Regret

by canonkiller

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3492

A one-shot of Twilight and Spike, when the laws of nature force them apart.

The rain had slashed at the windows for a long time before Twilight had noticed it. With a tear-stained muzzle, she looked up from the floor of the library, up to the largest window, past her bed...

...and past the small bed of her assistant.

Her head lowered back to the floor, and she resumed her crying.

Side characters include Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Celestia, and Luna

--------------------------------
** This story was written when I was 14, and the quality and content reflect that. Please be aware that my position on topics contained within may have changed in the time between publishing and now, and I apologize for any offensive material that I may have condoned in my younger years. **

Published 2012-02-06 01:33:52 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-06 01:33:52 UTC

Regret

"What did I say when I first came to Ponyville?"

"All these ponies are crazy?" Spike replied. "Uh... screw this, I'm studying? Let's get this over with?"

The purple Unicorn tossed him a smiling, sideways glare, continuing on. "I thought I wouldn't need my friends! But it's the complete opposite! I need my friends to defeat Discord, once and for all!"

Spike smiled weakly as Twilight levitated the crown of Magic closer. "We need to save Equestria!" She smiled down at her hatchling, using her teeth to gently pull the blankets over him. "Actually, I'll be fine. You get some rest."

Did either of them know they were both thinking the same thing, the same snippet of memory, halfway across the world from each other?

"It won't be that bad, Twilight."

"Are you kidding? Ugh. I'll just have to hurry and get this over with, and then we can go back to Canterlot and figure out how to beat Nightmare Moon!"

"Maybe you'll have fun, Twi."

"Maybe a flying pig will land on my head."

Her assistant smiled, wrapping a claw around her slumped shoulders. "Twilight, stop being so grumpy. You'll never enjoy it if you don't cheer up! Plus, you'll be staying in a library!"

"I don't plan on enjoying it, Spike."

"You're kidding, right?"

Twilight looked around the library, it's interior dark save for the occasional flash of lightning. The Unicorn had been lying there for a long time, hours, days... possibly weeks. Ever since the Royal Pegasus Guard had arrived, bat and bird wings flared imposingly, and had gently ordered Spike out of the library and into the square. Ever since she had lifted her head to see her dragon flying away in a crowd of armored fur.

"I didn't mean to go scaring Owlicious, I mean it!"

"It's okay, Spike. It's all back to normal."

"Who."

"I said that was creepy!" Spike yelled, ignoring Twilight's muffled snicker.

Spike looked out at the rain, feeling a few scattered drops land on his muzzle. His claws twitched against the cold stone, a small sign of his restlessness. His loneliness. He missed having an equine companion nearby to comfort him in the dark of the night, to shield him from the nightmares, to carry him to bed after he stayed up too late...

He just missed having somepony, someone, something to talk to.

Spike looked down from the mountian, one claw easily holding the Wonderbolts captive. He could see Rarity in his tail, and Twilight down on the ground, watching him with wide, terrified eyes.

No, not Spike, she thought, I love you. Don't do this.

Twilight squeezed her eyes shut. "I miss you, Spike."

Spike rose to his hind talons, bending over to stick his head outside of his cave, front claws brushing the ground. "I miss you, Twilight."

"There's no way you'll be able to fit in the library in a week if you keep growing like this."

The teen dragon clumsily spun, tail tucked to avoid launching any unsuspecting items. "It's not that hard to fit, Twi. I'll be fine."

The Unicorn lifted an eyebrow. "Spike, you can't even fit in the bedroom anymore."

"I don't wanna go." He whimpered, curling up on the floor. "I like it here."

"Celestia will make sure you get a good house-"

"Cave."

"-and you'll be taught about dragon etiquette."

"I like it heeeerrre."

"I know, Spike. I don't want you to leave either." She trotted up to him, resting her cheek on his paw. "But I know you. You're smart, and strong, and proud. You'll be fine."

The dragon sighed. "Send a letter, then. I can't hold the quill anymore." His voice dropped sadly, as if this was the final stamp to being mailed away.

Twilight frowned, hiding it quickly when Spike looked up. "You'll be fine." She repeated.

She couldn't tell which one of them it was for.

The calendar loudly proclaimed that it had been five weeks. Twilight hadn't gotten up from the ground. Her ribs jutted eerily from her flank, the skin thin and taut. Her hunger had faded, along with her happiness and whatever dignity and strength she had left.

She wheezed in a breath, enough to keep her going for the next few minutes, if she was lucky.

Maybe she wouldn't be lucky.

Then it would be over.

But no, her subconscious won, and she took another breath.

Maybe next time.

