Her Bright Smileby reyin poeticChaptersChapter OneChapter TwoChapter ThreeChapter FourChapter FiveChapter OneChapter One Morning again. Another night with no sleep. No surprise there. Can't stop thinking when I need to. Roll out of bed. Oh my aching legs... My bedroom is too sparse. No surprise there, what with my lack of style. Speaking of lack of style, time to check myself in the mirror. Goodie me. Mane isn't in my eyes. Not a lot of use in combing it. Otherwise I look like crap. No surprise. And now we impose ourself on the world. \\\\\\\\\\ Why did I have to get a job so far away? Oh, right, I couldn't get any other job. Not that I have any right to complain. Lyra, Bon Bon, happy as usual. Who is that pony? I never remember names, do I? Quick check of her Cutie Mark... ... Well, I'm a pervert. It's Lily. And now Lily is looking at me. She probably saw me looking at her flank. Just walk away like nothing happened. Yeah, because that's ever worked. Ah, she caught me. Time to take my rightful punishment. ... She's asking me if I know which food vendors are having sales today. Well good job, me, not only did I get away with being a lech, but I also couldn't help her with her shopping. You've started this day off on the wrong hoof, just like every other day. \\\\\\\\\\ And I'm here. Better get to work. Sweet Apple Acres needs to balance rain and sun, so alternate days the next ten days. The borders of the Everfree typically need rain this time of year, which leaves us with... Twenty cubic feet of cloud left over. Figures I'd leave surplus cloud. It's like I'm trying to get fired. ... Well, having my house clouded out is hardly a loss. \\\\\\\\\\ Time to leave work, and I didn't do anything useful. What's the use in an earth pony arranging weather maps for Ponyville, anyway? None. And work ends so early, anyway. I work, and then go home to spend the afternoon being more worthless, and the evening trying to fall asleep, and failing to do even that task remotely well. No reason to challenge the way things work. Everypony's happy the way things are. \\\\\\\\\\ I just knew I'd do this again. It's... half past four, and I'm still awake. Not that that's any surprise. I hardly do anything, so it makes sense that I'm not tired, right? Or maybe I'm just trying to be nocturnal to avoid other ponies like the antisocial little creep I am. I wonder why ponies put up with me anyway? All I am is dead weight. I occupy an ugly little house and only come out to go to work. Hardly the best pony around. Heh, who am I kidding? The way ponies look at me, they think I'm more like... a monkey. \\\\\\\\\\ Morning again. Another night with no sleep. No surprise there. Can't stop thinking when I need to. Roll out of bed. Oh my aching legs... My bedroom is too sparse. No surprise there, what with my lack of style. Speaking of lack of style, time to check myself in the mirror. Goodie me. Mane isn't in my eyes. Not a lot of use in combing it. Otherwise I look like crap. No surprise. And now we impose ourself on the world. \\\\\\\\\\ No work today. Don't want me around more than I need to be, or something. Much as I try to be polite, I suppose I have to eat. ... That mare accidentally gave me some extra carrots. I need to give them back. Why would she ask if I was sure she wanted the carrots back? I know I counted it out right. \\\\\\\\\\ Last stop, the apple stand. That's strange, normally the salesmare is very attentive. Is that pony her friend? Well, I guess they are friends. After all, most ponies in this town are friends. This pony, though, won't hold still. And she's gone. Apparently nihilism is my thing now. \\\\\\\\\\ Well, what do you know? I actually slept last night. Not to say it was restful, that would imply I could do something right. ... Another day at work, a special request from somepony named Pinkie Pie. Clear skies tomorrow night over eastern Ponyville? There's no way I'd be able to approve that. Wait a minute... all the clearance papers were already filled out? Just who is this pony? ... Oh, good. Another day of work for me to waste everypony's time with tomorrow. Not like my position has any purpose. Apparently any pony can just write in a request, and my whole job becomes even more worthless. Might as well get home so I can say I was in bed all night. \\\\\\\\\\ I get to work, and there's no work to be done. The door wasn't even unlocked. Pretty sure they finally figured out how worthless my job was and fired me. The pony who no one cares for has lost his only source of income, and thus food. And a host of absolutely no one cared. Might as well go home to starve out of sight, then. No sense bothering everyone else. \\\\\\\\\\ Open the door to find... Not the huge piles of food I'd get if the world suddenly worked backwards. Just the room in total darkness like I left it. Come to think of it, I might just leave it that way. The darkness is soothing and warm. Not at all like that place. ...Was that whispering? No. No no. I don't want to remember that place! Please! No! Stop telling me to go. Stop saying I deserve it! That place was horrible. That place... That place... That place was where I belonged. That place was where I learned what I am. They told me. They told me who I am supposed to be. What I am supposed to be. AGH! They turned the lights on! Why did they... Ponies... These ponies... They're looking at me... They can see... me... They know... That mare. From the apple stand, she's here. That pink coat. Pinkie Pie? She set this up? They know, and they're taking me back. No no no nononononono! \\\\\\\\\\ Why did I have to survive falling from that cliff? Celestia not ready to receive me, maybe. More likely she doesn't want to bother with me. Maybe that's why most of Ponyville was gathered together to take me back there. So would it have been better than laying at the bottom of a cliff, possibly dying? Nah. I should definitely go back. Why deprive them of their fun? Chapter TwoChapter Two Well done, Wunderpferd. Can't even get falling off a cliff and dying right. Not so say I deserve death, of course. I've always been told that nopony deserves death. I don't always agree, though. I, on the other hand, have been chased from my own home, and off a cliff, by ponies who have found out and- -want to take us back to our rightful home. They probably heard about it. Everypony always finds out. I'm easy to read, and a horrible liar. \\\\\\\\\\ Well, the good news is my leg broke the fall. Apparently the mob after me gave up. Must've just wanted me out of town. Most likely torching my belongings. It was all food anyway, no real loss. Not like I can go back anyway. Not on