The Adventures of Hoss Wild the Cowpony: Beginning

Hoss ran as fast as he could until he saw the sign “Welcome to Golden Delicious Acres.” Hoss though to himself, I hope I’m not too late. As he made the turn into the ranch, Hoss stopped at the sight of two covered wagons with ponies armed in guns, wearing bandanas, and bearing Bandoleers. Hoss’s heart stood still as he took cover behind a rock. Oh shit, there are so many. How am I going to do this… and what’s that wired image on their wagon? A cow skull was crudely painted on the side with the words “Fuegos de Tartarus,” or “fires of hell” beneath it.

Hoss carefully looked inside. Oh man, they have dynamite and kerosene, they’re going to burn this place just like my home! Hoss then remembered the pain of losing his family and thought, No… not today. They will not kill this family too, not if I can help it.

Hoss sneaked though the field until he got close enough to the barn where they had gathered the family. Okay I’ve got to think this through. It looks like there are…four… five… six… seven ponies. That wagon up ahead must have more kerosene and explosives. I could shoot that and cause a distraction… No that won’t work, it might hit the family.

The outlaws began to tie nooses and roughly ring them around the ponies’ necks. They grabbed the father and made him face his family. The mother was gagged and sobbing.

Two fillies began to cry, “Daddy, we love you… please don’t hurt our daddy.” One of the outlaws looked at the family and sneered, “Shut up, you should have paid your protection money.” He then turned back to his group and said “Hey guys, let’s do this quickly and get home, I need to get back to a sexy whore waiting for me at the hide out.”

Oh no, I’m running out of time. I… I’ve got to act. Hoss breathed and thought about his family. He jumped out from behind his cover and shot the wagon full of kerosene. A booming explosion sent metal and flaming wood flying out in all directions, killing three of the outlaws. Hoss laid back down in cover.

One of the outlaws yelled, “Holy shit, we’re under attack! Over by that rock, open fire!”

Pow Pow Pow Pow.

The bullets were deflected off of the rocks, causing Hoss’s adrenaline to kick in. He realized that he had just killed several ponies, ponies that deserved to die, and that… he liked the feeling. Hoss waited for the smoke of the wagon explosion to blow closer to him and engulf his surroundings. Finally the time came and he ran and took cover behind the barn. The outlaws ran as well, hiding behind bales of hay and barrels.

One of the outlaws called out to Hoss, “Whoever you are, you best give up! We are the fuego gang, the most deadly gang in the west. Surrender yourself now and we will let you go.”

Hoss shook his head. Wow, these guys are dumb to say that, how gullible do they think ponies are? Hoss cocked his gun and shot at a barrel, causing the grain inside to leak onto the ground.

The outlaw yelled, “Oh shit, you little bastard! Well cut your balls and shove them down your neck. Put down your gun you little shit.”

Hoss reloaded two rounds. He was trying to think what he should do. The wagon fire was causing a lot of black smoke he could use for cover, but the wind would blow in different directions. Hoss heard animals in the barn that were going crazy due to the noise. More shots whipped past Hoss. I could release the animals to cause a distraction… plus they would waste ammo on them… but how will I get over there? Hoss looked at the other wagon and saw TNT next to it. I’ve got it.

Hoss waited until they shot at him three more times. He then grabbed his lasso from his saddlebag, spun it around, and flung it next to the box. Damnit. A bullet hit a tree above him, causing a branch to come hurtling down and slice his face. Ah Damn… one more time. Hoss quickly readied his lasso and flung it again. The rope caught and tightened around the box.

Buck yeah. He pulled the crate close enough to get inside it. Bullets shot at the ground as he grabbed three sticks of dynamite. He ran back to the rock where he was hiding originally. At that moment, one of the outlaws hit the box of TNT, causing a large explosion.

“Oh dang, I got him!” cheered one of the outlaws as he stood up from his cover with his hooves in the air.

Hoss rolled out of cover and shot the outlaw in the neck, then quickly rolled back into cover. He smiled as he remembered his little brother and him playing cops and robbers. I never thought I’d be actually doing this stuff.

Blood gushed out of the outlaw’s neck as he flailed and tried to put pressure on the wound. The other outlaws laughed at his struggles as they hid behind cover. One of them shook his head and said, “Dumb piece of shit.”

The other outlaw shouted, “You may have gotten lucky with Kicks there, but he was a greenhorn in our gang, we are both veterans.”

Hoss lit and tossed the first stick of dynamite.

The outlaws eyes widened, “you little piece of….” BOOM!

Five down, one more to go. Hoss lit and threw the second stick. Sizzzzzzzzz. The outlaw dashed to another hiding spot just in time. BOOM.

Smoke and pieces of wood fell to the ground. The father of the family tried to calm down his fillies who were hysterically crying from the gruesome blood and dead ponies. The outlaw laughed, “HAHA, gotta do better than that you little piece of shit.”

Hoss grew nervous. Shit, oh shit, oh shit, how do I get this guy? He closed his eyes and shook his head, until… Bingo. Hoss lit and threw the last stick of dynamite at the outlaw. Again the outlaw ran to another location smiling as he did, but suddenly... Zip.

The outlaw fell to the ground; eyes wide open as a pool of warm blood began to collect on the ground next to him. Hoss was still aiming down the barrel of his smoking gun, not sure if the pony was still alive or not. He walked towards the body, his gun never turning from the figure on the ground. Hoss saw that he had shot the pony square in the temple. Hoss lowered his gun and ran to the family. He began to untie the fillies and the mother who all ran to embrace their father. Hoss smiled and gave them a moment before preparing to speak. Before he had a chance, the wife screamed, “AHHHHH!”

Hoss turned around and saw the last outlaw he had forgotten in the heat of battle.

Pow.

"Ugh." He blinked and looked down as saw a small red circle on his vest, growing larger and darker with each passing moment. He fell to the ground and looked up at the outlaw as he gasped for air.

He turned Hoss around to look at the family. The family began to cry once more as the outlaw grabbed the father and pulled him aside. The outlaw then pulled of his bandana to reveal a deep scar over his left eye.

He cocked his gun and put it against the father’s head. “You lose Mr. Hero.” Pow. Blood sprayed out the opposite side of the father’s head.

Hoss moaned weakly, “No…” The fillies cried and tried with all their might to hold onto their mother, but the pony with the scar pulled them apart. He forced the mother to kneel where the father had. "Don't Buck with us ever.. ever agian," said the pony with the scar. Pow. Blood splattered over the father’s body. The mother fell next to the father as the pony with the scar went back up to Hoss and pistol-whipped him in the head. As Hoss lost his grip on reality, he saw the pony with the scar light the house on fire run off. He vaguely saw the fillies run to the bodies of their dead parents. Then all went black.