"You could come back to Canterlot, Twilight. You don't have to leave him."

"No, Princess. I have to stay in Ponyville. That's where my friends are."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "I've known you your whole life, Twilight. I know when you're lying."

The unicorn looked around, checking for her draconian companion. She couldn't see him.

"He's been with ponies for too long, Princess. He needs to be with other dragons. Where the other dragons are."

Spike wiped a tear away, spreading his wings and flapping them with a loud snap. He unhooked his claws from the palace roof, flying up into the clouds, not wanting to see the saddened look on the unicorn's face and the surprised, pitying one on her mentor.

A loud, insistent knock rang out through the otherwise-silent library. A mild curiosity piqued in Twilight's mind, but she knew she couldn't get up, even if she wanted to.

"If a pony or other creature on the premises does not open this door in the next thirty seconds, we will have to resort to brute force."

Twilight simply wheezed another breath, her wavering, fuzzy vision blurring somewhat in the direction of the door.

"Ten seconds." The voice added, confidence wavering. "Five seconds."

"Sir?"

"We are going to knock the door down. Could all ponies or other creatures on the premises please stand clear."

"Sir, the door isn't locked."

"What?"

"The door isn't locked, sir. We don't have to knock it down." There was a soft click, and the door swung open, much to the surprise of the general and amusement of his soldier.

"Oh." The older stallion muttered, trying to look confident.

"Dear sweet bucking Celestia," the soldier muttered upon seeing Twilight, "medic!" He yelled out behind him. "Somepony get a medic!"

"My god." The stallion shook off his helmet, placing an ear against Twilight's chest. "She's barely breathing. Note, how long has it been since the dragon left the area?"

A nervous-looking Unicorn trotted in, surveying the dust layer and the seemingly decaying librarian. "Records say six weeks since the official order of eviction, but the youngling probably took some time in finding a cave and collecting his belongings. Five weeks, if we're lucky. No chance of it being shorter."

"Damn, that's too long."

"Actually, if she hasn't moved, her body's been burning muscle for calories. Her 'void time', in which she seems to have lapsed into subconscious limbo, might only be four weeks. She hasn't moved, so she hasn't been burning extra calories, and it seems like her body has gone into suspension, due to her lack of bodily waste." The Unicorn nodded at the still creature. "And being an Element of Harmony, especially one as powerful as magic, might have lowered her suspension time even further."

"Chances of living?"

He sighed with a shake of his head. "We can't move her in this state. If she struggles at all, we might lose her. We'll need supplements in liquid form and some form of sunlight. We'll have to treat her here, at least until she wakes up."

Twilight listened to their conversation with as much concentration as she could focus. She took a deep breath, feeling the stale air scratch her dry throat.

"I'm awake." She rasped. "I'm awake."

The general stared at her, mouth gaping, while the Unicorn seemed horrified beyond belief. The soldier from before was the first to take action. "Notepad, go find the medic and update him. Storm Front, go fetch Celestia." As the two galloped away, the young stallion, barely past colthood, Twilight noticed, lay down beside her. "Are you okay? Do you have feeling in your limbs?"

"I feel... tired." She whispered. "I want to sleep... but sleeping will... kill me."

"Why haven't you moved?"

"Because I want to die."

He ignored her counterbalanced emotions and set a hoof on her lower leg. "Can you feel that?"

"I can feel... all my legs."

"Anything you want."

"I want... Spike back."

He flicked an ear. "Is that why you don't want to live?"

"It's why I'm too tired to even cry anymore."

"We're going to help you, okay?"

She only moved one eye to look up at him, which would have been unnerving had either party cared. "It's not helping unless Spike comes back."

"Are you okay?"

"I haven't sent a friendship report this week! Celestia's gonna send me back to magic kindergarten!"

"Calm down! Remember last time? She said you only needed to send her a report 'when you learned about friendship'."

"But... maybe I did?"

"If you aren't sure, than you didn't. Go back inside."

Spike belched out a letter, kind of shocked. It had to have been weeks since he got letters from anypony. He unrolled it carefully, trying not to spear it on his newly-grown claws.

Dear Spike,

A problem has arisen with your move. Twilight Sparkle has fallen into depression and anorexia upon your leave. We believe this to be directly related to loneliness. She wishes to see you. Please come as soon as possible.

-Canterlotian Hospital

He read it over a few times. The words sank in slowly, like he was standing in quicksand.

"Twi...light... is... dying?"

With a surge of adrenaline, he charged out into the rain, wings snapping open and catching a quick updraft as he pivoted against the weather and lanced towards the mountains in the distance.

"Come one, come all, and be astounded by the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

"What's going on?"