these worthless legs. \\\\\\\\\\ Well, I didn't bloody myself nearly as much as I'd thought. Just sprained my leg. Still meant it took me all night to get back to town. Hopefully I can get to what's left of my house before I'm spotted. I guess it's a good thing I don't stand out. Even when I'm ragged and limping I may as well not exist. Everypony seems content that I've disappeared at least. Oh, no, it's that pink nightmare again. Is she still looking for me? Figures, she set the whole thing up, of course she'd want to finish the job. Is she... lifting up stones? Wow. She gives me too much credit. Maybe if I keep moving, she won't see me... You're kidding, that actually worked? All the good fortune I'll get in my life, and I used it avoiding somepony. Brilliant. Loneliness is hardly difficult for you. \\\\\\\\\\ So they didn't burn my home down. That's not a lot better. They want me to stay. Not the first time that's happened. Only thing worse than ponies wanting you gone is when they want you to stay. Bits in my closet, food in the pantry, pink mare in the living room, books by my bed. Wait a minute... No. Oh, no. How did she find me? It's your house, moron. How did she get in? You never bothered to get a lock for your door. Don't like 'em, right? She's going to take me back. I don't want to go back. Leave me alone, please. I'll do anything, anything if just don't take me back. Does she want me to beg? Small price to pay to not go back. She probably knows that, though. Does she just want to see me miserable knowing that she could take me back anytime? Could anypony be that cruel? Last I knew, you've met several. She's talking to me. Here's hoping begging works. Never did before. Oh, her name's Pinkie Pie. I forgot. Makes enough sense. She wants to know why I ran off? I'm expected to go back, then. What? A party? Why would anypony throw me a party? My name? Why would she care? She's not going to let me go until I tell her, though. Guess I need to talk. Hutch. I hate my name. It's everything that's ever been wrong with my life. And not only because it's my name. She's smiling. Probably recognized the name. \\\\\\\\\\ A second party? Why is she so persistent about it? What is there to gain? More ponies around. You dropping your guard. And why invite me? Oh, wait, it was a party for me. Something about meeting someone new. Not that I'm 'new'. \\\\\\\\\\ I'm not sure how she set up this party so fast. She probably didn't do it alone. Looks like they're all having fun. Where is she, though? Pinkie? Looking for blackmail material? Gah! There she is. How does she always sneak up on me? And what is she holding? A host of honor crown? Why would she give me a crown? And a gold one at... gold clanking shaking wrapping cold terrible ca n't go RUNdon'trun won't let youthought you could escapenever same as same as before closed can't escape cannot run worthlessworthlessworthlessworthlessworthless hate me hate me more cold home shake my life nothing belong hurt me hurt me ask me to die can I call you homeTRUSTED HERwhy trust decision was MADEwho am I to question who takes me everyone takes can't move don't feel don't hold back I wasn't worth itonly to enjoy laughinglaughterlaughatme frozencold frozengold trapped binding blinding white liars why do they let them lie no one knows believes wants speaks cares they speak new truths new HUTCH why am Itheythemusweme I am told I am told I am cold I am told follow the spoken words clanking golden gleaming glaring snaring beating hurting crying laughing LAUGHING run away you haven't done wrong you haven't been happy you haven't been bad they want to lie they want to hurt you hurt you run run run run run they hold me stopping bring me back to place remember the hurt themmake them stop keep running ruining crying stop crying don't stop nowhere is happy nowhere is safeshe lies golden shackles they want me back favorite hurt favorite cry smilingout gone free keep running or they will take me back \\\\\\\\\\ I remember this feeling. Like a blizzard is creeping through your veins, blowing away your thoughts. The world feels like it's separate from you, like a book. Your body feels like someone else, doing things much better than you could if you were in control of yourself. The guy I had to see called it shock. Personally, I don't see how something can define an existence and be such a generic word. 'Shock' is what you feel when something startles you. That actually feels like a shock. This... this isn't shock. This is... icy. Emotionally and physically cold. Hollowed out. … I can't go back. She's there, probably waiting for me. She's nothing but pain waiting to happen. Good. She can't hurt you if she can't find you. Run. Run. Chapter ThreeI remember. Two of them, they walked up to the third, not like them, smiling. Told him he'd go with them. He asked why. ThumpCrack He was told to follow or else. He should have just gone, of course. I watched them lead him to the home and put him in, told someone would see him soon. Gold everywhere. I remember his asking why he was there, but they didn't answer. Then they took him. The first thing he was asked was what he had done wrong. He said nothing. He didn't know yet. Thump Thump Thump The next day was the same. What had he done wrong, this time with bruises on his side. Again, he said he didn't know. Thump Thump Sculp He cried for the first time that night, nursing a bleeding ear. If I could have, I would have told him to just confess, but I don't think he knew what he'd done wrong yet. And so the next week went, just the same, his skin getting redder and dirtier every day. What had he done wrong? Nothing, he would answer. Thump Thump Thump Then one night, they came into his house. They asked why he was so slow and stupid, why he didn't just confess and tell them what he'd done wrong. He asked them why they were doing wrong. Thump Thump Screaming Thump Thump Cries for help No one answers Thump Thump Wheezing breaths Thump Thump Crunch Silence Then, laughter as they walk away, and quiet sobbing. The next day was the same as the others. He was told to sit, but he couldn't. He didn't even get asked what he'd done wrong. Thump Thump Laughter The next day, he sat on his broken bone. It was better than not. He was asked what he did wrong. That day, he answered correctly the first time. He dissobeyed. Thump Thump Thump Thump The next day was different. That day, he was asked why he was wrong. He couldn't think of an answer. Thump Thump Thulk He spent every night trying to think of why he was wrong, but he couldn't find an answer. It seemed impossible. Thump Scrape Squelp Scream Why was he wrong? Thump