Metamorphosis? The Story of Another Human Turned Pony.

by Daaberlicious

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character
Length: 10252

Electroshock70's obvious self insert fanfic. What more is there to say?

...You'd think I'd be the 1,000th human to enter Equestria as a pony, but NOOOOOO... I had to be the first!

AND MY FAN-BASE! What will they think of my absence? I'd hate to break their darling little hearts... [img]http://www.fimfiction-static.net/images/emoticons/fluttercry.png[/img]

DO NOT TAKE COMPLETELY SERIOUSLY.

SERIOUSLY.

I'm just having a little fun on the side of my major fan-fiction.

So... Before you say "Obvious self insert", let me tell you that, yes, you are correct. I am the dominant character here, but only because I want to be funny.

Things NOT TO EXPECT:
-Strict updating time
-Story edits to fit canon
-Story correspondence to current canon
-Caring that you hate this story
-Caring that you love this story
-Caring about anything

Published 2013-02-17 05:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-21 15:02:40 UTC

I Hijacked a Rainbow to the World of Friendship

As Electroshock awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into an adorable equine.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, for his adorably small and green-furred self was curled up under an excessive amount of bedding. Just the way he liked it.

But he was awake now.

He cannot ever go back to sleep once awake.

As is naturally so, his first thoughts wandered towards why his alarm had not been switched on. He sought it fit to blame his brother for mistakenly turning off the device.

"Hey Will-"

Two things doubtless struck him as odd. His twin brother was not in his usual place to groan out a "what", and his voice happened to have a higher pitch than usual. Not even shaking the sleep out of his head and attempting once more could remove this feeling.

This was true because no man could possibly remove the feeling of what happens to actually be.

Two sleepy blinks later and he bolted strait up from his curled position in his bed, extreme amount of covers hanging over his equine head in order to make certain he was still in the room he shared with his brother.

It was a balmy 75 degrees in the Everfree forest. Perfect for Manticores and Cocatrices and Timber Wolves and who knows what to frolic and play in. Insufficient light passed through the canopy, only enough to see one's hoof touching their own nose, and that the confine they were in had a forest for a wall.

Electroshock's entire spine went up in temperature as he shivered in sudden realization of the terrors he could be facing. His breaths came heavy and dry, each one feeling horribly disgusting, as was so in the morning. Oh, how he would have loved to simply wake up and get ready for another dreary day of high-school!

But this was not to be, so he instead settled for submerging himself inside his bedspread and hope it was all a dream.

He could not possibly know that this was a horribly bad idea, for by hiding himself, he would only see himself within his transformed state. Having seen this transformed state, he let off a long and loud high-pitched scream of a man in utter horror and torment, only to cut it short with laughter, simply due to the humorous quality of the vocalization.

This too was cut silent.

Someone would think he belonged in a mad-house if it continued.

He was no less disturbed than before having screamed, but Electroshock was determined to make his way home from this insane prank that was pulled on him. Then he would find these pranksters and tell them how amazing they were for managing to transform him.

That idea was simply scrapped, seeing as, by all rights, such a thing was impossible, and therefore, no one was to blame for this.

He realized that he was having another fling-flang of emotions after a brief review of his waking actions. Instead, he flung off the covers and proceeded to examine himself in his new equine form. He pushed all four hooves into the mattress experimentally while observing how they worked.

"Green fur... I like it. Yup. Green's my favorite." He spoke aloud, yet quietly, as he tended to do when alone.

"What's this? A cutie mark! Lessee lessee It's got a... Stylus for my pen-pad and a... Paint brush. Why not a pencil? Dig the swell hoodie, though." A grey and ridiculously comfortable hooded sweater sat snug over his upper body, somehow still comfortable despite the lack of any clothing on his lower.

Pacing once in a circle, he noticed his short tail swishing behind him.

"Well, my hair-color's the same at least. I mean, mane color. That's what I meant." Correcting himself proved to be pointless, for no one was listening.

"Awesome. Okay... I need to name my self. I can't be in Ponyville without a name, anyway. Wait. 'Ponyville'? How do I even know I'm in Equestria? This could just be some scary dark forest like all the many others on earth..."

He blinked in the darkness.

"Oh, hang it. I'll name myself anyway." He said, bringing his right hoof briefly to his chin. It was lowered once more to retain a balance that he was unaware he needed. If you try standing on 3 legs when you're somewhat top heavy, you will see why.

He planted his "plot" on a plump pillow and pondered to procure a pony name. It took .2 seconds.

"Scribblescratch! That's it. Totally. Not changing anything, no sir!" Having found brief reward in giving himself a designation, Scribblescratch jumped around on all four hooves and made a joyful idiot of himself.

But... There was one thing that he did not think of until now. It's very much important if your height is half that of a human's when you're on all fours.

"Uhhh... How do I get down?"

What else?

He fearlessly jumped.

He did not bother to peak over the side first. It was a 50 foot chasm that the bed was next to, littered with sharp rocks at the bottom, a frothy river covering said rocks, and all manner of creatures in the sides of the chasm to watch him fall like a terrified mess, tears streaming out of his eyes, and that most peculiar spinal heat that seemed to happen in times when he was scared.

Anyone could guess his thoughts, but why take my word for it? here's a peak for yourself.

OH NO OH NO OH NO FALLING FALLING FALLING FALLING I'M GONNA DIE HELP SOMEONE HELP ME I'M FALLING HELP HELP HELP *THUMP*

Unfortunately, dear readers, you will have to wait to find out what that thump exactly was. Perhaps you will assume the worst, because surely, *heh heh*, you have no attachment to ME, do you?

...Please tell me you do.

Or Rather, The Rainbow Hijacked Me

Ever broke a rib?

Maybe 10?

Or perhaps a femur bone? You know, the bone that when the doctor asks you about how much it hurts, you have every right to say 10 on a scale of 1 to 10?

Good. We're on the same page here.

After that huge fall, I still didn't break anything. See, this is why I can't actually be cool. I never had a cast that I could lie about, saying I got it saving a cute girl from an evil fire-breathing tiger, or something.

The gator underneath me probably broke horribly. I heard SOMETHING crunch. Hmm. Crunchy gator? Those things should be tougher than ponies, shouldn't they?

I looked up. It wasn't 20 feet, but rather 5 feet. The sharp rocks were just pebbles, and the frothy river? It was a frothy creek.

