Wake up. See This. What do? (Comment driven story)

Chapters

The Book
Hello
Run Away
Apples Attack
Meet Lyra
Lyra answers your questions
Meet Bon Bon
Snacks
Bonus Chapter: PONY KOMBAT - Twilight and Applejack vs Lyra and Bon Bon
Drop Kick the Door
IMPORTANT MESSAGE
Grovel Before the Fashionista
Rarity Answers Your Questions
Thwartin My Plans
Bonus Chapter: PONY KOMBAT II - Twilight vs Rarity
Eaten by a Grue
Diplomacy
Debt to be Repaid
Cardboard Box
Encounter
Interrogation
Bonus Chapter: PONY KOMBAT III - Applejack vs Rainbow Dash
I'd Like to be a Tree
Tree House
To the Windows To the Walls
Ponelicious Ponyville
Bonus Chapter: PONY KOMBAT IV(?) - Pinkie Pie vs Braeburn
To the Forest
Tea Time with Fluttershy
Cuddles
Intermission: Panic
Intermission: Absolutely Nothing Wrong
Intermission: Wake Up
Intermission: Tracking
Extra Chapter: Things People Want to do to Ponies
Intermission: I HAS MADNESS!!!
Intermission: Tea Time with Fluttershy Part Deux
Intermission: PONY KOMBAT V - Twilight Sparkle vs Fluttershy
Announcement: Fanart Contest
Intermission: Equestrian Standoff Begins
Part 2 Begins
What the f*** is going on
A Good Nights Rest
Breakfast Time
Off to the Farm
THIS STORY IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY
Workin on the Farm
Somepony Needs a Hug
Liquorice Headed Little Sister
It's Time To Party
When it's Time to Party
We Will Party Hard aka WALK THE GOD DAMNED DINOSAUR!!!
The(Not) Hangover
The Talk
Fanart Contest Winners
From the desk of Risen Flag
You will do it
Tour of Ponyville
Duh duh da da duh duh duh da da
Advertisement: The Artwork of Blazewings thunder
Countdown to Fate
Dinner
The Fuzz (As in the fuzzy white coats of the Royal Guard)
Hi Princess Celestia
Troll the Estia
Grand Tour of the Royal Palace
Elsewhere in the Palace
ARE YOU READY!?!?!?
It Begins
Comment Special
Extra Chapter: Ghost Sombra
Intermission: Enter Twilight
Comment Special part 2
A Few Days in the Past...
Wake up, Time to Play
The Story Continues

The Book

Step One: Tuck legs up against chest.

Step Two: Wrap arms tightly around legs.

Step Three: Roll away.

Step Final: Hope you're fast enough to escape.

You feel as if it would be in your best interest to get out from under her before you do anything else. Unfortunately that doesn't seem like its going to happen. You see, while you noticed before that her forehooves were next to your shoulders, well more touching your upper arms but yeah, there is the matter of the rest of her body. Her rear hooves are positioned so that they are just above where your knees are almost the same as your shoulders. Also despite the fact that she is more or less about the size of an average pony from your world she is still slightly shorter than you think she is. So there isn't much room for you to roll up into a ball. Why you feel the need to do that to get out from under her is beyond you. So yeah, there will be none of that.

you sloowly, veeery slowly reach a hand towards her head and begin scratching behind her ears. You see her eyes close half way and her mouth hanging open as she lets out a relaxed breath. You continue this and While she is distracted by the pleasure you're giving her, you slide your other hand in your pocket to reach for your trusty multipurpose pocket knife. with your multipurpose pocket knife in your grip, you swiftly pull your hand from her ear and place the arm under her head lifting it a bit, exposing her neck, then you bring your other hand thats holding the knife to her throat and press the blade against the exposed flesh all in one fluid motion. At first she panics and tries to squirm from your hold, but you press the blade a little bit deeper to remind her of her current situation. Once she has calmed, you ask where your gas powered internet enabled blow dryer and your nuclear-powered SMS messaging bowling ball was.

yea, i dont know what the hell I'm doing

Right as the thought of rolling up into a ball leaves your mind however you suddenly remember your trusty pocket knife.

"OF COURSE!" Your internal monologue which for some reason sounds like Crispin Freeman says. Why your internal monologues sound like Crispin Freeman is beyond you, but hey, he has an epic voice. But anyways, your pocket knife. Of course, you never leave home without it.

Slowly so as not to alert her presence, you move your right hand down towards your pocket. Of course you keep a pocket knife in your pocket. You would distract her by petting her but since her eyes seem to be locked on you you don't feel that is necessary. Anyway, just as you are about to reach your pocket......

Also make sure your wearing pants.

And you touch your bare skin.

"Of course," your internal monologue says again. You never wear pants when you sleep so of course you wouldn't be wearing pants now.

I grab the book and start reading, totally ignoring her.

Its only then do you notice the book she's holding with her magic. You naturally have to conclude that its her magic holding it due to the matching glows on her horn and the book. Anyway, since you are without your trusty pocket knife you reach up with your left hand and grab the book. You try to pull it down towards you but it remains still. She obviously doesn't want to let you have it.

Well, that's all the incentive I need.

You suddenly see out of the corner of your vision Jesus Christ, yeah, the one and only, playing a game of checkers with Discord. The Chaos God was in deep thought over his next move, while Jesus was simply texting holy messages of awesome on his iPhone and playing the latest Angry Birds game.

Also, Twilight inexplicably got a wing boner, and wings for that manner. Jesus simply rolls his eyes while Discord flips the checkerboard in anger for not coming up with a good move.

While your fighting with her for the book, over in your peripheral vision you see what looks like a..... thing.... that resembles a dragon more than anything else, but with a deer antler, a goat leg, a bat wing, and a snake tail playing checkers with another human who you can only assume to be Jesus. He appears to be texting somebody on an iphone.

Suddenly, the dragon thing flip the fuck out and flips over the table they are playing on and screams in frustration before snapping his fingers and teleporting away. The man you assume to be Jesus just looks over at you and nods before teleporting away himself. You can only assume that the purple unicorn was caught up in this distraction as well cause the book suddenly comes free from her magical grasp.

Without hesitation you open up the book and look at the front page. The title of the book appears to be The Pony Sutra: 100,000 ways to make your lover ride you into the sunset After seeing that you skim through the book only to see that practically every other page has an outline of different sexual positions as well as drawings and notes on how to perform them. You feel your face redden a bit as you see this.

"Oh my..." is all you can say to yourself upon seeing this. Slowly, you lower the book from your face to see that the purple unicorn's smile has become even wider.

What do you do?

Author's Note

By Celestia, Luna, Discord, God, Ra, Odin and Zeus I never imagined this would get so popular so quickly.... Wow.... just wow thank you all.

Anyway, since there seems to be such a huge influx of comments, what I'm gonna do is read through them every time I update this and only pick a few of them and use those. So yeah....

