The sunshine that rolled over Ponyville and the music in the air hinted at today's merriment, but Discord could not be anymore miserable. He scowled as he slumped back in the carriage with Celestia and Luna, watching as Equestria's new princess was carried down the dirt path.
He hated this, and he hated Celestia for this. Why couldn't he just spend the day the way he wanted to, practicing his swim strokes in a spring of carbonated soda? Or practice canon balls in a hot chocolate hot spa?
It would do him good, the princess said. Do him good to what? Be in a crowd of hundreds of equines that wanted to maim him, that hated him? The last thing Discord needed was further alienation. There was a reason why he didn't attend Twilight's stupid coronation.
The carriage skidded to a halt and Celestia and Luna stepped out, grinning warmly and escorting Twilight Sparkle out.
Discord just stood there, exhaling a disbelieved scoff at how he had been simply left out in the dust. Of course he shouldn't be surprised; everyone acted as if he was practically invisible. The cheering of the crowd died down as their eyes set on his form, filled with contempt and fear.
The draconequus said nothing as he bitterly floated past the rows of ponies, just waiting for one of them to wrap a hoof around one of his limbs and tear it off.
Somehow he made it through the hostile crowd in one piece, and he gazed around for any glimpse of rosette and saffron of the only pony he actually cared to see.
“Discord!”
For the first time that day, Discord's bitter mood lifted as a sparkle came to his eyes, and he flew excitedly toward the pegasus galloping up to him. Fluttershy gave him a quick hug around his middle and grabbed his hands in her hooves.
“What are you doing here?”
Oh, he had been wondering that very question himself the entire ride from Canterlot. “Princess Tightflank seemed to decide it would be beneficial for me to be 'out with the citizens of Equestria' and make some...friends.” He shook his head, not even able to believe he said those words. “Does she not realize how ridiculous that sounds?”
The pegasus only laughed and rubbed along his lion paw with her hoof. “Well, you won me as your friend... You could give it a shot. As long as you're living in Equestria, you may as well try interacting with others besides me. Maybe they'll be forgiving.”
Discord snorted. For someone who had succeeded in 'reforming' the embodiment of chaos itself, she could certainly be a naive little filly. “Right, dear, I'll spend the rest of the day walking old lady mares down the street and kissing babies, and see just how many brownie points that will score.”
He winced with a slight grin as the pegasus gave him a playful bonk with her hoof. He opened his mouth to eagerly tell her about all the things he'd done in Canterlot, like pouring vinegar into Celestia's morning tea, or how he snuck under the new princess's bed last night and made ghost noises, but the pegasus trotted toward Twilight Sparkle and her friends before he could say a word.
“Oh Twilight, your new dress is just beautiful. Rarity, you did a wonderful job on the blue stars.”
The fashionista unicorn flushed with a flattered grin, fluffing the fabric on the young ruler's dress. “Why thank you, darling. It's not everyday I get to make a dress for royalty. I had a chance to try out a few new sewing techniques and add a few diamonds in the lace.”
The group of mares crowded around the young alicorn to fawn over her dress and ask about what it was like being a new princess, not even paying him a glance.
Hovering behind the mares with his arms crossed, Discord merely snorted. What was the big deal about little Twilight Sparkle's new status anyway? From what he had seen, the kid didn't do much worth mentioning, other than when she freaked out from her nerves about having to prepare a speech for an audience, and tossed him out of her room when he tried to help her.
“How's your princess duties comin'?” Applejack asked.
“Yeah, did ya freak out yet?” Rainbow Dash sniggered.
Twilight Sparkle's wings fluffed in irritation, but she smirked at her friend. “As a matter-a-fact, I have remained level-headed so far. Princess Cadence taught me how to manage my nerves when I get too stressed.”
Discord shot the alicorn an accusing glare, but she ignored him. You freaked out when you couldn't find your left slipper for the festival today!
“It's all been a new experience, but I've really missed you girls.”
Discord stepped back, making a mental gag gesture as their conversation turned into a heinous snuggle fest, and they all gathered up for a tight group hug. His ears pinned back as they continued to ignore his presence, and he finally tapped Twilight Sparkle on the shoulder in annoyance.
“Um, hello there girls?”
The ponies only now broke out of their conversation long enough to greet him back and smile. Discord darkened. He was the master of deceit, and it was hardly difficult for him to discern fake cheer from real cheer. They may have been saying hello, but they were thinking 'go away and leave us alone.'
Well, he could take a hint. Scowling, Discord slipped away from the group of chatty mares and decided to go see if Celestia and Luna wanted any company.
Or rather, perhaps the proper term was 'intrude on their conversation', as he dove down and plopped onto Celestia's back. The two mares that were conversing with the princess scurried away in fright.
“Celestia, you really should go into business,” Discord said as he ran a paw over the alicorn's back, and grinned as she shivered. “Your back makes such a great couch; you could charge a dollar for everyone that wants to sit on it.” He yelped as he suddenly found himself airborne, and landed hard on the ground, the glaring princess trying to burn holes through his head with her eyes.
