Mind-Space Equestria

by Timidus

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Romance, Adventure
Length: 27640

Princess Celestia has sent the bearers of the Elements of Harmony into mind-space, the realm of consciousness and dreams in order to discover the source of the unhappiness now spreading its way across her kingdom.

Equestria is under attack. There are no armies gathered at the gates of Canterlot. No dragons or griffons filling the sky. There have been no battles nor a drop of blood spilt. But when the sun rises each morning, ponies awake tired and depressed from dreams they cannot remember. Fearing for the safety of her subjects, Princess Celestia has sent the bearers of the Elements of Harmony into mind-space, the realm of consciousness and dreams in order to discover the source of the unhappiness now spreading its way across her kingdom.

This tale is set between seasons two and three of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic and features not only the Mane Six but Derpy, Princess Luna and the Cutie Mark Crusaders as well. Will contain shipping and mild adult themes.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-26 06:03:39 UTC

Episode 1.2

1.2

Princess Celestia allowed herself a small smile. It was a remarkable sight. Seven mares, three fillies and a baby dragon, all with their mouths open and their uvulas glistening in the moonlight.

‘We’re inside Princess Luna’s mind?’ asked Twilight.

‘Correct.’

‘Ah why?’

‘Equestria is under attack.’

‘Attack? By whom?’

‘We do not know for it is no conventional confrontation. Princess Luna has detected anomalies within the dreams of many ponies. She believes that an outside force has found a way to enter mind-space outside of their own dreams.’

‘You mean lucid dreaming?’

‘Yes and no my faithful student. They cannot control the dreams of others. Think of each pony as a draconequus within their own section of mind-space, even if they themselves do not realise it. Just like my sister, all these intruders can do is influence the direction of dreams but don’t be fooled my little ponies, this is a grave threat. It is why I have sent all of you here. You must jump into the dreams of your fellow ponies and assist them in any way you can.’

‘That sounds kinda creepy if you ask me,’ said Rainbow.

‘And invasion of privacy,’ added Rarity.

‘Hey maybe we can get our cutie marks as mind doctors,’ suggested Scootaloo.

‘Cutie Mark Psychologists?’ questioned Apple Bloom.

‘Uh… Sweetie Belle?’

‘It’s another word for mind doctor.’

‘But why Princess Luna’s mind? Is the Princess under attack?’ gasped Twilight, failing to leap to her hooves with the weight of Rainbow still on her flank.

‘Relax Twilight Sparkle, my sister is safe. Think of Princess Luna’s mind as your home during daylight hours. A sleeping pony will assume that your thoughts are part of their dreams but awake…’

‘They’ll think they’ve developed paracusia.’

Princess Celestia nodded.

‘Uh Sweetie Belle?’ asked Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Derpy and Spike.

‘I don’t know that one.’

‘Auditory hallucinations,’ replied Twilight.

‘Huh?’

‘Hearing voices,’ responded Sweetie Belle.

‘Ah,’ responded everypony.

‘So what do you need us to do Princess?’ asked Twilight.

‘I have little time to explain. I will leave that task to my sister. However, I do wish to make it clear that I want Pinkie Pie to lead this quest.’

‘Ah could you repeat that Princess, did you say Pinkie Pie?’ asked Applejack.

‘You will find that Pinkie Pie’s ah… unique mind is perfectly suited to the task. Twilight, I need you to support her and to make sure that Pinkie stays focused.’

‘But Princess, surely…?’

‘Twilight, I ask that you trust me.’

‘I do but…’

‘I must go. Princess Luna will be here momentarily.’

Twilight watched as the transparent form of Princess Celestia vanished in a circle of light. She wanted Pinkie to lead. Not Applejack, Rarity or Rainbow Dash. Ponies for whom Twilight could understand why they would receive the mantle of leadership. The only pony less suited to the task was Fluttershy and only because she lacked the confidence to lead. Twilight sighed, it could be worse. The Cutie Mark Crusaders could be in charge.

‘My first command as leader is for you all to have fun at my Going into Dreams to Save Equestria Party.’

‘I don’t think that now is the time for a party Pinkie,’ replied Rarity.

‘That’s Captain Pinkie to you missy.’

‘Ah Pinkie,’ said Applejack.

‘Just kidding, you can call me O Captain my Captain.’

‘How about we go with just Pinkie,’ suggested Applejack.

‘Just is a pretty funny title. I like it. Just Pinkie it is.’

‘Equestria is under attack Pinkie, titles can wait,’ said Twilight struggling to get back onto her hooves. ‘Rainbow off,’ she growled. ‘We can’t afford to waste time, we need to get moving.’

‘That is an excellent suggestion Twilight Sparkle. Let us make haste to humph… Nightmare Castle,’ said Princess Luna.

‘Ooh that place sounds scary, is it haunted?’ asked Pinkie.

‘Ah no. Nightmare Moon constructed the castle during her lengthy imprisonment. It was to be the new Canterlot once the stars had aided her escape. It will make a suitable home while you are here in mind-space.’

Scootaloo raised her hoof above her eyes and scanned the distant dunes rolling over the horizon. There was only dust and rocks beyond the magical dome and certainly nothing that looked remotely like a castle. ‘So where exactly is this place?’

Princess Luna smiled. ‘You are standing on it little one.’

‘It’s underground? Even with powerful magic it would take decades of construction,’ said Twilight, slightly in awe.

‘One hundred of them to be exact.’

Twilight paused in mid step, was that a joke?

‘The castle had to be built underground least a certain nosy sister noticed its construction. Just press that rock. I will meet you inside,’ said Princess Luna as she vanished in a flash of light.

Lying amongst a pile of rubble that despite its best efforts looked as arranged as flowers in a vase, sat a crescent shaped rock. Twilight raised her hoof and…

‘Let me handle the stone Twilight, I did grow up on a rock farm after all,’ said Pinkie with a giggle.

‘Fine,’ grumbled Twilight, suppressing the urge to turn Pinkie into a golf ball and shout fore.

Pinkie bounced over Twilight’s head to land on the rock as a puff of magic burst forth from the stone and began eating away at the moon’s surface, transforming the ground into a circle of thick swirling smog.

‘Do you think it’s safe?’ asked Fluttershy. ‘What if it’s a bottomless pit?’

‘You know those things on your shoulders? They’re called wings.’

‘You’ve got them too Rainbow but I don’t see you jumping on in,’ said Applejack.

‘I think Just Pinkie should lead the way, she is in charge after all,’ suggested Twilight.

‘Flutters could be right, Dashie I order you to go first.’

‘Oh come now Pinkie, you circumvent the laws of physics on a daily bases. I’m sure you’d be perfectly safe,’ said Twilight.

Listening to the adults’ conversation made Scootaloo want to flap her wings and go bawk bawk bawk. She would have too if Apple Bloom could just let that whole chicken thing drop. The situation did however provide the perfect opportunity to show Rainbow Dash just how totally cool and brave she was. Unable to squeeze passed, Scootaloo ducked under Rainbow’s tail and wiggled her way through Dash’s legs.

‘What the?’ gasped Rainbow, glancing down to see Scootaloo’s head poking out between her front legs.

Scootaloo’s hooves slipped in the dust as she tried to force the rest of her body through the gap. Deciding to go with brute force, Scootaloo crouched down and launched her rear into the air in an awkward somersault. Scootaloo popped free and tumbled head over heels into the fog-covered hole.

‘Scoots!’

No reply came as the swirling mist quickly filled in the filly-shaped hole.

‘SCOOTALOO!’

Rainbow prepared to leap into the unknown as Scootaloo’s head poked up through the fog. ‘Did you want something Rainbow Dash?’

‘Nah I’m good,’ said Rainbow blowing the mane out of her eyes, ‘Um what are you standing on?’

‘Staircase,’ said Scootaloo ducking back down into the fog.

Lamps hanging above the alcoves cast ominous shadows over the statues of bat-winged pegasi as they sat watching over the spiral steps. Scootaloo felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention as she passed under their gaze. Scootaloo was very glad that she and the other crusaders didn’t have to sneak into this castle. Something told her that the statues in the alcoves would not be so motionless if the Princess did not wish them to be here. Muffled footsteps on the red velvet carpet caused the brave and dashing filly to leap several feet into the air. Glancing behind her, Scootaloo sighed and wiped the sweat from her forehead. Rainbow and the others had finally started their descent.

Princess Luna stopped striking at the stone with her hoof once she noticed the elongated shadows moving along the wall. Replacing her scowl with a smile, she greeted the ponies with a small nod. ‘This way if you please.’

Stepping through the arch, they entered a cavern that made the formally forgotten caves beneath Canterlot look like tunnels for ants. An aurora borealis created from the light of glowing gems embedded in the valleys and peaks of the ceiling rained a kaleidoscope of colours down over the cavern.

‘Ooh I’d just love to get my hooves on those gems. They would make my designs simply dazzle in the sunlight.’

‘I am sure that under the moonlight the effect would be equally as stunning,’ said Princess Luna.

‘Why umm yes they would,’ replied Rarity with a slight blush on her cheeks.

‘It must have taken a mighty long time to dig all this out.’

‘Actually this cavern was filled with ice. All I had to do was melt it.’

‘That explains the lake,’ said Twilight looking down at the motionlessness water far below.

‘You fillies be careful now, there’s no rail on this here stone bridge,’ said Applejack, ‘and I’m pretty sure that Rainbow doesn’t want to fish you all out of that lake down there.’

‘You got that right.’

‘Sure is high,’ whispered Apple Bloom as she kicked a loose stone over the edge and counted the seconds till the kerplop reached her ears.

‘Very high,’ squeaked Sweetie Belle backing away from the edge.

Scootaloo placed a hoof on Sweetie Belle’s shoulder and received a perfunctory smile in return.

‘Don’t worry girls I’d pluck you from the water. I don’t see too well in this light though so make sure you yell nice and loud.’

‘Gees Derpy I was just joking. I’d catch all three of them before they even hit the water.’

‘Gee I’m a dumb dumb, guess I must be the only pony who didn’t get the joke.’

With a raised eyebrow, Dash followed Derpy’s gaze to the trembling Sweetie Belle. Rainbow had forgotten that unicorns and earth ponies often had a thing about heights but surely Sweetie Belle knew that she wouldn’t let anything bad happen. After all rescuing a falling foal would remind everypony of just how totally cool and awesome she was. Derpy placed her wing against Sweetie Belle’s tooshie and with a gentle push, the Cutie Mark Crusaders started following the others across the bridge.

Twilight glanced up at the castle on the far side of the bridge and couldn’t help but wonder if Princess Luna had bought the plans from the Cake twins, whose wooden block creations not only violated every building regulation but the laws of physics as well. Twilight suspected that Pumpkin’s magic kept their creations from toppling to the ground. Half of the castle leaned out over the lake while the rest remained buried in the cavern wall. The visible sections seemed to be nothing more than oddly stacked rooms that leaned further and further out over the lake the higher they went. ‘May I complement you on your unique castle design Princess?’

Luna glanced down at Twilight. ‘You are too kind. I admit that I designed each room as I went, putting my efforts into making each one a masterpiece. Only when I stepped outside did I realise my error.’

‘Actually I kinda like its scruffy look. The ah statues on the other hoof,’ said Twilight glancing at the towering effigies of Nightmare Moon on either side of the castle entrance.

‘Hmm, perhaps Rarity would like the opportunity to alter the castle decor to better fit its new custodians. I am afraid that I am not well suited to the task.’

‘I’m sure that as a Princess your taste is… oh my,’ said Rarity, suddenly finding herself lost for words as they stepped into the entrance hall of Nightmare Castle.

Carved into the circular stone wall of the entrance hall was a mural that told of the longest day of the thousandth year when the stars aided her escape and brought night time eternal to the land of Equestria. To the left, carved effigies of bat-winged pegasi swooped down on ponies wailing as they fled in terror. In the centre, the all-powerful moon filled the night’s sky, embossed across its surface was the face of Nightmare Moon. Her open mouth forming the archway that led into the castle proper. To the right, earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi, even griffons and dragons all bowed before the magnificent splendour of an endless night.

‘It’s… quite a charming mural isn’t it?’ said Rarity.

‘Sure, I especially like the part where all the ponies are writhing in agony.’

‘The mural was created by Nightmare Moon Dash not Princess Luna,’ said Twilight.

‘Yeah I know.’

Princess Luna dropped her gaze from the images she had blasted into the stone when her heart contained only hate and vengeance. So many years lost to fear and anger. This was a part of her mind locked away when the elements of harmony had set her free. Now circumstances were forcing the reopening of wounds still fresh.

‘What are those circles on the floor?’ asked Twilight. ‘I have never seen anything like it.’

‘Circles? Oh yes, if you would all wait here a moment I will return post-haste.’

‘Any idea what they mean Twilight?’

‘Not a clue Spike,’ said Twilight as Princess Luna disappeared through the archway in the mural.

From his perch on Twilight’s back, Spike looked down at the large circular groove cut into the stone. It wasn’t very deep, about the length of one of his claws and maybe two hand-spans wide. The groove encircled a thick layer of glass under which colourful ribbons of light swirled and twirled and played tag with each other.

‘Oh I like that ribbon, purple and white, very stylish,’ said Rarity.

‘Hmm there are ribbons here with everyponies mane and coat colours. Do you think they are some sort of physical representation of our minds in this realm?’ asked Twilight.

Rarity just smiled. Tiny beads of sweat started appearing on her forehead when it became clear that Twilight was expecting an answer. Rarity’s smile grew larger as her eyes darted around the room in the hopes that a dashing stallion would rush to her rescue. It could happen; mind-space was a realm of dreams. Unfortunately, it was not some gallant prince galloping through the archway but a low grating rumble. ‘What was that?’

‘Sounds like a dragon, the Princess could be in danger,’ said Rainbow leaping for the door.

‘It ain’t a dragon,’ said Applejack grabbing Dash’s tail between her teeth. ‘Sounds more like a wooden cart if you ask me.’

Applejack released Rainbow’s tail as Princess Luna did indeed lead a cart into the entrance hall. Releasing it from the spell, the cart rolled to a stop nearby as the Princess levitated out a ceramic tablet and carefully placed it into the top part of the groove that surrounded the ribbons of light.

‘These hieroglyph tablets known as morpheus stones will help attune your thoughts to the mind of the pony whose dream you will join. The first stone always represents a pony’s cutie mark.’

‘Hey that’s Bon Bon’s,’ cried Pinkie.

‘Indeed it is. You may place the other stones in any order. I would suggest leaving a gap of say sixty degrees between each.’

‘Oh no, I didn’t realise that I’d be needing my protractor. What happens if they aren’t correctly spaced? Will this gateway simply not open or will it cause some sort of chain reaction that will unravel the very fabric of mind-space itself?’

‘Twilight, it will do nothing of the sort,’ said Luna barely able to restrain her Canterlot voice. ‘The spacing is purely for aesthetics, it doesn’t actually matter.’

‘Oh.’ Twilight’s cheeks flushed red as her friends politely supressed their giggles. Well except for Rainbow Dash who was doing an excellent impression of Tank, her pet tortoise, as she rolled around on the floor. Rainbow flipped back onto her hooves as Princess Luna placed the next morpheus stone into the groove. The three columns etched into the clay made Dash instantly think of the stadium in Cloudsdale but that didn’t make any sense. Bon Bon was an earth pony, unless Dash was thinking of somepony else, which was totally possible considering that Dash couldn’t actually remember ever speaking to the mare.

Applejack was a little less confused. Earth ponies were skilled at more than just growing food, although Bon Bon hadn’t stuck her as the construction type. The third stone however made perfect sense. Applejack would have recognised it even if she hadn’t played the role of Chancellor Puddinghead’s secretary in the Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant. The sun, a hill, a field of flowers and a field of crops; it was the crest used to represent earth ponies before the founding of Equestria.

Pinkie bounced higher and higher, trying to get a look at the stones in the cart but Princess Luna-no-funsie-pants had placed them all upside down. What was the next one going to be? Was it going to apples? Bon Bon loved apples. Maybe a mountain made of candy? After all Bon Bon did run a sweet shop. Ooh it might even be a dress. Bon Bon liked fashion, not as much as Rarity of course but… Ah musical notes, well that made perfect sense, thought Pinkie as Princess Luna fitted the fourth stone into place.

Fluttershy was not all that surprised when the heart hieroglyph appeared on one of the stones. She umm quite often bumped into Bon Bon at the library, in the ah romance section. Not that they ever said a word or looked each other in the eye. All Fluttershy could ever do was try to hide the blush on her cheeks. Glancing over at Rarity their eyes met and a small smile passed between them.

Rarity turned her gaze back as Princess Luna placed the last morpheus stone into the groove. ‘Oh my.’ Rarity gasped, the involuntary noise drawing the attention of her friends. The blue rose. While unicorn magic could change the colours of rose petals, no earth pony in Equestria had ever grown one from a seed though many had tried. It was the symbol of unattainable love and often appeared as a plot device in trashy romance novels. Or so Rarity had heard Fluttershy say. She of course did not read such filth. It was unbecoming of a lady and she most certainly did not have several boxes of said books stashed under her bed.

‘The morpheus stones are in place,’ said Princess Luna. ‘If the elements of harmony would step onto the glass.’

Twilight, Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie stepped onto the glass, the ribbons of light twirling brightly beneath their hooves. They turned to look at Fluttershy, who whimpered, before taking her place.

‘I would suggest that you try to discover what is going on in Bon Bon’s nightmare as soon as possible. If you sense that she is starting to wake you must return here immediately least you be discovered.’

‘The average pony only sleeps for seven hours, that doesn’t give us a lot of time.’

‘Do not worry Twilight Sparkle. I am confident that you and your friends will prevail. You defeated Nightmare Moon and Discord after all.’

‘Yes but not in less than seven hours,’ Twilight muttered under her breath.

‘Now I want you all to close your eyes and think about Bon Bon. Concentrate on what you imagine the morpheus stones to mean and how they connect to the pony Bon Bon truly is. When you feel the world shift around you, open your eyes and you will awake in her dream.’

Twilight closed her eyes and let the symbols etched onto the stones drifted through her mind, or at least she tried to. It just didn’t make any sense, pegasi and earth ponies couldn’t just teleport by thought alone and she had only ever done it once, when escaping with her spare gala ticket. Every time after that Twilight had needed to cast a spell. ‘There has to be some sort of spell? And how are we supposed to get back once we’re done? Are there morpheus stones on the other side?’

