Dear Diary,
Today Fluttershy gave me you, thinking that maybe I might be able to put some of my emotions on paper. Well, I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen.
This is probably just going to be a recorder for all the stuff that happens every day.
Like Pinkie dying.
Yeah, she's dead.
She died three days ago. She isn't going to throw us parties, or randomly appear right when you're feeling down.
All because of some really stupid bolt of lightning that I had to put right over her house.
What were the chances she would get hit by it?
What were the chances that it would kill her if it hit her?
It was just my job, and I assumed Pinkie would stay inside.
But no, she went outside to sing in the rain with her gator, and now she's dead.
Stupid. It's just so stupid.
Fluttershy has been helping me a lot. She has always been there for me, and I'm grateful for that. Especially now.
But the diary idea wasn't exactly the best one she ever had.
I'm eating a cupcake right now. It was one of the dozen that Pinkie gave us all four days ago. Each of us got a dozen cupcakes with our cutie marks drawn on them with multi-colored frosting. She makes the best cupcakes in the world. I think I might prefer Apple Jack's apple pie, though.
I'm saying so many stupid things. Or writing them. Is writing something the same as saying something, only no one can hear you?
Except Fluttershy. She's reading from behind my shoulder.
HA HA, GOT YOU!
I don't think she was really happy about that. I really shouldn't do that to her. She's helping me so much.
I miss Pinkie.
Your Totally Awesome Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
Twilight Sparkle came over today. She said that she had a job suggestion that I might like.
Why a job suggestion, you ask? Because I quit the weather patrol.
I don't want to hurt any more of my friends.
Fluttershy keeps on telling me that it's not my fault. I know it's not. Not fully, anyway. But it's about 20% my fault.
Anyway, Twilight said that the cakes still needed someone to bake their cupcakes. I can't bake cupcakes. Pinkie Pie herself used to tell me that.
I always either burnt them or somehow turned them into cupcake juice.
Seriously, how do you liquidize a cupcake?!
I said no, and Twilight left. I think she was disappointed.
I'm going to ask Fluttershy if I can stay at her house for a while. I'm beginning to feel very lonely now, for some strange reason.
Rats, I'm putting feelings in here now.
I ate all of my cupcakes last night. I should have ate them more slowly, because now I will never be able to savor one of Pinkie's cupcakes ever again.
Your Totally Awesome Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
I had nightmares last night. It was full of pink lightning hitting cupcakes and making them explode. During the whole thing, I heard Pinkie singing that "Giggle At The Ghoastie" song of hers.
I woke up crying, and Fluttershy was there hugging me. She's such a sweet pony. She cried with me. She misses Pinkie Pie too.
We all do.
I might ask to sleep with her tonight. I hope she won't mind, but I think that maybe she will help ward off the nightmares.
She baked some cupcakes this morning. They were ones with Pinkie's cutie mark on them. As a tribute, I guess. They were beautiful.
I couldn't help but eat them.
I feel like I was pretty selfish then.
She wasn't mad, though. She just baked a few more batches of them, and I think she might have ate a few herself.
There are still some more in her cupboard. I think I'll go eat them now.
Your Totally Awesome Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
Nightmares struck again.
But I guess they were less bad than the other ones. It just had Pinkie popping out of a cupcake and smiling at me. Then, with a flash of light, she would be gone.
I woke Fluttershy up with my crying, I think. She hugged me, and I fell back asleep again.
After that, no nightmares.
I wonder if she has that kind of effect on all of her animals. Do they ever have nightmares?
Probably not.
She also makes great pancakes.
MMMM!
I think that today is going to be a good day.
Your Totally Awesome Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
I don't think about her as much.
What is wrong with me?! I have to think about her! She was one of my best friends ever! I can't just walk away like everything's alright, can I?
What kind of friend would do something like that?
An uncaring friend.
I still care about her.
I have to think about her.
If I don't, then wouldn't it be like leaving her alone? I can't leave Pinkie alone.
She might disappear.
Wait, didn't she already?
I'm so confused.
I feel like I've lost a member of my family. And she was very much like a sister to me. A stupid, stupid lightning bolt. Just like the stupid rainbow one that is stuck on my stupid flank.
I feel so alone.
Except for Fluttershy.
She's still there for me.
Even though I'm sure I'm doing something wrong.
What am I doing wrong?
~~Your Totally Awesome Master,~~
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
I asked Fluttershy if I was doing something wrong yesterday. She looked confused, and said that I wasn't doing anything wrong as far as she could tell.
I still feel like I am.
And, really, I actually feel kind of numb.
Don't ask why, because I don't understand.
I don't understand anything.
I feel like crying, but I've probably cried all the tears I have left.
Giggle at the ghoastie.
Snortle at the spooky.
I'm trying to smile right now, but it feels fake.
Maybe if I hug Fluttershy I'll smile.
She always makes me smile.
Your Totally Confused And Kind Of Sad Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
I think this Fluttershy hug thing is working. I'm hugging her, like, five times a day now. It makes me feel better, and it got me thinking that maybe that was what I was doing wrong.
I was being gloomy.
Pinkie wouldn't want me to be gloomy, I don't think.
I'm trying to be happy even without Fluttershy's hugs, but its hard to do that inside of her house. I really don't want to leave, because then ponies will come running to me with apologies and other sympathetic stuff.
I wouldn't be very happy then. I think I'd be pretty angry.
I think I'm going to try to help Fluttershy out with her animals.
Your Totally Awesome Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
Yesterday I went on a helping spree.
I helped A.J. with apple-bucking.
