Forty Six and 2

by Divide

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 1903

Celestia yearns for an End.

Celestia yearns for an end, but will she find solace in her conclusion?

Published 2013-02-20 08:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-20 08:00:01 UTC

Solace

My shadow's

shedding skin and

I've been picking

Scabs again.

I don't know how long it's been since everything was normal. Or at least, my definition of normal. It feels like only yesterday that I sent her to Ponyville. To learn the magic of friendship. To make friends.

...To keep her away from me.

I'm down

Digging through

My old muscles

Looking for a clue.

I can't remember why --or how-- I kept my feelings a secret. Maybe my body is finally shutting down. I always figured that the memory would be the first to go; the first sign towards the end.

I've been crawling on my belly

Clearing out what could've been.

We. We could've been. I know this as fact, not fiction. I just know it. It was inevitable that we would become closer, given our relationship. I was practically her surrogate mother all those years ago, and all it would've taken was a simple question.

One question.

I've been wallowing in my own confused

And insecure delusions

For a piece to cross me over

Or a word to guide me in.

All I have left is a figment, an apparition.

A misconception.

No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about her; where she is, how she is, what she's thinking.

Thinking. It's all I can do now. Nopony needs me. Nopony wants me. I have always pondered what may lie in store for me at the end... and I can only hope that it isn't any more thrice-damned thinking.

Maybe... maybe I could get another chance. Is it possible to get a third chance?

I wanna feel the changes coming down.

Change. I want it.

I need it.

Anything different than these monotonous, trifling thoughts of an alicorn would be welcome. If variety is the spice of life, than thinking is monotonous, day-in, day-out repetition.

By the Stars, I hope my so-called immortality is nothing but an exaggeration. I loathe to spend any more time on this world.

I wanna know what I've been hiding in

My shadow.

For too long I have regretted my choices. I made a play against circumstance, and lost. They told me that becoming one of the Old Kind was relegated to the strings of fate, like so many tangled spider webs, but did I listen?

No.

I ignored them, and went ahead with the ceremony anyway.

Change is coming through my shadow.

So happy. All of them. But like a fleeting light in the darkness, one smile became a shadow of its former self.

It was my fault. All my fault. Through my avarice and want, my need to have her to myself, I destroyed the very thing I was trying to preserve.

My shadow's shedding skin

I've been picking

My scabs again.

It hurts to think about them. All of them. A deep sorrow within me, a painful throb where my heart used to be. Their attitudes. Their friendship.

Their love.

I wonder what it was like to have a forever positive outlook on life, to be able to see only the good out of any situation.

I've been crawling on my belly

Clearing out what could've been.

Oh, sister; what hath become of thou? I haven't seen you since the weaving of our predetermined existence came undone, the strings of fate snipping and snapping and fraying.

Are you still sane, Luna? Do you ponder existential questions that are meaningless as well?

Hopefully you are more lucid than I, sister. I can almost imagine you responding...

...I wonder how the Moon is this time of year.

Probably cold.

I've been wallowing in my own chaotic

And insecure delusions.

I wonder if she's thinking about me. I think --back to this damned thinking!-- that she must still have some sort of... presence. Unravelling with fate and time must have had some sort of consequence.

She had --has-- a strong will. Perhaps even stronger than mine.

Not just now, when I am losing coherence and stability, but during the Before Times. She was strong. She is strong.

I wanna feel the change consume me,

Feel the outside turning in.

What I wouldn't give to see her right now. To feel her soft fur against my own. To embrace her magical aura with my own. To contemplate the secrets of the Universe with her.

What one brilliant mind created is evidence by the remains around me... but two?

The world would have been ours.

I wanna feel the metamorphosis and

Cleansing I've endured within

Trial by fire. My sister and I had to go through it when we banished Discord the first time, and she and her friends went through their own set of harrowing challenges when my the Nightmare returned.

Then, they had their very souls corrupted by Discord, and yet they still triumphed in the end.

Finally, they disposed of Chrysalis, who was able to overpower me.

And then... I wanted to give them all the gift of immortality. But I could only choose one...

I miss them, all of them. I miss her the most, but they all held special places in my heart.

My shadow

Change is coming.

Pinkamena Diane Pie. Always laughing, always bringing a smile to other pony's faces. I could sense the darkness within her ever since I first laid eyes on her, the darkness that she tried so hard to ignore. She fought it admirably, with a smiling mask and a bubbly personality and in the end, her friends were able to dispel the stain upon her poor, misunderstood soul.

