The Ways of the Heart

by The Brony Writer

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Sad, Alternate Universe, Romance
Length: 7951

Love between a human and a pony is outlawed and looked down upon. But, that does nothing to stop two young hearts who rediscover one another after many years. And the consequences of their actions will shock even themselves.

This story has been cancelled. If you want to write a story inspired by this, PM me and I will give my approval.

An average human man. He lives his daily life alongside his fellow humans and the ponies of Equestria. When he isn't working at his job, he either walks or drinks with friends. He truly believes that his life couldn't be any better.
A young Equestrian princess. Her daily tasks as co-ruler of Equestria become somewhat of a monotonous routine that she secretly desires to break. She truly believes that her life could be much better with a little…something.

So why would you focus on these two beings that literally come from different worlds?

Because one day very soon, they will set off a chain of events that will change their lives forever and test the fabric of society itself. And it all starts with a sudden twist in the river of Fate that gives the man and the princess an unexpected lesson in love.

WARNING
Contains language and use of alcohol.

Cover Art found by Knighty in a blog post

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-01 20:20:40 UTC

Party of the Century (Part 2)

Another day, another report. Like my usual letters to Princess Celestia from back then, I kept a chronicle of my own experiences as the Princess of Friendship to keep track of everything. Usually, I would have Spike write them down for me while I paced around the room to kept my thoughts together. However, this one was a little more personal that I wanted to keep secret. I didn't want a single soul seeing this, not even Celestia or Luna. For that matter, I especially wanted to keep this a secret from Cadence and Shiny. Breathing a heavy sigh, I sat at my desk as my pen wrote every word down at my magic's command.

From the Studies of Twilight Sparkle, Equestrian Princess of Friendship

June 22, My 27th Birthday

I truly can't believe saying this, but I am honest-to-Celestia bored. this day has been nothing more than the same routine as the past three years. Find a friendship problem, fix a friendship problem, and write about it. Find a friendship problem, fix a friendship problem, and write about it. And you would think that my birthday would be a reason to celebrate around this time. But ever since that incident in Saddle Arabia, the world has just decided to stop sending disaster our way. Not that anypony would complain about not being some kind of war and want to see ponies die, but it would be nice to see something interesting once in a while. Something small like finding a surprise cake in the mail from Pinkie Pie or hearing a Sonic Rainboom in the distance. I suppose I can only wish to relive all the good times in Ponyville with my friends. But, I digress.

I suppose I’m writing this entry because I’m afraid of getting older. Faust dammit, I’m 27 and I still haven’t experienced much of anything that the rest of them have. Big Macintosh proposed to Fluttershy and I didn’t even find out about it until a few days ago! If only I could-

I had to stop myself from writing as I felt a new sensation in my horn. It would probably take at least a few hours to explain how it all works, but I had recently developed a spell that gave out a pulse every time there was a friendship quarrel anywhere in Equestria. I suppose a similar way to put it for humans would be feeling 'a disturbance in the Force' type of thing. The only difference this time was that it felt much closer than any other I had felt before. As the Princess of Friendship, it was and still is my solemn duty to resolve any troubles between that I can. So, without giving it a second thought, I rushed out to the outdoor balcony and leapt into the air. My horn began to guide me towards the disturbance, which would turn out to be one of the most important events of my life.

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Before we go any further, let me just clarify something. Remember when I said that we “stepped through the portal to the sounds of a bustling capital city”? That statement was to be taken literally. When we stepped through, we did hear the sounds of a bustling city. The only problem was that we weren't exactly in the bustling city. The long and short of it all is this.

Here’s a representation of Canterlot.

And I came to find out a few weeks after this incident that we were right....about...

There.

Get it? Got it? Good.

Now, Ron and I had noticed this when we first stepped through. We were expecting to be in Canterlot, but we panicked as soon as we saw the cliff. We backed away as far as we could from the ledge. We didn't know how far the drop was, but we could very well guess that it would kill us. We didn't even take long to guess that something was horribly wrong since we could see the tops of the city towers at eye level. I slowly slid down the wall until I was sitting on my butt and began to breathe heavily. The sounds of chatter coming from the city now felt like all the voices in the world mocking me and laughing at my misfortune. My mind was racing at a hundred miles a minute in response to everything that just went wrong. There were all of these complex things running through my head that I didn't even understand. I could've been coming up with a scientific explanation to magic for all I knew. And do you know what the first words that came out of my mouth were?