I helped Rarity with her sewing (yuck, why did I do that?!)
I helped Twilight organize her library (and almost died from boredom. Wait, I really shouldn't make any dying jokes.)
And, of course, I helped Fluttershy with her animals.
I went to the Cake's Bakery almost on autopilot after I was finished helping my other friends. Then I remembered she was dead.
It hurt for a second, but then the pain was gone.
Part of the reason why I didn't hurt so much was probably because of the smell coming from the bakery. The smell of cakes.
Cupcakes.
I actually helped make some of them. None of them turned out burnt or liquidy, but a lot of them were kind of squishy, or a bit hard.
The Cakes still appreciated my help. And they were still very happy to see me.
That confused me a bit, but I think I was pretty happy to see them too.
We talked about Pinkie. I learned that she was buried in the back yard, next to a huge tree that sort of covered the gravestone.
Which was pink, by the way. And sparkly. And it had balloons and streamers all around it. There were even some waterproof pink streamers on the tree.
I cried when I saw it. It made me feel sad in a happy kind of way. Or is it happy in a sad kind of way?
Either way, it doesn't make sense.
Nothing ever makes sense with Pinkie anyway.
I left the bakery after that, and went back to Fluttershy's house. I practically live there now.
I gave her a big hug when I got in. I told her about the grave, and she cried happy/sad tears too.
She said it sounded just like pinkie pie.
Your Totally Awesome Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
I rejoined the weather patrol. I think that this is the right thing to do.
The thing I should have done days ago, actually.
Fluttershy says I shouldn't say that, because Pinkie was really close to me. To all of us.
She said that it's just hard for some people to cope with it, and that there's nothing wrong with that.
I thanked Fluttershy for helping me out so much. She said that I didn't have to.
It sure felt like I did.
I know that I should go back to my own house, but every time I try to, something just doesn't feel right, and I return to Fluttershy's house.
I don't really want to leave. Sometimes, I even bring something from my house to hers, like a carpet or some knick-knack. It's like I'm trying to move in.
She doesn't really mind, for some strange reason. She's still as caring as always, and she's proud of how far away I have gone from that sad pony I was.
I love that little yellow filly.
Wait, WHAT?!
I did not mean to write that.
Thank Celestia I'm not saying that out loud. And that Fluttershy isn't reading this from behind my shoulder.
I might, though. I might love her. And it's not very weird, I mean several mares have been dating and married to other mares in Equestria for a while now.
If we dated, I'm pretty sure all our friends would be happy.
Even Pinkie. ESPECIALLY Pinkie, I bet.
But how would Fluttershy feel?
...
...
...happy.
I'm pretty sure she would be happy.
Happy enough to "YAY!" I bet.
But that's just if I tell her.
I don't think I'm brave enough.
...wait.
Yes I am.
Your Totally Courageous and Awesome Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Dear Diary,
I told her. At probably the most beautiful, sentimental, and perfect place in the whole wide world.
Pinkie's grave.
She wanted to see it this morning. So we went together to the bakery, and Fluttershy made some Pinkie Pie Cutie Mark cupcakes. She wanted to leave them by her grave, kind of like flowers. I helped her, and they were just great. We each ate one, because I'm pretty sure that Pinkie would want us to have one.
In reality, of course, she would be so excited that she would eat them before thinking of sharing, but she's not in a state that she needs to eat right now, so she would probably share.
She set the cupcakes down, and looked around. It was a beautiful, yet tranquil party atmosphere. Her party cannon was there beside her grave. Funny, it wasn't there before. I guess the Cakes moved it.
She had tears in her eyes. Her hoof repeatedly traced the words in the gravestone.
And she smiled, like she could almost feel Pinkie there. I know I could.
In fact, I think it was Pinkie who told me what to do next.
"Fluttershy?" I said, and I think I was pretty quiet.
"Yes, Dashie?" she said, and turned to me.
Her eyes were beautiful. Simply beautiful.
I kissed her.
Her eyes widened, kind of.
But she kissed me back.
And she didn't move away for a while.
I almost heard Pinkie in the background. She was shouting "YES! YES! YES! YES!"
But that could have been noises in my head.
All I knew was that I agreed.
Your Totally Happy and In Love Master,
Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash opened the cardboard box that had been left in the basement for years now. "Hey, Fluttershy!" she shouted. "Look at this!"
Fluttershy flew down the stairs and asked "What is it, Dashie?"
Rainbow Dash held up a blue hardback diary, only a few pages full.
"Do you remember this, sweets?"
Fluttershy's eyes widened as she flipped through the pages. "Yes, this was when Pinkie died. And you were so sad."
Rainbow Dash smiled and hugged her beautiful wife. "Yeah, I thought you got rid of that, actually."
Tears came to Fluttershy's eyes as she read through the diary again. "You never wrote in it after you got over her death, Dashie."
"Well, I never really needed to. I was never really sad about it again." She read over Fluttershy's shoulder the words she had once wrote.
Memories ran through her head about Pinkie Pie. Happy memories. Beautiful memories. Almost as beautiful as the memories she had made with Fluttershy after Pinkie was gone.
She knew that Pinkie would be happy for the two of them. She could almost hear her screaming "I SEE YOU TWO DOWN THERE! I KNEW YOU BOTH COULD BE HAPPY! HEY, WHERE'S THE BABY? I DON'T SEE A BABY!"
Rainbow Dash knew Pinkie wouldn't pay attention to science, as usual.
And what she knew the most was that she herself was happy.
And that being happy wasn't a bad thing.
