The Doom That Came To Ponyville.

by Pokonic

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 10834

A old friend of the Celestial Sisters stays with Twilight at Luna's request. Unfortunatly for Ponyville, that old friend is Shub-Niggurath., The Black Goat In The Woods With A Thousand Young.

Princess Luna asks Twilight to let a old friend stay at the treehouse for a while. (Un)fortunatly for Ponyvilles singles scene, said friend is a disguised Shub Niggurath, and is only interested in using the sleepy town to test her….matchmaking powers. Can Twilight keep a bored Great Old One from turning her home into a giant cuddleorgy while keeping herself from going mad?

Nope.

Warning: Contains maid outfits, Scootabuse, Great Old Ones, Derpy Hooves, dead cities, blatant disregard for editing, and little planning for what will happen next.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-30 00:27:15 UTC

It Begins

Within the dining room of Canterlot Castle, the Sisters were quarreling.

Loudly.

This was somewhat assisted by Celestia’s expert use of the Royal Canterlot Voice, which was powerful enough that, sans Luna and herself, it was actually only hearable by five ponies in the kingdom and several kinds of oceanic mammals.

Well, Candace might have had a decent idea on what was going on, considering her crystal wine glass shattered into tiny crystally bits, spilling the expensive crystal grape wine onto the crystal floor to be cleaned up by a Crystal pony with a crystal mop.

However, the far more obvious cause of the noise was Luna’s own R.C.V, which caused, amongst other things, a mass suicide from half the noble kitchenware in the room and five minor rebellions within the capital itself.

Then again, all were stopped within six minutes of each other.

Blueblood, while at least somewhat intelligent, had legendarily horrible intuition on matters relating to the government.

Luckily, despite the general fears on what might result from the two bickering; this one did not involve obscenely powerful objects of magic, threats of worldly obliteration, or cake. Rather, it involved a tiny letter in Luna’s magical grip.

The letter was a tasteful cream color, and had a distinctive purple swirl emblazoned on it. Said letter, in Celestia’s opinion, was a cursed thing worthy of sending off to a rock-based fate. Perhaps something involving gravel.

Mostly because who it was from. The letters S. N were a clue for the clueless observer.

After several moments of collecting there collective breaths and thinking of ways to explain the minor tremors to there collective subjects, Celestia began to speak to Luna in a quite tone she would normally reserve for escapees from Tartaurus and disobedient students.

“Luna, do you know what you have done!?”

The second-youngest alicorn in existence gave her older sister a cheeky grin.

“Of course, dearest sister! I have invited an old friend to come to Equestria!”

Celestia, in a rare act of aggressiveness, stole the letter from Luna’s shimmering hold.

“Luna, there is a reason that we do not talk to them any more!” she said as she gave the little piece of paper a dirty look.

The lunar princess tilted her head. “Sister, merely because we have lost touch with them does not mean we cannot still be friends.”

Celestia, Sun Princess of Equestria, sighed. “We lost touch with them for a reason, Luna. A very good reason. Just because one of them decided to come closer to our spot in the universe does not mean you can invite one for a party.”

Luna gave a little high-pitched chuckle, one honed only in ways an immortal can hone something specifically to annoy her dear older sister in the most annoying way allowed by the laws of the universe.

“But sister, just because they might be bad company for you might not mean they are bad company for me.”

Celestia’s noble brow muscles tightened uncontrolably.

“Besides, sister, I knew you would protest to me inviting even the most discreet avatar of dear Shubby to Canterlot-”

“Knowing that the resulting chaos of a Outer God manifesting in Canterlot would almost certainly result in her dear uncle in our garden waking up and uncontrollable devastation across the world.”

Luna gave Celestia a dark glare, which caused a overwhelming feeling of guilt wash over her.

Luna took a little bit of dark pleasure at holding that card against her whenever possible.

“Anyway, sister, I have already made plans for her arrival, seeing that we will not be there to greet her.”

Celestia made a face akin to an elderly seizure sufferer being struck by lighting in the middle of a Grand Mal.

Luna tisked. “Oh, dearest sister, do not be so apprehensive! I have it all planned out. Besides, it is nearly time for your royal vacation, and I have had a trip booked for the Baahamas. Your favorite, I know, I have checked the history books.”

The dogged Sister stopped showing her visible apprehension to the idea, and instead settled for bottling it up deep inside.

The Baahamas were nice this time of year, after all. And it’s not like Equestrian society would collapse without her for two weeks, right?

“Luna,” Celestia said carefully,” you know that Shub-Niggurath will almost certainly cause chaos if she stays for even a week in Canterlot. Even if I would enjoy a vacation, I doubt you would be foalish enough to let even the least of her avatars spend a day here, let alone your proposed two weeks. And I hope you were not planning on bringing her to our little tropical vacation. ”

Luna never stopped smiling. “Sister, she’s not staying in Canterlot. Or with us, for that matter.”

Celestia’s brow rose again for the umpteenth time that night. “Pardon, Luna?”

“You see, sister, I have this all planned out. I understand she might need some help in getting used to ponyfolk, much like I did, so I advised her to take on her most mild of forms and personas and learn there ways before becoming too...brash.”

Celestia felt slightly better about the whole situation. Slightly.

“Oh, dearest Luna, I suppose I have mistrusted you judgment. However, even if she is as mild and as, forgiving the pun, tamed as you claim, I must wonder where you plan on her to stay for the next two weeks.”

“Oh, sister, I do hope that she can learn about the magic of friendship the same way I did when I first truly let myself open to the public. That's why I gave her the directions for Twilight's library! I have already sent the letter to Spike, I assure you.”

The tiny letter, a few seconds later, suddenly found itself in the heart of the sun.

One could imagine Luna laughing madly as Celestia attempted to murder her with a blunt object, but in fact Celestia, in her divine wisdom, settled on a glass shard from one of the mosaics in the hall.

......................................................................................................................................................

Meanwhile, a dark figure slowly trotted out of the dark heart of the Everfree Forest, heading for the household of one Twilight Sparkle in the vague form of a pony.

Or at least she believed it was a pony. How many horns did Luna say they normally had, again?

Ehh, it probably didn't matter, in the long run.

The Guest at The Doorstep

Twilight Sparkle was puzzling over a pile of scrolls she found near a very tired Spike. Not that scrolls were anything to puzzle over, only Celestia knew how many she has sent, but rather it was the distinct otherness that the letter represented.

Now, she knew of the Night Court. Luna had made it very clear to any pony willing to discuss matters with her to come and visit during the hours it were open. In fact, the librarian noted, she was there at the very first one in a thousand years.

There were three others besides her, with the other two being a disgruntled Luna, a very sleepy Celestia, and one of the bat-ponies that served the princess of the night who was probably just trying to roll in the overtime.

