Salvador and Scooter's Bodacious Equestrian Experienceby ZalekaiChaptersPrologue: BetrayalWeird Lookin' SkagsApples and E-TechBlazin' CupcakesPrologue: BetrayalBETRAYAL Axton sighed in relief as he trudged up the steps, the tirelessly sought-after power core in his hands. His fellow Vault Hunters followed, also burdened from the tiresome battles they'd just faced. A slender, blue-haired, woman followed close behind the commando as he neared his final step. They were so close to installing the power core, but one thing still awaited them. Stairs. As Salvador reached the first step, Zer0 had just begun his ascent up the steps in pursuit of Axton and Maya, but the gunzerker stopped instantly. "No... Nope. Not stairs. Screw that!" the short, burly man said in a grizzly voice. Zer0's mask hid his expression, but a sigh confirmed that it was probably irritated. The suited-assassin turned to face his companion slowly. "Task is close to done, why not just ascend, brother? I'm getting pissed off." Zer0 said, his typical wisdom-filled voice now replaced by a tone of utter annoyance. Salvador shook his head quickly. "Uh-Uh. We just spent like five hours getting that damn thing, and I'm not in the mood to climb any steps!" the Gunzerker said crossing his arms. "Suit yourself small one. I will continue with them. Have some fun down here." Zer0 replied. Salvador scowled and flipped off the suited-assassin, suddenly feeling a bit rejuvenated, but still not in the mood to climb the steps. "Forget about it Zer0. let him stay down there if he wants to be lazy. We need to get this thing installed." Axton said, wiping a final bead of sweat from his forehead as he neared the device that the power core was to be installed in. The short, angry man growled and turned away, stomping towards the gates of Sanctuary. "Well screw you anyway..." he said under his breath. As the three other Vault Hunters began installing the new core, Salvador made his way into the town of Sanctuary. He figured the group would get a bit of down-time after this recent mission, with the town be safe and all, and decided to head to Scooter's Garage. Instantly, the smell of grease and body odor hit the Gunzerker, causing his nostrils to flare slightly as he entered the garage. It wasn't the worst smell he had ever experienced, but it wasn't exactly a field of flowers either. Several boxes of trash and various car parts lined the extensive walls of the large garage, adding to it's gritty and dirty external appearance. Salvador carefully shimmied by a wrecked vehicle as he dwelled deeper into the rotting garage. "Ayyyyy! Salvador! Sup' buddy?" Scooter said, sitting on a lawn chair on the opposite side of the concrete structure. The Gunzerker gave an exhausted wave as he crossed the large emptiness in the middle of the garage, approaching his greasy friend. "Y'all want a beer'er sum'thin?" Scooter asked, motioning to the cooler next to him. Salvador gave one nod and opened his palm. Scooter nodded and retrieved a bottle from the cooler, and tossed it to the short man. The gunzerker caught it, flicked the tip off, and took a large swig. As he pulled the bottle away from his lips, an unrestrained, pulse-pounding belch, left his mouth. Scooter raised an eyebrow as his friend moved closer, and took a seat in the gritty lawn chair beside him. "Y'ur lookin' sadder than an ugleh' Skag durin' matin' season. What's wrong, bud?" Scooter asked. "Just all of this running and running... I mean, I love blowing things up as much as the hombre', but do I really have to do all of this work?" Salvador said with a sigh. Scooter nodded and straightened his cap. "I hear ya' man. I have ta' sit in here all day long, look at all these piece-a' crap cars. Mah' ass starts to hurt after a while." the greasy mechanic said. Salvador chuckled and shook his head, placing the beer in his over-sized hand on the cement floor. "Can it, cabron'." the Gunzerker said with a smirk. Scooter chuckled as well and opened his mouth to speak, but was cut-off as Salvador's ECHO communicator signaled him. "Might wanna' get that, broseph." Scooter said nodding to the device. Salvador rolled his eyes and groaned. "Dios mio... What sucker needs our help now?" He said, putting two fingers to one of his ears. "Hey, you know... I think it's finally time to tell you that little secret..." a familiar voice said, slightly shrouded by the static of the ECHO communicator. "Oh... This puta' again..." Salvador said, rolling his eyes. "Angel's working for me." Handsome Jack continued. "Angel's working for me." "...working for me." ",,,for me." For a split second, Salvador's heart skipped a beat. His eyes went wide, in-sync with him springing to his feet from the lawn chair. "What?!" he shouted angrily. "Lowering Sanctuary's shield's Jack..." a woman's voice said reluctantly, over the ECHO device. Salvador looked to the mouth of the garage, and beyond the walls of Sanctuary to his fellow Vault Hunters. To his surprise, they all shared the same look of disbelief. "Ay', what's wrong, man?" Scooter asked, cautiously lifting himself off of the ragged chair. "Executing phase-shift." the voice continued. The ground beneath Salvador's feet shook slightly as an explosion sounded from just outside the city walls. "That's not a power core! Raiders, the shields are down! The shields are-!" a Crimson-Raider called over Salvador's ECHO. "Nicely done Angel! Now... Let's kill ourselves some Vault Hunters..." Handsome Jack continued. Salvador shook his head and charged towards the exit of the garage. "No... No! What the FU-?!" the Gunzerker shouted. "What the hell?! did something just get through the shield?!" Roland called over the ECHO. Scooter quickly sprinted out of the garage as well, a look of sheer terror present on his face. "Shields down, Roland! Aw, man... Somebody better start gettin' everybody underground!" Scooter shouted, sprinting out onto the street and up the steps leading to the center of town, screams echoing off of the walls of the city. Several large rockets plummeted from the sky, and rocked the center of town with several massive explosions, causing Salvador to topple slightly, but regain his balance within a matter of seconds. He shifted his view back to his fellow Vault Hunters, and quickly noticed them sprinting towards him. "What the hell happened?!" he shouted over the roar of the townsfolk and the shock of explosions. "Angel screwed us, Sal! She screwed us!" Axton replied, catching up with the Gunzerker. "Everybody! I've got a really bad idea. Scooter, get Sanctuary in the air! Roland, get me some Eridium!" Lilith shouted over the group's ECHOs. "The city, airborne? Such an absurd thought by her. It's not capable." Zer0 said, looking to the other Vault Hunters. "Pretty sure we can't do that without killin', I dunno', everyone in the city! It aint' ready to fly, Lilly!" Scooter shouted in reply. "You've got your orders Scooter, MOVE!" Roland shouted, causing Salvador to pull his head away from his finger. "Damn. I'd say shit is getting real, amigos!" Salvador shouted, screaming and various explosions still blaring throughout the walls of Sanctuary. "Meet me in the center of town, NOW! I'ma need y'ur help real bad!" Scooter screamed at the top of his lungs into his ECHO. Axton nodded and pulled his hand away from his ear, and cocked his head towards the center of town before bolting into a full sprint towards it. The other Vault Hunters quickly followed suit, dodging the rockets still pummeling the surface of the town. After several seconds of stumbling and avoiding explosions, the four reached Scooter, who was furiously slamming a wrench into one of the town's various Ignition Primers. "OK... Uhh... If we cycle the Ignition Primers... Uhh... Shoot, it'll get us somewhere!" Scooter said, not risking a glance away from his work. Salvador nodded and sprinted away from the group to the opposite side of the town's square. "I got the first one! You take the other one Axton!" Salvador shouted as he neared the first primer. The Gunzerker eventually reached a small, protruding panel, and slammed the palm of his hand into it, in-sync with Axton reaching the next panel and doing the same. Scooter quickly nodded and cocked his head upwards. "Alright, we're primed! EVERYBODY GET READY!" Scooter shouted as loud as his lungs would let him. Axton and Salvador charged back to Scooter, Zer0, and Lilith, carefully dodging explosions and panicking citizens. After a few seconds, a loud crash sounded over the ECHO systems of the Vault Hunters. "Ah! You son of a... I'm pinned! I can't get the Eridium to Lilith! Get to me, quick!" Roland shouted. "I will go, Comrades. Stay here and try not to die. Now, I disappear." Zer0 said. The suited-assassin quickly vanished, leaving Salvador, Axton, and Maya stumbling over their feet as explosions continued to rock the floor beneath them. "That bitch! I can't believe we trusted that stupid-ass holo-thingy!" Salvador shouted. "I outta' go rip out her god damn circuitry right now!" "Shut it, Sal! We need to focus on the task at hand!" Axton said, aiming his hand towards Salvador. The Gunzerker swatted the Commando's hand away angrily, a scowl on his face. "STOP undermining me!" Salvador shouted, his voice booming and angry. Axton tilted his head in disbelief, an appalled expression present on his face. "What are you talking about?!" the commando shouted in return. The Gunzerker charged forward and slammed the bottom of his fist into Axton's chest, and pointed a finger under his chin. "Ever since we started this, you've been screwing with me, and taking allll the glory! Well I'm done with it puta'! When this is over with. I'M OUT OF HERE!" Salvador said, shoving Axton backwards. The commando recoiled with a scowl and raised his fist in the air. "Oh, I'm gonna' wail on you, little man!" Axton said in a low grim tone. Maya looked between the two and stepped forward. "Knock it off! Do you really think we have time for this right now?!" Maya asked, angrily. "I dunno'! Do we have time for your face, IDIOT?!" Salvador shouted, pointing towards Axton. The three instantly stopped dead however, when a purple glow began resonating from the center of town. Axton narrowed his eyes and placed a hand over his eyebrows in an attempt to see. "Oh... Shit." Axton said under his breath. Suddenly, a large burst of energy erupted from the center of town, enveloping the three Vault Hunters in it's massive glow. Salvador shielded his eyes as the flash of light enveloped him, but it was too late. Lilith had already sent the Vault Hunters away. Axton was the first to open his eyes and recover from the large flash. He worriedly scanned the area around him, but calmed slightly as he realized he had just been sent to the outskirts of Sanctuary. Looking to his left, he realized that Lilith had been sent to the same location, followed by Zer0 appearing from his cloaked state. But someone was missing. Axton counted Maya and Zer0, but continued searching, only to find no trace of Salvador. "Sorry kids, that was an accident... I'll see you on the other side though, I promise. Hit it, Scooter!" Lilith said over the ECHO. "Where's Sal?! Zer0, Maya, you seen him?!" Axton shouted, still searching for the Gunzerker. Maya and Zer0 both looked to each other and shrugged. Back in Sanctuary, Scooter inhaled and exhaled deeply before looking to Lilith and smiling nervously. "Haha.... Man, this is one of them moments..." the mechanic said, running his hand along the back of his neck. He shook his head, shut both eyes, and slammed his opposite hand into the Ignition Primer. "CATCH A RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. To his surprise, the city shook furiously, and eventually began lifting up out of the ground. The ecstatic mechanic stood up and threw his Echo to the ground, then both of his arms in the air as he screamed in extreme happiness. "Hellllll yeah! I did it! I made this sum'bitch fly!!!" Scooter said, jumping up and down. Roland walked in-between Lilith and Scooter, looking up to the sky with a wicked smirk. "Roland! Did you see that?! I totally did eet'!" he shouted. The soldier stood still as he held two fingers two his ear, the smirk still present on his face. "A Siren." Roland said, almost inaudibly. Scooter raised an eyebrow as he jumped once more, and looked to Lilith. "Sup'?" She said, in the most bad ass tone humanly possible. Instantly, the entirety of Sanctuary was enveloped in a large glowing ball of blue, causing Scooter to cheer loudly as he soared through the air after one final jump. As the mechanic fell to the surface of Sanctuary however, the city disappeared with the blink of an eye beneath his feet. Sanctuary had completely vanished, leaving Scooter behind as he fell, a considerably larger distance now. The mechanic waved his arms wildly as he began falling towards the hole where Sanctuary used to be, and belted a high-pitched scream. "AH, WHAT THE HELL?!" Scooter screamed as he began falling farther. Below him was a small amount of purple-colored mist, left over from Lilith's massive phase-jump. As the screaming mechanic fell through the residue, it surrounded his whole body, causing a purple aura to glow around him. "CRAP! IT GOT IN MY MOUTH!" he shouted, viciously trying to scrape the Eridium-like substance off of his tongue. Axton quickly noticed the screaming blur falling from the sky, and raised an eyebrow. "Holy shit... is that Scooter?!" Axton asked, dumbfounded. Maya raised an eyebrow and looked in the same direction to find a glowing Scooter falling at intense speed from where Sanctuary used to be floating. "No way..." Maya said, her eyes widening. "Oh my god... I'd like ta'... Uhh... Say goodbye to my momma, and... M-My cousin Ellie... I ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON YOU ELLEH'!" Scooter screamed as he plummeted to his death. As the Mechanic's falling speed increased however, the residue on his skin began to glow brighter, until he was shining as bright as Lilith's initial jump. Axton and Maya raised their arms to cover their eyes on the ground as the glow became too bright. Eventually, a large flash, just like the one seen seconds ago, swallowed Scooter whole. When the Vault Hunters recovered from the flash, they saw nothing. No Sanctuary. No falling Scooter. And still no Salvador. Axton sighed and hung his head, before looking to Maya and Zer0 with an eyebrow raised. "Well what the hell do we do now?" he asked, annoyed. * * * "Thank yah' for comin' on such short-notice Twilight." Applejack said as she trotted along the path to Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight smiled and shook her head. "It's