Looking Backby zdashChaptersSaying GoodbyeNever forgetMove onNothing easyChoosing differentNever regretCome backSaying GoodbyePrincess Celestia, I attended Rarity's funeral today. Thank you for making it so beautiful, as you did with each of my friends. She would have loved it. The beautiful crystal casket, the diamond headstone. She touched so many lives with her generosity, I never even knew. The orphan's shelter she helped stay open with donations, those that she gave outfits to when they couldn't afford something for their wedding day. Sometimes I wonder if she ever actually sold a dress. So many ponies attended to see her laid to rest. Truly she was a wonderful friend, and one I will always cherish. They all were. You know the last thing she said to me? She took my hoof, and she looked into my eyes, and she said, "Twilight, darling. These past years have been the best anypony could ever have hoped for. You have been a gem, dazzling me every day and filling my life with wonder. Please, don't let that wonder leave you." That's all she said, and her eyes glassed over, a smile frozen on her face and a single tear rolling down her cheek. It hurt so badly to watch her pass like that, even though I knew she was happy. I can only imagine how Spike is handling it. He flew off after that, and I have only seen him at the funeral since. He'll come back, but I think he needs to be alone. I think I need to be alone. Rarity was my last friend other than Spike, and he and I have grown apart recently as he has gotten older. He spends more and more time with other dragons, collecting gems and sleeping. Watching each of them pass was hard. Applejack, with such a rough life bucking apple, wore herself down so young. It's been nearly twenty years since she passed. I still see her smile sometimes when I close my eyes, and I can remember that first day we met. She had said, after only knowing me for minutes, that I was practically a part of the family. And the way that, just by looking into her eyes, I knew I could trust whatever she told me. When she passed, it was so sudden. With Rainbow Dash in Cloudsdale and Rarity having moved to Canterlot for her fashion career, we barely had any notice that she was passing. All of us hurried as quickly as we could, but she had left this world before we arrived. Her funeral was modest, exactly how she would have wanted it. I never realized how large her family was until they had all stood around her to say good bye. They have an amazing tradition, the Apples. Each of them plants their very first tree, marks it, and cares for it until they die. Then, the tree is chopped down and made into their casket. I want to thank you for what you did back then. Such a perfect preservation spell, I imagine that this world will pass before time wears on the casket or her body in any way. And then, to mark her grave, they planted a baby Appletree. Next we lost Fluttershy. She cared so much for animals, she couldn't stand to see them suffer. In the end, it's what would take her from me. I told her that the bear was dangerous, but she had dealt with so many, and she couldn't just leave him be. It only took one swipe from his massive paw, and her aged and fragile body couldn't take it. I took her to the hospital, and she held on until Rarity, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash arrived. She looked so sad, in so much pain. But she looked at each of us, and told us that she loved us. We watched as she slipped into a deep sleep that she never woke up from. Her funeral was probably the most unusual. I don't think she had any family, or at least none that was close to her. It was only the four of us, you, Discord and her animals. The pain I saw on Discord's face, I still can't believe how much he cared. It surprised me, I don't think I ever full trusted him until I saw how much he hurt. While the animals making her a simple casket was an amazing show of how much her kindness touched others, the tombstone Discord made for her was incredible. I had thought his magic could only create chaos, but that tombstone was amazing. A bush which spelled out her name, and the words "Never a kinder pony in all of history," the words written in berries which would replenish themselves forever. I think Discord wanted Fluttershy to be able to care for her animals forever, and what an amazing way to show it. Pinkie pie's passing was the most shocking. Looking back, we should have paid more attention. I should have been a better friend. Losing Applejack and Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow and I moving away and the slow decline of Ponyville left her nearly alone. She took her life. It hurt so much to have failed a friend so terribly. I still remember the letter she left us. "I miss my friends so much. I just want to be back with them. I just don't want to be alone anymore." Rainbow Dash found her in her room, laying in her bed as if she were asleep. I think her passing hurts the most. To know that if I had only been there for her, she might still be here. I blame myself everyday. We tried to throw a party for her funeral. I think she would have liked it. The cakes came back and made her a cake. All of Ponyville came to say good by. It was such a disaster. None of us felt like partying obviously, and it didn't seem right with how Pinkie had passed. Rainbow stayed at her tombstone for days, never leaving. I think there was more there, but it's to late to ever find out. Thank you again, for the balloons you placed on her tombstone. Never deflating, never popping. And those three words, "Never quit smiling." Rainbow passed not long after. The doctors at Cloudsdale general mercy said it was natural causes, and at her age, it wouldn't surprise me. But I saw her eyes as she lay there, slipping away minute by minute. A broken heart, regret. That's what I saw. I don't think she ever recovered from Pinkie's death. The Wonderbolts flew over her funeral, and made her a post-mortem member. The way her tombstone slide from one color to the next, it felt right at home with each of her friends in that cemetery outside of what's left of Ponyville. And now Rarity's joins them. Applejack's now fully grown apple tree, the bush still full of fresh fruit for Fluttershy's animals, Pinkie Pie's balloons, Rainbow Dash's changing tombstone, and now her diamond marker. I sat outside, staring at each of them for days. I can't believe they're gone. Why did you choose me? I loved being your student, and I love working with you everyday, but I miss my friends more than anything in the world. And I will never get to see them again. It hurts everyday. I just want to tell Rarity how happy she made me. I want to tell Applejack how much I cherished her. I want to race Rainbow dash again. I want to have tea with Fluttershy. And... I want to tell Pinkie Pie she isn't alone. You once told me that there was more to a young mare's life than studying. You once told me to make some friends. But why? All it did was show me a love, fill my heart with love and grow my heart so much, that when it was taken from me, I would have a hole so empty that I wish I could die. Why should I live forever as I watch each and everypony of my friends die. And, I know that Spike will die one day as well. He's like a little brother to me, and I will have to watch him pass. Just like Shining Armor. Just like my mother and father. Just like everypony I care about. How can you live like this? Yours, Twilight Sparkle Author's Note Let me know what you guys think. This isn't the end, there are going to be a lot of exchanges between the "immortals" of Equestria. This is my first one, so criticism is welcome, it's how we get better after all. Edit: I made a few minor changes, nothing that requires rereading, mostly gramatical and the like. Never forgetTwilight, I am truly sorry for the pain you have endured over these several years. Perhaps I have been too wrapped up in my duties to notice how hard this has been on you. You must know that you may speak with me any time you wish, I will always be here to listen. We all know the pain that you are feeling now. Luna, Candace, Discord and I. Especially Discord. It has been a long time since I became attached to anypony other than Luna. Except you. Early in Equestria's history, after Luna and I had established our rule, I met a young Stallion. A Pegasus, he was deep blue, his eyes bright yellow, and they often reminded me of my sun. He was smart, brave and adventurous, and he quickly rose to the highest rank of my guard. We bonded quickly, as he would tell me stories of his exploration of Equestria's borders. Wonderful tales that made me resent royal duties in favor of more exciting travels. I did not realize it at first, but he had become taken with me. I do not remember any longer if I had felt so inclined toward him, but I told him that it could not be. Because I would live for much longer than he, I felt I needed to protect myself from him. He begged for weeks, asking me every night for a single chance. It hurt our friendship dearly, as we could not talk about anything without his asking. Finally, I gave him one. I created a test, a single question. I told him that, should he ever figure out the answer, we would court. I am ashamed of what I did, however. I knew that the question had no answer, or rather, that he could never find out the answer. I asked him to find out what had happened to Starswirl the Bearded. I knew that he had been transformed by that same spell you