Spike crossed his arms with a snort. "Sounds like a load of horseapples to me."

"Spike!"

"What? I'm being honest."

Twilight rolled her eyes and trotted up to her friends. "What's going on?"

"A fancy-shmancy fireworks show, that's what." Applejack muttered.

"Flying shiny lights!" Pinkie laughed.

"Someone who thinks she's better than me."

"That robe looks atrocious!"

"I'm sure she's quite nice..."

Spike growled. "Oh yeah. Normal day in Ponyville."

Nobody noticed Twilight shift her hooves quickly enough to severely jostle the young dragon on her back.

The purple Unicorn rolled over, wincing as the UV tubes pulled short. The nurse constantly by her side tapped her with a hoof.

"Please stay on your back, miss."

"Please leave me alone."

"I can't. I'm sorry, but I'm under strict orders from Princess Celestia to keep you from hindering your recovery."

"Oh, buck the Princess." Twilight growled. "Why couldn't you just let me die in peace?"

"I don't think you were at peace." A pony said, trotting in the small room. She was followed by four others. Twilight finally recognized her as Applejack. "You look pretty... uh... not nice."

"You look like my pet stick Twiggy!" Pinkie laughed, bouncing up beside the cot. "Except you're Twilighty!"

"I don't think this is a good time, Pinkie. The poor dear is in a lot of pain." Rarity reprimanded.

"The pain went away a long time ago." Twilight whispered.

Rainbow Dash looked awkward, with continuous glances at the low ceiling. "Don't go killing yourself. It's my job to do the bizarre tricks.

"Twilight...?"

The bedridden unicorn turned to look at her best friend, hiding shyly behind a lock of pink mane. "Yes?"

"Did you... think about us? When you were dying?"

She looked away again, unwilling to admit that she had only seen her friends in fleeting glimpses.

"No..."

"Because... well... if you want... um... we'll be here for you... *squeak*... no matter what... happens with Spike. Um... is that alright?"

"That's... fine."

"Spike! It's time for Nightmare Night! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I did. I've been yelling up the stairs for ten minutes now."

Twilight hurried down the stairs, trying not to trip on the hem of her robe. "Oh."

"Now come on. We're going to be late."

"HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE?!" Spike roared, his anger venting in volume and in the many shattered windows and pillars scattered around the room. "She sends you letters almost every day! How would you not notice when they stopped coming through?!"

"I do not use the public mail system, and did not know how long it would be between letters."

"Still! You could have checked on her! Did you not think that this would be hard for either of us?!" His tail swung again, shattering the nearest window and sending little Discord shards all over the room. "Did it never even cross your mind to ask..." The rage poured out of him, and he slammed into the ground, ignoring the pointy shards digging into his belly.

"I had no idea, Spike. I assure you I will do all in my power to bring her back to health." Celestia comforted, stepping down from her throne and flicking an ear to tell Luna it was safe to come out.

Spike opened one eye, fixing it's emerald glow on the Alicorn sisters. "Do you even know what it's like to lose someone you love?"

'It has been a long time we have lived. We have built ourselves walls to hide from the emotions of others. We have not been emotionally attached in millennia. We have lost the ability to feel pain." Celestia explained softly. Luna nodded in agreement, slipping out from behind her sister's throne.

"What about when you sent Luna to the moon?"

Celestia found herself trapped. She could lie, say that she had mourned for days. Or tell the truth - that she had not impaired her emotional den and had felt nothing, and risk losing her sister.

"Sis? You missed me, right?"

"I did what I had to do." Celestia whispered. "And I do not regret it."

Luna's eyes went wide and started to glisten before she turned and bolted away, withholding sobs.

Spike lifted himself off the floor, listening to some gash on his belly steadily dripping blood. "I pity you." He growled, before turning and leaving the ruined chamber, and the Alicorn within.

Maybe... I'll die. Twilight thought, surveying the empty room. The monitor beside her kept up it's steady pace. She wondered how long it would take somepony to react to the shrill screech of a flatline.

She looked up at the ceiling, seeing the bazillion glow-in-the-dark stars Pinkie had meticulously attached. Each one seemed to glow, as if covered in glitter... which, being Pinkie, Twilight wouldn't doubt.

She began slowly pulling out the thousands of tubes covering her body with her teeth, her final act of revenge. And a song floated into her head. A lullaby, really. One that she used to sing to Spike when he had nightmares.

"Don't you worry, darling dear,
the ghosts can't get you once you're here,
snuggle deep into my arms,
stay up late, and watch the stars.
They shimmer up there,
just for you,
lighting the night,
until it's through.
So put down your sleepy head,
and say goodnight to me
lie down in your warm, warm bed,
and dream your little dream."

