“Another perfect seminar,” Iron Will sat on a chair and kicked his feet up on the desk in his temporary office in the Hooveston Astrodome.
“Bah!”
“Yeah, I know, we don’t have much time to relax. We have to be in Tailadega tomorrow, and Canterlanta on Friday. Did you mail out the flyers for the Ponyville seminar next month like I asked?”
“Bah!”
“Excellent. You included Fillydelphia, Baltimare, Manehattan, and Canterlot on the mailing list, right?”
“Bah.”
“I knew I could count on you. Start tearing down as soon as the crowd leaves.”
Outside the arena, a massive orange stallion was arguing with a white mare.
“You’re blocking my path. And Iron Will said ‘If somepony tries to block, show them that you rock.’”
“Yeah, well, if y’all think you can rock me, sugar, go ahead and try it,” replied Tex.
“Yee-haaaaaw!” replied Truly as she swung around and bucked him in the head.
The orange earth pony shook his head to clear it and then lunged at his attacker. Security quickly broke up the fight before it could continue, and suggested they both vacate the premises before the police were called in.
*****
Thistle Whistle glanced around nervously. The blue pegasus was on solid ground, but that didn’t mean she was safe. She peered around the corner and once she was satisfied the coast was clear she made a break for it. She dashed from building to building, making her way towards the train station.
A few minutes later she arrived and purchased her ticket. She quickly boarded the train and took her seat, finally daring relax. She was safe. For now. Hopefully she would find some solutions in Ponyville. The train pulled out of Fillydelphia and Thistle Whistle watched as her hometown grew smaller and smaller in the distance until it finally disappeared entirely.
Once she grew tired of watching the passing scenery, she pulled a brochure out of her saddlebag. She had read it more than one hundred times since it had arrived in her mailbox nearly two weeks earlier, but that didn’t stop her from reading it yet again.
Thistle Whistle,
Are you prepared to be the pony you always wanted to be? Well why not? Do you lack confidence, motivation, or courage? Iron Will can help! With Iron Will’s self-help seminar you too can become an unstoppable force to be reckoned with!
They’re talking ‘bout you behind your back, you know what they say?
TODAY!
In your house, that’s where you’ll stay…
TODAY!
Because you’re scared to find your way…
TODAY!
But you’ll prove ‘em wrong, okay?
TODAY!
‘Cause you’re coming to see what I have to say…
TODAY!
Well, in two weeks anyway.
See YOU at the Hedgeman Center in Ponyville on Saturday the 14th at 2:00PM.
Sincerely,
Iron Will
At the very least, this would be amusing if nothing else. She closed her eyes and smiled.
*****
“Oh dear,” Rarity’s hoof clutched at her chest in one of the white unicorn’s trademark overdramatic poses.
“What’s wrong, Rarity?” Fluttershy looked up from the sudoku puzzle she was working on.
“That dreadful ruffian Iron Will is holding another seminar in Ponyville.”
“He’s not dreadful. He’s really a nice minotaur.”
“Darling, you say that about everyone.”
“But I was the one who was acting awfully, not him.”
“All because you took that monster’s advice. I have a half a mind to go down to the Hedgeman Center today and give him a piece of my mind. In addition to everything he did to you, he threw me into the bushes by my horn! Right after I had just styled my precious mane, and he ruined it! Oh, and he also tossed Pinkie Pie into the mud and then one of his goats started eating her tail. But most importantly, my mane was ruined!”
“How horrible. I’m sorry he put you through all that. But I’d really prefer not to see Iron Will again, so how about we go to the spa instead. My treat!”
“Deal!”
*****
The train slowed to a stop and Thistle Whistle waited for the rest of the passengers to disembark. Her routine safety check usually drew spectators and the fewer sets of eyes on her the better. She took a good look outside, and the coast appeared clear. She took a few hesitant steps off the train and stopped to scan the sky. Once she was positive it was safe she took to the air.
Flying was a rare event for this pegasus. But she could hardly contain herself on this day as the weather was perfect – not a cloud in the sky. Besides, she figured it would be easier to spot the Hedgeman Center from the air than from on the ground. Once airborne she took full advantage of the beautiful day by doing some pleasure flying. It had been months since she had last flown and it felt good to stretch her wings.