I can't explain the gator. It just died. And I'm honestly a little sad for the poor thing. Probably was picked on in school and had no friends, and here I come and kill it, somehow.

"Oh good. It's alive."

The Alligator reared up on it's hind legs and pivoted it's huge head towards me.

"Wait. That's bad, isn't it?"

It's eyes narrowed at me. Any moron would have bolted at that moment. However, I'm no mere moron. I happen to be foolish, and I punched that gator right in the face before running.

Except, I never got to run, because it had my ~~hand~~ hoof in it's claw before it even made contact. I'm certain my face scrunched up in anticipation for whatever mutilation I was about to suffer.

"Why did you punch me, little pony?"

Pwing! My eyes shot back open in disbelief. "You can TALK?"

"No. You just understand me, That's all." True to it's strange logic, I heard a low rumble accompany the things it "said".

"So why'd you do it?"

"Yeah, uh, I think I did it because I was terrified beyond all reason. Just kinda sorta peeing my pants."

"You are not wearing pants."

"Oh... It's an expression."

*Hrrrrrrr...* This rumble did not have any word meaning behind it, but managed to convey a bit of frustration.

"What was that about?"

"It's just that every single pony I come across wants to avoid me, not ask me how my day was."

"Well, I'm certain you know why. Gators-"

*Grrrrrrr.* Offended tone. Oops. Better watch how I say it.

"Sorry. Alligators don't really do much by pony standards. They usually just sit around in some nice pool and chill, kinda waiting for some poor beastie to come up and take a drink, then snagging them and drowning them in the water and shredding them to bits! You can see why we don't talk much, yes?"

"But... We don't eat Ponies, do we?"

"Actually, never seen you in the show. Couldn't tell you."

An awkward pause as the alligator cocked an eyebrow.

"Could you like, grip my hood instead or something? This is starting to hurt...

What kind of things do you eat, anyway?"

"Timber Wolves. I'm a vegan." It informed me, accommodating to my comfort by switching grip to the scruff of my hoodie.

"Oh, okay. So how was your day?"

The alligator scratched it's chin thoughtfully. "Very relaxed. As you said, I like to 'chill' in this creek here. The currents can be quite hypnotizing."

I looked down briefly at the creek, and almost lost myself in the current patterns.

"Then you fell and fixed my back problems (hence the crunch in case you were concerned), got up, and had the gull to tell me I was better off dead."

"Better for me! You don't understand the possibility of being eaten here, do you?"

"And I'm telling you, I wouldn't eat anypony."

"Okay! Okay! Nice gator!"

I got a light slap on the muzzle. "If you're going to say any part of it, say all of it. None of your 'gator' stuff."

"Alright. Fine. Alligator."

"Good." It smiled and dropped me in the creek bed before laying down again.

"...So... Where am I?"

"I thought you knew, what with the way you said it."

"No, that was an educated guess that it was the Everfree. I could be in some other place for what I know. ...Where am I?"

"The Everfree."

"That's so cliche..." I said, although a huge shiver ran down my spine when the alligator said it.

"What's wrong?"

"I'MGONNADIE."

The huge reptile put a comforting arm around my shoulder. "Oh, none of that, little pony. I got your back! We can get you out of the Everfree without a single misaligned hair in your mane."

I stared. And stared. And blinked. And stared again. And thought. And all that thinking told me it was probably okay. So that's what I said. "Okay".

In no time at all, I was merrily, and quite literally trotting my way out of the Everfree, escorted by an alligator bodyguard. On the way towards the traditionally recognized entrance of the forest of which is ever free, the alligator informed me of his gender (thoughtful of him, as alligators aren't very sexually dimorphic), and of his name, or rather, the thing everyone calls him. This thing, being Mr. Alligator, was first put into use by Fluttershy, his only pony acquaintance and friend until now.

She also happened to be a frequent subject of his. No surprise, since he described her as a sort of guardian angel, or "The sweetest thing ever to associate with an alligator".

My unexpected reptile companion and I were making good time through the forest, what with him scaring away every last scary thing that tried to scare me, when I suddenly plopped down on my face and fell asleep. Thinking back, it was weird... I didn't feel sleepy until right at that moment.

The sun shone warmly on my face as my eyes slowly obeyed the command to open. They revealed a pleasant blur of warm and cheerful colors. Coupled with the encompassing warmth in my lower body, the overall sensation made me dead certain I did not want to get up. This bed was, quite simply, too good to get out of.

Of course, my bed always feels like that, I thought to myself. Just the way I like it.

Just then, I heard a soft knock on the door. Hmm. Dad must want me to stop sleeping the day away.

In my hurry to get out of bed so as to stop sleeping the day away, I tripped on my own hooves, fell out of someone else's bed and got rather tangled up in it's sheets, bashing my head hard against the pleasantly colored wooden floor. However, the resulting confusion from this wasn't what set me into terror once again.

A tiny little squeak rang out on the other side of the door, two seconds prior to Fluttershy's abrupt burst into the room. She came in and examined my poor head with the well practiced skill of a doctor, all the while desperately apologizing like a sincerely, terribly, horribly sorry six-year-old girl.

Once my eyes stopped rolling in their sockets, they shot open as my mind made the connection.

Fluttershy. Her bed. Ponyville. Equestira.

Okay, so much for the it was all dream theory. I need to scream now.

...And scream I did. In my high pitched, young boy-ish scream that sounds funny to someone who usually sounds 18.

You can't blame me, can you?

Except For Last Chapter. That's Kind of a Downer

By all rights, night-time in Ponyville should have been nice.

Sure, the rain kinda goes against the traditional definition of nice night, but it was the sort of rain that fell down warm and quietly, seemingly coming from invisible clouds for how shiny the moon and stars were.

Bear this in mind, however: While I had gotten a simple job cleaning the roads after market, I soon found out that the amount of bits I received in pay was not sufficient for any one day stay at a local hotel. My long walk in the rain, jumping from lobby to lobby in search of one cheap enough for my meager quantity of bits had gotten me totally soaked, and the last dregs of energy from the cinnamon loaf had long since disappeared from broom pushing... Not to mention that walking all evening when one is running on fumes got tiring very quickly.

I was tired, sopping wet, cold from being wet, hungry and about to beg somepony for shelter, and I did not find this night pleasant.

