Chapter 2: Third Person Limited
There was silence inside the library tree. Luna stared up at Twilight Sparkle, and waited for a response.
Twilight was blushing, and had she been capable of thought at the moment, would have noticed that she was blushing more profusely than she had ever blushed before in her entire life.
“I . . . I . . . .” Twilight stuttered briefly, and returned to silence.
Luna looked down at the floor, tears threatening to form in her eyes.
She looked up again and would later be willing to swear that she heard the gears in Twilight’s head realign themselves and begin turning again.
“I think I see where the issue is.”
Luna stood, blinking.
“You’re looking at this from the wrong perspective. You’ve been treating ‘I love Twilight Sparkle’ as a problem to be solved, but it isn’t. It’s a fact, a data point.”
Twilight turned and trotted out of her sitting room and into the library proper, motioning behind for Luna to follow.
“You know, I was lecturing at the schoolhouse for Career Day recently, and a rather bright young filly asked me a question. She wanted to know the difference between Science and Engineering. I told her that a scientist uncovers facts, and that an engineer uses facts. Which is not to say that you can’t be both, of course.”
Twilight and Luna had reached the main room by this point. The latter kept her silence with a small look of confusion on her face; Twilight was shifting the furniture around.
“You have acquired a fact: now it’s time for you to do something with it.”
Twilight had moved the table and wooden bust of Bucephalus from the room and telekinetically replaced it with a chalkboard.
“So. You are in love with Twilight Sparkle.” She wrote this at the top of the board. “I said before that you were looking at this the wrong way, as a problem to be solved, and it isn’t. You need to be thinking in terms of goals or objectives. Knowing this fact to be true, that you are in love with Twilight Sparkle, what goal do you want to realize? Basically, what do you want to happen?”
Luna gaped at the unicorn. “We, I’m not really sure what . . . .”
“Well, I could throw out some suggestions. Do you want to have a secret affair with her so that nopony ever knows of your love? Maybe you want to make her your Royal Concubine and keep her locked away in your Lunar hareem?”
“What! She would never stand for that,” Luna spluttered, “We would never subject her to such indignity!”
Twilight had a tiny smile on her face. “Perhaps then a modern relationship between equals? With maybe a wedding and foals in the future?”
Luna lost her rage and spoke bashfully. “We, yes. That sounds like exactly what I want.”
“Well then! You have an objective now, ‘Form a romantic relationship with Twilight Sparkle.’” Twilight wrote the objective on the chalkboard and underlined it so they would not forget.
“But how do We do that? We have been locked away for a thousand years, and even before that thought little on the subject.”
Twilight smiled reassuringly at the Princess. “In the modern vernacular, we call the process ‘dating.’ It’s dissimilar from ‘courting,’ which you may remember from years ago, in that it rarely involves business deals or anypony’s parents.”
Luna stood, then, gathering her regal poise about her once more. “Teach Us then, of this ‘dating,’ that I may woo the fair maiden Twilight Sparkle!”
Twilight’s smile widened, and she began to do what she did best.
The two mares stepped out onto the library’s front step, leaving a chalkboard full of facts and diagrams behind them.
“So, remember the basics: don’t just tell her, but show her how you feel about her; make sure she knows that you care about her thoughts and feelings; and make the time to be together, no matter how busy either of you are. Just keep these in mind and you’re sure to do well.”
“Yes!” Luna’s posture radiated both happiness and determination. “I can do this! I will show Twilight how I feel!”
“That’s right Princess! You can do it! Now go, find Twilight Sparkle, tell her that you like her and ask her out on a date!”
“I shall!” Luna stepped into the road, unfurling her vast and ebon wings, and took to the dusky sky intent on reaching –
“Hold a moment.”
Twilight raised a hoof to her muzzle and giggled.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Unfortunately this is not a Friendship Report proper, as I have yet to learn a full lesson on friendship since my last missive. I do have some thoughts on the matter, so I hope you don’t mind my discussing them with you.