‘Twilight, this is mind-space you don’t need a spell, simply think it and it will be so. To return just turn your thoughts to Nightmare Castle.’

‘But Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie… okay forget Pinkie, can’t just vanish and reappear someplace else. Not to mention that every book I’ve read on the subject makes it clear that you must be able to visualize the place you’re teleporting to otherwise you’ll end up lost or worse.’

‘What’s worse than ending up in the wrong place?’ asked Dash.

‘Materialising into the theoretical magical void between dimensions, never to return.’

‘That does sound kinda bad.’

‘This does seem a rather odd way to get into another pony’s dream,’ agreed Fluttershy.

‘I was kinda expecting Twilight to do some sort of hocus pocus to get us there,’ added Applejack, cringing slightly at the glare Twilight sent her way.

Princess Luna listened as Twilight’s doubts twisted their way into the thoughts of her friends. If Luna didn’t come up with something very quickly, their mission would have to end before it even began.

‘If there was a talisman we could use then I guess that might work,’ said Twilight.

‘Though it is not needed, I can infuse an object with the magic I use to enter the dreams of my subjects.’ Twilight nodded. ‘Very well, Rarity may I borrow your fire ruby, it will make an excellent talisman.’

‘Of course Princess.’

‘If you would all please step out of the circle for a moment,’ said Princess Luna levitating the necklace from Rarity’s neck. Floating the gem above the portal, Luna closed her eyes as the ribbons of light rose up to greet it. They surrounded the ruby and bowed, then reaching out as if to take the gem’s hand they twirled and swirled and slithered a hypnotic dance before doing a backwards somersault and driving back beneath the glass. ‘You may now resume your places,’ she said returning the ruby to Rarity. ‘Simply touch the gem and once everypony has done so, you need only utter the words Demos Oneiroi.’

‘Is it safe having Rarity wearing the gem out in the open like that?’ asked Twilight, ‘It’s not exactly subtle, what if it falls into enemy hooves?’

Luna sighed. She was fast losing patience with her sister’s star pupil. Twilight’s need to understand everything about everything was going to be problematic at best and outright dangerous at worst. Luna would need to speak with Celestia. Perhaps she would have some suggestions on how best to handle the Twilight situation.

‘I could watch it for you,’ suggested Spike.

‘You’d need to come with us to do that,’ replied Twilight.

‘And?’

‘It’s too dangerous.’

‘What if I stay hidden?’

‘I don’t know Spike.’

‘But I could help.’

‘That might not be a bad idea,’ said Princess Luna. ‘This castle has plenty of information and useful devices stored within its walls. Having this young dragon relaying messages and gathering information might prove very useful in dispelling the nightmares.’ It occurred to Luna that there was another very good reason for having Spike travel with them but it was prudent to leave it unsaid, for now.

‘Bringing Spikey-wikey along does sound like a good idea.’

‘I guess so,’ sighed Twilight. ‘Fine but you’d better do exactly what I say mister. We don’t have time to go rescuing baby dragons that get themselves in trouble.’

‘Yes cause we totally don’t have to rescue the one holding our only ticket back home,’ said Dash.

Spike ran over to Rarity, blushing slightly as his fingers touched her soft skin. He removed the talisman and placed it around his neck. ‘Has everypony touched the gem?’

‘Yes.’

‘We good to go?’ asked Spike looking up at Twilight. Twilight nodded. ‘Okay then everypony hang on, Demos O…’

‘Hey I’m the leader. Shouldn’t I be the pony to say it?’

‘Really Pinkie, you’re going to be that pedantic?’ growled Twilight.

‘I don’t know what pedantic means but yep.’

‘Then get on with it,’ snapped Twilight.

‘Oki doki loki Demos Oneiroi.’

And in a flash, the elements of harmony and one baby dragon vanished.

Episode 1.4

1.4

Bon Bon landed on her left front hoof, twisting her body and swinging her rear hooves into Twilight’s chest. Sending the unicorn flying over the heads of Pinkie and Fluttershy to crash into the sandy floor of the arena. Bon Bon somersaulted through the air, twisting her body so that her hooves would crush Twilight’s skull had Rainbow not collided with her in mid-air, causing them to tumble to the ground.

‘Nopony hurts one of my friends and gets away with it.’ Rainbow snarled pushing her hoof into Bon Bon’s throat.

‘Rainbow let her go,’ said Twilight climbing back onto her hooves. ‘We’re here to help her remember.’

Dash snorted in Bon Bon’s face. The Princesses may have sent them here to help but if Bon Bon kept going with this crap Rainbow was going to pound her face as flat as the candy she sold in her shop. Dash lifted her hoof from Bon Bon’s throat allowing Bon Bon to roll up onto her back and nail Rainbow in the chest, sending the pegasus hurtling into the sky.

‘How dare you,’ screamed Fluttershy leaping onto Bon Bon’s chest and jumping up and down with the ferocity of a jackhammer. ‘You do not, I repeat, you do not hurt my friends. You got that?’

Bon Bon wasn’t in a position to respond as Fluttershy drove the air from her lungs. Applejack grabbed hold of Fluttershy and lifted her gently off the pony they were supposed to be helping. Bon Bon staggered back to her feet as she stared at the savages in confusion. Usually by now the cleaners would be clearing the piles of dead bodies from the arena. These ponies must be gladiators not savages. Madam Posey must be testing her to see if she is truly ready for the tournament. A quick glance at the mare earned Bon Bon nothing but a sweet smile in return. Time to show Madam Posey that this earth pony was more than ready.

‘Really, you’re going to pick a fight with little ol’ me,’ said Applejack as Bon Bon charged at the apple farmer who bucked trees for a living.

‘I think you may have overdone it, just a tad,’ said Rarity as Bon Bon collided with the wall on the far side of the arena.

‘Meh, I figured it would save us time if I just knocked her out.’

‘Hope that doesn’t make her wake up,’ said Twilight as they trotted over to Bon Bon’s body.

‘Don’t be silly Twilight, if the dream was over then all this would vanish faster than free cupcakes at Sugar Cube Corner. Oh now this won’t do, let’s turn this frown upside down,’ said Pinkie as she pushed up Bon Bon’s cheeks to form a distorted grin.

‘My poor Bon Bon, I told you that you weren’t ready for this.’

‘Ooh new mare in the fancy gown,’ said Pinkie letting go of Bon Bon’s face. ‘I’m Pinkie Pie. I just love meeting new ponies?’

‘Such strange ponies Bon Bon has dreamed up,’ said Madam Posey tapping Bon Bon gently on the cheek. ‘Time to wake up my dear Bon Bon.’

Twilight’s vision snapped to Madam Posey. She said dream. Madam Posey kept gently slapping Bon Bon’s cheek as Twilight continued to stare. She knew it was a dream. Only Twilight and her friends understood that, even Bon Bon clearly thought that all this was real.

‘Huh?’

‘Come we need to get you back home so you can rest.’

‘Rest,’ said Bon Bon stumbling back onto her feet.

‘Yes, you tried your best but it is time to put away childish notions of being with the Empress.’

‘No, I won’t give her up.’

‘Bon Bon you must listen to me. I truly wish that it were different, that right now you were standing beside Empress Lyra on her balcony at the Imperial Palace.’ Bon Bon’s eyes glazed over as she unconsciously looked in the direction of the palace. Madam Posey placed her hoof gently against Bon Bon’s cheek and turned her back. ‘I know it’s hard for you but there comes a time when a mare must put away filly dreams and face reality.’

‘I don’t wanna let go,’ said Bon Bon striking her hoof against the ground.

‘If you step into this arena tomorrow, you will die. You cannot win. You will be throwing your life away for a pony that doesn’t even know you exist.’

‘I will make her notice, the tournament…’

‘You will die! Why can’t you accept reality? When stepping into this arena tomorrow you will be all alone, a simple earth pony surrounded by unicorns and pegasi whose desire to impress the Empress is just as strong.’

‘Why alone, can’t Bon Bon’s friends join in on the fun?’ asked Pinkie thinking that this Madam Posey was one seriously wet blanket. Somepony needed to hang her from a clothesline.

‘Yes, I thought that teams could compete in these tournaments?’ said Twilight.

‘They can,’ replied Bon Bon. ‘The team’s usually consists of three or four ponies, unicorns and pegasi combining their talents of flight and magic.’

‘Yes, unicorns and pegasi not earth ponies.’

‘You’re an earth pony and you won a tournament in your youth.’

‘I was just an insignificant member of a much larger team of unicorns and pegasi. If it had been a team of earth ponies we would have lost.’

‘What a load of horse apples,’ said Applejack. ‘From the way she’s yapping you’d think earth ponies were inferior.’

‘Which is totally not cool, I mean look at all the crazy things Pinkie can do. Oh… um… yeah and all the great things AJ can do,’ added Rainbow after catching the expression on Applejack’s face.

‘I fear that Madam Posey is right, there is little chance of my winning the tournament tomorrow but I will enter anyway.’

‘But you’ll die.’

‘No she won’t,’ said Pinkie, ‘don’t forget you have us.’

‘Huh?'

‘We can help you with this tournament-thingy and show this Empress just what a Bon Bon can do.’

‘Um Pinkie I really think that we should be investigating…’

‘Silly Twilight I’m the… C A P T I N.’

‘That’s A I N Pinkie but I really think that…’

Pinkie pressed her hoof to Twilight’s lips, ‘So Bon Bon whataya say?’

‘You want to help me?’

‘Of course silly, we’re your friends.’

Bon Bon stared at the savages, the ah ponies who were offering to assist. Their help would dramatically improve her chances of winning but what if it diluted her ability to impress the Empress? Of course, if she didn’t make it through the first five minutes it wouldn’t matter. ‘I would be honoured.’

‘Even with their help Bon Bon you cannot win,’ said Madam Posey.

‘You are supposed to be my friend, why won’t you support me for once?’

Madam Posey took a step back, ‘Of course I’m your friend.’

‘Could have fooled us,’ said Dash.

‘I am simply trying to look out for you, but if you are determined to go through with this then you of course have my full support.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You should return the savages to their cell. It will keep them safe until the tournament. Then you should head home and rest.’

‘But what of the traditional prefight drink at The Winking Mare?’

‘Oh do not worry about that. I will make an appearance on your behalf. Perhaps if I mention your loss of consciousness during your practice fight it will lull them into believing you are easy prey.’

‘I am sorry for my outburst,’ said Bon Bon, ‘you are a true friend.’

‘It is quiet all right my dear. Just remember that I am always here for you.’

‘Shall we make our way back down to the cells,’ said Bon Bon.

‘Do we have to?’ whined Rarity, ‘I was just starting to enjoy the fresh air.’

‘Suck it up princess,’ said Applejack, ‘we’re here to help Bon Bon and if that’s where she wants us then that’s where we go.’

‘Humph.’

The girls made their way back down to the tunnel and to the tiny cage that would return them to their cell.

‘You’re coming down with us?’ asked Dash.

Bon Bon nodded. ‘It will be like going home. I spent many a sleepless night in those cells before Madam Posey rescued me.’

‘Yay, you’re talking like a normal pony again. I’d say things are starting to look up,’ cheered Pinkie as the cage door slammed shut and the groaning chains returned them to the depths of the coliseum.

Bon Bon led the way back through the tunnel and into the chamber where she opened the cell door.

‘Are you sure there isn’t any other accommodation we could use?’ asked Rarity.

‘I am afraid not, I can’t very well give you guest rooms in Madam Posey’s home when she asked me to bring you all here.’

‘You were able to get on her good side,’ said Fluttershy. ‘Maybe umm we could do the same?’

‘If you are all as fluent in Old Equestrian as your friend is then perhaps,’ smiled Bon Bon.

‘So what can you tell us about this tournament?’ asked Applejack.

‘It’s basically a big free-for-all between every prisoner, gladiator and a whole bunch of wild animals. The winner is either the last gladiator standing or a pony lucky enough to have caught the eye of the Empress.’

‘Sounds simple enough,’ said Rainbow.

‘Okay girls, here’s what we’re going to do to get Bon Bon her dream date with Lyra,’ said Pinkie.

‘Date?’ questioned Twilight.

‘Bon Bon, any chance you can get Twily, Rarity, Dashie and Flutters some of those extra fancy gowns?’

‘Umm sure, I guess.’

‘What do we want dresses for, they’ll only get in the way of us kicking ass?’ said Rainbow Dash.

‘You won’t be fighting silly, only Applejack and I will be joining Bon Bon in her little wrestling match.’

‘Just three of us? Wouldn’t it be better to?’

‘Imagine how impressed Empress Lyra will be when our little team of earth ponies turns all those unicorns and pegasi into piles of wobbly jelly,’ said Pinkie putting her hoof around Bon Bon’s neck.

‘That would be quite a feat, if we can pull it off.’

‘Of course we will. Madame Pinkie has seen your future and in it I get to throw you and Lyra a finally getting together party.’

‘And don’t forget you were planning on entering the tournament alone,’ said Applejack. ‘Having a couple of ponies watching your back will surely increase your chances of winning.’

‘Of course you are right, and I do appreciate all your help. Well I had better go find those gowns then head to bed.’

‘Okie Doki.’

Bon Bon looked at Pinkie.

‘Oh right, everypony into the cage. Well except for Bon Bon of course because that would be just silly. I mean if she locked herself inside how would…’ Twilight shoved Pinkie into the cage.

‘I should totally be on the fight team,’ said Rainbow once Bon Bon had disappeared down the tunnel. ‘I mean I am the best fighter here.’

‘I don’t know I’d kinda put my bits on Rarity,’ said Twilight earning a glare from Rainbow.

‘Sorry Dashie, it’s earth ponies only,’ replied Pinkie.

‘Uh Why?’

‘Because we need to turn her frown upside down.’

‘You’ve got to be kidding.’

‘And while you’re in the arena I take it that the rest of us will be going after Madam Posey?’ asked Twilight.

‘Don’t be silly, I need you guys to find Lyra and make sure that she notices Bon Bon.’

‘Pinkie I understand that building up Bon Bon’s self-esteem is important but discovering who this Madam Posey really is must be our top priority. We need to find out why she’s after Bon Bon and what her ultimate plans are.’

‘Sorry Twilight but I am in charge and cheering up my friends is just what Pinkie's here to do.’

‘Pinkie, Bon Bon’s obsession with Lyra, whatever that’s about, isn’t what’s important here.’

‘Romance is always important darling,’ said Rarity putting her hoof around Twilight’s neck. ‘Bon Bon and Lyra will make the cutest couple.’

‘But Bon Bon’s a mare.’

‘I’d be rather worried if you thought she was a stallion.’

‘But Lyra’s a mare.’

‘Oh come now Twilight, you’re a Canterlot mare. I’m sure you know plenty of same gendered couples,’ said Rarity.

‘You mean mares can be with each other, romantically?’

‘You’re kidding right, please tell me your kidding,’ said Rainbow. ‘No one can be that oblivious.’

‘This is Twilight we’re talking about,’ said Rarity.

‘Hey!’

‘Wow Twilight, you really need to get out more,’ said Pinkie. ‘Don’t you know ponies can love whomever they want?’

‘Well romance isn’t an area that I’ve spent any time studying.’

‘Good grief,’ groaned Rainbow. ‘Study, seriously.’

‘I mean I’ve read A Pony’s Guide to Reproduction, it was a class assignment.’

‘We all had to read that one,’ said Rarity with a grin.

‘I didn’t,’ replied Applejack. ‘Pa just took me outside when Winona’s grandmother and grandfather were going at it.’

‘And?’ the girls asked.

‘I am not giving you a thrust by thrust account. Bunch of horny mares,’ said Applejack.

‘But the book never mentioned anything about mares being with mares.’

‘Well of course not, that out-dated thing only deals with reproduction,’ said Rarity. ‘Oh and you realise that Stallions can be with Stallions too right?’

‘They can?’

‘Twilight darling, the next time we’re in Canterlot we’re so taking you to a gay bar.’

‘And how do you know where the gay bars are?’ asked Rainbow Dash.

‘Please I work in the fashion industry, need I say more. Although, I must say that it does get a bit annoying when you meet a nice stallion only to discover that their bits don’t swing your way.’

‘Look we’re getting off track here,’ said Twilight who’s cheeks at this point had turned quite red, ‘Madam Posey is the real target, not getting Bon Bon…’

‘Laid,’ said Rainbow Dash.

’Whatever, the point is that…’

‘Princess Celestia put Pinkie in charge,’ said Applejack placing her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. ‘And we should all just follow her orders.’

‘Fine,’ said Twilight storming off to the back of the cage.

‘Does that fact that Pinkie’s plan makes sense worry anypony else?’ asked Rarity.

The girls giggled.

‘We should all get some sleep if we’re to be fresh eyed and bushy tailed for Bon Bon tomorrow.’

‘Pinkie, we don’t have time to sleep. We have precious few hours left as it is.’

‘Twilight, Twilight, Twilight.’

‘Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie.’

‘That’s my name don’t wear it out, well actually it’s Pinkamena Diane Pie but what’s important is that this is a dream world. Just close your eyes and boom it’s competition time,’ said Pinkie lying down.

Applejack joined Pinkie on the cell floor, tipping her Stetson hat down over her eyes. Fluttershy dusted away some of the dirt with her tail before joining her friends. Rarity simply shook her head. ‘I’ll sleep standing up.’

Rainbow wandered over to Twilight and whispered in her ear. ‘Once Rarity’s asleep wanna do a bit of cow tipping?’ Twilight tried not to giggle but couldn’t help herself.

‘I heard that Rainbow Dash. Come near me and you will regret it.’

‘You do realise that the whole cow tipping thing is a myth right?’ said Twilight.

‘Huh?’

‘Cows don’t actually sleep standing up.’

‘Really?’

‘No they don’t, now can you two shut ya traps so we can get some shuteye,’ said Applejack.

Rainbow joined the others leaving Twilight as the only pony with her eyes still open. She looked at all her friends lying on the stone floor, well except for Rarity, and couldn’t help but wonder if being in Mind-Space was starting to affect their sanity. Closing your eyes would not make morning suddenly appear; the flow of time was constant and did not speed up simply because you were asleep.

