Chapter 1
Of all the different kinds of magic in this world, conjured up by unicorns or naturally occurring, my absolute favorite is the sweet silence that accompanies falling snow. White, pure, silent snow. It might not be technically classified as 'magic', compared to the stuff that unicorns consider worthy of the title, but to me, the silence that accompanies snow is so absolute and peaceful that it has to be some kind of magic. Which reminds me of the first snow of the winter of 1010, way back when I was still sitting in Astral Tower for my Advanced Defense prerequisite classes so I could get into the Police Academy.
I sat in my splintery wooden desk, staring blankly out the window at that magical first snow as old professor Ink Stain rambled on about irregular matrix vectors, or some equally boring horse crap. Ink Stain was a nice old stallion, but to be honest, he was about as exciting as watching grass grow, and the dense subjects he taught did nothing to help. As a result, I spent most of my time in his classroom at Astral Tower staring blankly out the window. Ink Stain was normally boring, but all the elements were set against me today. A roaring fire flickered away at the back of the room, giving the cramped classroom a warm and fuzzy atmosphere. That, coupled with the old professor's rambling and a a pleasant view of the snow outside made the little stone classroom a formidable fortress of nappy-time. Which was exactly what went through my head is it bumped against the desk bellow me with a meaty thud.
I jolted awake to find myself the center of attention for about twenty snickering Academy hopefuls. Ink Stain tapped a hoof on his desk while an amused little smile played across his snout. "Did we get enough sleep last night, mister Deep Freeze?"
I replied with a nervous little chuckle as I ran a hoof through my deep blue and white striped mane. "I uh... didn't get my coffee this morning." A statement that was true for all intensive purposes. For some reason, I don't quite like any type of warm beverage. Call it a quirk of mine.
He laughed only for a second before quieting the snickering class and turning back to the chalkboard. "Alright, settle down. Now, where was I? Yes, of course! Law number eight, which was discovered by Starswirl the Bearded dictates..."
I sighed as I scribbled the new definition onto my note paper, right next to the hundreds of practiced signatures and just below the crudely drawn naughty parts. Right now, I wanted nothing more than to be free of this asinine waste of time they called a class. Professor Ink Stain may as well be the nicest professor on the face of the planet, but that didn't change the fact that the stuff he taught was really hard, for me at least.
Compared to this class, the Academy entrance exam was child's play. Which of course was probably due to the fact that you had to be a literal moron to fail it. Actually, now that I think about it, the entire process of completing the Canterlot Police Academy training had been ridiculously simple up to this point. The entrance exam was basically simple math and science questions to test your general intelligence, so for even a marginally intelligent colt, it was a piece of cake. After the entrance exam was a physical requirement test, which was at least a two minute mile gallop (Which I barely passed, ashamedly. Hey, don’t look it me like that, I’m not a runner, okay?), a jumping course and weighted endurance test (Which was much more my speed.), and respective wing power and horn capacity tests for pegasi and unicorns. I don’t like to brag, but I’m a fairly in-shape colt (besides running), so the physical test was an equally large slice of cake. After the Academy has weeded out the feeble and stupid from the ranks (sorry, I meant ‘educationally challenged’), the more eligible candidates are placed in classes to prepare them for the real police work. The first classes were just situational awareness training, how to know when there was somepony tailing you, whether or not a pony has a weapon, that sort of thing. I was still a little shaky on the police codes for citing different crimes, but I knew enough to pass the final exam. Between the codes and all these matrix laws and conditions, it was starting to look like passing the final exam wasn't such a sure thing.
Of course, I wouldn't have even needed the advanced classes if I didn't choose to take my training a step further beyond the initial Police Acadamy training. If I could pass the advanced exam, I could save myself around ten years of Police work and shoot right past the Canterlot P.D. to get myself an apprenticeship as an investigator with the Canterlot Bureau of Investigation. Yes, the prestigious CBI, home of the most elite crime investigating detectives known to pony kind. And in three days, I would be one of them.
That is, Celestia willing I pass the exam. And after a year of apprenticeship of course. And lest I forget about the 50 bit fee for the advanced exam and the additional 500 bit fee for my unpaid apprenticeship. Okay, so I'm getting there. But when I do get there, believe me, I will get there.
The sound of the tri-tone brass bell outside the classroom signaled the end of the lecture. All twenty of the recruits, myself included, simultaneously closed notebooks and prepared to leave like monkeys trained to jump at the ringing of a bell. I was at the end of the line out the door, and I almost made it before Ink Stain beckoned me to his desk, which made me cringe and turn around reluctantly. "Yes, professor?"
He gave me an apologetic smile as he began to stack rolls of parchment into a sturdy cloth briefcase. "Fear not, I'm not scolding you for sleeping in class. Again might I add. Believe it or not, I was once in your position. I know what it's like to sit through a lecture, especially on a subject as boring as this. Yes, I found it quite boring myself when I was your age. Just be thankful you didn't have professor Stone Wall, he was mighty strict, that one. Why I remember the time... Oh! Sorry old boy, I drifted off on a tangent there! Anyways, I just wanted to say that you're a bright young colt, my boy. I see your struggle with this course, but I know you can complete it if you really put yourself to it. It's like my father always said: "The more difficult a task is, the more you benefit from completing it.'" He clicked his briefcase closed and gestured me out of the door. "Now, run along lad. I can't leave until you do, you know."
I smiled at the old stallion and trotted out the door with him right on my tail. Tightening my scarf, I called over my shoulder as I quickened my trot down the stone stairs. "Thanks, professor! See you tomorrow!"
I heard his chuckling reply echo down the stone stairwell behind me. "Celestia willing, my boy!"
I love the feeling of fresh snow crunching under my hooves. There's just something so invigorating about the cold weather this time of year that really speaks to me. I have this really strong connection with winter that I can't explain. It's probably the reason why I'm so good at ice magic.
As I trudged my way through the streets of East Canterlot (or 'Slumtown' as the high society ponies so endearingly call it) I reached my senses outward and caught a big bundle of falling snow out of the air in my frosty blue aura. I concentrated on the mental image of two huge stones pressing together, causing the snow to compact tightly into a perfectly round disk of hard ice with an intricate snowflake pattern cut into the center. The snowflake patters were easiest for me, probably because they're technically already in the snow. Satisfied with my work, I pulled back my mental slingshot and watched as the disk flew up and out of sight, spiraling over the snow-laden brick and stone buildings lining the street, most of which I had worked on at some point.
