I fell in love with her during a golden age.
She was pretty little mare, baking goods at Sugarcube Corner. Fluffy pink hair, and giggled a lot. She was cute and smart, caring, and funny.
What's the golden age? This fortune teller pony told me years ago that I would live in a 'golden age', a euphoric period of my life, where nothing could go wrong.
Okay, things went wrong, but they seemed so small, I never worried once about them. I was too distracted by everything else.
Why should I? I married the best wife ever. We would have parties at our house, with the nicest friends over at our house. We laughed a lot, and made memories I'll never forget.
I still miss that place.
I miss it so much.
I want her back. Her bright smile, the way she laughed, and how it lit up a room, how it was so infectious.
I want the gold back. This tainted metal isn't any good to it.
I messed up. I messed up once.
But once was enough.
One night, I had a terrible fit of rage. I never once hurt her. But I hurt her on the inside, so much more than I could possibly perceive. Who knew a bad day and anger could result this badly?
She told me to leave. She said little on the subject, except for the fact that she wanted nothing to do with me. She looked like she was going to explode with pain and anger at the same time. I packed up a few things quickly: pants, shirts, letters, and a picture.
It was a picture of us. Our family. Our two little fillies, I knew I could no live without a picture of them. A reminder of who I used to be, but yet, I still wanted it.
I escaped far away. I hoped I could come back some day.
I write her letters. Every other day, without fail. I hope one day she responds. I hope she reads them. I hope she isn't with another colt.
Oh, what would our fillies do? Would she tell them every day how horrible men were? How ruthless, unkind, and insensitive they were?
2 years after I had left, I had decided that I was going to do something. Something big. I had to try one last time. It was Hearts and Hooves Day. I was no romanticist, but I definitely knew the right day was then. I just hoped she hadn't moved on or possibly forgotten about me.
I went back to Ponyville. I bought her a dozen roses. White, not red. She hated red roses. She much preferred white. She had cute little quirks like that. I had a bittersweet smile on my face remebering it. I pulled myself together and told myself that I could have all of it again if I did it.
I knocked on Sugarcube corner.
I was shaking in my own skin.
My hooves were wet from sweating and holding the flowers. I hoped I didn't kill them.
She answered the door.
Her mouth dropped.
She said nothing else, but simply kissed me. Words were not needed for this. That kiss, said, I'm sorry, I wish I could take back all those years, please, be in my life again... And much more.
She finally backed away, and she couldn't help but smile. And laugh. So much. I missed her laugh. I walked inside. My fillies jumped on top of me in a giant hug pile thing.
It was good to be home.
Finally, the golden age was back.
I stared into the blackness.
Most nights I thought the beautiful things I was named after were breathtaking. Now I could only focus on the endless void around it.
Tears streamed down my face.
"Starry Night?? That sounds like a MARE name! Why did your momma ever name you that? Probably because that's what you act like!"
"Star, why can't you ever do what I ask? Is it really that hard? I just ask you to do a few simple tasks for me. I'm a sickly old frail mare, why can't you do anything for me?"
"Starry Night? You don't have your cutie mark yet? Everyone else in our school does, even some of the younger ones have theirs! Why don't you have yours?"
"Starry Night? Can you come here? We're going to need to put you in recessive flying courses. I'm sorry, you just can't keep up with curriculum here. I think you would be better off there. We can make your switch quiet, if you would like."
The hardships lately had become completely unbearable for me.
Why can't I ever do anything right? Nobody can accept me for who I am. I want someone to be there, and actually understand me.
I looked at my rear.
I don't even have my cutie mark yet. Last in my class. I stuffed my face in the cloud I was sitting on. I knew it would only make my face even more wet, but at least it wasn't the salty tears running from my eyes.
I sobbed. I had felt this way my entire life, since my dad left, I had to take care of my mother. Not only was I picked on for that, but I am asked to be the world for my mother. I want to help her and be there. She just needs too much help sometimes.
I've been bullied my entire life. For my name, for not being colorful, for not being talented enough...
The one thing I took joy in was flying. I wasn't the best flier, but when I flew, I was free. The feeling of soaring, escaping everything my life before just had... It was exhilarating.
But now, I can't even comprehend the idea of happiness. I'm done. I could fall off this cloud and nobody would ever notice. I'm utterly alone. No one knows who I am, cares for me, loves me, and I was fine with that.
Until this afternoon.
"Um... Excuse me?" A small voice called from behind me, breaking my train of thought.
"Go away!" I yelled. I never intended my emotions to get the better of me, but at that moment, I didn't care much.
"Oh! I'm so sorry, I was just wondering if you wanted help." The feminine voice called from behind me, softer than before.
"I don't need help! Nobody can help me!"
"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude... But that kind of contradicted itself."
I finally got super angry. I sat up, turned to her, and yelled, "GET AWAY NOW!" Tears started streaming down both of our faces.
The yellow pegasus raced off in the other direction clearly hurt.
I stuffed my face in the cloud, and yelled at the top of my lungs. Not only had I hurt myself, but I had hurt her as well.
I once told myself that I would never hurt another person in my life. Or I would avoid it as much as possible. I thought everyone deserved to have the best life as possible, at the expense of my own.
I raced off in the general direction she flew off into. I had to fix this.
"Miss?" I said between sobs. "Miss, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you." I saw a yellow flash towards a cottage thing. I went over there. I wasn't very familiar with Ponyville, even though I had lived above there for all of my life.
I knocked softly on the door in case there was someone else in there. "Miss? I'm sorry I said that. I've just had a really bad day, and it added to an already bad week..." I had to be honest.
She cracked open the door, and peered through with a big crystal blue eye.
I sighed. I did need help... "Miss, I'm going to be honest. I need help. And because you're the only one who cares enough to ask, I want to tell you."
She opened the door a little bit. "Yes?"
Tears fell thinking about it. I had been through a long day.
I looked up at the night sky. Maybe one day I would be able to see the stars in the void.
"My mom died today. I have no other family."