finished all those years ago, but I kept the book hidden, and there was no trace of Starswirl elsewhere. It took some of the strain out of our friendship. For many years, we talked about his adventures, enjoyed breakfast nearly everyday that he was in Canterlot together. I did enjoy them so much, and perhaps I did care for him, but I feared as much for his safety as my feelings. This was early in the consolidation of the Canterlot court, and many of the nobles were searching for a way to harm me. Since I was so powerful, protected by the Elements of Harmony and Luna, they could do nothing to me. But I knew that they would try to hurt him. I was selfish. I didn't want to be hurt, no matter how hard I try to say it was because I didn't want him hurt. On the anniversary of my giving him the question the next year, he asked for a private audience. I feared truly that he had figured out the answer somehow. I remember the conversation perfectly, because I have never been able to forgive myself for what I did that night. "Princess, I must ask you something." His eyes stared straight into mine, pain held back by what I won't ever know. "Is it possible to find the answer?" It was worse than I could have imagined. Had he found the answer, I suppose we could have courted for a while and I could have ended it, but this was an impossible situation. "Please, princess. I only want the truth." I should have told it to him right then and there, but I was still young, still naive. I feared he would be devastated, or that he would begin begging me again. I lied to him. "Yes, it is indeed possible to find the answer. And I believe in you. I believe that you can do it." I don't think he believed me, but he didn't say anything more, and left the room, and me, in silence. He continued searching for the answer, every few months making a half-hearted joke that he would find it. After 7 years, I was amazed at his persistence, and started to believe it was a joke. Until I found him one night, seated in the garden, speaking to Discord's statue. I had never considered the possibility that he would speak to Discord, but it was only a few generations before that Luna and I had defeated him, and his memory was still fresh in both the minds of the ponies and the scars he created in the land. Discord never told me what he said to the Stallion. And I never told the Stallion that I saw him talking. The next morning, I had convinced myself to tell him the truth. I waited for him at our usual spot, but he never showed. He did not report for duty that day. Or the next. Or ever again. After three days, I realized something terrible had happened. I went to his quarters in the barracks. It was clear he had left in a hurry, the room was had drawers flung to the floor, and a small, half-eaten meal sat rotting on the table. I found a note on the table, with only 5 words on it. "I will find the answer." I panicked at that note. I hide in my room that night, flipping through every book Starswirl had ever written, every journal. The next morning, I went down to Discord's statue, begging him to tell me what he had said. Discord remained silent. He never spoke to me the entire time he was set in stone, though apparently he spoke to others from time to time. Even now, he won't tell me what he said. He only looks away with a shamed look on his face. A week and three days passed, and a there was a knock at my door. It was one of my advisers. He told me that one of the guards on patrol near the Everfree forest found him, wounded and dying. Though my adviser did not know this, he had died before I was ever told. I went to the military hospital he was kept at, but there was nothing that could be done. His funeral was the first of a guard that had passed on duty, or rather, that of a guard who had been believed to be on duty. I told everypony he had been performing a secret task for me. His funeral began a tradition that is kept even to this day. It was beautiful. It was a late Autumn morning, the leaves nearly finished turning, but it was before the running of the leaves. He always loved the morning, and so I stopped the sun only a little after dawn, so that his funeral would be completely during the morning. His casket was a golden one, his family crest emblazoned upon it. I think about how beautiful his funeral was everyday, and the guilt I feel for the responsibility I have in his death. After his funeral, his mother spoke to me. I remember it like it was only hours ago, instead of over a thousand years. She was very elderly, and I believe she passed not long after that. She had a curly green mane, a very pale orange coat and a cutie mark of a house. She hoofed a small packet of paper to me. "He wanted you to have this." It was several pieces of parchment folded together with my name on it. She turned to leave, and then looked back at me for a second. "I hope whatever you sent him on was worth it." Those last words cut deep into me. I knew it hadn't been. The parchment was a collection of letters, telling me why he loved me, how he would never give up. They were truly beautiful, and I mourn some much harder at reading them. I will spare you the details, but there is one thing I thought you should see, and it is the reason that I wrote this too you. Princess, I know you did not believe I could find an answer. I suspect you even tried to make it impossible. But I also know that, if that is the case, you will not refuse me when I find the answer. Otherwise, why would you not simply tell me no and send me away? I know now where Starswirl's home is, and I am going there tomorrow morning. I wrote this, in case I failed. I wanted... I need you to know that I loved only you, until the end. Twilight, he spent almost 9 years trying simply to court me. And I refused. I mistreated him in a way that can never be forgiven. He died searching for something that I had set him to searching for. I suspect that, if he had never discovered Starswirl's home, he would have spent his entry life trying to find the answer. I took his life from him. If I had been braver, or stronger, I could have told him no to his face, and saved his life. And if I could have been stronger still, I could have told him I loved him. We all have regrets Twilight, and we all know in some way the pain you are feeling now. There is a reason I will never allow myself to be courted. For many years, I feel into despair after what happened, and it was a dark time in Equestria's history. We have a responsibility as princesses to do what is best for our subjects, no matter how hard it is. Every day I regret what I did to him. You asked how I can live like this. I live by remembering what I did to him. I live by remembering that I must do my best, to live up to the princess that he loved. And I live because I can never let myself live easy after what I did. But you loved your friends. You loved them and never betrayed them. I can understand why you blame yourself for Pinkie Pie's death, but it wasn't your fault. You could never have known how much she was struggling. Twilight, do not let this eat at you. Do not let this pain taking you from the world. Your subjects need you, and we are here to help you through this. You are not alone, Twilight Sparkle. With love, Celestia. Move onTwilight, She couldn't love anyone. Even as the element of generosity, she just couldn't do it, and I think that's because she gave so much of herself, there wasn't anything left to give. After she moved to Canterlot, I visited her as often your schedule would allow. She kept an entire orphanage open with the money she saved from her business. It almost bankrupted her, with how much money she gave. And that wasn't enough. She made outfits for anypony who couldn't afford one. I remember one in particular, I had just come into the shop. "Darling, don't worry about it. It wouldn't help anypony for you not to have a nice outfit for your wedding. Of course, I'll have a dress made up for her as well." She looked exhausted, bags thick under her eyes and her ears sagged. Her mane was a mess. "I-I couldn't ask that of you. I can't afford anything so wonderful, a simply patch up of my old suit is fine." The young pegasus was clearly uncomfortable taking a gift like that from her, and yet Rarity would never have accepted anything like it. "Dear, please. I'm sure that suit was a gem when it was first made, but I doubt any designer in Equestria could repair it." It was true, the suit had been extremely tattered. Still, I think she just said that to help the stallion save face. "Besides, I don't think I could rest knowing that a mare as lovely as Mila was going with anything less than the best on her wedding day. I'll have it all ready by Monday." "Mon-n-nday? But, it's Friday already! How would you make it in such a short time?" It had clearly been his first time visiting her, or he would have known better. "I will have it done. Now please, do hold still, I need to measure your chest." He snapped to attention. At that point, I spoke up "Rarity, I came by to help, if you need any..." "Oh yes, do come in Spike. I was just finishing the measurements for this handsome stallion, and I could use your help preparing the ponikin. If you would go up to the antechamber and retrieve one, I would be ever-so grateful." As I headed up the stairs, I could still hear her speaking to him. "Now, how much did you say you could pay for the repairs?" "Oh, yes... I have about 20 bits. I know it isn't much, but I don't have much, I certainly