Before I started taking the Police Acadamy course, I did lots of construction work around West Canny, a trade which I learned from the best construction worker to ever live, my old dad. What he taught me about construction was only a fraction of what he knew, but it was still enough for me to start the trade at a tender age of eleven. Most ponies wait until fifteen years or so before they start living on their own, but I wasn't so lucky. With no mom or dad to take care of you, you learn to get on your own hooves pretty quick. I remember the story dad told me every night right before I went to bed like he had just told me last night. It was the story about how I was born in a blizzard up near Vanhoover just sixteen years ago. He was pulling the covered wagon that carried all of our stuff along with a few friends to help him. Mom was in the back when she went into labor twenty miles from the nearest hospital. He stopped the wagon in the full-on blizzard to help deliver me. He said he'd never been so afraid in his life.
Of course, by the time I was old enough to put two and two together, he had no choice but to answer my constant questioning and break the truth to me. I didn't take it as bad as he thought I would when I found out that mom died in that wagon ride. I really couldn't miss her, since I didn't know her at all, but there was still a feeling of loss there for the longest time. That was, until he let me join him on the job.
After mom died, dad sold most of our stuff and loaded up the wagon, going from town to town and teaching me his trade. We never stayed in one place for more than a year, showing up at a forepony's office, doing most of the work an earth pony couldn't do without my dad's specialized construction spells, collecting the pay and then heading out for the next town to repeat the process. I actually learned most of my magic by helping dad out at his job or playing with snow and ice in the meantime. Those were the best five years of my life, just traveling the world and learning magic from my dad. But anything good always has an end to it, which is what I found out the hard way the day dad died. He was a tough old pony, but tough doesn't stop heart attacks.
I won't bore you with the details (Although it's pretty much too late for that.), but I will say that I left Blackstone Cemetery a scared little colt with nothing but the clothes on his back. That, and just a little over 5000 bits. That would have been a lot of money, had I not decided to get a proper education at one of Canterlot's finer learning institutes. Three years of private tutoring later, I was down to only 3000 bits plus the two bits an hour I made working part-time at the construction site. Throw in food and living expenses and I had only around 1500 bits by the time I was fourteen.By some act of divine grace, I was able to save that 1500 bits these last three years and still pay my living expenses as the demand for construction work plateaued. That was only one reason why I decided to become an investigator. Construction was pretty much dead in this town, and I wasn't looking to move out now that I had made a life for myself here. I can't explain it, but whenever I first heard of the option, it was all I could think about. Fighting crime and solving mysteries sounded pretty good to me, and it was a much more appealing alternative to working behind a store counter.
I guess that's why I want to be an investigator. If I couldn't be a construction worker and still live in Canterlot, I might as well do something worthwhile. Were there other jobs that might suit me? There might be, sure. But I already had my sights set on being an investigator, and I wasn't going to quit now, three days from the big exam. That is, if I even passed the thing.
I finally reached my apartment building, trusting my brain to lead me through the path I had worn in the sidewalk over the years while I entertained my rather lengthy train of thought. I knocked the snow off of my hooves, assisted by a little magic, and then pushed open the bright red door. Saltlick Boarding was a neat little three-story boarding house with a cheery red door out front. I circled up the staircase to my room on the second floor and stared at the lock just above the handle. I had been experimenting with lock-picking spells I could use to open my door without pulling out a key. Was mentally opening a lock twice as much effort as simply levitating a key? Sure, but it's also twice as cool.
I pictured the little diagram I had drawn to visualize the components of the lock, and then mentally shifted the tumblers into place. It took much more time than was practical, but the lock finally clicked and turned under my mental pressure, letting out a satisfying little sound that accompanies a successful spell. I stepped into my room, one rung closer to 'ultimate wizard' on the achievement ladder.
I hung my scarf on the peg by the door and looked around my apartment. It's a cozy yet sparse one room suite with a door leading to the bathroom on the wall left of the entrance door. Over in the far right corner was a stove and icebox that was a good enough kitchen for my no-cooking self, with a circular window in the center of the wall opposite the door. In the near left corner is my bed, sporting a pile of sheets that really needed to be washed, and in the center of the room sat my current project, surrounded by four blue crystals arranged in a perfect square. Oh, did I mention? I do ice sculptures for side money. It's pretty inconsistent pay, but it's enough to get me through the week when work dries up. In fact, once this rather cliche swan project was finished, I'd finally get my payment of 1500 bits. I could indulge myself by buying four apples instead of the usual three for lunch! That, to me, was the equivalent of swimming in dough these days, much to my stomach's chagrin.
At the sound of my hooves clopping against the thinly carpeted floor, a rustling sound erupted from the sheets on my bed. Out of the center of the dirty sheet mountain emerged a pair of pristine, white, and pointed little ears rimmed with black, followed by an equally white and pointed face set with two eyes as black as onyx. I felt my ear twitch to the side, signaling me to turn my head in order to find the source of the noise. One of the acts of 'divine grace' that kept me from begging for bits on the streets came directly from the owner of the boarding house, little old miss Forsythia. I honestly believe that were she in the right place at the right time, she could easily have taken the place of the Element of Kindness. I never mentioned even once to her that I was having money troubles, and yet somehow she could see it just by looking at me. And in response, about two years ago, she approached me with a job offer. She asked me to keep watch over her newborn arctic fox, Sugar, who was currently snuggling up in the pile of my dirty sheets, whenever she was out and about (Which was much more frequently than you would think. I swear, that old mare got around more than I did). In exchange, she said she would knock my monthly rent from ten bits down to five bits, which was way more than she needed to subtract. When I had commented on this, she had just smiled and winked at me, declaring that, 'Them baby foxes are quite the handful! It would be just plain stingy to ask you to sit little Sugar for any less!'
Not only that, but she would even invite me to dinner with her at least once a week, and she was one hell of a cook to boot. At least, I suppose she is. The fact that I've never had a home-cooked meal before I met her probably added a little bias to my opinion.
