Celestia Meets Nicolas Cage... Kind Of

by Ghostwriter95

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex, Random, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 2387

Celestia meets Nicolas Cage. The only problem? He's a pickle. And just the right size for a rather lustful Celestia...

Celestia meets Nicolas Cage. The only problem? He's a pickle. And just the right size for a rather lustful Celestia... How is Nicolas Cage going to get out of this one as he is abused and used as a sex toy?

Celestia x Nicolas Cage fic.

Nicolas Cage is a pickle. Your argument is invalid.

Published 2013-02-18 18:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-18 18:50:01 UTC

Picolas cage meets Celestia

"My little pony, my little pony..." Celestia hummed to herself as she walked through the Ponyville market. Sure, she could buy stuff from the Canterlot market, but where is the fun in that?! First stop... Pickles. Every princess needs Pickles!

"Hello, Dr. Dill. Got any pickles for me today?"

"Of course, Princess! Take your pick!" She nodded happily and looked over the selection as she hummed. One eyebrow raised as she saw one in the middle with a face. The moment it saw her, it looked to her and opened it's mouth.

"Hey, you look like you know magic... Some guy came to my world and turned me into a freaking pickle. Mind helping me out here?" Celestia smiled as she recognized who it was.

"You're Nicolas Cage! I love your movies. I go to your world all the time to see them!"

"That's nice, but can you... Oh, I don't know... Give me by body back? As you'd imagine, it's quite boring being a pickle." Celestia grinned as she realized what she could do. Luna had borrowed her box of toys and it's quite rude to ask for them back... Especially since Luna had a habit of disappearing for an entire day with them. "Don't worry... I'll show you that it isn't all that boring!

"Excuse me, Mr, Dill... I'll take this one. It's the perfect size!" Celestia winked to the poor pickle. Picolas Cage's frown turned to a stare of disapproval.

"Yeah, I really hope your not implying what I think your implying."

"Oh, dear... That one seems to be talking to you."

"Oh, don't worry about that... I'll be muffling him soon enough."

"Please, no." His look of disapproval was now one of growing anger. "Not cool... NOT COOL!"

"That is one unhappy pickle..." Celestia picked up the pickle and placed it into a bag. She couldn't wait to finish her shopping so she could get more acquainted with Nicolas.

"Hey, fucking princess pony! If you didn't notice, I AM A FUCKING PICKLE! Change me back, or I'll... I'll... Well, I can't quite to anything! But I can sing the alphebet! Abcdefghijklmnop..."

"My, my... You are one anxious little pickle. Fine, I suppose I can get groceries later."

"Okay, that is NOT what I meant! Seriously, are you deaf or something? Hold me up to your ear, SO I CAN CRAWL IN AND IMPLANT THIS MESSAGE INTO YOUR BRAIN! I. Do. Not. WANT TO GO WITH YOU!"

"Such language... I suppose I'm going to have to punish you for that." Picolas screamed in utter frustration.

"I hate you so much. I... I want to kill you. I want to kill you, bring you back, and kill you again. Do you understand?" She simply ignored the pickle, who grew ever angrier at the Princess.

"Hey, Princess Celestia!"

"Oh, hello there Twilight. Sorry, I can't talk right now..."

"HELLO THERE! Help me! You, purple unicorn! This crazy princess pony thing is picklenapping me!" Twilight looked at the Pickle, who was now simply staring at Celestia with pursed lips.

"Is... Is that pickle talking?"

"Yes, his name is Picolas Cage. I'm going to be doing some... Tests on him."

"She's going to use me as a sex toy, so PLEASE, smack her upside the head and help me!"

"Eww, Princess!" Celestia rolled her eyes.

"You don't got much room to talk... Yeah, that's right, I know about your obsessions with that wall eyed mare. Heard you're quite the dom, my most faithful student." She leaned in next to the mare's ear. "I prefer some black leather, myself." She smiled and nodded to Twilight, who now had her mouth agape, her face redder than a apple.

"Oh, come on! Of all the worlds to get transportation to... Seriously? SEXUALLY OBSESSED PONIES?!"

"Quiet... Wait, why am I walking?" With a flash of her magic, she teleported the two to her personal chambers.

