It was a bright, sunny-side-up day in the small town of Ponyville. In fact, it was a bit too sunny. Nevertheless, Applejack, always the hardworking farmer, was out in the fields tearing up chunks of grass with her teeth. After all, it was Tear-Chunks-Of-Grass-Up-With-Your-Teeth Day (as issued by Celestia).
She looked up at the bright, bright sun and wiped her forehead, congratulating herself on a half-a-day's work. Spitting grass and dirt out of her mouth (except one rock at the back that she'd named Simon and was inclined to gnaw on periodically), she looked down at her precious apple trees. All the crop was big and ripe - they'd get a great load of corn later that year.
When she heard hoofstep on the trail behind her, she turned, smiling. She was all but ready to take a break from her work, whether it be by lunch with Princess Luna, a visit from a friend, death, or all three. It turns out that it was Rarity, meaning the second slot was filled and there were only two more to go before the prophecy would be fulfilled.
"Applejack!" Rarity called, smiling and trotting towards her. "Having a good Tear-Chunks-Of-Grass-Up-With-Your-Teeth Day, I presume?"
"Never had a better one," Applejack replied in the country twang that her great-grandfather had handed down throughout the generations. It was a sacred heirloom. "Whatcha doin' up in the acres today, Rare?"
"Oh, nothing. Just finding some nice flowers for a new fabric type I've been working on and catching some flies for dinner."
Applejack shook her head. "Rarity, come on. Ya know the flies are down by the compost pile."
Rarity giggled. "Of course I do, silly pony. I've already caught enough, you know. I was speaking in the past tense."
"No, ya were speakin' in the present progressive." She clapped her hooves together, leaning back against an apple tree. "Ah know mah tenses, Rare."
"Ah, tit for tat, darling. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'm here now. And you need me."
Applejack looked up from her grass cigarrette. "... Ah don't follow."
Rarity smiled softly, coming slightly closer. "Oh, really, Applejack, there's no use denying it. I know you've been making passes at me ever since we met. And I'm positive you've... 'caught a glimpse or two'." She grinned again, her eyes flashing. "Am I right?"
"No."
Rarity took a step backwards. "Oh. Well, then, never mind. Would you like to go get something to eat?"
Applejack nodded, putting out her cigarette with a burst of magic. "Alrighty. Where?"
"Oh, I recently heard about this one exquisite place in Guadalajara with the most amazing key lime pies. We simply must go, darling; it's in the script."
"Yeah, ah was wondering where your left ear went. Where'd ya send it this time?" Applejack asked, beginning to trot back up the dirt road to the Apple Family's recently-vandalized barn.
"Why, Guadalajara, of course," Rarity replied, holding the door open for Applejack and moving her lollipop to the other side of her mouth.
"Ah. Ah guess ah ain't the smartest tool in the ocean."
Rarity followed her in. "Of course you are. Not that that's saying much."
Big Macintosh was the couch. Applejack trotted up the stairs to her room, inviting Rarity in with a sweep of the hoof. "Mah life savin's are on the top shelf in the recently-vandalized piggy bank. Take what ya need."
Rarity sighed. "Fine. Why must you always force these things on me, darling?" she whined. She poured the contents into the bed, and began searching through them, before finding a broken bit and a small, flattened toucan. She smiled to herself as she put them in her recently-installed-and-then-immediately-vandalized pockets.
"Well, that would do it," Rarity said.
"Uh... other direction. Yer talkin' to the wall."
"Oh, yes, of course. Anyways, that would do it, but I still need the hair as golden as milk and the slippers as red as milk. But I have no idea where to find them."
Suddenly, a hissing filled the room, before dissipating as quickly as it had begun. "You hungry?" Rarity asked. "Bet you haven't had lunch yet." She paused. "And I know just where to go for lunch."
"But we cain't go to Guadalajara!" Applejack said, leaning against the doorframe. "Ya ain't got all the stuff ya need yet. And ah, personally, don't wanna make no more plans for lunch."
"Darling, think about it. We can go to Guadalajara for dinner. But we need to sate that stomach of yours before another Squib hatches. Now, come on, I have a few contacts in the Ministry."
Applejack sighed as she danced through the marble halls. It was already painful enough to be in the Castle, but now she had to dance in it? How embarrassing. She hoped none of the pottery was sexually excited.
After that brief excision, she was back in the main hall, alongside Rarity, who had already donned her tattoo glasses and embossed sundress.
"Praise the sun," she whispered.
"For it is good," Rarity replied, also in whisper.
They walked into the throne room, which, at first, appeared vacant. But, upon closer inspection, Applejack heard a light hoof-tapping. She turned her gaze to the ceiling, where she saw Princess Luna, obviously frustrated, sitting on a ticking upside-down throne.
Applejack blushed heavily. It was only apparent to the mind-readers and their allies that Applejack had always thought... highly of Luna, for lack of a better word. She only took that short magic class at the College of Winterhold to impress her, but now that she saw her for the first time in about a year, she was pretty sure petty sorcery wasn't going to cut it.