Usually miss Forsythia will tell me before she drops Sugar by my apartment, but it seemed this time she forgot. But I did't mind. Me and him got really close these past few years, and it didn't hurt that he had enough cuteness to warrant a warning sticker advising those with weak hearts to steer clear. I couldn't help but smile and get all fuzzy inside whenever I saw him curled up on my bed like that. I walked sidelong around the unfinished ice sculpture and towards the ice box where I kept Sugar's food. I scrunched my nose as I pulled out two frozen lemming carcasses and held them at a tolerable distance from my face. The only downside to having Sugar around was that I had to keep a sizable stock of dead animals in my icebox to feed him. Don't let his appearance fool you. He may be cute, but he's still a vicious carnivore.
"Soup's on!" I shouted as I tossed the two lemmings into his wooden feeding bowl at the foot of my bed. He bounded out of the pile with surprising agility and landed gracefully at the bowl, his little jaws already making quick work of the frozen carcasses. It was only just a little disturbing to watch such an adorable little creature eat much smaller and sometimes equally cute little creatures, but I had gotten used to it. Almost.
Ignoring the spectacle of primal carnage taking place behind me, I set down my saddlebags and approached the swan sculpture. Instead of using a chisel, like most ponies, I found that you get a much smoother and lifelike form by shaping the ice directly with magic. The spell was a complex one, because instead of implementing a regular kinetic spell, I had to focus on a picture in my mind and rearrange the ice, molecule by molecule. It took a little longer than with a chisel, but I was getting a lot quicker every day, and it really paid off to sweat the small stuff.
I slowed my breathing and cleared my mind of every thought until the only thing I could see in my mind's eye was complete darkness. Then, I slowly formed the mental image I had shaped of the desired outcome, which was a wading long-necked swan. After I had completely reigned in my thoughts, I slowly opened my eyes and focused on the ice. I narrowed my focus on the neck of the swan, beginning to pull at the neck and taper it into the head and beak. Slowly... round the edges here... and...
I jumped back about three feet as my door exploded in a series of knocks. The area of ice I was shaping melted instantly before freezing back into place just as fast. Doing my best to keep my heart from making an unnecessary new orifice, I walked over to the door and hoofed the handle open. Standing before me was a tall olive green earth pony stallion with a dark black mane slicked back with some type of gel. He was wearing a crisp new metallic grey suit and tie that looked like they cost more than all of my possessions put together. He regarded me with a look of unsmiling greeting and spoke in a noticeable Manehattan accent. "Good afternoon. I believe you're the ice sculptor?"
I brightened up at the new business opportunity and gave him my brightest and friendliest smile. "That's me! Deep Freeze, professional ice sculptor! Can I ask how you heard of me?"
He gave off an aura of importance as he politely ushered me aside and stepped into my apartment. At first, he didn't answer but instead walked in a slow circle around my unfinished project. He then offhandedly replied to my question without looking at me. "I was referred to you by a past customer of yours, miss Bright Garnet. Say, what are these crystals here?"
He pointed a hoof to the four crystals forming a square around my work space that glowed a deep blue. "Hm? Oh, those are just some run-of-the-mill quartz chunks I enchanted into a basic spell looper. See, I just used a spell-memory spell on them and then attached a cooling spell after that. Pointing them inward will make it so the spell affects only the outlined area. And since what it's doing is absorbing the heat energy out of the air, which is greater than the energy needed to cast the spell, it'll keep the spell on loop for about two to three days before I have to start it back up again. And as a plus, it's really useful for cooling things down in the summer."
The well-tailored stallion rubbed a hoof on his chin, a look of genuine intrigue showing through the cracks of his professional expression. "Ah, fascinating... Anyways, I'll get right to it. I like the look of your work, so I'm going to give you a commission. My son's birthday is coming up, and I want one of your fine sculptures as the centerpiece of the party." He reached into his coat pocket with his mouth and emerged with a small wallet-sized portrait of an adorable little foal with a lighter version of his father's coat and a dark orange mane playfully grasping a bouncy ball almost as big as he was. "I want you to recreate this picture of him, and make it at least one and a half pony lengths tall."
I scoped the picture and nodded to him. "Sure, sounds doable. Best case scenario, I can have it done this time next week."
The stallion shook his head firmly. "No no, I need this sculpture done by next Monday, one 'o clock that afternoon."
Wow, that was a very short time to finish two sculptures AND somehow fit in some studying. I scratched my neck with a hoof, grimacing at the prospect. "Gee, I dunno if I can have it ready by then. I'm kind of busy as of late. I can try for Tuesday, but that would be pushing it."
The stallion narrowed his eyes dangerously and put the picture back into his pocket, his hoof lingering inside. "Do you accept gems as payment?" In response to my vigorous affirmative head shaking, he pulled out a red velvet bag. Out of the bag fell two breath taking diamonds that had to be worth at least 1000 bits each. I tried desperately not to drool at the sight, but that was becoming increasingly difficult. "Consider that an insurance payment."
I stopped drooling over the precious gems long enough to give him a level stare. "Insurance for what, exactly?"
He coughed and shook the bag, which presumably had quite a few more gems like the two laying before me. I raised an eyebrow at him and continued to stare until he finally broke down and rolled his eyes at me. "It's insurance that you will keep this transaction on the down-low. I want this entire process to be completely and totally discrete, understand? Only you and I are to know of it." I continued to stare resolutely at him. He made an impatient noise and put the bag of gems away. "Alright, if you must know, this sculpture is a surprise... for my wife, you understand. She has no idea I ordered it, and I want to keep it that way until the party."
I stood up and gave him a smile of relief. "Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Sure, I understand perfectly, not a soul will here of this thing, cross my heart." I said, tracing an x on my chest.
He seemed to relax a bit, which was hard to tell given his stony demeanor, and he pulled out yet another item from his coat. "One final stipulation." He dropped a pill-shaped cylinder of glass into his hoof, causing the complicated crystal and wire components inside to jingle. I knew it was a magical device, but that was about it. "You are to encase this into the center of the ice ball." He hoofed it over to me. "It emits a very pleasing light show that will reflect against the ice. Just make sure you get it inside the exact center, and you will receive the rest of your payment for the job when you deliver the sculpture."
At that, he walked straight past me to the door. As he began to leave, he took the picture back out of his pocket and tossed it towards me. As it landed on the opposite side, I could see an address for a manor in Canterlot proper, maybe four or five miles away from my apartment. Hearing his hoofsteps sound off behind me as he walked away, I quickly picked up the diamonds, along with my brain, off of the floor. "Wait, I didn't catch your name!"
