Trixie is Bored

by Chuckward

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Trixie, Comedy, Random
Length: 990

Trixie has a crisis.

Trixie has an existentially existential crisis of existential proportions.

Cover by :McPoodle

Published 2013-02-22 11:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-22 11:00:01 UTC

Please don't read this story.

The Great and Powerful Trixie™, was sitting alone in her trailer, mindlessly mulling about, and musing of the many mundanities she had to suffer throughout her showbusiness career. It was a fun, yet somehow incredibly tiring life. When one becomes used to fame and attention, the magic of it all fades away into a big, dull mess of blended memories. Trixie enjoyed her time onstage, it was a blissful moment that consumed her very being. But alas, too much of a good thing can become bad.

As she meandered about her trailer, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, began to grow incredibly bored, not of the dazzling lights and various riches of her life, as the first paragraph hopefully lead you to believe, but of the situation at hand. She had about an hour before the show began, and she was unsure of just how to waste it.

So many hours had been spent in preparation for her latest show, that, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, was basically just waiting for the show to begin. She sat down for a minute, momentarily stunned into stillness.

The Great and Powerful Trixie™, could not think of a single way to satiate her incredible boredom. Any mundane task would do, but as she sat, staring off into space, none came to mind. She had literally no idea as to what could be a good time waster before her next flawless performance. In the old days, she'd have done something silly like obsess over a certain purple unicorn, but with all of her past problems resolved, that pony was of little concern to her.

Without anything to do, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, decided to do the only sensible thing, and have some sort of horrible existential crisis. With an air of finality, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, got up off of her delicious butt and cantered over to her mirror.

The Great and Powerful Trixie™, stared into her reflection, gazing at her lustrous mane, and her sparkling dark black eyes(forgot her eye color) and began to question the surreality of her own reality.

Where was her life going? In truth, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, hadn't made any headway as an actress, even before the incident with the Ursa. Now that she had been reformed, the only thoughts that entered her moist, throbbing brain, were ones of self-doubt and misery. In her ten years as a performer, her career had never been so low. Ponies just weren't interested in magic, especially considering that it already fucking existed, and was therefore an everyday occurance.

Just then The Great and Powerful Trixie™, had an astounding epiphany.

"My job is fucking stupid,"she said, staring into her reflection, wide-eyed as her mind was effectively blown to smithereens by the proverbial shotgun that was this realization.

Now, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, had it all figured out. She had quite literally wasted the vast majority of her life on something that one third of the population could already do. Now that she knew just how stupid she was,The Great and Powerful Trixie™, had to figure out just how she was going to handle it.

On one hoof, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, could become one of those poor, middle-aged mares who go into real estate because they're trying to start a career for themselves way too late in life, or she could kill herself. To be honest, the latter seemed to be the more viable option in this case.

Just as she was about to off herself with a very tantalizing noose that she kept in case of noose related emergencies, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, was broken out of her suicidal stupor by a knock on her trailer door.

"It's show time Ms.Trixie,"came a muffled voice from the other side.

The Great and Powerful Trixie™, sighed, she might as well give her few fans a final show. Getting once again up off of the floor, she pulled her cape on and placed the shimmering star hat upon her head.

The Great and Powerful Trixie™, walked out of her trailer, and was greeted by a modest but enthusiastic applause as she made her way to the stage. She smiled as she announced her entry, receiving many cheering whistles from her smal but adoring public. There were only about forty ponies in the audience, and most of them were kids, but Trixie didn't care, she was going to put on a show.

With a great spouting of various nonsensical, made-up magic words, The Great and Powerful Trixie™, launched an enormous tidal wave of illusions upon the crowd. Her tirade of flashing lights and pyrotechnics dazzling the crowd with a sense of wonder. As she stood upon the stage, Trixie felt something, a newly lit spark inside of her, that signified that this was her one true calling.

Trixie no longer cared if her career went especially well, as long as she could mystify someone, she'd truly be happy. So The Great and Powerful Trixie™, addressed the crowd with a new sense of vigor, and a replenished love for her job.

"For my next trick I'll-"

"Get assassinated?"asked John Wilkes Booth as he stepped out from behind a beautiful, velour curtain. The audience gasped as John raised a gun to Trixie's head and pulled the trigger, effectively ending her career forever.

Immediately, two police ponies rushed onto the stage, handcuffing the assailing assassin.

Suddenly, Velma showed up, and walked onto the stage to join the cops, her leg muscles contracting and expanding with each step.

"This isn't John Wilkes Booth at all,"said Velma,"It's really," she pulled John's mask off.

"Old Man Jenkins?"said the astonished crowd.

"Nahh,"Old Man Jenkins grumbled,"and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for the fact that I failed."

The end.

Author's Note

Best. Ending. Ever.

The trademark is there so that Hasbro doesn't pull more annoying bullshit.