As the seminar’s start time drew near she landed and took a spot near the back of the crowd. She planned to talk to Iron Will one on one after the show.
Not long after Thistle Whistle landed Iron Will took to the stage and performed his usual spiel, “Rocky” and Mr. T impressions included, while music heavily reminiscent of Survivor’s “Eye Of The Tiger” blared from the speakers surrounding the audience.
“I need a volunteer!” Iron Will thundered from on stage.
Dozens of hooves shot up while Thistle Whistle did her best to hide behind a muscular white pegasus with tiny wings.
“You!” the minotaur pointed right at Thistle Whistle.
“Me?”
“Iron Will wants you on stage right now!”
“Oh, you don’t want me. I’m not all that interesting…” Thistle Whistle whistled at the end of the sentence, as she was prone to do when nervous or excited.
“Now!”
“Coming.” She made her way to the stage and Iron Will pulled up a seat for her to sit on.
“Tell everypony your name!”
“Hi, I’m Thistle Whistle,” she gave a little wave to the audience, along with another whistle.
“I love your name! That’s my favorite thing about working here in Equestria, all of you ponies have got the best names! Minotaurs get dull names like Steel Force, Brick Wall, and Immobile Object. But pony names are bright and cheery. And they rhyme! I love to rhyme! So Thistle Whistle, tell us why you’re here today.”
“I have a rather embarrassing fear I’m hoping you can help me overcome.”
“That’s what I’m here for! Tell me more.”
“Well, I have this intense phobia that’s socially crippling. It caused me to move to Fillydelphia because it’s among the lowest points in all of Equestria. You see, I’m absolutely terrified of clouds.”
“But you’re a pegasus.”
“That’s what makes it so troublesome. Pegasi are supposed to rule the skies and control the weather, but if I see a single cloud in the sky I won’t even go outside.”
There was an awkward pause of pure silence while the audience digested that shocking confession, before they all burst into laughter.
“You hear that Thistle Whistle? They’re laughing at you! Are you gonna take that from them?”
“Um? Yes.”
Iron Will shook his head.
“No?”
Iron Will nodded his head in approval.
“So yes I’m going to take it?”
Iron Will once more started shaking his head.
“No, I’m not going to take it?”
“You’re not gonna take it! No! You ain’t gonna take it! You’re not gonna take it, anymore!”
Thistle Whistle blinked and cringed. Iron Will’s singing was more than slightly off key.
“When somepony laughs at you, you wrath at them!” Iron Will glared at the audience. “C’mon, Thistle Whistle. They’ve just laughed at you. You’ve got to come up here to the podium and wrath at them.”
Thistle Whistle nervously took to the podium and was surprised to see notes there. She quickly read what was on the paper, “Release the rabid chipmunks!” She reread it just to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. No, that’s what the paper said, and it was obvious that the ponies in the audience were panicking.
“Oh, that’s a good one,” Iron Will chuckled. “Don’t you folks worry, there are no rabid chipmunks. But Thistle Whistle and Iron Will are now laughing at your cowardly antics. How does that make all of you feel?”
The audience grumbled as they returned to their places. Some tried to exit but were turned back by Iron Will’s goat assistants.
“Thank you, Thistle Whistle. We’ll talk more after the presentation is over. Now, if I could have another volunteer?”
Once again a number of hooves went up, and once again Iron Will selected a pony trying her hardest not to be noticed. This time it was a light blue earth pony with a multi-colored mane and gumdrop cutie mark that caught the minotaur’s attention.
“You there!”
“Me?”
“Do we have to go through this every single time? Yes, you, the one who doesn’t want to come up here. Get your flank on stage!”
“Okay…” She made her way to the stage and Iron Will pulled up a seat for her.
“Tell everypony your name!”
The pony mumbled something incoherently.
“A little louder please, the cheap seats couldn’t hear you. The front row couldn’t hear you, and Iron Will who’s standing three inches away from you couldn’t hear you either.”
“I’m sorry. My name is, um, Sweet Stuff.”
“Well, Sweet Stuff, tell Iron Will about your problem.”
