"Who the hell came up with such a punishment? They deserve to be slapped with a two-by-four!" I scream out loud. "Ah reckon it can't be all that bad." An orange mare with a strong country accent states. "Covered in nails." I respond. "Sugarcube, ah think ya might be takin this a lil too personally. Besides, it's just a lil ol' dare. Jus gon on and get it over with"
"But I don't wanna!" I replied
"Now you're just overreacting" She argues.
"You can't make me" I stated running to the nearest corner barricading myself behind a table and some chairs.
She gave me a long, dead look. "...Seriously"
And I just stared back...
"..." She looks at me.
"..." I look at her.
"..?" She looks to my left.
"..!" I flinch in sudden realization on what was to soon befall upon me.
30 seconds later....
"Dammit let me go! I'll do what you want! Buck the trees for you? Yeah. No? Or maybe I can plow the fields? Ooh! I can even plow the fields AND buck the trees! I'll even take over Apple Bucking Season and you can rela-"
"Eeenope." She wasn't having any of it. She just merely dragged me from Sugarcube Corner, hogtied (which I found rather kinky and a bit of a turn-on on my end), down the streets of Ponyville. We even had a few stares from the other ponies as my dignity was slowly dragged from the inner-depths of my being to the dirt that was giving my balls a bad case of carpet burn. Might as well parade me down the streets for entertainment value. The bands could even play a song or two while the foreskin of my balls are scrubbed clean (ironically). In speaking of songs...
"Oh I know what I can do! I'll raise a barn in your honor.
Raise this barn, raise this barn, 1, 2, 3, 4.
In your name I'll raise this barn, 1, 2, 3-"
"NO!" She practically screamed at me. "You made a Pinkie promise that if you lost a race to Rainbow Dash, you would perform a dare for her and it would be anything she wanted. And you lost, so that means you gotta put your bits where your mouth is."
Never again will I EVER race that damn-near-anorexic bag of skittles. We had a wager between us. If I had won, She would finally come out to her friends and tell them that she was a lesbian, who would get a stallion (or two) for a cover up. I would've enjoyed it being the fact that she was so eager to come out to them and wanted to pursue a relationship with one them. I don't know which one but hey, what does it matter? The only thing that stopped her is a traumatizing past in which she was made fun of for being a filly-fooler in Flight Camp. It got really bad after a while. She even started skipping her flight lessons in order to hang out with a griffon named Gilda. She told me that she and Gilda never took things that far because of their friendship, but she couldn't fool me. I even saw them making out behind the dorms late one night. But I digress. She was made fun of, taunted, bullied, and even threatened if she show up in Cloudsdale again, that she would get "corrected". And I've got a pretty good idea on what those assholes meant by that. So since she moved here, she kept "dating" these random stallions in hopes to elude any nay-sayers. She's even hidden it from the girls, her best friends who practically curbstomped Nightmare Moon, defeated Discord (and I still have nightmares of a creepy looking filly with a red mane, pink bow, yellow coat and glowing orange eyes that screamed murder), edged off a changeling invasion (changling queen. 10/10 would hit), and helped defeat a king who had enslaved an entire empire to the North of here, together. You would think she would at least open up to them about this, but she was afraid that they would act the same as the others. I tried telling her that it was not an issue, that they would accept her for who she was, that they wouldn't be judgmental. Thus we made a wager. And boy do I regret it.
I didn't think of all the times she showed up for classes, mainly because she wasn't even there. She just showed up for her final, edged a C minus due to her lack of attendance and passed as a decent flier. If she would've stayed in class, she'd be a Wonderbolt by now, or at least from what I saw when I raced her. Do I even need to say what happened? She pulled off a sonic rainboom and left me at the starting line and before I could even finish halfway, she was already at the finish line. So now I'm here, hogtied and dragged through the streets of Ponyville by one of her best friends. Did I mention how badly my balls are burning? Well lets just say I think that I now have a rock caught in my urethra. Yeah, that bad.
"Alright! We're here." Applejack said with the rope still in her mouth.
I look around and noticed the walkway was completely made of gravel. Never in my life have I been so afraid to look at my own stallionhood in fear and trembling at the possible result of how mangled it could be from here on out. guess there will be no late night fun for me tonight. I've always done bad by myself up till recently when I caught a glimpse of the town librarian. Since then, she's been on my mind. A lot. More than any other mare I can safely say.
"Oh there you are darling. We've been waiting for you all day." A wild fashionista appears...
Dear Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Allah, God, whatever or whoever is in charge up there please make this stop before it even has to begin. I can't stand the suspense. I'm untied and finally feeling a relief in all of my joints. Now where is that burn cream? I know there are certain things you shouldn't rub down there but I am willing to even go with plain alcohol to cleanse the boys from the abuse they've recently endured. Those soldiers need a bit of a distraction. A fire is going on and I'd probably need to start another one larger than that. Kills the oxygen, snuffs the flame. While I was thinking about how to keep my boys in active duty, I felt a whirlwind of mascara, silk, lipstick and perfume hit me in a moment's notice and before I could look down, a certain rainbow-maned pegasus laughed her ass off rolling in the dirt. As she did I thought to myself: 'My balls were rubbed all over that spot. So in essence, you're rubbing your mane all over my ball sack. Eat it up you sick freak.'
At this moment, nothing could get Rainbow Dash to stop laughing. Hard mode? Rarity is actually trying to make this French Haute Coiture Ensemble look good on me. And Applejack's sides have officially left orbit as she fell to the ground in tears. It is in this moment that I am envisioning a red, red world full of decapitated bunnies, severed limbs and-
"Dear Celestia! Girls, this is not funny!" A young mare states outwardly. It was her, the librarian I've wanted to talk to for so long. Geeky yet adorable. Spunky yet innocent. Naïve yet knowledgeable. Something in my being always seems to set me at full attention when she is around. My heart races as she walks closer. She smells of a lavender spring after a light rain. She shows that sometimes beauty is not completely reliant on artificial substance, but rather by natural occurence. She was simple, plain, nerdy and at times optimistic. Which is why I pine for her and her alone. Student of the Sun and Moon. Envoy of the stars. A gift from the heaven themselves. Twilight Sparkle.
"Hey, Alexander..." She questions.
"Yes?" I responded.
"What ARE you wearing" She says holding back a giggle.
Suddenly remembering that I was wearing a dress, I chuckled and stated. "I'd thought you'd never ask."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FOOTNOTE: As for the name "Alexander" this relates to a headcanon I developed from season 1. Alexander is his real name but EVERYPONY has a full name. The names themselves have individual meanings (i.e: Tricia means "of noble descent" and Casey means "she who entangles men"). So bonus points if you can find out what each name means (with the exception of last, Pinkie's and Applejack's names). Names will go as followed:
Pinkamena Diane Pie=Pinkie Pie (duh)
Jaqueline Samantha Apple=Applejack
Raquella Belladonna Stoudemire=Rarity
Dacey Ricarda Merriweather=Rainbow Dash (hard mode)
Filomena Silvana Abelie=Fluttershy (Hnnng...)
Tricia Casey Armstrong=Twilight Sparkle.
Also a prelude will be written to explain who the main character is and his history with Rainbow Dash.
Author's Note
My first fan-fiction. *squee* Please let me know what you think. I kinda wanted to get the ball rolling with a few laughs. Also giving a bit of back-story to one of the characters.
