Well, Pinkie, I can honestly say that if nothing else, this is certainly a... unique story. I'm honestly not sure what else to say about it.

W-what am I even looking at!? You went to the trouble of making a cover image... Is... is it moving? How the hay did you even... Okay, forget it, I'm not going to ask. I don't want to damage my eyes by looking at this picture for too long, so I'll just quickly note that you probably should have somehow printed the text out rather than writing it yourself, as it's kind of messy, hard to read, the text is off center, squished, and you spelled "illustrated" wrong. Also that weird watermark thing at the bottom covers up the end of your name.

I know I'm going to regret saying this, but let's move on to the story proper.

It was night. Pinkie Pie was alone in the bakery. Even though the Cakes were out of town at the baking competition, the kitchen still scented with the smell of sweetness and sugar!

Not bad scene setting; "scent" isn't traditionally used as a verb, and the exclamation point is probably unnecessary, but other than that it's not a bad start. Though you may want to consider not writing in pink. Pink words on a white background isn't exactly easy on the eyes.

And SEX!!

...It's all downhill from here, isn't it?

Even though she was the only pony populating the place, she didn't feel alone. There was something else in the bakery! It was MMMMM! Son of MMMM! Except not really the son of MMMM because cakes can't have babies. Well, Mr. an Mrs. Cake had babies. Two of them even! But they aren't really cakes, they're just called that. REAL cakes can't have babies. If they did the not-really-cake Cakes would be out of business and also we probably wouldn't eat cakes because eating something's baby is a bad thing, even if they are a cake.

Okay this is sort of a tangent that's rather irrelevant to... anything, really. It's entertaining, but you don't want to do this sort of thing too often or it'll slow the story down to a crawl.

Anyway, the MMMMM (Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness Mark 2! or Junior) was also in the bakery. Pinkie had baked it herself as a test of her skills. It looked delicious. Too delicious.

"MMMMM!" Pinkie said, licking her lips as she thought of how delicious it would taste. She could practically taste it already! She closed her eyes and imagined the feeling of her teeth sinking through the frosting and into the moist, mouthwatering middle!

Okay, the description of the sensations here is actually pretty good. I also like the alliteration; it makes the writing sound a bit more playful.

Oh, you illustrated it. That's... unique. I suppose it adds a bit to the story, although I'm sorry to say that I'm not sure your artistic ability doesn't quite match up to your baking ability. There's no perspective or background or anything. It's not even off because it's stylized. You don't need professional quality drawings, but you might want to draw a few practice pictures before putting the final version in the story.

The taste that she imagined was pretty good, but it was obvious that the real thing had to be even better. She leaned in close to the MMMMM, her snout nearly touching the frosting. The scent of sugary sublimity swept into her nostrils. Her tongue tingled and slid around the edges of her mouth. Her mouth watered at the thought of the smooth frosting filling it. Her moistened lips hovered mere inches away from the decadent delight. She breathed again, heavier, letting the lustrous scent wash over her. She felt goosebumps forming on her skin.

This is quite the... sensuous description of smelling a cake. Quite well written though, especially compared to what I've had to deal with lately. Although I should also note that this entire thing with the cake seems kinda pointless. You might want to shorten it and just get to the main plot.

She giggled as she thought about it. Goosebumps were silly. They didn't look like gooses at all. Or was it geese? Either way goosebumps didn't really have much to do with waterfowl. She wasn't sure why they were called that. It didn't make much sense.

Um, you also might want to consider trimming out some of these tangents. They don't really add anything.

The desire welling up within her bosom (and her stomach) began to overpower her. In an instant all semblance of self control vanished like a cloud bucked by a pegasus. Her head dipped forward. It was hardly a great bite. Barely a nibble even. A crumb of cake, a dab of frosting. Her tongue curled around the morsel, pressing it against the roof of her mouth, squeezing every last bit of wonderful flavor out of it.

Her heart thumped faster and faster as the frosting melted in her mouth. She swallowed, the bite of cake gliding own her throat. The velvety texture made her sweat! It was like she was in a sauna, only without the steam and fat, smelly ponies with bad BO! It lit a fire within her, the single bite acting like a spark, threatening to set her whole body aflame with longing for the MMMMM.

Well, that's quite something. You're certainly doing a good job of portraying how much she wants the cake. I'm not sure to what end, though. And the bit about the sauna kinda sticks out like a sore hoof. Describing a fat, smelly pony with bad body odor kinda ruins the image.

She couldn't resist the feeling any longer. She could barely restrain herself from diving headlong into the ooey-gooey goodness. No, she couldn't do that! She refused to lose herself in gluttonous hedonism!! Instead she stuck her tongue out, caressing one of the blobs of frosting that lined the edge of the cake!

Was it really necessary to draw a picture of yourself licking the cake? And with such a... lascivious expression. It's a bit uncomfortable. Also, the pattern of frosting on the cake is a bit different from the first illustration. You'll want to be careful to maintain the continuity between the images or it'll be distracting.

