Jokes and Fake Smilesby ianv64ChaptersGood times become Blue.Friendly Suspicions.Overflow and Overreaction.Leave to Start NewIt's UnfortunateGood times become Blue."Hey, Kaoss." Said a friendly voice I can always recognize. Fluttershy. "Oh, Hey Fluttershy, how are ya?" I greet. "Oh, I'm fine." She replied. "Are you going to the Festival after school?" She asks. "Yeah, definitely. It will be quite a MARE a-thon!" I joke making a joke face after. She laughs. "Oh, you!" She said. I forgot about the festival. It's something they do for artists and musicians to promote themselves. The food is affordable, and water is free, so no one has to be dehydrated. I love the musicians that perform there. They only have it in Ponyville once every year. It's usually in Canterlot, or Manehatten, or somewhere a little more populated. Fluttershy and her friends go to. In fact, that's where I met them. In fact, I brought my own guitar. I had an acoustic. I wasn't set up like most people were. They had business cards, and more fancy equipment. I just sat on a bench with my guitar, and played for awhile. No one really noticed or anything. In fact, Fluttershy was the ONE pony who talked to me. My friends didn't come. Or at least I didn't see any of them, with the exception of a few ponies I knew of, but didn't really talk to. I got to know Fluttershy pretty well. She's very kind. She's a little older than me, but those are the people who talk to me anyway. I'm a 16 year old colt, and it's tough to find colts my age who are anywhere near my personality. I like fine arts, and writing, and science. I'm extremely nerdy,and my friends are too. I don't have many friends at school, and I get picked on a lot. When I'm with people that care about me, I'm an open book...well, kind of. I'm talkative, and, well a lot of them tell me I'm hilarious, and random. Fluttershy's friend Pinkie Pie is random too. I don't talk to Pinkie, or many of Fluttershy's friends often, but Fluttershy talks to me a lot. Ponies who I talk to think I like her. I mean, she's very cute, but she's a little too....shy. It's almost... boring. I make her laugh a lot. It seems to be the only time she even gets close to exceeding 2% of normal voice volume. But she's nice, and when there's others around, it's hard to know when she's talking. I still like talking to her. When we do talk, it's usually about deep thoughts. Like "I wonder what's beyond life" or something I like to be thoughtful and creative about. We lay in the grass, near the festival grounds. We were having our usual "what if" conversations. We get into these a lot. Our views differ slightly, so getting different points of view enlightens me. "What do you think is beyond this place? What do you think may happen when you or I die?" I ask, contributing to the conversation. "If there's anything beyond this world, I wouldn't really wanna try to know what it is yet. Then there's no surprise. If it's beautiful and like heaven, then I'd like that one to hit me by surprise. If it's something horrid,, I wouldn't want to know, because then I'd spend my entire existence knowing I'd be there afterwards. Then I'd never really accomplish anything, because I'd think that it doesn't mean anything. So, living without either for now is a good balance." Fluttershy's point of view is very simple. I do agree with her with the surprise, and that it would be worth it. I notice the 'balance' concept comes to mind when I think of her. She's always about evening things out.Balanced relationships, balance of kindness to being assertive, balance of life in general. It fits her. "But if it WAS good, wouldn't you wanna, maybe know what you're capable of at that point?" I say. "If you can come down back here and watch over all your relatives, or the next generation...the future, how we progress, and what people think of us, and what people think of us when we're gone? I think that'd be awesome to know." "It would." She nods. "But then you'd spend too much time looking forward. You might not pay attention to little things, or things you should fix. Or worse, you may be in a tight situation, and hurt yourself to get to that world, leaving your loved ones behind too soon. I'd say it's selfish, but you know me. I don't point my hooves at anyone." I nod when she finishes. I like conversations like this. I can only have these with her for some reason. My other friends and I don't really get to subjects of these, so I don't bring them up. "So, the festival will be starting any minute. You wanna head in?" I ask. "Oh, sure." She agrees. As we head in, I feel the artistic energy flow into me as I hold my old acoustic guitar in my hooves. I smile widely as the stomach twisting anxiety strikes my gut. I mean, I know it's only a festival, and it's not life changing, but I just love going here. I like the knowledge that I met a dear friend here, and maybe I'll meet another. I love playing guitar, even if it's on a bench when no one is really paying attention. The festival was fun as usual. However, It didn't feel the same. I felt like I wanted to be happy, but there was a wall in front. It was...different. I saw some painting by a pony name Picasso Brush. It was a stallion who was sitting in some sort of corner, with his head down, and the amount of blue was in your face. A deep blue. Like my eyes. The artist comes towards me. "You're observing this one pretty hard." He said. "Oh, yeah....I feel different about it though. Like it's forcing me to think of things I wouldn't want to really think about. I mean, I've seen bright yellow colors and Pinks, and Red's all day, and this sudden dose of blue was...interesting, and eye catching to me. It's forcing me to...remember what's wrong with me." "What's wrong with you exactly?" He asked. "I don't know...Personal stuff I guess." I reply. "Oh, don't want to talk about it I guess." He suggests "No. I don't think I would at a place like this....I wish I could afford the painting...It's very nice." "Oh, thank you." He says, slightly bowing. "You know, usually, I don't allow this, but I will take a picture of it for you...It seems to mean a lot to you, and I feel it could be an eye opener for you someday." He pulled out an old polaroid camera. I haven't seen those in forever. He takes a snapshot, and hands me the photo as the ink fades in. "Thank you." I pull out a few bits, but he stops me. "No, no. Don't worry. It's on me. You can't buy motivation." He tells me. "Oh, well thank you." I reply appreciatively. .......... The rest of the festival was almost.....boring... I think Fluttershy was noticing. She gave me slightly concerned looks every now and then. I eventually told her I needed to go home. She didn't question, she just hugged me goodbye. "Kaoss! Where were you?" My Dad asks me in his chair, drinking a beer. His cheeks were blush red from the alcohol in his system, as he was drunk like usual. "I was at the festival, Dad. I go every year, and I told you yesterday." He said with slightly slurred speech. "Well I don't remember that! You should stop trying to rebel!" He said. His sentence was completely stupid. I'm not rebelling, however he was drunk, so arguing the legitimacy would be worthless. "Of course, you don.t...drunk piece of shit." I say under my breath. I get the worst, irritated vibe when he's drunk. It makes me more irritable. Just seeing a beer in his hooves makes my stomach flare a bit with displeasure. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" He yelled. "Nothing...Don't worry about it." I mutter. "Yeah, right! Just go the fuck to sleep you worthless colt! Why the hell did your mom name you 'Kaoss' anyway? Did she know you would be useless?!" My hooves shook with rage. I teared up a bit, but I bit my teeth to hide them. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I shout. "MOM ISN'T LIKE THAT! And she sure as hell is a better parent than YOU!" I reply. He growls and trots towards me and raises his left hoof to strike me in the eye, "JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM ALREADY! YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE!" I get up from the floor and go to my room, and slam the door, plopping in the bed, feeling the bed's motion move me back up a little in the air. I don't cry or anything. I kinda just sit there and pout. I breath heavily with anger. Within my constant pacing in my room, I saw a piece of square paper fall out of my saddlebag. I picked it up, and remembered that it was the picture of the painting I was given, It was deep blue like my eyes. It reminded me of something else that was deep blue. I look to my dresser and see my lamp first. Under the light, is a dusty picture of my mother, framed in a fancy glass frame. I sat on my bed and picked it up. Her white mane, and yellow eyes are so different looking from her deep blue fur. The yellow in her eyes was so vivid, and happy looking, which complimented her smile. Her name was Acrylic Blue. She was also a painter. I guess that's why the painting reminded me of her so much. I looked at it for awhile. Looking at it made me remember events. I remember when she helped me roller skate when I was a young colt. I didn't like it. I guess I acted too silly, because she laughed a lot when I tried to skate. I laughed too after awhile. I also remembered the time she tried to help me make cookies. She let me do most of the work, which I made a huge mess, and burnt the cookies. She was alright with it, and very nice about it. She told me you have to mess up before you succeed. Some random words popped into my head. "I love you, Silly." She nicknamed me silly. It felt weird, but I guess she thought that since my actual name is Kaoss, it wouldn't be a bad nickname. I began to smile. As my smile slowly formed, my eyes began to water, soon going into drops of tears rolling down my face, which then continued as I hugged the portrait to my chest, trying not to actually sob. I soon felt myself drifting to sleep...having to wake up and go to school tomorrow. As if I wanted to do THAT everyday. Ugh... Tomorrow will probably suck. Friendly Suspicions.I come home from school and close the door with anger. I throw my saddlebag across the living room with rage. "FUCK SCHOOL!!" I yell to myself. My dad won't be home for 4 hours, so I have plenty of alone time to think, and get over it. I got pushed on purpose in the hall, and laughed at, failed a test. Sat alone at lunch so my friends wouldn't worry about me, and got called weird a few times. "Hey, nice test score." Someone joked at the 40% written in red marker on my paper. "Thanks. It's 280% in dog years." I joke. Some people laugh along, and like my joke. I have to joke every time something like that happens to me. If someone makes fun of me, I have to joke along. I don't insult them back. It doesn't help, and it just creates enemies. I don't want enemies. Usually having them is inevitable, but I'd like to have as few as possible, and pretend that no one bothers me. Of course, the things they say DO bother me, but I don't want anyone to think I have an ability to be sad. Then they'd want to talk to me about it, and give me advice, and what not. Then they'll be concerned about my well being, and worry themselves to death. I don't want my friends to spend their time worrying about me. I'm not worth worrying about. I worry about some of them occasionally, but I'm supposed to be the funny, happy colt all the time, and I'd like to keep it that way. They say bottling your feelings up is bad, but doing things like :writing a journal", or keeping track of them or some other technique that therapists tell you to don't work for me. I'm used to keeping them in, then releasing them at home later. It's way easier. And besides, it's not like my friends or anyone important to me have to know my "coping skills". I don't want them to know I get sad in the first place. I hear a knock on the door as I come back to reality. I inhale heavily to calm down and try to fake a smile as I answer. I zoom my hoof to the door knob, and exhale once more, assuring myself that i look happy. I open it, and see Fluttershy. "Oh...Fluttershy, what are you doing here?" I ask surprised. "I tried to find you after school, but your friends said you left earlier than usual. Are you ok?" She asks. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I reply. "Well, one of them said you sat alone and looked depressed at lunch, and didn't talk to anyone. He was worried, so I was too." She says concerned. "Oh...Well...Uh.. I'm perfectly fine. No need to worry." I brush off with a happy voice. "Are you sure?" She asks. "Yeah. I'm fine." I reply. Fluttershy looks at my eyes with more concern. "You....you have a black eye." She says. Crap....I forgot that Dad punched me last night. "Kaoss...Please don't say you're fine. I know you're not. I'm not stupid." I sigh deeply. It's gonna be hard to keep anything from her. She's too good at knowing how people feel. "Look, Fluttershy, I know you're my friend and all, but no one is supposed to know if I'm sad. I want people to just think I'm happy all the time." "But.....I want to help." She said, making her voice softer than usual. I almost didn't hear what she said. It took mew a second to make out the sentence. I sigh again. "Look, please, Fluttershy, just....I don't want help. No one needs to concern themselves with me. I don't talk about my problems. You're a very good friend and all, but I think you should leave." I say, closing the door slowly, watching her face as I do. Every inch that I closed, it made it harder to look. I finally heard the click of the door. I waited a few seconds and looked out the window to see if she left. She was walking away slowly, and I saw a few tears coming from her eyes. "Why do I have to fuck things up all the time?" I tell myself. I exhale heavily again, and walk into my room. I tun on the light to reveal the guitar case, messy floor, and my bed. I sit on my white bed sheets, and see that my mom's picture was still lying there. I sit near it. It almost felt like I was sitting next to my mom again. I pick it up and stare at it, stroking the dusty frame with my hoof, tearing up, and remembering another moment in my early life with her. I remembered the first time i got bullied. Fourth grade it was. I had been punched continuously, called weak, and no one did anything as I was being hit. Some ponies watched and cheered....I don't know why violence is so entertaining. It hurt. My nose was bleeding, and I hadn't felt physical pain like that before. I came home and my mom was scared. I told her what happened, and cried in her arms as she embraced me. I felt my tears soak her deep blue coat. "It will be okay. I'll make sure this is fixed, alright?" I nodded. "Mommy loves, you, Kaoss." I was taken out of school the next day to be home schooled for awhile. I tried again in Fifth grade at another school, and I was alright, with the exception of a few insults here and there. My mom was so kind, and loving. She cared about me. Why did she have to die? I sobbed as I tightly gripped the picture frame. "I miss you. Mom." I said between my sobs. Overflow and Overreaction.I continued to sob, getting tear marks on my mom's frame. I clenched my teeth to try and silence myself. It worked for a little bit. I still felt the tears roll down. "Stop crying you stupid baby!" I told myself. "Mom wouldn't want you to be such a foal." I told myself. I didn't stop. I couldn't help it. I've been holding tears in for years. I hadn't cried since after mom died. After her funeral, I just told myself I'd never cry again. It hurts to cry. It reminds me that I still feel sadness. Why can't I just be happy all the time like my friends think I am? I hugged the