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh SHIT!!"

Brilliant, am I right? So, it's obvious to say that I was scared shitless. However, one does not simply have time to be scared shitless with someone like Ron around them. All of a sudden, he pulled me up by my shirt collar and pinned my back to the wall with strength that I didn't even know he had. He actually managed to knock the wind out of me, which still surprises me to this day. As I slowly recovered from my friend's spontaneous bout of violence, I noticed that his usual carefree expression was replaced this time by a look of pure rage.

"Mate," he began slowly. "What have you done?!" he then shouted at me full-force.

"How the hell should I know?!" I retorted back.

"Because it's all your bloody fault that we're in this mess!"

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Don't you give me that load of bollocks. "You're the one who put the coordinates into the bloody station, so you put the wrong numbers in and stranded us on a goddamn mountain!"

At this point, Ron was starting to me angry too. I knew that I was innocent of anything and I would never blame either of us for this. And yet, my best friend was treating me like crap for something that I didn't do. I reached up and gripped his arms that were holding me back, and pulled them off of me. Using a wrestling maneuver, I quickly spun Ron around and pinned him to the wall using a great amount of strength to hold him back. Now that I had the advantage, I could speak freely without the risk of either of us getting hurt.

"Did you forget that you gave me the coordinates in the first place?!" I asked venomously.

"What do you mean?" Ron grunted.

"You figured out the coordinates for Canterlot and gave them to me, so you obviously made a mistake in the numbers. So, do me a favor and stop blaming me for something that isn't my fault!"

"Oh so now you're putting this all on me?!"

"Well, unless the station just decided to malfunction on its own, then yes! Now calm the fuck down and let's figure a way out of this!"

There was a long, tense silence between us before I felt Ron begin to relax. I slowly let off the pressure until I was completely off of Ron, but I kept my eyes on him in case he tried anything unsavory. He didn't move from that spot on the wall as he finally said to me, "For the record, I'm still blaming you."

"Is it anything that I can help with?" a new voice said.

There was a feminine tone to this new voice, which meant that it wasn't coming from either of us. I looked behind to try and find the source, but there was nothing. I checked every direction around me, but there was still nothing. It wasn't until the voice said, "Up here", that I finally saw it. Hovering above me was the figure of what appeared to be a Pegasus pony flapping its wings to stay aloft. I could make out s much because the figure was outlined directly in the center of the sun. It wasn't until I forced myself to look through the blinding light more carefully that I saw the horn on top of its head.

'Alicorn princess,' I thought as it finally clicked in my brain. As if by instinct I grabbed Ron from the wall, spun him around and pushed him down with me so that we were both in a seated bowing position.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ron whispered in confusion.

"Royalty," I whispered back. "Directly above us."

"...Seriously?"

"I shit you not."

He didn't say anything more, so I assumed that he understood what was going on. While it's common courtesy to bow before royalty, the honest truth was that I was afraid. I really didn't know if there were consequences for not treating your eternal protectors with respect. Most likely because I was never told of any by anyone or anypony. But from what I had heard of the Canterlot dungeons, it was better to be safe than sorry. I heard the sounds of two more wing-beats and hooves clopping against the ground.

“You may rise,” the voice said with sincerity. The two of us did so, and we finally had a good view of the Princess. Ron was definitely surprised, but more ecstatic than anything.

“Princess Twilight!” he said while rushing over to her. He kneeled down beside and began to talk to her. If you saw him, you’d think that he was a kid in a candy store.

For me, however, just looking at her for the first time did a number on me. Yes, I know I'm a human and it's normal for me to be attracted to human girls, but this pony was something else. Her pale mulberry coat, those magnificent wings, and her hair that no human could possibly pull off. For the first time in my life, I could do nothing less than breathlessly admire the beauty of this pony. The name ‘Princess Twilight’ rang in my ears, and I was able to quickly determine that this pony was the Birthday Mare of the day. And as if all of this information wasn’t enough for me to bare, there was something about the Princess that I couldn’t put my finger on but still came off as being familiar.

My thought process was interrupted by Ron via shaking the crap out of me. “I’ve got some amazing news, my friend!” That got my attention and I was all ears on him. “I’ve found a way that we can enjoy even more. The Princess has agreed to help us and give us free VIP access!”

