It's Only Forever

by Exilo

Rating: everyone
Tags: Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Dark
Length: 4022

The weight of immortality has proven too great for Princess Twilight Sparkles’ weary back. Princess Celestia will do anything she can to save her student, but her only option may be to let her go…

The weight of immortality has proven too great for Princess Sparkles’ weary back. Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Shining Armor struggle to help her through the depression that racks her heart, but when she is provided a way out of the life of pain and misery, what will Twilight Sparkle chose?

Cover art done by "viwrastupr" on deviantART: http://viwrastupr.deviantart.com/

Published 2013-02-19 19:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-19 19:40:01 UTC

It's Only Forever

It's Only Forever

Despite how tight her eyes were closed, tears still squeezed between the lids and rolled down Celestia’s face. Again, she knocked her hoof against the thick wood, unsure if the sounds of her knocking could even be heard over the steady sobs coming from inside the room.

“Twilight,” Celestia said. “Please open the door.”

Pressing her ear against the wood, she could just hear the low whimpers penetrate through the enchanted wood.

“Twilight, please come out. You haven’t left your room in a week. You need to eat something.”

“Do I?” came the shout from within the room. “Can I die of starvation? Leave me alone, you troll.”

Celestia looked over her shoulder and to her company, then back to the door. “Luna is out here. Cadance and your brother, as well. There is also somepony else I would like you to meet. Somepony who might be able to help you."

The whimpers stopped. Perhaps it was a trick of her ear, but Celestia faintly heard, “My brother?”

Shining Armor trotted to the door and gently placed his blue hoof upon it. “Twili,” he said. “Can you open the door for me? I’ll come in alone, I promise, but I need you to open the door.”

For several moments, they waited, but finally they heard locks click out of place. Shining Armor frowned. If Twilight Sparkle had resorted to mundane locks instead of magic, she must be in true disarray. The heavy wooden door opened with a low creak. The room inside was dark. In fact, the light of the hallway seemed frightened of venturing past the threshold. Shining Armor felt a pang of fear deep in his stomach, but ventured forth regardless. Princess Celestia attempted to follow, but a wing from her younger sister blocked her path. Soon enough, the door had been slammed shut and the locks all clicked into place.

Shining Armor waited as Twilight Sparkle tended to the locks. He made his presence deeper inside the room so he would be out of the way. His horn was glowing with its magenta magic to produce some light, but he actually had to fight the shadows. Twilight Sparkle must have cast a darkness spell.

“It’s been a long time,” Shining Armor said. What else could be said after half a century of no contact? They had not fought or parted on bad terms. Twilight Sparkle simply stopped returning his letters, and when enough time passed that Shining Armor believed he should venture to Canterlot, he felt awkward making the trip. Tomorrow, he kept telling himself.

“You should be dead,” Twilight Sparkle muttered. “You’re old enough now. Why haven’t you gone to see mom and dad? Why haven’t you just left me like everypony else?”

Shining Armor lowered his head. By the sun, she didn’t know? Had Celestia never told her? Or had Celestia told and Twilight Sparkle simply didn’t listen. “Twili,” he said. He produced more light from his horn, gradually pushing the heavy shadows back and revealing more of his strong, muscular build. Shining Armor could not see his younger sister. The shadows enveloped her. Nevertheless, when the glow of his magic stretched past his shoulders and revealed a pair of powerful wings stretching out of his back, he heard a gasp. The shadows of the room were suddenly gone. Shining Armor lifted his arm in front of his face to shield his eyes. When his vision had adjusted, he laid his eyes upon Twilight Sparkle for the first time in years.

She looked horrible, to say the least. It was not just that she hadn’t bathed in weeks and her mane was a mess. It was not just that her skin sagged sickeningly off her bones from poor nutrition. There was something about her face. Her purple eyes had always been so full of life and wonder. Everything about the world around her had always fascinated her. Perhaps that was what made her such a good student. She simply loved to learn. She loved to read and solve every mystery that was laid before her. Now, the eternal joy in her eyes was gone, glazed over from decades of boredom. She had read every book in the Canterlot library. She had mastered every spell there was and invented thousands more. Her eyes looked dull and dead, bored even. Shining Armor had to look away.

“It was the troll, wasn’t it?” Twilight Sparkle spat in disgust. “What did she promise you? An eternity of bliss? A lifetime of mystery? Love and friendship that would last forever?” Twilight Sparkle trotted forward and came to stand before her brother. “What did she promise you? What did she offer?” She waited. “She lied to you. She lied to you just like she lied to me! She put you on the narrow path of eternity, but she never told you what eternity really means. She didn’t tell you what it’s like to see the world around you rot to nothing. She didn’t tell you that your baby would turn into a monster and he would have to be put down. She didn’t tell you what it’s like to hear laughter turn to dying coughs. To see honesty lie when she says, ‘we’ll be friends forever.’ To see charity left with nothing in the world and kindness turn ugly and black.” Tears trickled down Twilight Sparkle’s face. “To see loyalty abandon you when you need her most..."

