The Fall

Canterlot was burning.

Columns of thick, black smoke darkened the sky and obscured the sun. Against the murky backdrop, it was difficult – but not impossible – to make out the shapes flying above the city, some high while others dangerously low. Twilight couldn’t help but look up fearfully every time movement above caught her eye, wary of an attack from above.

Everything was chaos as the group of guardsponies escorted the covered wagon through the eerily deserted back streets. Shining Armor had insisted on hiding both her and her mentor during their flight from Canterlot, and Twilight had agreed with his decision. Less palatable to her was the thought of splitting them up; fortunately, she had managed to convince her brother otherwise.

Twilight hadn’t seen him since they left the castle; he had elected to lead one of the decoys in an attempt to draw the griffons’ attention. The fear for him was just one of the few jostling for room within her mind.

The cart rumbled past another shattered house, the guardsponies pulling it cursing as they dragged it through the field of the building’s debris that littered the street, and Twilight gazed at the shell that remained. The fires ignited by the artillery shelling had nearly burned themselves out, leaving little more than a blackened wooden frame. Idly, the unicorn wondered if anypony had been inside the house when it had been hit. She wondered if they’d survived.

Canterlot had been under siege for only a few days before the griffons began their push into the city. Their armies had rushed north at a blistering pace, taking the capital almost entirely by surprise. Few ponies had had time to flee the city, and the one who should’ve left the most had elected to stay behind. Celestia told her advisors, and Twilight’s brother, that she could not run away from the city while so many of her subjects remained behind. Argument after argument had failed to sway her, and then the griffons had been upon them.

Presumably, their eagerness to take the city resulted from desperation to capture their prize. The war would rapidly be over should Celestia be captured or killed. Shining Armor had known this and forbidden the princess from participating in the fighting – a bold move, even for the head of the Royal Guard. Fortunately Celestia had acquiesced and thus far remained safe. At least, until the griffons unleashed their full-out assault on the city and Shining had bluntly told the alicorn that he and his men could not protect her if she stayed. That had led to their current flight, a desperate dash from the city hopefully made without attracting the griffons’ attention. Once safely out of the city, they could make their way someplace safe – though Twilight doubted anywhere really was safe anymore.

She hadn’t the faintest idea how much longer that flight would take, however. The empty streets were unfamiliar and blurred together, and she had no idea how long they’d been traveling, save that it was too long. Another fear grew within her chest; shouldn’t they have made it out of the city by now?

Twilight turned from gazing out of the back flap of the covered wagon to meet the gaze of Princess Celestia. The alicorn was lying serenely on the floor of the cart, seemingly unaffected by the distant gunfire and explosions. Their eyes met, and Celestia smiled reassuringly at her. The unicorn felt herself relax. She didn’t know how the princess managed to stay so calm, but her confidence helped comfort Twilight greatly. She opened her mouth to ask for further reassurance – something about how much further they had to go – when a thought came to her.

Something was wrong. Twilight felt a brief flash of precognition – something bad was about to happen. Where in Equestria did that come from?, she asked herself. The unicorn turned back to check outside the flap when shouts arose from the guards outside.

A gun went off and Twilight hit the floor. The air was suddenly filled with shouts and screams of pain. A commanding voice cut through the sudden din and hail of bullets, and the wagon leapt forward. Twilight peeked out the back and saw most of the Royal Guards firing furiously at a flock of griffons descending upon them from above. Several of the attackers broke off and swept after the cart.

Twilight turned to look back at Celestia and then there was a cry from one of the ponies pulling the wagon. In the next moment the cart was swerving violently. Twilight slammed painfully into the side and then the wagon flipped, skidding several feet before stopping completely.

The unicorn could barely move for the pain all over her body. Outside the surviving guardsponies were shouting again, but Twilight couldn’t make them out over the roaring in her ears. The unicorn looked desperately at Celestia, but she wasn’t moving.

The guardsponies couldn’t hold off the griffons for long, she knew. Part of her desperately scrambled for something she could do to help them, maybe a spell, but she found herself paralyzed.

A heavy form thudded onto the wall of the cart above her, and she whimpered with fear. Twilight could only watch as a set of claws pricked the thick fabric above her, preparing to slash it open. She screamed as the griffon tore the tarp in one violent motion –

Twilight jerked awake suddenly, panting. She looked wildly around her small, spare room for a moment, disoriented and panicked. As she remembered where she was, she slowly sank back onto her pillow. It was just a dream, she reminded herself firmly in an attempt to calm herself down. One that really shouldn’t scare you anymore, given how many times you’ve had it.

She shook her head to clear away the lingering wisps of the nightmare and collapsed back onto her pillow. Almost every night it was the same – a vivid dream of their flight from Canterlot ending with the cart’s crash after one of the ponies pulling it was shot. Only thanks to Celestia’s intervention had she or any of the surviving Royal Guards made it out of the city alive that day. But the moment had stayed with her; the terror she had felt as she lay there helplessly haunted her dreams. It was pointless, she told herself as she stared at the ceiling. All these memories did was keep her awake. But still, when she closed her eyes they threatened again.

Twilight sighed and rolled over. Her horn glowed briefly, illuminating a small clock on her bedside table that read two in the morning. Why did she keep doing this to herself?, she asked rhetorically. What was the point?

She knew, of course, that it was hardly intentional. And that she couldn’t think of a single way to keep those memories from coming back, save time. But the part of her that craved sleep was infuriated by her nightmares. Once again she swore to herself that she would figure out a way to deal with them come morning, some kind of spell perhaps. She was well aware, however, that it was doubtful she would accomplish anything of the sort.

