Twilight Sparkle DOESN'T Become An Alicorn!
"Spike! We've got a problem..." Twilight yelled to her assistant as Rarity caused a lighting bolt to strike Bon Bon, which also caused Derpy to laugh evilly.
"What is it this time? Seriously, we've gotten into like, 70 problems since we moved to this town!"
"Spike, shut it. This time we got a real problem!"
"Yeah? So Rarity is shocking ponies and had Rainbow Dash's cutie mark. Didn't affect her flank none!" Twilight gave her assistant a smack on the back of the head; a less than amused expression on her face.
"If you're just going to joke, then go back and go to bed! Not like you could help or anything. Seriously, after that mistake with Applejack, I noticed just how clumsy you were. Come to think of it, how have you ever helped?" He shrugged.
"I never have! I'm going back to bed. Let me know when your drama is done with." The tiny dragon walked back to the tree-house, leaving Twilight overlooking the chaos that Rarity was causing. Three houses were on fire and Derpy was flying upside down. Wait, that part is normal.
"Oh, what am I going to do? Come on, Twilight! Think!" She stood on her hind legs and clapped her hooves together as a idea came to her. She quickly ran to the general store and grabbed some paint. Running back to Rarity, she painted three diamonds horribly onto her Flank.
"Twilight, what ever are you doing to my Cutie Mark?!"
"Shut up! I'm fixing your destiny!" The three diamonds finished, she backed away and admired her work. It didn't fix anything, but she distracted Rarity long enough to stop her chaos.
"That's going to take forever to wash out!"
"I DON'T CARE!" Without any warning, Twilight levitated the white unicorn and tossed her aside. One friend down, four to go! She quickly rushed over to Sweet Apple Acres, where a less than happy Pinkie was trying to buck trees. How failing to buck a tree can cause an entire apple orchard to die immediately, nopony knew. But she managed to do it.
"Stop bucking those trees, Pinkie!" Twilight skidded to halt as she neared Pinkie and leaned down next to her with the necessary paint to fix her cutie mark.
"I have to! It's my destiny, apparently..."
"Not anymore it's not!" She leaned away from Pinkie as she finished painting the cutie mark. Honestly, it looked like a horribly painting of three blobs. Twilight never was much of an artist, but it got the job done!
"Uh, I don't think it works like tha-"
"Shut up and go make ponies laugh!" Teleporting the party pony to the center of Ponyville, she made her way to the Carousel Boutique, where Applejack was making terrible monstrosities that should be burned in a bonfire of homeless ponies. Scratch that, they weren't even good enough for that.
"Applejack! Cease the making of those terrible, terrible dresses!"
"Uh, Twilight... That's your reflection." Twilight stopped as she was about to punch a nearby mirror.
"Of course it is... Of course it is." Grabbing her paintbrush, she painted three 'apples' onto Applejack's flank.
"Why did you just paint a murder scene on my flank, Twilight?"
"It's three apples!" Applejack looked back at it once more. Nope, that looked like a murder scene.
"If you say so..."
"Now, go buck some trees!"
"But, I have to finish-"
"Buck." Twilight levitated Applejack by her tail. "The." She aimed her towards the window. "TREES!" Applejack went flying out the window to the Orchard. Unfortunately, she started to attempt to make a dress for a tree out of apple seeds.
"Okay, now there's just Rainbow and Fluttershy..." She dashed off towards Fluttershy's cottage and opened the door to it. All of the animals were currently using Rainbow Dash as a pinata, hitting her with a very large carrot. Where the carrot came from, I blame Discord.
"Twlight- ouch! Help me, pl- OW!" Twilight sighed and tossed all of the animals aside. Pulling Rainbow towards her, she began to paint her cutie mark back onto her. Somehow, she managed to paint it completely perfectly. Seriously, it was so amazing that it overwrote Fluttershy's cutie mark and actually gave Rainbow her spirit back.
"Whoa, what happened?" Rainbow looked up and saw all of the animals around her. "Why am I in Fluttershy's cottage? And why is it storming outside? Today isn't a storm day!"
"It worked? I mean, it worked!"
"I have a feeling that it's a long story, so I'm just going to go fix the weather..." She dashed out the window into the rain. Unfortunately, she forgot it was painted on... Within seconds, the cutie mark was gone and she was back to Flutterdash. Twilight, however, didn't notice this and made her way to the town center to paint three pink butterflies on Fluttershy's flank.