no problem Applejack. You sounded a bit worried." Twilight said, her tone growing slightly concerned. "Ah am, Sugarcube. I've never seen anything like this." AJ continued. Twilight cringed slightly as the words processed in her mind. Her and Applejack had seen a lot, so something unknown seemed a bit frightening. Nonetheless, the mare loved a good challenge. Maybe Princess Celestia would commend her for discovering a new species, or helping defend some sort of threat to Equestria. The mare smiled warmly at the thought and continued trotting as the two ponies neared Applejack's farm. The orange earthpony led Twilight to the barn through the seemingly endless fields of apple trees. She quickly noticed a large, smoking hole in the roof of the structure, and raised an eyebrow. "Was it a meteor or something...?" Twilight asked, looking to Applejack. The farmpony shook her head and pushed open the giant, red door of the barn. "Not quite, Twi..." she said. Twilight's jaw dropped as she examined the inside of the barn. Laying inside of a small hole in the floor of the barn, were two unconscious smoking creatures. Both had similar features, other than the fact that one had a large amount of fur on his face and was significantly shorter than the other. The shorter one looked burly, and slightly angry. While the taller one looked... Stupid, and more greasy. Both of the creatures had four limbs, a nose, eyes, a mouth, ears. Everything a pony would have, and more. The purple mare brought a hoof to her mouth worriedly. "Oh my..." she said, quietly. Weird Lookin' SkagsWEIRD LOOKIN' SKAGS Salvador woke suddenly but kept his eyes shut. The pain swelling in his body probably wouldn't let them crack open anyway. The Gunzerker could feel a weight on his chest, adding to the pain he was already feeling, and causing him to sink in to the dirt below. He needed to piece together the recent events, try and find out what went wrong. He'd cycled his assigned ignition primer, Axton had cycled his, and then everything went blank. His memory was completely gone beyond that point. The Gunzerker's ears twitched slightly as his hearing began coming back to him. He could barely make out what sounded to be like female voices. "What do you reckon' we do, Twi?" one of them said, a southern-accent strong in her voice. "I don't know... Are they... You know... Dead?" another voice asked, this one sounding softer and more knowledgeable. Salvador shook his head weakly and sniffed through his nose in an attempt to clear it. He instantly caught a whiff of fresh grass and a hint of... Apples? He couldn't recall a time he had smelled anything like a fresh apple on Pandora. It was mostly just trash, body-odor, more trash, and the occasional pile of rancid droppings left behind by the undesirable creatures that inhabited the planet. "Ah don't think so... I just heard one of em'." the southern-voiced female added. Curiosity eventually got the better of Salvador, causing him to open his eyes slightly. He caught a small, blurry glimpse of two creatures standing in front of him, most likely hostile like every thing else on Pandora. "Shh... I think they're waking up." the female with the soft voice said. The Gunzerker tried to lean upwards into a sitting position, but was instantly stopped by the weight on his chest. A scowl came across the man's face as he cocked his head upwards and saw Scooter laying on him. "Scooter?! Get off me pendejo'!" Salvador said, shoving the mechanic off of him. Scooter instantly woke up with a small snort, and fell to his back as Salvador sat up. "Huh-? Uh-What?! Ellie... Don't forget to wear a..." Scooter mumbled, trailing off. Salvador simply shook his head and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his vision. Looking to his left, he caught site of two bright-colored, giant-eyed, four-legged creatures, staring at him worriedly. "Qué coño?!" he said, jumping to his feet, and back a few steps. The creatures simply stared at him in awe, their jaws almost touching the dirt floor beneath them. Scooter quickly shook awake upon hearing Salvador's outburst, and sat up groggily. His jaw nearly dropped to the floor as well as he took in the sight of these strange creatures. The Mechanic instantly sprang to his feet and dived behind a nearby pile of lose hay. "Skags! Holy hell! Their eyes 'r bigger' than Ellie's funbags!" Scooter shouted fearfully, cowering behind the hay. Salvador, on instinct, reached for both digistruct modules on his sides, hoping to retrieve two of his weapons and blow the weird-looking creatures to high hell. He was surprised however, when neither device provided a weapon. "Stupid pedazo de mierda..." he said, looking down the the two small boxes on each hip. "What'chu you waitin' for, Sal?!" Scooter shouted. One of the creatures, orange, with blonde hair and a brown hat atop it's head, leaned to the other creature, this one being purple with a matching hair color and a small appendage protruding from the colored hair. "Say somethin' Twi..." the southern-voiced creature said. Salvador's eyes went wide as the words left her lips, and looked to Scooter, who held the same expression. "Holy sheet! Skags can talk!" Scooter said frantically. The mechanic stood up in a crouched stance and looked slightly over the pile of hay. "Hey... Uhh... Weird lookin' Skag things... Do not eat us, we taste like crap." He said with a smirk, giving a thumbs-up to Salvador. The purple creature stepped forward and cleared her throat. "Hello... Uhm... I'm assuming we can understand eachother...?" it said, trying it's best to sound professional. "Taste. Like. Crap." Scooter said, sinking back behind cover. The creature raised an eyebrow and looked to Scooter, then to Salvador. "Can you understand me?" she asked, trying to communicate with him. The Gunzerker nodded dumbly. "Uhh... Good. Very good... Do you... Have a name?" she continued. "What the hell are you?" Salvador asked distantly, ignoring the creature's question completely. It looked confused for a moment, like it had never been asked that question. "M-Me? I'm a unicorn." she said, an expression of "duh" written across her face. Scooter peeked out from behind his makeshift cover again, an eyebrow raised. "That thing just say it was a unicorn?!" he asked, pointing a greasy finger at her. Salvador looked between Scooter and the creature for a moment before falling back onto the ground and inhaling deeply as he stared blankly upwards. "I've got to stop drinking..." Salvador said in an exhausted tone. The purple-haired creature sighed deeply, trying it's best to not become agitated. She smiled slightly and looked to Scooter once more. "Do you have a name?" she asked, an annoyed tone in her voice. Scooter ignored the question just as Salvador had done and quickly walked away from the pile of hay, cautiously approaching the "unicorn". "Helllllll, I didn't know Skags could be unicorns!" Scooter said, a wide grin spreading across his dirt-stained face. "I'M NOT A SKAG!" the creature shouted angrily, closing it's eyes. The mechanic jumped backwards in fear as the words echoed off of the structure they were in. After a few seconds of awkward silence, the unicorn cleared her throat again, and continued. "I am a pony. I'm unicorn, and my name is Twilight Sparkle." she said, trying her best to sound courteous and official. Scooter paused for a moment before bursting into laughter and falling back onto the dirt floor. He rolled around for several moments, nearly laughing himself to death as Twilight grew angry again. "The hell kinda' name is that? You a stripper unicorn or something?!" Scooter ask, barely able to breath. Salvador groaned and ran both hands down the sides of his face. "Unicorns... Stripper names... What the hell did you put in that beer, amigo?" he asked. The mechanic stopped dead and looked to his gunzerking friend with a scowl. "Woah brah', I don't ever spike no-" Scooter began. He was quickly cut off however, as a purple glow surrounded his body and levitated him upwards. The mechanic instantly started screaming and flailing his limbs in every direction. "Woah! The hell?! Siren dude-thing, 's that you?!" he screamed. "Your name! Tell me your name, now!" Twilight shouted angrily. "Scooter! Dang... Just put me down, freaky skag thing!" Scooter shouted, still flailing wildly in Twilight's magical grasp. The orange creature next to Twilight raised an eyebrow towards her. "Uhh, Twi? I think this is turning into an interrogation..." she said nervously. "Applejack! These things could be dangerous, we need to take every precaution!" the purple unicorn said, releasing Scooter from her levitation. The greasy mechanic fell to the floor of the barn with a harsh thud, causing a small amount of dust to cloud around him as he coughed, trying regain his breath. He then looked to Applejack, an expression of awe on his face. "Did someone really name you after a cereal...?" he asked, dumbfounded. Applejack seemed surprised by the question and blinked. "A what now?" she replied. "Ah knew it! I told some people we should start namin' things after food! That would make things sooooo much easi'er to 'member." Scooter said, a wide grin on his face. The orange pony sighed and looked to the ground covering her face slightly with her hat. "What do you 'reckon we do, Twi?" she asked, returning the brown stetson to the top of her head and looking to her horned friend. Twilight put a hoof under her chin in thought for a moment. The creatures didn't necessarily seem all that intelligent. At least one of them didn't anyway. After several seconds of thought, a bright smile spread across the mare's face. "I know! I'll take them back to the library, where we can keep a close eye on them. Then, send a letter to the princess. She'd know how to deal with these... uhh... Things." Twilight said. Applejack nodded and motioned to Scooter with her hoof. "C'mon, Scooter. We're heading to Twilight's house." she said in the nicest tone she could muster, despite her annoyance to the situation. Scooter's jaw dropped yet again. "Ho-lee sheeet! Unicorns live in houses?!" the mechanic asked, awestruck. Twilight sighed yet again and lowered her head. Nothing's ever simple... Is it? she thought. * * * As the four walked through the center of Ponyville in the direction of Twilight's house, Salvador mumbled quietly to himself, while Scooter questioned legitimately everything he saw, forcing Applejack to answer stupid question after stupid question. Thankfully, the early time of the day granted them the luxury of having no questions about the strange creatures following them around. "So... Them there flags... Ponies build those, too?" Scooter asked, pointing to some of the various flags hung throughout Ponyville. "Yes, Scooter." Applejack replied with a sigh. "Same with the Town Hall, the six houses, the fence, the restaurant, and the water fountain. Anything else?" Scooter paused for a moment, still following behind Twilight and Salvador, Applejack trotting beside him. "Nah. I'm good." he said with a shrug. Applejack sighed in relief and smiled slightly. "So... I never got your name." Twilight said, nervously looking to Salvador. She hadn't felt anything but... Pity, when she had seen Scooter. But when she looked at the Gunzerker, she felt something completely different. Fear. Something about the human intimidated her extensively. Almost to the point in which she would like to go home and hide under her bed for a few years. "Salvador." he replied, his voice gritty and low. Twilight nodded and continued trotting, remaining silent for several seconds. "Is that your friend?" she continued, tilting her head back to the oblivious mechanic. Salvador nodded wordlessly. "Alright... Well it makes sense, you both seem to be the same species and-" "Stop." Salvador said, shaking his head. The unicorn instantly shut her mouth and slowed her trot as Sal brought a hand to his face and scratched at his eye with the center of his palm. "I just want this hangover to pass so I can figure out who the hell you are, amigo." Salvador continued. Twilight had no idea whatsoever what this hangover was supposed to be, but nodded regardless and continued trotting. Within a few more minutes of awkward silence, save for the pitter-patter of footsteps and hoofsteps on the dirt paths of Ponyville, the group reached Twilight's library. "Y'all livin' in a tree?" Scooter asked, raising an eyebrow. Twilight nodded solemnly. "Yes. It's actually a library." she said matter-of-factually. Scooter shook his head slowly. "That's just unhealthy." the mechanic replied quietly. The purple unicorn twitched in frustration as she pushed open the door to her home, and invited the inter-dimensional guests in. Scooter carelessly entered the home, while Salvador groggily stomped in. "So... What's with all this 'princess', stuff?" Scooter said, adding finger-quotes to stress his point. Twilight raised an eyebrow as she entered the library and used her magic to shut the door. "Princess Celestia?" she asked. "Uhh... Yeah. That one. I aint' never heard of no princesses on Pandora. Just seems weird." Scooter continued. "Pandora?" Twilight asked, growing more confused. Scooter chuckled lightly and looked to Salvador for a moment. "Well duhhhh. The giant piece of crap planet that yur' standin' on. Jeez..." The mechanic continued. The unicorn furrowed both eyebrows quizzically and gently tapped her hoof to the floor. "This is Equestria, you're not on... Pandora, or whatever." she replied. Salvador's eyes went wide for a moment as the words processed in his mind. He quickly spun around to face Twilight. "What did you just say?" he asked. "You're not on Pandora?" Twilight replied. The Gunzerker's expression instantly sunk upon hearing the statement a second time. He sighed and let his head fall into one of his hands. "Oh crap... Daaaaaamn.... I swear I left the washer' runnin'." Scooter said, a frown washing across his face. Apples and E-TechAPPLES AND E-TECH Rainbow Dash approached the door to Twilight's Treehouse reluctantly, Pinkie Pie bouncing happily at her side. The rainbow maned pegasus held a wry expression, irritated that her regular "Afternoon Nap" had been interrupted. She looked to the bubbly pink pony bouncing next to her and raised an eyebrow. "What are you so happy about? Twilight asked us to help her." she said, the irritation beginning to show in her boy-ish voice. Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing for a moment and shrugged. "I dunno'. Maybe she's got a giant cupcake or something that she wants us to eat for her!" the earthpony said with a wide smile, her eyes happily glistening in the sunlight of the afternoon. Dash rolled her eyes as the two reached the door "I'm pretty sure she just wants us to... Write a stupid paper or something." the pegasus said, reaching a hoof up to the door reluctantly. Before the rainbow-maned pony could knock, the door opened, and she was pulled in without warning along with Pinkie Pie. As soon as her view adjusted after being roughly pulled in, she saw Applejack over her, holding a hoof to her mouth and pointing to two creatures standing in front of Twilight. "So then the Lilith lady phase- uhh... Thing-y'd us, and I ended up here." Salvador said, looking the unicorn in the eyes sincerely. It wasn't hard for the Gunzerker to do so, seeing as he was about the height of your average pony... But still, he meant business. Scooter stood just next to him, also trying to explain the situation to Twilight. "Yeah, and then Ah got the whole dang' city to float, y'know cuz' I'ma bonafide bad ass n'stuff? So ah was' jumpin' up and down, and all'a sudden, 'whole damn citys' just like whoosh, see'ya later, Scooter! So ah fall down n'shit, and then I'm here, my best bud Sally with me." Scooter said, his dialect barely legible to the purple-maned unicorn in front of him. While Twilight took a few moments to reflect on the interesting explanation of their arrival, Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief at the two humans. She quickly shook her head and leaned closer to her stetson-wearing friend. "What are those things?!" she asked in a quizzically and hushed tone. "They call themselves' humans, er' somethin' like that. Just... Keep quiet for a sec." Applejack said, trying to hush her friend once more. "Humans?! That sounds awesome! Are they like, aliens?!" Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing over to the two. Salvador and Scooter paused for a moment before looking in the direction of the three ponies on the other side of the room. The Mechanic's face quickly molded into a bright smile as he examined Rainbow Dash's mane. "Say whaaat?! This one's got RAINBOW HAIR?!" he asked, rushing over to the pegasus. Dash had no time to react before the greasy mechanic began poking at her face with his index finger. "This is the coolest shit ah'seen in all mah' life..." he said, repeatedly prodding at cheek, leaving behind a distinct smudge of black grease. The pegasus quickly shoved Scooter away and backed up, putting her hooves up in defense. "Hey! Watch it!" she said, her previous annoyance finally bubbling over into anger. She placed a hoof to her face for a moment, and wiped some of the grease from her cheek. After examining it for a moment, she growled and narrowed her eyebrows. "Twilight... Who is this...?" she asked, trying to keep herself reserved. The purple unicorn sighed and pointed to the both of them with a wry expression. "This is Scooter... This is Salvador... They're aliens." Dash opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off as Pinkie Pie jumped in her way. "I know it! They are aliens! I love aliens, they like, do alien things and stuff like that!" she said joyfully. Salvador eyed the pink pony with an arched eyebrow, pondering why the hell she was so happy. But, after a moment of her high-pitched voice and bubbly attitude, he began to chuckle slightly. Something about her made him laugh. "Ha! Ten seconds after meeting them and I already got one to laugh!" Pinkie said, looking back to Rainbow Dash with a grin. Scooter turned his head to Salvador and looked down to the Gunzerker with an eyebrow raised. "What?! She's funny!" Salvador said with a shrug, pointing both arms towards her. "Ah'm never gonna' let you live this down..." Scooter said, stifling his own chuckle. "Bite me, Cabron'..." the Gunzerker replied, rolling his eyes. As the two humans argued, Twilight managed to make her way around them, and next to her three friends. She exhaled deeply and brought a hoof to her chest before extending it outwards. "I-I need to calm down, and get a letter to the Princess. Can you take them for a bit? Please?!" she asked. Rainbow Dash shook her head quickly and pointed to her greasy hoof. "Uh, hello?! No! I don't want to be anywhere near Touchy-Face Mcghee!" Dash said, her tone still irritated. "Oh, hush." Applejack said shaking her head towards the rainbow-maned mare. "We'll take em'. Ah need some help around the farm while ah'm fixin' the farmhouse anyway. Ah'm sure those fellas' would love ta' see the Zap Apple Harvest. Might even calm em' down." she replied with a smile. Twilight elicited a relieved sigh and smiled at her farmpony friend. "Thank you. I'll be make sure I'm not too long." she said. "Does this mean I get to hang out with the aliens more?!" Pinkie said, her expression completely ecstatic. "Yes Pinkie... Please stop interrupting." Twilight replied. "Okie Dokie Lokie." the pink pony said, backing up a few feet, her smile still holding. * * * "Where the hell are we going again?" Salvador asked, walking down a dirt path just outside of Ponyville, Scooter, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack by his side. "Mah farm... Yah' don't remember the twenty other times ah told'ya?" Applejack replied, slightly annoyed. Salvador chuckled and pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "I was staring at that bush over there and forgot." he replied. Scooter swiftly spun around and stopped walking, looking towards the direction of Salvador's point, searching frantically for the bush. "Where? Ah wanna' see everything this' places' got'ta offer." he said, scanning the road behind him. "idiota..." Salvador said under his breath with a slight chuckle. "Is' nothing, amigo. Let's just get to this farm." he continued shaking his head slightly. The mechanic shrugged and continued down the path with the colored equines and his badass, midget friend. Eventually, the five of them reached the front gate of Sweet Apple Acres. Salvador and the four ponies passed through the entrance with ease, but Scooter ended up having to limbo his way under. As they approached the barn, Applejack flagged Big Macintosh, who was standing next to it, eyeing the broken roof with a confused expression. He quickly noticed his sister, and opened his mouth to speak as he pointed towards the barn. "Ah know. These two... Uhh'... Guys, did that earlier." Applejack said, nodding back to Salvador and Scooter. Scooter gave a dumb wave while Salvador rolled his eyes. "Uhh... I..." Mac replied with a single blink. "They're super advanced, technological, alien life-forms!" Pinkie blurted out, causing Applejack to sigh once more. "Aliens...?" the large earth stallion replied, scratching his head. "They're gonna help you with the Zap Apple harvest." Applejack said, before Pinkie could further exaggerate the situation. Macintosh looked over his sister's shoulder once more at the strange creatures, and eventually shrugged. "Ahlright. As long as the barn gets fixed..." Mac said hesitantly, pointing to the bright-red structure behind him. Applejack nodded and pushed the two humans forward, motioning for Pinkie and Dash to retreat in the barn with her. The two quickly complied, leaving the humans standing in front of Big Macintosh, and awkward silence hanging in the air. Macintosh ran a hoof along his brow with a wry expression while Salvador and Scooter stood in front of him, awaiting his word. "Well... It doesn't look like y'all can kick... But ah guess y'all can pick. Let's get to work." Mac said, motioning to the rows of apple trees, each one bearing rainbow-striped, glowing fruit. Scooter turned and caught one glimpse of the fruit, and his jaw fell open. "Daaaaaamn, is everything rainbows here?!" he said with a chuckle. Mac nodded, keeping his un-amused expression, and walked past the two. "Just about... Now hurry up. AJ said ya'll were helpin', and this harvest is the most important." the large, red stallion said, disappearing among the Zap Apple trees. Scooter nodded and looked to Salvador with a wide grin. "Damn, man. This right here is the shiiiiiit! Pickin' rainbow fruit, surrounded by a bunch'a unicorns?!" Scooter said, walking towards the first apple tree. Salvador grumbled angrily under his breath. "I don't care where we are, I just really need to shoot something already..." the gunzerker said in a low-tone, grinding his teeth together in anticipation for a fight. Scooter chuckled and rolled his eyes as he reached the first tree and took off his hat, revealing a head of hair that was even greasier than the rest of his body. He tossed it on the ground and began to climb the base of the tree, struggling to grasp each branch. "Heh, out of shape, aren't you amigo?" Salvador called up to him, cupping both hands over his mouth. "Hey, shut up, Sal! Ah ain't been outta the garage in a while!" the mechanic called in return, reaching for the nearest rainbow-striped apple. "Gah, look! Ahm'a bout' to eat mah' first Rainbow-Apple'a-Awesomness." Scooters hand reached out spastically, trying to wrap his fingers around the fruit and pick it free from the wooden branch. After a few seconds of effort, and a few choice insults from Salvador, the mechanic was finally able to retrieve the fruit, and threw both arms into the air victoriously. "Yeah-ha-ha! Look at me now, Mama- AH! WHAT THE HELL?! " Scooter screamed, dropping the fruit from the tree. The apple glowed brightly as it fell, shrouded in a thick layer of blue sparks. It fell fast and hard, landing directly on Salvador's head, and sending an electrical charge throughout his body. As the apple rolled away, the gunzerker stumbled backwards, covered in sparks from head-to-toe. It was usual for the vault hunter to feel this kind of punishment, along with the charging up of his "heads-up-display". Salvador stopped dead, and looked down to his digistruct devices, which were both glowing brightly, "What the hell...?" he asked quietly to himself. "Ah shit man, sorry! You OK? You lookin' brighter than Lilly after she swallows one'a them purple crack-rocks!" Scooter shouted from the tree branch. As the electricity continued swirling around Salvador's body, a wicked grin grew on his face, along with his H.U.D continuing to charge up. Scooter quickly noticed the change in expression, and the glowing boxes on Salvador's hips. "Oh no... Now Sally... Calm down, bro... Ah'ma need you to calm your nips there pally..." Scooter said, putting his hands towards the gunzerker defensively. As the digistructs were finally fully charged due to the electricity, Salvador's grin had reached full-mast, causing his grizzly face to shine with a wicked smile. Scooter sighed and propped himself against the tree, covering his face. "Aw, this is gon' suck..." he said quietly. One signal on his H.U.D was all it took for the Gunzerker to begin his rampage. He threw both of his arms under their opposite sides, and pulled two massive weapons from each digistruct module. In one hand, a brightly glowing BANDIT assault rifle. The other, a Hyperion shotgun. Without hesitation, Salvador threw the muzzles of both weapons in the air and unleashed a barrage of fire, laughing maniacally. "Tiiiiiiime to COMPENSATE!" Salvador screamed as loud as his vocal chords would let him, mindlessly firing his weapons in to the air, a shower of shells and bullet-casings showering the ground beneath him. Nearby in the barn, Rainbow Dash was the first to hear the gunfire, and trotted hurriedly to a nearby window to catch a glimpse of the rampage going on in the apple fields. "A-AJ! Get over here!" she shouted back into the barn nervously. The farm pony raised an eyebrow as the sound of rampant gunfire made it's way to her ears, and trotted towards the barn window as well. "What is all that racket?" she asked, nearing the window, and propping herself onto the sill next to Rainbow Dash. She was greeted by the sight of a tremendously-short Salvador, ripping through all of her Zap-Apple trees with two mysterious tools. "B IS FOR BULLETS, BITCH!" the Vault Hunter shouted in the distance. "What in the buck is he doin'?! He's supposed to pick the apples not blow em' away!" she shouted angrily. Before Rainbow Dash could respond, she was cut off by the sound of the barn doors slamming open. Scooter stood hunched-over, panting heavily. He stood up straight, a look of complete terror on his face, and shouted at the top of his lungs. "SHUT YUR' PONY MOUTHS AND GIT YUR' ASSES IN TO COVER, PRONTO!" Rainbow Dash looked to Applejack fearfully, who did the same in return, frozen by fear as the rampage in the fields continued, the gunshots coming closer. The greasy mechanic broke off in to a sprint towards the two, and dived in to the ponies, knocking them both behind a bale of hay. "VIO-LENNNNNNCE! Salvador screamed, stomping throughout the fields, mowing down several trees and shooting apples as they sprang in to the air. For some reason, the apples granted him a small XP bonus for each one destroyed, so he saw no reason to stop. The rampage continued for several more seconds, nearing the barn. Once the large red structure came into view, Salvador reloaded both weapons within a split-second, and aimed them both at the barn. Because the color red is always bad, right? Rainbow Dash and Applejack screamed in terror as bullets ripped through the wooden structure of the barn, while Pinkie Pie bounced around playfully, giggling as shards of wood flew around her. "Ha! It sounds like a song! It's like; 'Ratta-tat-a-rat-a-tah-ta-ta-ta'!" she said, a wide grin on her face. Scooter looked up from behind the hay bale and motioned to Pinkie wildly. "Find some cover, yah' dumbass piece'a cotton candy!" he shouted. Pinkie stopped dead, her expression completely blank, bullets whizzing past her face and causing her mane to blow slightly in the direction of the gunfire. After a moment, she smiled again, and began bouncing towards the hay bale her friends were taking cover behind. "Great! I'm cotton-candy!" she shouted with glee. After several more seconds of the intense rampage, the gunfire stopped abruptly as Salvador's energy ran out. He sighed in relief and placed the shotgun in his opposite hand back to the Digistruct, where it quickly pixeled away. Scooter let go of the two ponies under him and looked down at his torso, before jumping up, both fists in the air victoriously. "Yeah! Picked'a apple today, AND ah ain't dead after Sally throws a pissy-fit!" he said, a bright smile on his face. Pinkie Pie instantly joined him in his cheering, throwing both hooves into the air. "Yeah! Hooray for not dying!" she said, her eyes closed due to the massive smile stretching across her face. Applejack slowly poked her head out from behind the hay bale, her anger slowly rising as