The Doom That Came To Ponyville.

After the initial bout of hugging, squeezing, and otherwise general physical greeting, Shub-Niggurath was utterly confused.

"So, why are you here, exactly? Furthermore, why are you so...low down?"

Derpy huffed. "I like this place. It's very nice. Is that so wrong?"

The taller pesudopony let out an exaggerated gasp.

"My word, you, out of all of us, taking a vacation. How long have you had this avatar, anyway?"

Derpy's face scrunched up in thought. "One hundred and twenty six thousand, three hundred and eighty one hours, and fifty one minutes."

The other god noticed that her brother's eyes rolled around oddly, and winced internally. He was never good with making bodies for himself.

"Ah, not to long at all. But there in lies the question about why you are here. Surely there are other realms in the universe that interests you more than this collection of cheerful colors and brightness?" She frowned. "And why such a weak body as well? Surely a stumpy winged equine is not of your tastes? At the very least, something like one of the winged horned ponies-"

"They have names, sister." said the mailmare nasally. The taller pony blinked.

"My word, you have gone native." she said softly, amused and slightly shocked.

"Hush. I do, in fact, have a reason for being as plain as I am currently. This world is quite deadly."

The other elder god stared at her brother-cum-husband.

"It seems to me that this world is hardly deadly, brother. Perhaps so much time viewing the world from the eyes of a chubby equine has clouded your thoughts."

Derpy snorted. "Hardly. You ran into something strange on your way here, didn't you?"

"There was a rather elephantine creature, but it is dead now."

The grey mare sighed, and locked both her eyes on hir sibling. "Nevermind. To put it into words that you can understand, sister, you are late to the party. Everyone you could possibly think of is already here."

The tall unicorn took a step back. "What do you mean by that?"

"I have been here for a short time, but nearly everyone else is here. The whole family, and most of the other one's."

The unicorn paused. "When you say this, you really mean everyone?"

The grey pony nodded her head. The other blanched.

"Mother?"

"Ask Luna."

"Nar-Nar?"

"What." the pegusi said flatly.

"Whatever he calls himself these days, it's hard to tell." the unicorn said dismissively.

"You should already know one of his avatars here is trapped in stone up in Canterlot." Derpy said, agitated.

"The big castle?"

"Yes."

"What about Baset?"

"Sent a servant down here, got addicted to a drug."

"A pity. Dagon?"

"You actually care if one of them set up shop here?" Derpy said spitefully.

"You brought it up."

"Fair enough."

The grey pony gathered her thoughts, and smirked.

"There's a Hoofsmouth and a Hornsmouth."

"You jest."

"Where did you think those Sea Ponies came from?"

"But...they looked so cuddly." the tall unicorn said distantly.

"Yes they did. They still do."

"Nevermind that. Nodens?

"Came down a thousand years ago or so before mother arrived, got distracted with a bunch of glittery ponies. Very sad."

"There are ponies that glitter?"

"Yes, but they are gone now. City sent to a far off prison-plane or another, not due for another year or so."

"Speaking of that, before you ask, I had nothing to do with that goat-necromancer. I am sure of it."

"Not one of mine, either."

"The Heart of Darkness?"

"Not mine, either. The centaur, though? Entirely our brothers fault."

"The pig women?"

"Might be native, along with her minions."

"The lava creature?"

"There was a lava creature?"

"Presumably, yes. I think there was a penguin and a shadow-eating cloud as well, but I haven't been here for a very long time."

"Ah."

Both of the figures stood there for a few moments.

"What of him?"

"He was already here when I arrived."

"But he never takes a physical form. How could he, even." The other god hissed.

"Don't worry; he is not remotely close to this village. I pity you if he comes here and finds you, however."

"How did he deal with our brother?"

"He's in a very weak avatar, you understand, much like I am. I would think the ones that know it best believe it to merely be utterly mad."

"So it's less of a puppet and more of a living window into this world?" Shub-Niggurath questioned.

"Mostly. It still breaks reality, but it has friends in this world that keeps it in check."

"Does our host know?"

"Your host. And no, I doubt they do. If they did, I suppose that they would have to move the ponies again."