Luckily, Rarity took over. "Oh, Princess Luna! I do humbly request your appearance at a luncheon we will be having."
Luna looked up at them. She smiled. "Rarity! Yes, of course We will be there. Simply name the time and place."
"Here and a few seconds ago, Princess."
Luna leaned over the picnic basket. "Sorry I'm late," she apologized as the marble column nearby began to unravel. "Oh, not again. Will somepony get that, please?" she shouted into the window:
"Only if you ask nicely," the window replied.
"Please, Window."
As the marble column un-unraveled, Applejack scooted back a bit. Being in close proximity to royalty was one thing, but being in close proximity to Luna was another. Rarity stepped in for her again. "So, what's the window's name, Princess?"
"Window."
"Of course."
Applejack decided to take this time to speak. "Yer mane looks v-very nice today, Princess."
Luna smiled affably at Applejack. "Why, thank you. I spent all morning realigning the stars."
"I ate a grapefruit."
"How was it?"
"It was good."
Rarity bit into the sandwich she wasn't supposed to have. "Mm. It's really not bad. Applejack, did you make these?"
Applejack blushed again, but the red only filled her freckles due to an animation error. "Well... yeah." She figured beforehoof that petty sorcery wouldn't cut it, so she also took a cooking class at the College of Pastryhold.
Oh, wait, wait, edit that out in post. That was terrible. Steve? Edit that out, alright? Okay, keep going.
"Where are your friends?" Luna asked.
"I'm sorry, Princess, but we must be going. I have a few things to fetch before I can roll over or shake. We're trying to get to Guadalajara," Rarity added, with a bit of a prideful flair.
"Honeymoon?"
"No," Applejack replied.
"Good," Luna said quietly, before leaning over and giving Applejack a long, soft kiss. Applejack blushed deeply again, and even moreso when she felt hooves on her neck, pulling her in closer.
She pulled away slowly, and Applejack fell back, sighing. Her Stetson almost turned into a top hat, but didn't. "Wh - wh -" she stuttered, looking into Luna's bright royal-blue eyes, twinkling like the night sky. "Does this mean we're... you know... t-together?"
Luna chuckled. "Of course not, dear subject. That's the Royal goodbye kiss, standard for two thousand years (issued by Celestia)."
Applejack looked down at her hooves, which were orange and that didn't make sense. "B-but... then, why did you say 'good' when Guadalajara wasn't for a honeymoon?"
"Oh, that's because I'm deeply enamored with you and may one day wish to have sex with you."
"Well, that makes sense."
Rarity sighed and rolled her eyes. "If you two are quite done, I believe it's time for us to get going. While you two were babbling about tomatoes and such, I was out locating the hair as golden as milk. Now all we need are the sl-"
"Wait a second or seven or thirty-five, dependin' on how long it takes me ta finish speakin', Rare. We weren't babblin' about tomatoes."
"How was I supposed to know? I was out locating the hair as golden as milk."
"Ya prove a fair point. Grab yer recently-vandalized spear and let's get goin'."
Rarity and Luna shared the Royal goodbye kiss and the pair trotted out the door, Rarity's spear (named Kilhauger, The Thwarter) bumping loosely over her shoulder. Applejack turned around to face Luna once more.
"We shall be waiting, Applejack."
"So will ah, Princess. 'Cept ah won't 'cause ah'll probably be walkin' or doin' somethin' else."
And so two-thirds of the prophecy had been fulfilled.
Applejack sighed, kicking her hooves up on the train's green velvet seat that had been recently vandalized but then cleaned because there was a picture of a penis. "What in the good name o' Quentin Tarantino are we doin' on the train, Rare?"
"I don't know who that is, darling."
"Neither do ah, honestly."
"Anyways, you and I both know to follow the bees, right?"
"Of course," Applejack replied, the basic commandment they had learned in pony kindergarten (which is an odd name because there is no pony Germany, but then so is Kilhauger so I don't care): 'always follow the bees'.
"Well, the bees and my EPS led me onto this train, so I'm assuming the train will take us to the slippers as red as milk."
Applejack sighed, looking around at the train. It was a good thing it hadn't been a plane, or Applejack would have had to skydive, whether a chute was available or not. It was a disease, they told her, but how do you fight a disease you can't see? One in your mind?
"Hold on," Rarity said, interrupting her valuable thoughts, some of which were worth more than her.
"Yes, ah do, ah love her to death. Why do you ask?"
"I didn't. Anyways, the EPS is telling me the object is moving. That means it's either infected by the chicken poxels or it's on the train..." she trailed off, silencing herself and grabbing Kilhaugen.
Applejack was about to speak, but caught Rarity's hoofmotions. Don't speak. Code alpha-red-seventeen.
She did a double take, confused. Earthworms in a van technique? That's racist.
Rarity facehoofed. Sorry, alpha-red-seventy.
My fault, ah probably misheard. Praise the sun!
For it is good. With that, the train door on the other side of the cab slid open and all was silent for a moment, other than the sounds of soft hoofstep. Applejack tensed. Had they been discovered already? She sunk further into the shadows.