she examined the nearly-demolished structure around her. The walls were almost completely punched out by the massive amount of bullets, and the roof was barely staying up. "What... What... What... What just HAPPENED?!" Rainbow screamed, still trying to catch her breath. Scooter stopped hopping for a moment and nodded his head towards the field. "Oh, Sal's gotta shoot shit or he get's'all pissed off." Almost perfectly on time, the gunzerker kicked open the door to the barn and raised his gun into the air. "Finito!" he shouted joyfully, before holstering his weapon in the digistruct and walking towards Scooter. Applejack's eye twitched as the anger began to boil over, her face almost completely red, and her teeth grinding against eachother as several planks fell from the rafters above her. "I think I broke the apples!" Salvador said, approaching Scooter. He quickly noticed her angered expression however, and raised an eyebrow to everyone else in the room. "Sheesh... What's her prob-?" "Get out." she said in a low, grim tone. "Huh?" Salvador replied, slightly confused. Applejack pointed a hoof to the pink party pony standing next to Scooter and then to Salvador. "Get'im out. Take him anywhere, do whatever. Just get'im out. Now." she said, keeping her tone firm. Pinkie Pie shrugged and trotted past the gunzerker, still in her bubbly attitude. "C'mon alien thing! We've got lots of cool stuff we can do!" she said happily, exiting the mostly-destroyed barn. Salvador looked to Scooter, completely confused. The mechanic simply shrugged. "You should do what she says, man. One'a them horses'll kick yur' junk harder than a skag on it's period." he said motioning to Pinkie. Salvador sighed and followed Pinkie Pie out of the barn, his head in his hand once more. "Try to have some fun, and this is what I get... Pendejada..." he said, his voice irritated and low. Applejack briskly pointed a hoof to Scooter, her face still wrapped up in a scowl. "Yur' helpin' me fix this." she said angrily. Scooter nodded as fast and as quick as his neck would let him. "Yes ma'am." he replied. Blazin' CupcakesBLAZIN' CUPCAKES "Making cupcakes?! Are you freaking kidding me?!" Salvador asked, a look of complete disbelief on his face. The bright, colorful decor of Sugar Cube Corner's kitchen already irritated the Gunzerker enough, ten seconds in Tiny Tina's Den had him dry heaving for hours, but the concept of singing cheerful songs and baking delectable treats made him want to jump off of cliff... Again. "Awww come on, it'll be fun!" Pinkie Pie said, bouncing away from the swinging doors of the kitchen towards the stove. "No." Salvador replied, walking away from the swinging flaps of wood as well. Pinkie rolled her eyes playfully and turned one of the nobs on the oven, causing a small flame to appear inside of the metallic box. She then spun around quickly to face Salvador, her eyes glowing in anticipation. "So what do you want to do first? Personally I loooooove getting all of the materials ready with all the anticipation and stuff, or we can even sing a song first! Oooooh that's so much-" Pinkie said cheerfully. "Cut it, pony." Salvador said, hopping up onto the counter with a small grunt. "I aint' singin' and I told you I aint' makin' cupcakes." Pinkie frowned slightly and looked to the ground in thought. There had been ways of manipulating other ponies into doing what she wanted, an ancient secret passed down between cute, bubbly mares for generations. She hated doing it, but she wanted to make this new alien feel happy at any and all costs... She had to pout. "What are you doing?" Salvador asked, looking up at Pinkie's face. The party mare's bottom lip quivered slightly as it protruded from her face, her ears fell down and drooped slightly, and her irises grew and almost filled her entire eye ball. An irresistible pout. "Pleassse...?" she asked quietly. "Stop that." the Gunzerker replied with a wry expression. "Pleassssssssse...?" Pinkie asked again, her face twisting even more into despair. "No." "Pleassssssssssssssssssssssse...?" the party pony said, suddenly appearing next to the grumbling man. The Gunzerker jumped in fear and fell from the counter as he elicited a high-pitched scream of intense fear, smashing onto the wooden floor with a loud smash! "Oh gosh, are you OK Sally?!" Pinkie asked worriedly, hopping off of the counter beside him. "Fine... Now just make your cupcakes and don't ever do that again." Salvador said, pulling himself up and dusting off his bright-orange shirt. "Together, right?" she asked with a bright smile. Salvador narrowed his eyebrows at the bubbly pony for a moment before sighing and hanging his head. "Sure. Fine. Whatever pendajo'." he said, annoyed. Pinkie Pie's smile, unbelievably, grew in size as she bounced happily in front of Salvador. "Great! You're going to love this, Sal!" she said. Pinkie reared up on her hind legs and cocked her head upwards as she placed a hoof on her chest. She inhaled deeply for several seconds, her head moving back as she did so, and prepared to belt a note at the top of her lungs. She was silenced however, as Salvador grabbed her lips and pulled her close to him. "But I aint' singing." he said in a low tone. Pinkie nodded and smiled through his grip on her lips. "Mmph. Hudda mmph mmph!" the pony said, her mouth tightly constricted. Salvador rolled his eyes and chuckled, releasing her lips. "That's fine, it'll still be fun!" Pinkie repeated. The Gunzerker rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face as Pinkie shuffled away from him towards the cupboard. With excellent precision, Pinkie quickly grabbed each ingredient needed to prepare the treats in under a second, then kicked he door to the pantry shut as she approached the counter. While the pony worked, Salvador looked around the room. The colors still irritated him beyond relief. But the decor, it was all hearts. Kinda like Moxxi's place. He could probably get used to that. "Over here, Salvador!" Pinkie chirped from across the room, breaking the Gunzerker's concentration. The man shook his head and blinked as he made his way over to Pinkie. "What?" he asked sharply. "You're going to help me put together the batter!" she replied happily. "Yaaaaay." Salvador said, unamused. "Here. I'll read off the ingredients and you just add them to this bowl, alright?" she said, pointing to a large, blue bowl just in front of them, filled halfway with clear, sparkling water. Salvador nodded and placed his hands over the collection of ingredients just beside the bowl, awaiting her orders. "OK, we need a 2 cups of flower." Pinkie said, picking up a list from the counter. The Gunzerker paused for a moment before looking to his pink companion. "The hells' a cup?" he asked, confused. "You don't have cups where you're from?" she replied, just as puzzled. "Well if I knew what the hell that was, I'd tell you." "Uhh... Well... It's a thing you... Drink out of." "Like a can?" "Uhh... Yeah." "Then why did't you just say a can of flour, puta'?!" "Well, I just kind of figured-" "Screw it! We'll put the whole bag in!" Salvador said, taking the sack of flower and slamming it into the bowl. "What's next?!" Pinkie looked to the ripped open sack of flour in the bowl and cringed slightly. Maybe a bit of burlap sack would make them taste even better? "Uhh... Eggs?" she said, worriedly. "Eggs, huh?" Salvador replied, taking the carton of eggs in both hands. He eyed the small cardboard carton for a moment before slowly cracking it open and taking an egg gently in his hand. By now a bead of sweat had formed on Pinkie's brow as she bit her lip in anticipation. The eggs were probably the most important part of her famous cupcakes, just a tiny bit of shell and the whole batch was ruined! A knot formed in her gut as she pictured Salvador accidentally dropping part of the egg into her batch. Mass hysteria. Ponies dying in the streets. Equestria quite literally imploding on itself. "Careful now, Sal... This is the most important part..." Pinkie said shakily. "I got it, I got it..." Salvador replied, his hand shaking as he brought the egg in his hand carefully towards the bowl. "Diligence... Diligence..." she said, her teeth chattering. As Salvador brought the egg close to the edge of the bowl, he gently knocked it on the edge of the plastic dish. His face fell into an expression of determination as it didn't crack, and knocked it against the edge once more, a bit harder. Nothing. The egg didn't even crack in the slightest. The Gunzerker began to twitch slightly in anger as he continuously knocked the egg against the side of the plastic, each time growing angrier and angrier as the egg took no damage. "Sal..." Pinkie said quietly. Suddenly, a blood thirsty roar erupted from the kitchen as Salvador slammed the egg into the bowl of water and flour. Then took another from the carton and crushed it in his hand, and let the contents seep into the bowl. "Ha! Now THIS is fun!" he said, continuously throwing egg after egg into the mix of egg shells and muck. Pinkie watched in disbelief as the Gunzerker laughed maniacally and emptied the whole carton of eggs into the bowl and proceeded to punch it's contents with extreme prejudice. After several seconds, he stopped and turned to Pinkie, covered in egg goop and flowery muck. "This is freakin' awesome! What's next, comadre'?!" he asked happily, a vicious smile on his face. The pink party mare was seconds from passing out, her eyes fluttering and the knot in her stomach tightening as she saw the mess of cupcake battered splattered around the bowl. But then, she noticed something amazing. Salvador's smile. She'd accomplished what she'd set out to do... Salvador was crazy happy. After a few short seconds, she smiled as well and looked to the list. "We need to put it into the tray, and bake it at 350!" Pinkie said, narrowing her eyebrows and slamming a tray cupcake tray onto the counter. "Yeah-ha-ha!" Salvador roared happily. Without warning, the Gunzerker took the blue bowl of crap high over his head, and slammed it onto the tray, splattering Pinkie and him in the goopy mess. "GET OFF MY PLANE!" he shouted, repeatedly slamming the bowl onto the tray, denting it and filling a few of the slots with rancid cupcake mix. Pinkie backed away slightly from the spray of muck and sighed in relief. Her batch may be ruined, but at least the alien was having a good time. Several more slams of the bowl later, Salvador took the tray in both hands, and turned to Pinkie. "WHERE'S THE OVEN?!" he asked, the vicious smile on his face even larger. Pinkie giggled and pointed to the oven she had already preheated, just beside the counter. Salvador spun around quickly, growling as he eyed the oven. He reached one arm to the metallic handle on the am of the oven and threw it open, causing a large slam to echo off of the kitchen's walls as he tossed the cupcakes inside. "HA! Nothing to it!" Salvador said, turning around and posing triumphantly for Pinkie. The party mare's eyes quickly grew in fear as she noticed the oven door still hanging open. "Salvador, look out! That's really-" she began. She was cut off however as Salvador was fully engulfed in flames. "DANGEROUS!" she called, placing both hooves on either side of her head, her face twisting into an expression of sheer terror. Salvador stood wordlessly for a moment, raising an eyebrow to Pinkie. "The hell are you on about compa- Wait... What's that smell?" he asked, sniffing at the air. He then looked down to notice his body swallowed in a brightly-glowing flame. "Oh. That." he said nonchalantly. Pinkie narrowed both eyebrows in disbelief, frozen in fear. "Doesn't that hurt you?!" she asked, terrified. "Nahhhh. Not until my shield goes out." Salvador said with a shrug. The Gunzerker's pupils quickly shrank however, as the distinct sound of breaking glass echoed in his ears. He instantly began screaming at the top of his lungs and fell to his knees, trying to pat out the flames surrounding his body. "ACK! GAH! MAKE IT STOP!" Salvador screamed rolling back and forth on the floor of the kitchen. Pinkie shuffled nervously for a moment and rushed to the sink, where she began filling up a bowl of water. "Don't worry Sal, I've gotcha'!" she said, forcing a smile onto her face. After a few moments of waiting for the water to reach the brim, Pinkie rushed over to the Flaming Gunzerker and threw the bucket onto him, dousing the flames immediately. He sat with a blank expression for a few moments, blinking several times. "Are you... Alright?" Pinkie asked, certain that she'd caused some sort of serious brain damage. "Yeah. Just waiting to heal." he said with a shrug, standing back up. "Oh! Well I have some band aids in the bathroom-" "No. Band aids are for pussies and Hyperion dick-weeds." Salvador said, shaking his head. Pinkie raised an eyebrow, curious what as to what a Hyperion was. "Well uhh... How do you heal-?" she asked nervously. "Ah, dammit. It stopped..." he said cutting her off and turning to her. "Punch me in the face, compadre'." Pinkie had pretty much heard it all from her friends, but this alien had a weird way of showing friendship. She cringed slightly at the thought of hurting him, and backed away a few inches. "Punch you... I-In the... In the face?" she asked with a nervous laugh. Salvador nodded and pointed to his chin. "Ci, amigo. Right here." The pink party mare shook her head slowly. "I uhh... I can't do that. I don't exactly like punching things." "OK, listen Pinkie. I did all of that annoying crap with the cupcakes and the fire and the blah blah, the least you could do is slug my in the jaw!" he yelled. Pinkie sighed and nodded. Without further warning, she cocked her hoof back and threw it into Salvador's jaw, knocking him a few feet backwards. "Oh gosh! I'm so sorry Mister Salvador! Please don't stop being my friend!" she screamed, immediately regretting her action. Salvador smiled widely as he began to slowly feel rejuvenated, and roared in happiness as he took Pinkie's head under his arm and ran his fist through her mane. "Haha! Thank you compadre'. Feelin' better already! Now, what's next for those cup thingies-" he said. "Pinkie, Salvador!" Rainbow Dash screamed from beyond the kitchen. The rainbow pegasus quickly shot into the room and landed on her four hooves, sliding to a stop just in front of the two. "Haha, that- tickles! Hehe! What's up Dashie?!" Pinkie asked, giggling as Salvador frazzled her mane with his fist. "We need you back at Sweet Apple acres, like, now." Rainbow said sternly. Pinkie raised an eyebrow and pulled herself out of Salvador's grasp, her mane sticking up and outwards. "What's wrong?" she asked worriedly. "It's Scooter... and Scootaloo." Dash replied, swallowing hard.