Why was he wrong? Crirk Why was he wrong? Snap After two weeks, he was a broken, bloody mess. His own coat color was gone, one ear barely still attached, and he walked on two broken legs. Again, he was asked why he was wrong. He looked at himself and realized why it was wrong to disobey. He was wrong because he was worthless. They took him back and made sure he would remember it. Thump Squelp Crack The next day was again new. He was asked his name. He couldn't remember, Crack Crack Thump It had been so long since he heard a name. The sounds he knew most were the metal hooves when they hit him. Thump Thud Crek Was he allowed to ask his name? He couldn't remember. Snap Couldn't hurt more to ask. He did. He was told. He argued, saying that wasn't his name. Smash Smash Clang He was wrong. They told him who he was. They were right. They corrected him. Tenk Rasp Tump He asked his name the next day. He was told again. Thump Swaap Nok He finally believed them. He wasn't right. They were. They told him who he was. They couldn't make him better, but they could make him do less damage. The next day, he was asked what his name was. He coughed up blood so he could speak. “Hutch,” I said. He smiled and told me I would be released tomorrow, after one more night of being reminded how worthless I was. I didn't object. I needed to be reminded. Thump Thump Crack \\\\\\\\\\ I woke up, again. This time I was by some fields filled with trees. They seemed to be filled with apples. I should just start going to... wherever I'm living next. No way I can go back. I looked east. I'd been to Baltimare before. I think I should be able to stay there for a month or two. Probably won't be able to find a job, though. I sighed and looked back toward the town I had to leave. It was to the north. she found me curl up and it won't hurt as much they only beat you enough to make you remember your lessons let her finish and you can run She's... talking to me? Asking why I ran off again. It's another question, like before. Of course, she's one of them, checking up on me. I don't deserve a party. Why, she asks. Because I'm worthless. She frowned. Was that not the right answer? she's going to take me back don't run running makes it worse She's still talking? … She can't be one of them. She's talking like she knows me. Telling me I'm not worthless. Wasn't her mane straight before? Of course you can't remember. She's asking me not to run. If she isn't one of them, I suppose I can stay. For now, at least. Author's Note Thank you for reading, please review! Chapter FourSurprisingly, I got back to what is still my house without issue. Even more surprising is that the party was gone, as though she had never flooded my home with ponies in the first place. The most surprising thing of all, actually, is that she's still around. I would have thought by now she'd have gotten so uncomfortable that she'd give up trying to enjoy herself around me. All things in time... \\\\\\\\\\ She's been visiting me every day for two weeks after the unnecessary parties. I'm not sure what exactly she comes to my house for, but she spends most of the time talking at me about her day. If nothing else, it gives me a reason to clean up the house... She's asking me why I don't get out of the house? That's a stupid question... Nowhere to go except work and the market, and that's just so I don't starve to death. Plenty of better ways to die. And I don't have any friends to visit, either. Why she would think I'd have any to begin with is beyond me. ... She wants me to come on a picnic with her and her friends? Why would she want me to ruin an outing with her friends? And for that matter, why is she wasting time here when she could be with friends? \\\\\\\\\\ Knock It's my day off, and I actually was having a dreamless sleep for once. Figures it would be interrupted. It's her. She's actually going to take me to that picnic. I get the feeling I should just give up sleep completely with her dropping in all the time. \\\\\\\\\\ I didn't know the Ponyville Park was this nice... Not that I've ever had reason to come here. Pinkie's friends have to be somewhere around white here. one of them That pony... she's unnerving... She doesn't look familiar, though. run I force myself not to run screaming. I'd know soon enough if they were going to take me back. Besides, I should trust Pinkie. If I trust her she'll betray me sooner. Get it over and done with. Oh. She was introducing them to me. And I missed every single one of their names. That's going to work out swimmingly. She... she's asking me to introduce myself. As if letting my name out to my boss wasn't enough. Wait a sec, isn't that my boss laying in the tree above them? ...And she saw me. Brilliant. Great, even more attention focused on me. Well, at least she told them my name and job, so they know everything of interest about me, and I don't have to say anything. ... Nice try. Should have known it couldn't be that easy. Where am I from? Canterlot. The scary one is interested. She knows. She's one of them. What's my family like? I don't have one. They all seem bothered by that. What does my cutie mark mean? One of them recognizes it as my namesake. I can't answer them. Eventually they give up on getting an answer from me. Another several ponies disappointed with my existence. I'm not the only one. They ask Pinkie about how she knows me. A couple of them remembered hearing about the psychotic jerk who ruined two of Pinkie's parties. The scary one said it was almost a punishable offense. I believe her. I hear footsteps in the distance. RUN It's a small lizard brandishing a scroll. That's new. Apparently it's for the less scary unicorn. Something about a teacher visiting, nothing that concerns me. \\\\\\\\\\ Unless, of course, if Pinkie drags me along for this, too. Apparently this teacher is someone I can't miss out on meeting. Reasonably sure they could miss out on me, though. We seem to be headed for a tree. The library, if I remember right. Needs slightly more rainfall than the rest of the town. Now I know why. What's intriguing is the fact that the building is hollowed out, but still alive. It even has a doorway... no no no why she betrayed me all of itTHEY SEE ME she wanted me to stayshe wanted to catch me why do all this to catch me?breakyoubreakyouBREAKYOU did you hope? Hope is for breaking idiot scum worthless worthlessworthless they know you're WORTHLESS curl up and wait it out give in to the pain and you'll learn your lesson just die and make the world a better place CRACKcripple SKELCHugly SNAPweak SCRAPEworthless whymewhymewhywon'tidie they're just watching watching me cry