But even with the oddly shimmering black letter before her, even with the striking image of a emerald dragon eye on the front reminding her to report to Celestia that Luna needs to know that that unfortunate shade of green strikes up images that are generally of the world-endy sort, was not her main concern.

Rather, it was the contents of the letter that sent a wave of emotions through her.

It was confusion, delighted shock, neurotic glee, and mild horror in that order.

Dear Twilight Sparkle

It is to my pleasure that I shall alert you that I have an assignment for you.

A very old friend of mine shall be arriving to your doorstep, and she is in dire need of your assistance. She is, as is the current saying, from a different era, the era in this case being the one before my sister was weaned. She is coming to Ponyville incognito under the impression that you are simply her room and board for two weeks time.

However, your true goal is to teach her on the magic of friendship, much like you have done for me. She is dearly out of touch with the world, to the point that I fear at times this is a folly and she must be expelled from Equestria at haste. However, I have faith in you.

My friends name is Shrub, but that is not her true name. I insist that you only talk about what she herself brings up and do not press her for details on the past. I shall make it known that she is far closer to such beings as Discord than to myself or my sister, but she is truly neither draconequus nor alicorn. She should arrive within the hour you get this note.

I have included all of the friendship letters you have written for my sister with this notice. I do believe she would find it helpful for your quest. My apologies to Spike.

I would also find it prudent to alert you that in distant times she was worshiped as a fertility goddess, and that her general portfolio of powers might include the following: Shape shifting, forcible bodily transformation, mind magic, plant control, animal control, summoning, and quite possibly every forbidden spell in the Darkmane section of the Canterlot Library. She’s stopped by once, you see, and that section should be named after her rightfully.

Also, I would suggest that she is to be kept indoors as much as possible and to not expose her to any creature that might agitate or annoy her. Try and keep contact with ponies outside of your circle brief.

Also, do not attempt to contact either me or my sister for two weeks time.

Your Other Royal Majesty.

Twilight looked at the letter again.

And again.

She looked at the scroll pile.

Sighing deeply, she slapped herself in the face with a hoof.

After a few minutes, she came to the conclusion that she was not in a horrific nightmare.

Frankly, she would prefer facing the Night Mare again.

…....

Outside of Ponyville, there was a dark figure trotting through the Everfree.

It was small, and bundled in a little robe that bulged at odd angles at times. It did not so much trot through the forest so much as glide, at a second glance, considering that trotting implied the use of four legs in a manner reminiscent of a horse.

Rather, the figure glided through the brush, as if the plants simply passed through it.

On closer inspection, it did.

Only once did a creature try and kill it.

It was elephantine in form, with a body made of stone and bone and magical either, and had the head that resembled what a great bird would look like if you removed the eyes and replaced them with smaller beaks, and replaced the beaks with toothed proboscises. It ruled that part of the Forest since the first saplings within it were sprouting, and it had felled dragons and worse in defense of its territory. It had haunted the forest since Discord was ruler of the land.

Within moments of raising a great pillar-like leg to crush the cloaked figure, it shattered into smoking black shards of nothing that bubbled and blackened whatever unfortunate thing touched them.

The forest was quiet for a long time after that.

She figure just trotted along and grinned.

…..

The library resembled the aftermath of a political revolution.

….

Blueblood stared glumly at the royal guards standing in front of his cell, counting down by the minute the two-week period he was sentenced to be over.

It was just a tiny attempt to overthrow his aunts, after all.

….

Books on every subject readily available to Twilight were scattered on the floor. Furthermore, much of Applejack’s snack cabinet, Fluttershy’s tea collection, Rainbow Dash’s headache reliever, and Rarity’s soothing candles were placed haphazardly around the room.

Pinkie was on vacation with her family, and would not be back in two weeks. Twilight was torn between laughing and crying at that.

Rarity tisked at Twilight using a friendship letter as a tissue and gave her a lily-white hanky instead.

….

Celestia looked on with barely repressed glee at the beach. Luna just gave it a weary glare.

While Celestia assured her otherwise, she still expected a sea-serpent to try and eat her.

….

“But what if I forget something! Or forget if I forgot it!” Twilight whimpered.

“Don’t worry; it’s probably going to be fine. Besides, Twilight, her name is Shrub. She’s probably a very nice pony who loves nature and animals, but is scared because she's not used to the hustle and bustle of pony life.” said Fluttershy.

A mild rustling of paper and the beat of wings alerted everypony in the room that Dash was finished reading the letter.

….

Blueblood wondered if asking his other aunt the day before yesterday if she had any old friends in a fit of mild displeasure would actually have any consequences later on.

“Ehh”, the prince decided, “probably not”.

...

“Hey guys, what’s a fertilitwhatever?”

Applejack groaned and buried her face into her hat.

….

Celestia sighed contentedly and sipped at a little expensive fruity drink that cost more than what the average pony in Equestria made in a year.

Luna, on the other hand, had discovered that there was, in fact, a sea-serpent in the general area of the bay, and was attempting to hunt it down and harvest its facial hair.

….

The figure briskly walked into Ponyville’s town market. Several ponies stopped to gawk at the figure, but eventually got over the oddity as just another fact of life.

That is, until somepony noticed Zecora in the market, which caused the collective citizens of the little town to bring a collective gaze to the silent figure walking among them.

It could have continued like that, too, if it were not for the involvement of Apple Family Values.

Applebloom, ignorant of the fears of every other pony in the market, waved in the general direction of the figure.

“Hey there, wanna buy some apples?”

The figure stood ramrod straight and slowly turned to the general direction of the little yellow filly with the produce cart.

Eventually, a distinctively unequine voice that reminded some of the gathered townsfolk a bit too much of the entity that crashed the Summer Sun festival two years ago burbled up from the cloak’s occupatiant.

“Would I!”

Smiling, Apple Bloom watched the pony take off its hood.

Her facial expression quickly went ridged, then, ever so surely, became downcast.

To a frown, at first, than a pleading quivering. Eventually, it became a look of primal open-mouthed horror akin to one gets when confronted with a harsh truth of reality, the one in case being “You are a speck in the cosmos, and in the end your life is worth nothing other than what amusement it could bring the lords of the universe.”

Meanwhile, as tradition foretells, the rest of the town was sent into hysterics. Zecora cursed frightfully in her native tongue and began fleeing to her home, and was followed by no small amount of ponies.

Several stalls collapsed with no apparent cause, and in just a few moments the only creatures outside in Ponyville was a pony and something that tried to look like one but was apparently failing miserably.

Shub-Niggurath took a one of the apples from the stall as she left, leaving a shaking wide-eyed filly with a few new mental issues behind her.

She took a bite of the apple.

She grinned.

It was wonderful.

….

“Thanks girls, I couldn’t do this without you all.”