‘Twilight close your eyes, you don’t want to be the odd pony out now do you,’ chirped Pinkie Pie. Twilight snorted.

‘That’s an order.’

Fine but there is no way that this was going to work, thought Twilight closing her eyes. It just wasn’t scientifically possible.

Madam Posey could hear the drunken chanting long before the pub came into view. There was also the stench of cider drifting by on the breeze. It was almost strong enough that a pony could get drunk simply by taking a deep breath. That was good, the mares inside would be easier to manipulate. Bon Bon was a constant battle. It would be nice to deal with unconsciously-controlled-background-ponies for a change, she thought as something grabbed hold of her leg.

‘A few bits for an old stallion?’

She kicked out at the beggar, sending him tumbling down the street where he came to rest in the gutter. Paying no attention to his bleeding body, she walked over to the guards standing beneath the lamps on either side of the door. They nodded as she passed and headed down the steps and into the dive known by all as The Winking Mare.

The smoky stench of cider, puke and cigars was in fine form as Madam Posey stepped through the swinging doors and into a place where no self-respecting member of society would dare to tread. A mare sitting in one of the booths grabbed hold of a waiter’s flank and said, ‘I wouldn’t mind tapping that big boy,’ before collapsing into a bowl of pretzels. Most of the other inhabitants showed more restraint, after all the gladiators had to fight in the morning and no pony wanted to take a hangover into the arena.

‘Been awhile Posey, what brings a former gladiator and current respected member of society to a dive like this?’

Madam Posey glanced over at the bartender who was filling several wooden mugs with cider before sliding them down the bar to the waiting patrons, one of whom missed his drink as it clattered to the floor. ‘You still have to pay for that,’ shouted the bartender.

‘I have a need that only a large number of mares can satisfy,’ replied Madam Posey as she climbed up onto the bar. Naturally, this one act caught the attention of every mare in the room, not to mention the waiters who stopped mopping up the puke so that they too could enjoy the show.

‘I can’t believe it, even though I have seen it with my eyes and heard it with my ears. How could a gladiator with so much promise bring so much dishonour to the code we have followed all our lives.’

‘Get on with it! You’re driving me to drink!’

Madam Posey smiled and waited for the laughter to die. ‘Yes, the traditional drink we gladiators share before going into battle and yet, have you noticed that one of us is absent tonight. She has chosen to spend the evening down with the savages, convincing them to fight for her when the morning comes.’

You could have heard a mug drop. In fact, everypony did as one of the drunks at the bar spilled their drink. Madam Posey glanced from gladiator to gladiator, making sure that every one of them had heard her words.

‘What is the betrayer’s name?’

‘Her name is Bon Bon.’

‘The former savage.’

‘Once a savage, always a savage.’

Madam Posey listened to the whispers spreading around the dimly lit room. ‘Yes, the savage I brought out of the darkness because she knew our language and our customs. She was a shining example of what a savage could become if they gave up their pagan ways. A savage who at the first sign of trouble has run back to her pack. A savage who wishes to corrupt our Empress but you must not let her. You must stop these savages before there is any chance of the Empress noticing the stain that has seeped into our ranks. We must protect the memories of our ancestors and wipe this blight from our world.’ A unanimous roar shook the very wood beneath her feet. ‘When these savages step into the arena tomorrow, you all know what you must do.'

‘Let their blood stain the sands of Adunare!’

Madame Posey smiled. When Bon Bon broke, she would be there to pick up the pieces and Bon Bon’s love would be hers for the taking.

Episode 1.5

1.5

‘Morning sleepyheads.’

Twilight’s eyes shot open to reveal Bon Bon standing on the other side of the cage door with a large box of gowns by her feet. But how… I just closed my eyes… it doesn’t. Twilight felt a hoof pressing against her chin and gently pulling her head to the right.

‘Think of it like Pinkie Sense,’ said Pinkie. ‘Perhaps it isn’t something you should spend too much time thinking about, silly filly.’

Twilight frowned. Oh, she would be spending plenty of time thinking about it just as soon as they got back to Nightmare Castle. Bon Bon opened the door, allowing the girls to step from the cell and stretch their legs.

‘The stitching on these gowns is simply a crime against fashion. It’s amazing that they don’t just fall apart in my hooves,’ said Rarity as she searched through the box for something that would go well with purple and white. ‘Girls, come over here and I will help you dress.’

‘I know how to put on a dress.’

‘Well then darling, be my guest,’ said Rarity tossing Rainbow a gown, her smirk growing ever larger the more that Rainbow struggled. ‘You sure you don’t need a hoof?’

‘No no I’m good. I’m almost done just have to… okay fine you win.’ Rarity giggled. ‘This has got to be the most complicated piece of clothing I have ever seen,’ said Dash.

‘Bon Bon, any advice on the best way to reach the Empress?’ asked Twilight as Rarity helped the non-earth ponies into their gowns.

‘Why would you want to know that?’

‘Pinkie would like us to make sure that the Empress notices your skill in the arena.’

‘I think that Pinkie is asking for the impossible.’

‘Twilight’s really good at performing miracles; she defeated Nightmare Moon and Discord after all.’

‘Are you familiar with the seating arrangements for the Amphitheatre?’

‘It goes from the most important mares up to the lowest plebs, with males seated at the very top.’

Bon Bon nodded. ‘Empress Lyra sits in the pulvinar, the imperial box located on the north side of the Amphitheatre. Naturally, it only has one entrance. A tunnel that can only be accessed from the Imperial Palace.’

‘That will make things difficult,’ said Twilight.

‘You might have more luck getting the Empress’s attention if you joined us in the battle.’

‘Don’t worry, Twilight will find a way into the thing-a-me box,’ said Pinkie. ‘She’s really good at sneaking into places. You should have seen her tiptoe her way into the Canterlot archives.’

‘Yes where we got noticed by everypony. A very successful infiltration attempt wouldn’t you agree Pinkie?’

‘Yep, it was amazing,’ said Pinkie with absolutely sincerity.

‘Twilight I hate to interrupt but it really is time for you to slip into the proper attire for our little enterprise,’ said Rarity who was already wearing one of the long flowing gowns.

‘And we need to go and collect our armour,’ said Bon Bon.

‘Good luck everypony.’

‘You too Pinkie,’ said Twilight grimacing as Rarity tightened the corset.

The hubbub died the instant Bon Bon led Pinkie Pie and Applejack into the waiting chamber. The gladiators all dressed in their gold plated armour stared at Bon Bon as she made her way over to the window in the wall.

‘Three sets please?’

‘Sponsor’s name?’

‘Madam Posey.’

The squire dumped three sets of bronze chest plates, helmets and saddle guards onto the counter.

‘I would like three sets of gold armour if you would be so kind,’ said Bon Bon with a hint of irritation in her voice.

‘Yeah well your sponsor only paid for you. You want three sets you get bronze. You want gold then forget about the savages, they’re just fodder anyway.’

‘The bronze armour will do just fine.’

‘Hmph, Madam Posey was right.’

Bon Bon cast the squire a funny look as she carried the armour over to the last bit of free bench space located right beside the hole where the gladiators did their business.

‘Do you guys get the feeling that we’re not welcome here?’ whispered Applejack.

‘The atmosphere is colder than the last time I was here,’ said Bon Bon, ‘and I find it odd that Madam Posey didn’t provide the necessary funds to secure the best armour for everypony.’

‘Well I think we should be thanking her,’ said Pinkie, ‘because with our bronze armour we’re bound to stand out amongst all that shiny gold.’

‘You are right Pinkie, the armour will certainly do that,’ said Bon Bon as she slipped on the chest plate.

‘Good thing we have these helmets,’ said Pinkie with a giggle as the vibrations from the hooves applauding above sent stone chips raining down on their heads.

‘Sure sounds like a lot of pony folk have come out to watch the fighting.’

‘Well this is the biggest event of the year,’ replied Bon Bon. ‘Almost every pony in the city is now sitting in the stands above our heads.’

‘You sure that you don’t want to wear a helmet?’ asked Bon Bon as she checked over Applejack and Pinkie Pie’s armour, making sure they had attached it properly.

‘Nah this hat is all the protection I need,’ replied Applejack as the chamber door slid open, flooding the room with light.

Through squinted eyes, Bon Bon saw the squire standing in the doorway.

‘All right you lot, get moving. Those who fight well can buy me a drink in the Winking Mare tonight.’

‘Ready girls?’ asked Bon Bon.

‘Ready.’

The roar of thousands swept around the stands as the gladiators stepped out onto the sandy floor of the arena. Applejack had never seen so many ponies. The Equestria Rodeo had only a couple of thousand sitting in the stands with far fewer competitors on the field. The number of gladiators spread out over the arena did not leave a pony much room to move.

‘Ooh when does it start? When does it start?’

‘When Empress Lyra raises her hoof into the air.’

Pinkie turned her head towards the elaborately constructed pulvinar. That was where they needed to head. It would make things easier for Twilight if she could spot them as soon as she arrived in the box. The ponies in the stands fell silent as Empress Lyra emerged from the shadows.

‘She’s simply breath taking.’

Pinkie grinned at Bon Bon; the silly filly had it bad. If she had just chortled at the kooky then there wouldn’t be the need for anypony to be here.

Up in the stands, Madam Posey was searching for Bon Bon with little success. She shouldn’t be this hard to spot with a bunch of savages watching her back. Madam Posey snorted when she came across the mares in bronze armour. The fools clearly had to pay for their own armour; they’d be the first to go. As the crowd fell silent Madam Posey turned her attention to Empress Lyra and smiled as the pony raised her right hoof. Soon this dream would be over and her work in the real would begin.

‘So what’s the plan Captain?’

‘Pinkie is the Captain Rainbow not me.’

‘Yeah well Pinkie’s not here right now is she?’

Twilight gave Dash a weak smile. She appreciated the thought but they needed to get to the pulvinar as fast as possible. Twilight wasn’t sure if Applejack or Pinkie could be hurt in this dream but there was no time for research so the sooner the fight ended the better. ‘No plan, just get to the Imperial Palace as fast as we can without drawing unnecessary attention to ourselves.’

Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy trotted down the narrow tunnel that still stank of sweat and blood.

‘It’s an absolute shame that such fabulous gowns have to be dragged through such filth.’

‘I prefer your dresses Rarity. For one thing they’re a lot more comfortable,’ said Twilight wishing that she could loosen the corset just a little.

‘Why thank you darling, comfort is of course a very important part of design.’

At the gate, Twilight reached into her saddlebag and pulled out the skeleton tailbone. Time to find out if this thing worked as well as the earbuds had. If it didn’t, Spike was going to hear about it. The gate swung open and the girls trotted up the street to ground level where Twilight took the first opportunity to get them off the road used for prisoners. Now if she recalled her history notes correctly, the Imperial Palace was located to the north of the amphitheatre. Problem was that without a map, Twilight had no clue where to go.

‘Rainbow which way’s north?’ whispered Twilight. Dash lifted her hoof and pointed to the right. ‘Thanks.’

‘This place is like a ghost town,’ said Rainbow as they headed back towards the amphitheatre.

Twilight glared at Dash who mouthed oops before zipping her lips shut with her hoof. Rainbow was right however, there was no pony around except for the odd guard but Twilight didn’t want to risk anypony overhearing their conversations.

The roar from the amphitheatre almost had the girls glancing up at the skies. Clearly, the fight had begun and their time was now very short. Twilight picked up the pace as they rounded the steps of the coliseum and proceeded towards the Imperial Palace.

‘Any idea how we’re going to get inside?’ asked Rainbow. Twilight gave her a look. ‘Oh right crap sorry.’

Twilight wasn’t so much annoyed because Rainbow had spoken but by the fact that she didn’t have an answer. It was going to be almost impossible to get inside without drawing the attention of the guards.

It would be rather difficulty for anypony to mistake the Imperial Palace as anything but the home of the Empress. Long wide platform steps covered in statues led up to the marble columns and elaborately carved stone walls of the palace.

‘And I thought the Canterlot palace was the most prestigious building I would ever get to see.’

Twilight glared at Rarity then decided to give Dash and Fluttershy one for good measure. Perhaps she should just magically glue their lips together and be done with it. Heading up the platform steps, Twilight paused next to one of the Lyra statues. She had to stifle a giggle as stone Lyra reached up to the sky with a gloved three-fingered hand instead of a hoof. The fingers most likely represented the three major cities of preclassical Equestria but still, the idea of ponies with hands was simply ludicrous. It was the sort of idea Pinkie Pie would come up with.

‘Psst.’

Twilight glanced over at Rainbow who flicked her nose towards the palace. Several guards were marching in their direction, luckily a different squad than the ones who had arrested them when they first entered the city.

‘May I enquire as to why four young mares are making their way to the Imperial Palace instead of towards the tournament currently underway in the amphitheatre?’

Twilight met the guard’s gaze while her mind scrambled to prepare a plausible response. As one of the guards took a step forward, Fluttershy let out her trademark squeak. Fluttershy… of course. ‘We’re from Monacornus and we wished to see the Imperial Palace while visiting this fine city. Our friend Fluttershy has a nervous disposition and feels unwell in large crowds, so we thought that this would be an excellent time to visit the palace.’

Fluttershy took a couple of steps backwards as all the guards turned towards her. What if they asked a question and expected her to answer? Fluttershy did the only thing she could think of, drop to the ground and cover her eyes with her hooves.

The guards looked at each other and shrugged. ‘Proceed.’

As the guards headed back to their posts, Twilight leaned over and whispered in Fluttershy’s ear. ‘It’s safe to get up.’

Twilight and Rainbow rolled their eyes as Rarity began dusting the dirt from Fluttershy’s dress before Fluttershy had even started to rise from the ground.

‘What? Only a savage would allow their dress to remain filthy.’

Dash and Twilight giggled as they made their way into the palace’s grand entrance hall.

‘Oh my visitors, and here I was thinking that my boss was just being a meanie pants for making me work through the tournament. I mean who would want to tour the palace while there’s a big fight going on. But noooo, I had to work just because I got Empress Lyra day off. Oh but where are my manners, would you like to go on a free tour of the palace?’

‘Um sure, that would be wonderful,’ said Twilight unable to stop staring at the stallion’s bright lime green suit and large top hat with the word tour guide stamped across it.

’Fantastic, if you four lovely mares would kindly follow me…’

Twilight plastered a big smile across her face and couldn’t help but wonder just how many glasses of red cordial the stallion had consumed before he started his shift. He had almost as much energy as Pinkie Pie, if those two got together and had foals…

‘And on this very spot two hundred years ago Empress Firefly chopped off the head of her own daughter and that of the savage she was trying to sneak into her room. You can still see the bloodstains on the floor.’

Twilight couldn’t stop herself from glancing at the tiles. The guide was right which was kinda creepy. You’d have thought that somepony would have replaced the tiles sometime in the past two hundred years. Twilight shook her head, while this was fascinating they weren’t here for a history lesson. They needed to get to the tunnel as quickly as possible.

‘Fascinating,’ said Twilight, ‘but what my friends and I are really curious about is the rumour that there is a tunnel that leads straight to the pulvinar in the Amphitheatre.’

‘Oh that’s no rumour, it’s right down that corridor. Would you like to see it?’

‘Really you can take us there? We would be ever so grateful.’

The corridor had a rather surprising number of guards considering how close they were getting to the Empress. There were just two standing on either side of the entrance, both of whom were currently resting their eyes.

‘The tunnel was originally built not for security but because Empress Bubbles got tired of shaking everyponies hoof on the way back to the palace.’ At the sound of the tour guide’s voice, the guards leapt to attention and quickly adjusted their armour as the tour group approached.

‘Psst.’ Once Rainbow had Twilight’s attention she put her hoof around Fluttershy’s neck and gave it a subtle pretend twist. Twilight shook her head. There would be no snapping of necks, even if there were technically no laws against killing dream ponies. What they needed was something that would get them out of the way. What they needed… of course, but what to cast it on. There wasn’t really anything around except for that silly hat on the stallion’s head.

‘Hey what are you doing!’ shouted the guards as Twilight squeezed her eyes shut and channelled her magical energy through her horn. Dash moved to block the guards as they rushed towards Twilight while heart shapes floated up towards the tour guide’s hat.

‘Nopony look at the hat!’ shouted Twilight.

‘Oh my gosh what are you doing?’ said the tour guide scrambling to knock the hat from his head.

‘I must have that hat,’ said one of the guards as the glow around Twilight’s horn faded.

‘Absolutely not, this is my hat. You can’t have it.’

‘Then I will just have to take it.’

‘You’re going to have to catch me first,’ said the tour guide, grabbing his hat and galloping off down the corridor.

‘Oh no you don’t it’s mine,’ growled the guards as they chased after the stallion.

‘May we open our eyes now?’ asked Rarity.

‘The coast is clear,’ replied Twilight.

‘The Need It Want It spell?’ said Rainbow with a grin.

‘It’s all I could think of,’ replied Twilight as they trotted down the tunnel.

‘Pity the tour guide didn’t run this way, that hat could have distracted the whole stadium,’ said Fluttershy.

‘Yes, including Bon Bon, Applejack, Pinkie and the Empress.’

‘Oh my yes that would be problematic.’

‘So what are we going to do about the guards protecting the Empress?’

‘There will be no snapping of necks Rainbow Dash.’

‘Oh come on it’s not like they’re alive or anything.’

‘I find this violent streak of yours quite disturbing,’ said Rarity.

‘Chill guys I’m just joshing with ya.’

‘I’m kinda hoping they’ll be so enthralled with the battle that they won’t notice us sneaking in,’ responded Twilight. It wasn’t much of a plan but it was the best she could come up with without detailed knowledge of what awaited them in the pulvinar.

‘Stay together,’ said Bon Bon. ‘If you get separated and suddenly find yourself walking on white fluffy clouds with the sun on your back, don’t worry you’re already dead.’

What a cheery thought pondered Applejack as she bucked a gladiator in the chest and sent her hurtling into a group of fighters, knocking them over like bowling pins.

Bon Bon scoped up a small pile of sand and flicked it into the face of an approaching gladiator. As the mare tried to rid her eyes of sand, Bon Bon pounded her chest armour with several powerful kicks.

‘Eat dirt Pinkie Pie style!’ The blast from the party cannon caused a momentary lapse in the fighting as every gladiator turned to look at the mare lying face down in the sand and covered in streamers.