Also this will likely follow the "first come first serve" rule of comments, as in if you somehow manage to comment first I might be more likely to use yours. However, don't let that discourage you from commenting anyway if there are others before you. At the end of the day the decision of which comments I use are still up to me so even if you comment last I still might use yours if I like it enough. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry I have to be so selective, but yeah I never expected this many people would follow this. Also this goes without saying, but even if I did use your comment you can still comment again. Hell you can comment as much as you like, just if you pester me I might be less likely to use yours so yeah. Just be wary.

But yeah, thank you all. Really thank you. :twilightsmile:

Hello

I say, "Excuse me, but do you happen to speak English?"

"Uhh ha ha ha..." Is all that comes out of your mouth as you look back up into the purple unicorn's eyes. Your face shows how obviously nervous you are. "Excuse me, but do you happen to speak English?" You have no idea why you asked a pony that question, but the book it was holding was in English so you figured why the hell not. Surprisingly, the unicorn giggles at you before responding.

"*Giggle... Of course I can speak English," It says to you in an obviously girly voice. Given the circumstances you are forced to conclude that this unicorn is female. At this you are stunned, here you are suddenly waking up with this purple unicorn standing over you, and now you find out that not only does it use magic, but it talks.

"Uhh.... Hi," You say to her in a way that doesn't sound any less nervous than before.

"Hello," She replies to you as she leans in closer. "I'm Twilight Sparkle." She says to you in a voice that you can only describe as 'downright sultry'

your face shows how nervous you are.

"if you plan to do anything sexual, at least be gentle!" you squeeze your eyes shut, awaiting the bittersweet embrace.

"Uhh...." You begin to say. "If you plan to do anything sexual, at least be gentle!" You say to her as you close your eyes. At this, she simply giggles again. For whatever reason she sounds kind of cute when she giggles. Hell if she weren't obviously a horse you might find that voice a little sexy.

"I'm sorry, but one does not simply ask the prized student of Princess Celestia to be gentle."

Yell "I need an adult" over and over again.

"I NEED AN ADULT!!!" You scream at the top of your lungs.

"I am an adult," Twilight replies to you as she leans in closer.

Step1: Pretend to have a seizure. Twilight will be confused and step back as you writhe in fake agony.

Step2: You have now completely caught Twilight off guard. Throw the book, which will assist in distracting Twilight, and run to jesus for help.

Step3: Repent and thou shalt be saved.

Step4: Jesus says you're going to hell. Roll up into a ball and cry as Twilight drags you into her tree house for some hot man on mare action.

Step5: Sell baby human/pony half breeds to a circus.

Step6: ???

Step7: Profit.

With the situation now dire you're left with only one option. EXECUTE NATURAL DEFENSE MECHANISM!!!!

Unfortunately your natural defense mechanism at this moment seems to be 'pretend to have a seizure' so that's what you do. You start off slow at first, but then after a moment you start shaking on the ground uncontrollably. Twilight just giggles in that cute voice of hers at you again.

"Silly human, that's not going to work on me." Suddenly, her horn glows again and you can feel your head and arms become enveloped in a magenta glow. Without much effort at all, Twilight presses your head into the ground and pulls your arms away from you to restrain you.

crinkle or rip a page of the book and watch as twilights OCD takes hold

"RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sudden and unexplainable sound catches both of you off guard. Strangely enough, the unicorn who calls herself 'Twilight Sparkle' seems to have released her magical hold on you. You open your eyes and look up at her face again, its not the same as it was before.

Her face looked like it was frozen in absolute shock. Her sultry smile was gone and was replaced by a sort of frown that made her mouth look incredibly small. Her giant anime eyes were open as wide as they could possible be, though they seemed to be fighting their eyelids so they could open wider. Her anime eye pupils had shrunk down to pinpricks, no larger than the head of a needle.

'Whatever happened must have really flipped her off' your Crispin Freeman inner monologue says.

Its only then that you notice a piece of paper lying on your chest. You can't see quite what it is, but you can tell there are quite a lot of words on it as well as an erotic drawing. You then look over to your right hand. In it is the Pony Sutra, but you can obviously see that a page has been ripped from it. You look back at the page, then at the book, and then back at Twilight. She still has the same shocked look on her face as before, but now her left eye is twitching. Twitching frantically you might add.

What do you do?

Run Away

I call bullshit! Fake seizures ALWAYS work for me! I demand MOAR!

P.S Tell her that book ripping is the natural form of intercourse for your species. Automatic turn off.

PLAN B:

Step 1: Explain to Twilight that book ripping is the natural form of intercourse among your people.

Step 2: She will completely turned off and leave. You can actually pick yourself up off the god forsaken ground.

Step 3: Revel in victory as your virginity has been saved. Nerd...

....

That is by FAR the stupidest idea you have ever come up with since you got here, and you once ate a whole cup of raw cinnamon just to show your friends that you could. Her eye starts twitching a bit more frantically now.

Look back at her carefully, and in your most soothing voice say the following.

"Now, I'm terribly sorry about the damage to your book. How about you let me up, we both go to a store and get some tape or other mending equipment and fix this. After that, we can both sit down, maybe have some tea, and discuss how I got here and exactly why you were hanging over me with said book. Sound good?"

At this time, praying inwardly for your continued health is highly recommended.

Since you can clearly see that she is about to (or rather is currently) loose her marbles. You take a deep breath and compose yourself. If nothing else, at least you try to apologize.

"Now, I'm terribly sorry about the damage to your book," you say to her. "How about you let me up, we both go to a store and get some tape or other mending equipment and fix this. After that, we can both sit down, maybe have some tea, and discuss how I got here and exactly why you were hanging over me with said book. Sound good?" No response, and her mouth begins twitching too along with her eye. Its starting to look like she is about to have a seizure.

Call Odahviing to come save your ass.

Okay you will admit that you have three maxed out characters in Skyrim and you are not ashamed to admit that you did put a lot of work into them. However, even you realize the difference between calling a dragon to save your ass in a videogame vs calling a dragon to save your ass in the real world. Namely that dragons don't exist. Even if they did the odds of one being named Odahviing are well over a million to one and even if there was one named that he more than likely wouldn't obey you much less save your ass if you needed to. Plus, if you were to call him in this situation he'd probably laugh at you endlessly. How dragons are capable of laughing you have no idea.

Twilight's head begins to twitch as well. She looks like she's tweaking.

First pray to god, second cry like a little girl, then hope for the best.

With no other options left you close your eyes and begin to silently pray to god. Also you cry like a little girl for some reason. You pray to god as best you can. You apologize for all the things you've done. Sure you are a bawller boss but even ballwer bosses are not immune from sin. You repent over and over again in your head and pray for him to hear you. To at least give you some idea of what to do in this situation.

Tickle her..

...until her death

you reach up and tickle the bah-jeesus outta her!

...

....

...