All I could say was, "Have I ever told you how you are the greatest friend ever?"

Prologue

“Twenty-four years. Two months. Four weeks. Nine days. It feels like only yesterday, but that’s how long it’s really been since that infamous day. It was the saddest of all endings and the strangest of new beginnings. The Exodus is the most important event in the history of all history. I suppose it would be like the discovery of fire or inventing the wheel back on Earth. Yeah, it’s that important. Of course, the story has a happy ending. However, what they leave out in the stories is what happened before the Exodus. In truth the anniversary of that day is one of sadness and mourning for us humans. Billions of people were gone in an instant, vanished without a trace and were never seen or heard from again. And even after all this time we still don’t know why it happened. No one even knows what happened which is why it’s often ignored. Tragic doesn’t describe how any of us feel about it.”

“But, like I said the story has a happy ending. If you’ve noticed, we had a real motive for calling it the Exodus. Something powerful and benevolent had rescued us from our deaths and led us to a new home. A very small fragment of our species was miraculously rescued away from the planet and transported to a strange new world to call home: Equestria, a realm where our myths and legends come to life. This world’s population is a weird composition of even stranger ‘people’; the dominant species is a race of candy-colored talking ponies. It sounds like something out of a kid’s TV show, but it’s definitely real. We didn’t know who had saved us at the time, but we were still incredibly grateful to them for giving us another chance at life. We welcomed the thought of having another home and looked forward to learning the ways of this new world. But, as with all things, everyone has that awkward first day in a place they don’t know.”

“When my people first arrived, I was only four years old. I was a little orphan boy without any family to speak of. One of my first memories in fact was arriving in our new home. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though. I saw fear in the eyes of those strange pony-like creatures which actually doesn’t come as a surprise. How would you feel if a bunch of hairless apes just appeared out of nowhere? How about if they managed to appear in the supposedly well-guarded capital city? Disaster could have struck because the ponies were afraid of us and we were afraid of them. However, I guess you could say that curiosity was our real savior. There was one little pony among them that planted the seeds of friendship within us all. But with which one of us you may ask? That little orphan boy with no family to speak of. It was a small lavender-colored unicorn, possibly younger than I, looking from behind another pony in the crowd. I remember that as soon as I looked into its eyes, I saw something that distinguished it from the rest of them. Instead of fear, I saw curiosity. It was strange, but I actually felt a bond being made with that pony. Almost as if it knew the sort of fear and uncertainty that I felt at the moment. I wasn’t sure of what I was doing, but I stepped forward towards the pony with newfound comfort. As if it could read my mind it stepped forward at the same time. We both took another step, then another and another. I gave a small smile and it gave one back. The curiosity in its eyes didn’t diminish in the least.”

“Soon, we were about a foot away from each other. I got down on one knee to meet it at eye level. This time I could feel the warmth in the smile gave me. It raised a hoof towards me as if to shake my hand. In a tiny voice it said, ‘Hello’.”

“It was a very small voice, but it had a distinct sound to it. To me it sounded like I was talking to a little human girl. It scared me at first, but that quickly turned into amazement. Right in front of me was an animal that could talk just like a human. It was every kid’s dream to find one, and I had finally fulfilled it. It took me a while until I realized that her hoof was still pointed at me. I stared at it completely unsure of what to do. I knew that the pony didn’t have fingers, so there was pretty much nothing to shake. I mimicked what she was doing as best I could by making a fist. With it I gently bumped her hoof with it. I had no idea of this as a child, but a hoofbump is apparently a very good thing. In their society and culture, it is a sign of friendship, love and family. The rest of the ponies saw what just happened which told them that we weren’t so bad after all. One by one they started to make friends with us, and the tension between our races was gone.”

“And thus began our integration into the society of Equestria. It was a long and confusing process to accomplish, but the good that would come to the ponies and the humans made it all worth it. The confusion came from the humans’ intentions to create a high society among themselves. It was an effort to give humanity a voice of their own in Equestria and address their opinions about the government’s actions. Of course, the ponies’ matriarchal system of government was not accustomed to such a thing and many opposed it vehemently. On the other hand, or hoof if you will, Princesses Celestia and Luna thought it to be an intriguing concept and decided to create one of their own. Under their command, the ponies and the humans gathered their smartest scholars and wisest philosophers together to create a new group called the Senate. And with the creation of the Senate, a new system of government was born. The Senate would discuss the issues of the country and decide what are the necessary actions to take in order to solve them. After the discussion was completed the final say would go on to the Princesses, and the Senate was expected to respect their wishes. It would take time for the ponies to get used to it, but they found it more comforting to know that they could have a say in what would happen from now on.”