Twilight Sparkle spent a moment gathering her thoughts. “It’s a curse, you know,” she continued. “The troll calls it a gift but it’s a curse. You see the world around you wither and die. You try to harden your heart, but love still seeps into your soul even though you know it’s only going to cause you pain. So you throw yourself into your studies and your work but soon enough all the words look the same. You know what’s wonderful about reading the same spell the three hundredth time? Absolutely nothing. How could you be so stupid?” she snapped. “How could you do this? What were you thinking?” She smashed a hoof across his jaw. “What?”

“I was thinking that one day I would die and I wasn’t sure we would be on speaking terms before that happened. I was thinking I would never get to tell you I love you one last time. I was thinking I would leave Cadance all alone in the world, and her heart would break. I told Celestia that if she had a method, I would take it.” Shining Armor sighed and looked down. His cheek was turning red from the punch. “It wasn’t her though. She searched and she searched but she couldn’t find anything. Cadance gave up hope and I grew old right before her eyes. Then one day, there was a great and horrible threat to the Crystal Empire. I was old and tired but I still had my duty to perform. These shadow monsters sought the Crystal Heart and beat the guards back into the tower. I was nearly killed, and in those last fleeting moments of life all I could think about was Cadance. I didn’t care about my own life or my own soul. All I could think about was keeping her safe and I begged to whatever power would listen to somehow grant me the strength to push just a little farther. I don’t remember what happened next, but when I woke up, I was like this. I had also encircled the entire Crystal Empire in the mother of all shields. I guess destiny runs in the family, huh?”

He sighed heavily. His voice took on weariness. “You didn’t come to Rainbow Dash’s funeral. It broke a lot of hearts.”

“I’ve been to enough funerals for ten lifetimes.” Twilight Sparkle trotted to a vanity mirror and began to brush her mane.

“They’re going to erect a wing at the Wonderbolt Academy for her. Princess Celestia is paying for all the expenses.”

“A preferable form of immortality, to what has been thrust upon us.”

“She had a daughter. Did you even know that? Her name is Soaring Rainbow. She’s already an ace flyer but just look at her parents.”

“She’ll be dead soon enough.”

Shining Armor trotted forward and came to sit behind Twilight Sparkle. She was showing exaggerated interest in a few of her front bangs. She brushed them this way and that way in a struggle to make them perfect.

“Twili,” he said. She didn’t turn around but he could see her reflection in the mirror. The tears were running down her face fully now and in shame she tried to hide her face with her mane. Shining Armor turned her around and placed a hoof under her chin. There were tears in his eyes, as if he just wanted to show her she wasn’t alone. “I miss them too.”

He lowered his rump to the ground, and with a heavy push, lifted himself to sit on his rear. It took a moment to balance on his posterior but when he believed he was secure, he spread his forelegs and wings and offered Twilight Sparkle his belly. She practically crashed into him and he was almost knocked onto his back. She buried her face in his chest like she was a filly and the bullies at school had reduced her to tears.

Twilight Sparkle was accustomed to crying. She had spent day and night sobbing for the past ten years. At first she had tried to stifle her tears, because she thought that was what a princess would do. When that sentiment passed, she wrestled with her tears because she didn’t want the troll to earn the satisfaction. Today she wept. She wept long and loud as if she had never wept before in her entire life. Tears streamed down her face and onto Shining Armor’s chest. He said nothing. He only stretched his long, powerful wings around her and held her as long as she needed.

The door to Twilight Sparkle’s personal quarters opened slowly. Again Celestia attempted to approach but Luna blocked her path. Shining Armor trotted out. He offered a smile to the three princesses. “You head in next, Luna.”

The princess of the night trotted forth and into the room. The door abruptly slammed behind her. Celestia listened closely but did not hear the locks click into place. That was a sign of improvement.

Inside the room, Twilight Sparkle was standing before a window. The drapes were held wide by the embrace of magenta magic. The purple princess was staring at the moon. Luna was ashamed to think it, but she was somehow proud of that. She had been putting extra work into the moon and stars each night for the past month, hoping that Twilight Sparkle might happen to look out and see their beauty. She hoped that somehow that might snap Twilight Sparkle out of her present depression.

“How do you do it?” Twilight Sparkle asked without turning around.

“Lift the moon?”

“Yes and no. How do you deal with the same routine every day? Every night you wake up and lift the moon. You watch over the dreams of your subjects. You peek into their lives and help them with their problems. You get to love those subjects, to care for them, but then they fade away. They’re replaced with a new crop of souls, sure, but the ones you love are still gone. How do you deal with it? Have all the faces of the millions of colts and fillies just blobbed into one ugly mound before your very eyes? Do you eventually just stop caring and learn to fake smiles and compassion?”