Prologue: BetrayalBETRAYAL Axton sighed in relief as he trudged up the steps, the tirelessly sought-after power core in his hands. His fellow Vault Hunters followed, also burdened from the tiresome battles they'd just faced. A slender, blue-haired, woman followed close behind the commando as he neared his final step. They were so close to installing the power core, but one thing still awaited them. Stairs. As Salvador reached the first step, Zer0 had just begun his ascent up the steps in pursuit of Axton and Maya, but the gunzerker stopped instantly. "No... Nope. Not stairs. Screw that!" the short, burly man said in a grizzly voice. Zer0's mask hid his expression, but a sigh confirmed that it was probably irritated. The suited-assassin turned to face his companion slowly. "Task is close to done, why not just ascend, brother? I'm getting pissed off." Zer0 said, his typical wisdom-filled voice now replaced by a tone of utter annoyance. Salvador shook his head quickly. "Uh-Uh. We just spent like five hours getting that damn thing, and I'm not in the mood to climb any steps!" the Gunzerker said crossing his arms. "Suit yourself small one. I will continue with them. Have some fun down here." Zer0 replied. Salvador scowled and flipped off the suited-assassin, suddenly feeling a bit rejuvenated, but still not in the mood to climb the steps. "Forget about it Zer0. let him stay down there if he wants to be lazy. We need to get this thing installed." Axton said, wiping a final bead of sweat from his forehead as he neared the device that the power core was to be installed in. The short, angry man growled and turned away, stomping towards the gates of Sanctuary. "Well screw you anyway..." he said under his breath. As the three other Vault Hunters began installing the new core, Salvador made his way into the town of Sanctuary. He figured the group would get a bit of down-time after this recent mission, with the town be safe and all, and decided to head to Scooter's Garage. Instantly, the smell of grease and body odor hit the Gunzerker, causing his nostrils to flare slightly as he entered the garage. It wasn't the worst smell he had ever experienced, but it wasn't exactly a field of flowers either. Several boxes of trash and various car parts lined the extensive walls of the large garage, adding to it's gritty and dirty external appearance. Salvador carefully shimmied by a wrecked vehicle as he dwelled deeper into the rotting garage. "Ayyyyy! Salvador! Sup' buddy?" Scooter said, sitting on a lawn chair on the opposite side of the concrete structure. The Gunzerker gave an exhausted wave as he crossed the large emptiness in the middle of the garage, approaching his greasy friend. "Y'all want a beer'er sum'thin?" Scooter asked, motioning to the cooler next to him. Salvador gave one nod and opened his palm. Scooter nodded and retrieved a bottle from the cooler, and tossed it to the short man. The gunzerker caught it, flicked the tip off, and took a large swig. As he pulled the bottle away from his lips, an unrestrained, pulse-pounding belch, left his mouth. Scooter raised an eyebrow as his friend moved closer, and took a seat in the gritty lawn chair beside him. "Y'ur lookin' sadder than an ugleh' Skag durin' matin' season. What's wrong, bud?" Scooter asked. "Just all of this running and running... I mean, I love blowing things up as much as the hombre', but do I really have to do all of this work?" Salvador said with a sigh. Scooter nodded and straightened his cap. "I hear ya' man. I have ta' sit in here all day long, look at all these piece-a' crap cars. Mah' ass starts to hurt after a while." the greasy mechanic said. Salvador chuckled and shook his head, placing the beer in his over-sized hand on the cement floor. "Can it, cabron'." the Gunzerker said with a smirk. Scooter chuckled as well and opened his mouth to speak, but was cut-off as Salvador's ECHO communicator signaled him. "Might wanna' get that, broseph." Scooter said nodding to the device. Salvador rolled his eyes and groaned. "Dios mio... What sucker needs our help now?" He said, putting two fingers to one of his ears. "Hey, you know... I think it's finally time to tell you that little secret..." a familiar voice said, slightly shrouded by the static of the ECHO communicator. "Oh... This puta' again..." Salvador said, rolling his eyes. "Angel's working for me." Handsome Jack continued. "Angel's working for me." "...working for me." ",,,for me." For a split second, Salvador's heart skipped a beat. His eyes went wide, in-sync with him springing to his feet from the lawn chair. "What?!" he shouted angrily. "Lowering Sanctuary's shield's Jack..." a woman's voice said reluctantly, over the ECHO device. Salvador looked to the mouth of the garage, and beyond the walls of Sanctuary to his fellow Vault Hunters. To his surprise, they all shared the same look of disbelief. "Ay', what's wrong, man?" Scooter asked, cautiously lifting himself off of the ragged chair. "Executing phase-shift." the voice continued. The ground beneath Salvador's feet shook slightly as an explosion sounded from just outside the city walls. "That's not a power core! Raiders, the shields are down! The shields are-!" a Crimson-Raider called over Salvador's ECHO. "Nicely done Angel! Now... Let's kill ourselves some Vault Hunters..." Handsome Jack continued. Salvador shook his head and charged towards the exit of the garage. "No... No! What the FU-?!" the Gunzerker shouted. "What the hell?! did something just get through the shield?!" Roland called over the ECHO. Scooter quickly sprinted out of the garage as well, a look of sheer terror present on his face. "Shields down, Roland! Aw, man... Somebody better start gettin' everybody underground!" Scooter shouted, sprinting out onto the street and up the steps leading to the center of town, screams echoing off of the walls of the city. Several large rockets plummeted from the sky, and rocked the center of town with several massive explosions, causing Salvador to topple slightly, but regain his balance within a matter of seconds. He shifted his view back to his fellow Vault Hunters, and quickly noticed them sprinting towards him. "What the hell happened?!" he shouted over the roar of the townsfolk and the shock of explosions. "Angel screwed us, Sal! She screwed us!" Axton replied, catching up with the Gunzerker. "Everybody! I've got a really bad idea. Scooter, get Sanctuary in the air! Roland, get me some Eridium!" Lilith shouted over the group's ECHOs. "The city, airborne? Such an absurd thought by her. It's not capable." Zer0 said, looking to the other Vault Hunters. "Pretty sure we can't do that without killin', I dunno', everyone in the city! It aint' ready to fly, Lilly!" Scooter shouted in reply. "You've got your orders Scooter, MOVE!" Roland shouted, causing Salvador to pull his head away from his finger. "Damn. I'd say shit is getting real, amigos!" Salvador shouted, screaming and various explosions still blaring throughout the walls of Sanctuary. "Meet me in the center of town, NOW! I'ma need y'ur help real bad!" Scooter screamed at the top of his lungs into his ECHO. Axton nodded and pulled his hand away from his ear, and cocked his head towards the center of town before bolting into a full sprint towards it. The other Vault Hunters quickly followed suit, dodging the rockets still pummeling the surface of the town. After several seconds of stumbling and avoiding explosions, the four reached Scooter, who was furiously slamming a wrench into one of the town's various Ignition Primers. "OK... Uhh... If we cycle the Ignition Primers... Uhh... Shoot, it'll get us somewhere!" Scooter said, not risking a glance away from his work. Salvador nodded and sprinted away from the group to the opposite side of the town's square. "I got the first one! You take the other one Axton!" Salvador shouted as he neared the first primer. The Gunzerker eventually reached a small, protruding panel, and slammed the palm of his hand into it, in-sync with Axton reaching the next panel and doing the same. Scooter quickly nodded and cocked his head upwards. "Alright, we're primed! EVERYBODY GET READY!" Scooter shouted as loud as his lungs would let him. Axton and Salvador charged back to Scooter, Zer0, and Lilith, carefully dodging explosions and panicking citizens. After a few seconds, a loud crash sounded over the ECHO systems of the Vault Hunters. "Ah! You son of a... I'm pinned! I can't get the Eridium to Lilith! Get to me, quick!" Roland shouted. "I will go, Comrades. Stay here and try not to die. Now, I disappear." Zer0 said. The suited-assassin quickly vanished, leaving Salvador, Axton, and Maya stumbling over their feet as explosions continued to rock the floor beneath them. "That bitch! I can't believe we trusted that stupid-ass holo-thingy!" Salvador shouted. "I outta' go rip out her god damn circuitry right now!" "Shut it, Sal! We need to focus on the task at hand!" Axton said, aiming his hand towards Salvador. The Gunzerker swatted the Commando's hand away angrily, a scowl on his face. "STOP undermining me!" Salvador shouted, his voice booming and angry. Axton tilted his head in disbelief, an appalled expression present on his face. "What are you talking about?!" the commando shouted in return. The Gunzerker charged forward and slammed the bottom of his fist into Axton's chest, and pointed a finger under his chin. "Ever since we started this, you've been screwing with me, and taking allll the glory! Well I'm done with it puta'! When this is over with. I'M OUT OF HERE!" Salvador said, shoving Axton backwards. The commando recoiled with a scowl and raised his fist in the air. "Oh, I'm gonna' wail on you, little man!" Axton said in a low grim tone. Maya looked between the two and stepped forward. "Knock it off! Do you really think we have time for this right now?!" Maya asked, angrily. "I dunno'! Do we have time for your face, IDIOT?!" Salvador shouted, pointing towards Axton. The three instantly stopped dead however, when a purple glow began resonating from the center of town. Axton narrowed his eyes and placed a hand over his eyebrows in an attempt to see. "Oh... Shit." Axton said under his breath. Suddenly, a large burst of energy erupted from the center of town, enveloping the three Vault Hunters in it's massive glow. Salvador shielded his eyes as the flash of light enveloped him, but it was too late. Lilith had already sent the Vault Hunters away. Axton was the first to open his eyes and recover from the large flash. He worriedly scanned the area around him, but calmed slightly as he realized he had just been sent to the outskirts of Sanctuary. Looking to his left, he realized that Lilith had been sent to the same location, followed by Zer0 appearing from his cloaked state. But someone was missing. Axton counted Maya and Zer0, but continued searching, only to find no trace of Salvador. "Sorry kids, that was an accident... I'll see you on the other side though, I promise. Hit it, Scooter!" Lilith said over the ECHO. "Where's Sal?! Zer0, Maya, you seen him?!" Axton shouted, still searching for the Gunzerker. Maya and Zer0 both looked to each other and shrugged. Back in Sanctuary, Scooter inhaled and exhaled deeply before looking to Lilith and smiling nervously. "Haha.... Man, this is one of them moments..." the mechanic said, running his hand along the back of his neck. He shook his head, shut both eyes, and slammed his opposite hand into the Ignition Primer. "CATCH A RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. To his surprise, the city shook furiously, and eventually began lifting up out of the ground. The ecstatic mechanic stood up and threw his Echo to the ground, then both of his arms in the air as he screamed in extreme happiness. "Hellllll yeah! I did it! I made this sum'bitch fly!!!" Scooter said, jumping up and down. Roland walked in-between Lilith and Scooter, looking up to the sky with a wicked smirk. "Roland! Did you see that?! I totally did eet'!" he shouted. The soldier stood still as he held two fingers two his ear, the smirk still present on his face. "A Siren." Roland said, almost inaudibly. Scooter raised an eyebrow as he jumped once more, and looked to Lilith. "Sup'?" She said, in the most bad ass tone humanly possible. Instantly, the entirety of Sanctuary was enveloped in a large glowing ball of blue, causing Scooter to cheer loudly as he soared through the air after one final jump. As the mechanic fell to the surface of Sanctuary however, the city disappeared with the blink of an eye beneath his feet. Sanctuary had completely vanished, leaving Scooter behind as he fell, a considerably larger distance now. The mechanic waved his arms wildly as he began falling towards the hole where Sanctuary used to be, and belted a high-pitched scream. "AH, WHAT THE HELL?!" Scooter screamed as he began falling farther. Below him was a small amount of purple-colored mist, left over from Lilith's massive phase-jump. As the screaming mechanic fell through the residue, it surrounded his whole body, causing a purple aura to glow around him. "CRAP! IT GOT IN MY MOUTH!" he shouted, viciously trying to scrape the Eridium-like substance off of his tongue. Axton quickly noticed the screaming blur falling from the sky, and raised an eyebrow. "Holy shit... is that Scooter?!" Axton asked, dumbfounded. Maya raised an eyebrow and looked in the same direction to find a glowing Scooter falling at intense speed from where Sanctuary used to be floating. "No way..." Maya said, her eyes widening. "Oh my god... I'd like ta'... Uhh... Say goodbye to my momma, and... M-My cousin Ellie... I ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON YOU ELLEH'!" Scooter screamed as he plummeted to his death. As the Mechanic's falling speed increased however, the residue on his skin began to glow brighter, until he was shining as bright as Lilith's initial jump. Axton and Maya raised their arms to cover their eyes on the ground as the glow became too bright. Eventually, a large flash, just like the one seen seconds ago, swallowed Scooter whole. When the Vault Hunters recovered from the flash, they saw nothing. No Sanctuary. No falling Scooter. And still no Salvador. Axton sighed and hung his head, before looking to Maya and Zer0 with an eyebrow raised. "Well what the hell do we do now?" he asked, annoyed. * * * "Thank yah' for comin' on such short-notice Twilight." Applejack said as she trotted along the path to Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight smiled and shook her head. "It's no problem Applejack. You sounded a bit worried." Twilight said, her tone growing slightly concerned. "Ah am, Sugarcube. I've never seen anything like this." AJ continued. Twilight cringed slightly as the words processed in her mind. Her and Applejack had seen a lot, so something unknown seemed a bit frightening. Nonetheless, the mare loved a good challenge. Maybe Princess Celestia would commend her for discovering a new species, or helping defend some sort of threat to Equestria. The mare smiled warmly at the thought and continued trotting as the two ponies neared Applejack's farm. The orange earthpony led Twilight to the barn through the seemingly endless fields of apple trees. She quickly noticed a large, smoking hole in the roof of the structure, and raised an eyebrow. "Was it a meteor or something...?" Twilight asked, looking to Applejack. The farmpony shook her head and pushed open the giant, red door of the barn. "Not quite, Twi..." she said. Twilight's jaw dropped as she examined the inside of the barn. Laying inside of a small hole in the floor of the barn, were two unconscious smoking creatures. Both had similar features, other than the fact that one had a large amount of fur on his face and was significantly shorter than the other. The shorter one looked burly, and slightly angry. While the taller one looked... Stupid, and more greasy. Both of the creatures had four limbs, a nose, eyes, a mouth, ears. Everything a pony would have, and more. The purple mare brought a hoof to her mouth worriedly. "Oh my..." she said, quietly.