He stopped abruptly, one hoof off of the floor. He slowly turned around to face me and I could barely hear him say, "Shale" as he stepped out the door. Several seconds later, I followed him out, but when I got to the hallway, it was completely empty, no echoing hoofsteps or anything. If it weren't for the two positively real diamonds I was holding, I could have sworn that I imagined the pony. And normally, again if not for the two beautifully large diamonds, I would be thoroughly disturbed by his 'money first, questions later' business style.
But I would worry about how shady he was later, namely after I got the rest of my imaginably large payment. And, of course, after I finished the sculpture I was already working on. And after I somehow found a way to fit in some studying for the exams. Ugh. This was going to be a looong weekend.
After securing the two diamonds in one of my saddlebags, I stepped up to the sculpture and readied myself to start shaping it again, waiting for the sounds of Sugar scraping his plate to die down. Once I could hear him do one of his cute little squeaky yawns that signaled him curling up for nap time, I repeated the mind-calming technique. Breathe in... breathe out... pure darkness, blank slate. Now how did the beak curve again? Another series of knocks exploded on my door, except this time, I was more annoyed than startled.
I walked over to the door, becoming slightly more peeved at all of these interruptions on the way there. When I finally opened the door, I quickly hid my sour attitude as I stared down at the cherry little Miss Forsythia. “Well, hi there, Freezy pop! (That was her little nickname for me. It was embarrassing, but if I asked her to stop it would probably break her fragile old heart.) How’s little Sugar doing?”
I nudged my head in the direction of my bed and smiled. “He’s doing pretty good, considering he just ate.”
The little old mare cooed affectionately at the little ball of fur curled snugly on my bed and then turned back to me, her expression turning apologetic. “I’m so sorry I let him in without asking first. I’ve been mighty busy today, what with the pet auction, and the bowling tournament downtown, you know how it is.”
I smiled and waved a dismissive hoof. “No trouble at all! He mostly just eats and sleeps while he’s here anyways.”
She chuckled softly and straightened her frizzy metallic grey mane with a bright yellow hoof that had grown dull with time. "Well, I just stopped by to invite you to dinner downstairs! You oughtta' eat up so you can be prepared for that exam of yours!"
I stared at her quizzically. "The exam Isn't until Saturday."
She merely chuckled and placed a hoof on my shoulder. "Well, there's no harm in preparing extra early, now is there?"
I smiled and rolled my eyes amicably. Sure, I was extremely busy with everything going on right now, but how could I say no to a free meal? "Alright, then I'll see you at dinner I guess."
She chuckled again, turning back around and walking out of the doorway and calling over her shoulder. "We're having baked ziti, your favorite!" I waved her away as she proceeded down the hallway towards the spiral stairs, my stomach practically alive with tremors of extreme hunger. Thinking about Miss Forsythia's baked ziti only served to remind me of my meager lunch that I had eaten almost two hours ago. I tried my best to hold back the hungry beast inside me and shut the door, hoping that it would stay shut for more than ten seconds.
I turned my focus onto the sculpture and began the mental imaging process. Breath in.... *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* "DAMMIT!"
I stomped angrily to the door and hoofed it open, ready to explode on anypony behind it, no matter who they were. The door opened to reveal a unicorn stallion who was just a little shorter than me, with a coat that was just a few shades darker than my frosty blue. "Wassup' Freeze?"
I sighed deeply at my friend, Suede, before pressing a hoof between my eyes. "Hey, dude. Whadda' you want?"
"I just thought we could go check out that cool science fair that's in town this week. I heard some pretty good stuff about the inventions they brought out this year! Like, Smudge said he saw a little box that takes a magic imprint of your image and paints it onto a little piece of paper, and they sell them to you for two bits a piece!"
I sighed again and scratched the back of my head, looking down at the floor before continuing. "Well... you know I want to, but I just really can't right now."
His eyes widened and he poked his head around to look inside my apartment, his reedy voice increasing in pitch. "Oh, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"
I lowered my eyebrows dangerously at him. "Nooo, of course not." I said, much too sarcastically. After a few minutes of his inquisitive stare, I complied with an even deeper sigh. "Actually yes, you did. I'm working on a sculpture right now, and you're the third pony to interrupt me today. It's not your fault, but the whole exam thing has got me in kind of a tight knot, I guess."
Suede's eyes lit up with recollection as he slapped a hoof against his forehead. "Right, I forgot about the exam! What was I thinking?" He tapped the patchy stubble on his chin with a hoof and made a humming noise usually associated with thinking, though with Suede, thinking was not always a given. I mean, he's a great guy, friendly almost to a fault, but to be honest he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. "Hey, the fair will still be there Saturday! That's when they show all the cool stuff, anyways! We can go right after your exam!"
I smiled and patted his head like you would a foal, which got me a swat on the hoof. "Okay, if you're itching to go that bad. I should be done by twelve 'o clock, at the latest. Meet me outside the building about a half hour later."
Suede offered me his upturned hoof, which I accepted with the ritual downward hoof, producing a loud clop. "Awesome! See you then, dude!"
After making sure nopony else was coming up the hall behind him, I closed the door. Then, an idea hit me. I conjured up a sheet of paper, which was just about all I could conjure at my level, and grabbed a pencil from my saddlebags in my royal blue aura of magic. I wrote DO NOT DISTURB. in big thick letters and tacked it to the outside of the door. Satisfied, I approached the not-nearly-finished ice sculpture and sighed heavily. I performed the mental focus technique and went to work on the sculpture, shaping the curves and edges perhaps a little too hastily.
The days leading up to the exam went by so fast that I now wonder if I hadn't just fallen asleep and dreamed that they had happened. Miss Forsythia was kind enough to provide me with delicious homemade dinner for three nights straight. She had done so all in the name of 'preparing me for the exams,' but by the end of Friday the only thing I was prepared for was a nice long nap. But as much as I wanted to throw myself into the world's deepest food coma, I couldn't ignore the fact that I still had work to do.
Both Thursday and Friday started off by taking notes in professor Ink Stain's class like a crazy pony, followed by a brisk walk home after lunch and several hours of sculpting. By Friday, the swan piece was finally done and I called up Lady Satin Sheets (A rather, how should I say... 'extra healthy' mare. Hey, she was paying me big bits, so I didn't dare insult her.) to pick it up from my apartment. Cliche or not, it was some of my better work, if I do say so myself.