.....

...

Okay.

Without pause you drop the book and reach up with both your hands. You grab her sides right under where her front legs meet her torso and begin to tickle her. At first there's no response, and any frantic hope you have that this will work (why you had frantic hope this would work you have no idea. That seems to be a reoccurring theme since you got here) leaves you like water going down a drain.

Suddenly... against all hope.... what little there was. A smile suddenly forms on Twilight's face. Seeing this you redouble your efforts and tickle her even harder. You even reach up and start tickling behind her ears while your other hand moves down her belly.

She fights it at first, but then eventually she bursts into full on laughter. Apparently you are doing a good job. And again with that voice of her's if it wasn't on a pony it would be somewhat cute to you.

Get up, trip her, and run behind Apple Jack's stand, making her swear not to say a word.

You have her right where you want her now. With one swift motion you toss your legs to the side and trip her out from under you. Quickly you roll onto your feet and get back up.

FUCKING RUN!

Get the flip out of dodge!

Back on your feet again you channel The Knights of the Round Table as best as you can and bolt off in a random direction like Usain Bolt. Granted you have no idea where you are so you really have no idea where you are running either.

"HEY!" You hear a voice belonging to a certain purple unicorn behind you. "GET BACK HERE!!!" She begins to give chase, but you don't look back.

-Eventually-

Eventually you run into what you can only assume is the town market. In the short time that you've been running you could tell that this was a tiny, yet 'quiet' little village.

There are more horses in the town. All of them different colors and all of them look strangely anime like to you. Also all of them are staring at you. You can't really blame them for that though. If you were out one day and saw a member of an alien species you've never seen before running through the streets without any pants then you'd probably stare too.

As you run through the market your eye catches sight of an apple stand being run by an orange horse with apples on her rump. That was another thing you'd noticed about these horses as you ran through the town, they all had these weird marks on their rumps. You wondered to yourself what Twilight's mark would be, but something also tells you you don't want to stick around to find out. Anyway, you make a beeline straight for the apple stand.

"What in tarnation!" you hear the orange horse say in what sounds like a southern accent as you approach.

To forever you will never be sure how you did this, but without stopping you leapt over the apple stand right with a lead that even you would be jealous of normally and went straight through it. The orange horse ducked as you flew right over her. Now that you were behind the apple stand. You shove the orange horse out the way and crunch up right behind it.

"What in..."

"Please let me hide here!" You say to her?

"What in the hay is goin on!? Who are yah, or ratha what are yah?"

"There's no time to explain!" You tell her. "Please just let me hide here and swear not to say a word!"

"Why would Ah..."

"APPLEJACK!!!" You hear the voice of a certain purple unicorn named Twilight Sparkle shout from behind the stand. In panic, you crunch up even more and give the orange horse a pleading look.

What do you do?

Author's Note

Current distractions: Metal Gear Rising Revengence

So yeah. Also just cause I don't respond to your comments doesn't mean I don't read them. Seriously some of these are f***ing funny. Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

Apples Attack

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Try and dig a tunnel away from Ponyville.

DIG A HOLE. DIG A HOLE TO HIDE IN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!!

And if you get caught, begin pelting every living being with apples! Lots and lots of apples!

umm put on a dwarf outfit and start to dig while whistling the diggy diggy hole song and say you name is honeydew

Plan A: Dig an escape tunnel

Unfortunately you have no objects with which to dig your way out of this place. Also you're quite certain that even if you did you wouldn't nearly be able to dig fast enough to escape the wrath of Twilight Sparkle. Its not like you spent your life digging holes for a living so yeah that option is out. Also there is no way in any hell that you are going to use your own hands to start digging. Not only would that be incredibly difficult to do and take an incredibly long time, but it will also hurt due to your fingernails coming off. Yes that does happen.

Your only option at this point is to reason with the orange horse running the apple stand.

Tell Applejack you help her with "bucking" later if she manages to get Twilight away.

OR

Tell AJ if she helps you, you in return will help her to the best of your abilities, which is not answering questions about your appearance.

"if you let me stay, i......i'll work for you, for cheap! seriously, i'll live off apples for a month if it means i can get away!" you're reduced to groveling at the hooves of a sentient orange pony. how undignified, and yet needed at the same time.

"Please just stay quiet!" You tell her as quietly yet as urgently as you possibly can in this situation. "I'll make it up to you. I'll do whatever you want. Just please let me hide here!"

"Who or for that matter what in the hay even are you?" She asks you not in any way quietly.

"if you let me stay, I......" You begin to say. "I'll work for you, for cheap! seriously, I'll live off apples for a month if it means i can get away!"

"I don't even know who or what ya'll are. Why would Ah..."

"APPLEJACK WHERE IS HE!!!???" You hear the voice of what is unmistakably Twilight Sparkle say. ""I KNOW HE CAME THROUGH HERE!!!" She sounds much closer than before.

Offer to buy every single last apple off her farm if she let's you hide there.

The thought occurs to you to try and bribe the orange pony by saying that you'll buy all her apples from her. Unfortunately, partly because of your lack of pants. You don't have any money on you. Hell you don't even know what money is in this world.

Plan B: offer knowledge and wisdom in exchange for you life and virginity

You tell Applejack that you know the secrets of the universe, and if she helps you, you will answer any one question. Except for why you aren't wearing any pants.

"PLEASE!" You say to her. "I'll tell you the secrets of the universe! Anything you want to know I-"

"Get the buck out of mah stand!" She replies, obvious frustration with this whole thing in her voice. Yeah you had no idea why that would work.

Hind Solid Snake style.

Unfortunately you don't know how to hind Solid Snake style. You're pretty sure that 'hind' is another term of a type of helicopter.

"Well it's obvious, isn't it? Here you are, seated behind a veritable plethora of ammunition! It's time to OPEN FIRE!! Grabbing as many apples as you can, you begin to hurl the fruits at high velocity towards your purple nemesis. 'Hah! Take that, ya purple freak!' you yell triumphantly as several red fruits hit their mark, causing Twilight to sputter and stumble."

With no other options left, and no help coming from the orange horse. You do the one thing that you've up to this point been saving as a last resort. Quickly you push her out of the way and get back up. Thinking quickly, you grab an apple and throw it at Twilight's face. Without wasting a second you grab as many of them as you can and start throwing them.

Unfortunately, you forgot that Twilight is a unicorn and in her apparent adrenaline rush she catches them all with what you can only assume is her magic. Since they all stop in mid air and get grabbed in this magenta glow right before they hit her. They all float in mid air for a second before the glow around them stops and they all falls towards the ground, revealing Twilight's "I am a destroyer of worlds" face. With you in her sight she runs right towards you.

Throw an apple at another nearby stand hopefully causing it to lose its supplies and cause a big enough distraction then run like hell and hide in one of the multiple alleys in town.