Weird Lookin' SkagsWEIRD LOOKIN' SKAGS Salvador woke suddenly but kept his eyes shut. The pain swelling in his body probably wouldn't let them crack open anyway. The Gunzerker could feel a weight on his chest, adding to the pain he was already feeling, and causing him to sink in to the dirt below. He needed to piece together the recent events, try and find out what went wrong. He'd cycled his assigned ignition primer, Axton had cycled his, and then everything went blank. His memory was completely gone beyond that point. The Gunzerker's ears twitched slightly as his hearing began coming back to him. He could barely make out what sounded to be like female voices. "What do you reckon' we do, Twi?" one of them said, a southern-accent strong in her voice. "I don't know... Are they... You know... Dead?" another voice asked, this one sounding softer and more knowledgeable. Salvador shook his head weakly and sniffed through his nose in an attempt to clear it. He instantly caught a whiff of fresh grass and a hint of... Apples? He couldn't recall a time he had smelled anything like a fresh apple on Pandora. It was mostly just trash, body-odor, more trash, and the occasional pile of rancid droppings left behind by the undesirable creatures that inhabited the planet. "Ah don't think so... I just heard one of em'." the southern-voiced female added. Curiosity eventually got the better of Salvador, causing him to open his eyes slightly. He caught a small, blurry glimpse of two creatures standing in front of him, most likely hostile like every thing else on Pandora. "Shh... I think they're waking up." the female with the soft voice said. The Gunzerker tried to lean upwards into a sitting position, but was instantly stopped by the weight on his chest. A scowl came across the man's face as he cocked his head upwards and saw Scooter laying on him. "Scooter?! Get off me pendejo'!" Salvador said, shoving the mechanic off of him. Scooter instantly woke up with a small snort, and fell to his back as Salvador sat up. "Huh-? Uh-What?! Ellie... Don't forget to wear a..." Scooter mumbled, trailing off. Salvador simply shook his head and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his vision. Looking to his left, he caught site of two bright-colored, giant-eyed, four-legged creatures, staring at him worriedly. "Qué coño?!" he said, jumping to his feet, and back a few steps. The creatures simply stared at him in awe, their jaws almost touching the dirt floor beneath them. Scooter quickly shook awake upon hearing Salvador's outburst, and sat up groggily. His jaw nearly dropped to the floor as well as he took in the sight of these strange creatures. The Mechanic instantly sprang to his feet and dived behind a nearby pile of lose hay. "Skags! Holy hell! Their eyes 'r bigger' than Ellie's funbags!" Scooter shouted fearfully, cowering behind the hay. Salvador, on instinct, reached for both digistruct modules on his sides, hoping to retrieve two of his weapons and blow the weird-looking creatures to high hell. He was surprised however, when neither device provided a weapon. "Stupid pedazo de mierda..." he said, looking down the the two small boxes on each hip. "What'chu you waitin' for, Sal?!" Scooter shouted. One of the creatures, orange, with blonde hair and a brown hat atop it's head, leaned to the other creature, this one being purple with a matching hair color and a small appendage protruding from the colored hair. "Say somethin' Twi..." the southern-voiced creature said. Salvador's eyes went wide as the words left her lips, and looked to Scooter, who held the same expression. "Holy sheet! Skags can talk!" Scooter said frantically. The mechanic stood up in a crouched stance and looked slightly over the pile of hay. "Hey... Uhh... Weird lookin' Skag things... Do not eat us, we taste like crap." He said with a smirk, giving a thumbs-up to Salvador. The purple creature stepped forward and cleared her throat. "Hello... Uhm... I'm assuming we can understand eachother...?" it said, trying it's best to sound professional. "Taste. Like. Crap." Scooter said, sinking back behind cover. The creature raised an eyebrow and looked to Scooter, then to Salvador. "Can you understand me?" she asked, trying to communicate with him. The Gunzerker nodded dumbly. "Uhh... Good. Very good... Do you... Have a name?" she continued. "What the hell are you?" Salvador asked distantly, ignoring the creature's question completely. It looked confused for a moment, like it had never been asked that question. "M-Me? I'm a unicorn." she said, an expression of "duh" written across her face. Scooter peeked out from behind his makeshift cover again, an eyebrow raised. "That thing just say it was a unicorn?!" he asked, pointing a greasy finger at her. Salvador looked between Scooter and the creature for a moment before falling back onto the ground and inhaling deeply as he stared blankly upwards. "I've got to stop drinking..." Salvador said in an exhausted tone. The purple-haired creature sighed deeply, trying it's best to not become agitated. She smiled slightly and looked to Scooter once more. "Do you have a name?" she asked, an annoyed tone in her voice. Scooter ignored the question just as Salvador had done and quickly walked away from the pile of hay, cautiously approaching the "unicorn". "Helllllll, I didn't know Skags could be unicorns!" Scooter said, a wide grin spreading across his dirt-stained face. "I'M NOT A SKAG!" the creature shouted angrily, closing it's eyes. The mechanic jumped backwards in fear as the words echoed off of the structure they were in. After a few seconds of awkward silence, the unicorn cleared her throat again, and continued. "I am a pony. I'm unicorn, and my name is Twilight Sparkle." she said, trying her best to sound courteous and official. Scooter paused for a moment before bursting into laughter and falling back onto the dirt floor. He rolled around for several moments, nearly laughing himself to death as Twilight grew angry again. "The hell kinda' name is that? You a stripper unicorn or something?!" Scooter ask, barely able to breath. Salvador groaned and ran both hands down the sides of his face. "Unicorns... Stripper names... What the hell did you put in that beer, amigo?" he asked. The mechanic stopped dead and looked to his gunzerking friend with a scowl. "Woah brah', I don't ever spike no-" Scooter began. He was quickly cut off however, as a purple glow surrounded his body and levitated him upwards. The mechanic instantly started screaming and flailing his limbs in every direction. "Woah! The hell?! Siren dude-thing, 's that you?!" he screamed. "Your name! Tell me your name, now!" Twilight shouted angrily. "Scooter! Dang... Just put me down, freaky skag thing!" Scooter shouted, still flailing wildly in Twilight's magical grasp. The orange creature next to Twilight raised an eyebrow towards her. "Uhh, Twi? I think this is turning into an interrogation..." she said nervously. "Applejack! These things could be dangerous, we need to take every precaution!" the purple unicorn said, releasing Scooter from her levitation. The greasy mechanic fell to the floor of the barn with a harsh thud, causing a small amount of dust to cloud around him as he coughed, trying regain his breath. He then looked to Applejack, an expression of awe on his face. "Did someone really name you after a cereal...?" he asked, dumbfounded. Applejack seemed surprised by the question and blinked. "A what now?" she replied. "Ah knew it! I told some people we should start namin' things after food! That would make things sooooo much easi'er to 'member." Scooter said, a wide grin on his face. The orange pony sighed and looked to the ground covering her face slightly with her hat. "What do you 'reckon we do, Twi?" she asked, returning the brown stetson to the top of her head and looking to her horned friend. Twilight put a hoof under her chin in thought for a moment. The creatures didn't necessarily seem all that intelligent. At least one of them didn't anyway. After several seconds of thought, a bright smile spread across the mare's face. "I know! I'll take them back to the library, where we can keep a close eye on them. Then, send a letter to the princess. She'd know how to deal with these... uhh... Things." Twilight said. Applejack nodded and motioned to Scooter with her hoof. "C'mon, Scooter. We're heading to Twilight's house." she said in the nicest tone she could muster, despite her annoyance to the situation. Scooter's jaw dropped yet again. "Ho-lee sheeet! Unicorns live in houses?!" the mechanic asked, awestruck. Twilight sighed yet again and lowered her head. Nothing's ever simple... Is it? she thought. * * * As the four walked through the center of Ponyville in the direction of Twilight's house, Salvador mumbled quietly to himself, while Scooter questioned legitimately everything he saw, forcing Applejack to answer stupid question after stupid question. Thankfully, the early time of the day granted them the luxury of having no questions about the strange creatures following them around. "So... Them there flags... Ponies build those, too?" Scooter asked, pointing to some of the various flags hung throughout Ponyville. "Yes, Scooter." Applejack replied with a sigh. "Same with the Town Hall, the six houses, the fence, the restaurant, and the water fountain. Anything else?" Scooter paused for a moment, still following behind Twilight and Salvador, Applejack trotting beside him. "Nah. I'm good." he said with a shrug. Applejack sighed in relief and smiled slightly. "So... I never got your name." Twilight said, nervously looking to Salvador. She hadn't felt anything but... Pity, when she had seen Scooter. But when she looked at the Gunzerker, she felt something completely different. Fear. Something about the human intimidated her extensively. Almost to the point in which she would like to go home and hide under her bed for a few years. "Salvador." he replied, his voice gritty and low. Twilight nodded and continued trotting, remaining silent for several seconds. "Is that your friend?" she continued, tilting her head back to the oblivious mechanic. Salvador nodded wordlessly. "Alright... Well it makes sense, you both seem to be the same species and-" "Stop." Salvador said, shaking his head. The unicorn instantly shut her mouth and slowed her trot as Sal brought a hand to his face and scratched at his eye with the center of his palm. "I just want this hangover to pass so I can figure out who the hell you are, amigo." Salvador continued. Twilight had no idea whatsoever what this hangover was supposed to be, but nodded regardless and continued trotting. Within a few more minutes of awkward silence, save for the pitter-patter of footsteps and hoofsteps on the dirt paths of Ponyville, the group reached Twilight's library. "Y'all livin' in a tree?" Scooter asked, raising an eyebrow. Twilight nodded solemnly. "Yes. It's actually a library." she said matter-of-factually. Scooter shook his head slowly. "That's just unhealthy." the mechanic replied quietly. The purple unicorn twitched in frustration as she pushed open the door to her home, and invited the inter-dimensional guests in. Scooter carelessly entered the home, while Salvador groggily stomped in. "So... What's with all this 'princess', stuff?" Scooter said, adding finger-quotes to stress his point. Twilight raised an eyebrow as she entered the library and used her magic to shut the door. "Princess Celestia?" she asked. "Uhh... Yeah. That one. I aint' never heard of no princesses on Pandora. Just seems weird." Scooter continued. "Pandora?" Twilight asked, growing more confused. Scooter chuckled lightly and looked to Salvador for a moment. "Well duhhhh. The giant piece of crap planet that yur' standin' on. Jeez..." The mechanic continued. The unicorn furrowed both eyebrows quizzically and gently tapped her hoof to the floor. "This is Equestria, you're not on... Pandora, or whatever." she replied. Salvador's eyes went wide for a moment as the words processed in his mind. He quickly spun around to face Twilight. "What did you just say?" he asked. "You're not on Pandora?" Twilight replied. The Gunzerker's expression instantly sunk upon hearing the statement a second time. He sighed and let his head fall into one of his hands. "Oh crap... Daaaaaamn.... I swear I left the washer' runnin'." Scooter said, a frown washing across his face.