“I’m really shy and I have problems interacting with other ponies. They tend to take advantage of me. One time back in grade school the other ponies invited me to play a game with them.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“They needed a goalpost.”
“Ouch! But that’s why you need Iron Will’s help! I’ll take you from doormat to dynamo in a flash! But only if you pay up front, in cash.” He had learned his lesson about extending credit to ponies after the previous year’s fiasco with Fluttershy.
Sweet Stuff pulled her purse from her saddlebag and handed the minotaur a few bits.
“Excellent. Now, the first rule is don’t be shy, look ‘em in the eye!”
The rest of the seminar passed uneventfully. After Iron Will finished helping Sweet Stuff, seven other ponies were in turn pulled up to the stage. As promised once the show was done he took some time with Thistle Whistle to help her overcome her fear.
“Now, before we begin this is a little different than what I normally do. Most ponies who come to me are like Sweet Stuff, and have issues interacting with others. You have a phobia, which normally requires psychological help to resolve. Now, with that disclaimer out of the way, I’m willing to give this a shot as long as you still want me to try.”
“Yes, please. I’ve never really liked psychologists. Celestia knows I’ve been forced to see enough of them over the years.”
“And they didn’t help at all? Well then, let’s see what Iron Will can do for you! What happens when you see a cloud?”
“I panic. Every day before I leave the house I open the curtains and check for clouds. If I don’t see any I take a quick walk outside. If it’s cloud free I go about my normal routine. If it’s mostly sunny with just a few clouds around, I will go outside but I will be constantly looking over my shoulder and up in the sky. Watching them and making sure they don’t come for me.”
“Is there any rational reason for this? Some sort of trauma that clouds may have caused you when you were little?”
“None that I know of. That’s why the therapists were always unable to help me. There was no root of the problem. Which is why I decided to take a chance and see if Iron Will would have better luck.”
“To conquer your fear, the skies you must clear.”
“Huh?”
“You’ve got to get up there and buck those pesky clouds right out of the sky. Like you said, that’s what the pegasus ponies do. If you get up there and take out a few clouds personally, you’ll see there’s no reason to be intimidated by them. And the more you obliterate, the easier it’ll get. And before too long you’ll be cured.”
“That sounds rational,” the blue pegasus gulped. “I…just….need….to get…up….into a cloud filled sky. Nope, nothing wrong at all with this plan.”
“JUMP!”
Thistle Whistle obeyed the command without thinking and found herself hovering thirty feet above the minotaur.
“Now, do you see any clouds?”
“Nope. The sky is as clear as a whistle.” She whistled to emphasize this fact.
“Well then come on down. But what are you going to do the next time you see a cloud?”
“Fly away from it as fast as I can.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“I’m going to approach it. And then I’m going to poke it with a stick.”
“And then what?”
“And then I’m going to…”
“Yes?”
“I’m going to obliterate into itty bitty little cloud pieces!”
“Yeah! That’s right! Pulverize it into water vapor!”
Thistle Whistle smiled with more confidence than she actually felt. But if this advice was going to work for her, she’d have to at least try it.
“Now if I could just have you take this brief survey, you can be on your way to an assertive new cloud-free future!”
“Okay.”
“How did you hear about Iron Will’s seminar?”
“Mailer.”
“What made you attend Iron Will’s seminar?”
Thistle Whistle paused at this question, “Honestly?”
“Honesty is the best policy. Especially for feedback on improving Iron Will’s attendance.”
“The Neighl Diamond parody. I love that song,” Thistle Whistle started humming, which turned into singing once she got to the chorus, “…they’re coming to Equestria…”
“TODAY!” Iron Will shouted, nearly knocking the blue mare over with his enthusiastic shout.
Thistle Whistle steadied herself with her wings and felt incredibly grateful to be a pegasus. Had she been an earth pony or unicorn she would have been knocked all the way back to the cheap seats. “Where did you learn to do that?”
“Do what?”
“Speak so loudly.”
“Iron Will had a private seminar with Princess Luna after she returned from her extended vacation in the moon. She was having some troubles readjusting to society but Iron Will was able to help her with that. And in turn, she taught Iron Will the Royal Canterlot Voice. It’s great for projecting in large stadiums and auditoriums like this one.”