Luna came to stand beside the purple princess. Twilight Sparkle had taken after Celestia in appearance. She was tall and slender, while Luna had remained somewhat stocky and muscled. Twilight Sparkle was slouching forward, however, so Luna could stretch a wing over her back in a sign of affection.

“How many stars are in the sky tonight?”

“I don’t know Luna. That’s your area of expertise. I’m in charge of magic, remember?”

“For argument’s sake, let’s say on this particular night, there are three thousand million billion stars. That is the number three followed by sixteen zeroes. That is more stars in the sky that ponies in Equestria. Every one of those stars is different. When faced with the sheer massiveness of the sky, it is easy to excuse each one as just a little twinkle but take my word for it, they are each unique. If you would like, I could take you into the sky and you could appreciate the beauty of my stars. They are so beautiful up close.

“Eventually, each of those trillions of stars will burn out, as all things do. That is just the way life is. That does not mean I cannot appreciate the beauty of my stars. I care for each of them like a mare would her filly. My heart grows heavy each time one of them burns out of the sky, but I take solace in the memory of their beauty while they were alive. I never forget a star either. As long as I remember them, they remain with me forever.”

The door to Twilight Sparkle’s bedchambers opened and Princess Luna trotted out. Princess Celestia attempted to step forward, but a stern glare from the princess of the night kept her at bay. Princess Luna looked to Cadance and tilted her head to the door. The pink alicorn nodded and trotted forth. The door was closed, but remained open a crack. Twilight Sparkle either did not notice, or did not mind.

The smell was what hit Cadance first. Twilight Sparkle had let her hygiene falter, but there was something else in the air. The sorrow and grief that afflicted Twilight Sparkle’s heart was as thick in the air as any odor. Cadance was not sure she could help her, but that did not mean she wouldn’t try.

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladies bug awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake.”

Twilight Sparkle performed the steps of the dance on instinct. Even when it was done, she could not suppress the smile that spread across her lips. She quickly trotted to Cadance and they shared a long embrace. “It has been too long, Twilight,” Cadance said. “I suppose time can slip away when you have an eternity in front of you.”

“Why didn’t you stop Shining Armor? Why didn’t you tell him about the curse of this fate?”

Cadance sighed, and wrapped her wings around the younger alicorn. “Did I ever tell you about my parents?”

Twilight Sparkle backed away and stared up at the pink alicorn, a look of utter shock spread across her features. Cadance smiled, and continued. “I suppose after all these years there are still some things you don’t know? Some mysteries that you have yet to solve. Isn’t it wonderful, that sense of unknowing?” Cadance trotted to the bed, and lay down.

“I was born an alicorn,” she began. “My parents the same. They taught me the concept of love and kindness, and under their gaze I was so happy.” Cadance closed her eyes as the tears started. “We are not immortal, Twilight Sparkle, we are simply long lived. We can be killed just as an earth walker or a pegasi can. Such was the fate of my parents. They stood against a great and terrible evil and they paid with their lives so that I and the rest of the world could go on. I was just a filly at the time, a blank flank in fact. I stood before eternity, completely alone. I tried to go on with my life. I tried to make friends with my fellow fillies, but was ridiculed as a freak because of my horn and wings. I locked myself in my bedchambers.

“It was Princess Celestia who pulled me out of that dark place. She showed me the love of a mother mare that I so desperately needed. When I met Shining Armor I felt the love of a mate. When I met you, I felt the love of a sister. Still, dread touched my heart every moment of every day. When I looked upon you, a filly so full of life, all I could see was the old, withered mare you would one day become. When I looked upon Shining Armor, I saw a decrepit stallion gasping for his last breath while I sat beside his deathbed. I could not even put my faith into Celestia, for I was all too aware that alicorns can die.”

“What changed?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“I realized I had a choice to make and only I could make it. I could harden my heart and refuse love’s entrance. By doing that, I would spare myself the pain of loss but would it be worth it? The other option was to allow love to fill me and accept the pain it caused along with the good. I chose the latter, and my cutie mark spawned on my flank. When I saw my husband, my knight in shining armor, fall to the hordes of darkness, I felt my heart break once again. I felt the same horrid sickness as when I watched my parents succumb to the hordes. I begged to whatever force was up above. I offered my soul to save his. It was selfish, I know, but I cannot imagine an eternity without him. I do not know what god answered my prayers, but I am forever grateful. Still, I am aware he may someday fall to the spears of our enemies so I have made the choice to treasure every moment I can spend with him. I also treasure every moment I spend with you. Even as eternity is laid before my hooves, I believe every second is a gift to spend with those I love.”