Now is my time.

You were happy until your last breath. You made other ponies happy long after you passed on. If there were any left in the land of the living, I'm sure that you would still be making them smile. You were one of the few ponies that could cheer me up, Element of Laughter. May your rest be pleasant and your endless dreams bring you joy.

Listen to my muscle memory.

Applejack. Steadfast, honest, reliable. All the attributes of the simple farmer. She was always a shoulder to lean on in your time of need, somepony who would stick by you through thick and thin. I know that she felt like the inferior pony compared to some of the other bearers, but little did she know, she was the one who kept them all together.

Contemplate what I've been clinging to.

You always spoke your mind, Element of Honesty. Some other ponies didn't like that about you, but I always found it admirable that you would tell it like you saw it. It was a welcome relief to talk to somepony that I wouldn't have to second guess. You were the glue that kept all of them together; I'm sure you knew it too, deep down. I'm sure that you are still around, watching over me like the loyal subject you are. You won't need to watch for much longer, Applejack.

May someone else guard over you, Element of Honesty.

Forty-six and two ahead of me.

Rainbow Dash. The self-proclaimed fastest flyer in Equestria. Not that it wasn't true, mind, but she always was self-assured. She was the most confident pony that I have ever known, completely sure of her own abilities, which may have been misconstrued as laziness by others. Brash, competitive, mischievous... she was an interesting mare, to say the least.

I choose to live and to

Grow, take and give and to

Move, learn and love and to

Cry, kill and die and to

Be paranoid and to

Lie, hate and fear and to

Do what it takes to move through.

You were the only one that I was not entirely sure of, Rainbow Dash. When I felt the Element of Loyalty being passed on to you, I thought that it was a mistake. You were rash and wavering in your decisions, arrogant and proud in your own opinions and in your opinions of others. But you never lied  or abandoned your friends and loved ones, which is more than I could say about myself. I saw you eyeing her as well, you know. Thank the Stars she was as clueless as you were aware.

Despite my early misgivings, you proved yourself to be a shining role model and the true Element of Loyalty, never leaving your friends behind, even though you could. May the wind be always at your back, Wonderbolt.

I choose to live and to

Lie, kill and give and to

Die, learn and love and to

Do what it takes to step through.

Rarity. Many thought of her as being stuck-up, with a propensity for the overly-dramatic, but I always knew that she had everypony's best interests at heart. She always strove to be 'perfect', to always be the center of attention. Her seamstress skills were second to none, and she went down in history as one of the greatest designers of ponykind. A shame that none of it matters any more.

See my shadow changing,

Stretching up and over me.

Your attention to detail was unrivalled, and even though you occasionally became carried away with them on more than one occasion, the benefits greatly outweighed the hindrances. You were always gracious, always giving, even when you had no reason to be. I hope that your unending magnanimity has given you some sort of reward at the End, Element of Generosity.

You deserve it.

Soften this old armour.

Fluttershy. Gentle. Quiet. She was the most benevolent, kind-hearted soul that I ever had the pleasure of knowing. She was almost unanimously loved by all. Able to win the hearts of ponies and animals alike was no small feat, yet she humbly stayed in the background, allowing her friends to soak up the spotlight.

Hoping I can clear the way

By stepping through my shadow,

Coming out the other side.

Your death hit me the hardest, aside from hers. When you passed, the entirety of Equestria was awash in the tears of mourning. Even I, who long thought my tear ducts dried and withered away into nothingness, cried like a foal when your soul was unravelled.

May whomever guards the other side shower you with the love and admiration you are entitled to, Element of Kindness.

Step into the shadow.

Forty six and two are just ahead of me.

"Celestia."

What is that?

"Celestia."

That's my... name? Who is calling for me?! Show yourself!

"It's time."

My... time? My time has come?

...

My time has come. Finally, gloriously, my time has come!

Oh, how long I have waited for this moment! Release me from my torment!

...

Where am I? No longer am I within the decaying remains of Equestria. I am... somewhere else? Somewhere different?

Drifting. Drifting through an endless void, with no signs of anything. No sign of them.

No sign of her.

There is nothing here. It was too much to ask for a third chance. There are no third chances.

"Perhaps... we could make an exception."

What?

...

"...Is that you, Princess Celestia?"

...

No.

It can't be. The same purple. The same horn. The same wings.

Fate is not as cruel as I thought.

"Hello, Twilight Sparkle. I have something very important to tell you..."

"I love you..."