I just wanted to be loved
My name is Princess Celestia.
You might think that I am exceptionally lucky. I’m the ruler of Equestria! It is the most prestigious position in the nation! I hold the admiration of ponies everywhere, and they cheer me wherever I go. My every whim is satisfied without me lifting a single hoof. I run an entire kingdom. How could I not be lucky?
But I am not. In fact, I am the complete opposite.
You are not interested in me. You are interested in the magical misadventures of my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. You enjoy watching Rainbow Dash perform her beautiful and magnificent stunts. You’re amazed by the simple act of applebucking. You’re transfixed when shy and quiet Fluttershy stares down a dragon. You’re amused by the strange antics of Pinkie Pie, and you’re annoyed when Rarity throws a fit over a petty issue. You’re not interested in me. You don’t care about me. And neither does anypony else.
When I say you’re not interested in me, I don’t mean that you don’t know me. I’ve appeared in the life of the Elements of Harmony many times before. I am the pony who issues cryptic instructions before a quest, and I am the pony who rewards other ponies when they have done good. When a problem occurs that cannot be solved by one of the six, I am the one who fixes the mess. But when all of that is done, I am no longer required. You turn your head away from me and expect me to disappear. And I do.
And perhaps that is for the best. I was never meant to appear as a main character, I was meant to assist Twilight and her friends in their tasks. Once I had finished what was required of me, why should you keep me? I would serve no purpose. I would merely keep the story still and unmoving. Yes, leaving me be would have been the best option, albeit the lonely one.
But that is not what happened either. Instead of simply existing in my required role, instead of fulfilling my duty, followed by my leave, I have been portrayed as many other things. I have been shown to ravage the homes, towns, and villages of my little ponies, laughing maniacally, without a care in the world. I have murdered my beloved sister, for the purpose of keeping power to myself. I have tortured to death my beloved student because of her impending transformation into an alicorn. I have exterminated entire races out of spite. And that’s merely within Equestria.
Many of the ways that I am portrayed disgusts me thoroughly. I have invaded alien worlds, stripping the residents of their culture, beliefs, and freedoms, all for “their own good”. I have assassinated world leaders, taken over their cities, and incinerated billions of souls. There’s nothing I did to deserve this! Why? Why do you see me in this light? Why can’t you see me for who I truly am?
And of course, it doesn’t merely stop there. I have been made out to be a sexual deviant, a pony with no moral boundaries, imposing her will upon her subjects by force. Always the tail chaser, and with no hesitation committing compromising acts with my own sister, my student, with multiple ponies at once. Is this how I am really perceived? Do my little ponies really avoid me in the streets, hoping to escape from the reaches of “Molestia”? Do they truly believe that I would banish somepony to the moon, or turn them to stone, or incinerate them on the spot, just because they upset or disagreed with me?
Why do ponies see me this way? It’s not who I am. It’s just not fair. Why am I the one stuck with these identities? As the bigot, the racist? The rapist? Why me? Why must it be me?
I just want to be loved. Not as a princess, but as a pony. But how can I compete? There are just so many ponies to choose from. Lyra, the gifted musician, or Bon Bon, the candy maker. Carrot Top, Derpy, Doctor Whooves and even my sister, Luna. I can’t compete with that! I’m just not cute enough! The only special qualities I have brought me the hated titles of “Molestia” and “Tyrantlestia”.
Even my lightest “persona” is something I can hardly bear. I am not a cruel prankster, running around with no regard for other ponies' feelings. I don’t burn down houses for fun, or send ponies “presents” which happen to be explosives, nor do I send ponies to the moon with a giant cannon while smiling with joy. I’m not a cruel pony. I’m not an insensitive one, either. So why do you portray me as such?
I feel so alone. I am so alone. None of my subjects will talk to me. Luna is always taking her duties so seriously, interacting with the population, running the courts. I’m happy for her. She doesn’t need my help anymore. I have no friends, no relatives willing to listen, nopony to confide my hearts troubles in. I weep all through the night, trying to find comfort in the dark, occasionally wishing that sleep would take me permanently, only to wake up the next morning and having to pretend everything is fine. I need a hug, but no one will give me one.
There’s nothing I can do except trudge through my life, never stopping, never ending, holding onto a forlorn hope that someday, maybe, I’ll be rescued. Hope that one day you will turn your attention to me, the real me, here in my castle at Canterlot. I hope that you can save me from my despair, the neverending torture, that stretches on throughout my life.
All of the other ponies are so lucky. The ones you like to watch, the ones you like to write. The ones you enjoy imagining in your mind’s eye. They are lucky. I am not.
I’m no tyrant.
I’m no sexual deviant.
I’m no troll.
I’m just a lonely pony who is overshadowed by the cuter background characters. The pony that is trudging her way through life. The pony who has lost the magic of friendship.
Author's Note
Okay, guys,
So, I was writing a story about a human spaceship crashing in Equestria (woo, so original), and suddenly felt the urge to look up pictures of ponies crying. Just to get a visual image. I ran across the image now serving as cover art, and I have to say, this story is based mainly off that picture.
Probably not the best you've seen, but this was a way of releasing my depression.
Written with minimal editing, so point out any errors please.
Addendum: I need you guys to understand, this does not reflect my true views on how we portray Celestia. I mean, hell, I'm writing a TCB fic in which she is a tyrant. I know there's many a story that portrays her wonderfully. It was simply inspired by the image serving as cover art.
Addendum 2: Some people have begun suggesting a need for a sequel in response to the letters in the comments section. I'll think it over, but as of the present moment, I doubt it will happen.