frame again. It felt comforting, but it's not the same. It's not her. It only reminds me of her. I can never feel her soft white mane ever again. I began to sob again. "Shut up! Shut up!" I told myself. "Stop being a wimp..." I keep saying. It seems to work for me. It's sad that beating myself with my own words helps me to silence myself, but I guess I'll have to live with that, and use it to my advantage. "Son, what are you crying for?" My Dad asked rudely. "Don't worry about it." I shot back. I could already tell he was drunk. "Oh! You're mom huh?" He said hotly. "Too bad you'll never see her. I guess it isn't THAT bad though. She never gets to see hat a waste of space you are... A rebellious piece of trash." He said as he snatched the picture frame out of my hooves. "Hey! Give that back!" I said coming into his face. We're close to the same height. "You wanna challenge me, son? You think you're a tough stallion?" I stood my ground. I squinted my eyes and crinkled my nose in anger, and breathed heavily as my blood pressure spiked. Him snatching the only memory of my mom right now, is like him beating her if she were alive. I will not stand for it. "Show me then!" He yelled, throwing the picture at the wall. Time slowed as I saw the picture accelerate towards the wooden walls. I saw the frame break apart as it collided. The glass shattered, and the picture flew to the ground. I stood there, speechless. I was going to cry again. I could feel my tears creeping into my eyes. "Baby..." he said. He was reaching for the actual picture. As his hooves made contact with the old paper, I seemed to snap. I darted for him, and shoved him into the wall before he could take the picture into the air. I assumed he was going to rip it. He lost his grip, and I bucked him to the ground, and kicked him in his muzzle a few times. I stopped, and realized I just beat up my dad. He was bleeding from his mouth, and was missing a tooth. "A violent...waste of space...." I thought to myself. My Dad was knocked out. He probably wouldn't move for awhile. After my short burst of anger, I calmed my breathing and grabbed mom's picture, which now had no frame. "She never gets to see what a waste of space you are" Echoed in my head. Every insult my dad ever called me was now being stabbed into my thoughts. I really AM those things... I'm surprised my friends don't hate me....I... I'm evil. I did this... I threw on my guitar case, and zipped the picture inside of it, and walked outside. It was now about 9:30 PM. No one I know will be out here, so I think I'll be alright with leaving. I didn't even pay attention to the direction I was going. I just followed straight, looking into the ground, only to hear insults from my dad, and visions of everyone I ever thought I loved now disappointed in me. Kaoss IS a terrible name. Discord is the GOD of chaos....It's basically the same word. Even if it's a name, I now hate it. I'm not kind at all. I'm evil... I can't believe such kind ponies like to call me their friend. I walked for hours. I estimated that it was hours. I saw the everfree forest. I almost went in. In an act of suicide. I shook it off. I kept walking, and to the left, I saw a house. Fluttershy's cottage. My stomach twisted as I drew inches closer to it. I can't go see her. She probably hates me. I made her cry. I don't like making people cry. Especially friends... Kind ponies like Fluttershy don't deserve to be around such horrible ponies like myself. I kept trying to walk away. I couldn't. I didn't move closer, because I got too nervous. I didn't go away either because....It didn't feel right. I wanted to apologize, but I can't. She's probably really mad at me. I paced back and forth for a few minutes before I decided to draw a little closer...I have no idea what time it is, but her lights are on. I don't wanna have somepony yell at me when I already feel terrible. If I knock on her door now, I can try to apologize, even though she might be mad, but if I go away, I'll be wandering the town wishing I did. I took a deep breath, and trotted slowly to her door, knocking on it. My front hooves shook in anxiety. Is she going to yell the second she sees me? Will she have a disappointed look on her face? Will she not talk at all? I heard the knob turn. Every millisecond got more nerve wracking. I finally saw her face. "Kaoss?.." She said. Not angry or irritated. "What are you doing out here? It's late...What happened?" She said concerned. "Y...You mean you're not mad?" I asked. "Oh, no no no. I understand when you don't want to talk about things." "But I made you cry." I say softly. "I was sad that you didn't want to talk to me. But that's because I care, and I'm always concerned about my friends. I always want to help, and I was disappointed that I couldn't. That's all." She assured me. "But enough about me. What are you doing here?" "Oh..Uh don't worry about......." I cut myself off. That's how I made her cry...."May I come in?" I continue. "Oh, of course." She replies. I put my case down near her couch, and plop myself onto it. "Geez....I've been walking for awhile...In no real direction." I begin. "What happened?" She asks. "I...I..." I try and tell the story, and I feel my tears already coming. SHIT! Come on...Not now. I can't cry now. I try to clench my teeth and stop them. "I..." "You what?" She asks really concerned. "Don't be afraid to tell me. I care for you." She says. As soon as that sentence leaves her mouth, I remember that it's EXACTLY what my mom would say if I didn't want to tell her anything. I couldn'[t hold back my tears. I didn't even say anything other than "I" and I'm already about to bawl like a wimp. "Kaoss...." She says putting her hoof on my shoulder. I feel the first tear come down my cheek....No no no no no no!!! Another. "It's ok to cry..." She says. I try not to hear that. I don't want to believe that. Crying means I have to show my emotions. I can't do that. Not showing them is how people have come to actually like me.... The tears become too powerful. I sob loudly with my hooves to my face. I breath uneasily as I try to stop them, but it doesn't work and it hurts to breath. Fluttershy slowly hugs me from the side. She rocks back and forth to try to calm me down...just like my mom did. "Just cry for now...You can speak whenever you feel you need to." She says. Before I know it...I wake up, like I had blacked out. I open my eyes heavily to Fluttershy singing a lullaby. "Hush now, quiet now, lay your little sleepy head. Hush now quiet now, it's time to go to bed." She sung. It sounded so beautiful. I felt my eyes close again. And for the first time in awhile...I feel safe. Leave to Start New"Kaoss! Do you have any words for the press!?" I hear a voice echo in my head. "What will you do if you are put in jail?" I hear another. I see a hazy world of news ponies. No...What happened!? "Are you proud of your decision?" I hear another. That one freezes into my head. I hear my thoughts repeat those words over and over. "proud....." I jerk open my eyes, to see the ceiling of Fluttershy's cottage. No lights, It must be really late. I see Fluttershy asleep in the next couch. I feel myself wrapped in blankets, and I feel a pillow under my head. I'm almost certain these weren't here before. I sat up, and just thought. I looked at Fluttershy with concern. Everytime I looked at her in my thoughts, I realized that she's gonna be really mad at me for what I'm about to do. My Dad's gonna call the cops, and have them look for me, and Fluttershy's going to concern herself too much with me if she helps me. She might go to jail also for helping a runaway criminal. I guess it's now or never. I let out a quiet sigh while taking my time to keep light on my hooves as I grab my guitar case. I flew up her stairs very slowly, and looked for a window. Here we go... As I opened it, I heard faint