It was so sweet! It was if sugar had turned into a pony (a really really hot pony!) and kissed her tongue. Her mouth began to water. She couldn't imagine any feeling more pleasurable than that of the taste of the MMMMM. As her tongue flicked the tip of a frosting flower, a chill ran down her spine! The pleasurable tingle spread from her tongue to her lips. And from her lips to her cheeks! And from her cheeks to the rest of her face! An from the rest of her face down her neck! And from her neck down to her chest!!

Okay, we get it. The cake is delicious. Also listing all the body parts is unnecessary. For the first few things it's a bit clever, but after that it's just "okay, how many more of these are we going through. Just trim it to "from her tongue to her lips, to the rest of her body" or something.

And from her chest to her rump!! And from her rump down her tail and her legs! And from her legs to her hooves! And from her hooves back up her legs and then it hit her vajayjay!

Wait wait wait. What? Are you trying to tell me that you like cake so much that it sexually arouses you? That's... kinda strange. Then again, I guess by this point I shouldn't be surprised. All I can really say is that if you want this to be erotic, you should probably pick a better term for the female anatomy than "vajayjay". If this was a sex comedy that might work, but there's really no context in which "vajayjay" is really erotic.

One of her hooves began to move!!! It was as if she wasn't even controlling it! Like it was a robot hoof! With remote control! And the pony who had the remote control was a pervert! Her hoof moved between her legs. It began to poke and prod at her slit! It felt really good, obviously. She rubbed herself as she took a really big bite of the MMMMM!!! Both her mouth and her cooter trembled with pleasure as frosting smeared around her lips!

Oh wow, this took a.... weird turn. You should probably be more specific about which set of lips are smeared with frosting. Maybe specify which hoof she's using for what? Otherwise the reader might misunderstand it and think that she shoved a hoof full of cake up her vagina. Believe me, that is not an image most ponies would want. Then again, the idea that she's pleasuring herself to a cake is kinda weird in and of itself. I mean, I'm not really into stuff like bondage or exhibitionism either, but I can at least understand why somepony might find those things alluring. This is... I really don't know what to make of it. I guess I should just be glad you didn't draw a picture of this.

...I stand corrected.

She felt soooooooo good. The MMMMM tasted so delicious that the deliciousness went strait to her hoo-ha! Maybe her tongue was connected to her clit or something. She had a theory! Maybe the "G" in "tongue" stood for "g-spot!" BRILLIANT! So anyway, eating the cake was making her all hot and bothered, so she was masturbating as she savored the flavor. It was truly genius! Two of the best feelings ever!, slamming the clam and eating a delicious piece of cake!, combined forces like a combining robot of delicious sex!

Normally I'd complain about how you used exclamation points inside of a sentence, or how you used "slam the clam" un-ironically, but what really bugs me is that it'll be years before I'm able to eat a piece of cake without thinking of you pleasuring yourself. Thanks for that.

The burning in her loins was nearly too much for her to contain! Especially along with the decadent sweetness of the MMMMM on her tongue! Her heart was thumping so hard and her legs were beginning to wobble! The cake was so amazing in every way that she could no longer help herself!

This is... I'm not even sure what to make of this. It's certainly unusual, but then again fetishes usually are.

She leaped forward, catching the MMMMM in a madly lustful embrace!!!! Her body sank into the frosting as she ground her hips against the lowermost tier of the cake!! She humped furiously, feeling WAVES of pleasure from the cake! It squished and squashed and made all sorts of ooshy-gooshy sounds! It felt so good! The only way it could have felt better was if the MMMMM had a dick! But obviously it was a cake, so it couldn't have a dick because cakes don't have sexes. But maybe she could have made one for it! A chocolate covered banana would be perfect for that! She'd have to remember that for next time because then it would really be having sex with a cake!

"Oh MMMMM!" she cried in pleasure as she writhed against it, a mix of frosting and bodily secretions ran down her legs and thighs! "You're so SEXY! And so delicious!" Both cake and pony fell to the floor in an explosion of orgasmic sensations! She gasped as she humped the cake!

"Oh! OH!!!" She cried! "I'm coming! I'M COMING!! MMMMM!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed so loud somepony who lived all the way across town in a partially underground cottage probably heard her and thought "I wonder what that sound was? It sounded like somepony having an orgasm while having sex with a large baked good!" except that she would be too shy to think that sort of thing, so it would probably be more of an "oh my". Even though nopony else could hear her thoughts, so for all it mattered she could have thought "It sounds like one of my good friends is rubbing her vagina on a cake so hard that she just came!". But she was too shy and definitely wouldn't think that.

Pinkie, what are you... what...why?

...This is pretty much the last thing I ever wanted to see. I'm actually kinda glad that you aren't a more skilled artist.