can't pay for a whole new suit and dress." "Shush. You will pay me 10 bits, and return on Monday. Also, send Mila here sometime this afternoon so I can get her measurements and work through what style of dress she would like. Oh, it will be just beautiful." She had that dress done by Sunday morning. It's like she lived off of being generous to other ponies. And I think that hard work wore on her. That was only a few weeks before... She did things like that so often, I don't understand how she kept her doors open. Maybe she charged a lot to her paying customers. I know the materials alone for that suit were over 600 bits, because I picked them up for her. When Mila came in to pick up the dress, it was hilarious how hard she tried to get Rarity to let her pay. "Oh Rarity, I can't accept this for free, it must have cost you a fortune, I wouldn't feel right." "Nonsense dear, consider it a wedding gift from me to you. Besides, I don't imagine I'll be keeping this boutique open much longer, I am getting on in years." I think that was the first time her aging really dawned on me. She was going to die, and I wouldn't. "Well, you don't look it. Honestly, most of us thought you were not much older that we are." I think she was being honest, especially with how well Rarity kept up her appearance. Even on that last day, she wanted to look her best... "But of course, I said I was getting on in years, not in beauty." She winked at the young mare before levitating a beautiful silk a-line wedding gown to her. "It really is incredible. How did you make it so quickly?" "Oh... It was no trouble at all." "Well, thank you. And, if you would please, I would love it if you could come to the wedding." She took me with her to that wedding, by the way. Said it was unseemly for a lady to go without a date to such an occasion. Twilight, I wondered for weeks about how she managed to stitch that dress in a weekend. I knew she was good, and with magic, maybe that good. But a brand new dress, a brand new suit, in one weekend? By hoof? I asked her about it the first day, but she told me it wasn't important at first. "A lady never reveals tricks of the trade. Not even to her most prized assistant." Rather than the usually tone of flattery, however, she seemed uneasy, sad almost. "Rarity, what's wrong?" She started to stare out the window after the mare as she left "Huh? Oh, nothing dear, just watching a dream come true." I'm positive I saw a tear roll down her cheek. I finally got her to tell me about the dress. Twilight, it was HER dress. The dress she planned to wear at the wedding she'd planned to have. She realized, I don't know when, but she realized that she would never marry, never have fillies of her own. She told me that it was because she never took the time to be courted, and I know she had plenty who tried. I really think she just couldn't love like that for anypony, because she gave to much of herself away already. I loved her Twilight, and I will always love her. Every time I think about her, I start to tear up, and I remember my birthday all those years ago, when we were falling and about to die, and she stopped me from telling her. I remember so many things about her, and it hurts, it hurts that every time I close my eyes, I see her last few minutes. Every time I close my eyes, I see her spirit slip away to wherever the mortal go when they die. It's time to let go. Having me there isn't going to help, you or me. All it will do is remind us of what we lost. I found a new home, with other dragons. They don't trust me very much, but it's nice to live somewhere where I don't get stares walking around. I feel at home here. You're like a big sister to me, I'll always love you, but at least for now, I need to be away from there... Away from her. Love, Spike Author's Note Sorry this took so long, midterms were harder than I had expected. Nothing easyDiscord, We don't speak much. I know that's obvious, but I thought... I know how much you must have hurt after Fluttershy passed. I wanted to thank you for what you did for her. It was absolutely beautiful, and it warms my heart every time I go to their graves. What a wonderful gift, to help her carry on what was in a way her very life's goal. I think that was the first time I realized you were really good now. How did you get past her death? I feel everyday like the pain is going to drown me. She died doing what she loved, but it seems so unfair that she would be killed by the animals that she so loved. How do you do it, keep moving forward? Every day, I think about them. I look at Luna's stars at night, losing track of my studies and wondering if maybe they're up there somewhere, watching over me. I find my mind wandering back to each of their funerals everyday during court, until tears start to form in the corner of my eyes and I have to excuse myself. I can't do my duties, and all I feel is sadness, no matter what I do. With Spike not returning, I can hardly breath. With him, I lost the last part of family, and my last friend. I can't even make myself leave my chambers for meals any longer. I... I don't know what to do. Losing Fluttershy, your first true friend, I thought maybe you might understand what I'm feeling. Celestia will always have Luna, so there's no way she could truly understand this. I thought, maybe you might know... You seem so calm, like you've moved past it. I also need to know something else. I doubt you know much about Pinkie Pie's death, I asked Celestia to keep it from everypony, to keep that from being the last thing anypony knew about her. She killed herself, because we left her behind. She couldn't handle the emptiness of Ponyville and her friends passing or leaving. I just feel so responsible for it. Celestia told me about something which happened early in her time as ruler, before Nightmare Moon. There was a young stallion, one who wanted to court her, but she played his heart. And she challenged him to search for the fate of Star swirl the Bearded, and that he eventually came to you. She saw him sit and speak with you, and knows that you told him where Star swirl's home was. That's where he died. You sent him to his death. I know at the time, it probably meant nothing to you... but how did you get past leading him to his death? I have to know, because, maybe it can help. I am truly sorry for bringing these painful things up, but I have to know. Twilight. Author's Note Sorry it's taken me so long to write these. I have some big papers coming up, so I've been working on them. I promise Discord's letter will be much longer! Choosing differentTwilight, I suppose you meant nothing by your letter, but surly you can see how it would offend. How could I have moved past it so easily? I never moved past it. I spend every day wishing Fluttershy were one of us. I frequently find myself reflecting on her death, writing her name in the swirls of the water and in the glass of store shops. After the funeral, I went and found the bear. I wanted so badly to turn him into a fish and serve him to a seagull. But that wouldn't have been what Fluttershy would have wanted. So I put him to sleep, and mended a bone in his leg that had healed improperly when it broke. It's likely what had lead him to do what he did to her. I understand also why you would ask about that stallion. I remember it well, he spoke to me more than once, but I suspect you are asking about the last time he did. I told him the truth. I wanted to create chaos in Celestia's court, and I did. It was rather enjoyable, even if I'm not supposed to enjoy evil anymore. But I do feel remorse for his passing, and I do know that it was my fault. I told him where Startswirl's old hovel was, deep in the Everfree forest. I wanted him to find the answer, and bring it back to Celestia. I didn't want him to die, that wasn't my plan at all. He spoke to me every morning, and while it was often boring, it was better than the silence I often was treated to before and after him. But I also know that it wasn't me that sent him into that forest. That no matter what I had done, he would have found the location eventually, and there was nothing I could do to prevent that. And that is something you must learn. What happened to Pinkie Pie was tragic. Truly, I miss the random insanity she brought into her own corner of the world. I would often watch her to see what she would do. But along with that came something that would never let her telling herself that none of you really loved her. That's who she was, a pain hidden deep down behind her laughter. But she knows better now, I suppose. And she wouldn't want you to pain in the way that you do. You should know something else. Better than any of us, you know what friendship is. Can you actually say that everything that you went through, all the pain of losing your friends, wasn't worth the memories, the good times? I should hope not. I would never trade my friendship with Fluttershy simply to end the pain I feel from her absence. That is more chaos than even I can bear. I doubt this will help much, but maybe you should look into an old ponies' tale that's almost as old as Princess Celestia. It might help. The Blackhoof heart. Yours for eternity, Discord. Never regretMy dearest Twilight, I've never gotten past Fluttershy's death. Quite the contrary, I feel a deep, empty sorrow every day. You and the others may have been reluctant friends with me, but Fluttershy wanted to be my friend. I haven't had much to lose since my time on Equestria began. But I've