CLASSIFIED: KEEP OUT
-----HIGHLY CLASSIFIED INFORMATION #4583----
FOR THE PRINCESS' EYES ONLY, AND WHOMEVER ELSE SHE WISHES TO SEE THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE
DECLASSIFIED UNOFFICIALLY FOR THE PUBLIC VIEW BY SECRET KEEPER
Hello from the past. What? You don't understand me? You don't understand how I could ever come forward in time to tell you a message? You don't understand why? You don't understand how I could be talking to you from the past, knowing you'd read it in the future? Oh well, I just did, because you are reading this right now, are you not?
My name is Secret Keeper, and I was the one pony made for one job: to keep the Princess Celestia's secrets, no matter how weird they get. (But don't worry, she does have her other Princess friends to talk to, even though they may not be a Princess, like her majesty.)
Yes. I was made.
And yes, I failed at my job.
I was bioengineered for the Princess. Later in her life, they started engineering ponies to work for the royals. More trustworthy.
I failed at my job because well... The person that made me had a few more drinks at the bar than they intended. Or that's what I joke about. I actually don't know what happened. But it's not entirely their fault, I admit, I have done a little more snooping than intended, and this entire document you're reading in itself is just me breaking the first rule for a BE (BioEngineered) Pony.
I came here to tell you about something.
There's a reason I'm from the past, but in the latter part of Celestia's life.
Equestria? The land you keep on reading about? It exists.
ExistED would be a better term. A much better term.
Those DINOSAURS you humans have invented? Yes, those are the BE Ponies, gone horribly wrong. The rest of the ponies had already died and been processed into oil, decomposed. Chew on that fact.
Now, the next question is: What is with the My Little Pony show, and why isn't it popular among everyone in the world?
That show that you absolutely love, and quite possibly are obsessed about? The same show people think you are crazy for watching?
Yes, it's true. It all happened. Well... It 'happened'. It was what you humans would call a reality TV show. Whether those instances actually happened or not, we all have no clue. All we know is that everypony watched it. And I mean EVERYPONY. Rainbow Dash's moves were copied by experts and little pegasi alike. Fluttershy caused the monstrous uproar for research and protecting of the environments of Equestria. Rarity's fashion lines were the most expensive things out there. Everyone HAD to have some of Rarity's clothing, otherwise you looked foolish in public. Pinkie Pie's candies were the most delicious things out there, I can attest for myself. Apple Jack fueled the agriculture industry. Twilight made it cool again to read. Libraries would be filled with children months after the show came on. I could go on and on.
Anypony who said a word on the show was transformed into a superstar overnight. It was SICKENING almost to see ponies throw their lives away, for stardom.
But I'm from the past, so how in the world did you get your little hands/hooves (depending on who you are) on this? Ah yes, I owe it to my good and dear friend, Doctor Whooves.
Doctor Whooves is a time lord, if you really do not know. Which means he can travel through space and time (or in his words, 'Wibbly-Wobbly-Timey-Wimey Stuff'), which means, he had a big part in getting this message to you. Hats off to him.
We got here through a thing called the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, as the gent kindly explained), and it was wittingly disguised as a tree in Apple Jack's orchard. (Not like she actually noticed, she was away too often.) He then explained for hours it seemed like how he had finally fixed his Chameleon Circuit after decades... I thought I would be decades before he was quiet!
I finally was hooked up to a computer, where I finally achieved uploading this, so that you can read this. Trust me, it was difficult. You humans have such small hooves, and there are so many buttons on this thing you call a keyboard... I was so overwhelmed! What do you do without such magic?
I leave you humans with a fare do well. I am highly intrigued with your culture, and why so many of your kind just reject watching my people. It offends me, quite honestly. And so many think it is... Disgraceful to watch it. They see it as a KID'S show, something for children to watch in their spare time. I am here to say I disagree with such things. If this is in our future, we indeed need to change this, and change this quickly. Maybe you won't even get this message, because we've changed the future so much. I do hope I am right, and I am not mistaken...
I wish to stop this, as much as I possibly can. Doctor Whooves says that there are these things than cannot be altered in time, pivotal moments in history that define who we are, as a race and a culture, and if one of these moments was ever changed, the entirety of human race could be obliterated. I was never a colt for theories, but rather, a man of action. Before I go home for Equestira, first, I will change this. I will make my people quite well-known and just and well-loved as they are back at home. Still super stars, year upon years after they have gone.
Doctor Whooves only wants what's best for the humans, not us. Who would do such a thing, leave his own ponies? Why would he ever want of leave his own ponies. Who cares about those humans? Those greedy, fat humans?
Secret Keeper- OUT. Leaving for back home, making it a better place.
-----End Transmission-----