Cadance dipped her head and kissed Twilight Sparkle, before turning and trotting out of the room. “You’re never alone, Twilight Sparkle. Please never forget that. Outside your door are ponies who will always be there for you but you must take the first step.”

Looking out the window, Twilight Sparkle noticed the first glimmers of the sun on the horizon. She abruptly closed the curtains and the room was filled with darkness once more.

Her first steps outside of her bedchambers were filled with fear and hesitance. Luna had gone off to sleep and Celestia was on the balcony most likely, raising the sun. Twilight Sparkle was not sure where Cadance had gone off to but she felt a pang of sadness that the pink alicorn did not wait longer for her to come out. Her brother was there however, and as she stepped out of the room, he greeted her with a warm smile. She could not stop herself from rushing to him and burying her face in his chest again. He wrapped his wings around her and kept her safe from the world.

“Where is Celestia?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“On the balcony with her guest,” her brother said. “Would you like me to come with you?”

“No. I need to go alone.” She broke the embrace and headed down the hallway, but then turned around and once more rushed to him. “I love you so much, Shiny,” she said through tears. “Your wings really look great, too.” She laughed for the first time in years, before hurrying down the hallway. When she stepped out onto the balcony, the warm rays of the sun touched her fur for the first time in years. For so long, she only ever went out at night. She had blamed the sun for her affliction and refused to let it touch her. Celestia had done a good job on the sun today.

Celestia was indeed standing at the edge of the balcony and watching her handiwork. Standing beside her was a large, black alicorn who Twilight Sparkle did not recognize. The purple princess cleared her throat, and both alicorns turned to look to her.

“Good morning Princess Sparkle,” Celestia said. Her magenta eyes were a little puffy and she wiped her snout on her foreleg in a very improper way. “Forgive me. This is… uhm…” She looked to the black alicorn, unsure what to say.

“You can call me Digger.” The black alicorn’s voice was like an earthquake. Twilight Sparkle actually found herself shaking at the deep baritone that vibrated through her every bone. Digger was a little shorter than Celestia but he more than made up for his height with his girth and the apparent muscle housed beneath his obsidian fur. He was bigger than Shining Armor, a stallion Twilight Sparkle had always fancied the biggest and strongest of all ponykind. “I am an old friend of the royal family,” Digger continued. “Ms. Celestia asked me to come here as a personal favor.”

Celestia lifted a hoof in front of her face and took a deep breath in and out. “It was never my intention to hurt you, Princess Sparkle. I thought that placing you on the path of your destiny was the right decision. I thought it was what best for you and for all of Equestria. I now realize my mistake.”

Celestia gestured to Digger. He stood like a statue of onyx. Twilight Sparkle was not even sure he was breathing, although it might have just been a trick of his black fur or her tired mind.

“It is not my right to hold you hostage in this world of pain and suffering. Seeing what I have done to you has caused me agony like I have never known before and yet I cannot free you of your curse.” Celestia bowed her head. “Cannot, or will not? I am sure that question quivers on your lips. I do not know. Digger can free you, however. If you wish to leave this world and join your friends in the world beyond, Digger will escort you. I only ask one thing, Princess Sparkle.” Princess Celestia bowed her foreleg and lowered her head down. “I ask for your forgiveness for my mistake and all the pain I have caused you. I never wanted that. When I set you on the path, I fancied myself a simple guide. Instead I thrust a destiny upon you, never wondering if it was a destiny you desired. I am sorry.”

“You are forgiven,” Twilight Sparkle said, her voice quivering.

Celestia stood up and offered a smile as warm as the very sun. With a deep breath she turned her back to Twilight Sparkle. She lowered her head and used her magic to pull her mane in front of her face, hiding it from the world.

It was her turn to cry.

Author's Note

I will leave what happens next up to you. The cover can be viewed as Celestia and Twilight Sparkle finally reconciling and prepared to take on eternity side by side. Celestia turns her head so that Twilight Sparkle won’t see her tears of elation. I always write Celestia as having extreme reservations about crying. You can’t show your sadness when everyone looks to you for strength. Or it could be viewed as one final moment of peace between master and apprentice before they part ways forever, one final embrace of forgiveness. Celestia turns her head so that Twilight Sparkle won’t see her tears. The ending dialogue was written with a lot of care. I didn’t want Celestia’s dialogue to seem manipulative, like she was telling Twilight Sparkle if she didn’t stay, it would kill her. So Celestia would be hiding her tears so Twilight wouldn’t feel bad. It seems no matter what, Celestia always has to struggle to make eye contact. I would love to hear your thoughts. I might announce my word of god about what happens, I might not. We’ll see.

Please tell me what I can improve though, since I will submit this one to EQD.