Thinking quickly, you look around at the other stands. When all hope seems lost you notice that one of them has stacked up its merchandise rather poorly. Taking careful aim, you grab one last apple and throw it at the pile. Time slows for you as you cross your fingers and hope this works.

It does, the apple hits the pile of merchandise causing all of it to fall over, which also causes the stand to fall over for some reason. At the sight of this, every technicolor horse in the area screams and starts to panic. From there they all start running rampantly through the streets screaming at the top of their lungs. You're also pretty sure you hear one of them scream "THE END IS NEIGH!!!"

Look at Applejack and mouth the words "Please forgive me." Then proceed to grab and flip the entire apple cart over to try and halt Twilight's charge towards you and make your dashing escape.

"I'm sorry," you say to the orange pony, whose just been staring at you this whole time, mouth agape. With Twilight still darting towards you through the crowd of panicking horses, you grab the apple stand with both hands and flip it over. You timed it perfectly, just as Twilight is about to reach you a basket of apples falls on her and stops her from moving.

And if all else fails, FUCKING RUN!

With her temporarily distracted. You bolt like you've never bolted before and run the fuck away from here.

The apple basket explodes as Twilight gets back up and looks around. The look on her face suggests that she is ready to end you and all that you know. Unfortunately for her, the technicolor horses all around her are running about in panic. As a result she can't see through the crowd. Even Applejack is having a hard time finding you and finding out what just happened.

Twilight just looks to her friend Applejack, who in turn just looks right back at her. Twilight calms herself down for a moment to catch her breath. Applejack on the other hand, puts a determined look on her face. Seeing this, Twilight nods at her, and Applejack nods right back.

-Elsewhere-

With the crowd of ponies as a distraction you run out of the market and back into the town proper. You run into an alleyway between two houses to stop and catch your breath. Luckily there is a box here you can hide behind. You seemed to have escaped Twilight for now. However, that still leaves the matter of where to go from here. In this place, you do kind of stand out. As much as a human without and pants would stand out in a world of technicolor ponies. You don't know why but you're gonna start calling them ponies now.

"Hey!" you hear another voice call out. Its not one you recognize. "Hey human!" You hear it call out again.

Your curiosity getting the better of you, you peek up over the box to see a mint green unicorn with a golden lyre on her rump standing in the doorway of one the houses directly across the street from you. She's looking right at you. Not only that but she's waving her hoof towards where she is in a manner that practically says 'Come on! Get inside!' without actually saying it.

What do you do?

Meet Lyra

Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.

Can't possibly be worse than facing the lavender purple destroyer of worlds.

So go on inside!

I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

I get my ass over there as fast as I can. Any port in a storm, right?

He runs in, tackling her inside her home, shutting and locking the door behind her and says "I will give you 10 minutes to do whatever you want with my hands other than mutilating them or removing them from my body to put onto yours if you hide me from Twilight and Applejack and help me find a pair of pants. Or at the very least a stylish enough skirt to be able to pass it off as a kilt."

Step 1: Run into her house and begin kissing her hooves in thanks.

Step 2: Compliment her selection of wallpaper.

Step 3: While she says "thank you" in response grab a banana and demand that she tell you her name

Hey atleast you remembered your manners

well if you dont go in, twilight is likely to find you and rape you in which you lose both your virginity and dignity as a man.

Pony who knows what you are? Seems trustworthy. Go inside.

Accept help if she assure me I'll live to see the sunshine.

Run inside and ask for a pair of pants. Well, at least something that could pass off as pants. Hide until Twilight Sparkle leaves. Thank the pony for allowing you to hide. Then leave, hoping against hope himself that no one notices you.

run inside, and hope she doesn't plan on molesting you, although you're too worried to care at this moment, any shelter is better than none, right? right!?

Run inside then show your appreciation

Quickly Run inside and find some pants to put on. Lyra is bound to have some right?

Your inner Admiral Ackbar yells "ITS A TRAP!" But you ignore it and go inside anyway.

I got nothing other than accept her offer.

"The fact that this pony actually knows what you are speaks for itself; get into the safehouse!! Flee the oncoming storm! Graciously accept her hospitality, and if she is in fact trying to do something...unsavory to you, it can't POSSIBLY be worse than the combined wrath of Twilight Sparkle and Applejack."

Go inside Lyra's house. When Lyra inevitably starts going on a human obsessed rant, agree with all her requests and demands.

Go into the house and try to befriend the unicorn, when the inevitable happens you're going to need someone for backup.

At this point it is safe to assume that the vote is unanimous. With no other options left to do you have to make your way across the street to her house. But how to go about it without any other ponies noticing you?

You remove the lid of the box, and place it over yourself. Now hidden, you slowly make your way towards the new unicorn.

Assuming you still have apples you should go in with her. If push comes to shove use the fruit for self defense and/or as intimidation. Then use a cardboard box to solid snake away.

OF COURSE! Now you remember what you meant by "hind solid snake style." Of course you still know that hind is another term for a type of helicopter but you get the idea.

Carefully so as not to attract attention, you slowly remove the lid of the box you're hiding behind only to see that it is empty. Perfect! You carefully flip the box over and hide yourself under it, just like Solid Snake would. Unfortunately there isn't a hole in the box for you to see out of, so you'll just have to rely on your instincts. Slowly and stealthily, you move forward out in the street again with the box over you. Just like Solid Snake would.

A few moments later, after you've slowly walked across the street, stopping every once in a while to avoid suspicion. If there's one thing you learned from the Metal Gear Solid games its that while the box is one of the best sneaking methods available, its not foolproof, and most enemies take exception to seeing a moving box. With that in mind, you move slowly and stop every once in a while to avoid suspicion.

Eventually, you lift the box up a little bit to see where you are. Thankfully, the house and the mind green unicorn are less than a few feet away from you. Seriously you could reach out and touch them. She slides out of the way of the door as if to let you in.

You need no further incentive, you flip the box up over your head and leap through the door like its your last leap for freedom, which it very well may be. The second you get through the door, the mint green unicorn quickly shuts the door and locks it. You made it.

Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.

I'm with the guy below me

Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.

The mint green unicorn lets out a sigh of relief as she closes the door behind you. You don't even waste a second and give her a tackle hug which takes you both to the ground.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!" You say over and over again as you hug her like you would a teddy bear. As you're saying this, you hear from her what you can only describe as a "fangirl squeal."

Eventually, you let go of her and get back up, as does she. As she looks up at you, you see a sparkle in her eyes like she's discovered the mother load. She also has a huge smile on her face, but its not the same as Twilight's.

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!" She says to you in an excited tone as she looks you up and down. Then out of nowhere she starts bouncing around you, yes bouncing. "A human! A real life human! I can't believe I've finally met a real life human!" Whoever she is, she seems excited about you, if only for the fact that you're a human. After her second lap around you she stops in front of you and grabs your right hand with both her forehooves and begins to shake it furiously. "My name's Lyra Heartstrings. And I am so so so so so so so so so so happy to meet you!" She adds another fangirl like squeal at the end there as she keeps shaking your hand. Seriously she's shaking it so furiously you think it might come right off.

