Mother F**king King Tiger!

by Pixel brony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1689

Discord gives Pixel a King Tiger.

What happens when you give a drunkard a King Tiger?

Explosions, mainly.

(I am using the character versions of the princesses and Discord form this story: Equestria's Crazies.. this is just an idea I had. don't take it seriously.

Published 2013-02-17 05:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-17 05:40:01 UTC

1× 8.8 cm KwK 43 L/71

A small distance from Ponyville, a mile into the Everfree forest, is a square, 2 floor mansion. All around the mansion is a tall iron fence, topped with cobble and torches.The main gates are nothing more than two iron doors. Leading from the main gate to the front door is a gravel path. Halfway is a tall fountain, that in this world, looks impossible. Striding past said fountain, was a very familiar draconicus.

Discord was having a great day. He pranked Luna, Celestia, and Nightmare Moon all in one go. the best part, he got away before they could hurt him. Not that it would do much, mind you, but it still hurt. The main thing on the draconicus mind was to find a diversion. After about an hour thinking, he remembered a certain grey pegasus. With a wide smile, a skip in his step, and a plan in mind, he knocked on the door.

"Whoever the fuck you are, I don't care. If its Twilight, you have three seconds to run" Sounded a voice almost immediately.

"Well, if your gonna be like that, I gue-"

Before Discord could even finish his sentence, the door exploded outwards, and a livid looking pegasus tackled him. The pair went flying, and crashed into the fountain. The pair disappeared into the water. After a few minutes the pegasus emerged from the water, a sword in his right fore-hoof. Soon after, the blood turned red. The pegasus turned towards the fountain, and sat on his haunches.

A few minutes passed, then a lions paw shot out of the water. The paw grabbed the side of the fountain and pulled. Discord's head popped out of the water with a loud gasp. He pulled himself out of the fountain, and collapsed on the ground in front of the pegasus. Discord looked up at the pegasus. Still livid.

"So... to what do I owe this displeasure?" Asked the pegasus.

"I have an offer..." Gasped Discord.

"Which is?"

"I want you to distract the others while I set up pranks around the castle." Discord said while standing up.

"What do I get out of it?"

"Diamonds?"

"Got plenty of those."

"Mares?"

"Don't want 'em."

"Stallions?"

The pegasus gave him a death glare.

"Um... What do you want for doing this?"

The pegasus looked away as he thought. He tapped his chin. He 'hmm'ed. Then, ever so slowly, a smile creeped over his face. He looked at discord, who looked uncertain at the closely psychotic grin.

"I know exactly what I want."

Ponyville was enjoying a nice sunny summer day. Ponies filled the streets, buying and selling goods, talking with friends, or just out for a walk. The birds were chirping, kids were playing, and everyone was happy. Then, a faint roar filled the air. The birds fled, ponies stopped and listened to the sound, even the kids, as the roar grew louder. For a few minutes, the town was quiet. Then a giant metal monstrosity crested a hill just outside of town.

The ponies lost their shit.

They ran, screamed, a few pissed themselves, all trying to get away. The metal monster entered the town, crushing an apple stand. A particular orange pony took offense. With a yell, she ran towards the monster. When she was a few feet away, she pivoted, and apple bucked it.

A resounding 'CLANGSNAP' sounded out. Applejack fell to the ground clutching her left back hoof, it was bent in the bad way. The monster kept moving along the street, till it came into sight of the library. It came to a full stop, and began to turn, tearing up the ground beneath it. When it was facing the library, it stopped turning. With a lurch, it started forward again.

When it reached the library, it came to a full stop again, the long nose part pointing right at the door of he library. A hatch on the top opened up, and the grey pegasus flew out. He did a loopty loop, and landed in front of the door. He knocked and waited. After a few seconds, the door opened. Spike was smiling as he opened the door, then he saw who was at the door, and his face filled with horror. The small dragon slammed the door shut.

"TWILIGHT! PIXELS HERE!"

A small pop was heard, then the door was yanked open. A very, very, livid Twilight Sparkle was standing there.

"What do you want?"

"I need you to come outside." He responded calmly.

"What? Why?" Anger turned into confusion.

"'Cause I don't want to blow up your house with you in it." The pegasus said, then flew over to the top of the monster and got in.

Twilight 'eep'ed as she laid eyes on the metal monster.

"W-what is that!?"

"A Tiger II tank," Said the monster in a very loud voice. "Or more commonly known as, the King Tiger."