Yesterday, your sister Luna came to visit me and ask my advice about something. I believe I was able to help, and I’m happy to report that I think she has an excellent chance of success now!
The point, however, was that during our discussion, I pulled out a chalkboard so that we could write up a list (stop snickering Princess, lists are very helpful!) and that made me think about Pinkie Pie. Pinkie has the incredible ability to pull seemingly any object required for her wacky antics out of thin air, with no discernable preparation. If she requires a ball, or a triangle, or an armoire for her visual gag, she simply has one.
In contrast, in order to ensure that I have chalkboards available for my explanations, I had to actually go out and buy several boards, and chalk, and erasers, and hide them strategically throughout Ponyville. Not only that, but I also have to check them every week or so to make sure that they have not been moved or damaged, and to replace used chalk. Obviously it’s worth the effort, or I wouldn’t do it, but still.
So, I found myself briefly feeling jealous of Pinkie Pie. I thought back to my investigations of her premonitory senses, however, and realized that being jealous of Pinkie was like being jealous of the ocean; she is a grand force, vast and implacable, and I could no more be like her than I could lift a mountain, or breathe on the sun. I must simply accept that she is, and find joy in her friendship.
And then I thought: Wait. What if that wasn’t just an amusing metaphor? What if she really is a vast cosmic force? A shard of primordial chaos from beyond the Celestial Spheres, ensconced in neon pink flesh? She is, after all, possessed of amazing and ridiculous powers, and it is only her true and unending love for ponykind that prevents her antics from becoming dangerous (like another being of chaos I will not name here).
So, that’s where I’ve become stuck. It’s not much of a hypothesis, since I have no feasible way to test it. I did think of one method that might work, but since I have no way of reassembling Pinkie Pie afterwards, I had to reject it.
Also, don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten rule 18: Never perform a science experiment on anypony without their express permission. That was an extremely embarrassing three days and I have no wish to repeat the experience.
I’ve just gone back to proofread my letter and find I must apologize for being somewhat ‘rambly’. I’ve been in a really good mood since yesterday and that always seems to affect my writing that way. Regardless, I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts, Princess. Until then, I remain as always,
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
Author's Note
So, there it is. My first fanfic ever. Brainstormed one evening and written in about four hours the next day. Also, done entirely without editors or prereaders. So, if you spot a typo or an error, please let me know so I can correct it and then blame it on space aliens.
Twilight Sparkle, I need thy help.
‘Tis not an uncommon occurrence, it seems; twice before thou hast delivered Us from Our woe and peril.
Once, We fell to envy. I armored myself in my own Nightmare, and savaged the world. In Our pain and madness, We believed Our actions just! Can thee imagine it, Twilight Sparkle? We thought ourselves in the right, as We brought pain and darkness to Equestria.
Our life, Our mind, even Our beloved Sister was nearly lost to us, but for thee, Twilight Sparkle.
We set out, then, clad in the joy that thou gifted Us. Thou gave Us everything, Our very life: and We found We did not know what to do with it.
For greater than a Solar year We searched for an answer, and We hung Our royal head in failure.
For a second time, We almost fell, this time to loneliness and despair.
I was on the cusp of my new Nightmare; and then, thou found Us weeping, Twilight Sparkle. And thou reached out thy hoof, and thou looked in Our eyes, and thou Saved Us, Twilight.
Thou showed Us the joy of Laughter, the value of an Honest truth; thou showed Us without end Generosity and Loyalty and Kindness. And for that glorious night, when I was with you: it was Magic.
And now We have come to you again, Twilight Sparkle. For all Our vast power and experience, We are lost.
I have fallen in love with you, Twilight. And I do not know what to do about it.
Our hooves have sundered mountains and boiled seas. But now We are on our knees before thee, Twilight Sparkle.
Please. Save Us again.
Tell me what to do.