certainly lost what little I did have when Fluttershy passed. It seem... wrong, somehow. In a way, I always though death was some kind of cosmic joke played on Harmony. After all, what's a bigger change than death? But I can't say that makes Fluttershy dying any more simple. We don't forget or get past losing somepony. We carry them with us, the sorrow of knowing them, for as long as we live. So you can imagine how much Celestia and Luna carry on their backs, having had so had such an early start on eternity over you. But also, joy. Yes, we carry joy on our backs as well, the joy of having known somepony so special to us. I can't possibly fathom why you would ask me for help with something like this. I've no experience dealing with loss... Well, besides the losses I've caused for others. I'm not of much help, and believe me, I'm not much better off than you are. Why do you think Equestria has been wracked with such intolerable peacefulness for so long? A drab, dull, grey boredom that seems to stagnate everypony's lives. I just don't feel up to my usual fun anymore. As to the other pony, no, I don't feel any regret at what happened to him, but he might be the closest thing to a friend I had back then. We spoke rather frequently before the time you mentioned. He was... well, just tap your horn to the page, and I'll show you. The court yard of the Celestial palace spreads out into a garden of statues. A sweet, crisp sunshine is rising over the east. There, resting near a bush wall stands the grey, unmoving statue of Discord, his hand lifted above him as if chuckling. There is a large blue stallion with a yellow mane pacing back and forth between Discord's statue and one of two ponies dancing together. "That isn't right." he mutters softly to himself, encircling the statues in smaller and smaller figure eights. "How do I ask a Princess..." Shaking his head, the stallion looks pitiful, his body quivering with anxiety or fear or both. Suddenly, a soft chuckle floated away from Discord. "Who's there!" The stallion looks around, puzzled and scared. "You better come out! You're trespassing on these grounds." He searches frantically for the source of the voice. "Come now, you don't sound like anything to fear." The unmistakable voice of Discord echos from his stone casing. The stallion stares at the statue, eyes fixated, a look of sheer disbelief spread across the his face. "You can't be talking... Your just a statue. I'm going crazy, aren't I?" He does not take his eyes off the statue, while slowly backing away. "Don't go, I was just having some fun watching you struggle. What? Didn't think there was any life in these old stones? Why do you think Celestia had you guarding them? As beautiful as a statue of me must be, I can't imagine she'd be protect it for no reason." Discord ends his sentence with a slight chuckle. "I... I... I... this...." "Yes, use your words. Much as I don't like conversation with ponies, it does get a bit dull out here all alone. So, what's got you so flustered? Want to ask the Princess for a raise? Maybe even a promotion." "N-n-n-no." The stallion barely manages these words, his eyes fixated still on the motionless statue. "Well, I would say prince is a kind of promotion, don't you? Oh, didn't think I heard you? Pah-lease, I'm a statue in the courtyard of the most powerful pony in the world, of course I pay attention to even the silly things." "Why are you here?" He speaks clearly, but weakly, still trying to recover. "Well, I should think that's obvious. I'm a criminal. The worst kind, of course. I like having fun and all that, and as her admirer, you of all ponies should know how up tight Celestia is." "Don't speak about the Princess with such disrespect. Calling her Celestia is vulgar and disrespectful. She is a princess, and deserves to be refered to as such." The powerful, clear voice the stallion speaks with seems strange, completely out of touch with he previous attempts to speak. It matches the voice of guard, demanding and strict. "Or what? You'll break my statue? Please, do it. Set me free from this torment." "What would happen? Would you be released? Or die?" "I don't know. Both? Neither. Maybe I can't break. Does anypony in Equestria really know what will happen after we do anything?" This seems to confuse the stallion, and he simply sits on his flank. That was the first time I met the stallion. Or, at least the first time I spoke with him. He was a nice pony, and quite devoted to the Princess, much like another pony I know. Honestly, I enjoyed his coming to speak with me. It was a chance to spread a little chaos whenever he came around. But I didn't get him killed. I didn't send him off to his death. He figured out that, if anypony in Equestria knew where Starswirl lives, it would be me. He asked me to tell him for months. Every morning. Every evening. He would sometimes even skip lunch. It was intolerable, and I almost wished I'd never spoken to him. And then, he stopped coming. For weeks at a time. When he came back, he'd ask half heartedly. Then one day, he asked if there was even a real answer, and if I knew it. I told him yes. And he left. He didn't ask where. He just left. I didn't see him again for months, and then, only that last time. "I have to find it, Discord." The stallion's mane has faded to a blue-grey. He isn't old, but there is no joy in him anymore. No nervousness. No fear. He appears exhausted, to the point that it covered every other possible emotion. "She's just one pony. She won't even accept if you find it. You're wasting your time." "I won't come back this time. You'll be alone out here. I won't station anyone to guard you. I'll simply make sure no one can speak to you." A long pause thickens the air as the stallion stares down the statue. "No. You wouldn't make it back. No pony comes back." The stallion begins to turn, his eyes empty. Not even determination remains. "Alright... I'll tell you. But don't go there. I like having a spring of chaos, even if it's only a trickle. And you dying would make that harder. It's in the Everfree Forest. Further back than anypony has ever gone and lived. Even my magic didn't work there. If you see a large clearing with a black stone or a tower in the middle, depending on the day, then you'll know you just have to go east for three days. That's where it is." I never saw that stallion again. I did wonder how Celestia retrieved his remains. She never stationed a guard next to me again. It's... It's sad, really, but it wasn't my fault. I'm sorry that I can't help you with your guilt, but do you really believe that a pony like Pinkie Pie would have wanted you to mourn for her? Or would she have wanted you to party and remember her life? What about the others? Would they want you to burden yourself like this? That's what I ask myself about Fluttershy every time I start to let it get to me. I don't know how to help you Twilight, because only you can really help you. I don't believe that death is the cosmic joke on Harmony. It happens to everything. It is an order that can't be broken. But eternity, that's a joke on me. I can never die. Never change from this to the next. Chaos can't change. They're the lucky ones, but who knows. Eternity hasn't happened yet. Maybe you three aren't really eternal. Discord. Author's Note In a lot of ways, I'm a little surprised how much writing this has helped me. I recently lost my Aunt. This particular chapter has helped me work through it a lot. I did something a bit different, and I hope you guys like it. If not, that's fine too. Like I said, I'm going to make a story out of Celestia, the Stallion, Discord, Twilight and Starswirl's home. Come backMy Spike, I don't know where you are, and I hope the spell to send it to you works. I miss you so much, and I know you must be hurting after Rarity passed. Please come back, I can help you. I want to help you. I need you. I don't think I can do this without you. We need each other. She loved you, you know that? Maybe Rarity never told you that, and maybe not the way you would have liked, but she did love you. And this is going to be hard, but there's something I should have told you a while back. When we were younger, I remember on night we were out in Canterlot Square. We had just finished a bottle of wine and she and I started to head back. Before I left her at her home, she stopped and turned toward me. "You have a wonderful friend in Spike, you know that Twilight? He's worked so hard for you, and for me. He's like a little brother I never had. I love my Sweetie Belle, but she's been so busy singing lately, Spike has been such a good companion. I truly do love him, and I love spending my time with him. But maybe he should spend less time with me. I can't stand the thought of him dwelling so long on me. It kills me every time he does some beautiful gesture to win my heart, because I know I can never repay his love. Please, I would like it if he came around less, so that he might find someone who can. I know those words hurt, and I didn't say them just to hurt you more. She wouldn't want this Spike. She would want you to live your life and be happy. I know how much pain you're going through, I loved them all. We can get past this together, but you have to come back. I can't do this anymore. Spike, please, comeback to me, I love you. I need you, Twilight Author's Note Hey, so, Today (feb. 26) was my birthday, and I felt I need to get this done by the end of the day. I hope you guys enjoy it, even though it was short.