A general nod of agreement went through the gathered Stable Elements of Harmony.

“Twilight, she’s probably okay, I am sure anypony Luna knows has to be pretty alright.”

Twilight sighed. “I know, Spike, but-”

The distinct sound of Ponyvillians screaming cut into the conversation like a knife.

Before anypony in the room could react, the distinct sound of hoof-on-door echoed from the other side of the library entrance, which crushed what was left of the conversation like a blunt object.

The ponies in the room gave each other knowing looks.

Spike spoke up first. “Maybe it’s not related.”

Twilight groaned. “Of course it’s related, Spike. It’s always related.”

The door was knocked on again.

Fluttershy, at this point, had fled the room and had flittered somewhere to hide, while Rarity levitated Spike in front of her face to use as a shield.

Dash, unsurprisingly, decided to take one for the team and opened the door.

“Hey there, welcome to Ponyville!”

Her irises quickly shrunk, and she fainted in a way that would have made the local fashionista impressed if it were not for the face full of dragon spine she was looking at.

Which was understandable.

The pony at the doorway was clearly not a pony. Yes, the pitch-black coat was mostly right, and the dusky hair was also spot-on. It had four hooves and a tail. Its eyes, while a fascinating swirly not-color akin to a mix of purples, greens, and blacks, were also of pony origin.

However, ponies do not have thickly-set pairs of curled horns dominating the sides of there heads, nor mouths of sharp teeth.

“Oh, hello there, fellow equine!”

Dash did not respond, being unconscious. Spike had his eyes shut. Applejack began humming to herself, dead to the world as she slowly rocked in place.

Twilight took a careful look at her guest, and began to weep.

The Shipper in The Dark

“Oh Twi-light dear, can you get me one of those fantastic box’s filled with frost please?”

Twilight Sparkle, student of Celestia, master mage, and bearer of the Element of Magic, was a servant in her own home.

The worst thing was that she did not have a choice in the matter.

Her guest was obscene, ignorant of the basic customs of civility, frequently shifted her form in unnatural ways, and was some sort of elder deity from beyond history that Luna thought was a good friend.

Twilight could only wonder what the younger princesses considered “friendship” a few thousand years ago.

“Shrub, it’s called ice-cream. And you are not supposed to eat the box.”

The horror beyond time was currently spending her time lying around the house eating whatever she could and doing utterly nothing. Twilight gave up trying to teach the creature what friendship was after she performed an act on Fluttershy that would probably require a therapist to make her get over it. She was content with keeping the creature satisfied for the time being by letting it lounge around and consume her quickly dwindling kitchen supplies faster than Pinkie Pie on a sugar binge.

Said horror behind time and space was in the dining room, currently smaller than a foal and missing the more unnatural parts that she came in with, finishing off a fork. It paid more attention to the cardboard box in the Twilight’s magical grip, and frowned slightly.

“Why can you not eat the box? It’s perfectly edible.” the elder god said innocently as it corroded the poor tableware with some unholy substance in the side of her mouth.

Twilight forced a rictus grin, and brought her guest the sixth tub of ice cream she’s asked for that day.

…..

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were holed up in there clubhouse, and they were bored.

To be exact, Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo were bored. Spike was sleeping in a corner and Apple Bloom was staring at one of the walls.

Sweetie Bell, tired of making paper hat’s, poked Apple Bloom on the shoulder.

“Come on, let’s go do something A.B!”

The little filly just stared into space.

“It will not matter in the end. Our lives our meaningless, for we are just tiny dots of ignorance afloat in the black seas of infinity.”

Sweetie Bell shared a look with Scootaloo. Frankly, it was more about the lack of accent she had than what she was actually saying.

“Come on, Apple Bloom, we need to do something! I mean, look at us! Spikes in the corner sleeping and you have been staring at that wall for about a hour now!” said Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom turned to her fellow crusaders. Her expression had not changed since she arrived from the market. Her fellow Crusaders found her in the clubhouse before they arrived, just staring at the wall.

Sweetie Bell half-wondered if she went home last night. Then again, last night was rather fuzzy for her herself. She just remembered her sister arriving late and, after a few moments of rampaging through the house, falling asleep in a little nest of ripped cloth.

Scootaloo just remembered falling asleep outside of Rainbow Dash’s house, which was curiously absent of Rainbow Dash that night. But the cloud-houses roof was just as cozy as ever.

However, the bow-tied filly turned around to look at her fellow Crusaders in the face for the first time that day.

Scootaloo’s eyes widened, but Sweetie was curiously apathetic.

She’s seen more strung out ponies. Like her sister, for example.

“Girls, I know what we can do.”

Scootaloo’s wings twitched, and Spike began mumbling to himself.

“What’s that, Apple Bloom?” said Sweetie Bell.

For the first time that day, Apple Bloom changed her expression.

Scootaloo began to feel as if a great weight was being placed upon her. Sweetie Bell just raised an eyebrow.

A tiny smirk did not flatter the youngest member of the Apple Family well.

“We can start a cult.”

Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo shared a look of confusion. Apple Bloom just made an uncharacteristic chuckle.

“Don’t worry girls; we could get our cutie marks. Cutie Mark Crusader Cultists, girls?”

Scootaloo liked the sound of it, albeit with some amount of confusion about what a cult was and how they could get there cutie marks with becoming them. But her friend did sound confident....

Sweetie was unsure of what a cult was, but it sounded neat.

“Where do we start, AB? And what is a cult, anyway? Do they make forks?”

Scoot was about to say something, but Sweetie quickly followed up. “You know, Scoot, cutlery. Like forks and stuff.”

She did not, having a D- in writing, but she kept that to herself and nodded.

Apple Bloom just looked amused in a very un-Apple Bloomish way.

“It’s not, Sweetie Bell, but I can tell you what it is on the way to the library.”

Scootaloo lost her there. “The library?”

Apple Bloom nodded. “ Yeah, the library. I saw a book there the last time I visited that I had no idea what it was about, but I think I know what it is now. I think we might need it.”

The trio looked at one another for a few moments, but Spike’s snoreing cut into the quiet.

“Cutie Mark Crusader Cultists, away!”

….

Meanwhile, on a tropical island, Celestia discovered that her wonderful little ponies created a few new massaging methods since her last vacation. Some of which had Neighponese origins. Out of those methods, she was currently enjoying one in particular that was known for involving oil.

On what may as well have been another world, which was actually just on the other side of the island, Luna discovered a isolated tribe of hoof-sized equines who worshiped her as a god, and was in the middle of restructuring there government into a communistic haven and teaching them to speak with a Stalliongradish accent.

….

In the Crystal Castle's scrying chamber, Shining Armor was overlooking his technical relatives debauchery with something akin to mild shame, while Candace was secretly daydreaming about dozens of tiny equines giving her oil massages.