Twilight's eyes dilated as the barrel of the tank lowered and pointed right at her. Twilight's horn lit as she ran out of the tree house, a floating Spike following after. Once the unicorn and dragon were clear, the tank fired its main gun. The back of the tree house exploded outwards. The tanks engine roared and it lurched forward. The tank crushed its way through the front of the tree house. Halfway through, the roof caved in, and fell on top of the Tiger. The tank then emerged out the other side of the house, covered in splintered wood. The turret of the tank swung back and fourth, throwing the debris off.

All the while, Twilight stood by, slack jawed in shock. Spike, meanwhile, was furiously writing a letter.

In Canterlot, Celestia, Luna, and Nightmare Moon were in what they called 'The War Room'. Actually, it was just a conference room where they planned what to do to discord when he got all three of them. The three of them were staring at a map on the table, covered in red X's. Suddenly, a scroll popped into existence in front of Celestia. With a practiced swish of her magic, she had the scroll opened and was already reading it. As she read, her eyes opened wider and wider. When she was done reading, she let the scroll fall the table, obscuring the map. As Celestia stared wide eyed at the far wall, Luna and Nightmare scrunched together, and read the scroll. Both of their faces held confused expressions as they read.

"What is... a 'King Tiger'?" Luna asked without looking away from the scroll.

"Tartarus in a giant metal box." Gulped Celestia.

After destroying the library, Pixel drove the tank over to Fluttershy's cabin. When the tank was about fifty meters away,

it came to lurching stop. The engine gurgled, then died. The hatch on top opened, and Pixel exited the Tiger. He flew over and landed a few feet from the door. He was now wearing a pair of saddle bags, bulging with the contents. Pixel calmly walked to the door, and knocked.

"W-who is it?"

"Its me, Pixel, I have the potions you wanted."

The door then swung open, an excited Fluttershy standing in the opening.

"Oh! How wonderful! I-I hope it wasn't too much trouble, was it?"

"Nah," Laughed Pixel, as he handed Fluttershy the saddle bags. "No Trouble at all. I was asked to ask you, if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight?"

"Sure, that would be... nice."

"Alright. See you later."

"Bye."

Pixel then waved and flew back to the Tiger.

"There it is."

"Its massive!"

"How is it moving at that speed!?"

The three princesses hovered a few hundred meters in the air above the Tiger.

"So, how are we going to stop it?" Asked Luna.

"I don't know. Last time I came across one, the crew surrendered after decimating an entire city." Answered Celestia in a grim voice.

"Why did they surrender?"

"They ran out of ammo."

"Oh..."

"Hey guys..." Said Nightmare

"Yes?"

"Why is the barrel pointing at us?"

Celestia looked back at the Tiger with horror, as the main gun fired. Two seconds later, Luna disappeared in a mess of gore. Celestia immediately dove down, a confused, and slightly terrified, Nightmare followed. Celestia hit the ground hard, too hard. So hard, all her legs broke. Nightmare fared better.

"Okay, when my legs finish healing, we are going to run back to the castle, and hide in my room."

"Um... why not destroy it? I mean, its just made of metal, isn't it?"

"Those things can withstand a direct hit from the sun! All it did was char the outside last time!"

"Oh... yeah, I like your idea."

As the pair waited fro Celestia's legs to heal, a roar was heard. Celestia tensed up, Nightmare swiveled her head, looking for the source. Two hundred meters away, the Tiger crested a hill yet again. Its main cannon firing, hitting the ground behind the pair. Nightmare looked at the tank, looked at Celestia, back at the tank... and without a word, flew off fast. Celestia watched as Nightmare flew away, then looked back at the tank. Which was now only a few meters away. The tank lurched to a stop, its main cannon pointing at Celestia.

Suddenly, Chrysalis landed on top of the tank. Celestia was about to yell out a warning, when Chrysalis simply tapped a hoof the tank. The part she tapped on, suddenly opened. A grey head with blue hair poked out. He swiveled his head, till he saw Chrysalis.

"Dinner time?" He asked.

"Dinner time." She answered.

"Cool, wanna ride back?"

"Sure."

The head then disappeared back in the tank, while Chrysalis laid down on top. The tank turned around and drove away. As Celestia watched the tank drive away, she felt her legs finish healing. when she stood up, the tank was already gone. She stood for a bit, just staring at where the tank had gone. Then a newly regenerated Luna landed next to her. The two just stared into the distance.

"Pretend nothing happened?"

"Pretend nothing happened."