“Fortunately for me, the only one that tries sitting on my back is you, and I have ways of dealing with you,” the princess growled.
“What will you do?” the spirit asked saucily. “Handcuff me?”
“How about another term in stone?” she smirked.
“Oh, perish the thought. I think I would really learn my lesson if you were to handcuff me...to your bed.”
Celestia rolled her eyes and nudged the spirit up with a hoof. “Discord, I brought you to the festival for a reason. It was so you could spend time getting acquainted with society, and find a way to make everyone more comfortable with you.”
“Oh yes, and how fantastic that's been going. Bravo, Princess, you truly are amazing. Just look at all the ponies scattering away from me in fear.”
The princess sighed. “Just make an effort. Why don't you try striking up a conversation with someone in the crowd? And just don't do anything to scare them off?”
Well he may as well attempt it. The girls wanted nothing to do with him, Celestia wouldn't allow him to sit on her couch-back, and Fluttershy had suddenly seemed to lose interest in him.
Shrugging, Discord picked out a random stallion by the buffet table and made his way over. Right before the stallion reached for a pitcher, he kindly levitated the pitcher and glass into the air, using magic to pour the drink. Rather than thank him, the stallion only whimpered and quivered pathetically. Discord ignored it and tried to be friendly.
“So, how are you enjoying the festival, my dear?” he chirped. “Personally I find this food and this punch especially to be exquisite. Food makes a party, after all~!”
Whimpering, teeth chattering, the stallion bent his head to take a sip of his punch. Two cockroaches floated to the surface. Giving a bloodcurdling scream, he threw the glass to the ground and bolted.
“Wait, come back!” Discord shouted, grabbing the plastic bugs and waving. “They're fake! Fake!” He turned when he saw a group of ponies staring at him. They gasped the moment he looked at them, and ran off as well.
Sighing, Discord poured six glasses of punch and levitated them over to where the girls were, plopping beside them. “I brought you all some punch~!”
They thanked him, took the punch, and then resumed ignoring him. Discord had enough. He almost aggressively tapped on Fluttershy's head. “Hey, Flutters, what's say you and I ditch this stupid event and go swimming in the lake? I won't change the water this time!”
The pegasus affectionately pet his snout, but then she seemed to give it a little push back. “Not now, dear. We haven't seen Twilight in a while so we want to spend some time with her.”
Of course they hadn't. Twilight Sparkle was a princess now and princesses had no time for fun and play. Didn't they get the memo?
His face rippling up into a scowl, the spirit stormed away. Stupid, neglectful ponies. How did they expect to 'reform him with friendship' if they never made the effort to spend some time with him? Fluttershy was the only reason there weren't geysers of soda shooting off everywhere, and she didn't even seem to care about him anymore...
Discord found a vacant chair by the buffet table and slumped against it, his ears pinned back gloomily. He was a lone draconequus in a land of ponies that hated him. Why did he stop being evil again?
“Citizens of Ponyville and Canterlot, we've had a wonderful festival so far,” Celestia began from on the stage. “And now it's time for the moment you've all been waiting for, the talent show!”
At that, Discord perked up. A talent show? Well, what a perfect opportunity to appease the crowd! The spirit bolted through the group and shoved aside the stallion that was about to make his way on stage.
The crowd gasped as he stood in the center of the stage, while two other ponies helped pick the stallion up off the ground.
“You'll have to forgive me, as I didn't have time to prepare a comedy act, so I'll be doing a little improv.” The crowd just glared, but Discord wasn't deterred. With the snap of his fingers, a frazzled Celestia was back on stage.
“Of course this is a talent show, so I could practice my dance routine instead,” he lamented as he river danced on Celestia's back. That elected no reaction, so the draconequus scooped Celestia up by her back legs and slapped her flanks like a drum, which made a comical 'bongo' noise as he hit them. “Or my music routine!”
The seething princess bucked him aside, and all that went through the crowd were disapproving murmurs and shaking heads.
Well, it was time for some old fall-back gags then. Discord conjured up a champagne bottle and gave it a vigorous shake. Instead of liquid, confetti spouted out the top. Not even a smile rose. Glaring, he conjured a pie and slammed it into his own face.
The classic pie gag was a natural 'knock 'em dead' routine, but there may as well have been crickets chirping in the audience. Not even the slightest chuckle rose, the ponies only glaring back with an utter lack of amusement.
The only pony that forced a tight smile was Fluttershy; the rest of the girls only face palmed, and Discord saw Celestia and Luna roll their eyes. Despondently, Discord rose his talon to poof away the glasses and just disappear, but a small giggle stopped him.
Was he hearing things, or by some miracle of the gods was someone actually laughing at his jokes? The spirit scanned the crowd for a smiling face among all the glares, and found it in a young pegasus colt at the front of the crowd.