“As for humans and ponies living together, we came to a consensus among ourselves in terms of traditions. As separate races, we would be allowed to celebrate our traditions on our own. These include major holidays such as Easter for the humans, and Hearth’s Warming for the ponies. As for minor holidays, the ones with the most similarities would be celebrated together. Some of these include Hearts and Hooves Day with Valentine’s Day, the Mother’s and Father’s Days, and Halloween with Nightmare Night. Other than that, it wasn’t much of a challenge; all that was needed was for us to teach each other about social norms and cultures, and it was like we were no different from them at all. I’m not sure if it’s the ‘magic of friendship’ or not, but the way we live with the ponies has worked out much better than anything ever did on Earth. At least as I’m told today. Even with the harmony among races, the powers that be had a few ground rules laid. One of them included ‘no relationships beyond friendship between humans and ponies’. The Senate and the Princesses all claimed that because either species was incompatible with each other, it was unnecessary and immoral. Like dogs given steaks, the two species accepted it without a word. As for everything that has happened ever since, it’s just history. Nightmare Moon, the Elements of Harmony, Discord, the Changelings, King Sombra and everything in between.”

“Right about here is where my story comes into place. Who am I you may ask? Well, some of you already know me as that little boy who met with the purple filly. Before the day when my life spiraled out of control, I was just an average human living an average life. All except for one big and very dirty secret kept between me and a pony. It really isn’t exactly easy to explain unless you know how everything happened beforehand. So, I guess the best place to start off is right about here.”

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“Order up! One caramel macchiato!” I shouted. Shouting wasn’t something I really needed to do since the place was pretty much empty. That was a little unusual for a place like Donut Joe’s Café. At the end of a normal day, my throat would be raw from screaming over all the idle chit-chat going on. However, the only business we’d had all day was just a few stragglers here and there. Not like the long lines and high levels of irritability that we were normally forced to handle. It probably didn’t help that there was only one human besides me, Joe and another pony working there. It was almost one o’clock now, and the normal noon lunch rush was taking its time getting over there. The imaginative part of my brain first told me, ‘Zombie apocalypse!’. I admit it; I played a lot of Black Ops on my Haystation in college. Good times.

Several minutes had passed and no one had come to pick up their drink. I shouted one more time, but still no answer from anyone or anypony. I looked around to see if any of the customers were without drinks. There was a business suit guy sipping on black coffee and reading the paper. In a booth were two punkie kids sipping on a couple of energy drinks. I then noticed a girl sitting in a back corner booth next to the big windows. She had probably fallen asleep while studying for some big test going on today. Feeling a bit of sympathy for her, I went from around the counter and started over to where she was sitting. When I came closer, I realized that it was a biology textbook she was sleeping in. Always hated that subject. Not wanting to wake her up, I just set the drink on the table for her to have later. It would be better for her to wake up at her own pace.

“Hey buddy! Come over here!” I turned my head to notice that it was my boss, Donut Joe himself, calling me. Normally, he didn’t call any of us over unless it was important. Not wanting to keep waiting, I quickly backpedaled my way over to him. Once I was close enough, I turned on my heel and stood in an army-saluting stance.

“Yoooo Joe! What’s the go?”

Humoring me he said, “At ease soldier. Now listen to me; this is pretty important. I know that you’ve worked for me for many years now. I offered you a job when everypony else wouldn’t and you’ve done an awesome job so far. But, I gotta tell you something serious. It has to do with you, and it has to do with me.”

My anxiety got the best of me for a moment as I asked, “I’m not fired am I?”

“What? No, no, Celestia no! Not in a thousand years no! I’m just saying that you’ve never taken a single damn day off! You’re always the one to lock up the place, turn everything off and leave. Letting somepony else do it one time won’t kill you! I mean you won’t get an opportunity like today when business is slow for once. So, why don’t you use the opportunity and take a damn break already? After all, you’ve got that party this weekend and you should’ve been spending the day at home getting ready for it!”