She decided to bring it up during lunch.

….

Rainbow Dash still snored soundly in Twilight’s second-floor guest room.

Unknown to all but one other in the house, however, so did Fluttershy.

Then again, Fluttershy’s snores resembled that of a tiny rodent’s, so it did not wake Dash up.

Even when they were practically cuddling each other in the bed.

It was pretty adorable.

….

Shub-Niggurath was slightly disappointed by her host, but she reminded herself it had only been a day since she had arrived and it was still morning.

Then again, she knew that the girl had somehow subdued Nyarlathotep’s avatar on the plane and somehow incased it in stone, so there was some reason to fear her.

However, she eventually stopped caring and decided to abuse her power for giggles.

She thought the maid outfit was a nice touch, but she wondered in the back of her mind why she had it in the first place.

….

Twilight was on auto-pilot by now. She had to be, lest her self-esteem suffer the indignantly of knowing that she had been forced into one of Rarity’s specialty “presents” as she practically groveled for her guest. She swore Shrub was gazing at her rump when she thought Twilight would not notice.

Or, perhaps, to her own personal horror, she did not care if Twilight noticed or not.

It was going to be a long day.

….

Shub-Niggurath giggled to herself.

She believed she had the right to, anyway.

She placed two of the winged ponies together in the same bed with a little mental nudge and she was causing Twilight to feel paranoid that she was watching her rump.

For the record, she was, and it was a fantastic experience.

The entire planet seemed more polished since the last time she was here, which she figured was part of Celestia’s general rule. The ponies seemed far more huggable since the last time she was here as well, with less prominent snouts and looking chubbier in general. There was also a distinct lack of humans, too, but she was okay with that.

The coven of witch’s who summoned her last time was a useless lot, and she never heard from them again after they summoned that Shoggoth to flood that little valley. Good riddance, too, she hated there singing anyway.

Speaking of pony folk, she finally settled on a single base form for her stay. She decided to drop the ram horns, but keep the cloven hooves, and settled on a long wispy tail with a little puff of ebon hair at the end.

She wondered about the body, but settled on something like a giraffe, with long legs and a simple mane down her long, elegant neck. She supposed she could have kept the horn below two cubits, but if she was going to be a unicorn, she was going to be an impressive unicorn.

Then again, she could have done her form-shifting in private, as Twilight apparently found the process grotesque. She wasn’t even calmed down by being alerted that this was how unicorns from her most common haunting grounds were said to look like.

Pity. At least the maid outfit was intact.

“Mail call, Twilight!”

Wait, who was that outside?

Past the hyperventilating purple unicorn, past the wooden door, was one of those winged ponies. It was grey, and had blond hair.

It was also very familiar.

When she opened the door to say "hello, towns pony, how are you doing, sorry about causing a minor riot and why do I think I know you", she barely got out the second syllable.

It was stopped by a squeal of joy.

From herself.

Sure, it was very faint, but it was surely who she thought it was.

She could tell from the shifting iridescent spheres on her rump.

The pony in her tight hug-grip also gave in to the hug, albeit with some hesitation, and focused both of its wobbly eyes on her.

“Hello, dear.” she said in an unearthly monotone that was very uncharacteristic of Derpy Hooves, known also as Dizy Doo and in some circles as Bright Eyes. And in one rather seedy part of Manehatten and within the house of Carrot Top, Bubblebutt.

In most of the universe, however, she, or perhaps he, was known as Yog-Sothoth, the All-in-One and the One-in-All.

….

Prince Blueblood was awakened by a set of upset guards and a timid servant.

He actually knew the servant in question. It was Azure Star, also known as the pony who he eventually spent the night with during the last Grand Galloping Gala.

He knew it was because she screwed up one too many times with paperwork and wanted to keep her job, but he liked the effort. At least he approached him and not one of his aunts.

She also had a little shiny piece of paper in one of her blue hooves. It looked golden, and it seemed stained with the tears of a great many ponies.

As such, he thought, it was either going to be very bad or very good for him.

“Prince Blueblood, I wish to alert you that, as the only servant within the castle who was actually willing to alert you of the following.”

He raised an eyebrow. This was new.

“As the Celestial Sisters are both on a leave of absence, and due to the old law regarding the first-pony-to-the-throne way of election being eliminated twenty years ago to save paper, I have the displeasure of alerting you that you are the acting ruler of Canterlot, and by extension Equestria, until your betters return.”

He blinked. Azure winked back at him. He suppressed a shudder.

Then it hit him.

He began to laugh. Loudly. He might have practiced for this moment.

Spoiler Alert: He has.

The guards shared looks.

It was going to be a long two weeks.

What Ever Happened to a Good Old Fashioned ia ia Cthulhu Fhtagn?

After the initial bout of hugging, squeezing, and otherwise general physical greeting, Shub-Niggurath was utterly confused.

"So, why are you here, exactly? Furthermore, why are you so...low down?"

Derpy huffed. "I like this place. It's very nice. Is that so wrong?"

The taller pesudopony let out an exaggerated gasp.

"My word, you, out of all of us, taking a vacation. How long have you had this avatar, anyway?"

Derpy's face scrunched up in thought. "One hundred and twenty six thousand, three hundred and eighty one hours, and fifty one minutes."

The other god noticed that her brother's eyes rolled around oddly, and winced internally. He was never good with making bodies for himself.

"Ah, not to long at all. But there in lies the question about why you are here. Surely there are other realms in the universe that interests you more than this collection of cheerful colors and brightness?" She frowned. "And why such a weak body as well? Surely a stumpy winged equine is not of your tastes? At the very least, something like one of the winged horned ponies-"

"They have names, sister." said the mailmare nasally. The taller pony blinked.

"My word, you have gone native." she said softly, amused and slightly shocked.

"Hush. I do, in fact, have a reason for being as plain as I am currently. This world is quite deadly."

The other elder god stared at her brother-cum-husband.

"It seems to me that this world is hardly deadly, brother. Perhaps so much time viewing the world from the eyes of a chubby equine has clouded your thoughts."

Derpy snorted. "Hardly. You ran into something strange on your way here, didn't you?"

"There was a rather elephantine creature, but it is dead now."

The grey mare sighed, and locked both her eyes on hir sibling. "Nevermind. To put it into words that you can understand, sister, you are late to the party. Everyone you could possibly think of is already here."

The tall unicorn took a step back. "What do you mean by that?"

"I have been here for a short time, but nearly everyone else is here. The whole family, and most of the other one's."

The unicorn paused. "When you say this, you really mean everyone?"

The grey pony nodded her head. The other blanched.

"Mother?"

"Ask Luna."

"Nar-Nar?"

"What." the pegusi said flatly.

"Whatever he calls himself these days, it's hard to tell." the unicorn said dismissively.