After a few moments of furious shaking though, she stops and looks at your right hand, which she's still holding between her hooves.

"Ooooooooooo," she says as she eyes it closely. The way she seems to be looking at it is a little weird, so you pull your hand back. That doesn't stop her though, she just looks back up at you with that same gleeful look. Out of nowhere, she begins bombarding you with questions.

"Where are you from? What's the human world like? I hear you have carriages that move on their own, do you have one? What do you humans do? Do you have ponies in your world? What sorts of things do you do with your hands? How do you..."

"Woah woah woah..." You politely cut her off as she rapidly fires off one question after another. After you speak, she stops and looks up at you with a curious look on her face. She looks kind of disappointed. You decide you don't want to be rude to this pony, especially after she went out of your way to help you. So you politely explain that you have no idea how you got here or what is going on. You really have no idea what is going on.

"Oh," she replies as she takes all that in. She's still not taking her gaze off of you. Suddenly, you get an idea.

"Tell you what," you say to her. "If you help me answer my questions I'll answer whatever questions you want about the human world." Suddenly, the gleeful look on her face returns.

"Deal!" She says as she walks on over to her couch. You follow her. She hops up on her couch and sits on it in a similar manner to the way you would. Which is kind of strange since she is a pony, but you don't think much of it. You sit down next to her in the same way.

"What do you want to know?" She asks you.

This is perfect, not only have you found shelter from the insane pony chasing you, but you found a unicorn who is willing to answer whatever questions you may have.

What do you ask her?

Author's Note

Also to answer comments like this.

Again, the character would know who all of these ponies are, he was on fimfiction.net, he's obviously a brony.

All I said was that he was on fimfiction, I never said he was a brony. :pinkiehappy:

Plus, its funnier this way when he doesn't know anything and has to figure it out himself. At least that's how I see it. So yeah.

Lyra answers your questions

And now back to the show

Got any Human clothing I can wear?

Can you make me some pants?

And do you have any pants perhaps?

Do you have pants I can wear, Miss Heartstrings?

Does she have anything to help cover your junk like pants or something you could make into a stylish kilt or toga? If she does you say you will pet her with your ever so amazing hands if she was to give you said item.

"Do you have any pants?"

Do you have pants?

clothes

ASK FOR PANTS.

First things first, ask her for some pants

Do you have any pants?

Pants would be nice

Got any pants I can wear?

first, ask for some f***ing pants, you look like a jackass running around with no pants on.

"Okay first off I want some pants

Do you have any pants?

2.You wouldn't happen to have any pants would you?

Given the circumstances you decide to ask the most obvious question first.

"By any chance," You begin to ask. "You wouldn't happen to have a pair of pants I could borrow would you?"

"Pants?" Lyra responds, looking somewhat confused. Then she looks downwards. You notice that she's keeping her eyes on your nether regions a bit longer than she should.

Ask her to stop ogling you, she is obvoulsy obsessed with humans. It doesnt help that your nekked

"Umm," you say to her.

"Huh?" Her attention suddenly breaks from your and looks back up at you. "Oh, right. One second." She says as she hops off the couch and walks into another room. You then hear her climb up some stairs.

3 (and most importantly) where are my pants?

You actually already know the answer to this question. You never wear pants when you sleep so when you go to sleep without pants it stands that you will wake up without pants. Its simple logic really.

After a few short moments, you hear Lyra come back down the stairs. When she comes back you see floating next to her and encased in a sort of golden glow is a pair of folded up, tan colored pants.

"Here you go," Lyra says to you as she gently puts the pants down on your lap. "They're meant for ponies so I don't know if they'll fit you, but they're large so they might." She says as she plops herself back on the couch.

"Thank you," You say to her as you grab the pants and stand back up. They are a bit small, its kind of like squeezing into a size small pair of pants, but more or less they do fit you. Also since they are meant for ponies they just barely go past your knees. Regardless of that though, your first mission has been accomplished. You have found pants.

If she does you say you will pet her with your ever so amazing hands if she was to give you said item.

start petting her! if she asks, just tell her that too darn cute and adorable!

"Thanks," you say again as you reach over and start petting her. You get behind her ears and on the back of her neck like you would a dog. It just seems like the proper way to do it. As you pet her, you notice Lyra close her eyes and let out a light moan as she feels your hands on her. She looks relaxed. At this point you can't help but notice how damned adorable she looks. Maybe its because she's not trying to kill or violate you but she looks much cuter than Twilight or Applejack.

5.She seems to be enjoying the petting a little too much, you think she may have a hand fetish. may want to stop now.

After a moment you then pull your hand back. She looks back at you with a disappointed look on her face. You don't let it bother you though. You still have more questions you want to ask her.

"Okay, now that that's taken care of. First thing's first." You say to her.

You ask "Do you know where in the world Carmen Sandiego- I mean, I am?"

Where am I and how do I get home?

1 Where the flying tits am I?

2 How did i get here?

"Where in the flying tits is Carmen Sandiego.... I mean am I, how did I get here and how do I get home?"

"You're in Equestria," Lyra responds, her enthusiasm suddenly back. "More specifically you're in the town of Ponyville, which is just below the mountain where the city of Canterlot is." Its just then that you start to notice the insane amount of horse puns in that sentence. "As far as how you got here and how you get home though, I have no idea. Sorry." She looks up at you with a pleading look as she says that. You can't really blame her though, its not like you expected her to know everything. After all, she's just another pony.

"Its all right," you say to her as you pet her again to lighten the mood a little. She really seems to enjoy your petting. Still, you pull your hand back again, you aren't done here yet.

Why are you so interested in humans? I've got to know why!

Why are you so curious about humans? How do you know about humans?

how do you know what a human is?

"How the hell do you know about humans, and why are you so interested in them?" You ask her.

"I've been studying human mythology my whole life!" She says to you, suddenly sounding way more enthusiastic than she's ever been in the short time you've known her.

"Mythology?" you respond.

"Yeah, everypony says human's aren't real but I'll show em. I'll prove to them that humans do exist!" She says as she slams one hoof into the other in a similar manner to when one would slam their fist into the other other hand. She then looks back up at you with a bright look in her eyes. "And now that you're here I can prove that humans exist!" She says rather loudly as she leans in closer to you.

"Yeah, yeah," you respond to her with a wave of your hand. "We'll get to that later, but still..." You could have ended this topic of conversation, but there was still one last question on your mind about this.

2) How the hell do you know what I am? Was there some kind of epic final war between the humans and the ponies that resulted in our extinction and now the dominant species is said ponies, of which you are one of the few fascinated with us?