Simply sitting on a bench instead of knocking on a door, I cursed my pride for each droplet of rain that fell on my prominent nose and ears, and hoped somepony would simply come along and offer a place to stay for each raindrop that fell on my miserable green toosh.

"Hmm. Saw you walking by some odd 10 times, I did. You giving up on something now?"

My head pivoted towards the unicorn I did not know I shared the bench with. He looked as though he had been out on the street for a long time. He had sort of washed out yellow fur, long, black facial hair and mane, and a thin, worn, and patched blue coat which matched well with his dark blue beanie.

"No. Uh... Just taking a break."

"Makes sense to me. ...So, what's your story then? Can't have been out on the streets for long."

"Just since this afternoon."

"Ooh. First night's always the roughest, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm. ...So, you care to share, then?"

I sighed. "Wouldn't make a lick of sense anyway," I said, curling up on the the bench in my, impressively enough, still comfortable hoodie.

"Aw, heck! You see me? I'm a blank-flank! Wouldn't be a problem, except my mark just up and disappeared after 15 years of having it. Used to be an electrician, I was."

"And now-" He said, adding emphasis with tone of voice and a single tap of his hoof, "Couldn't tell you how a light bulb works."

"... There are no light bulbs in Equestria." I threw a look of confusion at him from over my shoulder.

In response, he pulled out one from his pocket. "They do exist, see? Just never managed to figure out power lines before my mark went ker-poot. No biggie. Torchlight and magic seems to work anyway. So go on and tell me about you. I'll be able to believe it, I think." He pocketed his treasure and looked at me with an encouraging smile.

"... I'm not a pony. I jumped dimensions for some reason and ended up-" I swallowed back the grief, still rather new. "... I ended up here. Didn't even have anything."

"Aw heck! You are a pony, that I won't lie about, but that dimension hop story doesn't seem much farther fetched than my cutie-mark disappearing!"

"No! I-I mean I wasn't a pony, but I am now. I shouldn't be a pony."

"Hmm! So you're saying you were something else?"

"Yeah..."

"Darn shame... Well, I'd be sweeping streets like you probably did, but I found this humble life of mine much better! Sure, I'm starving, but I'm my own stalion!" He put a hoof to his chest, saluting his low-income lifestyle in a way.

Suddenly, his ears pricked and I noticed whistling.

"Ooh! Better lickity-split! That there's Miss Morning Glitter! She won't let me sleep in my alley! Drags me to her place if she sees me!"

The middle-aged hobo-stallion jumped off the bench and saluted me. "Best of luck to you, youngster! In fact, you might just get shelter forced upon you tonight! Heh heh heh!" With that, he galloped full tilt into an alley way.

"...Bit of an eccentric, but nice man, I guess."

... Stalion. Not man.

I nestled into my hoodie and contemplated attempting to sleep, when I remembered the whistling.

It was a merry tune that was performed skillfully, each and every note in time with their owner's hoof-beats as they advanced towards the plaza. A small light hovered just above their head, proving that they in fact had magic ability within them.

Of course, this stranger was of great interest to me. I was in Equestria. The real thing! How could my O.C. possibly be living here too?

I immediately recognized her, but the chances are that you don't have a flipping idea what she looks like. For those of you who do not know, she is a pegasus mare with light green fur, light blue mane, and dark blue eyes. Her mane and tail fur are quite thick, somewhat resemble teardrop shapes and have two white lines in the mane, and two in the tail, giving her a bubbly sort of appearance. Her wings are just a bit larger than those of other pegasi, of which when combined with the masses of fur on her mane and tail, make her look somewhat bigger than she actually is. She has a sweet, young voice that is perfect for singing, which is usually accompanied by mounds of good humor and a touch of innocence.

But wait... How does she manage light magic then? Truth be told, she only works with light magic, but her skill and cleverness with this frequently tricks other ponies into thinking she can do more.

The origin of this magic has something to do with her spine, but doctors cannot figure out the exacts of how that works any more than how the brain or the unicorn horn does. Several theories regarding recessive traits and fully-magical skeletons exist, but those are just that. Theories.

Anyway, back to my mental breakdown, already in progress.

NO. NO. NO!

NO NO NO NO NO!

She stopped whistling and trotted up when she saw me, light ball in tow. "Hey. Are you okay?"

Yes. It's true.

"Yes. I Mean NO! No I'm not! I've been out in the rain all night and I don't have a house and I'm hungry and cold and no I'm not alright!"

She stared at me with surprise, but thankfully remained where she was after the outburst. I shivered and curled up tighter.

"...Please help me..." I said, in perhaps the most humble, depressing, and soft way I ever did within my recent history.

I must have done something right, like throw in puppy eyes, or whimper, or move my ears in such a way as to amplify my sad expression, because instead of just helping me up, she picked me up in an orb of light, deposited me lengthwise on her back, and began to trot briskly back the way she came.

In retrospect, however, her determined demeanor probably wouldn't have let her leave me be even if I had taken to running away... Although to run away, I'd probably be very, very stupid.

"Poor guy... I don't want you to think I'm not going to help you, because I help everypony I can... It's just that you were so passionate about your depressing state of affairs that I was startled! ...Did you catch all that? Some ponies say I speak with too many big words."

"... I like big words..." I said quietly, extremely thankful for the little light-umbrella she had conjured up. 5 hours in the rain up till, I'll guess 11:00 p.m, is not enjoyable... Especially since the news I got in the morning was so soul-crushing.

She gave a little laugh. "Well, I infer that you and I shall find many diversions together while you recover from the effects of a lack of permanent housing... Hypothermia, malnourishment and whatnot. Would you infer likewise... ?" She drifted off, uncertain of my name.

"Scribblescratch."

"I love that name! It is so you! I can tell!" Wincing suddenly, she ruffled her feathers, never once loosing footing or balance as she continued. "Sweet Celestia, you're completely soaked! I'd better get you home soon into a nice, warm bed by a cozy fire. Does that sound nice?"

"...Food too. I'd like that... Please?"

She threw me a big grin. "You betcha! Something warm and tasty- I plan on warming you up a lot! No matter that it's 11:27, a pony who hasn't eaten all day needs to eat!"

Oh... Later than I thought.

"...I had a loaf of cinnamon bread from Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie gave it to me."