"You should already know one of his avatars here is trapped in stone up in Canterlot." Derpy said, agitated.

"The big castle?"

"Yes."

"What about Baset?"

"Sent a servant down here, got addicted to a drug."

"A pity. Dagon?"

"You actually care if one of them set up shop here?" Derpy said spitefully.

"You brought it up."

"Fair enough."

The grey pony gathered her thoughts, and smirked.

"There's a Hoofsmouth and a Hornsmouth."

"You jest."

"Where did you think those Sea Ponies came from?"

"But...they looked so cuddly." the tall unicorn said distantly.

"Yes they did. They still do."

"Nevermind that. Nodens?

"Came down a thousand years ago or so before mother arrived, got distracted with a bunch of glittery ponies. Very sad."

"There are ponies that glitter?"

"Yes, but they are gone now. City sent to a far off prison-plane or another, not due for another year or so."

"Speaking of that, before you ask, I had nothing to do with that goat-necromancer. I am sure of it."

"Not one of mine, either."

"The Heart of Darkness?"

"Not mine, either. The centaur, though? Entirely our brothers fault."

"The pig women?"

"Might be native, along with her minions."

"The lava creature?"

"There was a lava creature?"

"Presumably, yes. I think there was a penguin and a shadow-eating cloud as well, but I haven't been here for a very long time."

"Ah."

Both of the figures stood there for a few moments.

"What of him?"

"He was already here when I arrived."

"But he never takes a physical form. How could he, even." The other god hissed.

"Don't worry; he is not remotely close to this village. I pity you if he comes here and finds you, however."

"How did he deal with our brother?"

"He's in a very weak avatar, you understand, much like I am. I would think the ones that know it best believe it to merely be utterly mad."

"So it's less of a puppet and more of a living window into this world?" Shub-Niggurath questioned.

"Mostly. It still breaks reality, but it has friends in this world that keeps it in check."

"Does our host know?"

"Your host. And no, I doubt they do. If they did, I suppose that they would have to move the ponies again."

"Why did they have to move?"

"You know the place they used to live?"

"Yes?"

"Ithaqua moved in, with children."

Shub-Niggurath swore in a tongue that would cause lesser minds to shatter.

Derpy laughed slightly.

A groan was heard from the tree house, and two winged forms launched themselves out of a high window.

Derpy stopped laughing.

"Tell me you didn't..."

"Yes."

"You do realize that any children you produce here will be culled with prejudice by the sisters, yes?"

"Do you think I care? I had sex three times even before entering this village."

"You must be joking."

"I am."

"Ah."

"Four, actually. Do you know that forest has wolves made of wood? Wood! They make the cutest squeaks!"

Yog-Sothoth swore.

....

Deep under Canterlot Castle, there is a chamber. It is protected by spells weaved by Celestia herself, and is, thanks to the benefits of Alicorn magic being able to force reality to sit down and shut up, was larger than it was outside it.

This chamber held most of the magic items in Equestria, which was deemed prudent after a census discovering that more than eighty percent of the evil conquering lunatics that attempted to usurp the princesses throne were influenced or was a magical item.

Hence, they were gathered up and sealed behind a door that could only be unlocked by a member of royalty.

Unfortunately for Equestria, Blueblood is royalty.

"Azure, I insist you hurry up." the prince said, hair slightly wild and eyes nigh-bloodshot.

The other unicorn was not eager to wander the hazy halls of display cases and locked boxes. The fact the roof on the room was high enough to have weather patterns and the wind in the room was very cold was part of this, but it was also accented by the pure palatable evil emanating from all directions.

"Of course, my prince, but what are we looking for, exactly?"

"A very rare object, said to have been brought from camel lands." he said triumphantly.

Azure looked at the case closest to her right. "It wouldn’t be the...Mask of Lies, would it?"

The prince continued to briskly walk down the hall.

"The Capricorn Eye Fountain?"

Nothing.

"The Crown Jewels of Unicornia?"

Nothing.

"The Fluffleara?"

Nothing.

"The Horn of the Bale Taurus?"

Nothing. Still.

"A map of Bordar, signed by Sowron?"

Nothing.

"The...Red Spear of Lord..Death...Dispoil?" she squeaked.

He kept walking, and she ran for a few moments to keep up with him.

"The Crown of Gun'thar?"

Nothing.

"The Portal of Eternal Spiders?"

"No." he said, voice hard.

She kept quiet, and shrieked slightly when one of the cases closest to her rattled slightly as she passed.

"My prince, should we be here?"

"It is my right as a member of the royal family. If anything, you should not be here."

"Oh. Sorry, my lord."

"Be quiet, you harpy."

Taken aback, she stayed quiet.

A few moments later, the acting ruler of Equestria stopped and turned at a very old looking case, bound with several layers of yellow tape and arcane seals, which quickly proved useless as he took the case off and threw it down the hall.

"Yes, this is it!" He all but screamed in a very un-Blueblood manner.

Hesitantly, she took the bait.

"What is it, sir?"

Wild eyed, he lifted a very dusty old book out of the box.

Azure wasn't sure, but she swore that the book was leather, and, more distressingly, had the faint impression of several pictures embedded in its dried exterior that was presumably not made with paint.

"This, my dear," said the cracked acting king of Equestria, "is the Neighcronomicon!"

....

"So, that happened." said Applejack.

Rarity nodded, still lying on the other side of the bed.

"Why, yes it did. I don't suppose you remember how we got here, do you?"

The farm mare shrugged.

"No idea. One moment ah was in Twilight's house, and next I was, err, in my bed. I guess you followed me here."

"Do you think it could be because of her friend?" the white unicorn said, concerned.

"Haven't gotten that far yet, sugercube. It's seems like it is, though, cause with her being a fertility goddess and such." she said vaguely.

"Fair enough. Applejack, I must say, and I cannot stress this enough, however, that I have no id-"

"It's nearly morning, probably. Big Mac's out with Granny in Mooisville, and Apple Bloom has a play date. Want to talk this over breakfast? With cider?" the orange mare said simply.

Her bedmate paused.

"That would be lovely."

Cutting Corners to Oblivion

Celestia was having a decent vacation, as far as she could tell. The past few days have been rather uneventful, sans Luna coming back covered in scratches and bruises and asking if she could be excluded from duties regarding Stalliongrad and its respective satellite towns. She, of course, agreed, but was slightly unnerved by her constant mutterings regarding revolutions and silly uprisings against nobility.

Which got her tired, slightly buzzed mind on the topic of Blueblood. Sighing, she decided to give him a few more meaningless titles to make up for his little time-out.

                                                                                           -------

Gathered in the dark center of the Everfree Forest was a hodge-podge of ponies big and small, all garbed in black cloaks, or at least the closest thing they could get to one in a town that's default color was pink.