"Why did they have to move?"

"You know the place they used to live?"

"Yes?"

"Ithaqua moved in, with children."

Shub-Niggurath swore in a tongue that would cause lesser minds to shatter.

Derpy laughed slightly.

A groan was heard from the tree house, and two winged forms launched themselves out of a high window.

Derpy stopped laughing.

"Tell me you didn't..."

"Yes."

"You do realize that any children you produce here will be culled with prejudice by the sisters, yes?"

"Do you think I care? I had sex three times even before entering this village."

"You must be joking."

"I am."

"Ah."

"Four, actually. Do you know that forest has wolves made of wood? Wood! They make the cutest squeaks!"

Yog-Sothoth swore.

....

Deep under Canterlot Castle, there is a chamber. It is protected by spells weaved by Celestia herself, and is, thanks to the benefits of Alicorn magic being able to force reality to sit down and shut up, was larger than it was outside it.

This chamber held most of the magic items in Equestria, which was deemed prudent after a census discovering that more than eighty percent of the evil conquering lunatics that attempted to usurp the princesses throne were influenced or was a magical item.

Hence, they were gathered up and sealed behind a door that could only be unlocked by a member of royalty.

Unfortunately for Equestria, Blueblood is royalty.

"Azure, I insist you hurry up." the prince said, hair slightly wild and eyes nigh-bloodshot.

The other unicorn was not eager to wander the hazy halls of display cases and locked boxes. The fact the roof on the room was high enough to have weather patterns and the wind in the room was very cold was part of this, but it was also accented by the pure palatable evil emanating from all directions.

"Of course, my prince, but what are we looking for, exactly?"

"A very rare object, said to have been brought from camel lands." he said triumphantly.

Azure looked at the case closest to her right. "It wouldn’t be the...Mask of Lies, would it?"

The prince continued to briskly walk down the hall.

"The Capricorn Eye Fountain?"

Nothing.

"The Crown Jewels of Unicornia?"

Nothing.

"The Fluffleara?"

Nothing.

"The Horn of the Bale Taurus?"

Nothing. Still.

"A map of Bordar, signed by Sowron?"

Nothing.

"The...Red Spear of Lord..Death...Dispoil?" she squeaked.

He kept walking, and she ran for a few moments to keep up with him.

"The Crown of Gun'thar?"

Nothing.

"The Portal of Eternal Spiders?"

"No." he said, voice hard.

She kept quiet, and shrieked slightly when one of the cases closest to her rattled slightly as she passed.

"My prince, should we be here?"

"It is my right as a member of the royal family. If anything, you should not be here."

"Oh. Sorry, my lord."

"Be quiet, you harpy."

Taken aback, she stayed quiet.

A few moments later, the acting ruler of Equestria stopped and turned at a very old looking case, bound with several layers of yellow tape and arcane seals, which quickly proved useless as he took the case off and threw it down the hall.

"Yes, this is it!" He all but screamed in a very un-Blueblood manner.

Hesitantly, she took the bait.

"What is it, sir?"

Wild eyed, he lifted a very dusty old book out of the box.

Azure wasn't sure, but she swore that the book was leather, and, more distressingly, had the faint impression of several pictures embedded in its dried exterior that was presumably not made with paint.

"This, my dear," said the cracked acting king of Equestria, "is the Neighcronomicon!"

....

"So, that happened." said Applejack.

Rarity nodded, still lying on the other side of the bed.

"Why, yes it did. I don't suppose you remember how we got here, do you?"

The farm mare shrugged.

"No idea. One moment ah was in Twilight's house, and next I was, err, in my bed. I guess you followed me here."

"Do you think it could be because of her friend?" the white unicorn said, concerned.

"Haven't gotten that far yet, sugercube. It's seems like it is, though, cause with her being a fertility goddess and such." she said vaguely.

"Fair enough. Applejack, I must say, and I cannot stress this enough, however, that I have no id-"

"It's nearly morning, probably. Big Mac's out with Granny in Mooisville, and Apple Bloom has a play date. Want to talk this over breakfast? With cider?" the orange mare said simply.

Her bedmate paused.

"That would be lovely."