"Wow. I'm amazed you ran all day on that. Pinkie does it, sure, but I haven't seen anypony else manage it!"

"...I've got a suicidal independent streak. I didn't run on it. Just on my poor pony legs... And sheer pride."

"Oh. Well, I don't mean to tell you that you did anything wrong, but pride goes before the fall, right? ...The fall into poverty, in this case." She threw me a pitying look.

"...I can see that..." It made sense to me, for a non-traditional use of the saying.

My mount jumped deftly over a large puddle in the cobblestone, and I could tell we were getting off the town path now... But all that concerned me was the steady swaying motion of her trot that was lulling me into a peaceful stupor.

"Hey. Wake up back there! I kinda need to tell you about myself, don't I?" She chirped, giving a little jump to snap me out of my stupor.

"...I don't think this is formal enough for that..." I said, settling back into her fur. I didn't want to hear what I already knew. Mmm. Minty.

"Who cares?" She flung her head upwards, then started telling me the brief version of her life story.

Once again, I would skip this, but you know almost nothing about her compared to me. Basically, as quoted:

"I'm kinda the black sheep in the family, with both my parents and all 3 of my sisters being unicorns, while I was the only pegasus.

I grew up in kind of a crazy-yet-fun sort of family, you know, the kind you never know that you want unless you don't have it! But I was probably the weirdest: I got my cutie-mark saving my sister from Froggy-Bottom Bog when I was like, 8, and none of us could figure it out until I used my talent again during a camping trip.

It didn't seem like anything special, just a ball of light to read the books I brought... Except it seemed to come from my spine, or something! That confused the doctors, let me tell you!

Before I knew it, I was in magic school alongside other unicorn fillies and colts, which slowly progressed to Celestia's school for gifted unicorns, and now I have a plaque in my room that says I'm the foremost expert on all things light magic."

She threw a smile over her shoulder at me. "Didn't even get a job with magic. I'm just a mediocre member of the Ponyville weather team. You know, where all Ponyville pegasi end up! Couldn't have asked for better!"

I got propped myself up on Morning's back and let a sneeze fly over my shoulder. "*AA-SHOOOO!* Unngh. Darn allergies..."

"Woah! You've got some lungs in you! Ever tried singing with them?"

"...Middle school choir. Didn't like it... I mean... I sang... Okay, but..."

"Too easy? I hope that's what you mean!"

"Yeah..."

"*Keh-choo!* Wow. Now you got me doing it too! Anyway, home sweet home! Please take this opportunity to disembark and proceed into the building,"

Morning's house did not look different from most the others in Ponyville: Same thatch roof, white painted wood, brown scaffolding showing decoratively, and a grey-white brick chimney sticking out the top. It also had the traditional (so I presumed) four stories with ground-level, higher level, attic, and a very likely basement.

But the similarities stopped there as the brown door turned into brownish vapor, allowing us passage, and then re-forming once we were in. I had been floated into the living room along with my new suitcase that I had forgotten about. I must have been carrying it all day, but I don't remember...

"I take it that is yours? It was by your place at the bench, and I saw your name on it."

"...It's mine."

She peeked into the living room. "What's in it? ...Take off your hoodie and sit by the fire, by the way."

I did as suggested, leaving the hoodie close to the fireplace. "...Blankets and stuff. Wouldn't have worked well in the rain."

"Oh, you know... There might not be anything in there anymore..." Morning said with contemplation, popping open the brass snaps of the suitcase. "Yeah. Empty."

"Oh no... Now I'm getting my only things stollen."

"Don't blame anyone! I overheard Pinkie talking about you to Twilight this afternoon, and if what she says about being a lost soul is true, then this was going to happen too. ...Have you met Pinkie? I forget."

"Yeah. I already told you about what she gave me..." I moped, laying on my right side to warm my now bare back against the fire.

"Oh, sorry! Let me set up your bed..." She trotted away around the corner, and I heard noises in the kitchen/dining room, and later, the sound of another door shimmering away.

While Morning busied herself, I absorbed the look and feel of the living room. The rain pitter-pattered against the glass of the two small windows, one right of the fireplace, and one on the side wall to the left of it. The living-room had a golden-red theme, with it's red walls and golden-trimmed red loveseat. A light brown-gold coffee table sat by the loveseat, and an ottoman was situated next to an easy-chair. The ottoman and chair matched the loveseat and were situated on it's right end.

A simple flower-pot filled to the brim with golden flowers sat on top of the fireplace, while floating shelves next to the fireplace and along the right wall contained various forms of fiction, from what I could tell based on titles.

To top it all off, an intricately patterned tapestry of brown, yellow and white hung above the loveseat, and I was laying on a plush gold area-rug, simply patterned with square stitching along the edges.

I briefly wondered something: If the door could do that, and this is Morning Glitter's house... Could it be made of light? If so, could everything else be light too? I'd expect no less if it were possible...

Looking at the flame in the fireplace, I noticed that the logs did not seem to pop, snap, or crumble as time went by. So I did something that would normally have been stupid by sticking my hoof in the flame. It was quite warm, but my dangerous experiment revealed very cool results. By which, I mean not a single hair on my foreleg was even singed.

"Hey Scribbles! Heads up!"

I looked just in time to be completely covered by the best blanket ever. Morning lifted me onto an equally comfortable mattress and presented me with a bowl of something warm and very good smelling to a starved pony.

"This is a little get-well-quick recipe I made up. It's got mashed fruit, eggs, oats, milk and sugar all mixed together, and it's made to combat malnutrition as well as an empty stomach."

Fruit? I never liked fruit all that much... I guess I shouldn't be picky, though... I thought, staring at the bowl with distrust.

She laid down next to me on the mattress and whispered conspiratorially in my ear: "I was told not to tell anypony about this, but food is eaten by sticking it in the mouth and swallowing!" Then she giggled mischievously and encouraged me to take my time.

I didn't, and had the whole thing downed in less than a minute, very definitely not savoring the flavor. ...I think it was yummy, but I'm not sure.

"...That stuff has taste to it too, you know!" She let out a little laugh. "Were you hungry, or something?"

"Yeah." I replied simply. It came out sorta like a puff of air... Apparently I didn't stop to breathe once that whole time.