laughinglaughter CRY FOR ME YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH there's another nononononononononononono she can't be here why is she here is she here to kill me? no if she wanted me dead i'd be dead she's taking me back what did i forget i am disobedient i am worthless i am HUTCH \\\\\\\\\\ I'm on something... soft... That worries me more than anything else... The last thing I saw before passing out was... oh no. I have to find a way to run, but there's something in my way. White and gold walls. Familiar walls. Someone yells, and another voice answers quietly. ...I'm back there. These are the same walls, the same ponies as before. I am 'home'. They took me back. Another pony comes forward. She is like the others, but is even more foreboding, intimidating. She looks down at me. Celestia. Celestia, the most beloved pony in all or Equestria, looking upon me again. Like before. I'm faintly aware of speaking. Lies. Slander. Truths. All like before. All like before. I can't hear over the sound of a howling winter wind taking over my ears as I wither under her gaze. Celestia. The pony who ordered I be corrected. Chapter FiveWhite. White. Herthe one Just smile and nod. Am I alright am I not who you made me? Just smile and nod speaking askingtelling whoamiamiokaywhatismynameiampale When it is asked why it is in pain, it is to lie. I am alright I just did not expect to see youtheonewhohadmechanged here! She's nodding it workedshe'd never believe me I am scum Pink she is concerned for the lowest you have hurt her you will go back for that White just smile i should do what it is told CALM DOWN I'm not in that place again. But the walls? No, it's sunlight and curtains. I'm on a bed? I scramble off of it. I can't ruin someone else's bed. No, it's her bed it's ruined she saw me Why is Pinkie trying to hold me? \\\\\\\\\\ It's the cold again. Familiar friend. They're all looking at me. Guess I've ruined this outing, too. Guess I saved time making the less scary one hate me. And the scary one. they're all looking at you like trash No surprise there. I took one look at truthnotliarcorrect and froze. … Oh, look. It's night out... realitylockschainspain why is she looking at i check on the HUTCH make it scream make it lie make it true covered in pink and close and... warmth is only colder when it goes away, scum \\\\\\\\\\ Scared. Social phobia. Not the first time I've heard those words... Are they true? Only ponies get to have an excuse. i'm just worthless … i made her cry She knew something was wrong you \\\\\\\\\\ i'm home they're gone She lied for me... why? \\\\\\\\\\ How long has it been? The days blend together same worthless me doing the same thing Morning. Wake up. Pinkie's there. No time to think. Pulled out of bed. Can't stay on my legs... She's populating my room with all kinds of stuff. I can't pay her back for this... Speaking of pay, it's almost time for work. If I don't comb my hair, she's going to stuff cupcakes in it... And now we impose ourself on the world. \\\\\\\\\\ So it was the orange friend's trees that I woke up by. Applejack. Appropriate name. They're tasty apples, too. ...I'll pay her back for them sometime. Pinkie insisted that I leave my house today. Something about hardly leaving, which I suppose is true. see how it's gone before … Those fillies almost hit me... Isn't the one Applejack's sister? Apple... something? yeah, that's not offensive at all, assuming they're all apple-based Oh, they were meeting with friends. Good on me getting in their way. Oh, wait... The one's not being friendly. Worthless. Useless. sounds like she's talking about you scum garbage lying laughing pink white filthy low pain blood shaking She's shaking me. Shaking the snow away... ...why? idiot. you still can't accept that she's trying to break you. get close to you, teach me to lean on her so when she finally betrays i, we fall even harder. no one wants us to be happy. no one cares. i'm just a plaything for ponies to hurt and laugh at. don't forget your name I am Hutch. … i am hutch hutch is worthless hutch is to be hurt it obeys and is hurt it disobeys and is hurt it is worthless it is hutch when somepony approaches it, it is to pretend to be happy. it is to remember it is worthless. when somepony shows interest in it, it is to stay distant. it is to remember it is worthless. when somepony tries to make it happy, they are trying to punish it. it is to remember it is worthless. when it fails to keep its distance, it will be hurt. it will remember it is worthless Stay away from her. Keep away from her. Smile smiling hurts and nod. i can't get close. it must stay away. it hurts and is hurt. That is what hutch is for. Goodbye. She is sad. it wasn't distant enough. i hurt her … it can't care caring hurts hurts them hurt it, it isn't allowed to care it is what hutch is for it is what hutch knows pain is why hutch exists pain is why hutch exists say goodbye and push her away \\\\\\\\\\ morning. try not to wake up. Pinkie... don't think. she's asking me to get out of bed. my legs feel cold... my room feels cold. she's holding up a stuffed doll. i need money to not die. i tell her to leave so i can. i look horrible. this way i'm honest. and now we impose ourself on the world. \\\\\\\\\\ She is making keeping my distance from her difficult. Doesn't she know that i hurt everyone around me? This is why I avoided being around ponies in the first place. i'm not supposed to inconvenience anyone... And every day, she's there. Trying not to cry. It's been a week. failure yes worst kind of filth yes a fresh group of tormenters, familiar faces so they are Her friends. Not surprising. They'd know where to find me, after all one of them is my boss. … i'm not ignoring her, i'm trying to avoid hurting her. But they wouldn't understand that. Applejack and my boss are angry curl up and let it happen it will pass all it is is pain One of them prods me, checking to see if it's awake the fear of what's about to happen is the best part, after all the quivering before each blow, the begging and pleading watch hutch squirm hear him cry it's fun hutch is fun i look between my hooves, expecting to see a hoof coming for my face. They're just... looking at me. run before they change their minds run while i still can let them think the lowest of me coward cruel pitiful trash let them think the truth of me hutch hutch hutch hutch maybe She will learn to think the same … warm pink sunrise shake … let her learn now that it isn't worth her time time would be worthless like it Author's Note Sorry for the long break, everyone. Took a while to get to where I could write again. But, hopefully, I can keep on it. See you next time. reyin poetic