Saying GoodbyePrincess Celestia, I attended Rarity's funeral today. Thank you for making it so beautiful, as you did with each of my friends. She would have loved it. The beautiful crystal casket, the diamond headstone. She touched so many lives with her generosity, I never even knew. The orphan's shelter she helped stay open with donations, those that she gave outfits to when they couldn't afford something for their wedding day. Sometimes I wonder if she ever actually sold a dress. So many ponies attended to see her laid to rest. Truly she was a wonderful friend, and one I will always cherish. They all were. You know the last thing she said to me? She took my hoof, and she looked into my eyes, and she said, "Twilight, darling. These past years have been the best anypony could ever have hoped for. You have been a gem, dazzling me every day and filling my life with wonder. Please, don't let that wonder leave you." That's all she said, and her eyes glassed over, a smile frozen on her face and a single tear rolling down her cheek. It hurt so badly to watch her pass like that, even though I knew she was happy. I can only imagine how Spike is handling it. He flew off after that, and I have only seen him at the funeral since. He'll come back, but I think he needs to be alone. I think I need to be alone. Rarity was my last friend other than Spike, and he and I have grown apart recently as he has gotten older. He spends more and more time with other dragons, collecting gems and sleeping. Watching each of them pass was hard. Applejack, with such a rough life bucking apple, wore herself down so young. It's been nearly twenty years since she passed. I still see her smile sometimes when I close my eyes, and I can remember that first day we met. She had said, after only knowing me for minutes, that I was practically a part of the family. And the way that, just by looking into her eyes, I knew I could trust whatever she told me. When she passed, it was so sudden. With Rainbow Dash in Cloudsdale and Rarity having moved to Canterlot for her fashion career, we barely had any notice that she was passing. All of us hurried as quickly as we could, but she had left this world before we arrived. Her funeral was modest, exactly how she would have wanted it. I never realized how large her family was until they had all stood around her to say good bye. They have an amazing tradition, the Apples. Each of them plants their very first tree, marks it, and cares for it until they die. Then, the tree is chopped down and made into their casket. I want to thank you for what you did back then. Such a perfect preservation spell, I imagine that this world will pass before time wears on the casket or her body in any way. And then, to mark her grave, they planted a baby Appletree. Next we lost Fluttershy. She cared so much for animals, she couldn't stand to see them suffer. In the end, it's what would take her from me. I told her that the bear was dangerous, but she had dealt with so many, and she couldn't just leave him be. It only took one swipe from his massive paw, and her aged and fragile body couldn't take it. I took her to the hospital, and she held on until Rarity, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash arrived. She looked so sad, in so much pain. But she looked at each of us, and told us that she loved us. We watched as she slipped into a deep sleep that she never woke up from. Her funeral was probably the most unusual. I don't think she had any family, or at least none that was close to her. It was only the four of us, you, Discord and her animals. The pain I saw on Discord's face, I still can't believe how much he cared. It surprised me, I don't think I ever full trusted him until I saw how much he hurt. While the animals making her a simple casket was an amazing show of how much her kindness touched others, the tombstone Discord made for her was incredible. I had thought his magic could only create chaos, but that tombstone was amazing. A bush which spelled out her name, and the words "Never a kinder pony in all of history," the words written in berries which would replenish themselves forever. I think Discord wanted Fluttershy to be able to care for her animals forever, and what an amazing way to show it. Pinkie pie's passing was the most shocking. Looking back, we should have paid more attention. I should have been a better friend. Losing Applejack and Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow and I moving away and the slow decline of Ponyville left her nearly alone. She took her life. It hurt so much to have failed a friend so terribly. I still remember the letter she left us. "I miss my friends so much. I just want to be back with them. I just don't want to be alone anymore." Rainbow Dash found her in her room, laying in her bed as if she were asleep. I think her passing hurts the most. To know that if I had only been there for her, she might still be here. I blame myself everyday. We tried to throw a party for her funeral. I think she would have liked it. The cakes came back and made her a cake. All of Ponyville came to say good by. It was such a disaster. None of us felt like partying obviously, and it didn't seem right with how Pinkie had passed. Rainbow stayed at her tombstone for days, never leaving. I think there was more there, but it's to late to ever find out. Thank you again, for the balloons you placed on her tombstone. Never deflating, never popping. And those three words, "Never quit smiling." Rainbow passed not long after. The doctors at Cloudsdale general mercy said it was natural causes, and at her age, it wouldn't surprise me. But I saw her eyes as she lay there, slipping away minute by minute. A broken heart, regret. That's what I saw. I don't think she ever recovered from Pinkie's death. The Wonderbolts flew over her funeral, and made her a post-mortem member. The way her tombstone slide from one color to the next, it felt right at home with each of her friends in that cemetery outside of what's left of Ponyville. And now Rarity's joins them. Applejack's now fully grown apple tree, the bush still full of fresh fruit for Fluttershy's animals, Pinkie Pie's balloons, Rainbow Dash's changing tombstone, and now her diamond marker. I sat outside, staring at each of them for days. I can't believe they're gone. Why did you choose me? I loved being your student, and I love working with you everyday, but I miss my friends more than anything in the world. And I will never get to see them again. It hurts everyday. I just want to tell Rarity how happy she made me. I want to tell Applejack how much I cherished her. I want to race Rainbow dash again. I want to have tea with Fluttershy. And... I want to tell Pinkie Pie she isn't alone. You once told me that there was more to a young mare's life than studying. You once told me to make some friends. But why? All it did was show me a love, fill my heart with love and grow my heart so much, that when it was taken from me, I would have a hole so empty that I wish I could die. Why should I live forever as I watch each and everypony of my friends die. And, I know that Spike will die one day as well. He's like a little brother to me, and I will have to watch him pass. Just like Shining Armor. Just like my mother and father. Just like everypony I care about. How can you live like this? Yours, Twilight Sparkle Author's Note Let me know what you guys think. This isn't the end, there are going to be a lot of exchanges between the "immortals" of Equestria. This is my first one, so criticism is welcome, it's how we get better after all. Edit: I made a few minor changes, nothing that requires rereading, mostly gramatical and the like.