"Oh, nice... You can teleport. You know what? No, I'm going to tell you what-" He cringed as Celestia rubbed her tongue along the length of the poor pickle.

"Shh... Don't talk."

"Oh, I'm gonna talk! You realize that you are sexually aroused by a PICKLE right? Think about that... Now, think about me PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE! Because that is what I'm going to do when I am back to normal..."

"You just sit there and keep talking dirty... It turns me on."

"Oh, that's nice... You are one DISGUSTING horse, you know that right?"

"Oh, I know." If Picolas could facepalm, he would be doing so right now. Instead, he had to just live with a implied facepalm.

"I'm just going to come out with this... You're molesting a pickle. There, I said it. Probably doesn't matter, but I said it. You. Are. ABOUT TO FUCK A PICKLE!" He remained cool and just stared at the Princess, who was now removing her golden accessories.

"No, it is you who is about to fuck me."

"Oh, nice play of words there, genius. No, seriously. If I had hands, I'd clap for you. I'm being completely honest! Well that, and I'd slap you. NOT on the ass, I know you were thinking it!" Celestia removed her crown, the final accessory and began to stretch.

"Oh, god... How... how are you even able to do that?! Could you at least turn me around? I'd rather look at whatever unmentionables you have than that."

"There's a mirror behind you." She rolled onto her back and stretched her hind legs into the air, getting them ready for holding herself up.

"Of course there is... I'm just going to close my eye an- OH HOLY FUCK! Do you have to show it off? Gaze into the abyss and the abyss gazes back..." She stuck her tongue out playfully as she laid on her back. Levitating Picolas to her marehood, she prepared to penetrate.

"Tia, I brought your stu- WH-WHAT- WHAT THE- WHAT THE FUCK!" Celestia's eyes went wide as Luna stepped in, her left eye twitching at the site before her.

"Oh, look. Another talking pony princess. Hey, toots, wanna help me out here?" Her pupils were smaller than a pea as she looked upon the scene on the floor.

"I... No words can describe... A talking pickle? Really, sis?"

"You could have knocked."

"I shouldn't have to! I'm Ugh..." She levitated a blanket from Celestia's bed and tossed it over her sister. "Just... Take your pleasuring toys back and for your sake, don't use the talking pickle... Did you even think that through?"

"Does the pickle get a say here?"

"Well, he looked the right size..."

"Hello?"

"You know, I'm not going to sleep night due to that. I've walked in here before, but nothing was ever that bad... Not even the time when you were with Discord!"

"I'm just going to sing the lalala song while you two ignore the pickle. LALA FUCKING LA, I DON'T WANT TO BE A PICKLE LALALALA!"

"Look who's talking, Ms. 'I'm just playing games with Derpy'. That's right, I hear the moans..." Luna blushed and tossed the box into the room.

"She snores weird!" The door slammed behind her as she departed to her room. Picolas looked at Celestia, who removed the blanket.

"You know, you left a good sized wet spot on the blanket. Maybe go clean it? Leave me with your sister."

"She's right... Can't use you like a pickle."

"Oh, now you grow a brain! Make me a human, and I'll give you my shoe. Yeah, that sounds like a good deal. Shake on it? Oh wait, I HAVE NO FUCKING HANDS!" Celestia smiled coyly and opened her box of toys. There was everything from a simple small vibrator to a inhumanly large duel sided dildo.

"Let's see... Ah, this looks about the same size!" He started to freak out as a sex toy was placed next to him. Sure enough, it was the same exact size as the already large pickle. "But... Let's go a bit bigger. You're not a small guy anyways I bet."

"You know, you got all those other toys... Why not use them? You'll probably want a bit of privacy first, so make me a human and I'll happily give you some privacy." Ignoring the pickle, she pulled out a rather large toy of about a foot in length.

"Seriously, you don't get out a lot do you. Were you molested as a child?"

"Unfortunately... No." With a smile, her horn lit up. Instantly, Picolas felt himself getting transported to the purple sex toy. Within seconds, the dildo had the face of Nicolas Cage.

"Great, I'm a dildo. This would be HILARIOUS if it wasn't for the fact that you're about to use me. I know you're just going to ignore me, but allow me to plead for you to not do this once more.* He cleared his throat. Or... Well, you know. "DO IT, AND I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND WEAR IT AS A WIG!" He groaned as Celestia laid back on her bed and levitated the toy towards her soaked glory hole.

