Chapter 1
That day.....couldn't have gotten worse. I had started it pretty decently I suppose, but no matter what I did, what I tried.... It wasn't quite there. I ended up running down the street, trying to escape the memories, the pain. My coat drenched by the torrential downpour prevailing among the clouds. I couldn't even remember when the last time it had rained in Cloudsdale, the floating city of the pegasi. They never needed it here, but at a time like this... At a time like this; it was more than fitting for my crying body, half running, half flying down the street. My yellow mane flapping against the wind....
It all started earlier that day, with the typical mail deliveries, the displeased grimaces of my co-workers. But, as always, I didn't let that phase me. I put on a healthy grin, and left with what little pep and happiness allowed me. I finished my runs rather quickly, and went into the small locker room that held the worker's belongings. I grabbed my light saddlebags, and headed out into the mid-afternoon sunshine. Glancing at the busy cloud street, I joined the throng of ponies with a particular place in mind.
I would surprise my colt-friend with a quick visit to his office, brighten up his day a little. He would always come home so worn out... I had to give him a bit of a divergence from the daily routine. So on the way there I had a splendid idea.
Why not give him some muffins? That always makes everypony happier!
So without further ado, I had dropped into the nearest bakery and made a quick order for some of his favorites. The blueberry, with a light glaze of butter. I knew it wasn't healthy, and I even got on to him sometimes for stuffing his face with too many... But today, I thought, why not make it special?
After another flight across the girth of Cloudsdale, albeit a slower flight due to the sensitive nature of my cargo, his office came into sight. He was a lawyer pony; dedicated to finding justice and honesty in the toughest of trials. I went to his receptionist and offered a warm and pleasing smile, hoping to distract her from my off-kilter eyes. She was a nice mare, and returned the gesture. Only slightly grimacing.
"What can I help you with?" She asked.
I returned with a simple, "Is my colt-friend in there? Quill Dot?"
"Oh, yes! Hmmm, but it seems that he is in the middle of a consultation with a client right now...." She offered, then scratched her head. "I don't think he'll mind too much though! So go right ahead!" The friendly mare said. Pointing with a green forehoof down the hallway, clearly aimed at the last door on the left.
I thanked her happily, and looked around the sterile, professional foyer one last time before making the short trip to his office. It held the same sparse furnishing every lawyer's business had I supposed. I raised my hoof to the door, the basket that held the delicious treats firmly placed in my mouth. Just as my hoof came down to knock.... I heard a moan...
"OH, QUILL~!" A mystery voice reverberated past the door.
My heart...skipped a beat. I wasn't naive, nowhere close. I had heard tales of mares losing their stallion because of infidelity, but never did I think that it would happen to me. Quill was perfect... He was my one and only, although at that point I was having my doubts...
So instead of knocking, I tried the door, finding it unlocked. I burst in with my wings outstretched, with some hope in my mind that it was all a misunderstanding. How wrong I was, the scene seeming to meld into one cohesive nightmare. She was posed with her hindhooves spread, laying atop the desk, face up. He was looming above her, his stallionhood planted firmly within her flower.
And for a moment, it seemed as though he didn't notice my intrusion. He was slamming into her harder than I had ever witnessed another pony take. I was partly sure that she had to be in pain, except for the absent look of bliss in her eyes.
And to be honest, I couldn't even tell what she looked like. I was too busy staring at my....my Quill. Not much longer did I have to wait as he stared at me with wide-eyed shock, and her glancing back and forth between me and him, obviously oblivious to the reality of the situation. His brown mane clung to his head with sweat, and his lighter coat was equally dampened, his green irises pinpoints of surprise. I had felt the basket leave my mouth, but it hardly registered. Everything seemed slow, like molasses being poured over the gears of time.
Next I knew, the wind was buffeting my mane, tears in my eyes. But that was not the end of my sorrow. The day had worn on only a little longer, and I was headed to my cloud home. As I arrived, I threw my saddlebags off near the door, heading to the bathroom. Stars were clouding my vision due to the harsh nature of my sorrow. I looked deep into the eyes of a torn pony, holding the yellow hue of the past.
Every single one I cared about... had done me the same. Nopony loved me, they cast me aside to chase brighter stars. Each and every one. I thought he was different, he was so kind, so understanding. He didn't even seem ashamed of my eyes in public. No, maybe he was perfect.