Despite his mother's frown and how she kept trying to shush him, the child kept giggling, as if Discord was the funniest thing he had ever seen.
Encouraged by this, the grinning draconequus summoned up a spray can of whipped cream and squirted a fluffy, sweet mustache under his nostrils. The colt laughed even more, his hazel eyes twinkling with mirth.
“You're funny, Mister Discord.”
The mother tried tossing a hoof over her son's mouth, but the colt only giggled behind it.
Just that one comment made the draconequus feel as if he was on top of the world, sitting on a mountain made of ice cream, and eating jelly beans that fell from the heaven. Somepony was actually smiling at him! It was a bigger miracle then getting Celestia to not be boring!
“Stout, why don't you go and get yourself a snack?” the mother suggester hurriedly, giving her colt a coaxing shove toward the buffet table. Stout dug his hooves into the dirt in protest and glanced back over his shoulder at Discord.
“But I want to watch Mister Discord more. He's funny! Can't I, Mom?”
The mother stiffened and shot a look of daggers at the grinning draconequus, trying to shield the boy from view with her hoof. The ever curious colt only wriggled away from his mother's hoof and scurried up toward Discord. “Stout Heart!”
Amidst his mother's protests (who looked ready to collapse dead at the sight of her son being a mere foot away from the formerly evil master of chaos), Stout fluttered up to the draconequus, and bravely stood at his feet.
Now this was a sight. It was hard enough finding a pony that didn't cower merely at his very name, but for it to be a child of all things.
The crowd still watching hushed in terror when the spirit bent his gangly body down to the colt's level, still grinning brightly. Cute little child he was; a rough and tumble boy by the looks of it, with messy blonde bangs and gorgeous hazel eyes. His coat was a pale turquoise; the same trait he shared with his mother, by the looks of it.
“Well I must say, I've certainly never had any volunteers for my repertoires,” the spirit chuckled, his paw lightly patting the boy's poofy mane, as the crowd reacted as if he had just sliced off one of his ears.
“Do something else funny!” Stout exclaimed, bouncing excitedly.
“Oh child, I'd love to but I'm not dressed properly to continue my act!” With a flash of magic, Discord now sported a hilariously bulky and sparkly princess dress. That certainly gained a reaction from the crowd, and Discord could easily hear Pinkie Pie's snorting, hysterical laughter in the back.
“You look like one of those fancy mares Mom and I always see in Canterlot!”
“A Canterlot boy, are you?” As far as Discord was concerned, both Stout and his mother didn't have anything that screamed 'high class snob'. Stout's mane wasn't totally unkempt, but it was sticking up in places that suggested he had been playing roughly earlier (not something most Canterlot children were permitted to do), and the mother didn't have the typical 'I look down on all of you' expression most Canterlot ponies did.
“Yeah, Mom and I have been living there for the past two months.” Or perhaps the family simply hadn't lived in Snobsville long enough to grow adept to their ways.
The crowd gasped sharply as Discord casually slipped his tail around the pegasus and bounced him gently. The mother looked as if she had seen a ghost, but Stout merely gave a happy squeal.
Vermillion eyes met happy hazel, and just for a moment Discord felt content, like there was some hope for him in this unforgiving society. He opened his mouth to say something else to the colt, but he suddenly felt himself get shoved aside, and Stout tumbled from his tail and into his mother's hooves.
Celestia stood where Discord had been, trying to calm down the irate crowd of ponies, as Stout's mother made a getaway with him back into the crowd.
“My apologies, everypony for that interruption.” The princess shot him a brief withering glare, which he was all too happy to return. “We'll resume our talent show for those of you that did sign up, and I promise there will be no more interruptions tonight.”
The princess kept the pleasant smile up long enough to please the crowd, but she glared daggers at Discord once they were behind the curtain. “Discord.”
“Celestia,” he snidely mimicked.
“We'll continue this conversation back at the palace.” She turned to walk off the stage, slapping Discord with her tail when he attempted to imitate her jabbering jaw with his hand.
Discord scowled and slumped to the bottom step, where Fluttershy was waiting for him and smiling.
“It looks like you have a fan.”
He scoffed bitterly. “And one I'll likely never see again.”
From around the stage, Discord could see the little colt and his mother leaving the crowd. The colt's head was low, and his ears droopy, but the moment he saw Discord he grinned and waved enthusiastically. Discord smiled, endeared, and returned the wave.
“I don't know, Discord,” Fluttershy pointed out, giving the spirit a knowing smile as they watched the mother and son disappear. “You may not have seen the last of him.”
Author's Note
Poor Discord. No one loves him.
So this was a story I had in mind that's inspired by a role play with my friend. She helped me create little Stout and he's already one of my favorite of my ponies. ^^
For the record, there is no romance in this fic (meaning no Fluttercord). If anything there might be hints of Dislestia, but they more so have an "I hate you" and an "I love to annoy you" relationship in this fic (but Discord does make many inappropriate jokes...)
So I hope you all enjoy.