She took a deep breath, ignoring the stinging pain from her needle wounds and the one cord still left in her chest. "Goodbye, Spike."

The nurse trotted back into the room, holding the plate of carrots Twilight had requested. The platter crashed into the ground almost instantly.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"How could you let this happen..." Spike whispered, lying amid the rubble from a single wall of the medical facility. In the palm of one paw was his mentor, his sister, lying fragile and still. He other claw ran gently through her hair, over and over. Celestia shook her head from inside, slowly picking up the insulation scattered around. Luna seemed more sympathetic, standing on the dragon's shoulder and rubbing his neck with her side.

"I did not know it was going to happen. There was nothing I could do." The Solar Princess said, her tone still somehow mutual.

Luna managed to speak before Spike could open his mouth. "There's always something we can do. You chose not to do it."

"Oh, really? How do you suppose we fix this?" Her tone did change, to a snap of contempt. "What can you do?"

"We can mourn." Luna whispered, her voice shaky. "We can think. We can hope that she is somewhere better. We can dream. We can pass on her story to new generations. We can know that she'll be flying in the clouds above our slumber. We can live out our lives in a state of calm remembrance. We can wish for the stars to open the wall between our hearts. We can trust in our souls she's been freed."

Spike had started crying a few sentences in. Celestia looked almost mortified that her sister had stood up to her so strongly.

"So... so be it." She whispered, teleporting away angrily.

"Did you mean... everything you said?" Spike whispered.

"All of it."

They looked down at the peaceful body of Twilight Sparkle, her muzzle still wearing the smile she had when the monitor had proved her leaving.

Luna gave the dragon one last nuzzle before teleporting away as well.

Spike set Twilight body back in her cot, with a feline grace. "Goodbye, Twilight. I miss you."

Epilogue

It was startlingly calm in the library. The air was still and muggy outside, while the inner sanctum was cool and shaded. Not a single noise was heard, inside or out. It seemed like the world itself was in mourning, with the birds silent as stones and the crickets little more than decoration.

The ponies in town were even less bright. Each wandered around with an aimless, sluggish gait, magic silent, wings resting in mourning. Nopony cared why Twilight Sparkle had left this world, only that she had gone.

The world was a quiet place.

Luna stared out the window, watching as the stars she strained so hard to make at night were unsympathetically obliterated by her sister's rising sun. The two Princesses had not spoken since Twilight's passing, and Luna was quite fine with that fact.

More than fine, actually.

She did not regret rebelling against her sister. She was actually pleased about that.

It was more...

Symbolic.

If they saw each other, somepony would notice their standoff. And report it to some newspony for a lot of money.

And maybe Celestia would reveal her surprising lack of feeling.

But, as luck would have it, she would probably blame it all on Luna. Because nopony cared that Luna had absorbed the Nightmare from Celestia in the first place and let herself be banished, no~oo. Of course not.

So Luna was content with being alone.

Spike hated the gravestone with a passion. It wasn't that it marked Twilight's death, or any of that. It was how it looked.

The round stone was topped with a spire in the shape of the Element of Magic. Fine.

But on top of that, it depicted Twilight rearing up, with a set of beautiful wings of the finest violet blown glass. Which would be fine, except he knew everypony else knew that she was Celestia's student. Which meant she was being compared to Celestia for having wings. Turned into Celestia, really.

Spike was still trying to figure out how much Twilight would have mattered if she wasn't a Princess's pupil.

But he loathed the inscription.

Twilight Sparkle
Lived a life full of friendship and happiness.

Fine.

Missed by her adopted brother, Spike, and her closest friends and family

Also fine.

Always in the heart of the dear Princess Celestia, who shall mourn for the loss forever.

THAT was what he hated. Not only did he know Celestia didn't give a horse-apple, there wasn't a mention of Luna, who was actually affected.

With a decisive snarl, a thin trail of fire licked over the stone, melting the final words into a smooth, unmarked surface.

Twilight would have enjoyed it.

Luna struggled against her sister's superior power, holding the sun on the horizon at just the right spot for an entire week.

For seven days, the heavens were lit with stars, and the sky around them was a deep purple.

The world mourned in a melodic chaos of sudden birdsong and cricket chirps, tuning themselves into a harmonic beat, somehow meeting in the middle of discordant notes, and flooding the quiet with cacophonous sound.

For seven days, a single purple unicorn was the last word on everyone's tongues, the silent end to a long reign of joy, and somehow, in that sad, broken moment...

...life had no regret.

---END---