Standing on a podium, however, was a figure far smaller than most of the ones that were gathered, yet it seemed to carry a sort of twisted authority over its fellows. The fact the podium was five feet tall helped slightly, but so did its jagged, irregular movements on it, dragging its oversized cloak every which-way.

The figure raised its head, and watched with satisfaction as the sun set. It was time.

It waited for its gathered compatriots to react. There was no excess chanting in sight, or even a modest chorus.

"Gosh darn it yall, I thought we were better than this!" the small figure wailed.

The gathered figures all flinched at her words, but none stepped forward.

Until one did, anyway.

"AB, can't we just try this tomorrow?"

A chorus of agreement erupted from the crowd, followed with confused mutterings involving the lack of refreshments and expectations of fliers explaining why they were there.

The little figure sighed, and nodded dejectedly. The crowd cheered.

                                                                                              -------

"-And that is how my high priest ended up as a squid obsessed with flooding things." Yog-Sothoth finished.

"You know, I always wondered about that. Explains a lot, actually, especially with the odd stone." Shub-Niggurath said.

"On that note, my dear, I do need to leave. I am heading east for a while." He finally admitted.

"Oh, why? To escape me?" she said, grinning far too widely.

"No, a vacation."

"You? A vacation? Really?"

"Yes, with a..." the other god paused, as if upset.

"A what?" his sister pressed.

"A friend."

"Funny definition of friend."

"Pardon?"

"I read your mind. Orange pony. You live with her. Among other things."

She winked, and the grey pegusi groaned.

"She is a friend."

"That you have incredible-"

"Yes, yes. Still, she is a friend."

"....You, really? I suppose you like her for her mind?" she said tauntingly.

"I do." he said adamantly.

"I never will understand your tastes, always going for the meek ones."

"You wouldn't understand. Frankly, the train is coming soon."

"Really, she doesn't know?"

"The thinks oddly of me, yes, but kindly. I insist that I leave now."

"So soon?"

"We have been standing here for five hours."

"Really?"

"Yes. Twilight Sparkle is still sprawled inside her home, sister, and I suppose you should check on her."

"Speaking of that, she is odd. Is she, well, different that other ponies?"

"...Yes. Very much so."

He grinned. Shub Niggurath raised a eyebrow.

"One of ours?"

"No, no!” He said, raising his hooves in a defensive manner.

” She was one of the one's that banished mother, and put our dear brother into stone. And destroyed Noden's Avatar."

"...Your kidding, right?"

"No. I wish I was. Now you understand my words?"

"I suppose. Your not much of a liar...Wait, Noden's Avatar is dead?" Shub-Niggurath said, astonished.

"Why, yes it is!"

"But you said the place with the crystal ponies wasn't here?"

"Oh, I lied. However, if you go there, you will perish like he did."

"Ah, fair enough." She said, teeth slightly bared.

"Ah, yes. Anyway, I am going now, and I trust you to not make any mischief while I am gone, correct?"

Shub Niggurath began laughing.

"Fair enough." her brother groaned as he flew away.

                                                                                                     ------

"Fluttershy, I think this is far enough from Ponyville."

"A-are you sure?"

"Nope. Still, the weird pony thing that's in Twilight's house probably doesn't know about this dragon cave, so we should be okay. We need to see if the others are alright, though."

"Well, I do hope so."

....

"So, erm, Fluttershy, about last..."

"It's okay with me, if it means anything."

"...That’s...that’s good."

                                                                                                 ------

"Rarity?" Sweetie Bell said quietly to the newly arrived older unicorn.

"Yes, Sweetie?"

"Apple Bloom is acting odd."

"Oh, why?"

"She's started a cult."

"Oh. That is odd. Actually, on that note, we are eating at the Apples tonight."

All thoughts of odd behavior pushed out of her mind, Sweetie Bell’s mind was lost in thoughts of apple pie and other apple products.

"Yay!"

                                                                                                   ------

In the perpetually dark and mist shrouded Canterlot Catacombs, two figures were standing in front of a very large gate. Both were clad in dark robes, but while one was caked in a thick layer of clay and was covered in bad stitching, while the other was far glossier and freshly made.

"Ur, I 'ust question why ya whant dis thing opand." The smaller figure shuffled slightly, words muffled over a thick iron key ring.

"I insist, Grave Turner, I am your king. The Blueblood Family Tomb will be opened at my command."

"Air enouf, sire, ut wiy?" he muttered, spitting out the ring after the gate's lock made a clink-clank signeling it's unlocking, "I mean, really, you out of anyone knows that your filthy rich and it's not like your poor pop is in any state to say 'ello."

"Tell me, Grave, what do they say about me?"

The smaller figure put down his hood, and the small green earth pony looked at his currant liege, slightly amused. "You know perfectly well that I, out anyone, could care less about noblepony gossip."

"Do you talk to my aunts like that, Grave?"

"Met the princess once, sir, she gave me a badge and a wish that I understand the sacrifices I made in choosing this job."

"Did you sacrifice anything?"

"Tartarus no, sir. There's always work in the dying business, and it's easy to clock in the overtime."

Blueblood nodded, and underneath his cloak arose a dark purple bag, clinking with bits. He tossed it to the smaller pony's hooves."

"For the missus."

Staring, the green pony looked at his currant king, dumbstruck. "Good gods, you have gone mad."

Blueblood, chuckling, raised another, far smaller object. A ticket stub, lined with silver inlay.

"I suppose you do not make many friends in your work. This is a ticket for the new show arriving next week in the theater."

The earth pony raised a eyebrow, but took it with a hoof. "The one Luna commissioned?"

"Yes, that's the one. Give it to somepony who you hate."

Shrugging, the pony pushed the gate open and pointed a hoof to a shovel set along the wall.

"Well, my king, there you go, full access to your forefather's corpses. Have fun."

Blueblood, after the graveyard manager left, trotted inside and pulled out the Neighcronomicon, turned it to page twelve, and began the rites that could end the world.

Two And A Half Days Later

Twilight Sparkle understood the concept of a living hell. It was a overused term that was thrown around lazily to show how a place was awful beyond words. Of course, this was silly, as nopony in generations had seen Discord rampaging around, and the end result, Twilight had thought, was the only time the term could be accurate.

Looking at the world outside her library, Twilight realized, with growing horror, that she was wrong.

Sweetie Bell looked at the plate before her, and prodded the apple pie on the plate with a levitated fork. The yellow pie crust gave way to a shimmering, colorless goo that was clearly not apples, much like the shimmering not-colored vegetation that now dominated the area around Sweet Apple Acres.