"Oh crap... Looks like we're doing this. GOING UNDER CAPTAIN!" He held his breath as the vulva was penetrated. Celestia moaned in pleasure as she slowly pushed Picolas into her vagina. She slowly pulled out, the juices forming a string from the tip of Picolas to her vagina, breaking off and landing on the bed.

"How do I feel?"

"I CAN TASTE IT! Please, DO NOT put me back in there! It's like 100 degrees!" Celestia brought Picolas to her mouth and licked some of the juice off. "That can't be healthy!"

"Never hurt me before, Nicolas."

"Oh, please... Don't call me by my name. I'm not here. Well, I am, but I don't want to be. I am so going to kill- oh here we go again." He quickly took a deep breath and held it as he was placed once more into the warm and inviting pussy of Celestia. She sighed and moaned in pleasure, her body writhing as she forced it deeper with her magic. Each inch caused her to have twitchier spasms, one even causing her to scream out in pleasure. Her face was flushed from the pleasure.

As her body adjusted to the object in her marehood, she began to have less convulsions, allowing her to speed the penetration. She pulled Nicolas from between her hind legs and allowed him a moment to breath. With good reason, he looked quite pissed. Celestia, however, just panted as she licked him clean.

"You're so lucky I'm afraid to open my mouth in there... I would so bite the shit out of you."

"Oh, please do! As hard as you can."

"Holy FUCK! What don't you enjoy?" Celestia, still panting, thought for a moment before answering.

"Ponies that don't do exactly as I say. Don't worry, you're a special circumstance." He rolled his eyes as she rolled over and propped herself up on her hind legs, her royal tush in the air. The occasional drip of liquid from her vagina landed onto the bed.

"I'm not sticking around when you do your laundry!" He managed to erupt a evil laugh as she was pushed back into the depths of her pulsating vagina. Her body, now ready to accept full punishment, allowed her to have her magic push the toy in and out at a velocity fast enough to cause her to pant heavily and moan in extreme pleasure. For five minutes she went on like that, until she found the position too boring.

"I nearly DIED in there! I've been in so many caverns... Sure, yours is the largest, but there is no way I'm dying in there!"

"Hey, it's not that big..."

"Please, I could yell RICOLLA! And it would echo for hours."

"Well... Oh well." She gave a half-hearted shrug and took another position.

"I seriously hate you so much!" She took a deep breath and exhaled it, then pushed all of Nicolas into herself, the base the only thing keeping it from going all the way in. Naturally, she let out a window shattering scream of both pain and ecstasy. Even though she couldn't hear it, the slight muffled sound of 'Ricolla' coming from her marehood emanated out into the room. For another three minutes she went on like that, pushing it all the way in and pulling out. By the time she was done, the sheets underneath her vagina were completely soaked in her mare essence.

Nicolas began to notice a extreme amount of contractions in the cavern. She sped up and began to slow down a tiny bit as she lost focus when the time grew near. Filling the explosion about to happen, she pushed in once more with a violent thrust.

I CAME! The yell could be heard pretty much all over Canterlot. With a sigh and quiver, she pulled Nicolas from her pulsating pussy and happily licked the remaining fluids from it.

"Jesus Christ, it was like A FLOOD IN THERE! Did you break the beaver dam? I think you did... Anyways, you got what you wanted and I'm going to have nightmares for probably a year. Can I go now?" Not able to speak properly, she panted and nodded. Barely focusing her magic, he transformed him back into his normal human form, complete with a wacky hairstyle.

"Luna... will... teleport you... to earth." He glared angrily at the princess, her fluids still soaking his entire body.

"If you weren't already about to pass out, I'd strangle the life out of you... But I have a feeling that if I did anything, you'd keep me for another round. So I'm just going to go..." He neared the door and opened it, peeking back in to the exhausted princess once more. "And you might want to help the grey Pegasus out." Celestia's eyes widened as she felt something pop from her still wet vagina.

"Hey, Princess!" She looked down at none other than the wall eyed pegasi, Derpy. "Good day for spelunking, ain't it?" She smiled as the princess allowed her head to fall back, her eyes closing as she passed out.

Author's Note

No pickles were harmed in the making of this story.