Chapter OneChapter One Morning again. Another night with no sleep. No surprise there. Can't stop thinking when I need to. Roll out of bed. Oh my aching legs... My bedroom is too sparse. No surprise there, what with my lack of style. Speaking of lack of style, time to check myself in the mirror. Goodie me. Mane isn't in my eyes. Not a lot of use in combing it. Otherwise I look like crap. No surprise. And now we impose ourself on the world. \\\\\\\\\\ Why did I have to get a job so far away? Oh, right, I couldn't get any other job. Not that I have any right to complain. Lyra, Bon Bon, happy as usual. Who is that pony? I never remember names, do I? Quick check of her Cutie Mark... ... Well, I'm a pervert. It's Lily. And now Lily is looking at me. She probably saw me looking at her flank. Just walk away like nothing happened. Yeah, because that's ever worked. Ah, she caught me. Time to take my rightful punishment. ... She's asking me if I know which food vendors are having sales today. Well good job, me, not only did I get away with being a lech, but I also couldn't help her with her shopping. You've started this day off on the wrong hoof, just like every other day. \\\\\\\\\\ And I'm here. Better get to work. Sweet Apple Acres needs to balance rain and sun, so alternate days the next ten days. The borders of the Everfree typically need rain this time of year, which leaves us with... Twenty cubic feet of cloud left over. Figures I'd leave surplus cloud. It's like I'm trying to get fired. ... Well, having my house clouded out is hardly a loss. \\\\\\\\\\ Time to leave work, and I didn't do anything useful. What's the use in an earth pony arranging weather maps for Ponyville, anyway? None. And work ends so early, anyway. I work, and then go home to spend the afternoon being more worthless, and the evening trying to fall asleep, and failing to do even that task remotely well. No reason to challenge the way things work. Everypony's happy the way things are. \\\\\\\\\\ I just knew I'd do this again. It's... half past four, and I'm still awake. Not that that's any surprise. I hardly do anything, so it makes sense that I'm not tired, right? Or maybe I'm just trying to be nocturnal to avoid other ponies like the antisocial little creep I am. I wonder why ponies put up with me anyway? All I am is dead weight. I occupy an ugly little house and only come out to go to work. Hardly the best pony around. Heh, who am I kidding? The way ponies look at me, they think I'm more like... a monkey. \\\\\\\\\\ Morning again. Another night with no sleep. No surprise there. Can't stop thinking when I need to. Roll out of bed. Oh my aching legs... My bedroom is too sparse. No surprise there, what with my lack of style. Speaking of lack of style, time to check myself in the mirror. Goodie me. Mane isn't in my eyes. Not a lot of use in combing it. Otherwise I look like crap. No surprise. And now we impose ourself on the world. \\\\\\\\\\ No work today. Don't want me around more than I need to be, or something. Much as I try to be polite, I suppose I have to eat. ... That mare accidentally gave me some extra carrots. I need to give them back. Why would she ask if I was sure she wanted the carrots back? I know I counted it out right. \\\\\\\\\\ Last stop, the apple stand. That's strange, normally the salesmare is very attentive. Is that pony her friend? Well, I guess they are friends. After all, most ponies in this town are friends. This pony, though, won't hold still. And she's gone. Apparently nihilism is my thing now. \\\\\\\\\\ Well, what do you know? I actually slept last night. Not to say it was restful, that would imply I could do something right. ... Another day at work, a special request from somepony named Pinkie Pie. Clear skies tomorrow night over eastern Ponyville? There's no way I'd be able to approve that. Wait a minute... all the clearance papers were already filled out? Just who is this pony? ... Oh, good. Another day of work for me to waste everypony's time with tomorrow. Not like my position has any purpose. Apparently any pony can just write in a request, and my whole job becomes even more worthless. Might as well get home so I can say I was in bed all night. \\\\\\\\\\ I get to work, and there's no work to be done. The door wasn't even unlocked. Pretty sure they finally figured out how worthless my job was and fired me. The pony who no one cares for has lost his only source of income, and thus food. And a host of absolutely no one cared. Might as well go home to starve out of sight, then. No sense bothering everyone else. \\\\\\\\\\ Open the door to find... Not the huge piles of food I'd get if the world suddenly worked backwards. Just the room in total darkness like I left it. Come to think of it, I might just leave it that way. The darkness is soothing and warm. Not at all like that place. ...Was that whispering? No. No no. I don't want to remember that place! Please! No! Stop telling me to go. Stop saying I deserve it! That place was horrible. That place... That place... That place was where I belonged. That place was where I learned what I am. They told me. They told me who I am supposed to be. What I am supposed to be. AGH! They turned the lights on! Why did they... Ponies... These ponies... They're looking at me... They can see... me... They know... That mare. From the apple stand, she's here. That pink coat. Pinkie Pie? She set this up? They know, and they're taking me back. No no no nononononono! \\\\\\\\\\ Why did I have to survive falling from that cliff? Celestia not ready to receive me, maybe. More likely she doesn't want to bother with me. Maybe that's why most of Ponyville was gathered together to take me back there. So would it have been better than laying at the bottom of a cliff, possibly dying? Nah. I should definitely go back. Why deprive them of their fun?