In between sections of sculpting, the rest of my time was all study, study, study. I even had to turn down a piece of Miss Forsythia's famous peanut butter pie the last night so I could put the final touches on the sculpture, and let me tell you, THAT took some willpower. Five minutes till midnight Friday night, I plonked down heavily on my springy mattress and moaned in exhaustion. I had less than two and a half days to finish the mysterious Mister Shale's sculpture, which was less than half my preferred time. Thankfully my incredible anxiety about the exam in the morning was just barely counteracted by the crippling exhaustion, which was nursed by the copious amounts of food I had recently eaten. I buried my head down as far as the pillow would allow and then immediately boarded the midnight cruise to nighty-night land...
The monstrosity of engineering that they dared call a chair pressed up awkwardly against my back as I looked out at the room full of Academy hopefuls lined in neat rows before me. I had plenty of experience with these kinds of chairs in my day, you know, the ones that force you to sit up at attention while your back tries futilely to somehow force the wooden backing into a more comfortable position. The design was probably made for either unruly little foals that wouldn't sit straight, or some kind of military grade masochist.
I quickly arranged my supplies on the desk in front of me: one full roll of scroll paper, two quills with ink, and a pencil. As soon as a pair of hoofsteps began to echo through the hallway outside, the idle chatter that had bounced around off of the austere white stone walls of the classroom instantly faded into complete silence. The entire room waited with baited breath as a colossal androgynous shadow splayed itself across the front wall. I expected some thick-necked army stallion with a flattop mane and a bad attitude to come stomping into the room.
Imagine my surprise when the shadow finally shrunk down to accommodate the tiny grey mare that it belonged to. I heard a few confused mutters as the hard looking earth pony mare in the dark blue police uniform, at least four hooves shorter than I was, set her dull grey hooves on the desk at the front and scoped the room with a set of coal black eyes below a jet-black mane pulled back into a tight bun. As she turned to look towards my section of class, I could see that she had a nasty scar that started at her scalp and ended just to the left of her left eye.
After a few painfully silent minutes, the other set of hooves I had heard approaching behind her cast a shadow that turned out to reveal a grass green unicorn stallion, who was still shorter than me but not nearly as short as the mare, who wore an ill fitting tweed blazer and a tie that matched his coat color perfectly. He wore a bored expression as he nodded to the short policemare. She took the cue and began to speak in a surprisingly unfeminine voice. "Good morning, recruits. As some of you may know, I am Chief Sky Garden, CPD Chief of Police. Behind me is agent Fresh Lawn, deputy director of the Canterlot Bureau of Investigation. Let's cut to the chase. You are all here because you have shown skill and aptitude in the areas of police work. So much so, in fact, that if you pass this exam today, you will be saving yourself ten years of rookie police work and will be allowed to start your apprenticeship early. My only advice? Don't get cocky. As agent Lawn will tell you personally, if you do not present adequate performance during your apprenticeship, he reserves the right to revoke your training and send you back to work with me." She reached down under the desk she had her hooves planted on and set a large pile of papers down with a thud. "Best of luck to you all, and remember, take it steady. Don't go too fast, but down drag behind. You'll do well to remember that after the test."
She nodded her head and Fresh Lawn stepped up to the stack of papers, touching them with his horn and causing each of them to glow in a separate aura of bright green. All of the papers simultaneously flew out of the pile, arranging themselves a few feet above the desks in neat rows to match the desks beneath them. The bland green unicorn spoke in a professionally dull tone, layered with a thick Irish accent. "The testin' period has begun. Take yer' papers an' fill in question squares completely. Any an' all cheatin' will result in perm'nent expulsion from the Academy. You have forty foive minutes to complete the exam. You may begin now."
At his cue, all of the papers were released and floated gently down to rest on their respective desks. I reached out and trapped mine under a hoof as it landed. I took a deep breath and realized that I was actually nervous. More than that, I was really nervous. My hooves were shaking for some reason, and I was finding my breathing to be growing more and more shallow. It was that feeling you get where your limbs get all tingly and move jerkier and faster than you want them to. The kind of feeling you get right before you have to jump off of something really high, or when you're sitting anxiously in a hospital, waiting for news from the doctor. Or when you're just about to take a test you aren't prepared for...
I looked through the first row of questions. Multiple choice, okay that's no problem. I ticked the fairly easy questions off and got down to the short answer portion. Simple, really. True-False? Oh great, I don't think I got that one. I got all of the easy questions ticked off and answered and took my best shot in the dark at the True-False. Minutes that felt like hours ticked by, until I looked up at the clock just above the half-asleep Fresh Lawn and saw that I had only fifteen minutes left. Okay, no time to check my answers on the matrix diagram or the vector behavior True-False, so it's on to the essay. I read the essay description at the bottom of the page: 'Describe the step-by-step process, in thorough detail, of how you would disarm a greater implosion spell tethered to an octagonal crystal-based matrix set to auto-cast by a thaumic lapse comparator.'
Fudge.
My heart almost stopped beating completely, and I let out a ragged breath as I stared blankly at the sheet of paper I was to write the essay on. I had no idea you could even build a matrix that was more complex than pentagonal! And I had no clue what a comparator was, thaumic lapsing or otherwise. My breakfast of toast and carrots started doing their impression of a sewage backup as I read the italic notation underneath the essay question. Essay portion worth 20/50 points.
If I didn't get this essay right, I was looking at a 66% on the exam, just 4% short of the needed passing grade. And that wasn't even counting the questions I might have gotten wrong on the rest of the exam. From where I was sitting, my chances did not seem very good at passing this thing.
I picked up my quill, dipped it in the inkwell, and kissed my future CBI badge goodbye as I prepared to wing it. As soon as my quill touched down on the paper, however, the words it began to write were not the ones I were thinking. At first, I thought someone else may have been controlling the quill, but my familiar aura was still wrapped around it, meaning that I was somehow writing down what looked like a very detailed explanation of concepts I had not learned. I looked around the room nervously while trying to maintain an obvious air of innocence that would dissuade anypony from thinking I was trying to cheat. All the other ponies in the room were busy scribbling away at their own parchments, being completely inconspicuous. I looked back down at my paper and found a nearly complete essay, the quill writing it still glowing with my aura, and the familiar feeling of slowly depleting amounts of thaumic energy still pulsing gently through my horn.
Taking a quick overlook of the writing, it seemed to be fairly accurate and extremely detailed, much more than I could have managed. Something extremely fishy was going on here, and I did not like it one bit.