She gave me a pat on the shoulder. "Awesome! My recipe is a winner as always! Anyway, it's almost 12:00, so that makes it your bed-time by default." This new declaration was punctuated by the forceful placement of my head onto the mattress.

"Oh, come on..." I said with a yawn. "I was just now thinking about hurting myself by loosing sleep! You're no fun."

I must be feeling better. I can joke now.

She gave a brief, amused laugh at this. "Well, my house, my rules. Nopony who's my guest is going to starve or lose sleep, so let's hear some Z's!" She proclaimed, jumping off the incredibly soft mattress.

I gave out a sad sigh. At this, she lowered her head and looked me in the eyes. "Hey... We'll talk more tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded. Satisfied, Morning left the room, dimming the general light in the place and leaving another gust of minty smell in her wake.

As I settled into my bed, back facing the sorta-flame, I realized why I had thought of it as the best bed ever. The very well padded huge green mattress could have better been described as a giant pillow, and paired with the equally huge darker purple blanket, the whole thing felt softer than anything I had ever slept in.

As I drifted off, I noticed that the whole set retained the not-fire's heat well, if it didn't produce a little of it's own.

Morning... You perfect sweet wonderful soul...

My eyes popped open from that sudden thought. Woah. Where'd that come from?

Let's Make an "Upper", Then!

The origin of this odd thought had to be explored. Because I went through such exploration, my mind decided to divide into two factions and have a debate of sorts.

It was, surprisingly, literally so.

That really, honestly, and for definitely surely just came out of my head.

Yes... Yes it did.

But where would that COME FROM?

Think, doofus. You just got your poor chilly tooshy saved by a sweetheart. Why wouldn't it come?

There is that...

You might say it scored her more than a few points of your favor, wouldn't you?

Sure, it does... But there's nothing to say that I'd want to date her!

... And to think you were a doofus before.

... What?

Who created her concept?

I did... I think.

And what kind of person is she?

Someone I would get along very well with. Why?

That's the key! You designed her to be a person you'd like to date, didn't you?

...Yeah?

And now that she exists... You want to date her.

... Court her. I want to court her.

What are you doing now, speaking ye olde English?

"Courtship: the act, period, or art of seeking the love of someone with intent to marry". It said so online.

Your memory's not that good. Did you look up a dictionary instead, or something?

I- I... I don't know.

Eeh, chalk it up to robust Pegasus brains or something. Anyway, I have something important to tell you.

Yes?

I ate the tuna sandwich.

... So you did.

Now, as agreed upon, you are to jump into a pool of sharks for me.

Not pool 61?

Of course not. Just go away and do it, and you'll get your X-box as promised.

I jumped into the air and glitched through, landing in the swamp. The Krakken soon had it's tentacles wrapped around me and was going to whisper sweet nothings in my ear...

As promised, of course. But that didn't happen because Chewbacca flew in on an airliner and dropped an atomic bomb on the beast.

I was left to float in the air, but I wasn't confused. No sir. I knew exactly why Chewbacca did what he did, and he deserved a medal for his heroic actions.

Then I woke up and thought three little letters. Not words, just letters:

W.T.F!?

Okay, I'm glad I have some semblance of humanity with me still. No animal would actually think such freakish dreams were nonsense.

Then again, it did in some strange way make more sense than they usually do...

"Morning, sunshine!" Morning shouted cheerfully, waking me up faster than I could on my own.

"Owww... Not so loud... I just got up!" I moaned.

"Actually, the dictionary would disagree with you on that statement. What you did was wake up. You did not in fact leave your bed." She smiled.

"Yeah... I don't think I could anyway."

"Let me help!" Morning chirped, whipping the blanket off and levitating me onto the floor. After that, she dissolved the bedspread until I couldn't see anything of it.

I gaped.

"That thing was just light TOO?"

"Hey. I'm not the foremost expert in light magic for nothing. Anyway, we're going to Sugar-Cube corner for breakfast. I feel too happy to waste it on cooking."

Running a hoof through my mane, I stood up on my hind legs and promptly fell over. A habit hard broken, I see.

"That sounds nice, but currently, I keep forgetting I'm not a biped anymore."

"Oh... We promised to have a little talk, didn't we? But, I think maybe Twilight needs to get involved in this now. How about after breakfast?"

"Yeah. Sure. Sounds nice." If it weren't for the fact that I still want to escape the problem I'm in, not confront it.

The two of us were halfway to the main road when Morning remembered she needed to lock up. I gaped again as she turned the door into just another part of the wall.

"*Snigger!* That's just too cool, isn't it?"

"You could say that."

We started trotting down the road as the marketplace was just starting to set up their stalls once more. Our goal, Sugar-Cube Corner.

"So you said you were a biped. How are you coordinating your hooves?"

"Oh, this? I just-" Trip! SPLAT. "-Don't think about it."

The mint green Pegasus helped me up.

"What about flying? Have you tried that?"

"Nope. My wings remain... Immobile." I said, with a flourish of my left wing.

"You're gesticulating with them." Morning pointed out, pushing the feathery appendage out of her face.

"Oh."

We passed carrot top's stall, and Morning paused to say hi.

"So, one last thing before we head into the shop: You don't have the hots for me, do you? It's never happened before, but I just want to-"

I blushed with extreme intensity. "I want to say no..."

"Ooooh! Careful! You wouldn't want any other green suitors fighting over me!" She laughed loudly, only increasing my blush until it could go no further. The pun was made worse because "green" had two meanings.

WHAP. I hit my face on Sugar-Cube Corner's door.

"Oo! Are you okay, Scribbles?"

I put a hoof up to my nose, although that didn't really help. "Just my pride is hurt. That's all."

"Well, it's a good thing that life keeps pride in check, huh?" Morning commented, opening the door for me.

"Wow... Right again."

We walked into the little shop, relatively empty of customers at this time in the morning, and picked a seat close by the window.

Pinkie walked in from the kitchen to the counter with another fresh baked good, then, realizing two new customers had arrived, half floated and half trotted to our table.

"Hey guys! Mr. and Mrs. Cake are not feeling too well right now, but I'll do my best to take your order!"

"Hi Pinkie. Just the usual for me today."

"One daisy garnished banana split! And what about... You...?"

"Oh! Uh, same as her..." I answered, but then hesitated. "Something wrong?"

"Just a little worried. That's all. Your orders will be ready shortly."