‘Have you noticed that they seem to be lining up just to fight us?’ mentioned Applejack while ducking under a pair of hooves that knocked the Stetson from her head.

‘You really should have taken the helmet and yes they do seem to be giving us quite a lot of attention,’ said Bon Bon.

‘They’re just jealous of our super cool armour,’ replied Pinkie.

Applejack bucked the gladiator in the chest, sending the mare falling to the ground where she sunk her hindquarters into the gladiator’s stomach. ‘That’s for knocking off my hat,’ said Applejack returning her prized possession to its rightful place.

‘Wee this is fun.’

Applejack glanced up to see Pinkie floating in the sky and spinning like a windmill.

‘Levitation spell,’ said Bon Bon. ‘Look there, the pegasi protecting that unicorn. You go high, I’ll go low.’

Charging like a bull Applejack launched herself into the air, grabbing hold of the pegasus and slamming her into the gladiators that were guarding the unicorn’s rear. Bon Bon slid across the sand, knocking two of the pegasi off their hooves before banging their heads together. Realising she was in trouble, the unicorn cut off the spell and turned to face the savages.

‘Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!’ Applejack and Bon Bon smirked at each other as Pinkie Pie landed on the unicorn, turning her into a pancake.

The blast of a horn and the roar from the stands had every gladiator turning towards the gates as hordes of timberwolves and manitcores poured into the arena. The rest of the gladiators quickly forgot about Bon Bon and the savages as they turned their attention to threats they couldn’t afford to ignore.

‘Now might be a good time to start making our way over to the Empress,’ suggested Applejack.

Bon Bon nodded as she removed a timberwolf’s head with a single kick. Weaving their way through gladiators, timberwolves and manitcores, they had almost made it to the pulvinar when blood-curdling screams rose up from the gladiators behind them. Bon Bon, Applejack and Pinkie Pie turned around to see a giant three-headed hound tossing ponies into the air as if they were chew toys.

‘Here boy!’

‘Pinkie are you mad?’

‘Now there’s a silly question,’ said Applejack. ‘I take it that there is a reason why you want that critter’s attention?’

‘Well can you think of a better way to catch Empress Lyra’s eye?’

‘Take on Cerberus are you mad?’ growled Bon Bon.

‘She’s as mad as a rattlesnake,’ replied Applejack, ‘but she does have a point. Empress Lyra will be mightily impressed with anypony who is brave enough to take on that hellhound.’

Bon Bon’s eyes grew wide as Cerberus bounded towards them. The things a mare had to do to catch the attention of their special somepony. ‘We’ll take a head each. I’ll take the middle, Pinkie the right, Applejack the left. If we attack all three heads at once we stand a better chance of not ending up as kibble.’

With the other gladiators keeping their distance, all they had to worry about were four sets of claws, three sets of jaws and 126 very sharp teeth. The three heads of Cerberus lunged at the three ponies who dared to stand before him. Pinkie bounced over the snapping jaws while Applejack rolled to the left and Bon Bon performed a faultless backwards summersault to avoid the central head’s bloodstained teeth.

‘Now now Bubbles play nice,’ said Pinkie.

‘Bubbles?’

‘Yep Bubbles, oh and we mustn’t forget Foamy and Fred.’

‘Right,’ responded Applejack giving Fred a whack on his muzzle. Fred responded by grabbing hold of Applejack’s tail and flinging her across the arena.

Bon Bon dodged a swipe from the claws to give Foamy a bloody nose as Applejack weaved her way passed stacks of unconscious bodies and the occasional intercepting gladiator, to arrive back in time to see Pinkie plop onto the neck of one of Cerberus’s heads.

‘Here I am Bubbles.’ Bubbles growled as he shook his head violently from side to side. ‘Wow Bubbles you’re better than the mechanical bull I hired for AJ’s birthday. Tell me, do you do parties?’ Pinkie leapt calmly into the air as Fred and Foamy sank their teeth into Bubbles’s neck. All three heads screamed in agony as droplets of blood splattered onto the sand.

‘It’s a good thing Fluttershy isn’t here. She’d be really upset that you hurt poor Cerberus,’ said Applejack.

‘Yes poor Cerberus,’ said Bon Bon with a sneer.

Fluttershy trotted along behind Twilight and the others as they neared what looked like a wall of white light. The steadily increasing sound of her own heartbeat started to overpower her thoughts the closer they trotted to the end of the tunnel. Why was she here? She should be back on the moon babysitting the fillies, the Cutie Mark Crusaders she could handle. Derpy was the one who should here. She was a pegasus. Derpy could do anything they would need her to do, unless it was looking after fluffy little animals but there wasn’t likely to be many of them in a pony’s nightmare.

‘Fluttershy, you okay?’ whispered Twilight.

Fluttershy looked up from the stone floor and nodded meekly.

‘Don’t worry Flutters. All we need to do is show this Lyra pony how awesome Bon Bon is and we’re out of here,’ said Dash wrapping her wing around her fellow pegasus.

‘Dash keep your voice down,’ whispered Twilight as they approached the light. ‘We step through in three… two… one.’

Twilight’s eyelids slammed shut as the sunlight robbed her of her vision. The seconds ticked by as she waited for her eyes to adjust, her skin prickling in anticipation of a guard’s hooves forcing her to the ground. After a terrifying minute Twilight was able to part her eyes enough to see that the guards were too engrossed in the fighting to notice the four intruders standing at the back of the box. Twilight certainly hoped that her brother trained his guards better than this.

‘Hey what are you doing in here?’

Okay so maybe they were paying attention. Chaos erupted as the guards leapt at the intruders. Rainbow took off with several on her tail, at least for as long as it took Dash to build up speed. Now this was more like it she thought, twisting and churning through the air above the arena. The nearly transparent bubble still prevented her from vanishing into the great blue beyond. Not that she would of course. Rainbow Dash did not leave her friends hanging.

‘Get her!’

Rainbow stuck out her tongue then led the guards on a merry chase around the arena while the remaining pegasus guards sandwiched Fluttershy between them. Not that it occurred to Fluttershy to use her wings but she would have run if her legs had not been trembling.

Several guards lay unconscious at Rarity’s feet after several well-placed kicks and more would have followed had the guards not grabbed her from behind. ‘Put me down you ruffians! This is not how you treat a lady?’

‘What curse are you trying to put on us witch?’

‘Oh Twilight would you be a dear and translate for the guards.’

Twilight was too busy weaving her way through to the front of the box to even hear Rarity’s words. Glancing down into the arena Twilight saw Bon Bon, Applejack and Pinkie Pie in a fierce battle with Cerberus. What the hay? How the heck did he get out again? Twilight felt the guards grab onto her flank. Twisting around, she turned to face Lyra who seemed unperturbed by the chaos going on around her as she sat in her oversized throne.

‘Empress Lyra look, those gladiators in bronze armour led by the earth pony Bon Bon are taking on the great beast Cerberus in your honour!’ It was all Twilight could think of to do. Unfortunately, the Need It Want It spell would not work on a single pony. Besides, in a situation like this, its use would be completely unethical.

‘Throw the savages into the arena,’ ordered the Commander of the Guards.

‘Wait,’ interrupted the Empress, ‘If they are so desperate for me to see these earth ponies fight then let their fate be linked to the success of those fighting the beast.’

Bon Bon dodged to the left as Foamy’s snout pummelled into the ground.

‘Now.’ Applejack and Bon Bon bucked Foamy on either side of his head. While Bubbles and Fred tried to swallow Bon Bon and Applejack whole, Pinkie used the time to stuff her party cannon full of sand.

‘Hey guys look at me! Look at me!’ BOOM! Thousands of sand granules and several large rocks pelted the three faces of Cerberus. ‘Hey Bon Bon, Twilight did it Empress Lyra is watching,’ said Pinkie.

Bon Bon glanced over at the pulvinar. It was now or never. Crouching down on her hind legs, Bon Bon leapt into the air and with a twist kick wacked Foamy’s muzzle with all her strength. The force of the impact giving several of Foamy’s teeth the gift of freedom and Foamy the gift of unconsciousness.

’Pinkie can I borrow your party cannon?’

‘Sure thing.’

‘Going to try killing two birds with one stone, can you keep Bubbles and ah Fred distracted for a minute or two?’

‘Can do,’ replied Applejack. ‘Hey Cerberus bet you can’t grab this bull by the horns.’

‘Pfft bet he can’t catch me,’ said Pinkie.

As Applejack and Pinkie Pie played tag with Cerberus, Bon Bon weaved in and out of the gladiators as she searched for the perfect stone. And there it was, resting peacefully between the rear hooves of a gladiator that was busily trying to knock out a fellow competitor with a left hook. Bon Bon knocked over the gladiator’s hind legs, causing her to tumble and smash her head against the rock. The other fighter looked at Bon Bon in surprise then horror as Bon Bon’s hoof connected with her nose. ‘Hope her helmet didn’t damage it,’ said Bon Bon pushing the gladiator away so that she could lift up the stone and waddle back towards the cannon on her hind legs.

‘High five Bubbles, ha ha too slow,’ said Pinkie with a giggle.

Bon Bon dropped the rock into the end of the party cannon. After writing out a couple of quick calculations in the sand, Bon Bon trotted over to the edge of the arena to mark a giant cross on the ground. ‘Applejack, over here if you please.’

‘Yeehaw this way little doggy.’

Bon Bon watched as Cerberus bounded towards the mark with a still unconscious Foamy dangling like a limp sausage between the other two heads. Bon Bon lit the fuse and the rock blasted from the end of the cannon only to sail over the heads of the hellhound.

‘Darn we missed.’

‘Did we,’ replied Bon Bon as the rock collided with one of the amphitheatre’s support columns and split in two, the fragments ricocheting into the back of Bubbles and Fred’s heads. With a grunt, Cerberus teetered for a moment before collapsing to the ground.

Up in the pulvinar, Twilight turned to Lyra. ‘Surely such an impressive performance should be rewarded Empress?’ This was it, if Lyra decided not to meet with Bon Bon then Twilight would have to write Princess Celestia a sorry we failed letter. Actually, that was Pinkie’s job now. Maybe there were advantages to being second in command after all.

Bon Bon glanced up to towards the pulvinar only to find herself caught in the gaze of the Empress. Her mouth went dry as the sound of the continuing battle faded away. Bon Bon wished to remove her helmet and wipe away the beads of sweat now dribbling down the side of her face, but didn’t want to risk it in case the Empress misinterpreted the action as disinterest.

‘Sound the horn.’

The sound of a single horn brought the arena to a standstill as every gladiator turned towards the imperial box. This turned out to be a rather silly move for those still battling timberwolves and manitcores.

‘Bring this Bon Bon and her fighting companions to me. I wish to meet them.’

The pegasus guards who had spent their time keeping Fluttershy grounded, saluted and flew down to the arena as Dash shot passed with two guards still in toe.

‘Dash!’

Rainbow circled back and landed beside Twilight. It looked like playtime was over. Dash smirked as her pursuers crashed into the back of the pulvinar and lay on the floor gasping for air. One by one, the pegasus guards dropped Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Bon Bon at the feet of the Empress.

‘Well somepony’s dream is about to come true,’ giggled Pinkie.

‘Shh,’ said Applejack as the three earth ponies bowed to the Empress.

‘Bon Bon, your performance in the arena today was most impressive.’

‘Thank you Empress.’

‘Would you mind joining me in my chamber so that we may talk in private? My guards will attend to your companions.’

‘I would be honoured my Empress.’

Empress Lyra stepped down from her throne and indicated that Bon Bon should follow as she disappeared back into the tunnel.

‘What are you laughing about?’ asked Twilight.

‘Talk.’ Snorted Dash. ‘Sure if you count moaning each other’s name as talking.’

‘What are you savages say…’ The guards in the pulvinar vanished as the colours started to bleed from the walls of the amphitheatre. The screams of the gladiators and the cheers of the crowds ceased in an instant as whole sections of the audience vanished one after the other, leaving behind empty seats that vanished moments later.

‘What’s going on?’

‘Well considering that Lyra and Bon Bon were about to have a bit of how’s your father, the horizontal bop, hit a home run, slap and tickle, rock the casbah…’

‘Yes thank you Pinkie, I’m sure even Twilight knows what you mean,’ said Rarity.

‘Ah not really.’

‘She means they’re having sex,’ Rainbow whispered in Twilight’s ear.

‘Oh.’

‘So naturally Bon Bon is waking up before anything interesting can happen,’ said Pinkie.

‘I hate when that happens,’ mumbled Dash.

‘Um girls don’t you think we ought to get back to Spike before this whole place disappears,’ said Applejack.

‘Down the tunnel,’ said Twilight, leading the charge back to the Imperial Palace. ‘What the?’ As they galloped through the wall of white light at the opposite end of the tunnel, Twilight had excepted to be back in the palace, not running through tall grass.

‘So how did it go?’

‘No time, we need the gem. Bon Bon is waking up.’

Spike rolled the rock out of the way and started to dig.

‘He buried my necklace?’ said Rarity.

‘He swallowed it originally,’ replied Twilight. ‘I thought burying it was a less disgusting option.’

‘Yes, quite.’

Spike pulled the fire ruby from the earth as the grass turned grey and the sky vanished leaving nothing in its place.

‘Quick everypony touch the talisman,’ said Twilight as the tall grass disappeared. Now only the ground they were standing on remained.

‘Demos Oneipoli.’

‘Pinkie! It’s Demos Oneiroi,’ said Twilight as the ground beneath their hooves vanished.

Bon Bon sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes. That had to be the strangest dream she had ever had. She pushed back the covers and stumbled into the en suite. She turned on the light and gazed at her reflection.

‘This is it Bon Bon. Today is the day. When you see Lyra for lunch, you will ask her out on a date. Won’t you Bon Bon?’

Episode 1.1

1.1

It was almost too beautiful, the sphere high above the horizon with its shades of green and blue surrounded by the emptiness of space. Applejack’s ears twitched as she shifted the weight on her hooves. The lack of a breeze rustling her tail and the absence of a cricket’s night song was… unsettling. It just wasn’t natural. Maybe the shimmering magical dome surrounding them had something to do with it.

‘Where are we?’ asked Twilight.

‘Well umm I’d say the moon, going by the grey dust covering the ground and the rather large planet in the night’s sky. But umm I could be wrong,’ mumbled Fluttershy.

‘We’ve been banished!’ cried Twilight.

‘Here we go,’ said Rainbow.

‘It was the Changeling invasion wasn’t it? Our failure to obtain the Elements?’

‘Is she always like this?’ asked Scootaloo, the filly’s eyes following Twilight as she paced back and forth.

‘Every day,’ sighed Spike.

‘Really?’ squeaked Sweetie Belle.

‘Well, every second day.’

‘Do you feel that I am no longer taking my studies in friendship seriously? Did you find out that I skipped a spa date with Rarity to study that fascinating specimen of mildew I discovered under the kitchen sink?’

Spike sent little puffs of moon dust into the air as he skipped towards Rarity. ‘I would have gladly taken her place but Twilight wouldn’t let me.’ Rarity gave Spike a small smile and a quick pat on the head.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack glanced at each other as Twilight’s pacing began chipping away at the moon rock.

‘Teeth, Tail, Horseshoe?’ suggested Applejack.

‘You’re on.’

‘Close your eyes and no peeking.’

‘I know the rules.’

‘Just making sure, wouldn’t want ya claiming I never said nothing. I don’t want a repeat of the Iron Pony competition.’

‘Would you like to tie up my wings too?’

‘Already would have but I ain’t got my rope,’ said Applejack with a grin. ‘Ready in three…two…one.’

Rainbow shut her eyes tight and lifted up her right hoof.

‘Open.’

AJ’s flank was right up in Rainbow’s face, her tail swishing back and forth.

‘Ah pony feathers.’

‘Now don’t feel too bad,’ said Applejack turning around, ‘but it might help if you didn’t pick the same thing every time.’

‘Stupid tail beating horseshoe.’

‘Look on the bright side, now you get to be the first pegasus to fly on the moon.’

Rainbow smirked; she wouldn’t need flight to take care of Twilight. Dash crouched down and allowed the dramatic tension to build while she contemplated the effects of a low gravity environment on the amount of kinetic energy required to not over jump her target.

‘Please Princess, tell me what I did wrong. Are you mad that I sorted the books in the Ponyville Library by their Equestrian Standard Book Number? Oomph.’ Twilight spat the dust from her mouth before glancing over her shoulder at a grinning Rainbow Dash perched on her flank.

‘Chill egghead. I’m pretty sure we haven’t been banished.’

‘Yes, the Princess would never do something so uncouth…’

BURP!

‘Apple Bloom!’

‘… as to banish us without so much as an explanation darling. Besides, none of us has done anything to warrant such a harsh response.’

‘Well Derpy did destroy the Ponyville Town Hall…,’ said Rainbow.

‘My bad,’ responded Derpy sending the Cutie Mark Crusaders into a fit of giggles.

‘… but that’s hardly a reason to banish anypony.’

‘Rainbow Dash is indeed correct my faithful student.’

‘Princess, you’re looking rather transparent this evening.’

‘It is a consequence of entering a pony’s dream while still being awake.’

‘This is a dream?’

‘Don’t be silly Twilight. We haven’t even gone to bed yet. I mean…’ Pinkie’s voice faded away as she tried to remember how they had all ended up on that giant cheese ball in the night’s sky.

‘This is going to be the most awesome, most stupendous party in Equestrian history which is saying something cause it isn’t one of mine and everypony knows that I’m the best at parties but it’s a Princess party so it’s bound to be really really good.’

‘Well I think that it is a tremendous honour that Princess Celestia has invited us all to a private soiree at the castle. The Canterlot elite must be turning a delightful shade of green. It’s a shame though that we couldn’t find a foalsitter on such short notice,’ said Rarity as she polished the fire ruby necklace dangling around her neck.

‘I don’t see why we can’t go to the party,’ grumbled Apple Bloom.

‘We promise to be good,’ pleaded Sweetie Belle.

‘We’ll even Pinkie Promise,’ said Scootaloo.

‘I’m sorry girls. It’s not that we don’t want you to go but the invitation clearly states that only invited guests may attend. No exceptions.’

‘It really says that?’ asked Apple Bloom.

