Chapter 1: Making Preparations
The midday sun shone brightly in the skies of Equestria, warming rays of light spreading far over the land. Ponies of all ages were enjoying the day to the utmost, whether they were out for a stroll or playing in a park.
Two humans and a changeling laid sprawled out on pool chairs, relaxing in the comforting warmth of the sun. The first was Graham, a large, white male with short brown hair and forest green eyes. Next was Aramis, a tan young man with his eyes closed, tight muscles rippling under the harsh sunlight. He brushed back his spiky brown hair that blew gently with the wind blowing in his direction.
Ever since their first encounter with the Equestrian world, the humans had taken comfort in their surroundings. Graham, while staying with Twilight for the time being, had taken every job he could in the manual labor department. With this money, he was able to help his dear purple friend with small things as groceries and such She didn’t need it, but he needed to feel important from time to time.. But with the rest of it? He used it on hats. He had quite a collection of hats: from ballcaps, to wigs, to fancy, and even medieval. There was no hat that he didn’t collect.
Aramis had spent time with Rainbow Dash, working closely with the Weather Management team. He mostly did the written paperwork, organizing weather with dates and such. He also kept his side jobs at Sugarcube Corner and the Carousel Boutique. His bits had mostly gone towards tickets to the Wonderbolts events, whenever they came up. What was left had mostly been blown at the bar, which led directly into Rainbow’s current situation.
“That really hits the spot, Dashie.” He complimented as the pegasus flapped her wings towards him.
“Shut up Aramis,” she shot back. “Why am I doing this again?”
The changeling that sat next to the tanned human chuckled, its only truly distinguishing feature being its red eyes. A green flash went over the insect, turning it into a spitting image of Rainbow Dash.
“Hey Aramis!” it called, its voice also identical to the pegasus’. “I bet I can down more cider than you can!” With another green flash, a grinning changeling replaced the RD clone.
The real Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Screw you, Jack.”
The changeling’s current behavior was pretty much in line with what he had been doing since he arrived in Equestria. Ponyville had had many a mob to find the tricky changeling whenever his impersonations had gone over the edge. Other than that, he had been spending some of his time with Twilight, trying to learn new spells, and with Fluttershy, trying to earn his keep in her house by helping out with the various animals she kept.
“When and where?” Aramis asked with a smirk.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and took off to greet the rest of her friends, who were also enjoying the warm sun.
As soon as she was gone, Graham got up from his chair, and stretched. “I think we should follow her. Besides, tomorrow's that ‘Summer Sun Celebration’ thing, and I’d like to find out what we can do to help out.”
Aramis looked at him curiously. “What for? We’re relaxing under the sun and I have a free fan, what more can there be asked for?”
Graham only groaned at his friend’s reply, and walked towards Twilight, who seemed busy with writing down notes, as per usual. Her newly found wings made him groan a bit to himself again.
“I’ll never get used to those...” he muttered to himself as he made his way towards her.
He neared her and poked the side of her head, making the pony turn towards his direction. Her expression went from focused to delighted.
“Nice to see your friends are enjoying themselves. Why aren’t you? I thought today was your day off from working around town?”
The big man smiled at her. “Yeah, I know. I wanted to find out if you needed help with anything. I saw you were writin’ stuff down, and I figured you were working on all that ceremony fluff.”
The purple pony nodded her head, and levitated the scroll she was writing on to him. On it it was a list of jobs that each pony from Ponyville, that was participating anyway, would take and do today. The Summer Sun Festival was perhaps the most important event in all of Equestria, and Twilight was serious about making sure everything ran perfectly.
“The Summer Sun Festival is run at Canterlot, and everything needs to be precise, no lazy stuff. If you can’t handle it, say something before I put you on the list.” She warned. Graham looked unfazed.
“I know all that, I just want whatever’s left on the list.”
Twilight carefully looked through the positions. She was certain to find one that was suited for his kind of work: Physical labor. As much as Graham hated it, all he did ever since his arrival was heavy lifting, and many other manual jobs for ponies. Graham often said he wished he could do something that used his mind, instead of his back, but frankly he had no such luck.
Twilight simmered over in her thoughts. Suddenly, she had an idea.
“Well, there is one job...”
“I’ll take it.”
“It has something to do with children. And I know you’re not exactly...patient.”
“Please, me? I can handle it.”
Twilight was completely sure he wasn’t ready, but who else was going to watch over the fillies and colts that were going to obviously get in the way of the setup? Of course, Graham would need some help, and so she secretly put in three other’s names.
“Alright, if you insist. I penned you in for watching the children for the rest of the day.”