"Uhm... Why did the chicken cross the road?" She was standing on the fountain, attempting to do terrible stand up. Pinkie was on the other side of the fountain looking into the water.
"Why?"
"Because it was looking for chicks?" The only sound that could be heard were crickets and the sounds of hooves hitting foreheads. Seriously, Jersey Shore was better than that joke. Oh wait, no, that joke is still better. But not by much!
"Fluttershy, you are the worst comedian ever." Twilight quickly painted three butterflies onto Fluttershy's flank. Okay, so they looked more like three pink blobs... At least that managed to get the crowd laughing.
"Nice one, Twilight!"
"Shut up back there, Lyra!" Lyra aimed her head down and walked away.
"Oh my, what is that supposed to be?" Fluttershy was struggling to look at her flank, trying to make sense of what Twilight had placed on it.
"It's three butterflies!"
"No... No... That looks like chewed bubblegum." Twilight's eyes filled with tears as her artistic prowess was finally realized.
"Your right... I'm a terrible artist. Oh well, at least I tried. SPIKE!" The dragon appeared from nowhere next to Twilight's side.
"What? Call me to apologize?"
"No, called you to say my plan failed. Looks like our friends are screwed to have their destinies ruined."
"Our friends? Look, I just live with you because you give me stuff... I'm just going to leave now, because Celestia is behind you and she looks pretty mad." Spike darted away from the town as Twilight turned to Celestia, who in fact looked quite angry.
"Twilight, I am disappoint. You had one job, Twilight. How hard is it to make your own magic that even Starswirl the bearded couldn't make? Honestly! All you had to do was make your friends realize how much they cared for each other and have them do what they were actually meant to do. But... Seriously... You painted their cutie marks onto them?!"
"Y-yes." Celestia facehoofed.
"Yeah, you failed the test. Discord!" Suddenly, a flash of light overtook everything. Discord appeared in the town center and with a sigh, put everything back to normal.
"I was in the middle of a bubble bath... A CHOCOLATE BUBBLE BATH! You ruined my night..." He teleported back to Canterlot.
"Not only will you not be fulfilling your destiny and become a princess-"
"I was going to be a princess if I did this?"
"Yes, but not know... Not only will you not become a princess, I'm also going to be taking your magic all together!" A flash of light appeared on Twilight's head. Reaching up, she discovered she no longer had a horn.
"My horn!"
"Applejack, since you had the grapes to send me a letter saying you learned nothing, your my new student." A horn appeared on Applejack's head, along with her having all of Twilight's magic.
"Yeehaw! It's secretly what I always wanted..."
"B-but..." Twilight looked at Celestia, then to Applejack who was transforming everything into anything. Everypony was now crowded around Applejack, congratulating her for her upgrade to unicorn.
"I'm not done yet, my most failure of a student... Applejack will still retain her life, which means she will both be my student and run her farm. But you... You're coming back to Canterlot to serve as Luna's student."
"Do I even get a chance to redeem myself?"
"No, but Luna will show you the ways of the earth pony... In time, you will be allowed to come back. By that time, however, Applejack will be the new Princess." She turned to Applejack and her four friends. "Twilight is coming with me. You can have Derpy. She's the new element of Honesty." The five friends nodded happily, causing Twilight's jaw to fall open.
"That's fine! She won't be able to ever lie, especially since she never even knows what the truth is..." The necklaces appeared onto the four mares, the magic crown thingy on Applejack. Derpy appeared a moment later, the element of Honesty (now a large bubble) on her neck. With her usual Derpy expression, she looked down at her new accessory and smiled.
"Yay! I'm not a background pony anymore!" She started hopping happily up and down. By this time, the other Elements had already forgotten Twilight existed.
"Come on, Twilight... Luna is ready for her bath."
"Wait, WHAT?!"
"Oh, did I say student? I mean personal butler..." Celestia's face twisted into a horrible monstrosity complete with wrinkles and a large smile that invoked anger into Twilight.
"NO!"
"Problem, Twilight?" The two teleported to Canterlot.
And not a single song was sung that day.
Author's Note
I don't even know... Seriously, this story should NEVER have been made. Oh well! Now, I'm going go sit in a corner and think about what I've done.