‘Take a look,’ said Spike.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders glanced down at the scroll in Spike’s claws.

Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce The Elements of Harmony Gala to be held in the magnificent capital of Canterlot. Her Grand Royal Highness cordially invites Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Twilight Sparkle to this private celebration.

Please note that due to the nature of the celebration baby dragons and other uninvited guests will not be able to attend.

‘See even I’m not allowed to go.’

‘That didn’t stop you trying to add your name to the list,’ scolded Twilight.

‘Would have worked too if the Princess hadn’t cast a protective spell over it,’ Spike mumbled out the side of his mouth as the train shuddered to a stop.

‘Yay party time,’ cheered Pinkie whipping out her party cannon and lighting the fuse.

‘Pinkie Pie please, at least save the celebration until everypony has gotten off the train,’ said Rarity.

‘Oki doki loki,’ grinned Pinkie as she shoved the cannon through the door.

Streamers and balloons rained down on the ponies waiting patiently on the platform. Pinkie Pie met their expressions of displeasure with a huge grin as she stepped off the train.

‘HALT!’

Several unicorn guards rushed forward and seized the earth pony in their magical grip.

‘Such uncouth behaviour,’ grumbled an elderly pony as she cleaned the confetti from her glasses.

‘Don’t even think about it,’ whispered Applejack as she clamped Apple Bloom’s lips shut.

‘Excuse me sirs, is there a problem?’ asked Twilight.

‘Name?’

‘Hi I’m Pinkie Pie.’

The guards turned to each other and nodded, releasing Pinkie from the spell.

‘You’re expected at the Palace. Please make your way there with great haste. We also strongly advise against firing your eh cannon in public spaces.’

‘That was odd,’ said Twilight as the guards returned to their stations.

‘We’re missing valuable party time,’ bounced Pinkie as she herded her friends towards the exit. ‘Move it, move it, move it!’

‘We’re moving as fast as we can sugar cube.’

‘Mmm sugar, do you think the Princess will have lots of cake at her party?’

‘Eh Pinkie, Celestia, just like us,’ grinned Scootaloo recalling the headline.

‘You know girls, you could use this opportunity to apologize to the Princess,’ said Twilight.

Scootaloo glanced at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle before dropping her eyes to the pavement. She had completely forgotten that while they had printed an apology letter to the ponies of Ponyville, they kind-of-sort-of conveniently forgot to send one to the Princess. Just how did one go about apologizing to royalty?

‘Oomph.’

‘Smooth move squirt,’ retorted Rainbow Dash.

Scootaloo found herself suddenly sitting on her flank and staring at a couple of grey coloured hooves.

‘Sorry Ma’am.’

‘Ma’am,’ the pony giggled, ‘that’s what ponies call my mother.’

‘Derpy, whatcha doing here in Canterlot?’ asked Pinkie.

‘Visiting family,’ said Derpy quietly. ‘What about you guys?’

‘We’re here to party!’

‘A Muffin party?’

‘Wouldn’t be much of a party without muffins,’ scoffed Pinkie.

‘We’d invite you to join us but there is a strict guest list. In fact we still need to find a foalsitter for these four,’ said Twilight.

‘What about your parents?’ suggested Rarity. ‘They live close by.’

‘They’re usually pretty busy. It’s why I spent so much time with Princess Cadance as a filly.’

‘I could watch them for you Twilight,’ said Derpy as everypony stared at the cross-eyed mare.

‘Gee thanks Derpy,’ said Pinkie.

‘Didn’t you mention something about family? We wouldn’t want to impose such a burden onto them.’

Derpy gave Rarity a small smile, ‘I’d much rather hang out with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Hey, maybe I can help you guys get your cutie marks.’

‘I’d rather they were kept out of everypony’s way,’ said Twilight.

‘I can do that,’ said Derpy.

Twilight glanced at Rarity and Applejack. It was really their decision. Spike could look after himself and Scootaloo… why wasn’t she at home with her parents? Maybe they could have watched Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom too. Wonder why none of us thought of that? Twilight had the excuse of never having met Scootaloo’s parents but surely the others should have thought of asking.

‘We’re missing valuable party time you guys,’ grumbled Pinkie pointing at a hoof-watch that Twilight was sure hadn’t been there a moment ago.

‘Thank you Derpy, you’re an absolute life saver,’ said Rarity.

‘No problem, I like helping ponies.’

‘Is that what you call it,’ mumbled Rainbow.

‘Time’s a-wasting,’ said Pinkie as she once again started herding her friends, Derpy included, down the main street towards the castle.

‘Sure are a lot of guards about,’ mumbled Twilight, more to herself than to her friends. ‘I’ve never noticed them on every street corner before, not even during the wedding.’

‘Hey it’s the Wonderbolts!’

Every pony glanced up as several pegasi in snug-fitting uniforms flew in tight formation overhead.

‘Drat, I was hoping they’d at least do a barrel role,’ said Dash.

The familiar conical spires with their twisting stripes of purple and gold glistened in the light of the setting sun. To Twilight, entering the castle felt like coming home. After all, the number of hours spent browsing the shelves of Princess Celestia’s personal library far exceed those spent with Shining Armor. As a filly, Twilight used to imagine that the sunflower etched into the centre of the golden arch was smiling down at her as she trotted across the drawbridge. Despite the absurdity of the notion, Twilight couldn’t help but glance up. The symbolic flower’s illusory eyes greeted her like an old friend but the welcoming smile had disappeared, hidden beneath wooden planks.

Pinkie Pie bounced head first into Twilight’s behind. ‘Oops, sorry Twilight. You stopped awfully suddenly and I couldn’t decide if I had enough time to screech to a halt or if I should try to dodge. Guess your flank decided for me huh? Hey why did you stop?’ Gasp! ‘What a brilliant idea Twilight. Everypony, conga line across the moat.’

‘Ah, that’s going to be little hard with the drawbridge being up and all,’ counted Applejack.

‘But the drawbridge is never up. Never.’ Twilight shivered. It was as if her family had sold the house and moved to Los Pegasus without telling her or as if a certain brother had forgotten to tell his sister that he was getting married.

‘Looks like the Princess is taking the idea of a private party a little too seriously,’ said Rainbow.

‘I doubt that this has anything to do with our little soiree with the Princess. Canterlot guards are more than capable of keeping out a few nosy nobles,’ said Rarity.

‘Maybe the Princess has changed her mind,’ added Fluttershy, ‘We should just head back to Ponyville.’

‘If Equestria is in danger then it is our duty as the Elements of Harmony to assist in whatever way we can,’ replied Twilight trotting up to the edge of the moat. ‘EXCUSE ME SIRS, WE REQUIRE ENTRANCE TO THE CASTLE!’

A stallion wearing a gold plated helmet with a blue striped plume appeared in the gap between the merlons. A pale blue light flowed along the torus-shaped links that held the drawbridge in place, the chains straining against the shifting weight with an escalating groan until silenced by the earth. Once the dust had settled and much to Pinkie Pie’s disappointment, they walked, not congaed, their way into the gatehouse.

Rarity had only walked the red velvet carpet leading up to the enormous gold doors maybe, a dozen times in her life. Each time she couldn’t help but purr a little as she felt the lush fibres under hoof. If it weren’t for the cost, Rarity would have every square centimetre of Carousel Boutique covered with it. Well, maybe in a different colour. That much red would be too obtrusive for any pony to handle, even Pinkie Pie.

Fluttershy let out a soft short squeal as the rattling chains dragged the drawbridge back into the sky, blocking out the fading sunlight and entombing the ponies within the castle walls. She crept up closer to her friends as Twilight nodded to the guards as they passed through the doors into the grand entrance hall.

‘Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student. It is good to see you again,’ said Princess Celestia as she floated majestically down the stem of the Y-shaped stairs. The smile on her lips faltered somewhat when Celestia noticed the number of ponies standing before her. ‘I didn’t realise that I would be greeting so many of my subjects this evening.’

‘Please forgive us your highness but Big Mac and Granny Smith are visiting family and there weren’t any other available foal-sitters in Ponyville,’ said Applejack, briefly removing her hat while addressing the Princess.

‘But don’t worry Princess. We bumped into Derpy and she has offered to watch Spike and the girls while we attend the party. That will be alright I hope?’ stammered Twilight.

‘Of course Twilight, it is a pleasure to see you again Miss Hooves. Your family is doing well I hope?’

‘They are Princess,’ replied Derpy with a bow.

‘That’s good. Guards would one of you please escort Miss Hooves and her wards to the castle gardens.’

Princess Celestia watched as the guard standing to the right of the staircase trotted towards Derpy and flicked his mane towards the eastern passage. With a light push from Derpy’s wings, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle started following the guard as Scootaloo glanced around at the banners hanging on the walls.

‘Hey Princess, can we please get this party started. Just the thought of playing the bestest game ever just makes me wanna explode. And eating all those delicious cakes mmm…’

‘Certainly Pinkie, it is definitely time for cake. If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to the room I have prepared for this special occasion.’

Out of the corner of her eyes, Scootaloo watched as Rainbow Dash and the other invited guests followed the Princess up the stem and along the western branch of the Y-shaped steps.

‘Umm Princess, is anything wrong?’ asked Twilight. Princess Celestia was moving unusually quickly and while Pinkie Pie had no trouble, Twilight and the others had to trot just to keep up.

‘Of course not Twilight, why do you ask?’

‘Well the drawbridge for one thing and the guards on every street corner?’

‘Always the studious observer,’ laughed Celestia. ‘Well, since the wedding, Princess Luna has felt that an increase in palace security is warranted. I’m just humouring her, the palace is still the safest place in all of Equestria.’

Princess Luna had a point thought Twilight as she glanced down the passage, but she wasn’t about to say that to her mentor.

‘Ah where’d the Princess go?’ asked Applejack.

‘Huh?’

Twilight twirled around as Rainbow Dash hovered above them, her hoof covering her brow as she scanned the far reaches of the corridor while Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy searched for a side passage or a door they may have missed.

‘Found you!’ called Pinkie as she poked her head out of the narrow gap between two sculptures representing the sun and the moon.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever been down this passage before,’ said Twilight as Pinkie led the way down the rather snug corridor.

‘Well it is a dead end,’ pointed out Rainbow as she trotted beside Twilight.

Up ahead, Princess Celestia pawed at the carpet with her hoof as the guards, outfitted in blue armour with gold lightning bolts on their chests, stood to attention.

‘That must be one fancy wall if it needs guards to protect it,’ said Applejack.

‘And I find it rather odd that Princess Celestia would allow her guards to personalise their uniforms in such a conspicuous manner,’ added Rarity.

‘Hey with uniforms this cool maybe I’ll sign up,’ said Rainbow.

A small smirk spread across Twilight’s lips. As much as she wanted to tell her friends the truth, the Princess had sworn her to secrecy. As good a friend as Rainbow was, the information that the guards weren’t wearing personalised armour was not worth the penalty of banishment. Nor the fact that there was more to the elite group of pegasi known as the Wonder Bolts than Dash realised.

‘I found them,’ giggled Pinkie, ‘it was easy. Let’s play again. This time you guys might wanna find better hiding spots. I mean you were really easy to find just standing there in the middle of the corridor.’

‘Perhaps we should enjoy some refreshments before we start playing any more party games,’ suggested the Princess.

‘MMM Cider.’

‘Pinkie, it isn’t cider season,’ said Applejack.

‘I’m afraid that there is only punch to drink,’ said Princess Celestia as one of the unicorn guards inserted his horn into the small hole dug into the mortar. ‘But it’s a special recipe I’ve been just itching to try.’

‘MMM Punch.’

The guard’s horn started to glow and a streak of light flowed along the mortar joints. The bricks dissolved, revealing a landing and a narrow staircase twisting its way into the darkness.

‘The room’s at the top of the tower. The balcony has a simply gorgeous view of the surrounding countryside,’ said the Princess as she trotted up the steps.

‘Hey Twi, do you get the feeling that something odd is going on here?’ whispered Rainbow.

Twilight gave Dash a small nod. She had felt that way since Spike had delivered the invitation. In all the years of study with the Princess, Twilight could not recall a single party where there were less than a hundred nobles on the guest list. Twilight sighed. She was probably just over analysing the situation. Maybe the Princess wanted a small party so that everypony, including Fluttershy, would feel comfortable. Of course, that didn’t explain why the Princess was leading them into an old forgotten part of the castle.

‘It don’t look like no-pony has been up here in a long time,’ said Applejack as they followed the Princess down a cobweb-encrusted corridor that twisted its way around the tower.

‘If I had known that it would be so dusty I would have worn boots,’ mumbled Rarity.

Dash rolled her eyes as she stepped through the door at the far end of the corridor. The phrase welcome to Creepyville was the only thought her mind was able to grab hold of as she surveyed the room. Everypony turned to look at the Princess.

‘Please, won’t you have some punch?’

‘So bored,’ yawned Scootaloo as she lay beneath a tree in the castle gardens.

‘But we’ve only been here less than a minute,’ said Sweetie Belle.

‘I know but I just can’t stop thinking about the party.’

‘Yeah, why can’t we go? What are they trying to hide?’ asked Apple Bloom.

‘Well, we’re not going to find out if we stay here.’

‘Hang on a second Scootaloo, the Princess wants us to stay in the garden.’

‘Derpy’s right,’ said Spike. ‘Besides we don’t want to make Twilight mad, trust me.’

‘I thought you were a dragon, not a chicken,’ said Scootaloo.

‘Takes one to know one,’ Spike muttered under his breath.

’I bet at the party the Princess has trays and trays of muffins just waiting to be eaten. Chocolate cheesecake muffins, Lemon muffins with sprinkles, pineapple muffins, chocolate banana muffins, cinnamon and apple muffins, blueberry muffins…’ said Apple Bloom as Derpy started to drool.

‘But how do we get passed the guards?’ asked Sweetie Belle.

‘Leave everything to me,’ said Scootaloo with a grin. ‘So what do you say Derpy, you in?’

Derpy looked down at the three fillies with huge grins on their faces and halos above their heads. If she said no, Derpy had the feeling that the Cutie Mark Crusaders would sneak off anyway. At least if she went with them she would be able to make sure that they didn’t get into too much trouble.

‘Spike?’

‘Do I have a choice?’

‘Nope. First thing we have to do is get back inside the castle.’

Spike climbed onto Derpy’s flank and sat there with arms crossed as Scootaloo led the way slowly down the gravel path. Taking her time, Scootaloo swung her head in wide arcs as she glanced from the tulips and poppies on one side to the roses and lilies on the other.

After feeling a nudge to her flank, Sweetie Belle glanced inquisitively at Apple Bloom who was also swinging her head from side to side. Sweetie Belle felt the urge to roll her eyes but decided to just go with the flow, performing her own version of the overly enthusiastic gesturing that was bound to get them caught.

Derpy just followed behind the fillies with a silly grin on her face. She had forgotten about the feeling of ambivalence, the fear and excitement the twisting and churning in her stomach that came from sneaking down to the kitchen in the middle of the night to steal a muffin, or two, or the entire tin and whisk them back up to her room before her parents caught her with her hoof in the tin.

Scootaloo watched the guards out of the corner of her eye as they neared a doorway. Always two there are, no more, no less, thought Scootaloo as she pawed through the mulch with her hoof. Striking on the cold roughly textured object she was looking for, Scootaloo flicked it out onto the path.

‘Hey Apple Bloom,’ she whispered. ‘See that rock?’

‘Ah ha.’

‘When I give the signal I want you to buck it as hard as you can. See if you can hit that wall over there.’

‘Can do.’

Positioning herself so that the guards could see as little of Apple Bloom as possible, Scootaloo returned to looking at the flowers while keeping the guards in her peripheral vision.

Despite Noteworthy’s best attempts, the yawn pushed passed his defences to display his boredom for all to see. Maybe Star Bright still had his attention focused on those fillies and hadn’t… he had. Noteworthy sighed. Star Bright’s furrowed brow said it all. Looks like he’d be getting that lecture from Shining Armor again; guards must stand perfectly still, they must not talk and above all else, they must not yawn.

‘Now,’ hissed Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom flicked the rock into the air and with her back hooves, sent it flying across the garden, straight into the side of a large decorative pot. For a moment after impact, the ceramic fragments hovered in place before falling to the ground and shattering into a thousand pieces. ‘Umm whoops,’ mumbled Apple Bloom.

‘Move, move, move,’ hissed Scootaloo as she cut through the lilies and galloped across the grass as the guards cantered towards what was left of the decorative pot.

As soon as Scootaloo was safely back inside the corridor leading to the grand entrance hall, she skidded to a stop only to have Apple Bloom, then Sweetie Belle slam into her backside. Instinct and an unusual amount dexterity from Derpy’s wings managed to get her and Spike into the air before they too joined the twisted wreckage that was the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

‘Would you mind getting off me,’ Scootaloo grumbled, her nose squished up against the tiles.

‘Look at the bright side,’ said Apple Bloom as she untangled herself, ‘at least we’re not covered in tree sap.’

‘Or mud and bits of soggy newspaper,’ added Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo climbed back onto her hooves, turning her thoughts towards the guards waiting for them in the grand entrance hall.

‘So, what are we going to break next?’

Scootaloo glared at the dragon, ‘Quite worrying about getting in trouble. We’ll tell Twilight it was all our idea.’

‘It was all your idea.’

‘Besides we have bigger problems than just the guards to worry about.’

‘Such as?’ asked Apple Bloom.

‘Like figuring out where we’re going. I know Rainbow and the others headed up the stairs and to the left but.’

‘Perhaps she dropped some feathers we could follow,’ suggested Sweetie Belle. ‘Rarity is always complaining that Rainbow never bothers to preen and that you can find her feathers all over Ponyville.’

‘There wouldn’t be a constant trail to follow even if Rainbow was malting, which she isn’t. Good idea though.’

‘How do you know she isn’t?’ asked Spike.

‘I just do,’ said Scootaloo her cheeks turning slightly red. ‘Anyway, speaking of Rarity, Sweetie Belle didn’t she teach you that gem finding spell.’

‘Um… I’m not very good.’

‘I thought Twilight had been giving you lessons?’ said Applebloom.

‘A lesson,’ admitted Sweetie Belle. ‘It didn’t go so well.’

‘I’ll say, you dropped a book on my head,’ grumbled Spike.