taps of feet. They were quick. I look behind to see her pet bunny, Angel. He looks at me with a stern look, and shakes his head. "Look, I don't want to....I have to." I say. He jumps to the window, and crosses in front of my face. He shakes his head slower, and more angrily. "If I don't go, Fluttershy will get in trouble. I'd rather keep her safe. My friends before me, ok?" I pick him up with one hoof, and place him to the floor. "I'm very sorry, ok?" I try to say. I feel the tears coming once again, as I fly out the window. I look back one final time to see Angel frowning at me with a sad look. I looked for longer than I wanted to. I broke eye contact, and flew onward. Ponyville is north from here, so I'm going to go West. To Canterlot. I have to go to a place far away. I'm not going to fly either. That would take too long. I have money, so I'll have to buy a train ticket. I arrived towards the train station lights. To my surprise, it was open. "Excuse me?" I tap the window. "Can I help you?" Asked a mare opening the window. "When's the next available train to Canterlot?" "In a couple hours... Why are you here so early?" She asked concerned. "What time is it?" I ask. "3:00 AM...The next one is at 5:30 AM." "Can I buy the ticket now?" I ask. "Sure....But, I have one question." Great, she's suspicious. "What's the reason you're here?" She said looking like she wasn't gonna take a BS answer. "Look, Ma'am, I don't want to talk about it... I just want to get away." I say sternly. "Look, kid, I know it's easy to try and run, but you'll never solve your problems that way." She informs me. "I don't want to solve them." I say with my head down. "One ticket to Canterlot please." "Okay. I'll give you a refund if you change your mind later," She says softer. "Thanks." I say sadly. .................... "All aboard to Canterlot!" Said the conductor. 5:33 AM. Here goes my chance to make a new life for myself. I'll be homeless, but whatever. I guess life doesn't get easy when you're a rebellious worthless trash heap of a colt, though anyway. I slowly set my guitar case next to me on a seat. It's gonna be a long ride. But the length will make it easier for people to forget about me. .............. I had dozed off for a couple hours. We weren't in Cnaterlot, so I wanted to try to sleep again. I found it hard though. Even though the previous days were really unfortunate, I felt the rays of the sun warm my skin. I got up to see the view. A sunny cloudless day looking into the vast land of Equestria. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful it was. I glanced to the other side of the train, to see numerous passengers. One of them caught my eye. A mare with deep yellow eyes, and dark blue skin with a white mane....like my mom. I brushed it off immediately. My mom's dead....I gotta get over it. I wanted to take out the picture of her to try to compare it. I unzipped the pouch, and was about to pull it out. "If your next stop is Canterlot, please be ready to leave the train." Said the conductor. I zipped my pouch back up before I took out the picture. I can look at that picture anytime I want to anyway. ....... Ah, Canterlot. The city of the richest, fanciest ponies, and luxury homes across all avenues. However, I don't expect such a place for lodging. A bench is fine for now. It's warm, so I don't have to worry about freezing. Gotta get used to a lower level of living I guess. Goodnight self....Sleep tight....Sweet dreams...hopefully. It's UnfortunateI groaned as my eyes opened to see the sun in my face. My body was very stiff. Benches are NOT comfortable. I couldn't tell what time it was, but it felt like it was somewhere around 9:00 or 10:00. I got up slowly, for the pain in my back and neck slowed me down. As I stood, I was able to move around and crack my back and neck. "Oooh....Geez..." I said as I finished cracking my neck. "I needed that one." I now had to set off, and walk...Walk to no destination, but just stay mobile, and not stay anywhere for too long. I walked along a urban Canterlot road. It was very nice, and clean. Fancy. Nothing like Ponyville. The comfort I took in this though, was that no one would know who I was. "Oh, hey!" Said a mare voice calling my name. I became somewhat startled, and jerked my head in that direction. It was a young mare with her friends at a school courtyard. "Oh, uh, hi." I responded. I hid my sadness. Well, it was already somewhat hidden with my neutral expression. I'm gonna have to get good at hiding it, so I guess this is a good start. "You play guitar, right?" She asked, seeming interested. "Uh, yes. I do." "Can you play us something?" Another mare asked. "Uh...sure." I replied. I crossed the street, and sat on the bench that they were standing by. I took my case off my back, and unzipped it quickly, and took out my guitar, making sure it's in tune. I tuned up one string, and made sure the others were good. I cleared my throat, and tried to think of something to sing... I would have to improvise here. I started with a basic melodic chord progression. After a couple measures, I began to sing. ...... A new life starts today. A seemingly heart filled adventure A new song to sing And new tears and scars to remind me that I'm still alive. A new path to make When the old one is run down and worthless Can you see why I walk the distance? Can you see all my pain and suffering? Will you take me hoof to guide me on my Painstaking, heart stabbing trail? Will you go out and find me, If I ran away to become someone else? Will you cry if I died here? Or would you carry on like it never happened? Can you see into me? Can you see the intentions, and see where my heart wants to go? Can you see? X4 Because I want you to let me be I want you to forget about me. I want you to leave me behind. Let my face fade away, Keep the accomplishments but leave out the name Promise me X4 Promise you'll leave me behind. .................. "That was beautiful....when did you write that?" One of them said, wiping a tear from her eye. "Just now I guess....I made it up." I responded almost emotionless. "What's your name?" She asked me. "Kao....." Crap...they can't know my name..... "K....Keith Axel....." I said...BS'ing a name. "Ok...um, Keith," She began. "It was very good, and we've gotta get to school." "Oh, ok. You mares have a good day." I said, waving. "You too." They responded in unison. That felt pretty good actually. I feel like I've just made friends or something. I kept walking... ................ A long day of constant motion had gone by, and the sun was setting. I found a bench near the park. I looked forward to see an adult mare to my left. It's that mare from the train that looks like mom.... I hesitated and took out the picture for comparison. She looked just alike, except she had a....burn mark near her flank....a burn...mark... Oh man...it has to be her... "Hello, miss." I said nervously. "Oh, hello." She responded. It's her voice...Holy crap...my mom is alive... "I just wanted to ask....uh..." I began to tear up... "Mom?" I asked offering a hug. "K...Kaoss?" She asked. I simply nodded feelin a tear come down as my lip quivered. She couldn't speak anything. I saw some tears come from her eyes. She opened her arms. I threw myself into them, sobbing with joy onto her shoulders. She nuzzled my neck. I felt her warm cheeks and tears. "I missed you mommy..." I said. "I thought I'd never get to see you again..." "I missed you too Kaoss.... I..I love you sweetie." She said, sobbing. "I love you too mom..." I didn't want to let go. "Kaoss Walker?..." Said some serious sounding stallion. "Huh?" I asked. "Officer Heat Star here." He said holding his badge. "You're under arrest for the assault of your father." "What?" Mom said in fear. "Mom..I..." I was cut off. "Save it for the judge son." He said, putting me in hoof cuffs. No....I just met my mom again.....and now I'm being arrested....Why cruel world?....Why?