It must be me... I thought, my heart skipping yet another beat. What if it was true? What if it was something I had done?
I had stayed there like that for what seemed hours, alternating between sadness and angry blame. I decided to clean up the snoveling excuse for a mare, pushing her down and taking a shower to regain my old self. The warm water shot from the nozzle, the steamy nature of it dulling my senses. It calmed me down, and soon my sniveling stopped, along with the tears. I filled the entire bathroom with the smell of orchids and flowers with my shampoos. It appeared to have a cumulative effect on my soul, and soon I even felt some semblence of broken peace.
Turning the spray off, I stepped out and dryed myself. Not taking the time to comb my watery mess of mane. I purposefully avoided looking in the mirror, to shy away from what had to be a horrific excuse of a pony. I walked through my house, taking a new look at all of it's 'happy' memories. Pictures of me and Quill, happily posed in mid-kiss, a memory of us in a grassy clearing below Cloudsdale, along with other assorted pleasantries. I reached up to take one off of it's hanging position... But couldn't do it. It hurt too badly.
As I stepped into the kitchen area, I stared through a window overlooking the street outside my home, I saw the happy conversing ponies. Going about their lives, happily ignorant of my plight. I knew I had to do something, anything. If only to get my mind off of it. So I took a few steps outside my home, the beautiful weather lost on me. And in the corner of my eye, helped by it's odd position, spotted an oddity in the mailbox next to my door. It was a single white envelope.
Grabbing it and reading the inscription, I noted that it was from the renters for my house. They had been harassing me about raising the rent, a fight that I had thought I had won, with the help of...of Quill. He had threatened them with lawsuits and promises of court. It seemed now, however, that they wanted a final say.
As my eyes speed across the contents with growing speed and urgency, I began to feel the walls of desperation tighening like a black corset on my mind. I was being evicted..... For accusations of unbefitting use of the property...
Soon after this, I was speeding to the bastards who had sent the eviction notice. Beyond angry, beyond common reason, even. My mind was clouded with thoughts of hateful spite, and countless 'what if' scenarios. I arrived at the large, lavishly founded building. Taking little other than a cursory glance, I hastily pushed past the door, heading to the clerk. Doing my best to maintain my anger.
As I arrived the stallion looked over and asked, "What can I get you, Miss?"
I handed him the notice, and said, "I need to speak with the one who sent this."
He gave it a once-over, and clearly was peering at my eyes out of the corner of his. After he finished reading it however, he seemed to think it over before directing her to an elevator. The mother-bucker was on the fifth floor, two doors down on the right. After punching in the floor number, and stepping back, I heaved a heavy sigh. Now I only felt tired, not angry, nor sad anymore. It felt like I would be better off going back 'home' and taking a nice, long nap.
When I arrived on the fifth floor, I only found a hoofull of rooms, and his was easy to spot, considering it had a golden indicator right across it's face. I knocked once, and at the prompt for who it was, I stepped in with my best 'don't fuck with me' face. Not that I practiced it often. But now seemed more than appropriate.
"What is THIS?!" I said throwing the letter down at the fat stallion's desk.
His place of work was much more personal and decorated, not unlike a second home. He had portraits of himself and what I assumed was his family. A red couch, which matched the rest of the upholstry and drapes. His desk was a nice mahogany, lending an air of wealth to his bald head and bespectacled eyes.
The stallion, who's name was Mr. Banks, as his desk indicator told me, gave it a slow analyzing look. Then he smiled.
"This... Is an eviction notice. Can you not read, dear?" He said, his grin growing as he looked back and forth quickly between my eyes. Mock sympathy laced in his voice.
"Yes. I can read. Now why the BUCK are you evicting me?! I haven't done anything entailed in this... Letter." I spat the last word out like poison, but my expression faltered as I contained my anger. Desperation shining through.
"Oh, I know, dear. But this company reserves the right to evict tenents on any grounds we deem necessary. This is beyond my power to control...." He said, getting up from his comfy seat and taking a few tentative steps towards me.
"But I didn't do anything wrong! Nothing at all...." I said, my voice trailing off as I remembered my thoughts in the bathroom. Maybe it was...something I had done?
"OH, I know! And I want to help you... But.... Shouldn't you help me too?" He said with as much sweetness and smoothness he could imbue his voice with. Hinting at what exactly he wanted.
