with one hand and brought the barrel to my mouth. I open wide and waited. I began to cry.

“It’s not fair, Twilight. I want to live in your world. Celestia save me!” I cried. I was screaming. I put my finger around the trigger. I pulled back the hammer, and waited.

“I just want to sleep forever!” I pulled the trigger and darkness overcame everything instantly.

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“Dick, are you ok?” Twilight asked me. I must have woken her up in my terror.

“Yeah honey, it was just a bad dream.” I told her. It was just a bad dream I told myself, but it all seemed too real. I went back to sleep. I remembered everything.