Good times become Blue."Hey, Kaoss." Said a friendly voice I can always recognize. Fluttershy. "Oh, Hey Fluttershy, how are ya?" I greet. "Oh, I'm fine." She replied. "Are you going to the Festival after school?" She asks. "Yeah, definitely. It will be quite a MARE a-thon!" I joke making a joke face after. She laughs. "Oh, you!" She said. I forgot about the festival. It's something they do for artists and musicians to promote themselves. The food is affordable, and water is free, so no one has to be dehydrated. I love the musicians that perform there. They only have it in Ponyville once every year. It's usually in Canterlot, or Manehatten, or somewhere a little more populated. Fluttershy and her friends go to. In fact, that's where I met them. In fact, I brought my own guitar. I had an acoustic. I wasn't set up like most people were. They had business cards, and more fancy equipment. I just sat on a bench with my guitar, and played for awhile. No one really noticed or anything. In fact, Fluttershy was the ONE pony who talked to me. My friends didn't come. Or at least I didn't see any of them, with the exception of a few ponies I knew of, but didn't really talk to. I got to know Fluttershy pretty well. She's very kind. She's a little older than me, but those are the people who talk to me anyway. I'm a 16 year old colt, and it's tough to find colts my age who are anywhere near my personality. I like fine arts, and writing, and science. I'm extremely nerdy,and my friends are too. I don't have many friends at school, and I get picked on a lot. When I'm with people that care about me, I'm an open book...well, kind of. I'm talkative, and, well a lot of them tell me I'm hilarious, and random. Fluttershy's friend Pinkie Pie is random too. I don't talk to Pinkie, or many of Fluttershy's friends often, but Fluttershy talks to me a lot. Ponies who I talk to think I like her. I mean, she's very cute, but she's a little too....shy. It's almost... boring. I make her laugh a lot. It seems to be the only time she even gets close to exceeding 2% of normal voice volume. But she's nice, and when there's others around, it's hard to know when she's talking. I still like talking to her. When we do talk, it's usually about deep thoughts. Like "I wonder what's beyond life" or something I like to be thoughtful and creative about. We lay in the grass, near the festival grounds. We were having our usual "what if" conversations. We get into these a lot. Our views differ slightly, so getting different points of view enlightens me. "What do you think is beyond this place? What do you think may happen when you or I die?" I ask, contributing to the conversation. "If there's anything beyond this world, I wouldn't really wanna try to know what it is yet. Then there's no surprise. If it's beautiful and like heaven, then I'd like that one to hit me by surprise. If it's something horrid,, I wouldn't want to know, because then I'd spend my entire existence knowing I'd be there afterwards. Then I'd never really accomplish anything, because I'd think that it doesn't mean anything. So, living without either for now is a good balance." Fluttershy's point of view is very simple. I do agree with her with the surprise, and that it would be worth it. I notice the 'balance' concept comes to mind when I think of her. She's always about evening things out.Balanced relationships, balance of kindness to being assertive, balance of life in general. It fits her. "But if it WAS good, wouldn't you wanna, maybe know what you're capable of at that point?" I say. "If you can come down back here and watch over all your relatives, or the next generation...the future, how we progress, and what people think of us, and what people think of us when we're gone? I think that'd be awesome to know." "It would." She nods. "But then you'd spend too much time looking forward. You might not pay attention to little things, or things you should fix. Or worse, you may be in a tight situation, and hurt yourself to get to that world, leaving your loved ones behind too soon. I'd say it's selfish, but you know me. I don't point my hooves at anyone." I nod when she finishes. I like conversations like this. I can only have these with her for some reason. My other friends and I don't really get to subjects of these, so I don't bring them up. "So, the festival will be starting any minute. You wanna head in?" I ask. "Oh, sure." She agrees. As we head in, I feel the artistic energy flow into me as I hold my old acoustic guitar in my hooves. I smile widely as the stomach twisting anxiety strikes my gut. I mean, I know it's only a festival, and it's not life changing, but I just love going here. I like the knowledge that I met a dear friend here, and maybe I'll meet another. I love playing guitar, even if it's on a bench when no one is really paying attention. The festival was fun as usual. However, It didn't feel the same. I felt like I wanted to be happy, but there was a wall in front. It was...different. I saw some painting by a pony name Picasso Brush. It was a stallion who was sitting in some sort of corner, with his head down, and the amount of blue was in your face. A deep blue. Like my eyes. The artist comes towards me. "You're observing this one pretty hard." He said. "Oh, yeah....I feel different about it though. Like it's forcing me to think of things I wouldn't want to really think about. I mean, I've seen bright yellow colors and Pinks, and Red's all day, and this sudden dose of blue was...interesting, and eye catching to me. It's forcing me to...remember what's wrong with me." "What's wrong with you exactly?" He asked. "I don't know...Personal stuff I guess." I reply. "Oh, don't want to talk about it I guess." He suggests "No. I don't think I would at a place like this....I wish I could afford the painting...It's very nice." "Oh, thank you." He says, slightly bowing. "You know, usually, I don't allow this, but I will take a picture of it for you...It seems to mean a lot to you, and I feel it could be an eye opener for you someday." He pulled out an old polaroid camera. I haven't seen those in forever. He takes a snapshot, and hands me the photo as the ink fades in. "Thank you." I pull out a few bits, but he stops me. "No, no. Don't worry. It's on me. You can't buy motivation." He tells me. "Oh, well thank you." I reply appreciatively. .......... The rest of the festival was almost.....boring... I think Fluttershy was noticing. She gave me slightly concerned looks every now and then. I eventually told her I needed to go home. She didn't question, she just hugged me goodbye. "Kaoss! Where were you?" My Dad asks me in his chair, drinking a beer. His cheeks were blush red from the alcohol in his system, as he was drunk like usual. "I was at the festival, Dad. I go every year, and I told you yesterday." He said with slightly slurred speech. "Well I don't remember that! You should stop trying to rebel!" He said. His sentence was completely stupid. I'm not rebelling, however he was drunk, so arguing the legitimacy would be worthless. "Of course, you don.t...drunk piece of shit." I say under my breath. I get the worst, irritated vibe when he's drunk. It makes me more irritable. Just seeing a beer in his hooves makes my stomach flare a bit with displeasure. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" He yelled. "Nothing...Don't worry about it." I mutter. "Yeah, right! Just go the fuck to sleep you worthless colt! Why the hell did your mom name you 'Kaoss' anyway? Did she know you would be useless?!" My hooves shook with rage. I teared up a bit, but I bit my teeth to hide them. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I shout. "MOM ISN'T LIKE THAT! And she sure as hell is a better parent than YOU!" I reply. He growls and trots towards me and raises his left hoof to strike me in the eye, "JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM ALREADY! YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE!" I get up from the floor and go to my room, and slam the door, plopping in the bed, feeling the bed's motion move me back up a little in the air. I don't cry or anything. I kinda just sit there and pout. I breath heavily with anger. Within my constant pacing in my room, I saw a piece of square paper fall out of my saddlebag. I picked it up, and remembered that it was the picture of the painting I was given, It was deep blue like my eyes. It reminded me of something else that was deep blue. I look to my dresser and see my lamp first. Under the light, is a dusty picture of my mother, framed in a fancy glass frame. I sat on my bed and picked it up. Her white mane, and yellow eyes are so different looking from her deep blue fur. The yellow in her eyes was so vivid, and happy looking, which complimented her smile. Her name was Acrylic Blue. She was also a painter. I guess that's why the painting reminded me of her so much. I looked at it for awhile. Looking at it made me remember events. I remember when she helped me roller skate when I was a young colt. I didn't like it. I guess I acted too silly, because she laughed a lot when I tried to skate. I laughed too after awhile. I also remembered the time she tried to help me make cookies. She let me do most of the work, which I made a huge mess, and burnt the cookies. She was alright with it, and very nice about it. She told me you have to mess up before you succeed. Some random words popped into my head. "I love you, Silly." She nicknamed me silly. It felt weird, but I guess she thought that since my actual name is Kaoss, it wouldn't be a bad nickname. I began to smile. As my smile slowly formed, my eyes began to water, soon going into drops of tears rolling down my face, which then continued as I hugged the portrait to my chest, trying not to actually sob. I soon felt myself drifting to sleep...having to wake up and go to school tomorrow. As if I wanted to do THAT everyday. Ugh... Tomorrow will probably suck.
Friendly Suspicions.I come home from school and close the door with anger. I throw my saddlebag across the living room with rage. "FUCK SCHOOL!!" I yell to myself. My dad won't be home for 4 hours, so I have plenty of alone time to think, and get over it. I got pushed on purpose in the hall, and laughed at, failed a test. Sat alone at lunch so my friends wouldn't worry about me, and got called weird a few times. "Hey, nice test score." Someone joked at the 40% written in red marker on my paper. "Thanks. It's 280% in dog years." I joke. Some people laugh along, and like my joke. I have to joke every time something like that happens to me. If someone makes fun of me, I have to joke along. I don't insult them back. It doesn't help, and it just creates enemies. I don't want enemies. Usually having them is inevitable, but I'd like to have as few as possible, and pretend that no one bothers me. Of course, the things they say DO bother me, but I don't want anyone to think I have an ability to be sad. Then they'd want to talk to me about it, and give me advice, and what not. Then they'll be concerned about my well being, and worry themselves to death. I don't want my friends to spend their time worrying about me. I'm not worth worrying about. I worry about some of them occasionally, but I'm supposed to be the funny, happy colt all the time, and I'd like to keep it that way. They say bottling your feelings up is bad, but doing things like :writing a journal", or keeping track of them or some other technique that therapists tell you to don't work for me. I'm used to keeping them in, then releasing them at home later. It's way easier. And besides, it's not like my friends or anyone important to me have to know my "coping skills". I don't want them to know I get sad in the first place. I hear a knock on the door as I come back to reality. I inhale heavily to calm down and try to fake a smile as I answer. I zoom my hoof to the door knob, and exhale once more, assuring myself that i look happy. I open it, and see Fluttershy. "Oh...Fluttershy, what are you doing here?" I ask surprised. "I tried to find you after school, but your friends said you left earlier than usual. Are you ok?" She asks. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I reply. "Well, one of them said you sat alone and looked depressed at lunch, and didn't talk to anyone. He was worried, so I was too." She says concerned. "Oh...Well...Uh.. I'm perfectly fine. No need to worry." I brush off with a happy voice. "Are you sure?" She asks. "Yeah. I'm fine." I reply. Fluttershy looks at my eyes with more concern. "You....you have a black eye." She says. Crap....I forgot that Dad punched me last night. "Kaoss...Please don't say you're fine. I know you're not. I'm not stupid." I sigh deeply. It's gonna be hard to keep anything from her. She's too good at knowing how people feel. "Look, Fluttershy, I know you're my friend and all, but no one is supposed to know if I'm sad. I want people to just think I'm happy all the time." "But.....I want to help." She said, making her voice softer than usual. I almost didn't hear what she said. It took mew a second to make out the sentence. I sigh again. "Look, please, Fluttershy, just....I don't want help. No one needs to concern themselves with me. I don't talk about my problems. You're a very good friend and all, but I think you should leave." I say, closing the door slowly, watching her face as I do. Every inch that I closed, it made it harder to look. I finally heard the click of the door. I waited a few seconds and looked out the window to see if she left. She was walking away slowly, and I saw a few tears coming from her eyes. "Why do I have to fuck things up all the time?" I tell myself. I exhale heavily again, and walk into my room. I tun on the light to reveal the guitar case, messy floor, and my bed. I sit on my white bed sheets, and see that my mom's picture was still lying there. I sit near it. It almost felt like I was sitting next to my mom again. I pick it up and stare at it, stroking the dusty frame with my hoof, tearing up, and remembering another moment in my early life with her. I remembered the first time i got bullied. Fourth grade it was. I had been punched continuously, called weak, and no one did anything as I was being hit. Some ponies watched and cheered....I don't know why violence is so entertaining. It hurt. My nose was bleeding, and I hadn't felt physical pain like that before. I came home and my mom was scared. I told her what happened, and cried in her arms as she embraced me. I felt my tears soak her deep blue coat. "It will be okay. I'll make sure this is fixed, alright?" I nodded. "Mommy loves, you, Kaoss." I was taken out of school the next day to be home schooled for awhile. I tried again in Fifth grade at another school, and I was alright, with the exception of a few insults here and there. My mom was so kind, and loving. She cared about me. Why did she have to die? I sobbed as I tightly gripped the picture frame. "I miss you. Mom." I said between my sobs.