And I wasn't naive. I knew well what he was suggesting, and the wrongness of it. He was now behind me. Gently massaging my shoulders, trying to make me feel as comfortable as possible. And for a moment, I considered it. Maybe, if I threw away all of my inhibitions... I could feel better... But as he started to move lower and lower down my back, I regained my composure. I threw my wings out, throwing him off balance.
"I DON'T need your help!" I yelled. Dashing out of the office and shooting down the elevator to the sounds of threats and angry cursing thrown my way. Two minutes or so later, I was standing yet again on the outside facing a slightly darkened day.
The weather factory must be having some problems. I thought absently.
I began the solemn flight back to my now forfit home, realizing that I had been running non-stop since I had gotten off of work. I adopted the most average look I possibly could, hoping not to be stopped by anypony flying past. Luckily, I didn't have any friends. So this wasn't a massive concern. And a few minutes afterwords, I was standing outside my door.
This was supposed to be a comforting thought, but instead, I was faced with a light brown colt with a blue quill for a cutie mark. It was Quill Dot, and he had one of the most conflicted expressions that I had had the pleasure of noticing.
He opened and closed his mouth a couple times trying to find the correct words, settling on, "I-I planned....to tell you...it just...never came up..."
I sat back on my haunches, letting him continue his confession, completely disarmed by the brutal honesty in his voice.
"Me and her, we met a couple months back.... And...I can't....stay with you. Our time... It was good, some of the best I've had. But me and her j-just...connect." He said adopting a look that told her everything that his mouth couldn't verbalize. The bead of sweat across his head as he waited for the hoof that would never come. His eyes darting everywhere but at me, and his nervous shuffling.
I calmly focused my eyes on him. Really focused them, as in made them go straight. It hurt to do so. But I acheived what little purpose I had in my now shattered mind. He went slack jawed at this act. And this answered the silent question my thoughts held.
Was it because of my eyes?
Having it so blatantly answered, I walked past him. Up the steps, and into the door. Soon I was laying on my bed, my eyes beginning to water across my cheeks. I couldn't stay here, I had to leave. There was nothing left, I had no mate, no home. And it was because of my thrice damned eyes. The numbness exerted dominance as I gathered some necessities. Food, a blanket, and one of my brushes. Maybe it was because of vanity, but I didn't care at that point.
As I headed out of the door, with tears in my eyes barely contained, he was still there. He was saying something. I can't remember what; it was probably apologies, but it didn't matter. What I can say is, is that it broke the small resistance that I had. The salty water flowed freely. And as I rocketed into the sky, the rain spilled from formed clouds above.
And that's where I was then, a sulking excuse for a mare.
I don't know where I'm going...but I can't stay here.
So, in that light, I headed to the nearest town, Apple Flats.
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That night in Apple Flats had been interesting, considering it was a small town. There weren't any motels or other acommodations for visitors. But it just so happened that a few ponies were willing to take me in for the night. It was a family of three, a stallion, his wife, and their young colt.
I had almost crashed into one of their windows with my distracted flying. And after some of my rambling, they assumed I needed a place to stay. I had suffered some minor cuts and scrapes from my landing, but aside from that, I was fine. The wife took me aside and cleaned the small injuries, and showed me to a room. Soon afterwords, I was asleep.
Halfway through the night, I had a nightmare that took a twisted mockery of the day before. All of the events twisting into morphed demons and impossible escape. I know it was about midnight; because at the point where the evil Quill chased me off of a ledge, yelling that he never loved me, I awoke.
Sweat drenched my mane, making it impossible to get comfortable. So I got off of the bed, the moonlight guiding me to the window. Out of it, the tiny town stretched maybe a few shops out before being swallowed by shadows. My eyes were directed back up to the moon, and with some effort I focused the both of them.
Luna, Celestia, or anypony else out there. I... I don't know what to do... Please, please, give me somepony to call my own. Please....
I took one last look out of the window before heading back to the bed. And this time, I fell asleep and stayed dreamless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My eyes opened to the relatively small room, and the clutter of movement downstairs made me wipe my eyes groggily. I yawned widely, throwing back the blankets, and taking a quick look in the mirror. From my misaligned eyes, to my bubble cutie mark, nothing held the image of a bad pony. Just an overly tired one. So without any further thought; I headed downstairs.