It had been difficult to do anything at all in the days since that frantic flight from the city. Her exhaustion was only part of the problem; the aching sense of loss she felt robbed her of what little energy she had left. As she trod that familiar path within her mind a wave of grief loomed inside her. She told herself that she wasn’t going to recall the pain yet again, that she had to sleep, but it proved to be a futile struggle.

Her brother, Shining, gone. That was the most painful thought. Him and his idiotic devotion to duty, his stupid decision to lead a decoy right into enemy lines; and now he was dead, cut down by a squad of griffon soldiers. Other ponies praised his heroics, lauded his actions as the only reason Princess Celestia had managed to escape; all Twilight felt was the agony of losing her brother and only friend.

Quit mourning and get some rest, the unicorn told herself. But still her mind plunged on. Her parents were gone too, missing during the siege. Shining Armor had sent a guard to ensure they made it out of the city, all that he could spare, but he had never returned. Her parents hadn’t turned up in any of the refugee camps, either. Twilight didn’t know if they’d been killed during the bombardment or by the griffons when they overran the city; the attackers weren’t taking prisoners in their war of cleansing. For days she’d held out hope that her parents had made it out but couldn’t contact her, long after everypony else agreed that there were no more survivors to be found.

Twilight’s tears had flown for days over her brother’s loss; by the time she had finally given up hope on her parents there were none left. Instead she wandered the fortress’s halls in a stupor, unsure of what to do with herself. The castle here in Stalliongrad was the polar opposite of the one in Canterlot; that one bright and beautiful, this one dark and ugly. It was squat, solid, built for one thing and one thing only – defense. Twilight found no solace within its dark hallways and dusty storerooms; even its scant library did nothing to help her. It wasn’t for lack of trying – she spent many hours there, curled up with a copy of a familiar book on magical theory, or even a collection of poetry that she never would’ve touched before, only to stare blankly at a page without seeing any of the words.

Were it not for Princess Celestia, Twilight knew, she would’ve given up entirely. The princess was the only family, of sorts, that Twilight had left; really, the only anything she had left. It was Celestia who had consoled her over the death of her family, who had opened her door to Twilight whenever the unicorn needed her. Of course, Twilight didn’t take her up on her offer; she couldn’t. Celestia had a war to run, and Twilight couldn’t bear the thought of selfishly taking her away from such grave matters. The princess’s example was enough.

As cities fell, towns were butchered, and Prance’s ambassador rejected her desperate plea for aid yet again, Celestia remained strong. Twilight felt her own pain at the loss of her family, and realized the unfathomable depths of sorrow the princess must feel at the deaths of tens of thousands of her beloved subjects. Equestria was fighting a war for its survival while everypony else sat by and watched, and losing badly, but still Celestia refused to give in to despair. Her strength was inspirational to every pony around her; and if she could stay strong in the face of such adversity, Twilight told herself, so can I.

Of course, strength helped her little in falling back asleep. Once again she had started to think the same thoughts she had a dozen times before, a cycle she had repeated many times over the past week. It was easy to take comfort in the familiar, perhaps, but constantly recalling what she’d lost and how she’d withstood it so far accomplished nothing. Enough was enough, Twilight thought. Time to try a new tactic besides repeating facts to distract herself from what she felt.

Desperately, Twilight looked inward, seeking the source of the emotions that kept her mind in such turmoil. If she could identify the roots of her problems and convince herself that they weren’t problems, however temporarily, perhaps she could find peace long enough to get a few hours’ sleep. But rather than the grief she’d expected, Twilight found an overbearing guilt weighing heavily on her mind. The unicorn asked herself what reason she had to feel guilty and the answer hit her like a bolt of lightning.

She had done nothing. Griffons had invaded Equestria, looting, burning, and killing, and all she’d done was run away. Shining Armor had given his life to stop the invaders. Celestia worked tirelessly around the clock to manage the war effort. Ponies from across the country were fighting for their homes, their family, their very survival, aiding in whatever way they could. And yet here she sat, moping around the castle, grieving what she’d lost.

How many ponies had lost just as much but kept fighting anyway? Or had done something, at least? How could she justify her inaction when so many others had managed to forge ahead through similar excuses? Twilight thought back to the guards who had given their lives so she could escape Canterlot, including her brother. How was she repaying their sacrifices – by wallowing in misery and self-pity?

The sudden accusations flowed forth like water from a burst dam; the self-loathing was overwhelming. Twilight felt horribly guilty about her childish behavior over the past weeks. She could not justify her inaction; even as part of her mind protested that she was still mourning the terrible loss she’d experienced the rest of her denied such an excuse. She admired Celestia’s example so much, and what had the princess done but forge ahead through much greater sorrow? She was a hypocrite, a coward, a weakling who had sat idly by while marauding monsters destroyed everything she loved, all of it made even worse because she’d remained oblivious to her faults for so long.

The weight of this revelation bore down upon her harshly. But a sudden idea cut through it all, a beam of hope for her pitiful self that she reached for like a drowning pony. A realization of how to make amends for her failures, one so incredibly simple that she almost laughed out loud with relief.

If she had been weak so far, then it was time to be strong. Time to take heart and overcome her cowardice. She would make up for her inaction with action. It was an obvious decision, one that she should’ve made weeks ago. Twilight thought of her brother, of his service and his commitment. She owed him a debt far beyond what she could repay, but she would do her best. He had given his life to save hers; the unicorn swore to repay the debt in kind.

This new purpose suddenly calmed her. Before she had felt nothing but uncertainty and doubt; now she knew what was wrong and how to fix it. She finally had the answer. And with her guilt thusly identified and assuaged, Twilight Sparkle rolled over and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.