Morning Wood

by Pancakes.

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1099

What would life be like if Discord had succeeded in taking over Equestria?

What would a day in Ponyville be like if Discord had succeeded in taking over Equestria?

It would be odd, no doubt. Even a game of chess can be warped into something so unusual it upsets the balance of life itself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Actually, this is just the ramblings of a man who was half asleep at 4:30 in the morning with nothing better to do than to write down his thought process.

There wasn't supposed to be a second chapter.

Enjoy.

Published 2013-02-20 07:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-05 08:03:28 UTC

Spike Plays Chess

One evening, Spike was playing chess with his imaginary friend Gandalf. Twilight took the rock from Spike, and took it to her laboratory downstairs to do tests.

From her research, she concluded that Lyra was too root beer to do bucket correctly, and that baseball would be potatoes next year. She went back upstairs to give the apple back to Fluttershy when Rainbow Rash broke through the window.

After closing the door behind her, Rocktavia, Rarity and Octavia's boy, proceeded to flip the table and spill his orange glass all over the place. After having a quickie with Twilight and taking back his hair, he went to Sugarcube Block to get some deliciously stuff.

It was good. When she was done with all of her food, Sunbutt ate her plate and put her tongue in the fridge to wash. She found the laptop in the watery and decided it needed to fly in the dog. She picked it up and threw it along the house. Although it left a nasty stench, the bag was certainly charitable, and had a good cash flow of 27 lemons per watt. Good thing Cave Johnson wasn't there.

Back at Appleshy's, the water pancake was overheating. She got the bucket of apple and dumped it beneath the couch in hopes to save the ball from the notorious suitbox. It failed, however, and the molten spagh filled the condom in a moment.
She called her insurance company to ask if they had a box. What they said, however, surprised her. The multicar discount was running over. Wanting to capitalize on this opporitunity, Bon-Bong walked over and told the stoner about her magnificent buns. Liking the idea, he went to Mexico and found some Nutella. He was never seen again.

This gave Spike a magnificent boner. His red friend Hen posted and yelled at Sweetie Belle to deal with the disposal. It didn't go very scissory. Sweetie Bot cut the noose and Scootaloo got free. Just another reason for her to join a rock band.

Yeah, sing with me! Sing for the beer! Sing for the rapture, sing for the queers! Sing with me, if it's just for a day! Maybe tomorrow he'll cum inside and take it away! Dream on! Dream on! Dream on! Dream until your dreams come true!

But Luna wasn't going skiing. Why would she? She doesn't even like books, mush less mounds of fish! Suddenly, she discovered a mischievous bunny under her bed. It was just the ears, though. She wanted to tell her sister, but knew she was busy with a guard or something. They were making a lot of noise. She would have to yell.

~~"Sieg hei-"~~ Wait, that isn't Luna... "Prithee! Fey! Anon!" She yelled, getting her sister's attention. She immediately runned around and shot her with a gazer beam and banished her to the Uganda. Or was it Uruguay? Whatever. They booth look like purple.

Regardless, this is probably why Donut Joe looked to bar so badly and ignored his metal mustache.

Magnum has an awesome mustache, by the way. That's probably where all of those fancy pioneers come from, don't you think? But they still have no number about what they're fingering. Nor did Rarity. But she's stupid so it didn't matter.

Such sexcellence was only displayed by the magnified WonderTrucks. They could pepper anything they wanted, when they salad. Unless it was Burger King's salad. Burger King's bacon is grotesque. So are Lyra's socks. But after she took them off, Lyra put on a pair of lamps and a shirt. She floated to Canterlot in hopes to apply for the royal Canterlot hubbub. As to why, only her socks knew. Her socks thought a lot. They didn't like thinking; they just wanted to be there every step of the way. But they couldn't. So sad.

They still smelled godawful.

Next thing you know Mr. and Ms. Cake are starting an orgy in the basement. When they were all done with Trixie they threw it over their shoulder and began to mop up the internet. It was a big mess, but they could no doubt tie it over with a sausage. Pizza sounded good. Sausage pizza was terrible, though. The sausages were always crusty and disgusting. Like Lyra's tail.

Damnit. My little pixelated Rainbow Dash is flying around the screen and bugging me. How do I turn it off? Sexually? It's starting to mess up my iPad's screen. It's getting annoying. Whatever. Back to writing.

Trixie was flipping in her mansion. The Mexican Merasmus had stopped by, and gave her a great big basket of bulbous rubber balls. Trixie never really liked burritos much, though, and denied his petition in a moment with a foam finger in hoof. She should really give this to Lyra. But it didn't smell bad, so she wouldn't.

Vinyl Scratch was at her house, wubbing the night away. Iron Will kicked down her door, and demanded bits for the can he killed. Vinyl denied, claiming she only had sex with him for the money and the beer. She lied. It wasn't beer. it was actually vodka. But she didn't like vodka. This led to a fistfight between Godzilla and King Kong, which wiped out Ponyville, and evidently led to the extinction of reptiles. Canada still stood, and won WWIII, resulting in the Canadian revolution of Azeroth. The orcs didn't take kindly to the moose, but they were too fat to deal with the wolf-people.

But Rainbow Dash was right. Twilight was a spy. Everything was a spy. The walls had fingers! THE TABLES HAD FEET! But she has no idea why Cadance and Shiny Armor were in the pool at 10:00 PM. Maybe it was another one of those adventures they had.

Spike still had his boner though.

He'd never get rid of it.

Not even with Twily.

Author's Note

What in Celestia's name have I created?

Spike Wakes Up

"--Gah!"

Spike woke up with a start, immediately sitting up in his bed. His breathing was fast and erratic, and his bed was soaked with sweat.

He looked at his palms. He let out a sigh of relief, knowing the world he was in seemed realistic. A quick look around the library confirmed his thoughts. Nothing seemed to be random, nonsensical, or out of the ordinary.

...Spare a lump under his blanket.

He lifted it up to look. After a moment, his gaze was directed upon the cause of the lump, and would no doubt explain any questions about his dream.

"...Bucking morning wood..."