Apples and E-TechAPPLES AND E-TECH Rainbow Dash approached the door to Twilight's Treehouse reluctantly, Pinkie Pie bouncing happily at her side. The rainbow maned pegasus held a wry expression, irritated that her regular "Afternoon Nap" had been interrupted. She looked to the bubbly pink pony bouncing next to her and raised an eyebrow. "What are you so happy about? Twilight asked us to help her." she said, the irritation beginning to show in her boy-ish voice. Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing for a moment and shrugged. "I dunno'. Maybe she's got a giant cupcake or something that she wants us to eat for her!" the earthpony said with a wide smile, her eyes happily glistening in the sunlight of the afternoon. Dash rolled her eyes as the two reached the door "I'm pretty sure she just wants us to... Write a stupid paper or something." the pegasus said, reaching a hoof up to the door reluctantly. Before the rainbow-maned pony could knock, the door opened, and she was pulled in without warning along with Pinkie Pie. As soon as her view adjusted after being roughly pulled in, she saw Applejack over her, holding a hoof to her mouth and pointing to two creatures standing in front of Twilight. "So then the Lilith lady phase- uhh... Thing-y'd us, and I ended up here." Salvador said, looking the unicorn in the eyes sincerely. It wasn't hard for the Gunzerker to do so, seeing as he was about the height of your average pony... But still, he meant business. Scooter stood just next to him, also trying to explain the situation to Twilight. "Yeah, and then Ah got the whole dang' city to float, y'know cuz' I'ma bonafide bad ass n'stuff? So ah was' jumpin' up and down, and all'a sudden, 'whole damn citys' just like whoosh, see'ya later, Scooter! So ah fall down n'shit, and then I'm here, my best bud Sally with me." Scooter said, his dialect barely legible to the purple-maned unicorn in front of him. While Twilight took a few moments to reflect on the interesting explanation of their arrival, Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief at the two humans. She quickly shook her head and leaned closer to her stetson-wearing friend. "What are those things?!" she asked in a quizzically and hushed tone. "They call themselves' humans, er' somethin' like that. Just... Keep quiet for a sec." Applejack said, trying to hush her friend once more. "Humans?! That sounds awesome! Are they like, aliens?!" Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing over to the two. Salvador and Scooter paused for a moment before looking in the direction of the three ponies on the other side of the room. The Mechanic's face quickly molded into a bright smile as he examined Rainbow Dash's mane. "Say whaaat?! This one's got RAINBOW HAIR?!" he asked, rushing over to the pegasus. Dash had no time to react before the greasy mechanic began poking at her face with his index finger. "This is the coolest shit ah'seen in all mah' life..." he said, repeatedly prodding at cheek, leaving behind a distinct smudge of black grease. The pegasus quickly shoved Scooter away and backed up, putting her hooves up in defense. "Hey! Watch it!" she said, her previous annoyance finally bubbling over into anger. She placed a hoof to her face for a moment, and wiped some of the grease from her cheek. After examining it for a moment, she growled and narrowed her eyebrows. "Twilight... Who is this...?" she asked, trying to keep herself reserved. The purple unicorn sighed and pointed to the both of them with a wry expression. "This is Scooter... This is Salvador... They're aliens." Dash opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off as Pinkie Pie jumped in her way. "I know it! They are aliens! I love aliens, they like, do alien things and stuff like that!" she said joyfully. Salvador eyed the pink pony with an arched eyebrow, pondering why the hell she was so happy. But, after a moment of her high-pitched voice and bubbly attitude, he began to chuckle slightly. Something about her made him laugh. "Ha! Ten seconds after meeting them and I already got one to laugh!" Pinkie said, looking back to Rainbow Dash with a grin. Scooter turned his head to Salvador and looked down to the Gunzerker with an eyebrow raised. "What?! She's funny!" Salvador said with a shrug, pointing both arms towards her. "Ah'm never gonna' let you live this down..." Scooter said, stifling his own chuckle. "Bite me, Cabron'..." the Gunzerker replied, rolling his eyes. As the two humans argued, Twilight managed to make her way around them, and next to her three friends. She exhaled deeply and brought a hoof to her chest before extending it outwards. "I-I need to calm down, and get a letter to the Princess. Can you take them for a bit? Please?!" she asked. Rainbow Dash shook her head quickly and pointed to her greasy hoof. "Uh, hello?! No! I don't want to be anywhere near Touchy-Face Mcghee!" Dash said, her tone still irritated. "Oh, hush." Applejack said shaking her head towards the rainbow-maned mare. "We'll take em'. Ah need some help around the farm while ah'm fixin' the farmhouse anyway. Ah'm sure those fellas' would love ta' see the Zap Apple Harvest. Might even calm em' down." she replied with a smile. Twilight elicited a relieved sigh and smiled at her farmpony friend. "Thank you. I'll be make sure I'm not too long." she said. "Does this mean I get to hang out with the aliens more?!" Pinkie said, her expression completely ecstatic. "Yes Pinkie... Please stop interrupting." Twilight replied. "Okie Dokie Lokie." the pink pony said, backing up a few feet, her smile still holding. * * * "Where the hell are we going again?" Salvador asked, walking down a dirt path just outside of Ponyville, Scooter, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack by his side. "Mah farm... Yah' don't remember the twenty other times ah told'ya?" Applejack replied, slightly annoyed. Salvador chuckled and pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "I was staring at that bush over there and forgot." he replied. Scooter swiftly spun around and stopped walking, looking towards the direction of Salvador's point, searching frantically for the bush. "Where? Ah wanna' see everything this' places' got'ta offer." he said, scanning the road behind him. "idiota..." Salvador said under his breath with a slight chuckle. "Is' nothing, amigo. Let's just get to this farm." he continued shaking his head slightly. The mechanic shrugged and continued down the path with the colored equines and his badass, midget friend. Eventually, the five of them reached the front gate of Sweet Apple Acres. Salvador and the four ponies passed through the entrance with ease, but Scooter ended up having to limbo his way under. As they approached the barn, Applejack flagged Big Macintosh, who was standing next to it, eyeing the broken roof with a confused expression. He quickly noticed his sister, and opened his mouth to speak as he pointed towards the barn. "Ah know. These two... Uhh'... Guys, did that earlier." Applejack said, nodding back to Salvador and Scooter. Scooter gave a dumb wave while Salvador rolled his eyes. "Uhh... I..." Mac replied with a single blink. "They're super advanced, technological, alien life-forms!" Pinkie blurted out, causing Applejack to sigh once more. "Aliens...?" the large earth stallion replied, scratching his head. "They're gonna help you with the Zap Apple harvest." Applejack said, before Pinkie could further exaggerate the situation. Macintosh looked over his sister's shoulder once more at the strange creatures, and eventually shrugged. "Ahlright. As long as the barn gets fixed..." Mac said hesitantly, pointing to the bright-red structure behind him. Applejack nodded and pushed the two humans forward, motioning for Pinkie and Dash to retreat in the barn with her. The two quickly complied, leaving the humans standing in front of Big Macintosh, and awkward silence hanging in the air. Macintosh ran a hoof along his brow with a wry expression while Salvador and Scooter stood in front of him, awaiting his word. "Well... It doesn't look like y'all can kick... But ah guess y'all can pick. Let's get to work." Mac said, motioning to the rows of apple trees, each one bearing rainbow-striped, glowing fruit. Scooter turned and caught one glimpse of the fruit, and his jaw fell open. "Daaaaaamn, is everything rainbows here?!" he said with a chuckle. Mac nodded, keeping his un-amused expression, and walked past the two. "Just about... Now hurry up. AJ said ya'll were helpin', and this harvest is the most important." the large, red stallion said, disappearing among the Zap Apple trees. Scooter nodded and looked to Salvador with a wide grin. "Damn, man. This right here is the shiiiiiit! Pickin' rainbow fruit, surrounded by a bunch'a unicorns?!" Scooter said, walking towards the first apple tree. Salvador grumbled angrily under his breath. "I don't care where we are, I just really need to shoot something already..." the gunzerker said in a low-tone, grinding his teeth together in anticipation for a fight. Scooter chuckled and rolled his eyes as he reached the first tree and took off his hat, revealing a head of hair that was even greasier than the rest of his body. He tossed it on the ground and began to climb the base of the tree, struggling to grasp each branch. "Heh, out of shape, aren't you amigo?" Salvador called up to him, cupping both hands over his mouth. "Hey, shut up, Sal! Ah ain't been outta the garage in a while!" the mechanic called in return, reaching for the nearest rainbow-striped apple. "Gah, look! Ahm'a bout' to eat mah' first Rainbow-Apple'a-Awesomness." Scooters hand reached out spastically, trying to wrap his fingers around the fruit and pick it free from the wooden branch. After a few seconds of effort, and a few choice insults from Salvador, the mechanic was finally able to retrieve the fruit, and threw both arms into the air victoriously. "Yeah-ha-ha! Look at me now, Mama- AH! WHAT THE HELL?! " Scooter screamed, dropping the fruit from the tree. The apple glowed brightly as it fell, shrouded in a thick layer of blue sparks. It fell fast and hard, landing directly on Salvador's head, and sending an electrical charge throughout his body. As the apple rolled away, the gunzerker stumbled backwards, covered in sparks from head-to-toe. It was usual for the vault hunter to feel this kind of punishment, along with the charging up of his "heads-up-display". Salvador stopped dead, and looked down to his digistruct devices, which were both glowing brightly, "What the hell...?" he asked quietly to himself. "Ah shit man, sorry! You OK? You lookin' brighter than Lilly after she swallows one'a them purple crack-rocks!" Scooter shouted from the tree branch. As the electricity continued swirling around Salvador's body, a wicked grin grew on his face, along with his H.U.D continuing to charge up. Scooter quickly noticed the change in expression, and the glowing boxes on Salvador's hips. "Oh no... Now Sally... Calm down, bro... Ah'ma need you to calm your nips there pally..." Scooter said, putting his hands towards the gunzerker defensively. As the digistructs were finally fully charged due to the electricity, Salvador's grin had reached full-mast, causing his grizzly face to shine with a wicked smile. Scooter sighed and propped himself against the tree, covering his face. "Aw, this is gon' suck..." he said quietly. One signal on his H.U.D was all it took for the Gunzerker to begin his rampage. He threw both of his arms under their opposite sides, and pulled two massive weapons from each digistruct module. In one hand, a brightly glowing BANDIT assault rifle. The other, a Hyperion shotgun. Without hesitation, Salvador threw the muzzles of both weapons in the air and unleashed a barrage of fire, laughing maniacally. "Tiiiiiiime to COMPENSATE!" Salvador screamed as loud as his vocal chords would let him, mindlessly firing his weapons in to the air, a shower of shells and bullet-casings showering the ground beneath him. Nearby in the barn, Rainbow Dash was the first to hear the gunfire, and trotted hurriedly to a nearby window to catch a glimpse of the rampage going on in the apple fields. "A-AJ! Get over here!" she shouted back into the barn nervously. The farm pony raised an eyebrow as the sound of rampant gunfire made it's way to her ears, and trotted towards the barn window as well. "What is all that racket?" she asked, nearing the window, and propping herself onto the sill next to Rainbow Dash. She was greeted by the sight of a tremendously-short Salvador, ripping through all of her Zap-Apple trees with two mysterious tools. "B IS FOR BULLETS, BITCH!" the Vault Hunter shouted in the distance. "What in the buck is he doin'?! He's supposed to pick the apples not blow em' away!" she shouted angrily. Before Rainbow Dash could respond, she was cut off by the sound of the barn doors slamming open. Scooter stood hunched-over, panting heavily. He stood up straight, a look of complete terror on his face, and shouted at the top of his lungs. "SHUT YUR' PONY MOUTHS AND GIT YUR' ASSES IN TO COVER, PRONTO!" Rainbow Dash looked to Applejack fearfully, who did the same in return, frozen by fear as the rampage in the fields continued, the gunshots coming closer. The greasy mechanic broke off in to a sprint towards the two, and dived in to the ponies, knocking them both behind a bale of hay. "VIO-LENNNNNNCE! Salvador screamed, stomping throughout the fields, mowing down several trees and shooting apples as they sprang in to the air. For some reason, the apples granted him a small XP bonus for each one destroyed, so he saw no reason to stop. The rampage continued for several more seconds, nearing the barn. Once the large red structure came into view, Salvador reloaded both weapons within a split-second, and aimed them both at the barn. Because the color red is always bad, right? Rainbow Dash and Applejack screamed in terror as bullets ripped through the wooden structure of the barn, while Pinkie Pie bounced around playfully, giggling as shards of wood flew around her. "Ha! It sounds like a song! It's like; 'Ratta-tat-a-rat-a-tah-ta-ta-ta'!" she said, a wide grin on her face. Scooter looked up from behind the hay bale and motioned to Pinkie wildly. "Find some cover, yah' dumbass piece'a cotton candy!" he shouted. Pinkie stopped dead, her expression completely blank, bullets whizzing past her face and causing her mane to blow slightly in the direction of the gunfire. After a moment, she smiled again, and began bouncing towards the hay bale her friends were taking cover behind. "Great! I'm cotton-candy!" she shouted with glee. After several more seconds of the intense rampage, the gunfire stopped abruptly as Salvador's energy ran out. He sighed in relief and placed the shotgun in his opposite hand back to the Digistruct, where it quickly pixeled away. Scooter let go of the two ponies under him and looked down at his torso, before jumping up, both fists in the air victoriously. "Yeah! Picked'a apple today, AND ah ain't dead after Sally throws a pissy-fit!" he said, a bright smile on his face. Pinkie Pie instantly joined him in his cheering, throwing both hooves into the air. "Yeah! Hooray for not dying!" she said, her eyes closed due to the massive smile stretching across her face. Applejack slowly poked her head out from behind the hay bale, her anger slowly rising as she examined the nearly-demolished structure around her. The walls were almost completely punched out by the massive amount of bullets, and the roof was barely staying up. "What... What... What... What just HAPPENED?!" Rainbow screamed, still trying to catch her breath. Scooter stopped hopping for a moment and nodded his head towards the field. "Oh, Sal's gotta shoot shit or he get's'all pissed off." Almost perfectly on time, the gunzerker kicked open the door to the barn and raised his gun into the air. "Finito!" he shouted joyfully, before holstering his weapon in the digistruct and walking towards Scooter. Applejack's eye twitched as the anger began to boil over, her face almost completely red, and her teeth grinding against eachother as several planks fell from the rafters above her. "I think I broke the apples!" Salvador said, approaching Scooter. He quickly noticed her angered expression however, and raised an eyebrow to everyone else in the room. "Sheesh... What's her prob-?" "Get out." she said in a low, grim tone. "Huh?" Salvador replied, slightly confused. Applejack pointed a hoof to the pink party pony standing next to Scooter and then to Salvador. "Get'im out. Take him anywhere, do whatever. Just get'im out. Now." she said, keeping her tone firm. Pinkie Pie shrugged and trotted past the gunzerker, still in her bubbly attitude. "C'mon alien thing! We've got lots of cool stuff we can do!" she said happily, exiting the mostly-destroyed barn. Salvador looked to Scooter, completely confused. The mechanic simply shrugged. "You should do what she says, man. One'a them horses'll kick yur' junk harder than a skag on it's period." he said motioning to Pinkie. Salvador sighed and followed Pinkie Pie out of the barn, his head in his hand once more. "Try to have some fun, and this is what I get... Pendejada..." he said, his voice irritated and low. Applejack briskly pointed a hoof to Scooter, her face still wrapped up in a scowl. "Yur' helpin' me fix this." she said angrily. Scooter nodded as fast and as quick as his neck would let him. "Yes ma'am." he replied.