Looking up at the gathered ponies, she knew something odd was going on in town. Her sister and Applejack, while always close friends, sat next to each other at the end of the table Big Mac usually sat at, while Apple Bloom was wearing a badly made black robe that strangely resembled a several towels held together with tape. Neither adults were eating there platefuls of food, prefering to stare into each other's eyes in a manner that reminded Sweetie Bell strongly of cattle, while Apple Bloom was mumbling something about coming darkness and tendrils of evil.

Sweetie Bell was a understanding pony, but she was almost prepared to tell Apple Bloom that the game she was playing had gotten a little out of control, especially after they got the book out of the library and started reading it. Well, to be exact, Apple Bloom began reading it. Sweetie Bell was somewhat unnerved by it, as it didn't look like it was made of wood or paper, for that matter, and she saw that the letters moved when she wasn't looking at it. Apple Bloom said she could read it perfectly, and she even read a few things in it for Scootaloo.

It didn't sound like anything she ever heard. It didn't sound like what she knew about Zecora's native language, either. It sounded more...gurgly.

Taking a quick glance at her older sister, she spared a look at Apple Jack and took a swift bite of the not-apple pie.

She then realized that she could see everything.

Canterlot was extremely quiet, given it's size.

In fact, there was no noise at all.

This was because everypony was dead.

However, this actually meant little to the ponies walking down the streets, who hardly noticed that there hooves passed through the cold, colorful blobs laying on the ground, or that the food they consumed simply fell to the ground when it passed by there lips. In fact, the only pony who knew was sitting on a throne in Canterlot Castle, surrounded by his forefathers, and he was too busy laughing insanely to notice a still-living Azure Star all but rubbing her hindquarters in his face or to notice that his thoughts were not his own.

In fact, one of the few things on the minds of ponies was the newest hit play that hit the stage, the Queen In Yellow.

Rainbow Dash was in Cloudsdale, alone.

Pinkie Pie was safe, of course, and Twilight was cooped up in the treehouse. But the Apple family home was a blasted heath now, and Ponyville wasn't safe either, not since that goat-horned creature started to walk around openly. Canterlot was covered in a grey mist that obscured sight and the Everfree's trees were swaying, like they were alive.

Fluttershy went down to get her animals, and that was a day ago.

She saw things in that mist.

Shub-Niggurath giggled to herself.

She believed she had the right to, anyway.

As it was, she decided to cut it loose and enjoy her stay to her fullest, which involved forgetting about even pretending to be something she wasn't and reign like a god. At the moment, she was resting in the middle of Ponyville Square on a pile of stacked mattresses and pillows, amusing herself with the townsfolk. A few even came up to her wearing black cloaks and began prostraiting themselves before her when she first arrived, which she thought was nice of them, but she quickly forced them to abandon there robes and bring more beds and soft objects to add on top of the increasingly large orgy-station.

Indeed, with the younger ponies asleep and most of the adults in Ponyville, for a lack of a better word, sexing each other, it was quite fun.Really, it reminded her of her early days, when she was just a few million years old, with her primitive cults and first minions. They were so eager to please, and please they did!  Even then, she was happily surprised when a small army of animals responded to her mental call.

She's never seen a bear do that to a goat, never mind when the yellow pegusus pony she dimly remembered to be a associate of the one pony she stayed with the day before brought out the whips and chains. The bunny covered in peanut butter was one she would have to remember.

Really, now, Equestria was turning out be be a education.

Meanwhile, at the Crystal Empire, a half-dozen of the queen's most trusted servants stood behind a springboard on the right of the bed, covered in oil and shrunken to the size of a forhoof with the power of unicorn magic, all secretly wondering if democracy could work out.

To the left, Shining Armor looked at his madly grinning wife laying on the bed, sighed, and put on the pickle costume.

Far away from Ponyville, there lies a farm bare of anything besides rocks.

Which fit's it's owners well, being a rock farm.

As it turns out, the avatar of the most important being in the universe was finishing cleaning up after one of the biggest parties it had experienced in it's life, which was saying something.

However, even with her mind fogged with thoughts of birthdays and mothers, a strange thought started in it's tail and up to it's brain, which caused it to smile.

The Mages in the Tree House

Twilight Sparkle huddled into the small pile of blankets and pillows she had constructed in her basement, shivering slightly. She considered pacing around the room to think clearer, but five hours of doing that had only netted her a worn floor and a set of tired hooves. As it was, she could only believe the world was falling apart around her. It's not like she hasn't checked, after all, she knew there are spells to do basic scrying and one might be in one of the libraries books and it would be entirely possible that she missed it the last five times she went over the entire inventory, but in the end she really didn't want to look outside.

Oh, she knew that she should, but what's the use in reaffirming that she was alone? Spike was gone, hopefully somewhere safe, while Rarity and Applejack might be in Sweet Apple Acers. Rainbow Dash might be in Cloudsdale, or somewhere, because last time Twilight checked it wasn't their anymore, but Fluttershy...

Twilight shuddered, closing her eyes involuntarily.

She was with that thing in the square. At least Pinkie Pie was okay, she was out of town and probably wouldn't even notice it's new management.

How the Princesses knew that foul thing that blatantly breaks every single natural law in existence and probably a few that have yet to be written down boggled her mind. She didn't have Spike to send a letter to conform that they were even alive, because Canterlot was covered in green mist and she feared for what might have possibly happened to cause it to be like it.

It couldn't be Discord, or the Changelings, because it would have surely spread by now. No, it had to be that thing that called itself Shrub, but even that seemed unlikely. Luna seemed to think that she was a good friend, but then again,Luna also ended up on the moon and was away during her brothers wedding-

Ug. Did she really think that?

She's been having thoughts like that for the last few days, ever since she managed to shake that clingy maid's dress off her and gathered everything she needed to live in the basement of the house. Nasty thoughts, one's that made her feel awful for even thinking about. Questioning her friends loyalties, the status of the Princesses, horrible things that made her feel like a terrible pony.

She didn't feel bad about thinking terrible thoughts about the thing in town square, though. She didn't feel bad at all.

Luna was right about her, in fact. She couldn't find anything about her in any book, tome, or scroll she had.

Suddenly, her eyes widened with realization.

That wasn't actually the case.

Applebloom, two weeks earlier, had checked out a book called the Elkdown ShardsTwilight didn't know that she had, and that it was accompanied with another copy that, accordingly, she also didn't know she had. She didn't remember getting it from Zecora, or from the Canterlot Archives, but either way she didn't remember it ever obtaining it through any means.

But at this point, she wasn't sure if she cared whatsoever. As it was, all Twilight remembered was that Shrub actually spoke to the little filly, almost calmly, and to Twilights mild shock she answered back. But Twilight mostly remembered how the little red-haired filly slurred the pesudounicorn's name into something that made Twilight itch all over. She didn't recall what exactly she said, but it wasn't something that should have come out of her mouth, more because of the fact she wasn't sure it ponies had the organs needed to make the noises she did than any sort of foulness in the language itself.