There was no time for messing around. The hoofsteps came closer, but vanished instantaneously with a bright whoosh. Rarity leapt from position, carrying Kilhauger beneath her foreleg and thrusting it forwards - into nothingness.
It appears as though the Wul Clan had interfered in their business once more. Applejack's nerves pulsed. The Wul is the most obstreperous, worthless clan since clans had begun. All was silent again, and Applejack cast a minor spell that let her blend into the not-very-recently-vandalized cab wall.
Suddenly, the air burst - well, part of the air burst as the ninja fell from the ceiling. Wul ninjas were known for their natural-disturbance techniques. Rarity shot a spell at him, but it missed so it was just a warning. She lunged the spear at him thrice in rapid succession instead, and was deflected all three times because the sun was in her eyes, she twisted her ankle, and her grandmother was dead, respectively.
Applejack groaned. She so wanted to join the battle, but it was against her class. A few more minutes of clashing until there was a solid thud and Rarity fell where Applejack had become the wall. She coughed, spit blood to the side, and clambered to her hooves, tossing her head to realign her mane.
Applejack could stand it no more. She leapt from her being position, taking the ninja off-guard just long enough for Rarity to finish the job. One thrust of Kilhauger and the ninja was depleted. His body was sucked into Kilhauger, and the air wobbled around it for a second as the sounds of crunching and slurping were heard.
Rarity looked up at Applejack. "... I didn't know he did that."
The end of the spear split open, causing both mares to jump back. A hiss of steam, followed by a hiss of steam, filled the cab before two small hoof-coverings fell from it. Rarity levitated them to her pockets and smiled proudly, returning Kilhauger to her shoulder. "Thanks for your help, Applejack."
"Nah. Ya don't have ta thank me. Mah thanks comes from the key lime pie we'll be feasting on tonight."
The plane, secured with deadbolts for fear of stray skydivers, slowly began to flap its wings for takeoff. Applejack looked out at the sea through the small glass window, then across at her friends: Next to her was Luna, then Rarity, then some stallion who had the luck of sitting next to them all. Little did he know Rarity had a nervous bladder and he would be getting up and sitting down multiple times during flight.
She looked up at Luna, who smiled. "I'm glad you decided to invite me to Guadalajara with you two. I would've been upset because you interrupted my Tear-Clumps-Of-Grass-Up-With-Your-Teeth Day, but I heard the lemon merengue over there is amazing."
"It's actually the key lime, Princess," Applejack corrected her, before fiddling with her Stetson to try to keep it from turning into a top hat again.
Princess Luna said nothing, but instead leaned over and kissed Applejack slowly, once more. Applejack sighed, content, and leaned back in her seat, ignoring the whistle from the stallion at the end of the row and the sharp smack that followed. She pulled away rather soon, leaving Applejack feeling a bit empty. "What was th-that for?"
Luna sighed quietly. "It was another Royal goodbye kiss, but... less Royal."
"Goodbye? What do ya mean?"
"It means that I know what's going to happen to you this evening, and I know I may not have another chance."
Applejack's eyes widened, but not too wide because that would be comical and this is not a comical moment. "What do ya mean, somethin's gonna happen to me?"
"I don't want to go into it."
"B-but Princess... Princess Luna..." she trailed off, before grabbing onto her foreleg. "Ah don't want ta leave you yet. We just started out and... ah don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything," Luna replied, nuzzling her softly.
The rest of the plane ride was spent in silence.
"Oh, please, Miss Applejack, please try more key lime," the Guadalajaran said to her, almost begging. "I need your compliments for my low self-esteem count."
"Ah dunno, ah think ah've had enough. Mah stomach cain't handle very much more o' this."
Rarity smirked, and finished her fourth pie. "Lightweight," she muttered, drawing a hair off the tip of her tongue that was actually connected to a camel the had been residing in her throat.
Applejack sneezed, and took another slice of pie. She groaned, and stared at the delicious work of art, all heaven beneath the sun. Praise the sun, for it is good. Without realizing it, she began to recite an old, classic, well-known poem.
If I eat one more piece of pie,
I'll die.
If I can't have one more piece of pie
I'll die.
So since it's all decided
I must die
I might as well have one more piece of pie...
She looked at the beauty she held in her hooves and sighed, enamored by the beauty of it. There was no way to keep herself from it any longer. All of her thoughts disappeared as she bit into it.
"Ooh... ooh, my..."
She chewed for a moment, before swallowing in ecstasy. There was a moment of silence among the guests (minus Luna, who had decided to leave before the Given Hour). Then, Applejack fell.
There was a clatter of plates and silverware, and then her heart stopped.
She was gone.
And the prophecy was fulfilled.
Then the sun exploded because that's what the prophecy did.
"... And that's why the sun exploded!"
Twilight looked up from the fire, her eyes still fresh with tears. "Pinkie, this isn't funny. We're all going to die, and I want to spend my last few minutes in peace."
"Why the hell do you think I'm getting high?"