Never forgetTwilight, I am truly sorry for the pain you have endured over these several years. Perhaps I have been too wrapped up in my duties to notice how hard this has been on you. You must know that you may speak with me any time you wish, I will always be here to listen. We all know the pain that you are feeling now. Luna, Candace, Discord and I. Especially Discord. It has been a long time since I became attached to anypony other than Luna. Except you. Early in Equestria's history, after Luna and I had established our rule, I met a young Stallion. A Pegasus, he was deep blue, his eyes bright yellow, and they often reminded me of my sun. He was smart, brave and adventurous, and he quickly rose to the highest rank of my guard. We bonded quickly, as he would tell me stories of his exploration of Equestria's borders. Wonderful tales that made me resent royal duties in favor of more exciting travels. I did not realize it at first, but he had become taken with me. I do not remember any longer if I had felt so inclined toward him, but I told him that it could not be. Because I would live for much longer than he, I felt I needed to protect myself from him. He begged for weeks, asking me every night for a single chance. It hurt our friendship dearly, as we could not talk about anything without his asking. Finally, I gave him one. I created a test, a single question. I told him that, should he ever figure out the answer, we would court. I am ashamed of what I did, however. I knew that the question had no answer, or rather, that he could never find out the answer. I asked him to find out what had happened to Starswirl the Bearded. I knew that he had been transformed by that same spell you finished all those years ago, but I kept the book hidden, and there was no trace of Starswirl elsewhere. It took some of the strain out of our friendship. For many years, we talked about his adventures, enjoyed breakfast nearly everyday that he was in Canterlot together. I did enjoy them so much, and perhaps I did care for him, but I feared as much for his safety as my feelings. This was early in the consolidation of the Canterlot court, and many of the nobles were searching for a way to harm me. Since I was so powerful, protected by the Elements of Harmony and Luna, they could do nothing to me. But I knew that they would try to hurt him. I was selfish. I didn't want to be hurt, no matter how hard I try to say it was because I didn't want him hurt. On the anniversary of my giving him the question the next year, he asked for a private audience. I feared truly that he had figured out the answer somehow. I remember the conversation perfectly, because I have never been able to forgive myself for what I did that night. "Princess, I must ask you something." His eyes stared straight into mine, pain held back by what I won't ever know. "Is it possible to find the answer?" It was worse than I could have imagined. Had he found the answer, I suppose we could have courted for a while and I could have ended it, but this was an impossible situation. "Please, princess. I only want the truth." I should have told it to him right then and there, but I was still young, still naive. I feared he would be devastated, or that he would begin begging me again. I lied to him. "Yes, it is indeed possible to find the answer. And I believe in you. I believe that you can do it." I don't think he believed me, but he didn't say anything more, and left the room, and me, in silence. He continued searching for the answer, every few months making a half-hearted joke that he would find it. After 7 years, I was amazed at his persistence, and started to believe it was a joke. Until I found him one night, seated in the garden, speaking to Discord's statue. I had never considered the possibility that he would speak to Discord, but it was only a few generations before that Luna and I had defeated him, and his memory was still fresh in both the minds of the ponies and the scars he created in the land. Discord never told me what he said to the Stallion. And I never told the Stallion that I saw him talking. The next morning, I had convinced myself to tell him the truth. I waited for him at our usual spot, but he never showed. He did not report for duty that day. Or the next. Or ever again. After three days, I realized something terrible had happened. I went to his quarters in the barracks. It was clear he had left in a hurry, the room was had drawers flung to the floor, and a small, half-eaten meal sat rotting on the table. I found a note on the table, with only 5 words on it. "I will find the answer." I panicked at that note. I hide in my room that night, flipping through every book Starswirl had ever written, every journal. The next morning, I went down to Discord's statue, begging him to tell me what he had said. Discord remained silent. He never spoke to me the entire time he was set in stone, though apparently he spoke to others from time to time. Even now, he won't tell me what he said. He only looks away with a shamed look on his face. A week and three days passed, and a there was a knock at my door. It was one of my advisers. He told me that one of the guards on patrol near the Everfree forest found him, wounded and dying. Though my adviser did not know this, he had died before I was ever told. I went to the military hospital he was kept at, but there was nothing that could be done. His funeral was the first of a guard that had passed on duty, or rather, that of a guard who had been believed to be on duty. I told everypony he had been performing a secret task for me. His funeral began a tradition that is kept even to this day. It was beautiful. It was a late Autumn morning, the leaves nearly finished turning, but it was before the running of the leaves. He always loved the morning, and so I stopped the sun only a little after dawn, so that his funeral would be completely during the morning. His casket was a golden one, his family crest emblazoned upon it. I think about how beautiful his funeral was everyday, and the guilt I feel for the responsibility I have in his death. After his funeral, his mother spoke to me. I remember it like it was only hours ago, instead of over a thousand years. She was very elderly, and I believe she passed not long after that. She had a curly green mane, a very pale orange coat and a cutie mark of a house. She hoofed a small packet of paper to me. "He wanted you to have this." It was several pieces of parchment folded together with my name on it. She turned to leave, and then looked back at me for a second. "I hope whatever you sent him on was worth it." Those last words cut deep into me. I knew it hadn't been. The parchment was a collection of letters, telling me why he loved me, how he would never give up. They were truly beautiful, and I mourn some much harder at reading them. I will spare you the details, but there is one thing I thought you should see, and it is the reason that I wrote this too you. Princess, I know you did not believe I could find an answer. I suspect you even tried to make it impossible. But I also know that, if that is the case, you will not refuse me when I find the answer. Otherwise, why would you not simply tell me no and send me away? I know now where Starswirl's home is, and I am going there tomorrow morning. I wrote this, in case I failed. I wanted... I need you to know that I loved only you, until the end. Twilight, he spent almost 9 years trying simply to court me. And I refused. I mistreated him in a way that can never be forgiven. He died searching for something that I had set him to searching for. I suspect that, if he had never discovered Starswirl's home, he would have spent his entry life trying to find the answer. I took his life from him. If I had been braver, or stronger, I could have told him no to his face, and saved his life. And if I could have been stronger still, I could have told him I loved him. We all have regrets Twilight, and we all know in some way the pain you are feeling now. There is a reason I will never allow myself to be courted. For many years, I feel into despair after what happened, and it was a dark time in Equestria's history. We have a responsibility as princesses to do what is best for our subjects, no matter how hard it is. Every day I regret what I did to him. You asked how I can live like this. I live by remembering what I did to him. I live by remembering that I must do my best, to live up to the princess that he loved. And I live because I can never let myself live easy after what I did. But you loved your friends. You loved them and never betrayed them. I can understand why you blame yourself for Pinkie Pie's death, but it wasn't your fault. You could never have known how much she was struggling. Twilight, do not let this eat at you. Do not let this pain taking you from the world. Your subjects need you, and we are here to help you through this. You are not alone, Twilight Sparkle. With love, Celestia.
