An story in the Afterlife
A blinding light, a big sphere of blaze and my whole body going numb is all I remember before I died. I am dead, I am completely sure of it. My body is no more, neither none of my senses, but I am still here. How?
It’s difficult to explain, I have nothing to hold to, nothing bound to me but I am there, thinking. I can see, or at least something alike, everything is pitch black and I think am deaf, everything is so silent I can’t distinguish sounds. I only keep my self-awareness. No shapes, no colors, no sounds, I can’t feel my hooves nor wings, no … This can’t be death, I don’t want to be like this forever. Being conscious but unable to feel? What’s my purpose if I can’t even sense anything!
Suddenly in all the pitch black I can see dots of light, no dots, those are stars in the sky! Good, I can see something at least. It would take me a long time to count them all, name them and recognized them. Now I have a purpose and more importantly something to do. I still can’t remember much, just my dead and what I was doing at the time. Great, I happened to be thinking that listening to others can be very convenient, how helpful! (sarcasm). I wish I were staring at a mirror so I could see my face, because I don’t even remember what I am, I think I know am something physical just because I remember the fireball. Fireball = flames = chemical reaction = physic world. I sorted all out with just logic, is that what is called? I find it pretty useful when owning a blank mind. Hmm, this is interesting, I never was quite the thinker, but I guess thinking is what you do when there is nothing else you can do.
Excellent, now I know where I am. I am stuck in a clearing in the Everfree forest while looking at the sky with no eyes nor body, I think. I wonder if I can turn … Seriously, Is it that easy? Just think about it and I can look around. I feel silly but who can blame me when my mind is blank like paper?
Who … there are other ponies existing and they are probably alive right now, that means they got to know about me! I have discerned my own goal, I need to find out who or what I am and also know what in Tartarus happened to me. Death, that means it can be murder, suicide or an accident. How I know all of this? Is like I lost all my memories but kept all the references and models needed to obtain logical answers. Wow, am a genius! … Never mind. If I died that means I lost my brain, therefore my memories and the capacity of thinking and yet here I am, thinking. That only means I don’t need a brain to think but I need one to store memories. I always knew there was something more than the physical body. The only thing left is my restless mind which never rested not even when I was fast asleep. It never slept but it stands by, it wasn’t always active because it eventually runs out of things worth thinking.
So I guess my body it’s just a tool for this world? Yeah it makes perfect sense! Okay, so this is a world I used to live in, that means … I have a name, a denomination, friends, family, wants, needs and is a finite list of things but I don’t have the time for that.
Time … how long has it been? What if everypony that knew me already faced the same fate? That way I’d be the only prove of my existence. Well this isn’t so bad. At least I don’t have to mess with the troubles life gave for free. I wonder if there are more ponies like me out there, like some pony or dragon or whatever I can speak to out there, is pretty lonely like this. Am getting out of subject here, who am I and how I died? Let’s focus on the physical world … I see trees, a plain, the moon, a tiny lake. Suddenly so much information is coming up, I see the lake and I happened to know a lot about it even though I didn’t know this existed seconds ago. The trees, made of pine wood, very good for keeping warn temperatures in cold weather. Trees means wood, wood means houses … I have a house! I remember my house, is a not very humble 2 floors house located around Ponyville main plaza. I don’t remember being this smart, I guess intelligence is a matter of practice after all, then again who needs to be smart when you have a stallion doing most for you, in others words, my father. He is the ridiculously overprotective type, treating me more like a fragile diamond than a filly. I never complained, but then again, I cannot let myself get spoiled. Anyway, back to topic again.
A house means … wait, I live alone. I wish I could remember more, but my memories are gone, I can only concentrate and see what this mind has gone through. Am not sure how I know all of this but it appears to be like I remember, but I need to discern a related something to know about it. Soooo … can I move? I have no legs or wings, not even a head (I can't even tell if I do), but I can see, but not feel. Now let’s think about moving … nothing, my body refuses to move. But of course, I don’t have a body! Silly me. I focus on a certain place and I happen to move, sort of. I reached my destination instantly, just a few meters from where I was before, but is so quick is like the universe moved instead of me. Is not exactly like moving, is more like I have to feel moving. Wow, did I get smarter or something? I remember I couldn’t
Cool, I can get used to this. I can think, I can see and I can move. I can watch movies for free, go to the top of the clouds, and creep in any pony’s home. Ha! I can even violate their privacy, I shouldn’t but who will stop me, I am dead! Besides If they can’t see me and I can’t tell anyone is pretty much harmless.
It’s confusing, I can’t feel tired or hungry, pretty self-explanatory because I have no stomach, but I can feel curiosity, concern and even fear. Fear to what? Oh no, those I love are still alive, and I still care about them. It doesn’t hurt, but it pushes me to act.
Act … Can I do anything physical? Obviously I can’t without a body. It wouldn’t kill me to try. I see I still can think humorously, but I can’t produce the convulsions of laughter, so I can’t enjoy its benefits. Yet I can think with sarcasm and remember the goods of laughter, and it’s almost as pleasant. I think about moving this rock on the ground and it doesn’t move a millimeter, my hoof just passes through it, I try with something lighter, a grass leaf… same result. For the final test, I will try to produce the smallest wave on the lake. If I can do the tiniest amount of influence in here, then I know I can move things.