“Really handy in your line of work.”
“Exactly. Though sometimes Iron Will gets a little carried away.”
*****
Rainbow Dash was lounging on a cloud flying low over Ponyville. She had gotten up early to clear the sky and now it was naptime.
“Rainbow Dash? Are you up there?” asked Scootaloo.
“Yeah. What is it, squirt?”
“We were wondering if you’d like to play a game with us,” the orange pegasus filly replied.
“Depends. What game?”
“Candy Land.”
“Sure thing, kiddo. I love that game, it reminds me of a rainbow. And the first one to the finish line wins, and that’s dashing.”
“And the finish line is a rainbow too, don’t forget,” Sweetie Belle added.
“All the more reason it’s the Rainbow Dash of board games!” The blue pegasus flew from the cloud and landed next to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. She followed them to their clubhouse in Sweet Apple Acres.
*****
“How are you feeling, Rarity?”
“Much better, Fluttershy. I can’t believe I got myself so worked up over that brute returning to Ponyville. But a few hours at the spa and all my cares have just melted away.”
Fluttershy could believe that Rarity had gotten so worked up, but she chose not to say anything about it. Her friend already knew she was a drama queen and embraced that aspect of her personality, so why criticize it?
The two ponies walked through town, heading for Rarity’s boutique, but they were stopped outside of Sugarcube Corner by Pinkie Pie.
“Hey! I just baked some fresh cookies! Wanna try them?” Pinkie popped an entire hoofful of the cookies into her mouth and quickly swallowed them. “While there are still some left?”
“Sure,” said Rarity. “What flavor are they?”
“Chocolate chip! Your favorite!”
“Darling, how do you remember everypony’s favorites so easily?”
“It’s easy! I always remember the important things about my friends.”
*****
Thistle Whistle stared at the fluffy white cloud. Iron Will was right, it certainly didn’t look intimidating. She touched it with a hoof. It was soft, very soft. As soft as a cloud. “It is a cloud,” she reminded herself, shuddering. Still, she was here for a reason, and she had come too far to turn back now.
Well, maybe not. Who would ever know if she just retreated back to Fillydelphia without busting up a single cloud? It’s not like Iron Will was watching her and waiting. She looked down to the ground just to make sure. There was no sign of the minotaur and she breathed a sigh of relief. She slowly started backing away from the cloud.
“Maybe I’ll do this tomorrow. Or never. Never is good.” She closed her eyes and continued arguing with herself, “Iron Will might not know, but I will. I paid ten bits to get here, twenty bits for the seminar, and it’ll be another ten to get back home. So if I don’t do this, I’ve just wasted forty bits for advice I’ve got no intention of taking.”
She glanced around to make sure nopony was watching her. Once she was sure the coast was clear she turned around and bucked the cloud for all she was worth. Her rear hooves collided with the cloud and she turned around and to her pleasure she discovered the cloud was gone. She smiled at a job well done.
But something wasn’t quite right. Her hooves were tingling, and they felt wet. She looked over her shoulder and much to her dismay the cloud hadn’t been disintegrated at all. Even worse, her rear legs were stuck in the cloud.
“That can’t be right! It was supposed to dissipate upon contact! Get it off! Get it off!!!!!” she screamed, flying away frantically, the cloud following, still stuck to her.
Thistle Whistle performed a dizzying array of loops and dives in an attempt to dislodge the cloud, but her efforts were for naught. Try as hard as she might, the cloud wouldn’t budge. Adding insult to the pegasus’ injured pride, her aerial acrobatics had attracted a large number of watchers on the ground below.
“I must say I’m quite impressed with this mystery pegasus. That many loops in a row should have made her tumble out of the air,” said Rarity.
“I’m getting dizzy just watching her,” added Fluttershy, as she averted her eyes towards the ground.
“But I admit I’d love to know why’s she’s screaming.”
“Oh, well that should be obvious, Rarity. That’s terrified screaming, much like Fluttershy at the sight of a dragon. Or Fluttershy at the thought of social interaction. Or pretty much Fluttershy in general if animals aren’t involved,” replied Pinkie Pie. The yellow pegasus just glared at her. Well, it wasn’t much of a glare, but by Fluttershy’s standards, it was shooting daggers.