Blazin' CupcakesBLAZIN' CUPCAKES "Making cupcakes?! Are you freaking kidding me?!" Salvador asked, a look of complete disbelief on his face. The bright, colorful decor of Sugar Cube Corner's kitchen already irritated the Gunzerker enough, ten seconds in Tiny Tina's Den had him dry heaving for hours, but the concept of singing cheerful songs and baking delectable treats made him want to jump off of cliff... Again. "Awww come on, it'll be fun!" Pinkie Pie said, bouncing away from the swinging doors of the kitchen towards the stove. "No." Salvador replied, walking away from the swinging flaps of wood as well. Pinkie rolled her eyes playfully and turned one of the nobs on the oven, causing a small flame to appear inside of the metallic box. She then spun around quickly to face Salvador, her eyes glowing in anticipation. "So what do you want to do first? Personally I loooooove getting all of the materials ready with all the anticipation and stuff, or we can even sing a song first! Oooooh that's so much-" Pinkie said cheerfully. "Cut it, pony." Salvador said, hopping up onto the counter with a small grunt. "I aint' singin' and I told you I aint' makin' cupcakes." Pinkie frowned slightly and looked to the ground in thought. There had been ways of manipulating other ponies into doing what she wanted, an ancient secret passed down between cute, bubbly mares for generations. She hated doing it, but she wanted to make this new alien feel happy at any and all costs... She had to pout. "What are you doing?" Salvador asked, looking up at Pinkie's face. The party mare's bottom lip quivered slightly as it protruded from her face, her ears fell down and drooped slightly, and her irises grew and almost filled her entire eye ball. An irresistible pout. "Pleassse...?" she asked quietly. "Stop that." the Gunzerker replied with a wry expression. "Pleassssssssse...?" Pinkie asked again, her face twisting even more into despair. "No." "Pleassssssssssssssssssssssse...?" the party pony said, suddenly appearing next to the grumbling man. The Gunzerker jumped in fear and fell from the counter as he elicited a high-pitched scream of intense fear, smashing onto the wooden floor with a loud smash! "Oh gosh, are you OK Sally?!" Pinkie asked worriedly, hopping off of the counter beside him. "Fine... Now just make your cupcakes and don't ever do that again." Salvador said, pulling himself up and dusting off his bright-orange shirt. "Together, right?" she asked with a bright smile. Salvador narrowed his eyebrows at the bubbly pony for a moment before sighing and hanging his head. "Sure. Fine. Whatever pendajo'." he said, annoyed. Pinkie Pie's smile, unbelievably, grew in size as she bounced happily in front of Salvador. "Great! You're going to love this, Sal!" she said. Pinkie reared up on her hind legs and cocked her head upwards as she placed a hoof on her chest. She inhaled deeply for several seconds, her head moving back as she did so, and prepared to belt a note at the top of her lungs. She was silenced however, as Salvador grabbed her lips and pulled her close to him. "But I aint' singing." he said in a low tone. Pinkie nodded and smiled through his grip on her lips. "Mmph. Hudda mmph mmph!" the pony said, her mouth tightly constricted. Salvador rolled his eyes and chuckled, releasing her lips. "That's fine, it'll still be fun!" Pinkie repeated. The Gunzerker rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face as Pinkie shuffled away from him towards the cupboard. With excellent precision, Pinkie quickly grabbed each ingredient needed to prepare the treats in under a second, then kicked he door to the pantry shut as she approached the counter. While the pony worked, Salvador looked around the room. The colors still irritated him beyond relief. But the decor, it was all hearts. Kinda like Moxxi's place. He could probably get used to that. "Over here, Salvador!" Pinkie chirped from across the room, breaking the Gunzerker's concentration. The man shook his head and blinked as he made his way over to Pinkie. "What?" he asked sharply. "You're going to help me put together the batter!" she replied happily. "Yaaaaay." Salvador said, unamused. "Here. I'll read off the ingredients and you just add them to this bowl, alright?" she said, pointing to a large, blue bowl just in front of them, filled halfway with clear, sparkling water. Salvador nodded and placed his hands over the collection of ingredients just beside the bowl, awaiting her orders. "OK, we need a 2 cups of flower." Pinkie said, picking up a list from the counter. The Gunzerker paused for a moment before looking to his pink companion. "The hells' a cup?" he asked, confused. "You don't have cups where you're from?" she replied, just as puzzled. "Well if I knew what the hell that was, I'd tell you." "Uhh... Well... It's a thing you... Drink out of." "Like a can?" "Uhh... Yeah." "Then why did't you just say a can of flour, puta'?!" "Well, I just kind of figured-" "Screw it! We'll put the whole bag in!" Salvador said, taking the sack of flower and slamming it into the bowl. "What's next?!" Pinkie looked to the ripped open sack of flour in the bowl and cringed slightly. Maybe a bit of burlap sack would make them taste even better? "Uhh... Eggs?" she said, worriedly. "Eggs, huh?" Salvador replied, taking the carton of eggs in both hands. He eyed the small cardboard carton for a moment before slowly cracking it open and taking an egg gently in his hand. By now a bead of sweat had formed on Pinkie's brow as she bit her lip in anticipation. The eggs were probably the most important part of her famous cupcakes, just a tiny bit of shell and the whole batch was ruined! A knot formed in her gut as she pictured Salvador accidentally dropping part of the egg into her batch. Mass hysteria. Ponies dying in the streets. Equestria quite literally imploding on itself. "Careful now, Sal... This is the most important part..." Pinkie said shakily. "I got it, I got it..." Salvador replied, his hand shaking as he brought the egg in his hand carefully towards the bowl. "Diligence... Diligence..." she said, her teeth chattering. As Salvador brought the egg close to the edge of the bowl, he gently knocked it on the edge of the plastic dish. His face fell into an expression of determination as it didn't crack, and knocked it against the edge once more, a bit harder. Nothing. The egg didn't even crack in the slightest. The Gunzerker began to twitch slightly in anger as he continuously knocked the egg against the side of the plastic, each time growing angrier and angrier as the egg took no damage. "Sal..." Pinkie said quietly. Suddenly, a blood thirsty roar erupted from the kitchen as Salvador slammed the egg into the bowl of water and flour. Then took another from the carton and crushed it in his hand, and let the contents seep into the bowl. "Ha! Now THIS is fun!" he said, continuously throwing egg after egg into the mix of egg shells and muck. Pinkie watched in disbelief as the Gunzerker laughed maniacally and emptied the whole carton of eggs into the bowl and proceeded to punch it's contents with extreme prejudice. After several seconds, he stopped and turned to Pinkie, covered in egg goop and flowery muck. "This is freakin' awesome! What's next, comadre'?!" he asked happily, a vicious smile on his face. The pink party mare was seconds from passing out, her eyes fluttering and the knot in her stomach tightening as she saw the mess of cupcake battered splattered around the bowl. But then, she noticed something amazing. Salvador's smile. She'd accomplished what she'd set out to do... Salvador was crazy happy. After a few short seconds, she smiled as well and looked to the list. "We need to put it into the tray, and bake it at 350!" Pinkie said, narrowing her eyebrows and slamming a tray cupcake tray onto the counter. "Yeah-ha-ha!" Salvador roared happily. Without warning, the Gunzerker took the blue bowl of crap high over his head, and slammed it onto the tray, splattering Pinkie and him in the goopy mess. "GET OFF MY PLANE!" he shouted, repeatedly slamming the bowl onto the tray, denting it and filling a few of the slots with rancid cupcake mix. Pinkie backed away slightly from the spray of muck and sighed in relief. Her batch may be ruined, but at least the alien was having a good time. Several more slams of the bowl later, Salvador took the tray in both hands, and turned to Pinkie. "WHERE'S THE OVEN?!" he asked, the vicious smile on his face even larger. Pinkie giggled and pointed to the oven she had already preheated, just beside the counter. Salvador spun around quickly, growling as he eyed the oven. He reached one arm to the metallic handle on the am of the oven and threw it open, causing a large slam to echo off of the kitchen's walls as he tossed the cupcakes inside. "HA! Nothing to it!" Salvador said, turning around and posing triumphantly for Pinkie. The party mare's eyes quickly grew in fear as she noticed the oven door still hanging open. "Salvador, look out! That's really-" she began. She was cut off however as Salvador was fully engulfed in flames. "DANGEROUS!" she called, placing both hooves on either side of her head, her face twisting into an expression of sheer terror. Salvador stood wordlessly for a moment, raising an eyebrow to Pinkie. "The hell are you on about compa- Wait... What's that smell?" he asked, sniffing at the air. He then looked down to notice his body swallowed in a brightly-glowing flame. "Oh. That." he said nonchalantly. Pinkie narrowed both eyebrows in disbelief, frozen in fear. "Doesn't that hurt you?!" she asked, terrified. "Nahhhh. Not until my shield goes out." Salvador said with a shrug. The Gunzerker's pupils quickly shrank however, as the distinct sound of breaking glass echoed in his ears. He instantly began screaming at the top of his lungs and fell to his knees, trying to pat out the flames surrounding his body. "ACK! GAH! MAKE IT STOP!" Salvador screamed rolling back and forth on the floor of the kitchen. Pinkie shuffled nervously for a moment and rushed to the sink, where she began filling up a bowl of water. "Don't worry Sal, I've gotcha'!" she said, forcing a smile onto her face. After a few moments of waiting for the water to reach the brim, Pinkie rushed over to the Flaming Gunzerker and threw the bucket onto him, dousing the flames immediately. He sat with a blank expression for a few moments, blinking several times. "Are you... Alright?" Pinkie asked, certain that she'd caused some sort of serious brain damage. "Yeah. Just waiting to heal." he said with a shrug, standing back up. "Oh! Well I have some band aids in the bathroom-" "No. Band aids are for pussies and Hyperion dick-weeds." Salvador said, shaking his head. Pinkie raised an eyebrow, curious what as to what a Hyperion was. "Well uhh... How do you heal-?" she asked nervously. "Ah, dammit. It stopped..." he said cutting her off and turning to her. "Punch me in the face, compadre'." Pinkie had pretty much heard it all from her friends, but this alien had a weird way of showing friendship. She cringed slightly at the thought of hurting him, and backed away a few inches. "Punch you... I-In the... In the face?" she asked with a nervous laugh. Salvador nodded and pointed to his chin. "Ci, amigo. Right here." The pink party mare shook her head slowly. "I uhh... I can't do that. I don't exactly like punching things." "OK, listen Pinkie. I did all of that annoying crap with the cupcakes and the fire and the blah blah, the least you could do is slug my in the jaw!" he yelled. Pinkie sighed and nodded. Without further warning, she cocked her hoof back and threw it into Salvador's jaw, knocking him a few feet backwards. "Oh gosh! I'm so sorry Mister Salvador! Please don't stop being my friend!" she screamed, immediately regretting her action. Salvador smiled widely as he began to slowly feel rejuvenated, and roared in happiness as he took Pinkie's head under his arm and ran his fist through her mane. "Haha! Thank you compadre'. Feelin' better already! Now, what's next for those cup thingies-" he said. "Pinkie, Salvador!" Rainbow Dash screamed from beyond the kitchen. The rainbow pegasus quickly shot into the room and landed on her four hooves, sliding to a stop just in front of the two. "Haha, that- tickles! Hehe! What's up Dashie?!" Pinkie asked, giggling as Salvador frazzled her mane with his fist. "We need you back at Sweet Apple acres, like, now." Rainbow said sternly. Pinkie raised an eyebrow and pulled herself out of Salvador's grasp, her mane sticking up and outwards. "What's wrong?" she asked worriedly. "It's Scooter... and Scootaloo." Dash replied, swallowing hard.