Moving over past her pile of former friendship scrolls, she searched for the book. If it had anything to do with her unfortunate guest, it could be a lifesaver for the battle to come.

It wasn't hard to do, as it was currently staring at her.

Twilight looked at the book, lying on a small pillar of larger books, and at the big brown eye in the dead center of the cover.

The book looked back.

Twilight blinked.

The book didn't.

Twilight kept staring.

The book blinked.

"Hello?" Twilight said, very slowly and very quietly.

The book said nothing, being a book.

"This is not a bad dream, is it? This is actually happening."

The book blinked again.

"Are you a actual book, or are you some sort of magical creature?"

The book said nothing.

"Can you understand what I am saying?"

To Twilight's mild surprise, the book rolled it's eye.

"You can?"

The book glared at her.

" I really am sorry, I still don't know if this is a hallucination or not. I have been down here for a week and there's some sort of evil deity outside. Do you know what I am talking about?"

Before Twilight could start breaking down and laughing at how she was talking to a book, said tome shook a little, seemingly agitated.

"You do, that's great! Now, do you know how to get rid of it?" Twilight said excitedly, not really caring whatsoever that the book just moved by itself.

The book made a gesture that might have been a nod, if it had a head.

"That's great, wonderful even. Now, what do I need to do?" Twilight said giddily.

The book's eye closed quickly, and the book flipped itself open.

Twilight, after a few scant moments of hesitation, started reading it.

While there was nothing directly stated in it, the basic concept's seemed to fit what she already knew. It wasn't really a book of magic so much as what one could do with magic, with some scant passages about certain objects or creatures that Twilight had never heard of before.

After a hour or so of having her eyes glued to the Shards, Twilight closed it happily, as it was apparent that she could, in fact, do what needed to be done.

Humming slightly as she prepared her things, a bag of arcane ingredients and a small piece of chalk, she started walking up the stairs and only stopped when she suddenly found herself in the way of a falling Great and Powerful Trixie clade in a black robe, wide surprised eyes a dark-wine color.

Collapsing Cosmoses And Other Good Band Names

"Spike, get up! Get up get up get up!"

Said little dragon stretched himself out on his little cot in the CMC's tree house, blinked a few times, and narrowed his eyes.

"Scootaloo?"

Said orange pegusus rolled her eyes. "Yes, Spike! Ponyville's in trouble, and we need to save it!"

Spike rubbed his eyes, yawning slightly. "Is it Twilight's new friend? You know Twilight, she'll solve it in no time. She's probably...ready...to..."

Scootaloo prodded the purple dragon in the head with a hoof. "Applebloom's acting odd and I don't know where Sweetie Bell is. Wake up!"

Spike got on two feet and stretched himself out, enjoying the feeling of the sun on his scales."Scoot, I know thing's have been weird and all, but I really don't think-"

"Just...look up, Spike." Scootaloo deadpanned.

"What?" he said in return, doing as he was told as he did.

When he saw what she was talking about, his pupils shrank to pinpricks.

"Scoot...are...those...."

The pegusus shook her head. "It's not clouds."

"But...the sky's...."

The small orange filly shook her head. "Green? Yeah. And those an't clouds moving in the sky. It's all heading for Canterlot."

Spike took a few moment's to comprehend the scope of what she was saying, and a fearful look passed over his face. "Then...what is it then?"

Scootaloo put on a brave face, and looked up at the sky along with Spike. "I don't know. Rainbow Dash went up there to see what it was. She said that she was going to get the Princesses in Canterlot for help."

Spike tried his best to sound brave, and failed. "But...they are not in Equestria, Scoot."

She turned away from Spike. "I kind of figured that out when she didn't come back two day's ago, Spike."

"Now dear, remember what I said about leaving?"

"Mom, it's not about that, it's why everpony else is acting funny!"

"Oh, my little one, I wish I could tell you why, but for now, you need to know only this: that we are safe, and we are going to have a very long vacation."

"But-"

"No butt's today, Dinky. Butt's are for sitting on. Now, please do what I say so we can leave now."

"So, let me get this straight, Trixie; you came here to challenge me to a magic dual, but got sidetracked with a stage-show in some Canterlot bar, and the next day you wake up and everyone around you is passing through walls?"

"That is what Trixie said, was it not?"

"Do you have to speak in third person?"

"Trixie does not know what Sparkle means, Trixie has been talking like this since she was born."

"Explain's why you are a homeless former traveling showpony who didn't ask for payment even when she had the chance."

"Wait, what did Trixie hear you say?"

"I am sorry the Ursa Minor broke your cart, Trixie. I really am." Twilight lied.

"The Great And Powerful Trixie accept's your pitiful excuse for a apology."

"Wonderful, now, I need you too look at the first few pages of this book, because if either of us is going to survive than we need to get this spell down."

"Brother, it is time for the Pink One to come apon us.

"Indeed, the foolish fool who is fooling around outside will never know what shall hit her."

"Perhaps we can use this to our advantage?"

"How so? You know how these cosmic laws work. We grow in power with the bodies."

"That's a stupid rule."

"Hey, I didn't want to be squeezed out of another hole with you again, but here we are."

"Bah, alway's blaming these things on me, sister."

"Hmm..."

"How dare you even consider that line of action! Put that stuffed animal down!"

"Must I call on the Tall Orange One With The Square Jaw?"

"Nut, how dare you!"

"Wahahaaahaaaaa!"

"Curse the laws of this stupid fantasy universe!"

"Citizens of Ponyville!" proclaimed the supposedly vacationing elder god, "come to the square at once!"

Of course, Shub Niggurath didn't really say that, as she, among other things, did not remember what the name of the town she was in, or, for that matter, care that the place that was currently in was called a "square".

Rather, she really just mentally commanded every adult living thing in a few square miles to come to her, but from a narrative stand point saying this would be boring and not give one the idea of what the ponies in the town were told to do.

Well, really not told. It was all in there heads, of course. All of them awoke at the same time, brains coming up with ideas about the real reasons they got up to go into the square, because none of them really wanted to admit that yes, there was a large goat-horned pony sitting on a throne made of bedspreads in the middle of town and that they were going to see it again.

For her part, Shub Niggurath was feeling giddy. She watched as her little ponies trickled into the square with eager expectation.

She had been surfing the minds of the ponies in town, and they tended to be tired, slightly scared, but ultimately satisfied at there lives, which was, to her own personal delight, also half the stallion's in town physical state.

But, among all the adult ponies in town, there was one that actually caught her off guard. On that made her blink all of her metaphorical eyes, and which made her smile the genuine smile of a immortal seeing something new.

Looking at the gathered adult's of Ponyville, Shub Niggurath cleared her voice and declared-

"Which among you is Lyra Heartstrings!"