*****
Across town at the Hedgeman Center, Iron Will facehoofed, “That’s going to undo an entire seminar’s worth of progress.” He turned to his goat assistants, “Don’t deposit that check. We’ll be giving Miss Whistle a full refund.”
“Baaaaaaah!”
“Does that look like a satisfied customer to you?”
“Baaah.”
“Exactly. And if customers aren’t one hundred percent satisfied, they get a full refund. Funny, that’s only the second time that’s ever happened. And it’s another pegasus in Ponyville. Next year we skip this town and hit Pintosford instead.”
“Baaaaaaaah!”
“What do you mean that town exploded?”
“Bah.”
“Twice? Huh, I didn’t think that was possible. Well then we’ll just go to Bogsruss instead. We’ll just get Pintosford when they rebuild. Again.”
*****
“Hey girls.”
“Oh, hi Rainbow Dash. Aren’t you missing your mid-afternoon nap?”
“Actually, that’s why I’m here, Fluttershy. My nap cloud is missing! I had it right above town hall earlier. I went to play some games with the Crusaders and when I got back it was gone!”
“What game were you playing?” Fluttershy asked.
“Candy Land. It’s the Rainbow Dash of board games, after all!”
“Yes, because it's bright, colorful, and easy to play. But mostly because it’s aimed for ponies ages 3-6.”
“I’m choosing to ignore that, Rarity.”
“Wow! Check out those awesome moves!”
“What awesome moves, squirt? I’m standing still.”
“Not you. Her!” Scootaloo pointed towards Thistle Whistle.
“My napping cloud! Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!” Rainbow Dash leaped into the air in pursuit of the other blue pegasus.
“Get it off, get it offfffffffff!”
“Wait! Stop! I’m trying to help you!”
Thistle Whistle continued her acrobatics trying to loosen the cloud’s grip on her legs, while Rainbow Dash matched her move for move trying to recover her favorite place to sleep.
“Why is that pegasus screaming like that, Rarity?”
“I don’t know, Sweetie Belle.”
“She sounds just like you did when I tracked mud into Carousel Boutique last week.”
“I assure you that I wasn’t that bad.”
“Get it off, get it off, get it offfffffff!”
“Nope, that’s exactly what you said as you levitated a mop over to me.”
Rainbow Dash had finally managed to catch up to Thistle Whistle. She grabbed the cloud in her teeth and slowed to a stop. Thistle Whistle’s momentum propelled her out of the cloud’s grip, but she continued her terrified screaming and random flying completely unaware the cloud was no longer attached to her.
Rainbow Dash pushed the cloud aside and dropped to the ground alongside Fluttershy. “Come on, I need your help stopping that crazy pegasus.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Talk to her. Do what you do best – calm her down.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Keep her from injuring herself or anyone else with her erratic flight pattern.”
The two friends leapt into the air and took off in pursuit of Thistle Whistle. Rainbow Dash caught up to the fleeing mare first and clamped her teeth down on her tail. She then proceeded to slow Thistle Whistle down enough so that Fluttershy could catch up to them.
The yellow mare fell in alongside the unfamiliar pegasus and said, “The cloud is gone. You can stop now.”
“It’s gone? Really gone?” Thistle Whistle turned to look behind her, thrilled to see that the offending cumulonimbus was gone, and surprised to see a rainbow-maned pegasus had a grip on her tail. “Uh, you can let go now?”
Rainbow Dash spit out Thistle’s tail. “I’m Rainbow Dash and this is Fluttershy.”
“Thank you both for saving me from that cloud! I’m Thistle Whistle. Nice to meet you.”
“Why don’t we land so you can explain exactly what happened,” Fluttershy suggested.
“My house is just ahead in Cloudsdale,” Rainbow Dash said.
“I’ve had enough clouds for one day. Can we go back to Ponyville? Please?”
“Uh, sure. My cottage is almost directly under Rainbow Dash’s. We’ll land there instead.”
“You live on the ground too?”
“Yes. I was a weak flyer as a filly and once I discovered all the wonderful animals the ground has to offer I couldn’t resist moving there as soon as I was old enough. So you said you live on the ground?”