“A-Are you sure? Because I can work the rest of the day if you-”

“Uh-uh,” he interrupted. “None of that. If you keep doing this to yourself, you’ll make me worry about you even more. I care about you, man. You’re like that long-lost cousin that I never had. So, take my advice and chill before you work yourself to death, okay?”

I tried to come up with anything that would argue against his point, but nothing. Joe always had the talent for winning arguments. After some careful consideration of his words, I made my choice. “What the hell?” I said with a shrug. With a slight jog I went back behind the counter, took off my uniform green apron and hung it up on my hook. I then grabbed my jacket and pulled my little punch card of the side pocket. I put it in the machine and with a satisfied DING, I was off. “See y’all later!” I shouted to my co-workers. They all said goodbye to me back, and I was off. Or so I thought. Before I could even make it out the door, I felt a small tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Sleeping Beauty standing there with a confused smile. She had tanned skin and long black hair with a pair of glasses covering her amber eyes.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have any money to pay for this. So, you can just take it back.” She started to hand me the drink with her expression fading a little. I noticed that she had dark circles under her eyes at least two shades darker than her skin. She probably needed some caffeine more than anything right now. I pushed it back to her with a hand which confused her more.

With a smile I said, “It’s on the house. Don’t worry about it.” The words must not have registered in her brain because I had to repeat it several times before she gave a response.

“Really? I don’t have to pay?”

“Not even a penny.”

She finally gave me an honest-to-God smile, and I swore that I could see a little twinkle in those eyes of hers. She motioned to the heavy textbook in her arm and asked, “Could you hold this for one second?” Confused but still being polite, I took it out of her arm and held it with one hand. Just as I was about to ask why she wanted me to do this, she got on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around my neck. She gave me a tender squeeze as if to silently say ‘thank you’. Her face was right next to mine and some of her hair was dangling in my face. It was very faint, but I could smell the scent of lavender on her hair. It brought me some strange sense of comfort even though she was a complete stranger. Then, she surprised me even more by giving me a kiss on the cheek. It was only a peck, but I could feel the tender softness of her lips on my skin. I felt a heat on my face as she finally pulled away from me. She looked at me with that same smile and said, “Thank you so much!”

And with that, she quickly grabbed the textbook out of my hands and went on. My brain was glitching on me as I tried to process everything. The only thing I could do was just stand there and wonder what the hell had just happened. I touched my cheek in the spot where she had kissed me and I could still feel the warmth from her lips. I still could smell the lavender from her hair and that strange comfort was lingering within me. I began to smile more and more until it was as big as a country mile. Screw what anyone else would think; I felt like Mr. Suave.

“Way to go buddy!” I heard Joe shout. It was then that I realized that I was still in the coffee shop. I didn’t mind if any of my co-workers saw what just happened. In fact, that only boosted my already sky-high confidence levels. I turned around to see if she was still there, but she was already gone. I felt a little sad that I didn’t have the chance to get her letter address or even her name. But even so, that girl lifted my spirits up. Admittedly, I didn’t have that much self-confidence about myself and the way I looked. I thought that was the reason why I could never get a girlfriend no matter how hard I tried. But, with the way that one girl treated me right there, I felt pretty damn good. And so, with an obviously new spring in my step, I threw open the doors and went on my way towards a beautiful day.

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Party of the Century (Part 1)

Sweat dripped to the ground in a pool as I struggled to catch my breath. This shouldn’t have been as hard as it was for me now. It was probably because the greenhouse/rec room felt hotter than usual, but it was most likely because I was way out of practice. I don’t know why I was slacking off with my kickboxing, but that meant I had to go hard to catch up on it. And even though I wore boxer’s tape on my hands, my well-calloused knuckles stung with a slight pain that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It wasn’t a ‘bad hurt’ though; it was like a ‘good kind of hurt’ as they say. Angry thoughts ran around in my head about how I shouldn’t have taken a day off and calling myself all sorts of curses and names. But I knew that I would only do worse if my anger controlled me.

‘Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Clear your mind. Focus your emotions. Do not be angry.’

I repeated my teacher’s exact words in my head and followed her instructions to a tee. Simple, but more than effective. All of my negative thoughts went away as I finally opened my eyes. I readied my stance and focused on the punching bag. My fists grew tighter and tighter as I readied to strike. The wraps around my hands groaned audibly from the increasing pressure. I breathed in and breathed out one last time before I stepped forward quickly and followed with my onslaught.