"Thank you, Pinkie." Morning said encouragingly. As the earth pony left for the kitchen, I noticed Morning's look of deep concern following her.

"Something the matter?" I asked her.

"Not really, I just have a soft spot for Pinkie. Me and everypony else. And it's always bad to not see her happy."

"You're telling me... And I can't even do anything about it!"

"Well, nopony can right now... Hey, do you think we should take her along to meet up with Twilight?"

"Uh... Sure. I guess... Whatever you want..."

FREAKIN' DELICIOUS I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING SO GOOD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I'D EXPECT NO LESS FROM THIS PLACE OM NOM NOM NOM

Having just put in a new record for "pegasi eating sundaes very fast", I licked my lips, realized I had used both hooves and my mouth to devour the confectionery, rather than just my mouth as is acceptable in pony society, noticed the small crowd and Morning's awestruck/amused expression, and then the resulting massive brain-freeze.

"Ow. Never again. Not that fast, I mean. That fast can only hurt. A lot." I collapsed onto the table. Morning placed a napkin on my head, giggled a little and then ignored me in favor of focusing her attention on her serving.

The crowd was still there, but I was dead from the affects of a headache, so I didn't care. "Do it again!" some young colt begged.

"Noooo..." Was my simple reply.

"But that was totally cool! I wanna do that!" another exclaimed.

"nooooooo..." It was almost a moan.

"But, there's a contest-thing in a few days! You could enter and win!" The first one jumped back in.

That took the cake. Those who knew me back at home would know just how frightening I could be when I actually had taken objection to something.

"NO. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH MONEY THIS MARE HAS ALREADY SPENT ON ME? I COULDN'T FORCE HER TO BUY ME ANOTHER JUST SO YOU COULD HAVE A SHOW. NOW GO AWAY."

"Hey! Easy now, they're just kids, and that ice cream only cost two bits! ...And use that napkin, you look twice as scary covered in ice cream... I don't know how you do it, but..." Morning sat me back down from my standing position and forced the napkin to my face, as Snips and Snails ran in fear.

In a massive emotional whiplash, my face fell back to the counter as I began to berate myself.

"Urrgh... Stupid dirty rotten scumbag... Why would you blow up like that... They're just kids, you id-"

"If you really feel that way, then fix the problem. Don't just tell everyone about it."

"But that's all I do! I don't ever fix anything, I just sit there and be the rotten butthole that I am!"

"Oh sweet Celestia, you're going to go there? Well here's a shot in the dark: 'This has been a rather pervasive problem your whole life, and you can't grow up despite how much you try', right?"

"Yeah, and my dad's always yelling at me for-"

"THEN SHUT UP AND FIX IT! Nopony wants to hear about how horrible a pony you are! They'll only be annoyed by your stupid cryfoal shouting and moping when YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! YOU WILL BE THE EXACT same scumbag you claim yourself to be if you don't put some effort into becoming somepony better!

I like you, Scribblescratch, but I can't let you curse the darkness anymore. Light a candle for Luna's sake. For my sake, alright?"

Flabbergasted. Awestruck. Shook to the core. Blown away. You name it, I was probably experiencing it. In fact, the sheer force and strength of the words this stranger had said to me had much more affect than all the years my father had spent telling me the same thing. Somehow, the message finally stuck, kicking me into a change I had never expected in the most painful way possible.

My fragile, transformation-shocked psyche caused tears to fall down in little waterfalls as I stared at Morning, breathing heavily and looking incredibly annoyed.

"I'm sorry, I-

I-I just-

I c- Uh,

I'm sorry! I don't know why it happens! I don't know where I got it from but I'll change! I'll change right now!"

A huge crowd had formed in the bakery now, and all ponies present were very tense, but they all wanted to see the conclusion.

"I... I hate myself, then I love myself... It's a stupid cycle that I can't get out of, and it keeps happening... I'll try..."

"You... You're crying? I... I didn't mean... You're not a scumbag. I say stupid things too..." Morning tried to console me, but I wouldn't have it.

I needed this cry, and I wasn't going to let her take it away.

"No. You're a wonderful P-p-pony. I told myself I was perfect this whole time. You... You c-changed me! J-just now! D-d-don't take back ANY of those words! They're all true! All... True... All of them..."

"I've... Never seen a grown stallion sob in public. It's... Weird, but kinda refreshing in a way." Twilight Sparkle stoked the Golden Oaks fireplace to fight the night's chill as I laid next to Morning Glitter, my head resting on her gently rising and falling chest.

A lot had happened between my epiphany and now. Morning chose to hug me, squeezing out the full blown sobbing that desperately wanted an excuse to come out.

She brought me back home soon after, and it was almost the opposite circumstances of the first time it happened.

As soon as I had recovered from my wake-up call, Morning admitted that I had triggered a very strong pet peeve, and we went to Golden Oaks to... Essentially tell Twilight everything I knew about myself so she could cross reference my information with the Library's obvious lack of information about humans.

Long story short, we realized just how much respect we had for each other, and, well... Kinda became a thing. Thus why I was cuddled up to Morning, rather than maintaining the polite distance one stranger would keep with another.

It seems unusually quick for falling in love, but if you design a character to be one that you'd want to love, you're going to love them, even if they are a real person (or pony in this case) and not a piece of digital art you made a while back.

Also, she was sharing my hoodie with me (and it was her Idea), so I didn't have much choice in the matter... I thought that our current position would make a great piece of fan art, until noticing Morning still smelled like mint put that insignificant thought aside.

How does she do it? Do all ponies have a distinct smell like this? Minty. I like this smell. Oh, Twilight is going to say something...

"If what I heard is correct, Miss Glitter said you were kind of a roller-coaster of emotions right up until then. Most stallions I've met are either too tough or too stubborn to cry that openly, though."

"Yeah, well, you know how it is, sometimes you need to cry and make a big scene of yourself doing it before you can move on..." I laughed nervously. "The local stallions are probably having a riot over this..."

"Well, you have my support. I have considered what you've gone through coming here, and I'm pretty certain that I would fare no better." Twilight assured.

"That's good to know."

"Of course! I mean, how could I not support two star-crossed lovers such as you?"

"..."