“Um, yes,” Thistle Whistle replied as the three of them landed. She decided to change the subject. “Nice house you’ve got here. And look at all the cute animals!”
Fluttershy started naming all of her animal friends for Thistle Whistle, while Rainbow Dash trailed behind them both, bored out of her mind. Finally she couldn’t take it anymore and she pulled Thistle Whistle aside. “Where did you learn all those crazy awesome stunts? You’ve got to teach me!”
“Stunts?”
“Yeah, you were doing some incredible moves trying to lose me!”
“I wasn’t trying to lose you. I was trying to lose the cloud,” Thistle Whistle whistled.
“But those moves?”
“Completely impromptu. I don’t even fly on a regular basis.”
“Why not?”
“I’m terrified of clouds.”
Rainbow Dash fell to the ground laughing.
“I get that a lot,” Thistle Whistle said, rolling her eyes.
“I’m sorry, I really am, but I can’t help laughing at that,” Rainbow Dash said between guffaws. “I’m Ponyville’s weather manager. It’s my job to keep the sky clear of clouds. The cloud you managed to get tangled up in is one I keep around specifically to nap on. I packed it super dense from a lot of other clouds just so it would be extra comfortable.”
“So that’s a super cloud?”
“Yeah, you could say that. If you tried to buck this you’d just get your legs stuck in it…” the light bulb in Dash’s mind came on at this point. “Which is exactly what you tried to do, isn’t it?”
“Well, yes.”
“If you’re terrified of clouds, why would you attack one?” asked Fluttershy.
“Because I just attended a seminar and the instructor urged me to face my fears and kick some clouds.”
“And of course the only cloud in the sky was this one,” Rainbow Dash facehoofed. “That’s just asking for a disaster.”
“Well, it didn’t turn out too badly. There’s a lot less property damage than the last time I touched a cloud.”
“Let me guess. Was this instructor Iron Will by any chance?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yes. You’ve heard of him?”
“He did a seminar here last year and he managed to give me some really lousy advice too. But he’s pretty reasonable. If you tell him you’re dissatisfied he’ll reimburse you. Why don’t we head back to town and see if we can find him.”
As they were walking towards Ponyville they caught sight of the Cutie Mark Crusaders running towards them.
“Where are you three off to in such a hurry?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Applejack’s letting me have a sleepover!” Apple Bloom replied cheerfully.
“But my sister and Pinkie Pie are looking for you. They’re waiting at the boutique,” Sweetie Belle added.
“Gotta run!” said Scootaloo.
The three fillies all screamed in unison, “Cutie Mark Crusaders sleepover at Sweet Apple Acres, yay!” as they ran off.
The three pegasi continued their hike to town but once again found someone blocking their way.
“Thistle Whistle! I’m glad I found you. I saw the whole thing. The satisfaction of Iron Will’s customers is Iron Will’s number one priority, and it’s clear that the Iron Will seminar just didn’t work out for you. So here’s a full refund, and a voucher for a free seminar at some point in the future.”
“Well, that was convenient,” Rainbow Dash deadpanned. “We’re glad we ran into you. There’s something we’d all like to discuss with you. Would you mind coming along with us?”
“Uh, sure,” Iron Will replied, glancing around nervously as he noticed that Fluttershy was the third pony in this trio.
The rest of their walk to Carousel Boutique was uneventful. Rainbow Dash was the only one talking, as the other two pegasi were wary of Iron Will and vice versa.
*****
“Mr. Will, you’re probably wondering why we brought you here today.”
“Well, yes, actually. Iron Will is a little confused.”
“My name is Rarity, and these are my friends Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. And you’ve already met Fluttershy and Thistle Whistle.”
“Yes, the only two dissatisfied customers Iron Will has ever had. Iron Will is curious as to why Fluttershy was unhappy with Iron Will’s seminar. Iron Will has even taken to having everypony fill out a satisfaction survey at the end of each seminar to help improve Iron Will. Iron Will is excellent, but not perfect. There’s always room for improvement.”
“I’m glad you feel that way because that’s why we’ve brought you here. This is an intervention on your behalf,” Rarity continued.