"How the hell do you even know what a human is?" You ask her. "Was there some kind of epic final war between the humans and the ponies that resulted in our extinction and now the dominant specials is said ponies, of which you are one of the few fascinated with us." You ask her. The look she gives is one that suggests that you asked her something in a foreign language.

"Not.... that I.... know of," she replies before she brings a hoof to her chin. "Unless those bastards in Canterlot are trying to cover it up. I've got to look into this further." Great, not only have you found a pony that's kind of on par with people who are obsessed with aliens from your world, but she's also a conspiracy nut.

Still, your line of inquiry is not done yet.

Is that purple pony always that crazy?

What can you tell me about the purple pony that was chasing me? I'm not going to lie... she sort of scares me a little.

Why is Twilight trying to rape me.

Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?

Why is the purple unicorn trying to rape me?

Second, get some info about the purple unicorn and orange pony you pissed off.

"Why was that purple unicorn trying to rape me and why did she freak out when I ripped her book?" Also ask for a sheet or something to make a toga.

Second Why am I trying to be raped by a purple psycho?

Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?

Why is the destroyer of worlds trying to rape me?

"What can you tell me about that purple unicorn chasing me?" You ask her. "I'm not gonna lie, she sort of scares me a little."

"You mean Twilight Sparkle?" Lyra asks you. To which you only nod. "She's the personal student of our leader Princess Celestia and the element of magic. She's arguably one of the most powerful magic users in all of Equestria." You decide not to ask what she means by the 'element of magic' as you have far more pressing concerns.

"Is she always that insane?" you ask her.

"No, not really. Then again I don't talk to her much so I wouldn't..."

"Why the hell did she freak out when I ripped her book?"

"You ripped her book?" Lyra asks you, suddenly interested.

"It was an accident!" You say.

"Well... she is kind of obsessed with books. She does work in the library after all." Great, you've got some information on her, but still doesn't answer the most important question. Its not really one you wanted to or ever though you'd ask, but you decide to just gut it out and say it.

"Why the hell is she trying to rape me?" You ask Lyra.

"Rape you!?" She replies, kind of shocked that you even suggested that. You sigh and explain how when you woke up here you found her standing over you with the copy of the 'Pony Sutra' with her and a lascivious grin on her face. Lyra's face reddens a bit from your explanation and after a few moments of silence she tries to speak.

"Umm.... well.... I.... I don't know. Like I said I don't really talk to her all that much so I have no idea." She replies somewhat nervously.

"Wait..." you say as a sudden realization hits you like a ton of bricks to the face. You were obviously able to discern that she helped you because you're a human and she's clearly obsessed with humans like some humans are clearly obsessed with aliens, but still, given the circumstances. You nervously look at her

You're not going to rape me,,,are you?

,,,are you?!

are you going to try to rape me like the purple one?

4.You aren't going to try and rape me are you?.... are you?!

"You're not... going to..." You nervously begin to ask her.

"What!" She replies as her face turns even redder than before and she puts on a look of utter shock and disgust that you even would suggest such a thing. "No! Oh Celestia no!"

"OH THANK GOD!" You say with an enormous sense of relief. "For a second there I thought the only reason you helped me was bec...."

"Unless you want me to," she says out of god damn nowhere. You look back at her to see that while her face is still a little red, she has a sly grin on her face now.

"Umm...." is all you can say.

"I'm just kidding," she replies. "Besides, even if I wanted to I can clearly tell that you're a guy."

"Why is that...?"

"I'm a lesbian," she says out of fucking nowhere. You're actually kind of surprised to hear that, you didn't think that these ponies would be like that. Not that you have a problem with it by any means, it just comes as kind of surprise. What surprises you even more is that she can say that so casually. So basically at this point your fate is in the hands.... hooves, of a lesbian conspiracy theorist who is obsessed with aliens... Meh, could be worse. You're not about to hold any of that against her.

Ask her about if they can mate.

"Can ponies and humans even mate?" You ask her. The question seems relevant right now.

"I don't think so," she replies. "Different species and all. I'm not entirely sure." She looks back up at you to see your nervous expression return a bit. "I'm not about to test it out on you though." She replies with a smile. At this you finally exhale the breath you didn't even realize you'd been holding in. Now that that's out of the way, now for the most important questions.

And besides you're getting off topic here.

Can you hide me from the insane purple unicorn?

How safe are we here?

"Can you hide me from her?" You ask her. Lyra only looks back up at you confused. "From Twilight Sparkle." You say to clarify.

"Oh, right." She says. "Yeah you can stay here." She replies rather calmly.

"How safe are we here?"

"There's a basement down below. You can hide there if things get to crazy. Unless she starts tearing apart the houses to find you, but I don't think she'll do that." As secure as that makes you feel, you still feel a bit uneasy.

Ask her where you might retrieve a Hind helicopter so you can fly it Solid Snake style

"You wouldn't happen to have any idea where I might retrieve a hind helicopter so I can fly out of here would you?" You ask her. Man you've been feeling more and more like Solid Snake ever since you got here.

"What's a hind helicopter?" She asks.

"Nevermind," you reply. Figures she wouldn't know what that is.

Also do you have anything i can use to get twilight the world eater of my back?

1) You wouldn't happen to have some kind of magically amplified weapon that I could use to defend myself against the crazy purple one in the event that I run into her again, do you?

"Look, I know this might be a shot in the dark, but..." You say to her. "You wouldn't happen to have some kind of magically amplified weapon or anything similar that I could use to defend myself against her in the even that I happen to run into her again, would you?" You ask her.

"Sorry," she says again. "I'm a musician not a mage. Besides, nopony in Ponyville owns a weapon." You find that statement a little hard to believe, but still it does make sense that she wouldn't have one. At that, you just sigh to yourself and assess the situation.

Basically, at the moment, your fate is in the hooves of a lesbian musician conspiracy theorist who is obsessed with aliens. There are worse situations to be in, and she seems friendly enough. Still, you do have on last question, and its only question you can really ask when in a situation like this.

Wanna get high

"Wanna get high?" You ask her. She doesn't respond, she just looks up at you with a look on her face that you can't quite distinguish. It looks kind of deadpan. Then suddenly her smile returns, and the next words out of her mouth are ones that you never expected to hear here.

"Sure," she says with some enthusiasm. You honestly were not expecting that. "Give me a minute." She says as she hops off the couch again. You stay put as you watch her leave and hear her go back up the stairs again. She's gone for a moment longer than before, but when she returns you can honestly say that you honestly did not expect to see this at all.

Floating next to her as she walks back into the room is to your great surprise, a large, mint green and purple bong as well as a large bag of a grass like substance. There are at least fifteen different things you could guess that it is, but you're pretty sure that you know. What really shocks you though, is how large the bag is. Seriously its huge, its almost as big as her head. She puts on a sly grin as she sees you looking at the bag.

Without saying a word, she walks back over and hops back on the couch. She then magically sets down the bong and the bag onto the table in front of you. You never take your eyes off of them the whole time. You look back up at her to see she's looking up at you with a sort of smug grin.