But anyway, back to our valiant heroine! She had just come from the sensation of her furious grinding against the MMMMM joining forces with the succulent sweetness of the frosting and the delicate moistness of the cake itself. It was a pretty good orgasm. Well, all orgasms are, but this one was particularly good. She was able to keep it going for a quite a while, and it was pretty awesome. At least until she lost control of her bladder. In retrospect, she probably should haved used the little fillies' room BEFORE her conjugal visit to the MMMMM!

On the other hoof, if she had taken the time to exercise her Kegel muscles a bit more then maybe she could have held it for longer. And gotten an even better orgasm!! She'd have to get back to doing her Kegel exercises. But first she'd have to get her cooter-barbell back from her friend who had borrowed it. Pinkie never would have guessed that that particular friend would be interested in toning her vaginal muscles, but hey, sometimes your friends surprise you.

Wait, you mean that the thing you lent me wasn't just a regular weight!? Augh! I think I need to go and wash my... everything.

But seriously, those sorts of cooter exercises can really help strengthened your ability to hold it! If you have a sideways smile you should totally try them. Pinkie found that when she did them, that they increased her bladder capacity by roughly 14%. Unfortunately, she had been slacking off on her va-jay-jay training regimen and as a result she couldn't quite hold it in this time, because hey, orgasms are pretty much synonymous with complete and utter loss of bodily control. So she pee-peed as she had the orgasm. Which she had gotten from humping the cake.

This- this is... I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. It's just so... I don't even know. "Pee-peed"? Really? It's just so... juvenile. This entire thing... just... what?

Okay, I'm done. Can't take any more of this. Throwing my hooves up and walking away. Just... here's an illustration of my own.

Okay, I'm back, having taken quite a bit of time doing anything to get that picture out of my brain. Don't get me wrong, if you have a fetish for cakes or peeing on cakes, or whatever; it's not my place to tell you it's wrong or anything. That's not what I'm saying. But you can't go springing that sort of thing on other ponies without warning! Everypony has different types of things that they're comfortable with, and things that they find gross, and honestly, I personally find the idea of having sex with a cake and then peeing on it to be rather offputting. I can't come out and say that there's anything wrong with it (so long as you clean up afterward, I guess). But still, I wish you would have given me some indication what was coming. But I'll try to put that aside for the moment and give some actual advice. Although I'll be doing it from memory, because I don't think I can take those illustrations again.

First of all, you actually have some pretty dynamic prose here. You vary the word choice enough, it flows well, and it actually displays a good amount of energy. The actual description of the... pleasure is a bit short, but what you have is pretty good. You also do a fairly good job of escalating the level of explicitness rather than jumping right to orgasms or taking forever to get anywhere. In that regard the pacing is actually pretty good. Better than I would have expected, honestly. There's definitely a unique flavor to the tone of the story and it's... memorable, to say the least. So you kinda succeeded.

On the other hoof, there are a quite a few issues. First off, the pink text is just hard to read; at the very least you should change it to a darker shade that contrasts more with the paper. Second, the pictures are... lacking. If you're going to illustrate the story, you really should put some effort into it rather than just scribbling some stuff out in two minutes. Even if the prose is amazing, the images, being a visual medium, tend to stick in the mind more, so you want them to be something that's going to make a good impression. They don't have to be detailed or extremely realistic; you can always stylize them, but it needs to be a valid stylistic decision rather than a doodle. If you don't feel comfortable getting somepony else to draw them for you (although I doubt that you'd care much), you might want to at least do a few practice drawings and take your time making them. Also, it wouldn't be a bad idea to include a background in your drawings to set the scene more. Nothing fancy, just a window or wall or something.

Now then, the prose. Aside from the absurd amounts of exclamation points (which you should really scale back), you have all sorts of extra meandering sections that start rambling about things that aren't related to the rest of the story. They're amusing, but they basically grind the story to a halt to talk about stuff that the reader probably doesn't care much about. If you were writing a purely comedic story, it might work, but if you want this to be arousing at all you'll have to dial it back a bit. I'd recommend picking one or the other (humor or sensuality) and aim for that rather than trying to juggle the two of them. It's possible to have both, but it can be tricky.

There's more I could say about this, but I think most of that is probably better left unsaid. I think I'm going to go read something else now before my brain leaks out of my ears. Maybe a nice phonebook.

Author's Note

Goosebumps actually get their name from the resemblance to goose skin. Obviously this etymology doesn't make much sense for ponies, since they probably don't pluck geese very often, and they have coats that cover their skin so they couldn't see the bumps anyway. Hence Pinkie's confusion.

Oh, and also Pinkie fucks a cake. You all should totally have seen that coming.

Also, I have no idea whether or not ponies have Kegel muscles, but I figure that given their biology is so far removed from real world ponies that it really doesn't matter.

Also also, this one is a lot less about writing advice and a lot more about me just screwing around and seeing how absurd a clopfic written by Pinkie would be.