On one hoof, I did not have this information that was being written down on my paper, so technically I was getting it from somewhere other than my mind, which technically is classified as cheating. The right thing to do would be to inform the two officers at the front of the room that something was happening.
On the other hoof... Who would know? If someone happened to be scrying the classroom, which was more than likely given the situation, they would clearly see that I was controlling the quill, and would find no indication that I was cheating if they happened to search me for evidence.
Suddenly, my quill stopped writing and it was back under my control. I could see there was less than a minute left of the exam, and that they would be collected shortly. I had two options. Option A: inform the officers that my essay had been written by somepony other than me, despite the obvious evidence that it hadn't. Or Option B: Pretend it never happened, accept the strange phenomenon as an act of divine providence, and continue the free ride towards my dream job.
The clock chimed twelve, agent Fresh Lawn awoke from his nap with a snort, and he grabbed each of the papers with his green aura and sorted them into a neat pile in front of him.
I said nothing.
He stretched his legs and stood up out of his chair. "Alright, that is the end of the testing period. You may stick around t' find out what ya' made on the exam, they should be ready and graded in about ten minutes. Thank ye' and have a nice day."
With that, he wrapped the papers in an elastic band and took them out of the room, chief Sky Garden falling in line right behind him. I inhaled deeply and exhaled raggedly as the rest of the class started to stretch their legs and begin filing out of the room. I thought about telling someone, I really did. But then I started to think about what might happen if I actually told somepony that a mysterious and invisible force was somehow feeding me information through my brain from who knows where. The most difficult thing to figure out about that scenario would be which padded room they would decide to throw me in at the Coo-Coo Castle. Writing this whole thing off as divine providence seemed like the best option right now. I would have to remember to send a gift basket to Celestia some time this week.
I honestly believe that clocks have some kind of undetectable magic of their own, because those ten minutes I spent waiting for the exam to be graded felt longer than the forty five I had spent actually taking it. I'm sure some scholar somewhere had written a thesis on it by now, but I can't promise I would actually try and find it. Research papers were totally lost on me. I was more of a Daring Do kind of guy.
The giant, and I mean GIANT box mechanism that graded the exams was whirring away mechanically while several different lights on its surface blinked seemingly at random. The engineer who operated it had claimed that it used some kind of advanced spell algorithm that took a control test and compared it to multiple tests at a time, grading them by marking out what didn't match. Apparently this thing could grade ten tests in the time it took a professor to grade one. Knowing that, I still couldn't help but wonder if this stupid thing could grade any faster.
After what seemed like hours, all of the lights turned a solid green and the thing produced a metallic squawk and spat out ten different papers into individual receiver bins surrounding it in a circle. I hurried over to the one mine was supposed to come out of and quickly turned it over to see what I had gotten. I quickly closed my eyes in fear and opened them slowly. My eyes poured over the little red marks that dotted the paper at irregular intervals.
I had passed.
I read the final grade at the top several times just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. The little red box at the top of the paper had "81%" printed in blocky mechanical text. I passed.
"I PASSED! YEAH!" Coming down off of my success high, I could see that several ponies standing around me had started to stare. I chuckled nervously and turned around towards the door, doing my best impression of The Invisible Pony as I slunk out of the Grade-a-tron 5000 room.
Passes, passed, passed! I couldn't help but trot the rest of the way out of the drab grey testing facility. After a few minutes I lost my composure and began to gallop the rest of the way down the main hall past a few startled ponies, and finally kicked open the front doors, jumping the rest of the way down the stairs to the street. Breathing much more heavily now, I slowed my gait back down to a trot, relishing the fresh snow flakes that steamed against my back and flank. I hadn't even bothered wearing a coat or scarf, since it was only a balmy 1º C outside.
Life was looking real good right about now. Once I delivered Miss Satin Sheets' sculpture, I'd get my payment of 1500 bits, which would total up to 3500 bits along with my 'down payment.' I had honestly not been in possession of that much money for a very long time. And I'd need it too, since the unpaid internship at the CBI was going to put me through some tough financial times. Of course, I wouldn't even have the job if it weren't for...
Nope! Not going to think about it! Divine Providence! Praise to Celestia, goddess of passing tests! Wow, ignorance really is bliss! Up ahead, a quaint little shop adorned with a top hat sign caught my attention. Under the top hat, the sign read: "Señior Sombrero's Exemplary Head-wear." A dastardly plan began to form in my brain. I had all these bits burning a hole in my saddlebag, and if I was going to be a detective I might as well look the part right? The bell dinged as I hoofed the door open...
"What the hell is that?" Suede asked, pointing towards my swanky new article of clothing, a puzzled look on his face.
I reached up and tipped the firm black hat, uncovering my face. "It's called a fedora. You know, the kind that detectives wear?"
Suede's eyes lit up faster than a burning barn. "You passed?!" He asked excitedly.
"Aw yeah, that
s right!" We simultaneously brought our hooves up, facing each other, and brought them forward to collide in a jubilant high-hoofer. "You're looking at agent Deep Freeze, hard-boiled sleuth extraordinaire!"
Suede laughed and joined me by my side as I started the walk from The Salt Lick to the science fair that sat closer to Canterlot proper. "Yeah, but why a fedora?"
"Like I said, I'm a detective now, so I got to look the part, right?"
"Riiight." As we traveled down the sidewalks, the houses lining the streets slowly began to grow from one to two story apartments and residences to much larger and cleaner houses decorated with the faux marble that was so popular with the middle class since it mimicked the lofty decor of the much nicer manors quite adequately. Ponies trodding the cobbles with dirty or disheveled coats gave way to cleaner, nicer dressed socialites and well-to-do up and comers.
Breaking the rhythmic clopping of our hooves on the cobbles, Suede cleared his throat. "So, when do you start?"
"Next Monday, actually. I can't wait!" A sudden realization hit me square in the gut as I stopped dead in my tracks. "Oh no..."
"What, what is it?" Suede ejaculated, jostled by my abrupt stop.
"I have to deliver a sculpture Monday! Dang, why wasn't I thinking?"
Suede exhaled, visibly relieved. "Well why don't you deliver it after work?"
I started to walk a little slower, stopping every now and then to scratch my head and think. "No, I can't, it's due for delivery at one 'o clock sharp."
Suede scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Well, tell the guy it'll have to wait."