Graham’s eyes widened in horror. “Noooo...” He backed up slowly. “Nonono...”
“Graham, we need this, and besides, nopony’s ever going to take this job!”
He groaned, mumbled, and figured it was too late. “Fine, I’ll take it, but—”
“Yes I already took your friends into consideration.”
After thanking her and walking off back to Aramis and Jack, he mumbled under his breath.
“Kids. Why did it have to be kids. I hate kids.”
Aramis and Jack were still lounging around in their chairs as they noticed Graham’s return.
“So what’s the newest chore Twilight asked you to do?” Aramis asked, taking a sip of his beverage.
“It’s actually ‘we’ and she’s got us lookin’ after some kids. Celestia helfen uns.”
Jack slowly lowered his shades, looking at Graham with a blank expression. “Run that by me again?”
“We’re watching a buncha kids until they’re done with the setup. That’ll take a while.”
Aramis looked at him incredulously. “We? There is no we in this besides me relaxing here while you work.”
“Graham,” Jack began, slowly folding up his sunglasses and seating them beside him. “I like to think we’ve been through alot together. We’ve solved puzzles, trolled the FUCK out of everyling in Ponyville, and even went dimension-hopping together.” The changeling leaned forward. “But if you think I’m going to help you babysit a bunch of...little...fleshy, meaty things... you, mein friend... are so. Absolutely. GODDAM HIGH...”
“So to answer your question...” Jack buzzed into the air and went up to Graham. He then pulled out a black leather glove and slapped the human across his face. “NEIN!!!”
“Aw, zur Hölle mit Ihnen!”
“What?” Aramis asked.
“To hell with ya!” Graham boomed, causing Jack to fly back a bit from the sudden jolt in the air. Graham stormed off towards his “Job”.
Aramis laughed loudly. “So we free from this job?”
“Think so,” the changeling responded, still slightly stunned from Graham’s outburst. A wicked grin crawled across his face. “Buuuuut... Imma still make his life hell.”
With a flash of green light, Jack dropped to the ground, suddenly in the form of an orange-coated, purple-maned pegasus filly.
“TO THE LAIR!!!” he cried, pointing his hoof in the air dramatically.
***
An hour passed by since Graham started his babysitting. All the little colts and fillies were screaming and playing with each other, causing great havoc to Graham’s mental structure.
“Kids, Don’t play with that—oh god you broke the fen—Wait don—no!—oh god; NO!”
As Graham began ripping out fistfuls of his hair in frustration, a familiar filly walked up to him with a smile on her face.
“Hi Graham!” Scootaloo said excitedly, waving wildly.
“Oh thank Celestia, a face I know! Scootaloo, I need help rounding up these little bastards before I punt ‘em across the county.”
“Ooo, ooo! Maybe I can get a “Little Bastard Round-Up” cutie mark!” The filly turned around and started waving to the other juveniles.
“Here, bastards, bastards, bastards!” Scootaloo called, obviously failing to “round up” the little pricks that swarmed all over the place.
As Scootaloo proved unable to get their attention, her eager smile faded rapidly into a frown, and she turned to face Graham.
“Sorry, I can’t seem to get any of these fuckers in line. You think a bitch-slap would help?”
As Graham’s jaw dropped to the ground, a voice from behind caught his attention. He turned around to behold another Scootaloo, this one looking extremely frustrated.
“Dammit!” the filly said in a very un-filly-like voice. “I thought I was going to get here first!”
With a flash, the small pegasus reverted to a changeling.
“Oh shit...I taught Scootaloo to swear...” was all Graham could think to say.
“Well stop talking, dumbass, you’re not helping!” Jack yelled, noticing that Scootaloo was diligently taking notes just behind Graham.
Aramis strolled along and saw the state of disarray. His sun glasses slipped down his face from surprise. “Mother of Celestia...” He muttered.
“It’s not what it looks like, IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!” Graham began to panic.
“Yeah seriously,” Jack added. “It LOOKS like it’s BOTH of our faults, but in reality, it’s just Graham’s.”
“Splendid job fucking things up. Any chance you can screw things up any worse?” Aramis asked as he watched the children run about rampantly.
“Ok, I’ve had enough. Jack, Aramis, help me get them to settle down or so help me, I will rip you apart, scatter your very remains across the land, hidden in mansions, and you’ll have to be put back together!
Aramis sighed and took a deep breath. “EVERYPONY, CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!” He yelled at the top of his lungs.
Abruptly, every colt and filly froze.