Overflow and Overreaction.I continued to sob, getting tear marks on my mom's frame. I clenched my teeth to try and silence myself. It worked for a little bit. I still felt the tears roll down. "Stop crying you stupid baby!" I told myself. "Mom wouldn't want you to be such a foal." I told myself. I didn't stop. I couldn't help it. I've been holding tears in for years. I hadn't cried since after mom died. After her funeral, I just told myself I'd never cry again. It hurts to cry. It reminds me that I still feel sadness. Why can't I just be happy all the time like my friends think I am? I hugged the frame again. It felt comforting, but it's not the same. It's not her. It only reminds me of her. I can never feel her soft white mane ever again. I began to sob again. "Shut up! Shut up!" I told myself. "Stop being a wimp..." I keep saying. It seems to work for me. It's sad that beating myself with my own words helps me to silence myself, but I guess I'll have to live with that, and use it to my advantage. "Son, what are you crying for?" My Dad asked rudely. "Don't worry about it." I shot back. I could already tell he was drunk. "Oh! You're mom huh?" He said hotly. "Too bad you'll never see her. I guess it isn't THAT bad though. She never gets to see hat a waste of space you are... A rebellious piece of trash." He said as he snatched the picture frame out of my hooves. "Hey! Give that back!" I said coming into his face. We're close to the same height. "You wanna challenge me, son? You think you're a tough stallion?" I stood my ground. I squinted my eyes and crinkled my nose in anger, and breathed heavily as my blood pressure spiked. Him snatching the only memory of my mom right now, is like him beating her if she were alive. I will not stand for it. "Show me then!" He yelled, throwing the picture at the wall. Time slowed as I saw the picture accelerate towards the wooden walls. I saw the frame break apart as it collided. The glass shattered, and the picture flew to the ground. I stood there, speechless. I was going to cry again. I could feel my tears creeping into my eyes. "Baby..." he said. He was reaching for the actual picture. As his hooves made contact with the old paper, I seemed to snap. I darted for him, and shoved him into the wall before he could take the picture into the air. I assumed he was going to rip it. He lost his grip, and I bucked him to the ground, and kicked him in his muzzle a few times. I stopped, and realized I just beat up my dad. He was bleeding from his mouth, and was missing a tooth. "A violent...waste of space...." I thought to myself. My Dad was knocked out. He probably wouldn't move for awhile. After my short burst of anger, I calmed my breathing and grabbed mom's picture, which now had no frame. "She never gets to see what a waste of space you are" Echoed in my head. Every insult my dad ever called me was now being stabbed into my thoughts. I really AM those things... I'm surprised my friends don't hate me....I... I'm evil. I did this... I threw on my guitar case, and zipped the picture inside of it, and walked outside. It was now about 9:30 PM. No one I know will be out here, so I think I'll be alright with leaving. I didn't even pay attention to the direction I was going. I just followed straight, looking into the ground, only to hear insults from my dad, and visions of everyone I ever thought I loved now disappointed in me. Kaoss IS a terrible name. Discord is the GOD of chaos....It's basically the same word. Even if it's a name, I now hate it. I'm not kind at all. I'm evil... I can't believe such kind ponies like to call me their friend. I walked for hours. I estimated that it was hours. I saw the everfree forest. I almost went in. In an act of suicide. I shook it off. I kept walking, and to the left, I saw a house. Fluttershy's cottage. My stomach twisted as I drew inches closer to it. I can't go see her. She probably hates me. I made her cry. I don't like making people cry. Especially friends... Kind ponies like Fluttershy don't deserve to be around such horrible ponies like myself. I kept trying to walk away. I couldn't. I didn't move closer, because I got too nervous. I didn't go away either because....It didn't feel right. I wanted to apologize, but I can't. She's probably really mad at me. I paced back and forth for a few minutes before I decided to draw a little closer...I have no idea what time it is, but her lights are on. I don't wanna have somepony yell at me when I already feel terrible. If I knock on her door now, I can try to apologize, even though she might be mad, but if I go away, I'll be wandering the town wishing I did. I took a deep breath, and trotted slowly to her door, knocking on it. My front hooves shook in anxiety. Is she going to yell the second she sees me? Will she have a disappointed look on her face? Will she not talk at all? I heard the knob turn. Every millisecond got more nerve wracking. I finally saw her face. "Kaoss?.." She said. Not angry or irritated. "What are you doing out here? It's late...What happened?" She said concerned. "Y...You mean you're not mad?" I asked. "Oh, no no no. I understand when you don't want to talk about things." "But I made you cry." I say softly. "I was sad that you didn't want to talk to me. But that's because I care, and I'm always concerned about my friends. I always want to help, and I was disappointed that I couldn't. That's all." She assured me. "But enough about me. What are you doing here?" "Oh..Uh don't worry about......." I cut myself off. That's how I made her cry...."May I come in?" I continue. "Oh, of course." She replies. I put my case down near her couch, and plop myself onto it. "Geez....I've been walking for awhile...In no real direction." I begin. "What happened?" She asks. "I...I..." I try and tell the story, and I feel my tears already coming. SHIT! Come on...Not now. I can't cry now. I try to clench my teeth and stop them. "I..." "You what?" She asks really concerned. "Don't be afraid to tell me. I care for you." She says. As soon as that sentence leaves her mouth, I remember that it's EXACTLY what my mom would say if I didn't want to tell her anything. I couldn'[t hold back my tears. I didn't even say anything other than "I" and I'm already about to bawl like a wimp. "Kaoss...." She says putting her hoof on my shoulder. I feel the first tear come down my cheek....No no no no no no!!! Another. "It's ok to cry..." She says. I try not to hear that. I don't want to believe that. Crying means I have to show my emotions. I can't do that. Not showing them is how people have come to actually like me.... The tears become too powerful. I sob loudly with my hooves to my face. I breath uneasily as I try to stop them, but it doesn't work and it hurts to breath. Fluttershy slowly hugs me from the side. She rocks back and forth to try to calm me down...just like my mom did. "Just cry for now...You can speak whenever you feel you need to." She says. Before I know it...I wake up, like I had blacked out. I open my eyes heavily to Fluttershy singing a lullaby. "Hush now, quiet now, lay your little sleepy head. Hush now quiet now, it's time to go to bed." She sung. It sounded so beautiful. I felt my eyes close again. And for the first time in awhile...I feel safe.
Leave to Start New"Kaoss! Do you have any words for the press!?" I hear a voice echo in my head. "What will you do if you are put in jail?" I hear another. I see a hazy world of news ponies. No...What happened!? "Are you proud of your decision?" I hear another. That one freezes into my head. I hear my thoughts repeat those words over and over. "proud....." I jerk open my eyes, to see the ceiling of Fluttershy's cottage. No lights, It must be really late. I see Fluttershy asleep in the next couch. I feel myself wrapped in blankets, and I feel a pillow under my head. I'm almost certain these weren't here before. I sat up, and just thought. I looked at Fluttershy with concern. Everytime I looked at her in my thoughts, I realized that she's gonna be really mad at me for what I'm about to do. My Dad's gonna call the cops, and have them look for me, and Fluttershy's going to concern herself too much with me if she helps me. She might go to jail also for helping a runaway criminal. I guess it's now or never. I let out a quiet sigh while taking my time to keep light on my hooves as I grab my guitar case. I flew up her stairs very slowly, and looked for a window. Here we go... As I opened it, I heard faint taps of feet. They were quick. I look behind to see her pet