"*Ahem*... Mr... Scribblescratch, was it?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, good. Got your name. Hopefully I'll remember it... Anyway, Pinkie and I had scoured the library as much as we could yesterday for information about your... Unusual situation, but all we found was more of the same. 'Lost souls have never been able to leave', 'sometimes don't even look like they did when at their homes', you get the incredibly depressing picture."

I nodded, not noticing I was now holding Morning like she was my lifeline.

"I was just about to give up when Pinkie found a very dusty tome in the basement... Exactly where I put the others, but I hadn't noticed this one cataloged in the library inventory. I didn't give it a lot of thought. It might just be some kind of red herring in our case, but-"

I wasn't sure how I managed it, but I was untangled from Morning and my hoodie and had the tome in my hooves before I knew what I was trying to do.

"Wait- Sorry, can I have a look at this?"

"Uh, sure?"

Cracking open the book caused a lot of pages to fall out, each containing lots of archaic symbols and nonsense script. Twilight winced, presumably to see a book so worn out.

I paid her no mind as she picked up the pages and tried to decipher their meaning. Carefully flipping through the pages seemed to be going nowhere until I found an enclosed note and locket.

Who would leave this here? I thought, removing the simple circular shaped locket. It looked to be made of brass or something, as I do not claim to be an expert on alloys. A simple six-pointed star was carved on the front, with nothing on the back. Looking inside, six words radiated from the center of a flat metal surface, each written in intricate cursive:

"Humility", "Patience", "Empathy", "Dedication", "Joy", and "Love".

It seemed impossible, knowing that the Elements of Harmony were Equestria's super weapon, but these words seemed stronger somehow. I stared at the locket's words, and something clicked.

Humility was necessary for honesty. Patience was needed for kindness, and Empathy for generosity. No one could be loyal without the ability to dedicate themselves to something, and being able to laugh all the time required something stronger than happiness, namely, joy.

Finally, Love served as the center point for this group of six, but it fit more here than even magic fit it's group... Almost as though it is the center point of twelve traits from both groups.

I put on the locket to look at the note in the book.

Strength of one can match that of twelve. In the locket's secret, you now must delve.

Seek out those found for two times three, they will point where the lost shall be.

The lost and found make two times six, with this done, their powers mix.

Six times two or three times four, such a group is lost from lore.

Because not one could harness twelve, until this secret you now delve.

You are on Equestrian soil to seek the end of Equestrian toil.

Welp, I fainted.

Can you blame me? I just heard I was the critical part of a prophecy and I knew it was true.

Wait.

YES YOU CAN.

Can what?

Author's Note

Boy! Relationships develop fast when you're dating the person you designed!

Also,

THE STAKES ARE GETTING HIGHER HOW DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN I WRITE STUFF?!

Don't Worry, It's Gumdrops And Icecream Here

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" I screamed.

"Please! C-calm down! You're fine!" Fluttershy attempted to console me.

"Y-YEAH. I'M PERFECTLY FINE!"

"Okay, maybe not. Now breathe."

"I'M FINE!"

"Breathe!"

With her fore-hooves, she forced my head to look at her while emphasizing the fact that I needed to respire. While I had no idea how she got so good at confronting someone as panicked as I, I took her advice and breathed hugely several times.

"Alright, I'm not fine." Two more gulps of air.

"No, you're fine now."

"No I'm not." One big inhale.

"Yes you are."

"...Wow. I feel better."

She placed me back on the bed I fell off of a minute before. "Good," she said with a squee-smile, "I'm horribly sorry for scaring you off my bed."

"...Yeah. I counted. 40x sorry. And that, my dear, makes you one sorry pony." I said, rubbing my eyes in the sunlight.

"What?"

"Just from my head. I swear... I have no glasses."

This required explanation. I perked my head up and looked at Fluttershy. "Why don't I have glasses?"

"I don't know. Do you need them?"

"Apparently not. 20-20 vision is not something I inherited from my mother."

"Oh. I'm sorry..."

"Nah. Don't be. Couldn't have asked for better parents. Anyway..." I started to go into something else, but then my face just overrode it with a pitiable look of confusion.

"Oh! Mr. Alligator carried you out of the Everfree... Along with a very, very full suitcase. Could that be yours?"

"Suitcase?" My eyebrows (or lack thereof) skewed as I got up and attempted to make my way out of the bedroom. It was a somewhat unsteady trot, but I made it to the point where I was looking down the staircase.

"Oh, mister! Don't go down there yet! The animals aren't ready to meet you!"

"Don't worry about me! I'm able to talk with gators!" I said with too much confidence and a grin, and quickly trotted down the stairs.

Fluttershy let out another squeak as Angel kicked my cute lil' pony tooshy six ways from Sunday, right after I said "hi" to him in a friendly manner. All that happened before I could reach the front door to check the suitcase and take my leave (saying a sincere thanks to the element of kindness, of course).

"...I tried to warn you..." She explained, removing her rabbit from my conquered head and placing him on her's. "...Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'll take the mozzarella cheese sticks too, thanks."

"Oh, I don't know what you're talking about, but there's a restaurant two blocks down from the park..."

A cowbell sound rang as I shook the blunt-force-induced derp from my head. "What? No. I'm fine. Can I go get the suitcase?"

"Yeah, I'm okay with that, but... I think you'd like to know... Everypony can talk to animals, I've just got a talent for..."

"I know that, but it's still awesome! Goodbye, Fluttershy! Thanks for letting me crash for the night!" I trotted out with a spring and a wobble in my step.

I think I heard something like "Wait! How did you know my name?", but I'm no expert. I was already trotting away and into Ponyville itself.

Mental note, of course: As an introvert, I need to make sure Pinkie does not hold a major social gathering in celebration of my arrival.

I always feel awkward at parties.

It was a humble brown, plastic-y suitcase that bulged out a bit in the middle. A single white tag laid by the handle, which read:

Property of ~~Harold~~ Scribblescratch

Below it was a note taped on the side.

I don't think you would want to leave the house without the bedding from your bed, so I took my old suitcase and filled it up with your stuff.

...Sure it's old, but I never did use it too much. Being an Alligator, I don't often travel far, and never did before except for higher education... Thus why I can write to you now.

You were very nice and considerate to me, little pony! Please feel free to stop by my creek whenever you like. I always enjoy company, warm-blooded or otherwise.