‘Hey, levitating a book in your first lesson is really impressive,’ said Scootaloo.

‘Impressive yes, if Sweetie Belle had used magic instead of just knocking it off the shelf with her hoof.’

‘I said I was sorry.’

‘It would be really helpful if you could sense gems,’ said Scootaloo.

‘Well I can sort of do the gem-finding spell. Since the Sisterhooves Social, Rarity takes me with her whenever she goes gem hunting. I think it’s just because she wants somepony else to pull the cart. The gems have to be humongously huge though, I can’t cast a strong enough spell to find normal sized ones.’

‘Humongously huge like the fire ruby currently dangling from your sister’s neck,’ suggested Scootaloo.

A big grin spread across Sweetie Belle’s face.

‘Well that’s one problem solved, now for the guards. Hmm… hey Derpy, how much weight can you handle while flying?’

‘I can carry heaps Scootaloo,’ said Derpy excitedly, ‘I am a mail mare after all.’

‘Think you can carry three fillies and a dragon?’

‘Well sure but I don’t know if my butt’s quite big enough,’ said Derpy looking back over her shoulder as she wiggled her flank.

‘Hey watch it,’ called Spike tightening his grip, ‘it’s a long way down.’

‘Well what about if Sweetie Belle sits between your wings and hangs onto your neck. Apple Bloom can lie across your back leaving Spike where he is.’

‘And where are you going to sit? Don’t tell me, you’re going to fly.’

‘Derpy can carry me in her hoofs,’ replied Scootaloo, deciding to ignore Spike’s quip because… well just because.

‘Sure I can do that,’ said Derpy returning to the ground so that Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom could climb onto her back.

‘What about the guards, don’t you think that they’re going to see us flying about?’

‘Haven’t you noticed that all the guards on duty this evening seem to be either unicorn or earth ponies?’

‘Yeah so,’ said Spike who had noticed no such thing.

Scootaloo sighed, ‘Rule one of the Rainbow Dash Guide to Successful Pranking: earth and unicorn ponies never and I repeat never look up.’

Derpy climbed back onto her hooves as Scootaloo slipped between her front legs.

‘Where to Fearless Leader?’

‘To the grand entrance hall then follow the stairs up and to the left,’ replied Scootaloo as she felt Derpy’s hooves grip tightly around her chest.

Okay Derpy, keep it level and smooth. No bumping into anything. With a puff of breath, Derpy moved aside the part of her mane dangling in front of her eyes then inched her way along the corridor with slow steady beats of her wings.

Scootaloo smiled as two by two, the guards shrank beneath them as Derpy floated up towards the high ceiling of the grand entrance hall. Not one of the guards so much as raised their nose, leaving Derpy and her passengers unmolested as they followed the stairs and banked to the left. It was a different world up here, one that Scootaloo wished she could experience without the aid of a fellow pegasus. She felt Derpy slow to a halt as they approached the first branch in the maze of corridors leading to Rainbow Dash.

‘Okay Sweetie Belle you’re up,’ whispered Scootaloo.

Sweetie Belle closed her eyes, squeezing them tighter and tighter as beads of sweat started to seep through the furrows in her brow. A soft green glow enveloped her small horn as Sweetie Belle felt her mind drifting through the corridors and rooms closest to them. Rarity might be able to see the gems while keeping her eyes open but Sweetie Belle found it easier in darkness. The gems only ever appeared to her as dots of light. Sweetie Belle was seeing more of them than she had been expecting, but then they were in the palace. Almost every room was likely to be teeming with gems and Sweetie Belle knew that she was only detecting a tiny fraction of those present. None of them was the fire ruby though. That gem would stick out like the moon in a star filled night. Focusing harder, Sweetie Belle willed more energy into her horn, growing the spell’s circumference but all that got her was a couple more dots of light. With each passing second Sweetie Belle’s confidence dripped away, lessening the strength of the spell until all she could do was open her tear-filled eyes. ‘I’m so sorry guys. I’m just no good at magic. I guess I won’t be getting a gem finding cutie mark.’

‘Don’t cry Sweetie Belle,’ said Derpy as she felt the tiny droplets dampening her mane. ‘We know you gave it your very best. You should be proud.’

Apple Bloom rubbed her hoof gently between her friend’s shoulder blades, ‘Ah don’t feel bad Sweetie Belle you did real good.’

Scootaloo hated it when her friends cried. What she wanted to do was give Sweetie Belle a hug but that was a little hard considering her current position. All she could do from Derpy’s hooves was to try comforting her with words. ‘Don’t worry about it Sweetie Belle, they’re probably too far away by now. I doubt even Rarity could locate her necklace from here.’

‘And I bet Scootaloo has already come up with another way to track them down,’ said Derpy.

‘Really?’

‘Sure… umm what we need to do is…’

‘I can’t believe we lost them,’ grumbled Noteworthy as he trotted along the corridor. ‘And of course Star Bright says that I have to be the one to inform the Princess except no pony knows where she is. Lucky I bumped into one of those weirdo guards in their Wonderbolts getup otherwise I’d be wandering around this blasted palace for the rest of eternity.’

Scootaloo watched as the earth pony guard from the garden passed beneath them. She couldn’t believe that he hadn’t seen them. That was one distracted pony. A distracted pony that was going to lead them straight to Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo was about to give Derpy a nudge when the mare started following the guard of her own accord. Things were working out better than Scootaloo could have hoped. They’d be at the party in no time.

Twilight stared at the six beds lining the wall of the circular tower. Her eyes lingering on the bed covered in a quilt featuring five small stars surrounding a large pink star that rested upon a white star. Part of her was touched, most of her was wondering just what sort of party Princess Celestia had in mind.

In the centre of the room stood a solitary table. A crystal punch bowl sat behind six cider mugs already overflowing with punch. The rest of the table was as barren as the San Palomino Desert. Where were the party snacks, the balloons, the streamers…?

Boom!

Okay now there were balloons and streamers, thanks to the party cannon, but the atmosphere at the top of the tower felt like it belonged to nightmare night and not a private gathering with the Princess. A gathering that included Zecora, whose name Twilight knew was not on the invitation.

‘Zecora, what a pleasant surprise?’

‘The Princess asked for my help to create the perfect brew. One that would make all your dreams come true.’

Pinkie skipped her way over to the table and dived into the bowl, ‘Tastes like punch to me.’

‘Yes, punch I have brewed for your evening do.’

Hoof-steps echoed down the corridor as everypony turned to see one of Celestia’s guards stumbling through the door.

‘Sorry to interrupt your highness but ah… we felt that you should be made aware of the fact that the three fillies, mare and baby dragon you asked us to keep an eye on have umm… kinda… disappeared.’

‘May I ask if you tried looking up?’ inquired the Princess.

Noteworthy felt his mouth go dry as he tried to swallow. He really didn’t want to glance up, maybe if he gave the Princess his resignation he could get out of Canterlot before Shining Armor got hold of his flank. Knowing but still feeling the need to look anyway, Noteworthy lifted his head to see an overloaded mare hovering overhead.

‘Trusty old rule number one, it never fails,’ smiled Rainbow Dash as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle leapt to the ground the instant Derpy’s hooves touched the floor.

‘Please don’t be angry Twilight, I begged them not to but nopony would listen,’ pleaded Spike, throwing himself at her feet.

Princess Celestia turned her attention to the uninvited guests who were doing their best to avoid making eye contact. On one hoof, she was rather impressed that they had managed to infiltrate one of the most secure areas of the palace. However, now she had to come up with a way to keep the three fillies, who still worked for the Foal Free Press, from spilling their guts to the rest of Equestria. ‘I need a drink. You three,’ she said glaring at the Cutie Mark Crusaders, ‘don’t move an inch.’

‘I wonder what that punch tastes like,’ whispered Scootaloo as Princess Celestia led the invited guests over to the table.

‘I don’t think we should find out,’ replied Sweetie Belle. ‘The Princess told us not to move, she seemed kinda mad.’

‘Actually she said don’t move an inch,’ countered Scootaloo, ‘when clearly the table is several metres away.’

‘Ya really think she’ll buy that excuse?’ said Apple Bloom with a smirk.

‘Only one way to find out. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like we’ll be banished to the moon or anything.’

Scootaloo cowered under Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle’s glare.

‘It was the punch wasn’t it?’ said Twilight as she squirmed under Dash’s hooves. ‘Ah Rainbow, you can get off me now.’

‘Nah I’m good,’ grinned Rainbow Dash.

‘And here I was thinking that the Princess didn’t want us drinking the punch cause it was spiked,’ mumbled Scootaloo.

‘Ah Princess, I don’t mean to question your judgment and all,’ said Applejack as Princess Celestia glanced in her direction, ‘but wouldn’t it have been better to give the fillies the antidote straight away?’

Princess Celestia’s eyes turned away from Applejack’s questioning glaze.

‘There’s no antidote is there?’ said Twilight.

‘No there is, it just has a few rather unpleasant side effects that Zecora is working on as we speak. I’m sure that it won’t be too long until we can wake them up and return them safely to Ponyville.’

‘Aww, why can’t we tag along?’ asked Scootaloo.

‘Because the moon is no place for a filly.’

‘Technically if this is really a dream then we’re not on the moon, our bodies would still be in the tower,’ said Twilight, cringing under Applejack’s version of The Stare.

‘Twilight is correct. Your bodies are lying in the beds you saw in the tower.’

‘If this isn’t really the moon then where the hay are we?’ asked Rainbow Dash.

‘You’re currently in the mind-space of my sister, Princess Luna.’

Episode 1.3

1.3

Princess Luna paused a moment to mentally pat herself on the back. The Elements of Harmony had finally departed and only the unexpected guests still required her attention.

‘I don’t see why we can’t go with them,’ said Scootaloo.

‘Yeah, just think we could be Cutie Mark Crusader nightmare wranglers,’ added Apple Bloom.

‘How does a pony wrangle a nightmare?’

‘I-don’t-know,’ hummed Apple Bloom.

‘Come on girls, I bet there are lots of fun things we can do around the castle,’ said Derpy.

‘Like bungee jumping off that stone bridge,’ suggested Scootaloo.

‘Princess Luna, do you need any help?’ asked Sweetie Belle, ignoring the kissy faces from Apple Bloom and Scootaloo who did the same thing when she asked that question of Miss Cheerilee.

‘Hmm. Why yes, I think putting you three to work is an excellent way of keeping you out of trouble.’

‘Work,’ groaned Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.

‘You were perhaps expecting to just lie about and have fun?’

‘Well yeah,’ replied Scootaloo.

Princess Luna smiled. ‘This way please.’

Derpy and the Cutie Mark Crusaders followed Princess Luna through the archway and along the short corridor that opened out onto the floor of a vast cavern. Not quite as large as the lake filled cavern but certainly more crowded with hundreds of staircases leading to and from rock ledges that twisted their way up the cavern walls.

‘That’s a lot of stairs,’ said Derpy, who had made an agreement with staircases. She wouldn’t try to use them and they agreed not to tangle her hooves and fill her mouth with dirt. Luckily, despite the cavern walls looking like gigantic deformed sea sponges, there was still enough flight space for the agreement to stand.

‘They are misleading,’ responded Princess Luna. ‘Keep in mind that the rooms respond to your heart’s desires and where you enter may not be where you leave.’

‘So how do we find our way around?’ asked Apple Bloom.

‘Is there a map?’ asked Sweetie Belle.

‘While a magical map might be possible, I have never bothered to create one. Having a strong desire to get to a location is more than sufficient. Just don’t drag your hooves or you’ll be wandering these steps for a lifetime.’

‘That doesn’t make any sense,’ said Scootaloo.

‘We’re in a land of dreams, you expect logic?’ said Sweetie Belle.

Luna looked down thoughtfully at the unicorn filly. Such a bright child, maybe even intelligent enough to handle the dull but incredibly important task that Luna would frankly love to pawn off onto somepony else. But first, to deal with the other two fillies. ‘The Hall of Stones and the Gadget Archives are, for the moment at least through the doors on the far side of the cavern floor,’ said Princess Luna with a smile.

‘The Hall of Stones, is that where the tablets came from?’ asked Sweetie Belle.

‘Indeed, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo will be responsible for the fetching and the returning of morpheus stones to and from the archives.’

‘Sounds more like a job for Spike,’ said Scootaloo.

‘Or Twilight,’ suggested Apple Bloom as they followed Princess Luna across the rocky floor of the cavern.

‘Most of your time will be spent exploring the Gadget Archives. There are objects in there that maybe of use.’

‘CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ARCHIVE EXPLORERS YAY!’

As Luna waited for the ringing to cease, she couldn’t help but wonder where three fillies had learned to harness the Canterlot voice. ‘Yes quite,’ she responded once her headache had passed, ‘except for you Sweetie Belle. I have an even more important task waiting for you.’

‘Really?’

Princess Luna nodded as she opened the doors. ‘But first let us introduce your friends to the wonders of creative ingenuity.’

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo rolled their eyes and grinned at each other as Sweetie Belle trotted daintily after the Princess.

‘Be nice,’ said Derpy closing the doors behind them before turning to face the Princess as she stood beneath a stone archway.

‘There will be no need to enter the Hall of Stones until tomorrow afternoon so you should keep to the Gadget Archives until then,’ said Princess Luna walking over to the steps on the other side of the small foyer.

Derpy and the Cutie Mark Crusaders followed Luna down the four steps into sunken room. Apple Bloom hadn’t seen so much mess since Applejack made her collect the dirty dishes from Big Mac’s room. While there were no slices of half eaten apple pie trying to crawl across the floor, there were thousands of weaved baskets thrown all over the place. Each basket was crammed with strange seemingly unrelated objects, their only shared commonality being a cardboard tag tied to each object by a piece of string.

‘This place is messier than Rarity’s inspiration room,’ said Sweetie Belle.

‘That is unsurprising. Every contraption ever dreamed of by a pony ends up in this room. As you can imagine there is a constant influx of new inventions.’

‘Do you know what each one does Princes?’ asked Derpy.

‘I believe they arrive already tagged with instructions on their usage.’

Applebloom walked over to one of the woven baskets. Resting on top of an upside down fish bowl with a wire coat hanger taped to the back was a small transparent box with two ear buds inside.

‘Headphones, translate Fancy and other languages on the fly.’

‘Could have used them during your cutie pox episode,’ said Scootaloo digging through one of the other baskets. ‘What the hay is this supposed to be?’ It looked like an oversized eggbeater with fan blades instead of whisks.

‘Try reading the tag,’ suggested Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo poked out her tongue. ‘Spin the crank to fly like a pegasus… ooh I’m so trying this.’ Putting her hoof through the handle, Scootaloo raised the contraption above her head and started churning the crank at breakneck speed. ‘Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh this is so awesome.’

Apple Bloom watched as Scootaloo’s hindquarters rose up off the tiles.

‘If only Rainbow Dash could see me now.’

‘Yes she’d be very impressed with the eggbeater,’ said Sweetie Belle.

‘Careful Scootaloo, you’re getting awful close to the ceiling,’ said Derpy.

‘Well to be totally honest I’m not exactly sure how I’m supposed to steer this thing.’

Apple Bloom watched as the spinning blades drew ever closer to the rocky ceiling. Glancing over the baskets, she frantically searched for something that might help if worst came to worst.

Clang! The metal blades dug into the rock and snapped to a halt. ‘Aaarrrgggh!’

Apple Bloom yanked some tightly bound material from the basket, pulling the cord as she chucked it onto the floor. Scootaloo had never flapped her wings as hard in her life as she plummeted towards the tiles. The inflating air mattress reached plump status just as Scootaloo slammed into it.

‘Eeyah!’ squeaked Scootaloo as she bounced back into the air while the mattress started farting like a balloon. She stopped bouncing just as the deflated mattress ran out of wind.

‘I think a certain somepony has eaten one to many cupcakes,’ said Apple Bloom. Scootaloo glared at her. ‘In fact I’d say you’re getting as plumped as a om nom nom.’ Sweetie Belle stuck her hoof in Apple Bloom’s mouth before she could call Scootaloo a Gallus gallus domesticus.

‘Remember girls you are here to find contraptions that may be of use to the Elements of Harmony, not to have fun. Derpy, perhaps it would be best if you stayed here to ensure that not every invention shares the same fate as the air mattress.’

‘No worries Princess.’

‘Sweetie Belle, we shall take our leave.’

‘Hey check this out,’ said Scootaloo as Princess Luna and Sweetie Belle headed back up the steps.

‘It’s just a teddy bear.’

‘Press here to activate,’ said Apple Bloom pressing down on the bear’s stomach.

‘5… 4… 3…’

‘Uh oh,’ said Apple Bloom and Scootaloo glancing at each other.

‘2… 1…’

‘Did we make it?’ asked Twilight.

‘Well I’m pretty sure we’re not in Kansas anymore,’ replied Pinkie.

‘Bit hard to tell where we are with all this tall grass around,’ said Applejack.

‘We’re in a field, there’s a road at the top of the hill heading off towards a large city in the distance. I’ll go check it out.’

‘No!’ Rainbow screeched to a halt. ‘We should stick together until we know exactly what’s going on,’ said Twilight.

‘Clearly we’re in some sort of primitive backwater. I’m getting mud all over my freshly manicured hooves.’

‘It’s just dream dirt, nothing to get all worked up about,’ said Applejack.

‘Don’t worry Rarity. I’ll have those divine hooves of yours cleaned in a jiffy.’

‘I don’t see any water close by Spike,’ said Fluttershy glancing around the small clearing.

‘That’s okay, I’ll just use my…’

‘That won’t be necessary,’ said Rarity, ‘but ah I appreciate the offer.’

‘Enough chitchat, time to go and say hi to Bon Bon,’ said Pinkie bouncing off through the grass.

‘Pinkie!’

‘Yes Twilight?’ Pinkie asked poking her head back through the tall grass stems.

‘Hang on a sec, Spike I want you to…’

‘Stay here and keep out of sight, yeah I know.’

‘And try and find somewhere safe to hide the fire ruby.’

Spike gave Twilight a salute as Pinkie led the way through the grass forest. While Rainbow and Fluttershy flew overhead, the rest of the girls walked nose to tail behind Pinkie’s bouncing flank. The stems parted and the girls stepped out onto the road that carved its way through the plains towards the city on the eastern horizon.

