If You Squint a Little It Might Look Like Apples
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You Can't Always Get What You Want
If You Squint a Little It Might Look Like Apples
Big Macintosh stood tall, and reflected on the past triumphs and glories of the Apple clan. Its members had helped defeat Nightmare Moon, Discord, Tirek, Tiamat, Dagon and countless other deadly foes. Its members had created peace between nations, climbed great mountains, plumbed the depths of the oceans and reached unreachable stars – usually deliberately, but not in the case of old uncle Appleade, whose fizzy lifting drinks had contained rather too much “lift”. Under normal circumstances, it would be his sister Applejack who undertook mighty quests, but today it fell to him to do the impossible: comfort a distraught little girl.
“It just ain't fair!” Wailed Apple Bloom, the distraught little girl in question. “Gettin' my Cutie Mark was meant to be the specialest day of my life and now it's ruined!” The aforementioned mark, unlike those of the rest of her family, did not contain an apple. Instead, her flank was adorned with an image of a trio of interlocking grey cog wheels. In Mac's opinion, it was a very tasteful design. Judging by the fountains of tears, however, Apple Bloom was not particularly fond of it.
Big Mac decided that he should start at the beginning. “Now, Apple Bloom, how about you tell me how-” - he nearly said 'how this happened', but held his tongue at the last second. The poor girl was already in tears, and anything that sounded even remotely like an accusation was likely to send her running into the night. Mac wished his little sister were here, and not learning about the value of recycling or something. “-how you got yer mark in the first place?”, he finished.
“Well”, she began, holding back sobs as best she could, “We was crusadin' up by the big ol' hydro-electric dam-” She took great care to pronounce the whole of the name, which was admirable indeed considering that she wasn't sure if she could spell it.
“And why were y'all there?”
“To, uh, learn about physics?” Based on the look she gave Big Mac, an unfamiliar observer would have surmised that butter wouldn't have melted in her mouth. Big Mac was very far from an unfamiliar observer.
“Apple Bloom, you may have had a rotten day, but if you lie to me I will send you to bed with no dinner.” He didn't relish the thought by any means, but if Big Macintosh was anything he was a stallion of principles.
“...We was bungee jumping off it.”
“And did you have adult supervision? Competent adult supervision, I mean – Pinkie 'r Dash don't count.”
“...no.”
Macintosh sighed. “Little girl, what have I told you about bein' careful?”
“I'm sorry. I was wrong, an' I ain't got no excuse.”
Big Mac's glare softened, and he sighed a long suffering sigh. The poor girl had evidently been through enough for one day. “I'm sorry for being angry at you, but when you do things like that you just plain terrify me. I ain't never wanna lose another of this family again. Now, what happened up at the dam?”
“Well, when we got up there we found out it weren't really workin' right. They told us to stay off the left-hoof side of the top of the dam, on account of it weren't safe. So, when we got up to the roof, we made sure to stay on the right-hoof side of it.”
“I'm pretty sure there's a “but then...” somewhere in this story.”
“Well, it turned out that what looks like the left-hoof side when you're facing the dam, and what looks like the left-hoof side when you're on the dam looking out are two different things.”
Macintosh stared.
Apple Bloom hurried to continue before her older brother blew some kind of fuse. “But the good news is that I had my bungee cord clipped on before the roof collapsed, so I was basically fine! And the bit of floor underneath Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo didn't even break properly, it just kind of cracked! Anyway, while I was down inside the dam, I noticed what the problem was – no, it was more like the problem leapt out at me. I could see that one of the turbines was clogged, and as soon as I noticed it I had to fix it. The idea of how to came into my head, and I knew I HAD to do it.”
Macintosh nodded sagely. “The same thing happened to me when I got my cutie mark. Cheerilee says it happened to her, too.”
“And why have you been talking to miss Cheerilee?”
“...that's not important. What's important is why you're so upset.”
“Every single Apple pony I ever saw has an apple cutie mark! It's what makes us apples, and mine's wrong! It's like I ain't one of the Apple family no more!” The waterworks, so recently turned off, were in danger of flooding once more. Mac had to act, and fast.
“Now that is just plum nonsense.” Big Mac's voice, already powerful even when he spoke softly, seemed to have some new force or conviction behind it. “Am I your big brother?”
Apple Bloom looked up at him sheepishly. “Yeah, you are.”
“Darn right. Is Applejack your sister?”
“Sure.”
“And can you name me a list of cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces and every other kind of relation longer than my leg?”
She was back on her hooves by this point, beaming with renewed vigour. “Y-Yeah!”
“Exactly. So, how come you're raisin' all this fuss about not being an Apple?”
“On account of I'm gonna have to go off and be industrious and stuff, and ain't no Apple ever done that!”
Macintosh took a moment to collect his thoughts. He nodded thoughtfully and said, “That's right, no Apple has ever been involved in industry. Know what? I got me a University education, and I'm the first Apple in 3 generations to be able to say that – and the last one had a degree in the arts, so that don't really count anyway. Cousin Braeburn married a stallion, and I'm not sure any Apple stallion's ever been able to say that. Just 'cause yer the first of us to do somethin' don't mean you're not one of us. We would never turn you away.”
Apple Bloom nodded, and thought on what Mac had said. After a moment, she decided that he was right, and if she was going to be a new kind of Apple pony, then she'd be the best dang new kind of Apple pony she could be. She looked up at her older brother and said, “I think that there might be the most you've ever said to me all at once.”
There was really only one possible response to that: “Eyup.”
Granny Smith chose this moment to look up from her knitting and join the conversation. “I still don't really understand why one stallion would want to marry another stallion, anyway. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm pleased as punch for 'em - but as far as I'm concerned, marriage is mostly about havin' foals.” She grinned wolfishly “And doin' plenty of what has to happen so you can get with foals.”
Big Mac made a disgusted face, and Apple Bloom found she had to agree with the sentiment. Nopony liked hearing grownups talking about mushy stuff – apparently, not even other grownups. Well, sort of grownup. Apple Bloom wasn't really sure where Mac fit into the spectrum.
Mac turned to Granny Smith and said “Well, on the topic of foals, I hear tell they're fixin' to adopt.”
“That so? Well, that's alright then.” Granny Smith returned to her knitting, content in the knowledge that all was right with the world. And Macintosh supposed it probably was.