Move onTwilight, She couldn't love anyone. Even as the element of generosity, she just couldn't do it, and I think that's because she gave so much of herself, there wasn't anything left to give. After she moved to Canterlot, I visited her as often your schedule would allow. She kept an entire orphanage open with the money she saved from her business. It almost bankrupted her, with how much money she gave. And that wasn't enough. She made outfits for anypony who couldn't afford one. I remember one in particular, I had just come into the shop. "Darling, don't worry about it. It wouldn't help anypony for you not to have a nice outfit for your wedding. Of course, I'll have a dress made up for her as well." She looked exhausted, bags thick under her eyes and her ears sagged. Her mane was a mess. "I-I couldn't ask that of you. I can't afford anything so wonderful, a simply patch up of my old suit is fine." The young pegasus was clearly uncomfortable taking a gift like that from her, and yet Rarity would never have accepted anything like it. "Dear, please. I'm sure that suit was a gem when it was first made, but I doubt any designer in Equestria could repair it." It was true, the suit had been extremely tattered. Still, I think she just said that to help the stallion save face. "Besides, I don't think I could rest knowing that a mare as lovely as Mila was going with anything less than the best on her wedding day. I'll have it all ready by Monday." "Mon-n-nday? But, it's Friday already! How would you make it in such a short time?" It had clearly been his first time visiting her, or he would have known better. "I will have it done. Now please, do hold still, I need to measure your chest." He snapped to attention. At that point, I spoke up "Rarity, I came by to help, if you need any..." "Oh yes, do come in Spike. I was just finishing the measurements for this handsome stallion, and I could use your help preparing the ponikin. If you would go up to the antechamber and retrieve one, I would be ever-so grateful." As I headed up the stairs, I could still hear her speaking to him. "Now, how much did you say you could pay for the repairs?" "Oh, yes... I have about 20 bits. I know it isn't much, but I don't have much, I certainly can't pay for a whole new suit and dress." "Shush. You will pay me 10 bits, and return on Monday. Also, send Mila here sometime this afternoon so I can get her measurements and work through what style of dress she would like. Oh, it will be just beautiful." She had that dress done by Sunday morning. It's like she lived off of being generous to other ponies. And I think that hard work wore on her. That was only a few weeks before... She did things like that so often, I don't understand how she kept her doors open. Maybe she charged a lot to her paying customers. I know the materials alone for that suit were over 600 bits, because I picked them up for her. When Mila came in to pick up the dress, it was hilarious how hard she tried to get Rarity to let her pay. "Oh Rarity, I can't accept this for free, it must have cost you a fortune, I wouldn't feel right." "Nonsense dear, consider it a wedding gift from me to you. Besides, I don't imagine I'll be keeping this boutique open much longer, I am getting on in years." I think that was the first time her aging really dawned on me. She was going to die, and I wouldn't. "Well, you don't look it. Honestly, most of us thought you were not much older that we are." I think she was being honest, especially with how well Rarity kept up her appearance. Even on that last day, she wanted to look her best... "But of course, I said I was getting on in years, not in beauty." She winked at the young mare before levitating a beautiful silk a-line wedding gown to her. "It really is incredible. How did you make it so quickly?" "Oh... It was no trouble at all." "Well, thank you. And, if you would please, I would love it if you could come to the wedding." She took me with her to that wedding, by the way. Said it was unseemly for a lady to go without a date to such an occasion. Twilight, I wondered for weeks about how she managed to stitch that dress in a weekend. I knew she was good, and with magic, maybe that good. But a brand new dress, a brand new suit, in one weekend? By hoof? I asked her about it the first day, but she told me it wasn't important at first. "A lady never reveals tricks of the trade. Not even to her most prized assistant." Rather than the usually tone of flattery, however, she seemed uneasy, sad almost. "Rarity, what's wrong?" She started to stare out the window after the mare as she left "Huh? Oh, nothing dear, just watching a dream come true." I'm positive I saw a tear roll down her cheek. I finally got her to tell me about the dress. Twilight, it was HER dress. The dress she planned to wear at the wedding she'd planned to have. She realized, I don't know when, but she realized that she would never marry, never have fillies of her own. She told me that it was because she never took the time to be courted, and I know she had plenty who tried. I really think she just couldn't love like that for anypony, because she gave to much of herself away already. I loved her Twilight, and I will always love her. Every time I think about her, I start to tear up, and I remember my birthday all those years ago, when we were falling and about to die, and she stopped me from telling her. I remember so many things about her, and it hurts, it hurts that every time I close my eyes, I see her last few minutes. Every time I close my eyes, I see her spirit slip away to wherever the mortal go when they die. It's time to let go. Having me there isn't going to help, you or me. All it will do is remind us of what we lost. I found a new home, with other dragons. They don't trust me very much, but it's nice to live somewhere where I don't get stares walking around. I feel at home here. You're like a big sister to me, I'll always love you, but at least for now, I need to be away from there... Away from her. Love, Spike Author's Note Sorry this took so long, midterms were harder than I had expected.
Nothing easyDiscord, We don't speak much. I know that's obvious, but I thought... I know how much you must have hurt after Fluttershy passed. I wanted to thank you for what you did for her. It was absolutely beautiful, and it warms my heart every time I go to their graves. What a wonderful gift, to help her carry on what was in a way her very life's goal. I think that was the first time I realized you were really good now. How did you get past her death? I feel everyday like the pain is going to drown me. She died doing what she loved, but it seems so unfair that she would be killed by the animals that she so loved. How do you do it, keep moving forward? Every day, I think about them. I look at Luna's stars at night, losing track of my studies and wondering if maybe they're up there somewhere, watching over me. I find my mind wandering back to each of their funerals everyday during court, until tears start to form in the corner of my eyes and I have to excuse myself. I can't do my duties, and all I feel is sadness, no matter what I do. With Spike not returning, I can hardly breath. With him, I lost the last part of family, and my last friend. I can't even make myself leave my chambers for meals any longer. I... I don't know what to do. Losing Fluttershy, your first true friend, I thought maybe you might understand what I'm feeling. Celestia will always have Luna, so there's no way she could truly understand this. I thought, maybe you might know... You seem so calm, like you've moved past it. I also need to know something else. I doubt you know much about Pinkie Pie's death, I asked Celestia to keep it from everypony, to keep that from being the last thing anypony knew about her. She killed herself, because we left her behind. She couldn't handle the emptiness of Ponyville and her friends passing or leaving. I just feel so responsible for it. Celestia told me about something which happened early in her time as ruler, before Nightmare Moon. There was a young stallion, one who wanted to court her, but she played his heart. And she challenged him to search for the fate of Star swirl the Bearded, and that he eventually came to you. She saw him sit and speak with you, and knows that you told him where Star swirl's home was. That's where he died. You sent him to his death. I know at the time, it probably meant nothing to you... but how did you get past leading him to his death? I have to know, because, maybe it can help. I am truly sorry for bringing these painful things up, but I have to know. Twilight. Author's Note Sorry it's taken me so long to write these. I have some big papers coming up, so I've been working on them. I promise Discord's letter will be much longer!
Choosing differentTwilight, I suppose you meant nothing by your letter, but surly you can see how it would offend. How could I have moved past it so easily? I never moved past it. I spend every day wishing Fluttershy were one of us. I frequently find myself reflecting on her death, writing her name in the swirls of the water and in the glass of store shops. After the funeral, I went and found the bear. I wanted so badly to turn him into a fish and serve him to a seagull. But that wouldn't have been what Fluttershy would have wanted. So I put him to sleep, and mended a bone in his leg that had healed improperly when it broke. It's likely what had lead him to do what he did to her. I understand also why you would ask about that stallion. I remember it well, he spoke to me more than once, but I suspect you are asking about the last time he did. I told him the truth. I wanted to create chaos in Celestia's court, and I did. It was rather enjoyable, even if I'm not supposed to enjoy evil anymore. But I do feel remorse for his passing, and I do know that it was my fault. I told him where Startswirl's old hovel was, deep in the Everfree forest. I wanted him to find the answer, and bring it back to Celestia. I didn't want him to die, that wasn't my plan at all. He spoke to me every morning, and while it was often boring, it was better than the silence I often was treated to before and after him. But I also know that it wasn't me that sent him into that forest. That no matter what I had done, he would have found the location eventually, and there was nothing I could do to prevent that. And that is something you must learn. What happened to Pinkie Pie was tragic. Truly, I miss the random insanity she brought into her own corner of the world. I would often watch her to see what she would do. But along with that came something that would never let her telling herself that none of you really loved her. That's who she was, a pain hidden deep down behind her laughter. But she knows better now, I suppose. And she wouldn't want you to pain in the way that you do. You should know something else. Better than any of us, you know what friendship is. Can you actually say that everything that you went through, all the pain of losing your friends, wasn't worth the memories, the good times? I should hope not. I would never trade my friendship with Fluttershy simply to end the pain I feel from her absence. That is more chaos than even I can bear. I doubt this will help much, but maybe you should look into an old ponies' tale that's almost as old as Princess Celestia. It might help. The Blackhoof heart. Yours for eternity, Discord.