The crisscross pattern of the road tiles caught Twilight’s eye and she lowered her nose to take a closer look. Each brick fitted so snuggly between its neighbours that not a weed or even a single blade of grass could fit between them. Not even the roads in Canterlot were this well constructed.

‘Ah Twilight.’

‘Hmm?’ mumbled Twilight, glancing up to see concern in AJ’s eyes.

‘You planning on coming with us?’

‘Huh?’

‘Look sugarcube, I know that having Pinkie in charge is not how we usually do things but give her a chance, she may surprise you.’

‘Oh she will definitely do that, whether the surprise will be a good one however? So eh what brought this up?’

‘Well you’re staring at the ground while everypony else is a couple of hundred metres down the road.’

‘They are? Oh my, everypony is a long way off aren’t they?’

‘Ah Twi, why were you staring at the ground?’

‘There’s something odd about this roadway. I’ve never seen one like it and yet its design reminds me of something. If I could just put my hoof on it I’m sure it would give us the clue that would bust this dream right open.’

‘Well weren’t you the one who didn’t want us to go wandering off on our own? How’s about you try thinking while walking.’

Twilight felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. She was well aware that it was vital that she paid attention to her surroundings, especially while in mind-space and yet all it took was bricks to distract her. ‘We’d umm better catch up to the others.’

Cantering alongside AJ, it didn’t take long before they were in earshot of Pinkie Pie’s attempt at a military cadence call.

‘I don’t know but I’ve been told

Princess Celestia is mighty old.’

‘Pinkie dear it is quite rude to refer to the ruler of Equestria as old,’ said Rarity.

‘Even if it is true,’ added Rainbow Dash.

‘But I’m bored. I know how about a game of I spy?’

‘Pinkie, this is a nightmare. It really isn’t a good idea to give away our position. The city we’re heading towards could be full of timber wolves, cockatrices, hydras or parasprites for all we know.’

‘Do you really think so Twilight? Ooh, that would make for a really scary nightmare wouldn’t it? What about ghost or goblins? I’ve always wanted to meet a goblin, they’re so funny looking.’

‘Pinkie I think Twilight is suggesting that we all stay quiet until we know what’s going on,’ suggested Applejack.

‘Well why didn’t she just say so? I think that going all super stealthy is an excellent…’ Rainbow Dash clamped Pinkie’s jaws shut with her hooves until the mumbling finally ceased.

With Pinkie silenced, Twilight turned back towards the city on the eastern horizon and blinked. Where only tiny specs had been moments ago now stood the tall columns that were the hallmark of pegasus architectural design. There also seemed to be a faint stench on the breeze that grew more potent as they closed in on the city. Twilight still could not come up with a name but at least there was now an explanation for the mysterious columns etched into one of the morpheus stones. What confused Twilight was that none of the ground-based cities in Equestria had used columns on such a mass scale since the pre classical era. Twilight twitched. She had been asking herself the wrong question. It wasn’t a matter of where but of when and while still unsure of the exact date Twilight had narrowed it down to the last five hundred years before the reign of Discord.

‘Anypony recognise this city?’ asked Applejack.

‘Nope. Kinda looks like Cloudsdale, without the clouds,’ replied Rainbow Dash.

‘It might be Terraville or Monacornus but I’d put all my bits on it being Adunare, the original capital of Equestria,’ replied Twilight as they drew close enough to discover the source of the scent. An open sewer pipe sticking out through the stone foundations was dumping its load into the ditch that encircled the outskirts of the city.

‘Hang on. You’re saying we’re travelled into the past?’

‘Not exactly, because this is a dream I am hoping that it just contains the ancient architecture and not the society that went with it. Ponies of the pre classical age have what we would consider rather prehistoric customs. Like for instance, did you know that…’ Twilight paused as her friends eyes glazed over. ‘What I was going to suggest is that we try sneaking into the city.’

‘Now you’re talking,’ said Dash.

‘Sneaking in is hardly going to create the right impression on the city’s inhabitants.’

‘Rarity, except for Bon Bon none of the ponies in this city exist. Therefore, they are neither potential clients nor nobles that can give your standing a leg up. Princess Luna hasn’t sent us here because it’s a fun spot for a picnic. Until we know exactly what is going on I recommend extreme caution.’

Rarity looked a little put out and Twilight wished that she didn’t have to be so blunt but with Pinkie’s carefree spirit leading the way, it would be very easy for everypony to forget that Equestria was in danger.

‘I think miss smarty pants has a point,’ said Pinkie slipping into the black tight-fitting uniform she had worn during Twilight’s raid on the Canterlot archives. ‘So how should we get into the city Twilight? Bake a cake, hide inside? Invisibility spell? Catapult? Turn us into turtles?’

‘I’d like to be a turtle,’ said Fluttershy.

‘Suction cups? Bungee jump from clouds? Fly in on Dashie’s back?’

‘Hey this butt is not a taxi,’ replied Rainbow.

‘Nightmare Night costumes? Tunnel? Jump from an airship?’

‘I’m not sure Pinkie but your suggestions are not very eh practical.’

‘I’ll just take a cloud and fly over. Less awesome ponies that can’t fly will just have to sneak in through the sewer entrance.’

‘Rainbow that’s… actually not a bad idea,’ said Twilight. ‘But you’re coming with us.’

‘NO NO NO!’ shouted Rarity, stamping her hoof on the ground. ‘I am not going to put my hooves in somepony else’s manure.’

‘Why not, it’s just dream shit?’ said Applejack with a grin.

‘That is not the point. I refuse to crawl through sewerage.’

‘No pony said anything about crawling and it’s not like there is any other way for us to get into the city,’ said Twilight.

‘Well I don’t know, perhaps we could try the front entrance,’ suggested Rarity.

‘Which, the one for pegasi, for unicorns or the one for earth ponies. There on opposite sides of the city so we’d have to split up.’

‘That doesn’t sound very Equestrian. We are still in Equestria right?’ asked Fluttershy.

‘Yes but societies don’t change their preconceptions and traditions overnight. I think we’ll find only the guards don’t care about race. Amongst the social classes of this time, the races tended to keep to themselves.’

‘While this history lesson is fascinating and all,’ said Rarity, ‘I don’t see why it’s preventing us from just walking in together?’

‘Because we’d stand out like a sore hoof.’

‘Hey I wonder if these sewers are filled with lemonade and chocolate fudge. Let’s go take a look; I’m totally in the mood for fudge.’

‘Pinkie I simply…’

‘You know Rarity,’ said Applejack, ‘disobeying an order from Just Pinkie is like disobeying a request from Princess Celestia herself. Imagine what all those fancy uptight ponies in Canterlot are going to think when they find out.’

The teeth in Rarity’s mouth grinded against each other as her venom-filled eyes met Applejack’s smug gaze. Rarity let her eyelids fall as she took a deep breath. ‘Fine, then let us get this horrible experience over with as quickly as possible shall we?’

The girls stepped carefully down towards the edge of the ditch where a light tinkle was dripping from the end of the pipe.

‘Oh my that’s quite a jump,’ said Fluttershy.

‘It is isn’t it,’ said Rarity. ‘Clearly as the most athletic, Applejack should go first.’

‘Hey!’ shouted Rainbow Dash.

‘Most athletic non-pegasus.’

‘I certainly don’t mind getting my hooves dirty.’ Especially when that dirt isn’t real, thought Applejack crouching down and launching herself over the ditch; the water splashing against her legs and belly as she landed in the pipe.

‘You okay?’ asked Twilight.

‘Yep,’ said AJ turning around, ‘although it certainly does smell in here.’

‘Like lemonade and chocolate fudge?’

‘Well sure, if that fudge had been soaking in the lemonade for a couple of years inside the festering germ factory that is my brother’s bedroom.’

‘That doesn’t sound very tasty,’ replied Pinkie Pie jumping across. ‘Pee-ew you’re right it stinks over here worse than the diapers Mr Cake likes to call special deliveries.’

Twilight was next while Dash and Fluttershy were able to fly over and hover above the muck thanks to the pipe being large enough to fit a freight train.

‘Come on Rarity, we need to get moving,’ called Twilight.

‘Yes all right I’m coming.’ Rarity struck her hoof against the earth like a charging bull and threw herself across the gap. ‘Eeegh this is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever done in my life. I doubt that Lotus Blossom and Aloe will ever be able to get rid of the stench.’

Applejack was once again tempted to point out that this was a dream and that there was no smell to remove but the others had already started heading further down the pipe. ‘Come on Rarity, we don’t wanna get left behind.’

The glow from Twilight’s horn reflected off the water sloshing around their feet as the sunlight from the pipe’s entrance faded away. No pony talked, not even Pinkie Pie, as they tried to breathe in as little of the rank air as possible. It occurred to Applejack that the next time she wanted Pinkie to stop talking she could just send her to Big Mac’s room. They stepped out into a small chamber where several other pipes emptied their waste into a channel that sloped towards the exit.

‘I’m so glad to be out of that muck,’ said Rarity leaping up onto the ledge beside the channel as Twilight peered up at Rainbow.

‘Where we headed?’ asked Dash.

‘Somewhere near the umm centre of the city? That’s probably the best place to start looking for Bon Bon.’

‘Then you want that pipe.’

Twilight jumped over the channel and trotted over to the pipe Rainbow had indicated was their way out. The incline was steep but currently dry so the ascent would not be too treacherous.

‘I bet this would make an awesome waterslide,’ said Pinkie as she landed beside Twilight.

‘Nah, you’d never build up any speed on a pathetic slope like this,’ said Dash. ‘Well maybe if you could get enough ponies to go to the toilet at the same time.’

‘How can you two be so disgusting?’ asked Rarity.

‘Easily,’ replied Rainbow and Pinkie with a grin.

‘Come on guys we need to get a move on, my horn’s starting to overheat,’ said Twilight.

By the time the concrete beneath their hooves started to level out, sweat was already dribbling off Twilight’s horn and running down the sides of her forehead. ‘This the ladder?’ asked Twilight wiping away the sweat.

‘Meh close enough,’ replied Dash.

‘Oh thank goodness, now if you will excuse me,’ said Rarity calmly before scrambling up the ladder and flinging the ponyhole cover into the sky.

‘Rarity,’ whispered Twilight, ‘you can’t just, damn.’

‘Let’s go guys,’ said Pinkie.

Twilight let out a soft growl as everypony dashed up the ladder. What was the point of sneaking through the sewers if Pinkie was just going to let everypony blow their cover? Twilight’s hooves pounded the rungs of the ladder as she made her way up to the street. And there they were, all standing in the middle of the road while ponies, dressed in elaborate outfits that would put most gala dresses to shame, stared at them with open mouths and wide eyes.

‘Ooh those gowns everypony is wearing are just fabulous. It’s such a pity that I have no way of sketching out their designs.’

‘Rarity there are books filled with these very dresses back at the library but have any of you noticed that we are the only ponies who are naked?’

‘Hey I’m wearing clothes?’ said Pinkie pointing at her black bodysuit.

‘We need a place to hide.’

‘Claudicatis!’

‘That’s a funny word,’ said Pinkie with a giggle. ‘I wonder what it means?’

‘Well seeing as it came from the guards galloping towards us I’m going to go with freeze.’

Not bad Rainbow, thought Twilight. What they had said was halt. As the mares in gold plated armour surrounded them with levitated spears, Rainbow Dash prepared to buck these ponies into the second millennium of Celestia’s rule but stopped as Twilight shook her head.

‘Quae tua nomina? Quare non velatur corpora vestra appropriate? Vos es pacem perturbant.’

‘You speak funny,’ giggled Pinkie.

‘Ah Pinkie, I don’t think you should be laughing at ponies who are pointing weapons at our throats,’ said Applejack.

‘Humph, we are guests in their city and the treatment we have received so far has been abominable,’ said Rarity. ‘I would die of shame if anypony in Ponyville treated guests in such an outrageous manner.’

‘Quid lingua peregrina est hoc’

‘Vox eorum quasi Barbaris ad me,’ replied one of the guards.

‘Custodibus eas capere!’

‘Twilight you seem to know a lot about this place, any idea what they’re yapping about?’ asked Applejack as the guards muscled the girls into a tight bunch.

‘Placere expectare,’ called Twilight.

The guards glanced back at their commander who gave a short nod. ‘Loqui.’

‘Dimitte nobis. Sic civitati huic grandi impetu feroces nos. Isti furati sunt vestimenta nostra, pecuniam in cloacas fugere ac fugati,’ explained Twilight as her friends stared at her with open mouths.

‘Barbari nobis potes descriptio?’ asked the Commander.

‘Descriptio umm sic utique. Erant admissarii…’

‘Equos, ad admissuram! Equos, ad admissuram infirmi sumus. Equos, ad admissuram non potuit spoliaret filly. Ego nesciebam. Tute Barbaris. Eas capere!’

Ropes out of nowhere wrapped around Rainbow and Fluttershy, yanking Rainbow to the ground as a bubble similar to the one cast by Shining Armor cut them off from the outside world. It pressed up against their flanks forcing Twilight and the others forward as the guards marched them down the street.

‘Nice going Twilight, I think you made them madder,’ said Rainbow with a grin.

‘And what was with those funny words you were speaking?’ asked Pinkie. ‘For a moment I thought you had consumed one too many mugs of cider but then none of us have had any. So then I thought maybe the punch was spiked but we’d all drunk that and Fluttershy’s fine. She’s a total lightweight so there is no way you’re...’

‘Silentium!’

Twilight let the side of the bubble guide her as she stared down at the cobblestones. She couldn’t believe how stupid she was. How could she of all ponies have forgotten one of the most important facts of the pre classical era? So much for being a well-read student of history. While Twilight couldn’t see the ponies on the sidewalks pointing their hooves and shaking their heads at such deviant savages, she could hear the disgust present in their voices.

‘Aspice illos Barbaris.’

‘Honestatem etiam non est operimentum, in deviants.’

‘Tunc subsisto vultus. Nemo cogit, vos!’ Snapped Twilight looking up from street to stare down the enlightened ponies of Adunare.

‘Dixi silentio!’ said the commander.

Rainbow, who happened to be standing behind Twilight, watched as Twilight’s gaze returned to the cobblestones. Dash shared a glance with Applejack who was walking beside her. Twilight was showing signs that worried the pegasus. They needed Twilight to be at the top of her game. Celestia may have put Pinkie in charge but Rainbow had no doubt as to which pony would end this supposed nightmare and it wasn’t Pinkie Pie.

‘Hey Twi,’ whispered Dash, wedging her way up between Pinkie and Twilight. She didn’t respond but Rainbow noticed Twilight’s ears twitch so she knew that Twilight was listening. The problem was Dash had no idea what to say. Twilight was clearing blaming herself for whatever had gone wrong and Dash’s comment at the time probably hadn’t helped. Cheering up ponies was more of a Pinkie Pie speciality.

‘Never fear your friendly neighbourhood Rainbow Dash is here.’ Okay, so that was lame but Twilight did raise her head and Dash was certain that she had seen the corners of Twilight’s mouth starting to twitch.

‘Now that’s what I call a stadium,’ said Applejack as she looked up at the hundreds of stone archways stacked three levels high that followed the curve of an eclipse. It sat in the heart of the city on a hill made of steps.

‘Ooh my it’s big,’ said Fluttershy.

‘It’s the Proelium Amphitheatre. Inside ponies battle each other for the glory of the Empress. Historians believed that it could hold up to 50,000 ponies.’

‘Dixi SILENTIO!’

‘What did she say?’ asked Pinkie.

‘They want you to be quiet,’ whispered Twilight, causing the others to grin.

The guards turned off the main street onto a narrow road that dropped down into a channel beneath the ground. The sunlight blinked on and off as they walked under streets, the Amphitheatre growing ever closer with each flash of sky. Along the sides of the high concrete walls, ponies had graffitied numerous colourful phrases such as Imperatrix est blank ab latere and emissarius magnis pilis vere regiam.

‘Is that blood?’ asked Dash pointing at the dark red stains splattered across the roadway.

‘SILENTIUM!’

At the end of the road right beneath the steps of the Amphitheatre, iron gates stood between the ponies and the darkness beyond. The Commander walked up to the gate and placed her horn against the lock. With a click followed by a screech, the gate swung open and the guards led the girls down into the bowels of the coliseum.

The smell in the tunnel wasn’t as bad as the stench in the sewers but they still had to deal with the scent of blood and sweat floating in the dank stagnant air. The sound of dripping water and their clopping hooves echoed through the passageway with only the Commander’s horn lighting the way. The tunnel led to a medium sized chamber dimly lit by the sunlight seeping through the small rectangular barred windows found just beneath the ceiling of each cell.

‘Inside, omnibus vobis,’ barked the Commander as she opened one of the cell doors.

Pinkie led the way, bouncing into the cell while the others filed in behind her. As the door slammed shut, the bubble surrounding them shattered and the ropes slipped from Fluttershy’s and Rainbow’s flanks. Without a word, the Commander and her troops left, leaving the girls alone in their dimly lit cell.

‘Okay what the hay just happened?’

‘Well Rainbow it looks like we’ve been arrested and thrown in jail,’ replied Applejack.

‘Well duh, I meant what for?’

‘Of all the worst things that could happen, being thrown in jail is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING.’

‘Aren’t you going to faint?’ asked Applejack.

‘Onto this floor? You’ve got to be kidding?’

‘It’s all my fault,’ replied Twilight. ‘I told the guards that savages had attacked us on our way here, that they stole our clothes and we were forced to flee into the sewers. When they asked me to describe the savages I accidently said stallions instead of mares.’

‘So?’ asked Rainbow.

‘At this time males are considered weak, only fit for servants and… well you know.’

‘Sex.’ A smirking Rainbow Dash shook her head at Twilight’s blush. ‘Come on Twi, you can say it. Sex, s… e… x.’

‘I like sex,’ said Pinkie.

‘Hang on a sex, I mean sec,’ said Rainbow. ‘If males are inferior, which I can totally get behind, how to you explain Star Swirl the Bearded?’

‘Rainbow Dash I am impressed.’

Dash grinned. ‘I’m awesome I know.’

‘We may know Star Swirl the Bearded as the father of the amniomorphic spell but during his life time his research was not taken seriously until Clover the Clever presented his work as her own. If it wasn’t for her diary we would never have known the truth.’