Two quick shots to the face. Liver blow. Right rib cage. Uppercut. Kick to the throat. Left jaw. Blow after blow, the sounds of my punches and kicks became louder until they filled the entire room. I put everything into everything, all my energy into my moves. I continued with it for a time of I-don’t-know-how-long, and ended it with one last hard punch. As soon as it connected, I finally fell down to the ground on my knees. My muscles were aching, my throat was dry as a desert, and my lungs felt like they were on fire. Though I felt like I was suffering, I was still proud of myself for getting back into the swing of things.

“And the champion falls to the ground!” a familiar voice shouted. “Will he get up this time?! Is the ref going to start the count?!”

“Shut up, Ron,” I said with a weak chuckle.

“Sorry. I just can’t help it when you look like you’ve been ten rounds with Iron Will,” he replied with a chuckle of his own. “Oh and you look like you might need this.” As he said this, he tossed something over to me. It landed a little ways away from me and rolled over to my leg before stopping. Turns out it was a water bottle. Almost instantly, I grabbed the bottle and unscrewed the lid before taking a big gulp of the liquid. It didn’t even take a few seconds before the refreshing effect of the water took hold. I turned my head to face my British roommate and thank him, but I stopped when I noticed his choice of clothing. From the perspective of a Doctor Whooves fan, Ron looked like he was cosplaying as a human version of the Tenth Doctor. He was actually able to pull it out with a full blue suit with red pinstripes and a dark-colored tie. His normally wavy hair now had a messy style to it that looked exactly the same as the Doctor’s mane, and he even had those ‘brainy specs’ perched on the bridge of his nose. Ron was known for doing some pretty out-of-place things, but this was a new level for him.

“Are we finally heading to Barcelona, Doctor?” I joked.

Rolling his eyes he sarcastically responded, “Yes, and it is gonna be fantastic. Now go take a shower. You smell like something ate you and shat you back out.”

I scoffed in response thinking it couldn’t possibly be that bad. But when I took a whiff of my armpit, I found that he wasn’t that far off. I guessed that I had gotten a little carried away beating on the punching bag. There was no way that I could go to the party smelling like this, so I had no choice but to take a shower. As quickly as I could manage, I pushed myself off the floor and stumbled to my feet. I found that I could barely stand because my legs were just about to cramp up, so all I could do was wobble to the door.

Just as I was a few feet from the door, Ron began to grow impatient. “Come on champ! Let’s go! Allons-y!” I gave him a face that screamed ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ as he shouted the Doctor’s catchphrase. “Okay that was a bit much.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

It was a good thing that the house was only 20 feet from the greenhouse. The picturesque view of the place did wonders to give Ron and I a sort of unexplainable happiness. I guess being reminded of the fact that we had a real roof over our heads was the reason why. Of course, neither of us could have made enough money to afford a nice home like that. The place where we lived was actually the small house built into the big one. The ponies living there were kind enough to rent it out for us for a modest price every month, a nice change in pace from those usual Canterlot jerk-offs. Not only that, but it was a pretty nice place for being kinda small. It had cable, plumbing, electricity, heat, a kitchen and two bedrooms for Ron and I with mine being upstairs. Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home. As I finally wobbled to the door and opened it, the heavenly feeling of good air conditioning hit me.

“Thank you God,” I whispered relieved.

“Yeah, great. It’s cold. Now get in the shower before you stink up the place.” Ron said this while giving me a light kick to my ass.

I could tell that he wanted to get to the party as soon as possible even though we would have enough time to get there. But, I didn’t want to irritate him more so I just wobbled along as fast as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that the TV was still on. And what just so happened to be on the TV you may ask? Not surprisingly, an episode of Doctor Whooves. In fact, I would bet my life that it was the one where the Ninth Doctor regenerated into the Tenth. No comment.