Well now this situation seems to have gotten a bit better. You see her horn glow again as you see her open the bag, but as she does, the front door suddenly starts to unlock itself, then just as suddenly it opens.

Just as you are about to ask her something.... Bon Bon walks into the room....

"Lyra I'm ho...." You see another pony walk into the house. This pony unlike Lyra is not a unicorn and is sort of a cream like color. Her mane appears to be split between blue and pink in color, with both colors taking up even space on her mane and tail.

The second she enters the house, she stops. She stops dead in her tracks and looks right at you. You can see her anime eyes shrink down to the size of microbes. The look on her face is one that suggest that she is looking at something so impossible that her brain is imploding upon itself.

"Hey Bon Bon," Lyra says to her just as cheerfully as ever. "He's a human!" She says as if she's unaware of the state her friend was in.

The pony named Bon Bon never takes her gaze off of you. She looks like she's been hit with an insta-freeze ray. She's not even blinking.

What do you do?

Author's Note

Also to answer this question

any chance you can make the Chapters longer?

More than likely no. I'm a very busy person (college is a harsh mistress) and I do have things to do outside of this. These chapters are just things I throw together when I get home before I really have to start me work so yeah.

If I could, I might make them longer but I do have things to do so yeah.

Thanks for understanding. :twilightsmile:

Meet Bon Bon

Staring contest with frozen Bonbon in 3...2...1...GO!

Your eyes never leave her's and she never blinks, and neither do you. It truly is a battle of epics. Man against pony, will against will, Holmes vs Moriarty, The Doctor vs The Master, Simon vs Lord Genome, Connor Macleod vs The Kurgen, King Arthur vs The Black Knight, Neo vs Agent Smith, Jotaro Kujo vs Dio Brando. NONE OF THEM COMPARE TO THIS!!!

THE GREATEST STRUGGLE IN ALL YOUR LIFE AND INDEED ALL OF EXISTENCE IS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah you gotta do something more than this.

Go up to her and say "Hi" with your best Mr. Popo impression.

You don't move from where you are, but being the polite gentlemen that you are, you feel as if it would be best to introduce yourself.

"Hi," you say to her as politely as you can. Still, she doesn't move. Seriously its like she really is frozen.

creep bon-bon the fuck out. thats gotta be fun

Shout odd things to have her think you don't exist, then run toward the basement door, open the door, get down the steps, lie on the floor then walk the dinosaur. With that done go back up stairs sit down next to Lyra while continue getting high/ watching Bon Bon's mind process what just happened.

Step 1: Locate door to Lyra's basement.

Step 2: Open said door.

Step 3: Get on that cold, hard basement floor.

Step 4: Do the dinosaur."

Scream "THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!" in the most guilty way possible.

Okay now you're starting to panic a little. You have no idea what this pony could do and you can clearly see that her mental condition is unstable. Worst might come to worst here. Then suddenly, you remember something Lyra told you in the previous chapter. She has a basement.

"THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" You instinctively yell at the top of your lungs before you quickly jump up off the couch and bolt for the basement. You run with a speed that could rival The Flash. Even Lyra is surprised by how fast you ran.

Miraculously enough, you find Lyra's basement and run on into it. Without hesitation you open the door and run down the stairs.

You reach the basement.

You get on the cold, hard, basement floor.

And you walk the dinosaur.

Yeah how is this helping?

Then suddenly, from above the stairs you hear the sound of a door shutting.

Say "Close the door you're letting in a draft, and you might let in Twilight" if she is about to get angry offer her a milk dud that you pulled from the ether.

CLOSE THE DOOR YOUR LETTING IN TWILIGHGT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly you remember that there are more important matters at hoof.... hand. Even though you are on the floor in Lyra's basement walking the dinosaur, there is still an insane purple unicorn out there looking for you, and Bon Bon just opened the door. You look back up the stairs only to notice that you didn't close the door to the basement on your way down here. You must have really wanted to walk the dinosaur.

Channeling your inner Flash once again, you run back up the stairs to Lyra's living room to tell Bon Bon off and hopefully close the door again before its too late. Yeah in retrospect walking the dinosaur was a waste of time.

When you get back up the stairs and reach Lyra's living room, you're about to open your mouth to tell Bon Bon off when suddenly the image before you cuts out any words you may have said.

Bon Bon, still as still as ever, is standing only a few feet to the right of where she was before and Lyra has just closed the door and locked it again for you. Apparently Lyra thought ahead for you. Since Bon Bon was in so much shock Lyra was apparently able to move her without waking her.

Now that you see her again, you look back into her eyes AND START ANOTHER EPIC BATTLE OF...

No no not that.

You kind of feel a little bad for her. She's just in so much shock she can't even more. You start to wonder what may be going on inside that brain of hers.

Don't be so bloody rude, ask if she wants to get high also.

thinking she's about to run... grab Bon Bon and yell to Lyra "Quick, get her high!"

"Help me with her," Lyra says to you as she walks right up next to Bon Bon. You get the message and walk right on over to her. With the combined effort of the two of you you lift her up and carry her over to the couch. Well its mostly just you carrying her, Lyra's just walking along next to you. You would have asked why Lyra isn't just using her magic, seems like that would be easier, but you decide to leave it be for now. After all you don't want to make things any more awkward. Also Bon Bon is surprisingly light for a pony, and soft too.

You set Bon Bon's rigor mortis like body down in front of the table in front of the couch. She stands up perfectly, of course she would. Also she has not blinked or moved an inch despite you carrying her. Seriously she's like a lawn ornament. A large, pony shaped lawn ornament.

Using her telekinesis, Lyra picks up the bong and the bag and with a quick application of magic, she loads it up so its ready to go. That done she puts the bag back down onto the table and brings the bong closer to her. She then lowers her head so that her horn is just about touching the grass like substance in it, and again, with a quick application of magic, you see a small flame come from her horn as she lights it. You figure that must really come in handy.

That done, Lyra then levitates the bong over to Bon Bon's face. What happens next kind of shocks you.

With the bong in front of her face, Bon Bon instantaneously breaks from her shock like state, grabs it with both her hooves, and practically presses it into her face as far as it would go. You then see her inhale... really inhale. She doesn't stop inhaling for a full twenty seconds. You know, you counted. She inhales every bit of smoke in the bong and even some that isn't in there and still she keeps going. Given that only moments ago she was frozen beyond comprehension, that transition she took was so sudden that even you, who had seen it happen, had trouble believing it.

Eventually, Bon Bon stops inhaling and pulls the bong away from her mouth. She then exhales, letting out a huge puff of smoke. She seems perfectly relaxed now.

Ask lyra if bonbon is her fuckbuddy.

"So is she your..." You begin to ask Lyra, but she cuts you off.