‘Well hanging out in this cell is kinda fun but we really need to go and find Bon Bon. Number one,’ said Pinkie turning to Twilight, ‘find us a way out of here.’

‘Getting out of the cell isn’t a problem, at least not for me,’ said Twilight disappearing in a flash of light and reappearing on the other side of the door.

‘Oh thank goodness, you know a spell that can open locked doors,’ said Fluttershy.

‘I know the spell but not the combination. Part of casting the lock spell requires you to think of a unique word, phrase, number or combination of the three.’

‘What if you forget the combination?’

‘Crowbar,’ suggested Twilight.

‘Why can’t you just teleport us out?’ asked Dash.

‘It’s too dangerous. It’s hard enough teleporting myself let alone somepony else.’

‘I’ve seen you teleport with Spike,’ said Pinkie.

‘It’s complicated. I have to pull apart every atom and cell in your body and then instantly reconstruct you someplace else. At best, I could forget a few hairs from your mane. At worst, I could forget one of your limbs or a vital organ. If you really want me to try.’

‘Nope I’m good,’ replied Rainbow.

‘Yep me to,’ added Applejack.

‘I think I’d prefer to just stay here,’ said Fluttershy.

‘I’ll just wait for a knight in shining armour to come and open the door.’

‘I doubt that will happen Rarity,’ said Twilight.

‘Why not? This is a dream isn’t it?’

‘It’s not your dream silly, it’s Bon Bon’s,’ said Pinkie. ‘Twilight you should try returning to Nightmare Castle. I’m sure Princess Luna will have some super-duper ideas that could help.’

‘Umm alright, I’ll try to be as quick as I can,’ said Twilight vanishing before anypony could say a word.

‘That one is Rarity taking a bath, and that one over there is Rarity smelling a flower,’ said Spike resting his head on his arms as he lay on his back and stared up at the clouds. ‘That one kinda looks like Rarity giving me a hug.’

‘Spike, I don’t think Rarity will appreciate being compared to a cloud that looks like a marshmallow.’

‘AARRGH!’ Spike leapt off the ground and drove behind a nearby rock. Cautiously poking his head up over the top of the stone, he sighed with relief when he saw Twilight standing amongst the high grass. ‘Twilight you scared me. Hey, where is everypony?’

‘Jail.’

‘Jail? Did you and Rainbow get sloshed on cider again, put lampshades on your heads and sing I’m a little tea pot outside the Mayor’s window at three in the morning?’

‘No, and that only happened once. Besides, I no longer drink cider. We need to return to Nightmare Castle.’

‘Right.’

‘Where’s the gem?’

‘The safest hiding place in the world,’ replied Spike sticking his fingers into the back of his throat.

‘Don’t tell me you...’

‘Huh-ark huh-ark glu-yark!’

‘You did.’ Twilight watched as a thick layer of baby dragon drool containing what looked like tiny specs of Captain Croc’s Animal Crunch cereal dribbled off the gem and onto the grass. ‘That is seriously the most disgusting thing you have ever done.’

‘It was the safest place I could think of.’

‘Really, a safe place huh? Your stomach, that is filled with enzymes specially designed for breaking down gems.’

‘Relax Twilight. It would take days for a beauty of this size to start dissolving.’

‘The gem is too important to risk. Do not do that again, understood?’

‘Yes ma’am,’ said Spike giving Twilight a quick salute. ‘Not sure where I am going to hide it though. I mean the only other place I can shove it is up my…’

‘SPIKE!’

‘Kidding.’

‘Can we just go,’ said Twilight.

Spike wiped the gem against the grass then held it up to Twilight.

‘Egggh, you wear it?’

Spike shrugged and clipped the fire ruby around his neck. ‘You realise you have to touch it before we can go right?’

Twilight wrinkled her nose as she reluctantly stretch out to touch what looked like the cleanest part of the gem before quickly rubbing her hoof vigorously against the grass. ‘Demos Oneiroi.’

The mural foretelling the rise of Nightmare Moon greeted Twilight as she opened her eyes. Taking a deep breath she stepped out of the circle as Spike jumped onto her flank. They had made it. The talisman had done its job. Twilight moved towards the passage leading further into the castle while wondering if there was a map about that could help her locate the Princess. Luna hadn’t exactly given them the world tour before they left.

‘Wow that’s a lot of stairs,’ said Spike as they stepped into the cavern.

‘It’s not so bad if you truly wish to end up at your destination,’ replied Princess Luna as she walked down the steps with Sweetie Belle. ‘I sense that only two of you have returned. Am I right in assuming that the sailing has not been smooth?’

‘We were thrown in jail for indecency and for not using the vernacular tongue,’ replied Twilight.

‘What language were they expecting you to speak?’ asked Sweetie Belle.

‘Old Equestrian. I am familiar with it because of my studies but the other girls have no idea what is being said.’

‘Ooh there’s something in the Gadget Archives that can help with that,’ said Sweetie Belle.

‘Indeed,’ agreed Princess Luna. ‘You may show Twilight and Spike the way if you like. You will currently find that room on the second platform. I must ask that you then return to your assignment. It is vital that it is completed on time.’

‘This way please.’

‘Currently?’ asked Twilight as Sweetie Belle led them up the stairs.

‘Oh the rooms like to move.’

Twilight tried to wrap her head around the idea as she followed the filly through the doorway into the small foyer and down the four steps to the left.

‘Welcome to Gadget Corner,’ said Apple Bloom as Twilight walked over to the counter. ‘We have gadgets to meet all your mission needs. What can we do for you today?’

‘Umm.’

‘Twilight needs those language headphones you discovered earlier,’ replied Sweetie Belle.

‘No problem, Scoot-Scootaloo.’

‘Here they are,’ responded Scootaloo tossing the earbuds up onto the counter. ’Sorry we’ve only found one pair so far.’

‘I can fix that,’ said Twilight as her horn started to glow and six pairs of earbuds appeared on the counter. ‘Do you have a small bag I can put them in?’

‘We can do better than that,’ replied Scootaloo dashing into the darkness of the archives and returning with a saddlebag. ‘According to the tag this bag is bottomless.’

‘I doubt that, I can see the bottom right there,’ replied Twilight as she placed the earbuds into the bag and attached it to her waist. ‘Don’t suppose you have a skeleton key by any chance?’

‘You mean like the one Moondancer created to open Princess Celestia’s chest in The Nobles of Midnight.’

‘Yes a key exactly like that. You know when I first read that series I asked Princess Celestia if there were any students before me but the Princess would always distract me with tales of Clover the Clever. Anyway, I didn’t know you liked the Moondancer series. I tried to get Rainbow to read them but the word political thriller put her to sleep.’

‘They’re okay, a little dull sometimes but Rarity has the entire series, all 50 of them. I assume she likes them because they’re full of gossip. I read them whenever Rarity is too busy to hang out which would explain why I’m already up to number 32, In the Darkest Hour.’

‘Oh I loved that one, that’s when you finally find out that… well I won’t spoil it for you but it totally turns the series on its head.’

‘Hey nerds.’ Huffed Scootaloo as she dragged a pony skeleton across the floor. ‘As fascinating as this conversation is, well for you, I found the key you wanted. According to the tag, stick the tail in any lock and the door will open.’

‘I don’t think that’s going to fit in the bag.’

‘You could shrink it,’ suggested Sweetie Belle.

‘I’ve got a better idea,’ said Spike jumping down and snapping off the tail. Every pony in the room cringed and unconsciously swung their tails between their legs. ‘What? I serious doubt we need the whole skeleton.’

‘I need to get back to the others,’ said Twilight. ‘Thanks for your help girls, come on Spike.’ Spike leapt up onto Twilight’s flank as she headed back out through the door. ‘What they hay?’ Twilight excepted to be standing on the second level not a platform at the very top of the carven. If she raised her hoof, Twilight was pretty sure that she could touch the ceiling.

‘Wow, I guess the rooms really do like to move,’ said Spike.

‘No kidding.’ Moving quickly but carefully, Twilight worked her way back down to the grand entrance hall. After touching the gem still hanging around Spike’s neck and uttering the words ‘Demos Oneiroi,’ they vanished from Nightmare Castle.

‘How long do you think Twilight’s going to be?’ asked Rainbow Dash.

‘About as long as a piece of string,’ replied Pinkie, ‘which can be really long or really short and you never really know until you measure it.’

‘It is twice the distance from the middle to the end,’ replied Rarity, ‘and Pinkie, Rainbow’s question was rhetorical.’

‘No it wasn’t, I actually want an answer. Hey you guys hear that?’

‘I hope it’s Twilight,’ said Fluttershy.

Twilight felt a light breeze against her cheek as she slowly opened her eyes. They had arrived back in the same clearing as before. Hopefully her friends would be able to hang on just a little while longer as she stayed behind to make sure that Spike hid the talisman in a place a lot safer and less disgusting than his internal organs.

‘Okay Spike, time to hide the gem. I’ll wait till you’re done.’

‘Don’t you trust me Twilight?’

‘Not after where you hid it last time.’

‘Hey it seemed like a good idea at the time.’

‘You sure you weren’t just hungry?’

‘No, I mean sure it did taste good but I totally did it to keep the ruby safe Twilight. You’ve got to believe me.’

‘I do Spike but let’s just find somewhere else to hide it okay.’

With a quick salute, Spike dashed off through the long grass only to return moments later while scratching his head. ‘Um there’s still no place to hide this.’

Twilight face-hoofed. ‘Just burry it and dump a rock over the top.’

‘Can do,’ replied Spike stabbing his claws into the earth and sending the dirt flying.

Rarity wasn’t so sure that it was Twilight heading their way. After all, if it was why didn’t she simply teleport straight into the chamber.

‘Madam Posey vult barbarae assumeretur ad harenaeque.’

‘Non saltem ut rursus heh-heh.’

‘That doesn’t sound like Twilight,’ said Applejack.

‘Ooh maybe Twilight’s letting a couple of the voices in her head speak,’ said Pinkie.

‘Twilight doesn’t have voices in her head.’

‘She doesn’t? I thought everypony did.’

‘Anypony know what they said?’ asked Applejack giving Pinkie a strange look.

‘Nope,’ replied Dash.

‘Oh no, what if they ask us something?’

‘Don’t worry Flutters, I know charades.’

Fluttershy wasn’t sure that Pinkie’s ability to wave her hoofs about was going to be very useful, but as she did not wish to hurt her friend’s feelings, Fluttershy kept those thoughts to herself.

‘Quick, give me three of your feathers,’ said Dash.

‘Why?’

‘Because I need them and you don’t use yours. Quick.’

Fluttershy had no idea why her oldest friend needed her feathers but she plucked three of them from her wing just the same.

‘On the floor.’

Fluttershy watched as her feathers floated to the cell floor and Rainbow quickly arranged them into an arrow as a bright light emerged from the tunnel and flooded the chamber. Fluttershy squeaked and dropped trembling to the ground.

‘Darling get up off the floor, it’s disgusting,’ said Rarity.

‘Vobis sortem, stare claudere!’ shouted one of the guards.

‘Anypony get that?’ asked Applejack.

‘They want us to sing a song,’ replied Pinkie.

‘Ah no,’ replied Applejack clamping Pinkie’s mouth shut, ‘they don’t.’

‘EGO DICENDI TERMINO SIMUL!’

The girls jumped and huddled close to one another, which earned them a smile from the guard. One guard opened the cage door while the other cast the spell to reform the bubble.

‘Wonder where they’re taking us this time?’ asked Dash.

‘Hopefully to a judge, the condition of our cell is simply unacceptable,’ replied Rarity.

‘And how do you expect the judge to understand us without Twilight?’ asked Applejack.

‘Silentium!’

The guards marched them to the end of the chamber and down a tunnel that led to a small circular room. The only object inside was a cage attached to thick chains that disappeared up through the large shaft in the ceiling.

‘I certainly hope that they are not planning on putting us in there. That cage is simply way too small,’ said Rarity.

‘With those spears of theirs they can put us wherever they like,’ replied Applejack.

‘If we could break this bubble I could totally take them,’ said Rainbow dancing like a boxer.

The cage door screeched open and the bubble forced the girls inside only to burst as the door slammed shut behind them. Within the walls, the winches groaned as they started to wrap the chains around them, lifting the cage up towards the shaft.

Spike patted the ground with his tail, smoothing out the lumps before dumping the large rock on top to mark the location of the talisman. ‘All done.’

‘Good, now I’ve got to get back to the girls. I hope they’re still all right.’

‘I know how to dig a hole, you didn’t need to supervise.’

‘I know Spike. I just wanted to be sure of the gem’s location, just in case you got dragon-napped or something.’

‘Dragon-napped?’

‘Hey, you’re the one who wanted to come along. If you can’t handle the danger.’

‘Danger?’

‘Goodbye Spike,’ said Twilight disappearing into the long grass. Crouching down, Twilight watched Spike as his eyes darted back and forth. Noticing a large stick poking up from amongst the grass on the far side of the clearing, Twilight’s horn started to glow. She simply couldn’t resist. Snap!

‘Aarrgh!’

Twilight let out a soft giggle before disappearing in a flash of light. It took less than a second for Twilight to realise that waiting for Spike to bury the gem was a mistake. The cage was empty and there was no sign of Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy however, had left a couple of feathers on the ground in the shape of an arrow.

‘Vale, vale, vale, vale paulo barbaris, dont conantur occursum vestri vos mortes cum honore.’

Twilight skidded to a halt, just out of sight of the guards watching the cage as it disappeared up the shaft. From the sounds of it the the girls were on their way to meet the skeleton pony dressed in black.

‘Welcome back Number One,’ said Pinkie with a giggle as Twilight teleported onto her flank.

‘Not much room in here is there?’

‘So you found us then,’ said Dash.

‘Only thanks to Fluttershy’s quick thinking.’

‘Actually it was all Rainbow’s doing,’ replied Fluttershy.

‘So what’s in the saddlebag?’ asked Pinkie. ‘Candy?’

‘No,’ replied Twilight opening the bag, ‘but put these in your ears. Apparently they will translate what everypony is saying.’ As the other girls popped in their earbuds, Twilight thought that it might also be a good idea if she did the same. Bon Bon might chose to communicate in Fancy, the original vernacular tongue of earth ponies. The only Fancy Twilight knew was ferme ta bouche, a phrase Twilight couldn’t help but memorize from the many instances of Cadance saying it to her brother when Cadance caught him staring at her.

‘Do these things work?’ asked Dash.

‘Dixeritis mihi,’ replied Twilight.

‘Yep, they work.’

Their cage shuddered to a halt. Through the bars and passed the end of the tunnel the sunlight tormented them until the gate rose up and released them.

‘I’m outta…’

‘Hang on their Speedy Gonzales,’ Applejack mumbled through the hairs of Rainbow’s tail trapped between her teeth.

‘We need to be careful Dash, I heard the guards telling you guys to greet death with honour. I suspect this tunnel leads to the arena, a place where gladiators fight, sometimes to the death.’

‘How barbaric,’ replied Rarity.

‘Well we can’t just stay in here,’ said Rainbow yanking her tail free. ‘This is our shot at freedom, I say we take it.’

‘Dashie’s right. Bon Bon could be out there waiting for us,’ said Pinkie.

Rainbow Dash shot out of the tunnel to greet the beautiful blue expanse of freedom. ‘What the hay?’ Dash skidded to a halt and gave the almost transparent barrier a tap. Damn, nopony would be getting out this way, although now that Dash thought about it she wasn’t all that surprised.

Rainbow took a quick glance around the stadium. There were no ponies up in the stands, no guards either. On the far side of the arena, Dash could see two ponies emerging from a tunnel. One in a seriously froufrou outfit while the mare next to her wore gold plated armour. On her helmet was an upside-down toilet brush just like the one Dash had worn in the pageant… hang on was that, ‘Hey guys I think I found Bon Bon.’

‘Finally, we can get this dream over with and I can go and have a nice long hot bath.’

‘Sounds like fun. Can I have a nice long hot bath too? Of course we have to find out why Bon Bon is upset first,’ said Pinkie.

As the two mares approached Bon Bon’s face turned from the blank stare of a warrior to one where her open mouth dangled in the breeze. These were not just any savages, they shared a likeness of ponies she knew. So far everypony here, excluding the Empress of course, Bon Bon had never seen before.

Twilight was a little surprised that Pinkie Pie had yet to call out a greeting. Had Pinkie realised that silence was called for until Bon Bon made the first move. Pinkie turned to Twilight and smiled, leaving Twilight feeling, well a little confused. Twilight decided to focus on the earth pony beside Bon Bon. The mare’s dress was rather elaborate, even for this period and as their eyes met; Twilight couldn’t help but feel a little put off by the almost green glow of her irises.

‘Bon Bon, I really do wish you would reconsider your entry into tomorrow’s tournament. You are simply not ready.’

‘Madam Posey I…’ stuttered Bon Bon as she continued to stare at Twilight and the other savages before her.

‘If these simple savages are upsetting you, how will you be able to stand up to the gladiators? If you fight tomorrow, you will die. Your death will be for nothing, Empress Lyra will never know you existed. I beg you to wait Bon Bon, heed my words of wisdom.’

‘No! I can do this. These savages will die.’

‘Just try it candy flank. I can take you with one hoof tied behind my back,’ snapped Rainbow Dash.

‘We’ve come to help you Bon Bon,’ said Twilight. ‘We are not the savages you think we are. You have to believe me.’

‘You may look like ponies from my own time but only I know of the portal and you speak Old Equestrian. You must be savages. You are savages and I will show Empress Lyra that I am worthy of her.’

‘But you are not ready Bon Bon and you may never be,’ said Madam Posey.

‘I may only be a simple earth pony who makes candy for a living but if I must fight to show the Empress that I am worthy of her attention then fight I will,’ said Bon Bon.

‘I don’t know what she is going on about,’ said Rarity. ‘With the amount of time those two spend together it’s rather obvious that Lyra, I’m sorry Empress Lyra, already considers her more than worthy.’

‘Silence savages! Dust was your cradle and dust is your grave,’ said Bon Bon striking the earth with her hoof.

‘Pinkie what do we do?’ asked Applejack.

‘Twilight?’

‘Fighting stance girls.’ The girls formed a tight circle while Rainbow Dash hovered overhead. Bon Bon let out a blood-curdling scream then launched herself at the savages that stood in her way.