bunny, Angel. He looks at me with a stern look, and shakes his head. "Look, I don't want to....I have to." I say. He jumps to the window, and crosses in front of my face. He shakes his head slower, and more angrily. "If I don't go, Fluttershy will get in trouble. I'd rather keep her safe. My friends before me, ok?" I pick him up with one hoof, and place him to the floor. "I'm very sorry, ok?" I try to say. I feel the tears coming once again, as I fly out the window. I look back one final time to see Angel frowning at me with a sad look. I looked for longer than I wanted to. I broke eye contact, and flew onward. Ponyville is north from here, so I'm going to go West. To Canterlot. I have to go to a place far away. I'm not going to fly either. That would take too long. I have money, so I'll have to buy a train ticket. I arrived towards the train station lights. To my surprise, it was open. "Excuse me?" I tap the window. "Can I help you?" Asked a mare opening the window. "When's the next available train to Canterlot?" "In a couple hours... Why are you here so early?" She asked concerned. "What time is it?" I ask. "3:00 AM...The next one is at 5:30 AM." "Can I buy the ticket now?" I ask. "Sure....But, I have one question." Great, she's suspicious. "What's the reason you're here?" She said looking like she wasn't gonna take a BS answer. "Look, Ma'am, I don't want to talk about it... I just want to get away." I say sternly. "Look, kid, I know it's easy to try and run, but you'll never solve your problems that way." She informs me. "I don't want to solve them." I say with my head down. "One ticket to Canterlot please." "Okay. I'll give you a refund if you change your mind later," She says softer. "Thanks." I say sadly. .................... "All aboard to Canterlot!" Said the conductor. 5:33 AM. Here goes my chance to make a new life for myself. I'll be homeless, but whatever. I guess life doesn't get easy when you're a rebellious worthless trash heap of a colt, though anyway. I slowly set my guitar case next to me on a seat. It's gonna be a long ride. But the length will make it easier for people to forget about me. .............. I had dozed off for a couple hours. We weren't in Cnaterlot, so I wanted to try to sleep again. I found it hard though. Even though the previous days were really unfortunate, I felt the rays of the sun warm my skin. I got up to see the view. A sunny cloudless day looking into the vast land of Equestria. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful it was. I glanced to the other side of the train, to see numerous passengers. One of them caught my eye. A mare with deep yellow eyes, and dark blue skin with a white mane....like my mom. I brushed it off immediately. My mom's dead....I gotta get over it. I wanted to take out the picture of her to try to compare it. I unzipped the pouch, and was about to pull it out. "If your next stop is Canterlot, please be ready to leave the train." Said the conductor. I zipped my pouch back up before I took out the picture. I can look at that picture anytime I want to anyway. ....... Ah, Canterlot. The city of the richest, fanciest ponies, and luxury homes across all avenues. However, I don't expect such a place for lodging. A bench is fine for now. It's warm, so I don't have to worry about freezing. Gotta get used to a lower level of living I guess. Goodnight self....Sleep tight....Sweet dreams...hopefully.
It's UnfortunateI groaned as my eyes opened to see the sun in my face. My body was very stiff. Benches are NOT comfortable. I couldn't tell what time it was, but it felt like it was somewhere around 9:00 or 10:00. I got up slowly, for the pain in my back and neck slowed me down. As I stood, I was able to move around and crack my back and neck. "Oooh....Geez..." I said as I finished cracking my neck. "I needed that one." I now had to set off, and walk...Walk to no destination, but just stay mobile, and not stay anywhere for too long. I walked along a urban Canterlot road. It was very nice, and clean. Fancy. Nothing like Ponyville. The comfort I took in this though, was that no one would know who I was. "Oh, hey!" Said a mare voice calling my name. I became somewhat startled, and jerked my head in that direction. It was a young mare with her friends at a school courtyard. "Oh, uh, hi." I responded. I hid my sadness. Well, it was already somewhat hidden with my neutral expression. I'm gonna have to get good at hiding it, so I guess this is a good start. "You play guitar, right?" She asked, seeming interested. "Uh, yes. I do." "Can you play us something?" Another mare asked. "Uh...sure." I replied. I crossed the street, and sat on the bench that they were standing by. I took my case off my back, and unzipped it quickly, and took out my guitar, making sure it's in tune. I tuned up one string, and made sure the others were good. I cleared my throat, and tried to think of something to sing... I would have to improvise here. I started with a basic melodic chord progression. After a couple measures, I began to sing. ...... A new life starts today. A seemingly heart filled adventure A new song to sing And new tears and scars to remind me that I'm still alive. A new path to make When the old one is run down and worthless Can you see why I walk the distance? Can you see all my pain and suffering? Will you take me hoof to guide me on my Painstaking, heart stabbing trail? Will you go out and find me, If I ran away to become someone else? Will you cry if I died here? Or would you carry on like it never happened? Can you see into me? Can you see the intentions, and see where my heart wants to go? Can you see? X4 Because I want you to let me be I want you to forget about me. I want you to leave me behind. Let my face fade away, Keep the accomplishments but leave out the name Promise me X4 Promise you'll leave me behind. .................. "That was beautiful....when did you write that?" One of them said, wiping a tear from her eye. "Just now I guess....I made it up." I responded almost emotionless. "What's your name?" She asked me. "Kao....." Crap...they can't know my name..... "K....Keith Axel....." I said...BS'ing a name. "Ok...um, Keith," She began. "It was very good, and we've gotta get to school." "Oh, ok. You mares have a good day." I said, waving. "You too." They responded in unison. That felt pretty good actually. I feel like I've just made friends or something. I kept walking... ................ A long day of constant motion had gone by, and the sun was setting. I found a bench near the park. I looked forward to see an adult mare to my left. It's that mare from the train that looks like mom.... I hesitated and took out the picture for comparison. She looked just alike, except she had a....burn mark near her flank....a burn...mark... Oh man...it has to be her... "Hello, miss." I said nervously. "Oh, hello." She responded. It's her voice...Holy crap...my mom is alive... "I just wanted to ask....uh..." I began to tear up... "Mom?" I asked offering a hug. "K...Kaoss?" She asked. I simply nodded feelin a tear come down as my lip quivered. She couldn't speak anything. I saw some tears come from her eyes. She opened her arms. I threw myself into them, sobbing with joy onto her shoulders. She nuzzled my neck. I felt her warm cheeks and tears. "I missed you mommy..." I said. "I thought I'd never get to see you again..." "I missed you too Kaoss.... I..I love you sweetie." She said, sobbing. "I love you too mom..." I didn't want to let go. "Kaoss Walker?..." Said some serious sounding stallion. "Huh?" I asked. "Officer Heat Star here." He said holding his badge. "You're under arrest for the assault of your father." "What?" Mom said in fear. "Mom..I..." I was cut off. "Save it for the judge son." He said, putting me in hoof cuffs. No....I just met my mom again.....and now I'm being arrested....Why cruel world?....Why?