“An intervention? What’s that?”
“It’s where we all sit around and talk about your problems, and how they affect everypony else around you. For example, you make a living off selling ponies your advice.”
“That’s right, I do! Iron Will’s the name, training ponies is my game!” Iron Will flashed a smile and a thumb up to the assembled ponies.
“Fluttershy, darling, why don’t you start things off. Why were you dissatisfied with Iron Will’s seminar?”
“Well, see, I went from being a pushover to being a bully.”
“A bully?”
“Yes, your program worked too well. I had my friends Pinkie Pie and Rarity in tears from a verbal beating, and that’s nothing compared to the actual beating I delivered to a host of other ponies in town.”
“But Iron Will teaches ponies how to be assertive, not be complete jerks.”
“But you see, there’s a fine line between standing up for yourself and encroaching on the rights of others,” Rarity explained. “And you don’t really differentiate between the two.”
“Actually, phrases like ‘never apologize when you can criticize’ actually do encourage being a bully. Even a week later, after I thought I had gotten it all out of my system, I still managed to kick my friend Rainbow Dash in the stomach when she was trying to make me watch a dragon migration with her.”
“That really did hurt, Fluttershy.”
“I’m sorry! I’m really, really sorry. But next time don’t try to force me into doing something I don’t want to do.”
Rarity continued, “And Fluttershy has just demonstrated exactly how an apology can work in conjunction with being assertive, without actually hurting anypony, whether that be their feelings or physically.”
“An assertive apology. I never thought of that.”
“Fluttershy, please be a dear and explain exactly what happened after you attended Iron Will’s seminar last year.”
“Well, first I assaulted my gardener because he over-watered my flowers. Then I bucked two carts full of trash onto a pair of mares that were blocking my path to town. Once I got to town I caused an entire line’s worth of ponies to get behind me all because one of them cut in front of me. And then…” Fluttershy trailed off, blushing.
“And then I totally laughed at Fluttershy’s new assertiveness, but in a good way, and like she dumped a bowl of punch on me!” Pinkie Pie added. “I mean it was good punch, but it wasn’t exactly meant to be taken externally.”
“So I left Sugarcube Corner and hailed a taxi, only for some stallion to hop in and take it himself. So I beat the stuffing out of him and took my taxi ride back home where I discovered my extremely nearsighted mailstallion had delivered the wrong mail to my house again. Instead of being understanding I slapped a stamp on his flank and mailed him to Saddle Arabia. And then Rarity and Pinkie Pie came over to discuss my new unruly behavior just in time to watch me fling a lost tourist into a pile of hay all because I dropped my mail in a muddy puddle while trying to answer his question.”
“So we mentioned this dreadful behavior to her and she proceeded to deliver a verbal tongue-lashing that brought us both to tears after she called our life’s ambitions frivolous.”
Thistle Whistle whistled, "Wow, you have some very forgiving friends if they’re still speaking to you after all that."
Iron Will blinked. “All of that was a result of my seminar?”
“Well, yes and no. Fluttershy obviously had some anger-management issues as a result of bottling up every unhappy thought she had for years. Your seminar was the key to unlocking that rage, and once it was out in the open she turned into a complete monster,” Rarity replied.
“Where was I when all this went down?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Don’t you remember, silly? You were in Las Pegasus for the Wonderbolts Derby World Finals,” said Pinkie Pie. “You totally came back from that all excited and gushing about how it was the best vacation ever!”
“I’m glad all that happened to me was getting my hooves stuck in a cloud. It sounds like this could have been a lot worse.”
“I think we’re getting a little off topic here, girls. Now do you see why Fluttershy was dissatisfied with your assertiveness training?”
“Iron Will definitely sees Rarity’s point. What can Iron Will do differently?”
“Tone things down a notch,” replied the white unicorn.
“You’re actually a really sweet minotaur,” Fluttershy added. “You obviously want to help ponies, and you proved you care about the well-being of those who take your course by coming after Thistle Whistle to offer her a refund before we could go back to the Hedgeman Center and demand one.”
“I would have helped get her unstuck from that cloud if I had wings.”
