The Aftermath
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine. They are the respective copyrights of Cartoon Network and Hasbro. Chill.
Very rarely did anyone ever make a request of Marceline, especially Princess Bubblegum. For those who knew the two this was not that surprising; the pair had what was best described as a ‘frosty’ friendship and it was only because of Finn that the two managed to speak to one another on relatively good terms. However, for Princess Bubblegum to request that Marceline come to her palace in the Candy Kingdom ASAP, it would have to be because of something extremely dire. And she was asked to bring her hair styling kit as well. That could only spell severe trouble. It would also mean that something must have befallen her royal stylists. So, with hair kit in hand, Marceline went off to the Candy Kingdom to see what the situation was.
It was not often that Marceline visited the aforementioned area that the Candy People of Ooo lived, but when she did, she took mental notes of the state of the city and the day to day routines of the inhabitants within. She was quite surprised at how the people maintained their home, despite not being particularly bright. But as she arrived, she had to whistle; the city had a doozy of a mess to clean up. To best describe the state of the city right now, try to imagine the happiest, most jolly and cheerful place on Earth. Now, take that image and combine it with the image of the Tasmanian Devil running rampant, hopped up on Red Bull and utterly bent on devouring anything that did and did not move/breathe/exist. The Candy Kingdom looked ten times worse.
The buildings that the Candy People lived in were in a complete state of disarray and disrepair; those buildings that didn’t collapse or were completely razed had huge holes in them, as if they were bitten into by a large beast. The roads themselves, made of peanut brittle of all things, had humongous holes dotting the landscape. And as she scanned the areas while she walked, she could see lying around on the ground…parts. Arms, legs and God Only Knows what else lay strewn on the ground, as if they were freshly spat out of a wood chipper. Some of these limbs looked partially chewed through, as if something had paused to gnaw on them. There were various streaks of multicolored…something…lining the streets and walls. Stopping at one point, Marceline stopped to notice that there was a puddle of some dark red liquid with a brownish hand floating in the middle. Stooping, she dipped a finger in and tasted it. “Hmm, tastes like cherry.” she concluded.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING”
Marceline turned to see who the terrified voice belonged to; it was apparently one of the Candy People, a doughnut to be precise. Well, to be more direct, a frosted sugar doughnut person, but you couldn’t really tell it was a frosted sugar donut person because 75% of the frosting was licked clean off. “Sorry, I was just seeing what this stuff was. I’m kinda attracted to the color red you know.” Marceline explained.
“But that---that used to be my WIFE!!”
“Well, no sense letting her go to waste. What happened here anyway?”
“It was so horrible! It came out of nowhere, eating everything it could grasp! And then it started licking me! I tried to get it off, but it wouldn’t get off! And then Cherry, OH MY STARS, CHERRY!! She was devoured almost in one gulp!” And it was at this moment, at the height of his fear, Mr. Doughnut exploded in a massive, jelly filled display. As everyone knows, Candy People tend to explode at the apex of their heightened torment, which was weird to Marceline; after all doughnuts are pastries, not candy and they should not really have the same afflictions as say a person made out of lollipops. But that was besides the point of the tale. Or is it? I mean, perhaps many of the casualties that Marceline encountered were not from whatever it was that decimated the populace of the Candy Kingdom, but their own unique biological function brought on by excessive emotional trauma. However, I think I will leave the writing of a dissertation on the biological and psychological functions of candy-human hybrids to other more efficient people. Also, I’ll be accused of padding this story out if I don’t get on with it.
The Candy People that now walked the streets looked as if they had been in a war movie directed by Steven Spielberg; most were missing limbs, or in the process of having their removed painfully by a doctor. One person, a bon-bon, walked by, a large bandage covering his eye, and examined a arm then tossed it aside, holding on to the vain hope his missing appendage could be found. Some of them were missing half their bodies. As Marceline looked on to see Ice Cream cones apply tourniquets to a cupcake who was leaking heavily (looked like orange cream filling from her vantage point) one of the servants of Princess Bubblegum approached her. “Excuse me, Marceline I take it?”
“Yeah that’s me. What can I do for you shorty?”
“The princess is right over here. Please bring the hair kit.”
There were many sights that Marceline was used to throughout her travels in the Land of Ooo. What she saw as she ventured into the tent where Princess Bubblegum was located was something she would have a hard time unseeing. The princess was seated in a chair, her arms crossed. A look of absolute anger was across her face. The look was there for a good reason; half of her hair was its usual length. The other half was…short. Real short. Shoulder length to be precise.
“Uh, PB? You look kind of…short handed.” Marceline quipped out. Princes Bubblegum narrowed her eyes. “Yes, amusing I know. Look, I need to have this fixed right now. Can you do it?”