The bright sunshine bounded back and forth across the walls of the simple, clean kitchen. There sitting in a typical family fashion were the kind ponies that had taken me in the night before. Each looked up upon my arrival with visages of happiness.
"How did ya'll sleep?" The wife asked sincerely.
"...Uh, great. Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate it..." I answered and returned her sincerity with the last part.
"Yer fine, hun'." The mare stated, bringing forth some toast for me to munch on.
The rest of the morning passed uneventfully, mostly consisting of exchanged pleasantries. They asked where I was from and where I was going, along with my name.
"I didn't quite catch yer name last night..." The husband I now knew as Summer Field asked.
"Derpy... Derpy Hooves."
"It's a nice one, hun'." Said Mrs. Field.
"Where ya headed?" The husband continued in the vain of conversation.
"....I don't know." I answered.
Next thing I knew, I had excused myself and had grabbed my things. They asked again more sincerly where I was going, and again I gave them the same answer. I had no clue. The family actually asked me if I would like to stay a few nights. I denied for the simple fact that I didn't want to impose. It was obvious that they were taken aback by my eyesight. Even if they did mask it well.
The town was as small as it was the night before, and after asking a handy stallion standing in front of a shop, he told me that the next town out was Ponyville. I had never been there, but I had to believe that it would hold a place that would bring me peace. Maybe even happiness.
I took off into the air, and within an hour the Everfree Forest was directly under me. It was easily identified because it was the largest forest in the entire kingdom. It stretched for miles in each direction, adding a sense of serenity to the hectic couple days I had experienced.
And after the sun began to creep past it's zenith, I could see the buildings that were etched out of the backdrop of the forest. And beyond that was the capital of Canterlot, which was placed on the BriskFall mountain.
In contrast to the very traditional style of home that the pegasi enjoyed, the town was eccentric and colorful. The ponies each went about their lives, completely unaware of the approaching pegasus. Each corner seemed to have shops vying for my attention, and one in particular held the most allure.
It was SugarCube Corner; the coziest bakery and confectionary I had seen. And from what I could tell, the only one. I easily glided towards the door, and if not for the large sparrow that blew past my face at the last second, I would have properly landed. Instead of that, however, I slammed into a pony that had emerged from the door at the last second. The following crash and clang of a shelf toppling over drew more than a few stares from passerby.
"Ohmygosh! I'm sooooooo sorry!" Said a bubbly pink pony. Clearly worried she had somehow harmed me. Which seemed odd, considering that I was the one who crashed into her.
"Er, I'm fine." I said, mostly because she was a very effective cushion. I picked myself and assessed the damage briefly. We had barely been missed by the shelf, but the rest of the cabinet was intact. But the mess caused by the flour it held had made a sufficiently white paradise over most of the floor.
The pink equine was now in front of me introducing herself fanatically. I only caught the main points of what she was saying. Like the fact that her name was Pinke Pie. Which was fitting, along with how that I had to be new in town because she knew everpony here. I thought that she meant it jokingly, Ponyville was not a small town.
I took all of this in and looked at the ground, making sure to hide one of my eyes every time I looked up at her. And she mistook it for shyness.
"Are you shy?! I have a friend like that! Her name's Fluttershy, I think the two of you would get along great!" She said, finally taking a breath.
I made my escape shortly afterwords. I also made sure to avert my gaze to all of the ponies around, taking to the sky and hiding behind a solitary white cloud toward the edge of Ponyville. I was taking no chances of being singled out.
"That was a weird pony....." I said to myself while I peeked over the edge.
"Yeah, she does get like that sometimes." A mystery pony piped up, scaring the sense out of me. When I regained my composure, I checked who had said it. The offending mare was of a cyan tone, with a rainbow cutie mark and mane. She seemed nice, but I still made double positive to keep one of my eyes out of her gaze.
"W-Who are you?" I questioned, stammering purposely to add the illusion of shyness to explain my downcast visage. I was determined to make sure that nopony in this town had any reason to dislike me.
"I'm Rainbow Dash! The best flyer to ever come out of Cloudsdale!" She answered with no small amount of gusto. I wondered how she could say that with so much certainty. Especially since that was the only Pegasus city, filled with thousands of winged ponies. "And who are you?"
"Der-Derpy....Hooves." I stated, the last name significantly lighter, for the same reason as before. It felt odd to act differently than was in my nature. Almost wrong, but not un-doable.