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I breathed a heavy sigh as I was finishing up in the shower, feeling clean as a whistle and totally refreshed. I knew that any girl would be expecting nothing less, so I made sure to get every inch of my body. Though I was probably a little paranoid for scrubbing myself down with three different brands of body soap. But, in my opinion being cautious is a lot better than being lazy. Speaking of being cautious, I wanted to give myself a once-over to see if I was at least presentable. With my hair still pretty damp, I took the towel and wiped off the steam that had collected on the mirror. No noticeable blemishes, no dirty spots, no sweat stink; everything looked pretty damn good. It also took me a while to notice, but I saw that I had a good bit of fuzz on my face. And to think it only took me two weeks to grow just that much. I decided not to shave it because it would take so long to grow it back. That and I wanted to try something a little different with my look. After making sure I was okay, I tied the towel around my waist with a knot and opened the bathroom door. The air conditioning hit me once again with a now uncomfortable cold from taking a hot shower. It made goosebumps run up and down my spine, but I resolved myself to tough it out. Quickly but calmly, I walked out and down the hall. to escape the ‘Ice Planet Hoth’ cold. As I was, Ron called out to me from downstairs.

“Your suit’s on your bed by the way!” I heard Ron shout from downstairs. “Something told me you would forget, so I went ahead and picked it up for you!” It was then that I realized I had forgotten to pick up said suit on my way home from work yesterday. Good thing too because I wouldn’t have to kick my own ass to make up for it. Yet another reason to prove that Ron was the best roommate in the world. Even if we were pretty different from each other, we were like the brothers that neither of us had. “Oh and by the way, it’s 4:15 so you’ve got plenty of time!”

“Thanks Ron!” I shouted back.

“No problem, but you owe me now!”

I thought I would just buy him the most expensive drink on the menu to make up for what he did for me. That usually worked. Anyway, as I finally made it to my bedroom, I took a minute to take in the sights around me. My Wonderbolts poster hung on the far right wall with autographs from Spitfire, Soarin’ and Rainbow Dash, the Three Co-Captains. The three of them had actually given it to me after I won a contest at one of their shows on the ground. On the opposite wall, there was another autographed poster, this one of famed actress Sapphire Shores. ‘Keep Calm and Chive On. Yours - Sapphire Shores’, it read. I had no idea what the phrase ‘Chive On’ meant, but I just kept it at that since it was a great honor just to meet her. Then, there was my antique record player perched on my chester drawers. A modest collection of old music stood between two book-stoppers spanning species, several genres and generations. The last thing worth mentioning was a bookcase that housed a huge textbook collection from my college days. I considered myself lucky to get into any college, much less one like the University of Baltimare. It was there that I discovered my love for biology, and I managed to get my Bachelor’s degree in the subject after four and a half years. It was fun, but I had the worst timing of anyone or anypony. Turns out there weren’t many job openings in all of Equestria for anything having to do biology when I graduated. I had done job hunting for about 3 months before I just decided to give up. I had actually stumbled Donut Joe’s and ordered a cup of coffee with the last of my money. Joe asked me what was wrong, and I hadn’t even finished explaining before he stopped me and told me that I got the job.

I snapped myself out of my and went back to the task at hand. To this day, I tend to do that from time to time. Just space out with random thoughts going through my head. Though I’m sure that I’m not the only one, so hopefully I’m not insane or anything like that. I tightly shut my door and grabbed a pair of underwear before letting the towel drop. I slipped the boxers on and made sure that they were snug in all the ‘vital areas’ if you get the picture. I then took one glance at the mirror beside my chester drawers to make sure that everything I needed was in that vicinity. I liked to have everything organized and in one place so that I wouldn’t be rushing everywhere trying to find it. But instead of just rushing through it as usual, I decided to take my time with getting ready. As Ron had said earlier, I had plenty of time so why not spice it up a bit? I went over to my album collection and pulled out one of my favorites. In my mind, it was the perfect kind of music to get sharply dressed to. I carefully took the vinyl disc out of its cover and placed it on my record player. As the needle touched the record, its age was made audible as the trademark static was the first noise to greet me.

(Listen to this!)

As soon as those first notes were plucked, the music enveloped me and I felt like a silky smooth blanket had wrapped itself around me. I began to dance to the rhythm of the music as I could feel the artist’s emotions pour into me like a glass of fine wine. With my body feeling like water, I took the first pieces of my suit out of the plastic covering. The snow-white dress shirt and black dress pants were ironed to pristine quality as expected for the party of the century. I slip the pants on first to find that they fit me like a pair of leg-shaped gloves. Next, I slip the shirt on while leaving it open to expose my chest. I grab my deodorant from the top of the drawers, flip it in the air from behind my back, and flick the top off. Putting a generous amount under both arms, I button it up and tug it into my pants. Then comes the belt, the cuff-links, the Rolex, the tie, the socks and the shoes. I go over to the mirror to check myself, but I find that my hair is already starting to frizz up because of it drying off by itself. Quickly, I grab my hair gel and put a bit-sized amount in each hand. I slick it into my hair and grab my comb to style to my preferred setting. I try several different styles that don’t seem to work before settling on my usual style of flipping it to one side. It was simple yet profound, saying that I was formal while not being a totally stuck-up Canterlotian prick. Finally I slip on my black suit coat, le pièce de résistance, to complete the look. Normally, I didn’t like wearing formal clothes at all because they weren’t really my forte. Even so, I had to admit that I looked pretty damn good.