I stopped abruptly, which elicited an outcry from Suede, shaking my head in a negative fashion. "You don't understand, dude. This client is paying up big bits for this thing. Probably enough to live off of for a couple years! I absolutely have to get this thing to him on time or it's no deal! And I will NOT let this payment go."
Suede stopped and tapped his chin thoughtfully before breaking out into a victorious smile. "Lunch break! You can deliver it on your lunch break! You do get those, don't you?"
"Yeah... I guess. I would be cutting it really close, though... Wait, no I can't! This thing is like 400 pounds of solid ice! How am I supposed to move 400 pounds of ice to Canny proper and back to work in an hour?"
Suede hung his head in sullen defeat as the noise all around us began to increase, signaling that we had just entered the outskirts of the fair grounds. After dodging an errant red streamer that hung from the festive entrance gate, he inhaled sharply and exhaled in a pleased fashion. "I dunno', you'll think of something, right? You're good with that stuff. Ooh, grilled fruit kebabs, I'm starving!"
I sighed and tried to keep pace with Suede, who was trotting around the fair grounds like an excited filly in a candy store. Oh look, Sweetdrop's has a candy booth here. Wow, how can Suede afford that much candy? Anyways, I was mentally kicking myself for not thinking of delivering the sculpture, which I hadn't even started on, by the way. I looked nonplussedly at the various contraptions and exhibits that Suede pointed out to me as I tried to find inspiration in the way of how to solve my dilemma. Nothing came to mind as I scoped out the bulky steam powered piston engines, nor when I inspected the mechanical flying harness made for wingless ponies, and certainly not as I admired the proficiency of several impressive diamond studded mining drills.
"Aw, dude! This is the thing I was telling you about! Come on, let's check it out!" I jerked to attention as Suede dragged me through the crowd towards a small booth made of hastily constructed particle board and black cloth partitions. On the front of the entrance was a hoof-painted sign that read "Filament's Phenomenal Photography." Underneath the sign was a large bulletin board covered from top to bottom with tiny black and white squares of paper that depicted the splitting images of all different kinds of ponies. As I pushed the partition aside, I was greeted by an incredibly dark and smoky room lit by one very small electric filament bulb. Standing just under the bulb was a short and squat earth pony with a killer set of bright orange mutton chops, wearing the familiar striped vest and straw hat that accompanied so many traveling salesponies these days. He was evidently repairing a small black box that looked somewhat like half an accordion that had been impaled by a telescope.
His head jerked to attention as we walked in, and he put on a bright entrepreneurial smile. "Howdy there, my fine chaps! No doubt you've come to scope out my incredibly revolutionary photo-capturing device! In fact, for the inconceivably low price of two bits, I'll even show you just what it does!"
I had mostly ignored whatever he was saying in favor of scoping out the dimly glowing filament bulb. In all my years living around Canterlot, indoor light was most often provided by either candles or some kind of bio-luminescent crystal. By comparison, this thing gave off hardly any light at all. "Hey, did you invent this bulb?"
The squat little earth pony, clearly perturbed at my ignoring his original question, let out a brief sigh. "No, in fact, I didn't invent any of these fine machines, per se. Although I did improve and streamline much of the work done by the equally talented Mr. Swift Eddy from Manehattan. Why, if not for me, I daresay this fine machine would still be collecting dust in a box somewhere in ol' Eddy's lab. But enough about me, what say I show you two just what this little thing can do?"
I nodded my consent, much less so than Suede, and we were both led into a second partition that contained a much larger version of the photo machine and a backdrop covered in a soft green sheet of canvas. At the earth pony's instruction, we stepped up to the canvas and faced the photo camera. Falling back into the act of thinking up a solution to the sculpture problem, I was completely oblivious to the camera operator as he shouted out from behind the photo lens. "Say 'cheese!'"
Before I could react my entire field of vision was filled with a painful white light, twisting and obscuring my surroundings. I groaned in discomfort and stumbled forward, resting my hoof on something solid and wooden. When I opened my eyes, little specks of white flittered around my field of vision, which I hurriedly blinked away. As my eyes adjusted, I could see that I was no longer in the dark photo room, but in a three-walled tent filled with rows and rows of wooden bookshelves.
What the hell.
Utterly confounded, I backed up and accidentally knocked a few books off of the shelf behind me. I picked them up and quickly re-positioned them on the shelf. As I caught sight of the last book on the ground, however, I felt an overcoming sense of curiosity. I flipped it over with my magic and studied the forest green cover adorned with shiny gold lettering that spelled out, 'The Magic of Physics Vol. II: An Intermediate Physics-Based Spell Compendium, by Dr. Palladium Shine.' But just looking at it wasn't enough. I felt an impossible desire to open the book, to read what was inside. Just to sate this inexplicable curiosity, I cracked the book open and flipped through the first few pages. For whatever reason, page 42 looked really, really nice, so I stopped there and read the spell description box that took up the first third of the page.
Advanced Dimensional Storage
Level:Moderately Difficult. Thaumic-Induction Requirement: 800 Th.
This extremely helpful spell will help manage clutter around the house, increase your storage space infinitely, carry large or heavy items easily, and is a great example of a practical use for pocket dimensions. The main idea behind the spell is to take an object, (recommended less than 1 ton for beginners) and store it inside of a small pocket dimension by opening a portal to said dimension through the use of a 'totem' which anchors the object to this physical plane, ensuring that you may retrieve it later. Below is the spell diagram and instructions for how to use this spell.
This... This was exactly what I needed! A convenient way to store heavy or large objects was exactly what I would need to transport the sculpture on time! Sure, I would have to haul ass if I wanted to get back to work on time, and I'd probably have to skip lunch, which I was less than happy about, but I'll take what I can get. As I began to read through the specifics of the spell, completely oblivious to my situation and surroundings, a muted set of hoofsteps clopping on the stone pavement and against the thick canvas of the tent made my ears twitch to the side. I looked up from the book to find a tiny little grey-green unicorn stallion with a set of librarian's half-spectacles and a grizzled mane of blue streaked with silver. He looked at me as if I had dropped out of the sky, which would serve as a suitable explanation or my presence there, now that I think about it. "May I help you sir?"
Looking down at the book I had recently tried to bury my face inside of, I looked back up at him and brandished the book in front of me. "I guess I'd like to buy this book."
His features softened as he took out a stamp-gun from his side bag. "Oh, yes, of course! That one is... five bits, I believe."