“That’s better. What hell is wrong with all of you, Graham was asked to watch over all of you and look at what you’ve done!” He threw his arms out wide to emphasize the range of damage they had caused to the school yard of the town school. “How do you think Miss Cheerilee is gonna feel when she sees this? She’ll work herself to death to fix this, cause you brats can’t be more thoughtful. You all better start grabbing tools and make this playground spotless or so help me Celestia I don’t give you all the whooping of a lifetime your parents forgot to give you!” Aramis growled sternly, eyes narrowing dangerously, as if promising that and more.
Immediately, the young ponies scrambled for tools, supplies, anything they could find to repair the wasteland of a school yard. Several groups were formed, each having an impressive and coherent chain of command, but why was any of THAT important?
Jack and Graham looked at Aramis, shock written on their faces. Jack reared up and clacked about twice with his hooves before gravity took hold once more and allowed him a face-plant into the ground.
“Dammit!” he cried. “I’m still not used to this!”
“Danke, Aramis. I just—”
“Hate kids that aren’t your own, we get it.” Aramis finished Graham’s sentence before he had time to think.
Soon, Twilight walked over from her duties to check up on things. As soon as she saw the playground, all nice and clean, she had a grin on her face.
“You watched the children, and you cleared the playground of all the litter? Thanks, you three for helping out with the little ones while I got the rest of the groups organised. We should be all set to start the work at Canterlot first thing tomorrow.”
As soon as Graham caught wind of her, he fell to the ground in a heap, sighing what troubles he had away.
“Oh great, all that exhausting work, and we’re not even ready yet? Come on people, I can’t work like this all the time!” Jack piped up.
“Well, it’s going to take some time, but for now, I can take over watching the kids for you now. You’re free to go. In fact, since all of us will be taking train rides over to Canterlot to get started on our duties, why don’t you take the early trip over? It’ll save us some time of getting you on board, especially since there will be more ponies on later.”
Graham slowly got up to a sitting position. “As long as there’s a fucking cake at the end of this, I’m game.”
Immediately, Jack’s body flashed green, with no obvious change. Until he spoke.
“At the end of the experiment, you will be baked, and then there will be cake,” he droned in computerized voice.
“Can it, bug. Let’s just go. I expect a full buffet when I get there.” Graham muttered as he got up and started walking towards the town’s train station. Jack and Aramis started following until Jack brought up something important...
“Y’know, I have the strangest feeling we forgot someling...”
“...fuck, we forgot Bromley at the farm..”
***
At sweet Apple Acres, the Apple family were hard at work doing as much as they could to prepare for this festival. Harvesting their orchard of fine, delicious apples to create as many dishes they could for the banquet during the middle of the Summer Sun Celebration. Granny Smith oversaw the entirety of the preparations, Applejack and Big Macintosh supplied the labor, and Applebloom... tried to not cause TOO much havoc.
Observing the family from under the shade of an apple tree, another human, named Bromley, stood impassively. His pale skin stood in sharp contrast to his black skin-tight outfit. His metallic right arm glinted from the sunlight that managed to get through the leaves.
On any other day, Bromley would have been out and about as well, working just as hard on the preparations as if he were an Apple himself. But Applejack was getting slightly put-off lately by his non-stop assistance, so for the day she had told him to stay on the sidelines.
The human was getting slightly restless from his lack of activity, so he tore his eyes from watching the Apple family’s works and headed back to the barn, hoping to at least perform some menial chores to sooth himself.
Opening the door, Bromley let out a short sigh to himself, before realizing that Rainbow Dash was pacing back and forth in front of him.
“There you are!” she said, a green flash of flames flowing over her to reveal an all-too-familiar changeling. “NotalktimetrainarrivesintenminutesgogogogogoGO!”
Jack quickly turned back into Equestria’s number 1 flyer, rocketing out of the Apple barn with her trademark speed and contrail. Bromley, having caught every word that was said, sighed again and turned around, setting out from the barn with a quick jog.
“This had better be important,” he muttered to himself.
***
Within an hour, everyone was finally aboard the train to Canterlot. As soon as it left the station, the ponies inside tended to their own business.
The three humans present were sitting in the third car. Aramis and Graham tried to sit comfortably on seats obviously not designed for them, while Bromley leaned up against the wall. All were sitting quietly until Graham started humming.
“Graham, cut the noise.” Aramis warned. “I don’t wanna hear that the entire trip.”
“But I’m bored! What do you expect me to do?” Graham whined as he stared at his compatriot.
“Keeping quiet would be one thing. Or maybe you should’ve brought a book or something, I don't know.”
“Graham? Read? That’s a laugh.” the normally-silent Bromley retorted from beside them. “We’ve been here for only two months, and you expected Graham of all people to read? The only thing he ever reads are the tags on his hats.”
