A Day in the Life of a Wabbajack

In an alternate universe where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were overthrown by Discord, and has ruled Equistria for thousands of years. Discord loves to prank his subjects and punish in the most hysterical manners without mercy. Discord is finding his life to be less exciting than it used to. Day by day his life gets more, and more boring since the Great War for Equistria. He longs for something he, but can't quite put a finger on it...

A Day to Myself

I woke up on a Sunday morning and I got up to realize, the moon was next to the sun. Why this had happened I had no idea. Maybe I mustered up a little chaos in my sleep? Maybe they were plotting against me? I had to be sure they wouldn't, being the King and all I had to be sure to keep my subjects in line. I snapped my fingers and I sent the moon far off into space. Somewhere where the Sun couldn't possibly communicate with it.

I walk over to my bathroom and turn on the sink. I splash my face with some water, and made a few funny faces in the mirror. I smelled something funny. Not 'haha' funny, but 'off' funny. I lifted up my arm and a green mist was emanating from my arm pit. "I don't feel like stinky today...", I said "I'll take a shower!"

It had been forever since I had last taken a shower. It was dirtier than I remembered. There seemed to be a colony of ants in there, with mildew and moss built up around the rims. "Blech, when did this occur?", I questioned to myself. Had it really been that long? I twirled around and it turned into a magnificent porcelain tub fit for royalty, such as myself. I had filled it to the brim with searing hot and soapy water. I elevated it above my head and said, "Showers are too mainstream" and the tub capsized above me pouring the water all over me and splashing across the floor. The water kept rising and I was submerged in the boiling bath and then it all rushed out of the door and whisked me away all the way over to my closet.

I got up and started to search through my closet. "Hmm... Shall I go with my suit today, Merry Belle?"

Merry Belle was startled. She didn't know that I noticed her. Poor thing, she always tries to get past me somehow, doesn't work well.

"Um... Yeah, sure... Whatever makes you feel best my lord..."

She's adorable when she tries to flatter me, with her cocoa brown hair always getting into her eyes. She's always getting her hair out of her eyes.

"I thought I said we were on a first name basis Merry Belle. My lord is fine still but--"

"But I thought it would be disrespectful not to call you 'My lord' or 'My King'. Because the last person who called you... by your name... You vaporized him..."

"It is disrespectful to talk out of turn, and I didn't vaporize him. I simply turned him to a puddle and focused the sun on him. Evaporation is more the word you're looking for my sweet naive assistant."

I decided to go with the linen tan suit I hadn't worn since I became King. I gave Merry Belle a look and she nodded and gave me a smile. After an exchange of compliments a man burst through the door at a most awkward time. I had Marie leant backwards in my arms as if we were dancing the tango, immediately she was dropped. A thud rang out I helped her up and assessed the situation with the man. He was a soldier.

"My lord, there was a rumor of a small rebellion appearing in upper Manehattan--"

"Ah, Manehattan. I've been meaning to get to that, why are all of the town and city names pony related?"

"Sir... Wait, pony related. How do you figure? That's besides the point! We need your advice--"

"I mean c'mon really? Ponyville, Manehattan, Hoofington, Fillydelphia, Los Pegasus, and for the love of me, get it, Trottingham."

"Sir, I do not wish to be disrespectful--"

"So don't be--"

"Could you just stop interupting!"

"You lower your tone. You naughty child you!" I said flirtatiously and I heard a little giggle from Marie.

"Sorry... What?!"

"Can you not hear? Well allow me to help you," I made his ears grow to a titanic proportion larger than his own body " that better?" He fell over the weight of the ears were to great for him to handle. I walked over to him and crouched down and brought my mouth close to his ear. "I don't care what you do... Just. Fix. It. Understood?"

"Mhm" He nodded, or at least he tried to.

His ears returned to normal size and he left the room. I turned to Marie seductively, creeping slowly towards her. She stays where she is, face turned away trying not to blush. She parts her hair and I appear right in front of her line of sight. "We're alone, you know?"

"Yeah." She replies.

"And guess what?"

"You're going to give me the day off?"

"Oh you are just a treat!" I say lightly tapping her nose. Then I snapped my fingers and we changed clothes. "I feel this is more fitting for the occasion."

"Is this a dance outfit?" she asked.

"Why yes it is. Not just a dance outfit, a sexy dance outfit. Right now we are going to, ahem, 'tango'." I said with a particularly Spanish accent

"No I don't think I should--"

"Why not?" I say lying on the bed in a very seductive position, "Isn't it your duty to serve the King?"

"Well... Yeah but I didn't think 'Servicing' was in the job description."

"It's not. I just wanted to know if you did. A lot of girls out there want a piece of chaos in them."

"Gross!"

"Be quiet. Ju know Ju like it."

/) (\

Later in the afternoon I walked into the courtyard and greeted the birds. Later I would head down to the town and wreak some havoc of some sort, but for now I just wanted to watch the birds true nature. I had never done this type of thing before, and I thought what could it hurt?

The birds splashed around in the bird bath, sang a few songs, flapped their wings a lot, and napped. It didn't seem to different than what regular people did. I despise regular people. Probably because of the fact that they didn't understand how fun true chaos was.

I got down to the town around noon. I stopped by the Cake's house to see what kind of great delicacy they had ready for me today. When they brought it out I was amazed. It was something they usually made but, something inside of me had saw the true beauty of it. I dragged a finger across the top and accumulated some frosting and began to lick it off my finger.

"Truly exquisite!" I pronounced.

"Oh really, you think so?" Mrs. Cake replied.

"Oh, Mrs Cake. I know so. Who knows better than your King?"

"No one sir!" exclaimed Mr. Cake.

"Oh and you may want to clean up that mess."

They looked around, "What mess?" they said in unison.

"This one" the cake exploded and got everywhere. Meanwhile I was rolling on the floor laughing and a pink haired girl jumped off the walls with excitement.

I left the bakery covered in cake. I  took a few steps outside when I heard a dog bark and before I knew it, it was all over me, licking my face and my cake covered parts with such a joy. I thought this dog must have really liked frosting. Then I heard a voice, "Winona!". I look towards where the voice came from, it was a farm girl.

"Winona! What in tarnation are you doin'?"

"Heh, nice dog you have there."

"I'm mighty sorry King Dis--"

"Nah-ah. Just my lord, or my king."

"Sorry my lord" she said reluctantly.

"And might I ask who you are?"

"O'course! I'm Applejack! I work at Sweet Apple Acres with my big brother and most of my family. We've worked hard for many years on that farm."

"I didn't need too much detail but thank you Applejack who works at Sweet Apple Acres. Well is there anything you need my loyal subject?"

"Uhh... Not that I can think of sir."

"Alright then. Would you mind giving me a tour of Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Gosh Mr. Dis-King, sorry. I don't know. We're awful busy back at the farm... In fact I better be back there now. The apples are ripening and I gotta help so we can harvest it all in time. Do you think we could reschedule?"

"Oh no its fine. I just have nothing to do today." I sighed.

"Well gosh Mr. King, I don't know how to help... I know you can go talk to Fluttershy! I bet she's got something to keep you busy if you're bored!"

"Oh really?"

"Oh yeah she's at the edge of the town so just look for the tree house."

"Okay then, and don't you be late on those apples now! Don't want the timberwolves to get to 'em." I had an evil grin on my face.

"Yeah... Okay then. Have a mighty fine day Mr. King."