"Yep," Lyra says as she walks on over to her friend, whose taking deep breaths right now, and drapes a comforting right forehoof over her neck. "This is my roommate and fuckbuddy Bon Bon." She then looks over at her friend. "Bon Bon, meet..." She's about to introduce you, but then she stops. "Wait, I'm sorry what did you say your name was?"

At that you are kind of surprised, all this time you've been here and you've never thought to introduce yourself.

The three of you are all sitting on the couch, you in the middle, Lyra to your right, Bon Bon to your left, and all of you baked as all hell. Whatever Lyra had its really good stuff. There is a thick haze in the room from all the smoke. An incredibly thick haze.

"So..." Bon Bon says to you. "You're really a human?"

"Eeyup," you reply to her as Lyra takes another hit from the bong.

"And you are..."

"Running from a crazy purple unicorn whose trying to rape me. Yes," you reply. There is silence between the two of you for a moment. You grab the bong again.

Ask Bon-Bon if you could call her "Bonny."

"Hey," you ask her as you put the bong back down. "Is it okay if I call you Bonny?" You ask her, Lyra just laughs at that little nickname and picks the bong up herself with her telekinesis. Bon Bon laughs as well.

"Sure," she replies.

"Dude..." Lyra says as she puts the bong back down on the table. You and Bon Bon look at her to see a wide smile on her face. Her eyes are almost completely red and a little glazed over. "I am so bucked up right now." She says to you two as she starts laughing uncontrollably. The two of you quickly catch her laughter and start laughing yourselves as well.

"Hey Lyra," Bon Bon says to her friend as she picks up the bong.

"Yeah," Lyra replies. It takes Bon Bon a moment to respond, but eventually she puts down the bong and does.

"Remember that thing I said I'd do to you if you ever found a human?" Lyra just laughs at that.

"Yeah,"

"I'm guessing you want it now don't you," Lyra just laughs again at that.

"Oh Bonny," she says to her. "Who are you kidding. Of course I want it now." Bon Bon just throws on a sultry smile as those words hit her ears.

"Oh I'm gonna plow you into next Tuesday," Bon Bon says to her in what you can assume is the sexiest voice possible for a pony.

"Oh I bet you are," Lyra replies to her friend. This goes on for a while. Its kind of a strange situation. Here you are in another world entirely, you're in a pony's house getting high, and now you're sitting right in between her and her lesbian lover while they talk dirty to each other. They kind of say some pretty graphic things. Under normal circumstances this would be hot but... yeah these aren't normal circumstances.

So you being you, you decide to break the mood.

Then ask lyra if she has anything to eat, because you're REALLY hungry right now

"Do you guys have any food?" You ask them. Only just now do you realize how god damn hungry you are. Hell you technically haven't eaten breakfast yet. Lyra and Bon Bon just look at you strangely, as you have just interpreted their dirty talk towards each other, but they both laugh.

"Sure," Lyra replies as she hops off the couch. "I'll be right back."

"Nah you don't..." You try to be polite and insist that Lyra doesn't have to get up and you can go get it yourself, but Lyra isn't having any of that.

"Nah nah," she says to you. "You're our guest here. So that only makes it right." She then walks back over to you and pats you on the thigh with her hoof. "Now you just sit here and be a good boy and I'll be right back with some snacks." She says in kind of a strange, almost motherly tone as she walks away again towards what you assume is the kitchen.

Then she is gone, you are now alone with Bon Bon. Both of you still high as fuck.

You look down at Bon Bon and see that he has that same sultry smile on her face that she was looking at Lyra with, only now she is looking at you now.

What do you do?

Snacks

Mock a popular religion.

Given your current state of mind you would mock a popular religion right now. Unfortunately you have no idea what popular religions exist in Equestria, or if religion is even a thing here. So doing so here would be pointless.

Hey bonny, staring contest 1.2.3 GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

You looks back into Bon Bon's eyes as she looks up at you with that sultry look. Those big.... giant... anime like eyes.... You stare into them AS YOU START ANOTHER EPIC BATTLE OF....

Nope... no no nope. There will be time for epic battles of staring later. Besides you're not even sure how that is supposed to work.

As you stare at her, she inches closer to you a bit and drapes her forehooves over your thigh, kind of like how a dog would. Its at this moment that a certain realization comes over you.

You realize that Bon Bons are a food. Being in not the most clear state of mind, you ask her if she is edible.

"Hey Bon Bon," You say to her.

"Yeah," she replies.

"You aren't by any chance edible are you?" The second those words leave your mouth its only then do you realize how stupid that sounded. Hell you have no idea why you even asked that. God, you must be too damn high. Instead of getting mad though, Bon Bon just giggles to herself.

"Do you want me to be?" She asks you in an incredibly sensual way.

EPIC HUMAN/PONY THREESOME! Unlike with Twilight, this one would be consensual and thus, you are perfectly ok with it. Plus, you're so baked you don't really care that they're horses and you have hands so that's something you bring to the table.

"When Lyra gets back you want to have a threesome?" (being high as a kite takes away logical thinking)

Being high impairs judgement and sex is sex so you say:

"You, Lyra, me... we should bang."

Now while you will admit that your better judgement is at the moment impaired, and you also have to admit that these ponies are kind of adorable when they aren't trying to rape you.... or purple. Still...

Do NOT have a threesome; The whole point here is to NOT get raped by a pony. Seems a bit counter-intuitive, if you ask me.

They are still ponies. Even as you are now you can still see that. Still, the way she is looking at you.

if you value your virginity you must *boop*

her on the nose and tell her

"sorry"

"Boop," you say to her as you poke her on the nose. Almost instantaneously, her gazes moves away from your eyes and looks forward in confusion for a moment, as if not entirely sure what it was you just did. "Sorry." You say to her, thinking that you might have done something she didn't like. Instead though, her face contorts a little as she tries to hold back a giggle, but then suddenly bursts into a full on laughter. You can't help but laugh with her as well.

Your eyes slowly meet and a deafening silence resonates throughout the room. You decide to make the first move. "doo doo doo Dooh, doo doo doo Dooh, doo doo doo Dooh..." You sing, giving her a beat. "When the night... has come... and the land... is dark..." Bon Bon starts singing. Lyra comes back in during the chorus, holding a platter of sandwiches and singing at the top of her lungs "So darling, darling, stand by me, oh stand by me..." You proceed to eat and sing for the next hour or so.

After a moment of laughter your eyes meet up with hers again AND BEGIN THE NEXT no.... Instead you do something else.

"Doo doo doo dooh. Doo doo doo dooh. Doo doo doo dooh," you begin to sing to yourself. After the third line of that, Bon Bon joins in and sings with you, bobbing her head slowly in time with the beat. Eventually, you stop singing and let her keep the beat.

"Doo doo doo dooh. Doo doo doo dooh. Doo doo doo dooh," she keeps singing.

"When the night... has come...." You start singing as she keeps the beat going.