“HEY! Those tags have interesting things to say!” Graham shouted back.
As the two bickered, Aramis voiced his thoughts outloud. “You know, the last time this summer festival thing happened, a horse on the moon wanted to go M. Bison and take over the world. Think that’s gonna happen again?”
Graham looked over and shook his head. “Nah. That can’t happen twice. It’s like lightning hitting the same spot again. It’s just not gonna happen.”
“But it’s possible.” Bromley responded.
“I guess you’re right, but for this? Highly doubt it.” Graham said as he laid down, getting comfortable for the ride ahead. The other two did the same, as the train going through the mountain would take about fifteen minutes to get to their final destination.
As the train entered the mountain, all outside light was shut out. Suddenly, the sound of breaking glass was heard.
“What th-oomph!” Graham cried out as something heavy landed on his stomach.
Bromley quickly responded, pushing himself off the wall and moving swiftly over to the large man, seizing hold of whatever was on him by the throat.
“Okay okay okay, lemme go!” A familiar voice wheezed as a green light lit up the darkness of the train car. Jack took in a large breath, coughing as Bromley released him.
“Okay, so first things first,” he said, darting under Aramis’ seat. “If anyone comes looking for a Dementor, you saw nothing.”
***
After the train pulled into Canterlot Station, the four (tentative) friends quickly made their way through the city, making a beeline for the castle as best they could. Canterlot was still setting up for the celebration the next day, ponies hustling and bustling back and forth in preparation.
Once the group arrived at the castle, they immediately made their way to the throne room. Celestia and Luna were waiting for them with a small smile.
“Greetings, everypony. How was your trip?” Celestia asked, watching the humans walk to the middle of the room.
“Eh, it was fine. We were talking about the last celebration while we were on the train.” Graham answered.
“Oh?” She asked, intrigued.
“You know, that whole Nightmare Moon thing. What with the last one crashed by her, and this one could be crashed by some other deity.”
“Ya know, Graham,” Jack said nervously. “That sounds like an obvious and badly thought-out foreshadowing in a poorly written fanfiction. You really shouldn’t say things like that.”
Celestia was a bit concerned. They never brought up anything like this before. “Please, go on.”
Graham cleared his throat. “Well, Equestria has a bad record with running events. The Summer Sun celebration last year, Nightmare Night at Ponyville, and even Cadence’s wedding a month ago. This place seems to bring about the weirdest characters I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m sure that this one will run without a hitch.” Luna reassured. Bromley sighed a bit.
“We’ll see.” He added.
Aramis shrugged. “Even if something does happen, I’m sure it’ll work itself out. We’ve got four alicorns and a draconequus on our side, plus the Elements of Harmony.”
“You’re absolutely right, Aramis,” Celestia said with a smile. “Now, I’m sure the train ride over was exhausting, so you may all take up your previous bedding arrangements in the castle.”
“Is there a buffet, by any chance?” Graham asked, almost pitifully. Everyone else facepalmed/hoofed.
“In a few hours, yes,” Celestia sighed. She just didn’t understand what his obsession was with food and hats. She was surprised he didn't have a obsession with weapons.
Graham threw his arms up in the air. “Woo-hoo!” he cried as he left the throne room, everyone else following in a much more civil fashion. Everyone went to their rooms, except for Graham, who was looking for the royal dining hall.
“God, this Castle is as messed up as Foster’s House.” He complained to himself as he went from floor to floor, sometimes even ending up at the spot he started from.
After an hour of trial and error, he finally made it to the dining hall where there was plenty to eat...at least for ponies anyway.
“Aw fuck, I should’ve known...” He facepalmed as he beheld all the grass, hay, and generally vegetarian-based appetizers and main courses. At least the desserts looked okay.
“God damn it. Where’s the beef!?” He cried out loud as he picked up a apple pie.
“At least there’s apple pie. All I need is whipped cream, and this’ll do.”
***
Back at the guest rooms, Jack, Aramis, And Bromley were each relaxing in their own room, at least to some extent.
Aramis relaxed on the bed, stretching widely as he yawned deeply and closed his eyes, lowering his hoodie to make himself more comfortable.
Bromley, on the other hand, immediately went to bed, trying to get in a power nap. He would need the energy for later that night. He had other things to do while everyone was asleep.
Finally, Jack had taken to pacing about his room, anxiety filling his mind. He couldn’t simply stay put with nothing to do until dinner. Quickly making up his mind, a flash of green flames enveloped him, leaving behind a dark jade-coated pegasus with a long, spiky-tipped mane and feather made of jade on her flank. Jack left his/her room, sigh to him/herself.
“God I hate mondays...”