"Are you new in town then? Cause if you just met Pinkie, then you haven't been here long..." She said with a hint of suspicion, then breaking into a grin as I nodded the affirmative. "Then you might wanna hide somewhere for a while, otherwise you may be bombarded by ballons and a party cannon soon...."
Party.....cannon? I thought inquisitively.
"You can stay at my place! I don't think that I would mind too much....unless...." She trailed off and adopted an exceptionally serious face, "Unless you snore. Do you snore?"
I was taken off guard at the question and recovered with a shake of my head. It was an odd question, but soon she just laughed it off and led me to the cloud home that she had on the edge of town. It was religiously bare, with only spartan furnishings. A small coffee table, a couch, and an odd bookshelf that only held the Daring Doo series. Clearly enchanted to keep it from falling to the ground through the cloud. There were only two other rooms in the house, and they were a bedroom, and a bathroom.
After I was given a short impromptu tour, she left to get back to her job. Which was the chief of weather in Ponyville. And it didn't seem that she was too worried about having to do much more than chase away a stray cloud. After placing my saddle bags on the table, I walked to the bathroom and stared at my reflection in a pool of water in the sink.
I dragged my eyes across the mare staring there. Her yellow mane, grey coat, and the last thing I settled on, her eyes. And with an expiremental shift of my hoof, I moved said mane in front of her right eye. Now she looked normal. I took it away, and back to Derpy she went.
I have no choice...... I attempted to convince myself mentally.
And with one last wistful look, I moved the mane in front of my face, and left for Ponyville.
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The town was as cheerful as it's hues and vibrant colors made it out to be. I was hardly bored as I strolled through the park, hearing the cheers of children as they played in the grass. The animals seemed to smile at me as I passed, and there were ponies that were watering flowers that left a tantalizing smell in my nose. It seemed that the community here was also very closely knit. Which was indeed odd; most cities, as far as I knew, were cut throat and indifferent. But nopony here held any malice, and in fact I was being waved at often.
I had hardly made it halfway through said park, before a pink blur shot up in front of me. And she looked incredibly frustrated.
"I wanted to throw you a party, but the Cakes' said that I couldn't throw any more at SugarCube Corner because of the babies! And then I realized that I don't know where you lived, so I asked Dashie. And she told me that you were staying with her for now, but I can't throw a party in a cloud home! I can't even stand on clouds! So then I asked Gummy what I should do, but he didn't know either!" Pinkie Pie rapid fired in quick succesion.
"Uhm, you could always... Not throw a party?" I offered.
She gasped and looked as though I had suggested that we should help Nightmare Moon take the throne. I almost thought she would get angry, but instead, she said, "No, no. I'll just throw it where you least expect it. That way, you won't have any choice but to have fun!"
What? She is the weirdest pony I've ever met. Hooves down. I thought.
"O-ok?" I verbalized, almost dropping my facade.
"Oh wait! I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner!"
"....What?" I asked, completely out of the loop.
"You should come to the sleepover at Twilight's! She invited me because she wanted me to help organize her library! But I don't think she would mind another pony." She said, her excitement echoing in her voice. I began to think that she had never heard of the concept "volume control".
I don't think she would take no for an answer. And I might as well check out the library. I wandered mentally.
"What's your name, anyways?" Pinkie Pie asked, taking on a thoughtful posture, "Is it... Ditzy Doo? NO! Wait! Is it.... Grey Bubbleflanks?! Cause that would be an awesome name! Well, not as awesome as when you landed on me that one time, but really, who could top that?!"
I was appalled by her carefree manner, she had to be the most insane mare I had ever met. But she was so nice and friendly that I could help but feel drawn in.
"Derpy..." I managed to squeeze past her ramblings, "...Hooves."
All of the sudden, her fountain of words hit an end. Staring intently at me. So intently, that I began to feel self concious, worrying that she had seen my other eye. Then she smiled even more widely, clearly pleased with my name. And for the first time, I smiled at my own expense.
And from that moment on, I knew that I would be forever hooked on the warmth that it brought me. For the first time in my life, I wasn't worried over what ponies would think about me. Even if it was brief, it was comforting...
Author's Note
Am unused to writing sad fics. Feedback and harassment are necessary for mah growth!
Have a Hoof /]
-TastyBass
(If you read "The Battle of Ages" that story is currently on hiatus. Been busy, but I promise that I will get on it as soon as possible.)