“Looks tough. But I’ve had worse experiences. Believe me, grooming a werewolf is no easy feat,” Marceline said as she set her kit down. “I am curious about what happened to your oh so perfect hair however.”
“It’s not something I want to discuss about now,” Bubblegum growled underneath her teeth, “but rest assured if I ever find the creature that did this to me, I will make it pay. Oh yes, it will pay! I will do things that will make it scream for the quick release of death! I will wear its hide as a pajama top! Its skull will adorn the gates of my palace as a warning to any who—“
“Ok, settle down there, girl,” Marceline said as she sat the angry monarch back down. “I can’t work my magic if the subject is making death threats.” Even Marceline knew that when Princess Bubblegum was angered, she was not exactly the most reasonable of people to deal with.
“Ok, that takes care of that! I think this is a modest improvement.”
Princess Bubblegum looked at the job that Marceline complete. She had to cut her hair short and tie it in twin ponytails, but for the most part it was an even cut. “Yes, I love this look.” Bubblegum smiled. “I wonder why I haven’t tried it before?”
“I don’t think twin ponytails with that length of hair would really look that good,” Marceline observed, “but that’s just me talking. I am curious about what the hell happened here anyway. Last thing I expected to see was a city filled with candy people body parts everywhere.”
“It was a complete and utter disaster, that’s all I can tell you,” Princess Bubblegum sighed. “And hopefully Finn and Jake have completed their task. But before I explain to you what happened I need to check up on Peppermint Butler.”
“Ol’ Minty? What happened to him?”
“I think I should warn you, he’s not exactly in one piece.”
In a clean room within the palace on a bed laid Peppermint Butler. Or rather, what was left of him. A quarter of his body remained for all to see, hooked up to an IV. Only one eye and a mouth were left. “Oh, Princess Bubblegum! I see you switched hairstyles. Quite a good look on you.” Peppermint Butler said, trying to maintain some sort of calm.
“Thanks. I do think next time I should go for a twin bun approach.”
“Wow, this looks bad! How are you even able to talk in this condition?”
“Oh I’ll manage. My body should be able to regenerate itself in a day or 3.”
Princess Bubblegum sighed and said “He was the first to arrive on the scene earlier today. We heard that something was attacking people in the local bakery so I sent him ahead to investigate.”
“I arrived and the place was in shambles,” Butler continued, “and everywhere I looked, the food was either devoured or partially eaten. Whoever was in there had the misfortune of being devoured themselves as far as I could tell. That’s when I felt it…LICKING me.”
“It was licking you?”
“Yes, apparently it had a taste for peppermint. Before I knew it, it took one huge bite and, well, you see the result.”
“Wow.” Marceline whistled, “This thing sounds like a beast.”
“I came in just in time to save Peppermint Butler from being completely eaten, said Bubblegum, “but it started sniffing my hair and then began to chew on it. If it wasn’t for Finn and Jake, I don’t know what I would have done!”
At that moment, Finn and Jake, the usual saviors of the Candy Kingdom, and by extension Ooo itself, entered the room. “Ok, mission accomplished!” Jake crowed, “So if no one minds, I’m gonna check on my gal Ladycorn and see that she’s not completely traumatized by the massacre.”
“Good, you’re back!” Bubblegum smiled. “PLEASE tell me you brought back that horrible creature’s head on a pike, or that it died a slow painful and agonizing death by the blade you have.” The eager grin that adorned her face as she asked Finn was unsettling.
“Yeah, sorry, I couldn’t exactly do that.” Finn said, “since it went back home to wherever it came from. But I don’t think it was confused. She was just so…happy.”
“And hungry. You forgot hungry.” Jake added.
“It ate almost all of the citizens of the Candy Kingdom and the landscape itself, we are BEYOND hungry!” Bubblegum pointed out. “We still haven’t figured out just how many candy people are unaccounted for.”
“I know one thing, you can forget about ever worrying about the Ice Cream Tavern. It got everyone there, even the Ice Cream Bartender.” Finn said.
“Damn. I always did like the cherry shakes he had.” Marceline sighed.
“It’s going to take months to rebuild the damage to the castle alone. The city itself may take longer. We’ll have to do a hasty memorial service with whatever we can recover.” Bubblegum said as she sat down. “And that’s not even factoring in the intense psychological conditioning and cloning that needs to be done. It’s a good thing I had all the citizens donate their DNA after the zombie incident.”
“Plus we don’t know how many were swallowed whole.” Jake said, wincing as he recalled the fate of the Gumdrop Twins.
“Couldn’t anyone catch this creature?”
“No, it was like it knew what we were gonna do, even before we can do it!” Finn told Marceline.