Regards,

Harold

"...I'll consider it, Harold, but I'm not particularly eager to go back into the Everfree. ...Nasty place full of creepy-crawlies and horrible animals that love to frolic and play in there."

I placed the suitcase firmly on my back and walked slowly to Ponyville, more out of leisure than of uncertainty about my balance.

The long trot gave me plenty to think about, but my mind was most focused on two things: How to get home, and how to get a job in the meantime of figuring that out.

I had read enough fan-fiction to tell that the general consensus among bronies was that the Alicorn patriarchs were the best bet for getting a big amount of magic, which could potentially create a dimensional portal to get me back home, with enough magic to transform me back afterwards.

I briefly thought about how I was glad to not have a long-term relationship to have ruined by time missing, like in Castaway.

But I digress, I thought. I decided I might need a plan B, in case this was not true. Logically, I'd have to go to Twilight so she could figure out some sort of magic that could do what I wished, as in get me home as a human, and could be cast by multiple unicorns of any skill level. This in turn would allow the princesses to combine their huge amounts of magic, plus whatever unicorns are needed to create what I needed.

But what if that doesn't work?

Plan C: Live in Equestria.

That both sent a pang of sorrow for not being able to see family, and a strange wonder at the prospect.

Where would I live?

What would I do as my living?

Who would I find to love?

How many kids would we have?

Please, no more than 3.

I looked up to suddenly find myself in Ponyville. Right on the edge. My obliviousness was thankfully low at the moment.

I stared in awe at the bustling little town. Mares setting up stalls and shopping, Stalions building, fixing, and working on things, fillies and colts playing in the streets, and WOAH THERE PINKIE!

Pinkie had me lifted off the ground in a strong and tight hug without my consent or objection, making it a perfectly delivered display of affection.

(I could tell she had lots of practice with hugs, because despite the sudden and extreme manner of the embrace, it was not constricting in the slightest.)

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name?" She said in a subdued manner after putting me down.

"Scribblescratch. ...Don't you usually ask for a name, then hug?"

"I felt like mixing it up for today!" Pinkie said with a flourishing bounce.

"Okay then. Can I ask you something el-"

"About the party? I'm not making one for you, because something tells me you're the kind of pony who wouldn't like that sorta thing as much as other ponies... Kinda like Fluttershy! 'Cept not as much!"

"'Introversion' is the word you're looking for."

"Intransform? What's that?"

"Intro- Never mind. So, what will you do instead?"

"Close your eyes!"

I did.

"Hold out your hooves!"

I did that too. Something fresh-baked and sweet smelling landed in them.

"Open 'em!" She said with a giggle.

When I did that, there in my hooves was the most delicious looking loaf of cinnamon bread I had ever seen. It's smooth crust shined and sparkled as though it was glazed, and the smell seemed to head directly into my nose, overwhelming me in all the good ways.

"That's on Sugarcube Corner, friend!" She said with an infectious smile and tone of voice.

Like everyone else who first met Pinkie, I couldn't help but smile too. "Wow... That was really generous of you. Thanks!"

Another giggle. "Aww, I just like helping friends, that's all-"

At that moment, right in the middle of the square, Pinkie Pie's hair fell straight, for the first time in public viewing. I was confused as to what provoked it, but even though I had little emotional attachment to the pink earth pony before, I desperately wanted to know.

"...I read something while hanging out at Twilight's library the other day... You're a lost soul, aren't you?"

I awkwardly sat on a nearby bench, cradling the fresh baked loaf. "...Care to elaborate?"

"Lost souls arrived in Equestria, in the very beds they slept in. Hardly a bit to their name, not sure where they went, and knowing little or even nothing about the world they came to... So the ancient Equestrian myth goes." Twilight had trotted up to Pinkie, being the most concerned member of the crowd to ever see the earth pony's mane deflate.

"...That happened to me. What else?!"

"There are many variations to the myth, Including that the power of their dreams sends them over, but one thing stays consistent: Equestria never knows enough about the soul's species to return them to normal form, nor about the origin of the soul to send them home."

Even a war-hardened guy would have shed tears at this point: My hope was crushed brutally under the fact that Equestrian myth was usually plausible... At least, in my mind. ...But that wasn't what I was so worried about.

In response, the bookish unicorn fidgeted in place as she tried to calm me. "No no no no no no no! I didn't mean anything! It's just a myth! I'm so sorry, please don't cry!"

Not working Twi. Your face is contorted with worry.

I squeezed the bread harder, looking at my back hooves as I did so. "Don't you think Pinkie's got a bit of a point?"

They exchanged a look. Twilight trusted Pinkie's intuition ever since she helped her escape from a hydra. There was no reason she'd be wrong at this moment either.

Twilight gave her friend a hug and trotted off, stopping a ways back to give me a parting glance of concern. With that, Pinkie turned back towards me and looked me in the eyes.

Pinkie never struck me as a pony with a lot of depth to her, but one glance into those eyes, wells of empathy and sorrow at the moment, showed me that she was not certain she could make me smile again.

"Did you try the bread yet?"

I took a nibble off the corner, not really hungry after hearing the shocking news. "It's good."

She graced me with a light smile. "Thank you."

I gave her a forlorn nod.

"...Ponyville is a very nice place. I'm sure if you ask somepony, they'll let you stay for the night. My hosts, Mr. and Mrs. Cake will be fine with it."

"...Thanks for the offer. I'll let you know, I guess..."

Pinkie looked in the direction where Twilight went, gave me a parting hug, and trotted away after her.

...Tears freely flowed down my face as I ate the cinnamon loaf as fast as I could. I didn't know it would become comfort food so fast.

Author's Note

Hmm... I guess this "Me" is no longer me anymore, huh?
I suppose this story is now making a statement:

For those of you who say: "I wanna live in Equestria with my pony homies! Screw Earth!"
Would you want to leave everything you knew? Your family, friends, familiar lifestyle?
As far as destinations for home go, Equestria is not the best, anyway. Things go to crap about once a week, and it takes everypony's efforts to fix it up again, only to have something different and potentially worse happen next time.

Great spot to visit, sure.
Perhaps a good spot to have a vacation, with all major weather literally being planned in advance.
But home? You'd need testicles of forged metal and a good insurance plan to call this place home!

...And I know, I promise more funny... But would this story go anywhere without drama? Maybe, maybe not.
-Electroshock