Chapter TwoChapter Two Well done, Wunderpferd. Can't even get falling off a cliff and dying right. Not so say I deserve death, of course. I've always been told that nopony deserves death. I don't always agree, though. I, on the other hand, have been chased from my own home, and off a cliff, by ponies who have found out and- -want to take us back to our rightful home. They probably heard about it. Everypony always finds out. I'm easy to read, and a horrible liar. \\\\\\\\\\ Well, the good news is my leg broke the fall. Apparently the mob after me gave up. Must've just wanted me out of town. Most likely torching my belongings. It was all food anyway, no real loss. Not like I can go back anyway. Not on these worthless legs. \\\\\\\\\\ Well, I didn't bloody myself nearly as much as I'd thought. Just sprained my leg. Still meant it took me all night to get back to town. Hopefully I can get to what's left of my house before I'm spotted. I guess it's a good thing I don't stand out. Even when I'm ragged and limping I may as well not exist. Everypony seems content that I've disappeared at least. Oh, no, it's that pink nightmare again. Is she still looking for me? Figures, she set the whole thing up, of course she'd want to finish the job. Is she... lifting up stones? Wow. She gives me too much credit. Maybe if I keep moving, she won't see me... You're kidding, that actually worked? All the good fortune I'll get in my life, and I used it avoiding somepony. Brilliant. Loneliness is hardly difficult for you. \\\\\\\\\\ So they didn't burn my home down. That's not a lot better. They want me to stay. Not the first time that's happened. Only thing worse than ponies wanting you gone is when they want you to stay. Bits in my closet, food in the pantry, pink mare in the living room, books by my bed. Wait a minute... No. Oh, no. How did she find me? It's your house, moron. How did she get in? You never bothered to get a lock for your door. Don't like 'em, right? She's going to take me back. I don't want to go back. Leave me alone, please. I'll do anything, anything if just don't take me back. Does she want me to beg? Small price to pay to not go back. She probably knows that, though. Does she just want to see me miserable knowing that she could take me back anytime? Could anypony be that cruel? Last I knew, you've met several. She's talking to me. Here's hoping begging works. Never did before. Oh, her name's Pinkie Pie. I forgot. Makes enough sense. She wants to know why I ran off? I'm expected to go back, then. What? A party? Why would anypony throw me a party? My name? Why would she care? She's not going to let me go until I tell her, though. Guess I need to talk. Hutch. I hate my name. It's everything that's ever been wrong with my life. And not only because it's my name. She's smiling. Probably recognized the name. \\\\\\\\\\ A second party? Why is she so persistent about it? What is there to gain? More ponies around. You dropping your guard. And why invite me? Oh, wait, it was a party for me. Something about meeting someone new. Not that I'm 'new'. \\\\\\\\\\ I'm not sure how she set up this party so fast. She probably didn't do it alone. Looks like they're all having fun. Where is she, though? Pinkie? Looking for blackmail material? Gah! There she is. How does she always sneak up on me? And what is she holding? A host of honor crown? Why would she give me a crown? And a gold one at... gold clanking shaking wrapping cold terrible ca n't go RUNdon'trun won't let youthought you could escapenever same as same as before closed can't escape cannot run worthlessworthlessworthlessworthlessworthless hate me hate me more cold home shake my life nothing belong hurt me hurt me ask me to die can I call you homeTRUSTED HERwhy trust decision was MADEwho am I to question who takes me everyone takes can't move don't feel don't hold back I wasn't worth itonly to enjoy laughinglaughterlaughatme frozencold frozengold trapped binding blinding white liars why do they let them lie no one knows believes wants speaks cares they speak new truths new HUTCH why am Itheythemusweme I am told I am told I am cold I am told follow the spoken words clanking golden gleaming glaring snaring beating hurting crying laughing LAUGHING run away you haven't done wrong you haven't been happy you haven't been bad they want to lie they want to hurt you hurt you run run run run run they hold me stopping bring me back to place remember the hurt themmake them stop keep running ruining crying stop crying don't stop nowhere is happy nowhere is safeshe lies golden shackles they want me back favorite hurt favorite cry smilingout gone free keep running or they will take me back \\\\\\\\\\ I remember this feeling. Like a blizzard is creeping through your veins, blowing away your thoughts. The world feels like it's separate from you, like a book. Your body feels like someone else, doing things much better than you could if you were in control of yourself. The guy I had to see called it shock. Personally, I don't see how something can define an existence and be such a generic word. 'Shock' is what you feel when something startles you. That actually feels like a shock. This... this isn't shock. This is... icy. Emotionally and physically cold. Hollowed out. … I can't go back. She's there, probably waiting for me. She's nothing but pain waiting to happen. Good. She can't hurt you if she can't find you. Run. Run.
Chapter ThreeI remember. Two of them, they walked up to the third, not like them, smiling. Told him he'd go with them. He asked why. ThumpCrack He was told to follow or else. He should have just gone, of course. I watched them lead him to the home and put him in, told someone would see him soon. Gold everywhere. I remember his asking why he was there, but they didn't answer. Then they took him. The first thing he was asked was what he had done wrong. He said nothing. He didn't know yet. Thump Thump Thump The next day was the same. What had he done wrong, this time with bruises on his side. Again, he said he didn't know. Thump Thump Sculp He cried for the first time that night, nursing a bleeding ear. If I could have, I would have told him to just confess, but I don't think he knew what he'd done wrong yet. And so the next week went, just the same, his skin getting redder and dirtier every day. What had he done wrong? Nothing, he would answer. Thump Thump Thump Then one night, they came into his house. They asked why he was so slow and stupid, why he didn't just confess and tell them what he'd done wrong. He asked them why they were doing wrong. Thump Thump Screaming Thump Thump Cries for help No one answers Thump Thump Wheezing breaths Thump Thump Crunch Silence Then, laughter as they walk away, and quiet sobbing. The next day was the same as the others. He was told to sit, but he couldn't. He didn't even get asked what he'd done wrong. Thump Thump Laughter The next day, he sat on his broken bone. It was better than not. He was asked what he did wrong. That day, he answered correctly the first time. He dissobeyed. Thump Thump Thump Thump The next day was different. That day, he was asked why he was wrong. He couldn't think of an answer. Thump Thump Thulk He spent every night trying to think of why he was wrong, but he couldn't find an answer. It seemed impossible. Thump Scrape Squelp Scream Why was he wrong? Thump Why was he wrong? Crirk Why was he wrong? Snap