“We tried dropping things on top of it, we tried nets and snares, but at every last second the creature managed to avoid our best efforts. It’s as if it had a 6th sense or something.”
“Marceline, are you familiar with any creature like this?” Finn asked the Vampire Queen. Rubbing her chin, she mused “Well there are a lot of creatures with huge appetites. I need some sort of a description, like any strange marks, unusual appendages or that kind of thing.”
“Well, it was pink. And it had a poofy mane. Oh, and on its right and left flanks, there was a picture of balloons.”
“Hmm…this is a new one to me. I don’t think I ever heard of a creature like this. How fast did it run?”
“I dunno if it ever did run.” Jake said. “It just hopped a lot. And I swear I thought I outran it, but when I turned around, it was behind me smiling.”
“Why were you running from it?” Bubblegum asked.
“I had a bowl of strawberry shortcake in my hands.”
“Why were you holding a plate of strawberry shortcake?”
“I thought about using I as bait in a net, but as soon as I stepped outside the bakery, BAM, there it was bearing down on me, screaming “hands off the dessert pudgy!” and that was just mean, I’m not pudgy…am I?”
“We’ll talk about your weight issues later.” Marceline assured him.
“We managed to chase it away from the Candy Kingdom towards a portal of some kind,” Finn said “and it just jumped in there. I don’t think it will be back though, because I heard a voice say something about ‘never letting her fool with a cross dimensional spell again’. And it looked like there was another being just like her.”
“It sounds like whoever that creature was, she came here by accident.” Bubblegum sighed. “Very well. I guess we have to take solace in the fact that we won’t have to worry about something like THAT ever coming here again.”
“Me too,” Finn said “cause I don’t think anyone her can deal with The Pink Devourer.”
Twilight Sparkle looked down at her friend in annoyance. Pinkie Pie sat on the floor, licking the excess amounts of sugar, gel and Celestia Knows what else from her mouth and hooves with a contented smile. “Pinkie! What have I told you about fooling around with that cross dimensional spell? It’s any pony’s guess where that portal could have led you!”
“But it was fun!” Pinkie beamed, “It was an entire city made of candy!! The streets were made of peanut brittle, the houses were graham crackers, and the water!! Oh, and you should have seen the other houses!” At this point, Apple Jack and Rarity entered the room, both walking into a very odd conversation.
“Ah take it something mighty interesting happened while we were out.” Apple Jack said.
“Yes, Pinkie Pie wandered into another dimension. I don’t know what she did but she was being chased by some odd creatures. Some weird looking orange dog and…what was Finn?”
“A human.”
“Yeah, a human something or other with a funny white hood.”
“A white hood? Sounds so drab.” Rarity sighed. “No not really. Finn gave me one and said I could keep it if I would never, ever come to the Land of Ooo again.” At this point, Pinkie Pie produced a hood, similar to the one Finn wore, to the other ponies, which also had a candy person’s hand still in it, partially eaten and with a small amount of drool on it.
“Uh, Pinkie?” Apple Jack asked, “Did some of the candy you ate walk and talk by any chance?”
“Yeah.”
“So…you ate living candy then?” Apple Jack concluded.
“Well, I couldn’t help it. They were all just so YUMMY. Of course, all that screaming and yelling may have been a bit much, not to mention the ones that screamed when I swallowed them whole.”
“Uh right…” Rarity sweat dropped and said to Twilight Sparkle “So, Pinkie Pie may have just walked into another dimension and devoured a large percentage of the populace. No biggie.”
Apple Jack shook her head and told the others “Ah think it’s just best we don’t talk about this to anyone else. Bad enough that she did what she did, let’s just keep this between us, like the incident with Rainbow Dash and that hedgehog.”
“Agreed,” Twilight Sparkle said. “And let’s not write about this to Princess Celestia.”
(Cut to an Old World Style Den, where Sir Raven sits.)
Sir Raven: And so ends this rather pointless and emotionally draining crossover! The Candy Kingdom lost approximately 236,000 citizens that day and forever cursed the appearance of the Pink Devourer in their land. Marceline would become Princess Bubblegum’s personal hairstylist and do her hair in braids next, which was completely silly. Jake would later finish the strawberry shortcake and fuss about his waist line. Pinkie Pie came down with a mild case of indigestion while Twilight Sparkle mastered a spell that gave her the ability to see Big Macintosh in the shower whenever she wanted, but no one cares to know more about that. And what became of the Ice King you asked? He tried to kidnap Princess Bubblegum in the ensuing chaos of Pinkie Pie’s consumption of the Candy People, but Pinkie Pie kicked him in the throat hard! But do not cry for him!
DO NOT CRY!!!