I concentrate the best I can, thinking in boulders and heavy objects, the seamless surface of the lake remains as it is. I try over and over just to cover any cracks on my experiment. The observation is the same as in the first test, nothing. From where is this intelligence coming from! … Ahem, so I determined I am completely meaningless in the physical aspect, I, and only I can know of my existence, that is until something unusual happens and suddenly some pony comes and explains everything. Yeah, keep dreaming.
So my body remains somewhere? I am aware that I am a ghost, and I can have the pleasure to visualize my body on me again, but it’s not the same. I want to see my real body.
Okay let’s get on topic over here. My name is Stella, I am a Pegasi and I am looking for my killer, if I have one of course. I need to know what happened to me, like seriously how and why the heck I die?! I was just a young mare, age of 19 and a half! I was so lost I could not concentrate that I die! This is horrible! My life is literally over … forever (And I thought life was a bitch).
My frustration was relatively bearable, I cannot feel any sensation without my body, but I can feel the reality of pain, not feel it, but I am aware of it and its not pleasant … It just doesn’t feel nice alright. I don’t feel like twitching, screaming or crying, but I don’t like what I feel, this is enough to make me do, or try something about it.
I see the sun rising and I think of how different I feel time passing. I don’t feel it at all. It’s been 8 hours at least and it felt like … like nothing … nothing … I can’t feel or tell the time passing?! My Goddess Celestia! Who knows if is been a day or 10 years? I am not losing any more time; I am heading to my home.
I think of my home … nothing. I see the same lake and trees. In spite of my urgency, I remain calm, is much easier without a body to constantly remind you of your numerous problems. I want to go home, so I will keep trying until my death. I see I keep my sense of humor. Instead of thinking about it, I try to feel it. My being moving towards my house, I can perceive the trees and the lake furthering away and before I recognize the area around me, I was in front of my home. I don’t know how it happens, but the universe obeys me spontaneously. Well is more like my very being obeys me in the universe. That makes sense, I should obey me, and definitely now that I am dead. There’s no frontier or limitation for the real and not solid me. It has its pros and contras.
I head inside now, leisurely floating, or a fail walk attempt. Judging by the looks of it, it hasn’t been more than a week. The sofa, the windows, the kitchen and the stairs brings back many memories when I was alive, like falling on the stairs one time I tried to carry a chair to the first floor, burning food in the kitchen, crashing through the window. Most of it is bad but we all have an easier time remembering bad memories, because our brain considers them to be more important, you know like trying to avoid accidents and collisions. I am surprised that being dead makes no difference for the negative memories. Now am acting like I know anything about anything.
Apparently the furniture remains untouched, I can’t tell very well, I was never the organized type. I see 2 pictures standing on my favorite round table. The first one is me, smiling and showing my tongue and winking, being naughty as always. Seeing my face again was very satisfying, like accomplishing a self-set mission. The picture of the right was my best friend looking away with his shy smile. Solo is his name, he is a smart guy and it took me a millennia to get him to smile in front of the camera. He is not super shy, but he is shy enough. I became BPFF with him because he is pretty awesome himself. He is a unicorn that always listens to me, he is cute, is always there for me and he is very talented with the cello, he played for me every time I ask him … every time. I can feel smiling. I don’t need lips for it.
My mind dances with the memories of Solo, he is some pony I like a lot, he likes me a lot, and we will never see each other again. I wish I didn’t know this, now I will wander forever as a displeased ghost lamenting about Solo. I wonder how he is taking it. I hope he is alright, I care too much about him and I will find him. But what does it matters, I am dead, game over, no more for me. I still got to find out how I die. I see the sun setting, time flies in ghost mode, that’s a new name for me until I discover more accurately what I am in this world.
I vanish to Solo’s home, I search in every room but they seem empty, and the house looks almost abandoned, I do not like the look of this, where is he? He must be somewhere isolated from the world, mourning me. I see that to be the most likely to be. If he died I would be in my mother’s house, crying in my father grasp, but in the case of Solo that is impossible, he is an orphan, he only had me, I believe. I can, but I refused to check every house in Ponyville. Now don’t be ridiculous, he wouldn’t be in any pony’s house, every time he is sad he just wants to be alone, sometimes he even runs a far as his frustration pushes him to. That means he could be very distant, he is so unpredictable I am afraid I won’t find him soon enough.
Just what I am talking about? Why should I find him? There’s no point, I should be looking for my killer, or my accident, whatever. I know I didn’t kill myself because I was way too happy like to want to end my life. I see how my “feelings” are driving my acts. Even in death there are things you are still chained to, why should I find out how I die and why I should find Solo? Why I care? I can’t feel, but … What I used to feel is pushing me to act and I can’t just say no. I am dead, I can’t do anything, but I have to try, I won’t quit until I know about Solo.
As you wish, call for me when you are ready…
What’s this? Who goes there? I heard something, a voice, fading yet very consistent. Could it be Celestia? No time for that, I will appear in every pony’s until I find Solo and I will begin now.
Author's Note
Eat healthy and exercise at least 3 times a week!