Five whole freaking bits?! I could buy an entire sweetgrass and rose petal sandwich plus a Sun-cola and a basket of tater chips for that much! Of course, with the knowledge from this book, I could buy, like, a thousand sandwiches, so I hoofed the old stallion the money and he in turn stamped the inside cover of the book, wishing me a good day as he ogled me warily from over his shoulder all the way back around the row of bookshelves until he was out of sight.
Finding myself at a dead end of bookshelves, I turned around and took his way through the shelves, which zigg-zagged in a serpentine pattern before emerging into the fair outside. It was then that I realized why he had looked at me so intently. In order to have ended up at that spot between the shelves without him seeing me enter, I would have had to teleport inside.
And I didn't know how to teleport.
Counting this morning's phenomenon that I am actively not acknowledging until further notice, this made for two weird things that had happened to me today, which couldn't be a coincidence. I was actually starting to think that this all seriously was divine intervention... I looked up meaningfully at the sky, waiting for a sign. A shooting star, a bolt of lightning, a blimp with a "You're Welcome Freezy-Pop" sign, anything really.
The sound of shouting drew my attention earthward. To my left, Suede was approaching me from the surrounding crowd with an anxious look on his face, jostling a few annoyed ponies on his way over. "There you are! What the hell, dude? I didn't know you could teleport!"
I gave him a wide eyed look that bored right through him and shook my head in a deliberate and serious fashion. "I can't."
He laughed nervously and tilted his head. "Well, you obviously just did, or else how did you get here?"
I patted my chest and checked to see if my hat was still okay. Suede's concern had brought me back to reality and was quickly revealing to me the implications of what was happening to me. "i couldn't do it again, even if I tried. Believe me, this is the second weirdest thing that's happened to me today. Some kind of divine intervention is handing out favors to me and I don't know why!"
He tilted his head further. "Um... are you sure that camera flash didn't just... unlock some hidden talent inside of you or something? Because that actually sounds more reasonable."
I shook my head and produced the book I had just bought. "I don't think so. If that was what happened, then why, of all places, did I end up in that book tent over there, right in front of this book?"
"And what book is that?"
I shook the book vigorously and opened it to the page where the storage spell was located. "This book is the answer to my problems! Look here, this advanced dimensional storage spell is exactly what I need to get the sculpture to my client's house on time, which was what I was thinking about before I teleported! Now tell me that isn't a coincidence!"
At some point along the way, my explanation became more and more frantic until I was unknowingly shouting at the top of my lungs, which was drawing a lot more attention than was normal. Don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy.
Suede put a hoof around my shoulders and walked me forward through the crowd of staring ponies, coaxing me in a tone not unlike one that a veterinarian might use to soothe a startled animal. "Alright, calm down dude. Let's just go on home, okay? It's getting late anyways."
"Yeah... yeah, okay." Walking home from the fair gave me enough time to cool off, which wasn't hard considering the few inches of snow that had accumulated since this afternoon. After a few minutes of walking, I was ready to talk in a concise and not freaking insane manner.
Suede cleared his throat and approached the subject with caution. "So, uh... you done being crazy now?" Well, as much caution as he was capable of.
I sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I'm done being crazy. But that doesn't change my mind. Something supernatural is happening here. Maybe it's divine intervention and maybe it isn't, but I'm not ignoring it's there."
Suede smiled and nodded. "Okay, that's cool with me, I guess. But how about this? Why don't you just forget the whole thing for now, and if it happens a third time? Then you can start worrying about it. After all, third time's the charm." His smile faded. "Wait, what was the first thing that happened?"
Despite my better judgement, I briefly considered not telling him about it. If anypony else found out about the exam, I could be in some serious trouble with the Academy, the Police, and the CBI. But hey, I had known Suede for as long as I had lived in Canterlot. He was my friend, and I could trust him with anything. He may be a bit flighty at times, but he can keep a secret if it's important. "Alright, don't tell a soul about this bro. Not a single freaking soulokay?" At his incurably curious affirmative, I took a deep breath and looked around the street washed in early evening shadow. "I think I had some help on my Academy exam."
He whispered back seriously. "What, like... cheating?"
"Well, not exactly. I was supposed to write an essay on this really hard matrix setup, right? I had no idea how to answer the question, but all of the sudden, I'm just sitting there and the quill starts writing stuff by itself! It was in my aura and everything, but I couldn't move it and it wasn't my words being written on the paper!"
Suede creased his brow, deeply considering the conundrum at hoof. "You sure it wasn't somepony in the room?"
"Positive. I know what my aura looks like."
We had finally reached my apartment and I stood on the first step to the door as Suede contemplated. Finally he stomped his hoof in the snow, emphasizing the conclusion telegraphed by his face. "Well, if it was your aura holding the quill, and it was obviously you who teleported yourself at the fair, then all this weird stuff has to be coming from inside you! Like I said, bro, you have some hidden abilities stashed away that you don't know about!"
I rolled my eyes at him and scoffed. "Yeah, okay. Next, I'll be able to fly and shoot lasers out of my eyes."
"Isn't there a laser eyes spell, though? I'm pretty sure I read about it somewhere."
"That's besides the point! I appreciate your input, but like you said, I'm just gonna wait for something else weird to happen, and I can draw a conclusion from there. I am supposed to be a detective now, so I may as well get a jump start on the deductive reasoning, right?"
Suede chuckled inwardly and turned around. "Yeah, I guess. Just let me know if anything else happens, okay? I kind of like this detective stuff!" Before I could open the door, he called back to me from the bottom of the steps. "Oh, I almost forgot! I bought you a copy of our photo!" He grabbed one of those square papers with his magic and sent int floating towards me on a little burst of wind.
I caught it in my teeth and tucked it away. "Thanks. I'll pay you back later."
He chuckled and walked off in the opposite direction. "Don't worry about it! Catch you later!" I smiled wistfully at him before pushing the door open. What a great guy. Two bits might not seem all that important, but it was the principle of the matter. That wasn't the first time Suede refused compensation, and it sure as hell wasn't the last. Suede was one of the reasons I decided to stay in Canterlot in the first place. He helped me through some tough times back when my dad died, and I could never repay him enough for being there all those years. And even if I could repay him, he'd still refuse the offer and buy me a milkshake instead, because that's the kind of pony he is. I literally could not ask for a better friend than Suede.
* * *