After two weeks, he was a broken, bloody mess. His own coat color was gone, one ear barely still attached, and he walked on two broken legs. Again, he was asked why he was wrong. He looked at himself and realized why it was wrong to disobey. He was wrong because he was worthless. They took him back and made sure he would remember it. Thump Squelp Crack The next day was again new. He was asked his name. He couldn't remember, Crack Crack Thump It had been so long since he heard a name. The sounds he knew most were the metal hooves when they hit him. Thump Thud Crek Was he allowed to ask his name? He couldn't remember. Snap Couldn't hurt more to ask. He did. He was told. He argued, saying that wasn't his name. Smash Smash Clang He was wrong. They told him who he was. They were right. They corrected him. Tenk Rasp Tump He asked his name the next day. He was told again. Thump Swaap Nok He finally believed them. He wasn't right. They were. They told him who he was. They couldn't make him better, but they could make him do less damage. The next day, he was asked what his name was. He coughed up blood so he could speak. “Hutch,” I said. He smiled and told me I would be released tomorrow, after one more night of being reminded how worthless I was. I didn't object. I needed to be reminded. Thump Thump Crack \\\\\\\\\\ I woke up, again. This time I was by some fields filled with trees. They seemed to be filled with apples. I should just start going to... wherever I'm living next. No way I can go back. I looked east. I'd been to Baltimare before. I think I should be able to stay there for a month or two. Probably won't be able to find a job, though. I sighed and looked back toward the town I had to leave. It was to the north. she found me curl up and it won't hurt as much they only beat you enough to make you remember your lessons let her finish and you can run She's... talking to me? Asking why I ran off again. It's another question, like before. Of course, she's one of them, checking up on me. I don't deserve a party. Why, she asks. Because I'm worthless. She frowned. Was that not the right answer? she's going to take me back don't run running makes it worse She's still talking? … She can't be one of them. She's talking like she knows me. Telling me I'm not worthless. Wasn't her mane straight before? Of course you can't remember. She's asking me not to run. If she isn't one of them, I suppose I can stay. For now, at least. Author's Note Thank you for reading, please review!
Chapter FourSurprisingly, I got back to what is still my house without issue. Even more surprising is that the party was gone, as though she had never flooded my home with ponies in the first place. The most surprising thing of all, actually, is that she's still around. I would have thought by now she'd have gotten so uncomfortable that she'd give up trying to enjoy herself around me. All things in time... \\\\\\\\\\ She's been visiting me every day for two weeks after the unnecessary parties. I'm not sure what exactly she comes to my house for, but she spends most of the time talking at me about her day. If nothing else, it gives me a reason to clean up the house... She's asking me why I don't get out of the house? That's a stupid question... Nowhere to go except work and the market, and that's just so I don't starve to death. Plenty of better ways to die. And I don't have any friends to visit, either. Why she would think I'd have any to begin with is beyond me. ... She wants me to come on a picnic with her and her friends? Why would she want me to ruin an outing with her friends? And for that matter, why is she wasting time here when she could be with friends? \\\\\\\\\\ Knock It's my day off, and I actually was having a dreamless sleep for once. Figures it would be interrupted. It's her. She's actually going to take me to that picnic. I get the feeling I should just give up sleep completely with her dropping in all the time. \\\\\\\\\\ I didn't know the Ponyville Park was this nice... Not that I've ever had reason to come here. Pinkie's friends have to be somewhere around white here. one of them That pony... she's unnerving... She doesn't look familiar, though. run I force myself not to run screaming. I'd know soon enough if they were going to take me back. Besides, I should trust Pinkie. If I trust her she'll betray me sooner. Get it over and done with. Oh. She was introducing them to me. And I missed every single one of their names. That's going to work out swimmingly. She... she's asking me to introduce myself. As if letting my name out to my boss wasn't enough. Wait a sec, isn't that my boss laying in the tree above them? ...And she saw me. Brilliant. Great, even more attention focused on me. Well, at least she told them my name and job, so they know everything of interest about me, and I don't have to say anything. ... Nice try. Should have known it couldn't be that easy. Where am I from? Canterlot. The scary one is interested. She knows. She's one of them. What's my family like? I don't have one. They all seem bothered by that. What does my cutie mark mean? One of them recognizes it as my namesake. I can't answer them. Eventually they give up on getting an answer from me. Another several ponies disappointed with my existence. I'm not the only one. They ask Pinkie about how she knows me. A couple of them remembered hearing about the psychotic jerk who ruined two of Pinkie's parties. The scary one said it was almost a punishable offense. I believe her. I hear footsteps in the distance. RUN It's a small lizard brandishing a scroll. That's new. Apparently it's for the less scary unicorn. Something about a teacher visiting, nothing that concerns me. \\\\\\\\\\ Unless, of course, if Pinkie drags me along for this, too. Apparently this teacher is someone I can't miss out on meeting. Reasonably sure they could miss out on me, though. We seem to be headed for a tree. The library, if I remember right. Needs slightly more rainfall than the rest of the town. Now I know why. What's intriguing is the fact that the building is hollowed out, but still alive. It even has a doorway... no no no why she betrayed me all of itTHEY SEE ME she wanted me to stayshe wanted to catch me why do all this to catch me?breakyoubreakyouBREAKYOU did you hope? Hope is for breaking idiot scum worthless worthlessworthless they know you're WORTHLESS curl up and wait it out give in to the pain and you'll learn your lesson just die and make the world a better place CRACKcripple SKELCHugly SNAPweak SCRAPEworthless whymewhymewhywon'tidie they're just watching watching me cry laughinglaughter CRY FOR ME YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH there's another nononononononononononono she can't be here why is she here is she here to kill me? no if she wanted me dead i'd be dead she's taking me back what did i forget i am disobedient i am worthless i am HUTCH \\\\\\\\\\ I'm on something... soft... That worries me more than anything else... The last thing I saw before passing out was... oh no. I have to find a way to run, but there's something in my way. White and gold walls. Familiar walls. Someone yells, and another voice answers quietly. ...I'm back there. These are the same walls, the same ponies as before. I am 'home'. They took me back. Another pony comes forward. She is like the others, but is even more foreboding, intimidating. She looks down at me. Celestia. Celestia, the most beloved pony in all or Equestria, looking upon me again. Like before. I'm faintly aware of speaking. Lies. Slander. Truths. All like before. All like before. I can't hear over the sound of a howling winter wind taking over my ears as I wither under her gaze. Celestia. The pony who ordered I be corrected.
Chapter FiveWhite. White. Herthe one Just smile and nod. Am I alright am I not who you made me? Just smile and nod speaking askingtelling whoamiamiokaywhatismynameiampale When it is asked why it is in pain, it is to lie. I am alright I just did not expect to see youtheonewhohadmechanged here! She's nodding it workedshe'd never believe me I am scum Pink she is concerned for the lowest you have hurt her you will go back for that White just smile i should do what it is told CALM DOWN I'm not in that place again. But the walls? No, it's sunlight and curtains. I'm on a bed? I scramble off of it. I can't ruin someone else's bed. No, it's her bed it's ruined she saw me Why is Pinkie trying to hold me? \\\\\\\\\\ It's the cold again. Familiar friend. They're all looking at me. Guess I've ruined this outing, too. Guess I saved time making the less scary one hate me. And the scary one. they're all looking at you like trash No surprise there. I took one look at truthnotliarcorrect and froze. … Oh, look. It's night out... realitylockschainspain why is she looking at i check on the HUTCH make it scream make it lie make it true covered in pink and close and... warmth is only colder when it goes away, scum \\\\\\\\\\ Scared. Social phobia. Not the first time I've heard those words... Are they true? Only ponies get to have an excuse. i'm just worthless … i made her cry She knew something was wrong you \\\\\\\\\\ i'm home they're gone She lied for me... why? \\\\\\\\\\ How long has it been? The days blend together same worthless me doing the same thing Morning. Wake up. Pinkie's there. No time to think. Pulled out of bed. Can't stay on my legs... She's populating my room with all kinds of stuff. I can't pay her back for this... Speaking of pay, it's almost time for work. If I don't comb my hair, she's going to stuff cupcakes in it... And now we impose ourself on the world. \\\\\\\\\\ So it was the orange friend's trees that I woke up by. Applejack. Appropriate name. They're tasty apples, too. ...I'll pay her back for them sometime. Pinkie insisted that I leave my house today. Something about hardly leaving, which I suppose is true. see how it's gone before … Those fillies almost hit me... Isn't the one Applejack's sister? Apple... something? yeah, that's not offensive at all, assuming they're all apple-based Oh, they were meeting with friends. Good on me getting in their way. Oh, wait... The one's not being friendly. Worthless. Useless. sounds like she's talking about you scum garbage lying laughing pink white filthy low pain blood shaking She's shaking me. Shaking the snow away... ...why? idiot. you still can't accept that she's trying to break you. get close to you, teach me to lean on her so when she finally betrays i, we fall even harder. no one wants us to be happy. no one cares. i'm just a plaything for ponies to hurt and laugh at. don't forget your name I am Hutch. … i am hutch hutch is worthless hutch is to be hurt it obeys and is hurt it disobeys and is hurt it is worthless it is hutch when somepony approaches it, it is to pretend to be happy. it is to remember it is worthless. when somepony shows interest in it, it is to stay distant. it is to remember it is worthless. when somepony tries to make it happy, they are trying to punish it. it is to remember it is worthless. when it fails to keep its distance, it will be hurt. it will remember it is worthless Stay away from her. Keep away from her. Smile smiling hurts and nod. i can't get close. it must stay away. it hurts and is hurt. That is what hutch is for. Goodbye. She is sad. it wasn't distant enough. i hurt her … it can't care caring hurts hurts them hurt it, it isn't allowed to care it is what hutch is for it is what hutch knows pain is why hutch exists pain is why hutch exists say goodbye and push her away \\\\\\\\\\ morning. try not to wake up. Pinkie... don't think. she's asking me to get out of bed. my legs feel cold... my room feels cold. she's holding up a stuffed doll. i need money to not die. i tell her to leave so i can. i look horrible. this way i'm honest. and now we impose ourself on the world. \\\\\\\\\\ She is making keeping my distance from her difficult. Doesn't she know that i hurt everyone around me? This is why I avoided being around ponies in the first place. i'm not supposed to inconvenience anyone... And every day, she's there. Trying not to cry. It's been a week. failure yes worst kind of filth yes a fresh group of tormenters, familiar faces so they are Her friends. Not surprising. They'd know where to find me, after all one of them is my boss. … i'm not ignoring her, i'm trying to avoid hurting her. But they wouldn't understand that. Applejack and my boss are angry curl up and let it happen it will pass all it is is pain One of them prods me, checking to see if it's awake the fear of what's about to happen is the best part, after all the quivering before each blow, the begging and pleading watch hutch squirm hear him cry it's fun hutch is fun i look between my hooves, expecting to see a hoof coming for my face. They're just... looking at me. run before they change their minds run while i still can let them think the lowest of me coward cruel pitiful trash let them think the truth of me hutch hutch hutch hutch maybe She will learn to think the same … warm pink sunrise shake … let her learn now that it isn't worth her time time would be worthless like it Author's Note Sorry for the long break, everyone. Took a while to get to where I could write again. But, hopefully, I can keep on it. See you next time. reyin poetic