With my routine finished, I turned the record player off and gently took the needle off the record. Thanks to the bluesy sounds from the music, my confidence levels managed to hit a peak that would definitely come in handy that night. Feeling like a movie star on the red carpet, I walked out of my room with a goofy smile on my face. I couldn’t help but think about all the things that I could do at the celebration. Dancing, mingling, showing off to the women, stuffing my face, and most importantly drinking. Those thoughts were suddenly interrupted when I heard mumbling coming from downstairs. I could only make a guess about what it was, which turned out right. Ron was rushing all around the house as if he had turned into a schizophrenic psycho. All he needed was a straitjacket and he could convince anyone of his insanity. But, I knew him better than that. When it came to situations like this, he was known for getting paranoid at the last second. I knew that he would be rushing out the door, so it would be good to get everything else taken care of before he barreled his way through the front door. Looking around the room, I made sure that I wasn’t forgetting anything. Of course, I had to maneuver around my roommate while he continued with his episode. The keys to the house, my wallet, my emergency handkerchief, and my breath mints; everything I needed was in my pants pockets. I also made sure that our two fancy-looking tickets were in the pocket lining the inside of my suit coat. They were a goldish yellow color with the ends wrapped in two purple and pink ribbons. I picked up the remote and turned off the TV along with most of the lights, and waited by the open door. Just as I predicted, Ron came rushing towards me and zoomed out the door. With that, I turned off the last light, closed the door and locked it behind me.

“Hurry! We’re gonna miss our portal!” I heard Ron shout.

Giving my watch a quick glance, I could see that his panic was very misplaced. “Ron, it’s not gonna disappear right as we get over there!” I shouted back.

“But what if we miss it?!”

“We’re not going to miss it!”

It was a good thing that the portal stations were made as an alternative to taking the train. Put in your preferred destination, and it would give you a time when it would open. There were only two problems with it though. First, the portals would only stay open for about seven seconds. If you missed your portal, then you missed your chance to go somewhere. However, that wasn’t the case since we had two minutes until our portal and the station was a thirty-second walk away from the house. The other problem, if you could call it one, was that they cost a crapton of bits. I suppose Ron and I were some the lucky ones since our pony tenants had paid for one without charging us extra to use it.

Remember how I said earlier that Ron was normally very panicky before these kinds of things? Well, it was starting to annoy me. He was pacing back and forth next to the portal while taking quick and wheezy breaths. Right about there was when I decided that enough was enough. I took Ron by the shoulder and slapped several times across his face. “Will! You! Pull! Yourself! Together!” I said with each slap. As if waking from a 20 year coma, Ron’s eyes shot open before instantly calming down.

He gave a heavy sigh and said, “Thank you. I needed that.”

“Any time, pal. And if you really want to get into the party, you might wanna take one of these.” I then reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the tickets. He took one out of my hand and I put the other one back in my pocket. Curiously giving the ticket a glance, Ron gave it a quick read.

"Dear Guest and Resident of Equestria, you are cordially invited to the 27th Birthday Celebration of Her Majesty Princess Twilight Sparkle. There will be entertainment, food and drink, and music. You will also get the chance to meet and talk with Princess Twilight herself as well as Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadence.. The event will be held at the Royal Palace in Canterlot at 7:00 p.m. sharp. Please dress formally for this momentous occasion. Gifts are encouraged but not required."

As soon as he finished, a goofy grin appeared on his face as he bounced on the tips of his toes. ‘There’s the Ron I know and love,’ I thought to myself. And just as this thought came to my mind, the portal lit up and a picture of Canterlot appeared. It was then that I realized I was a little nervous too. Taking a deep breath I said, “Well, no turning back now.”

“Be sure to turn your swag on.”

And with that, we stepped through the portal and the sounds of a bustling capital city were there to greet us.