Never regretMy dearest Twilight, I've never gotten past Fluttershy's death. Quite the contrary, I feel a deep, empty sorrow every day. You and the others may have been reluctant friends with me, but Fluttershy wanted to be my friend. I haven't had much to lose since my time on Equestria began. But I've certainly lost what little I did have when Fluttershy passed. It seem... wrong, somehow. In a way, I always though death was some kind of cosmic joke played on Harmony. After all, what's a bigger change than death? But I can't say that makes Fluttershy dying any more simple. We don't forget or get past losing somepony. We carry them with us, the sorrow of knowing them, for as long as we live. So you can imagine how much Celestia and Luna carry on their backs, having had so had such an early start on eternity over you. But also, joy. Yes, we carry joy on our backs as well, the joy of having known somepony so special to us. I can't possibly fathom why you would ask me for help with something like this. I've no experience dealing with loss... Well, besides the losses I've caused for others. I'm not of much help, and believe me, I'm not much better off than you are. Why do you think Equestria has been wracked with such intolerable peacefulness for so long? A drab, dull, grey boredom that seems to stagnate everypony's lives. I just don't feel up to my usual fun anymore. As to the other pony, no, I don't feel any regret at what happened to him, but he might be the closest thing to a friend I had back then. We spoke rather frequently before the time you mentioned. He was... well, just tap your horn to the page, and I'll show you. The court yard of the Celestial palace spreads out into a garden of statues. A sweet, crisp sunshine is rising over the east. There, resting near a bush wall stands the grey, unmoving statue of Discord, his hand lifted above him as if chuckling. There is a large blue stallion with a yellow mane pacing back and forth between Discord's statue and one of two ponies dancing together. "That isn't right." he mutters softly to himself, encircling the statues in smaller and smaller figure eights. "How do I ask a Princess..." Shaking his head, the stallion looks pitiful, his body quivering with anxiety or fear or both. Suddenly, a soft chuckle floated away from Discord. "Who's there!" The stallion looks around, puzzled and scared. "You better come out! You're trespassing on these grounds." He searches frantically for the source of the voice. "Come now, you don't sound like anything to fear." The unmistakable voice of Discord echos from his stone casing. The stallion stares at the statue, eyes fixated, a look of sheer disbelief spread across the his face. "You can't be talking... Your just a statue. I'm going crazy, aren't I?" He does not take his eyes off the statue, while slowly backing away. "Don't go, I was just having some fun watching you struggle. What? Didn't think there was any life in these old stones? Why do you think Celestia had you guarding them? As beautiful as a statue of me must be, I can't imagine she'd be protect it for no reason." Discord ends his sentence with a slight chuckle. "I... I... I... this...." "Yes, use your words. Much as I don't like conversation with ponies, it does get a bit dull out here all alone. So, what's got you so flustered? Want to ask the Princess for a raise? Maybe even a promotion." "N-n-n-no." The stallion barely manages these words, his eyes fixated still on the motionless statue. "Well, I would say prince is a kind of promotion, don't you? Oh, didn't think I heard you? Pah-lease, I'm a statue in the courtyard of the most powerful pony in the world, of course I pay attention to even the silly things." "Why are you here?" He speaks clearly, but weakly, still trying to recover. "Well, I should think that's obvious. I'm a criminal. The worst kind, of course. I like having fun and all that, and as her admirer, you of all ponies should know how up tight Celestia is." "Don't speak about the Princess with such disrespect. Calling her Celestia is vulgar and disrespectful. She is a princess, and deserves to be refered to as such." The powerful, clear voice the stallion speaks with seems strange, completely out of touch with he previous attempts to speak. It matches the voice of guard, demanding and strict. "Or what? You'll break my statue? Please, do it. Set me free from this torment." "What would happen? Would you be released? Or die?" "I don't know. Both? Neither. Maybe I can't break. Does anypony in Equestria really know what will happen after we do anything?" This seems to confuse the stallion, and he simply sits on his flank. That was the first time I met the stallion. Or, at least the first time I spoke with him. He was a nice pony, and quite devoted to the Princess, much like another pony I know. Honestly, I enjoyed his coming to speak with me. It was a chance to spread a little chaos whenever he came around. But I didn't get him killed. I didn't send him off to his death. He figured out that, if anypony in Equestria knew where Starswirl lives, it would be me. He asked me to tell him for months. Every morning. Every evening. He would sometimes even skip lunch. It was intolerable, and I almost wished I'd never spoken to him. And then, he stopped coming. For weeks at a time. When he came back, he'd ask half heartedly. Then one day, he asked if there was even a real answer, and if I knew it. I told him yes. And he left. He didn't ask where. He just left. I didn't see him again for months, and then, only that last time. "I have to find it, Discord." The stallion's mane has faded to a blue-grey. He isn't old, but there is no joy in him anymore. No nervousness. No fear. He appears exhausted, to the point that it covered every other possible emotion. "She's just one pony. She won't even accept if you find it. You're wasting your time." "I won't come back this time. You'll be alone out here. I won't station anyone to guard you. I'll simply make sure no one can speak to you." A long pause thickens the air as the stallion stares down the statue. "No. You wouldn't make it back. No pony comes back." The stallion begins to turn, his eyes empty. Not even determination remains. "Alright... I'll tell you. But don't go there. I like having a spring of chaos, even if it's only a trickle. And you dying would make that harder. It's in the Everfree Forest. Further back than anypony has ever gone and lived. Even my magic didn't work there. If you see a large clearing with a black stone or a tower in the middle, depending on the day, then you'll know you just have to go east for three days. That's where it is." I never saw that stallion again. I did wonder how Celestia retrieved his remains. She never stationed a guard next to me again. It's... It's sad, really, but it wasn't my fault. I'm sorry that I can't help you with your guilt, but do you really believe that a pony like Pinkie Pie would have wanted you to mourn for her? Or would she have wanted you to party and remember her life? What about the others? Would they want you to burden yourself like this? That's what I ask myself about Fluttershy every time I start to let it get to me. I don't know how to help you Twilight, because only you can really help you. I don't believe that death is the cosmic joke on Harmony. It happens to everything. It is an order that can't be broken. But eternity, that's a joke on me. I can never die. Never change from this to the next. Chaos can't change. They're the lucky ones, but who knows. Eternity hasn't happened yet. Maybe you three aren't really eternal. Discord. Author's Note In a lot of ways, I'm a little surprised how much writing this has helped me. I recently lost my Aunt. This particular chapter has helped me work through it a lot. I did something a bit different, and I hope you guys like it. If not, that's fine too. Like I said, I'm going to make a story out of Celestia, the Stallion, Discord, Twilight and Starswirl's home.
Come backMy Spike, I don't know where you are, and I hope the spell to send it to you works. I miss you so much, and I know you must be hurting after Rarity passed. Please come back, I can help you. I want to help you. I need you. I don't think I can do this without you. We need each other. She loved you, you know that? Maybe Rarity never told you that, and maybe not the way you would have liked, but she did love you. And this is going to be hard, but there's something I should have told you a while back. When we were younger, I remember on night we were out in Canterlot Square. We had just finished a bottle of wine and she and I started to head back. Before I left her at her home, she stopped and turned toward me. "You have a wonderful friend in Spike, you know that Twilight? He's worked so hard for you, and for me. He's like a little brother I never had. I love my Sweetie Belle, but she's been so busy singing lately, Spike has been such a good companion. I truly do love him, and I love spending my time with him. But maybe he should spend less time with me. I can't stand the thought of him dwelling so long on me. It kills me every time he does some beautiful gesture to win my heart, because I know I can never repay his love. Please, I would like it if he came around less, so that he might find someone who can. I know those words hurt, and I didn't say them just to hurt you more. She wouldn't want this Spike. She would want you to live your life and be happy. I know how much pain you're going through, I loved them all. We can get past this together, but you have to come back. I can't do this anymore. Spike, please, comeback to me, I love you. I need you, Twilight Author's Note Hey, so, Today (feb. 26) was my birthday, and I felt I need to get this done by the end of the day. I hope you guys enjoy it, even though it was short.