“Exactly," replied Fluttershy. "Your heart’s in the right place, and that’s why we want to help you help others. Your seminars are an invaluable resource, but not at the expense of turning everypony in Equestria into raging jerks. Don’t encourage physical altercations or being critical of others. Everypony deserves respect, even those who haven’t taken an Iron Will course.”
“That makes sense. Would the five of you be willing to help me revise my material and make it more sensitive?"
“We’d be delighted to!” said Rarity.
“Great! I’m staying in room sixteen at the Ponyville Inn. Meet me there first thing tomorrow morning so I can have everything ready for my afternoon seminar.”
“We’ll be there!” Rarity said, smiling.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at the thought of being up at that hour of the morning, but a look from both Rarity and Fluttershy told her she would be there if the yellow pegasus had to drag her out of bed personally.
*****
Two days later, the five ponies were at the train station, waving Iron Will and his crew off as they made their way to Detrot for another series of seminars. The minotaur was quite thankful for their input, and was confident his new & improved course would be an even bigger success than his original one.
“Aren’t you leaving too?” Fluttershy asked Thistle Whistle.
“Not yet. Rainbow Dash offered to teach me everything she knows about cloud control. She said I should get over my fear after a few days of working with the weather team here in Ponyville.”
“I’ve assigned her to my team for the next week, so not only will she be conquering her fear and building confidence, she’ll be getting paid for it too.”
“That’s a pretty sweet deal! You know what else is sweet? Cupcakes! And we’ve got a whole bunch down at Sugarcube Corner! You all need to stop by and have some!”
As they walked towards the bakery, Thistle Whistle excused herself from the group, promising to catch up. Once she was sure they were far enough ahead she ducked into the Ponyville realtor’s office.
“I’d like to see what properties you have available. I’m thinking of relocating from Fillydelphia.”
The realtor handed her a stack of folders, “Review these and when you narrow your choices down I’ll take you on a tour of each one that tickles your fancy.”
“Thank you,” Thistle Whistle smiled. She deposited the folders into her saddlebag and rushed to catch up to her new friends. Between the friendly ponies and Rainbow Dash’s ability to clear the sky of clouds in ten seconds flat, she had a feeling she had finally found a place to truly call home.
Author's Note
Explosions. That is why you never hit Pintosford. You can visit, you can even pass through, but you should never, ever hit Pintosford.
Rainbow Dash has never actually heard that Rolling Stones song. She’s saying that with a completely straight face, unironically. On the other hoof, Iron Will is quite aware of Twisted Sister. But he has a thing for ‘80s rock.
Thistle Whistle is a G3 pegasus and her fear of clouds is a plot point in “A Very Minty Christmas” & in “Friends Are Never Far Away” she's referenced as being the shyest of the pegasus ponies. She (along with Minty & Wysteria) is voiced by none other than Tabitha St. Germain (aka Rarity, Luna, and multiple other voices on Friendship Is Magic). Considering in G4 the pegasi control the weather, a fear of clouds would be a difficult fear to live with in this generation, hence this fic.
Speaking of G3, Iron Will would love this generation. With names like Thistle Whistle, Toola Roola, Berries ‘n’ Cherries, Boogie Woogie, Bright Night, Daisy Paisley, Hokey Pokey, Hula Lula, Jazz Matazz, Jolly Lolly, Lovey Dovey, Rosey Posey, Sew-and-So, Shell-belle, Silly Lily, & Sno-Glo he'd be overjoyed at all the rhyming. Albeit only the first two had appearances in the MLP specials/series while the others were toy only characters.
Sweet Stuff is a G1 earth pony most famous for an episode of the cartoon entitled “Sweet Stuff And The Treasure Hunt” (which is exactly what it says on the tin). She’s a lot like Fluttershy & Thistle Whistle, which is exactly why Iron Will is picking on her. In the original episode, the unicorns all teleport away from her during hide & seek, the pegasus ponies make her feel useless on the scavenger hunt in question, and the seaponies invite her to play a game and she ends up as the goalpost (but since seaponies are not canon for G4, the event has been altered slightly). After a few sponges to the face she walked away from that one.
Tex & Truly are both G1 ponies. They both have Southern accents, hence their inclusion in this story.
