Guns

by SulTheGreat

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1329

Celestia accidentally started a war with Saddle-Arabia and now creates guns for her soldiers. But, by mistake, one of these weapons reaches ponyville, causing alot of trouble...

Celestia, as the ruler of Equastria, has to make great decissions. And mostly, she does the right thing, even thou she has no idea about what she is doing. Bu this time, she screwed up. She accidently started a war against Saudi-Arabia, which has a much stronger army then Equastria. So she decides the troops need new arms… and invents guns! But whily transporting them to the battlefield, one of the weapons, a Desert Eagle, finds its way into the hoofs of Pinkie Pie.

I'm trying to be funny, and I'm gonna fail. And there is some nasty violence going on later in the story. Also, I changed the characters a bit.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-23 17:31:17 UTC

Chapter 1

It was a beautiful day in Equastria. The sun shined through the windows of the Canterlot palace. And in this shine, from that that sun, Celestia watched the dust falling t the ground. She just sat there and watched. And she had all right to do that. After all, she raised the sun, so she could at least look at what happens to the shine of that sun. And she hadn't anything better to do today. Well, actually she had. There was some military guy standing in front of her. And he was talking. About the usage of the troops against Saddle-Arabia  or something. Really, she wasn't listening. The dust in the air seemed far more interesting than some random war starting at Equestria's border. Maybe it wasn't. But Celestia didn't give a flying fuck. She just sat there on her throne, looking at the dust falling through the shine of the sun. Her Sun. The Sun she raised today, and yesterday, and tomorrow too.

It suddenly went silent in the room. The military guy looked at her with a questioning face. Celestia turned away from the dust and looked at him too.

“Well...” he said after some moments of awkward silence.

“I have full trust in you, mister army pony. Whatever you think is best, should be done!”, Celestia said with her warm voice.

“Ok, if you say so my highness!” the visitor said and trotted away.

Celestia leaned back with a smile on her face. That was really good, Celestia, that was really good. She handled that situation like a boss. Her job really was the easiest in all of Equastria. Raising the sun was an ability that she had since she was a foal. And the rest was a joke. She led a nation that could perfectly run by itself. Hell, she could just sit around here, eat all that fancy stuff and have her own servants, and if something really  dangerous happens, she just sends Twilight and her gang to mix the party up.

Speaking about royal duties, lunch should be ready soon. So Celestia stood up from her royal chair of doom-bringing decisions and made her was to the kitchen. As she passed  the outer halls, Luna teleported next to her. Celestia shrieked because of the sudden appearance .

“What the fuck?” she screamed.

And it was because of that scream, that Luna got shocked too and jumped backwards. She, by mistake of course, hit a random servant who tried to walk pass her with her, in ponies eyes, enormous butt. The servant, a grey pegasus with a lunchbox as cutiemark, was kicked against a window and fell outside. Luna turned around directly as she heard the cracking window, but didn't see anypony.

“Did I... did I just threw someone out there?”, she asked herself in a silent tone.

“I don't know! BUT YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!”, Celestia shouted angry.

“Oh, yeah, sorry big sis. But I...”

“But you what? Could you at least let me rest a few seconds after this shock?”

“Aww, I'm really, really sorry!”

Celestia turned her head away from her sister making the all infamous dugface and  bitchin:

“Well, but it's to late nnnnNNNNnnnnOOOOOOooooooOOOOwwwwwwWWWww!”

“Oh, come on sister! I don't wanted to scare you!”

Celestia still looked away and blushed dramatic.

Luna sighed because she already knew where this was going. Annoyed she whispered:

“Will you forgive for a moonshot?”

Celestia looked back at Luna with a mad grin on her face and yelled:

“Of course mah deara!”

Celestia's horn began to glow and a golden shine formed itself around Luna's body, seconds before the power pushed he upwards through the ceiling. It took a few moments before she fell down again and landed in front of her big sister.

Moaning the princess of the night got up on her hoofs again.

“Anyway, what did you wanted to talk about again?” Celestia said in her normal, calm voice again before she proceed walking to the kitchen.

“Well,” Luna said as she followed up, “ I kinda wanted to ask you if you know anything about the usage of our troops in Saddle-Arabia?”

A bad feeling started to grow in Celestia's stomach. Most of the time, Luna was useless. O.K., maybe she raised the moon, but Celestia could do that too. And that's why Luna never questions Celestia's decision's. Or makes any comments. Because she thinks Celestia would know what she is doing. But that was not the case. And if she really fucked up, then Luna talked with her big sister about it. So this, was not good.

“Oh Luna, I already talked with so many important poníes in the last weeks about so much important business, I don't remember anymore!”

“But he must have been here only some minutes ago!”, Luna said in a distrusting tone.

“Ah, you mean that little fellow. Yes, I told him to take the steps he thinks are right. Why do you ask?”

“BUT SISTER! The general now started war with the Arab leader!”

“If he did, I'm sure he had good reasons for it!”, Celestia said using her teaching voice, trying to get her head out of that hangman knot.

“No, that general worked for the oil-industry. Didn't you heard the news about his deals a week ago!”

No were Luna was mentioning it, Celestia really had the feeling she knew that pony. And now she knew from where. It was all on TV last week. But She didn't spent much attention. Usually, she watches WWE when the news are running. Now she had to make Luna believe she would have known that the hole time. She turned around to her sister, tears in her eyes!

“O.K., you got me! I did it all for the oil! But think about it, Luna! Where would Equastria be in 50 years without oil? Sometimes, you have to do bad things to others to help yourself! If you would be the queen you would understand it! OH PLEASE FORGIVE ME!”

Luna shrieked back with pity in her eyes. She put her wing across Celestia body and nuzzled her head a bit.

“It's all right big sister. I trust you, and your decisions. But we got to figure out how to win that war. The Saddle-Arabian troops are outnumbering ours!”

“Than... than I will go in myself and fight our enemies on the battlefield! I couldn't stand one of our brave stallions dying!”

“No sister, you can't! Don't you remember the alicorn-conditions? No princess is allowed to take part in a conflict!”

“Yeah, you are right.... I forgot...”

“We got to think of a way to make our soldiers stronger!” Luna said while scratching her chin.

“Maybe we can send in Twilight and her friends?”, Celestia suggested slowly.

“You want to send your student into a war zone? What are you OUCH!”, Luna was interrupted and rubbed her head with her hoof while cringing her teeth.

“What is it?”, Celestia said trying to change the subject away from the Twilight-idea.

“It's nothing. My head just still hurts from that moonshot... anyway, what was that Twili...”

“What did you just said?”, Celestia asked putting a hoof into Luna's mouth.

“Mhpmpphmhphm ah. I … just said my head hurts from the moon shot, why?”, Luna answered after Celestia freed her mouth again.

“Moonshot! THAT'S IT!” Celestia screamed and walked off.

Some time later in Ponyville...

“Pinkie's tail is twirling! EVERYONE FIND COVER!” Twilight screamed after she saw the tail of the partypony.

Everyone nearby jumped behind or under something as some piece of metal fell from the sky and landed next to Pinkie, who was hiding in a barrel.

“What's this?” she squeaked as she reached out of her barrel to grab the item.

“I don't know! But it looks like Celestia dropped it...!” Twilight said starring in the sky where the white alicorn flew over ponyville in her signature pimped Mitzubishi Eclipse filled with... guns.